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Ever wonder if our parents simply enjoyed scaring us about the future? Ever wonder what's on that "permanent record?"

Get-off-my-wave asked: What dire warning from your parents turned out to be bullsh*t?

Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.


It's the devil in ya.

I was born left-handed. My pops used to smack me if I used my left hand, in essence forcing me to be right-handed. I had to constantly remind myself to use the hand with my birthmark to avoid smacks. As an adult I asked my pops why he forced me to be right-handed and he gave some tepid response about 'when youre left handed youll have a tendency to pull that way when youre driving exposing you to oncoming traffic'

Sounded like bullsh*t to me, and is confirmed by all the left hand driver is the world that dont spontaneously drive into oncoming traffic. If anyone has any ideas I'd love to know. For reference, my pops is an old school vietnamese dude. I feel like its a cultural thing, but I was raised american and have no f*cking idea.

negative_space_

I did a real estate closing a few years ago for a recent middle-aged Chinese immigrant. She looked at me writing with wide eyes, and said, "You're left handed! So am I!!!"

I was confused because she was writing with her right hand, so I asked, and she said that in China, she wasn't allowed to wright with her left land and that they'd smack her when she tried.

makingnoise

My mother would be slapped for using her left hand as a young girl. Apparently it was considered a sign of the devil.

BrwnLightning

Why not both?

That my two choices in life were either Harvard or McDonald's. Sheesh. Bit of a gray area in between those two extremes.

ChicagoFaucet

So, can I get fries with that?

dsarma

You may get fries with your Masters Degree.

EquineGrunt

Mom's not playing around.

Giphy

That if I used one brand of shampoo and a different brand of conditioner that my hair would fall out. Also when I was five or six I asked what would happen if you went the opposite way that you turned the turn signal, my mom told me the car would explode and kill us. Not sure why she told me that sh*t.

ImRickyAndImSticky

Because it was hilarious to watch the rising panic in your eyes as she signaled right, then twitched the wheel left.

Muerteds

How do you know my mom so well? Immediately after telling me that she veered the opposite way of the turn signal. I still remember that cry lol. She's got a dark sense of humor.

ImRickyAndImSticky

Yeah, that really came in handy.

I would be unemployable if I didn't learn cursive handwriting. Parents and teachers made me think that every job interview would have a cursive test in which they would measure the loops on the L's or something.

Mr_Saturn1

Seriously have never once used cursive since like taking the ACT.

Magnaha23

It was on the ACT? Weird.

My public schooling spanned the 2000s, so we were forced to learn cursive in 3rd grade, got told it was the way of the world, then started learning to type in class instead starting the next year.

In other news, I always got told that cursive was the faster way to write.... But it always took me like 4x as long to write in cursive.

kicker1015

That's pretty funny.

When you press the red button with the triangle in the car all the doors fall off.

ionedann

When teaching the class how to use the classroom computer, my 1st grade teacher told us all that if we clicked the trash can icon on the desktop, it would make the computer explode and we would get in a lot of trouble.

Salsa__Stark

Hiding your extracurricular porn in the recycle bin? Interesting strategy.

CommanderCooper

Triggered.

"We can't pay $1 to go in the haunted house because they might not have a bathroom in there. What if you have to go to the bathroom?"

Just admit you're cheap, Dad.

King_F*ckface

I'd much rather have this than my experience growing up... my dad would ALWAYS complain at ticket booths about how it was free that one day so it should be free today. Or he would ask for some discount that didn't apply to him, or claim to have a coupon that maybe he had at one point, or is expired now.

We would have escalating levels of managers come and talk to us and he would keep doing it. He made my mom cry sometimes, I was just embarrassed. He sees it as "good business sense, they think you're stupid if you don't ask for a discount". He doesn't realize this isn't a bazaar, he doesn't even come from a country where that's normal.

The worst part about all this? We could afford it. My dad just hates paying for experiences and would rather go shopping or do ANYTHING else.

Edit: I put it in the story because I knew it would come up but it seems to have been glossed over by many. Again, he doesn't even come from a country where bartering/haggling is commonplace, at least not in large cities where my family is from. The most you can do is maybe ask for a bulk discount if you're at an independent stall in a market or something, which is something I'm not against and it doesn't hurt to ask; however, my dad takes it a step further and feels that just because he's him, he should get greater discounts/free things.

CumboxMold

When I worked in the service industry, I could never figure out why people would go through all that hassle just to save a couple of dollars. Isn't your time and dignity worth two whole dollars?

whinecube

Not to my dad. He would rather act a fool and save ONE DOLLAR.

We were in his home country one time, at a place that charged the equivalent of $1 USD for parking/entrance. As soon as we pull up to the guy my dad starts his spiel and I just roll down the window (I'm sitting right behind him) and hand the guy the money while saying I got it. Guy lets us in, dad starts saying he was trying to save us money and I shouldn't have done that. My mom, for once, didn't enable him and said she's sick of that, it's a business and they need to make money too... and she's not in the mood to be embarrassed today.

It happened to be at almost the exact same place where we had the worst of those confrontations with managers, only 20+ years later.

CumboxMold

Like little starchy sprinkles.

My mom warned me as a kid that eating the loose pieces of dried ramen from the pack would make me deathly ill.

I kept doing it with no problems. One day she said that in front of my dad when I was a teen and he just gave her this "wtf are you talking about" look.

allthecagesinthezoo

I was told it would give you worms.

dorothysideeye

Those are the best bits.

JCreazy

Belly button BS.

Giphy

"If you unscrew your belly button your bum will fall off."

I did my best to avoid screwdrivers for a large part of my childhood because I lacked the will power not to stuff them into my belly button. I was terrified at the thought of losing my bum but intrigued by the possibility.

butts_and_whatnot

Your comment is putting me to tears. But I don't understand, were you obsessed with sticking screwdrivers in your belly button before or after your mom father told you that?

VinSkeemz

Not OP but I was fascinated with my belly button. I remember that I kept sticking things in there.

mr_lab_rat

Life's hard if you're a d*ck.

My ex-stepdad owned a restaurant where I worked as a busboy when I was a teenager. He was always very tough on me, berating my work, etc. While telling me that he was going easy on me and when I got a job in the "Real world" (his favorite phrase) my bosses would be so much tougher on me.

I quit a month before my 16th birthday and went to work at the local Dairy Queen and found out he was full of sh*t. My mom left him shortly after that, thankfully.

Kirdei

Worked at an ice cream shop for my first job and told people how cruel and shady the managers/owner are. "That's just what jobs are like" "you have an easy job" "it only gets worse." I was contemplating suicide b/c I was bullied by management. Once a manager pushed me and started talking sh*t on my mom I quit. Turns out literally everywhere else is a much better work environment and you shouldn't feel like crying or throwing up when going into work.

Edit: thanks for the kind comments everyone! I did not expect this to blow up as much as it did

FabulousFoil

This was so scary.

If you get in trouble at school it will go on your PERMANENT RECORD and ruin your life.

Not once has anyone, from college admissions to prospective employers to loan officers, so much as mentioned the legendary PERMANENT RECORD.

SuzQP

I went back to my old high school a year after I graduated and asked to see what was in my Permanent Record...and they'd already thrown it away.

DaveTheInverted

It was only permanent temporarily.

sebaz

Image by Anemone123 from Pixabay

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Chef's gave us some of their top tips for amateurs and beginner at home cooks that will really make a difference. They are trained professionals with years of experience in the kitchen, so they definitely know what we're all missing.

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What a common mistake!

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"Instructions unclear I drugged my dinner party guests and now they're high on acid."

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"I see you also grew up white in the mid-west."

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Safety first!

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- wooddog

"I'm always so proud of my reflexes for not kicking in when I fumble a knife."

"If I drop anything else, my stupid hands are all over themselves trying to catch it (and often failing). But with a knife the hardwired automatic reaction is jump back immediately. Fingers out of the way, feet out of the way, everything out of the way. Good lookin out, cerebellum!"

- sonyka

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- AdjNounNumbers

"Similarly, NEVER put out a grease or oil fire with water. Smother with a lid or dump baking soda in there (do not use flour, as it can combust in the air making things worse)."

- Metallic_Substance

How else will you know it tastes good?

"Taste the food."

- OAKRAIDER64

"Also don't be afraid to poke and prod at it. I feel like people think the process is sacred and you can't shape/flip/feel/touch things while you cook them. The more you are hands on, the more control you have."

"No, this does not include situations where you are trying to sear something. Ever try flipping a chicken thigh early? That's how you rip a chunk out of it and leave it glued to the pan until it's burnt."

- Kryzm

Here's one just for laughs.

"When you grab a pair of tongs, click them a few times to make sure they are tongs."

- Kolshdaddy

"People really overlook this one. You've gotta tong the tongs a minimum of 3 times to make sure they tong, or else it can ruin the whole dish."

- BigTimeBobbyB

If you're looking to get into cooking or to improve you technique, pay attention to these few tips.

Salt generously, add an acid to brighten things up, and don't forget to taste your food!

If all else fails, you can always order take out.

Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.

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