Ever wonder if our parents simply enjoyed scaring us about the future? Ever wonder what's on that "permanent record?"

Get-off-my-wave asked: What dire warning from your parents turned out to be bullsh*t?

Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.

It's the devil in ya.

I was born left-handed. My pops used to smack me if I used my left hand, in essence forcing me to be right-handed. I had to constantly remind myself to use the hand with my birthmark to avoid smacks. As an adult I asked my pops why he forced me to be right-handed and he gave some tepid response about 'when youre left handed youll have a tendency to pull that way when youre driving exposing you to oncoming traffic'

Sounded like bullsh*t to me, and is confirmed by all the left hand driver is the world that dont spontaneously drive into oncoming traffic. If anyone has any ideas I'd love to know. For reference, my pops is an old school vietnamese dude. I feel like its a cultural thing, but I was raised american and have no f*cking idea.


I did a real estate closing a few years ago for a recent middle-aged Chinese immigrant. She looked at me writing with wide eyes, and said, "You're left handed! So am I!!!"

I was confused because she was writing with her right hand, so I asked, and she said that in China, she wasn't allowed to wright with her left land and that they'd smack her when she tried.


My mother would be slapped for using her left hand as a young girl. Apparently it was considered a sign of the devil.


Why not both?

That my two choices in life were either Harvard or McDonald's. Sheesh. Bit of a gray area in between those two extremes.


So, can I get fries with that?


You may get fries with your Masters Degree.


Mom's not playing around.


That if I used one brand of shampoo and a different brand of conditioner that my hair would fall out. Also when I was five or six I asked what would happen if you went the opposite way that you turned the turn signal, my mom told me the car would explode and kill us. Not sure why she told me that sh*t.


Because it was hilarious to watch the rising panic in your eyes as she signaled right, then twitched the wheel left.


How do you know my mom so well? Immediately after telling me that she veered the opposite way of the turn signal. I still remember that cry lol. She's got a dark sense of humor.


Yeah, that really came in handy.

I would be unemployable if I didn't learn cursive handwriting. Parents and teachers made me think that every job interview would have a cursive test in which they would measure the loops on the L's or something.


Seriously have never once used cursive since like taking the ACT.


It was on the ACT? Weird.

My public schooling spanned the 2000s, so we were forced to learn cursive in 3rd grade, got told it was the way of the world, then started learning to type in class instead starting the next year.

In other news, I always got told that cursive was the faster way to write.... But it always took me like 4x as long to write in cursive.


That's pretty funny.

When you press the red button with the triangle in the car all the doors fall off.


When teaching the class how to use the classroom computer, my 1st grade teacher told us all that if we clicked the trash can icon on the desktop, it would make the computer explode and we would get in a lot of trouble.


Hiding your extracurricular porn in the recycle bin? Interesting strategy.



"We can't pay $1 to go in the haunted house because they might not have a bathroom in there. What if you have to go to the bathroom?"

Just admit you're cheap, Dad.


I'd much rather have this than my experience growing up... my dad would ALWAYS complain at ticket booths about how it was free that one day so it should be free today. Or he would ask for some discount that didn't apply to him, or claim to have a coupon that maybe he had at one point, or is expired now.

We would have escalating levels of managers come and talk to us and he would keep doing it. He made my mom cry sometimes, I was just embarrassed. He sees it as "good business sense, they think you're stupid if you don't ask for a discount". He doesn't realize this isn't a bazaar, he doesn't even come from a country where that's normal.

The worst part about all this? We could afford it. My dad just hates paying for experiences and would rather go shopping or do ANYTHING else.

Edit: I put it in the story because I knew it would come up but it seems to have been glossed over by many. Again, he doesn't even come from a country where bartering/haggling is commonplace, at least not in large cities where my family is from. The most you can do is maybe ask for a bulk discount if you're at an independent stall in a market or something, which is something I'm not against and it doesn't hurt to ask; however, my dad takes it a step further and feels that just because he's him, he should get greater discounts/free things.


When I worked in the service industry, I could never figure out why people would go through all that hassle just to save a couple of dollars. Isn't your time and dignity worth two whole dollars?


Not to my dad. He would rather act a fool and save ONE DOLLAR.

We were in his home country one time, at a place that charged the equivalent of $1 USD for parking/entrance. As soon as we pull up to the guy my dad starts his spiel and I just roll down the window (I'm sitting right behind him) and hand the guy the money while saying I got it. Guy lets us in, dad starts saying he was trying to save us money and I shouldn't have done that. My mom, for once, didn't enable him and said she's sick of that, it's a business and they need to make money too... and she's not in the mood to be embarrassed today.

It happened to be at almost the exact same place where we had the worst of those confrontations with managers, only 20+ years later.


Like little starchy sprinkles.

My mom warned me as a kid that eating the loose pieces of dried ramen from the pack would make me deathly ill.

I kept doing it with no problems. One day she said that in front of my dad when I was a teen and he just gave her this "wtf are you talking about" look.


I was told it would give you worms.


Those are the best bits.


Belly button BS.


"If you unscrew your belly button your bum will fall off."

I did my best to avoid screwdrivers for a large part of my childhood because I lacked the will power not to stuff them into my belly button. I was terrified at the thought of losing my bum but intrigued by the possibility.


Your comment is putting me to tears. But I don't understand, were you obsessed with sticking screwdrivers in your belly button before or after your mom father told you that?


Not OP but I was fascinated with my belly button. I remember that I kept sticking things in there.


Life's hard if you're a d*ck.

My ex-stepdad owned a restaurant where I worked as a busboy when I was a teenager. He was always very tough on me, berating my work, etc. While telling me that he was going easy on me and when I got a job in the "Real world" (his favorite phrase) my bosses would be so much tougher on me.

I quit a month before my 16th birthday and went to work at the local Dairy Queen and found out he was full of sh*t. My mom left him shortly after that, thankfully.


Worked at an ice cream shop for my first job and told people how cruel and shady the managers/owner are. "That's just what jobs are like" "you have an easy job" "it only gets worse." I was contemplating suicide b/c I was bullied by management. Once a manager pushed me and started talking sh*t on my mom I quit. Turns out literally everywhere else is a much better work environment and you shouldn't feel like crying or throwing up when going into work.

Edit: thanks for the kind comments everyone! I did not expect this to blow up as much as it did


This was so scary.

If you get in trouble at school it will go on your PERMANENT RECORD and ruin your life.

Not once has anyone, from college admissions to prospective employers to loan officers, so much as mentioned the legendary PERMANENT RECORD.


I went back to my old high school a year after I graduated and asked to see what was in my Permanent Record...and they'd already thrown it away.


It was only permanent temporarily.


Image by Anemone123 from Pixabay

Life is hard. It's a miracle to make it through with some semblance of sanity. We are all plagued by grief and trauma. More and more people of all backgrounds are opening up about personal trauma and its origins. Finally! For far too long we've been too silent on this topic. And with so many people unable to afford mental health care, the outcomes can be damaging.

All of our childhoods have ups and downs and memories that can play out like nightmares. We carry that, or it follows us and the first step in recovery is talking about it. So who feels strong enough to speak?

Redditor u/nthn_thms wanted to see who was willing to share about things they'd probably rather forget, by asking:

What's the most traumatizing thing you experienced as a child?
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Image by klimkin from Pixabay

Being single can be fun. In fact, in this time of COVID, being single can save lives. But the heart is a fickle creature.

And being alone can really suck in times of turmoil. None of us are perfect and it feels like that's all anyone is looking for... perfect.

Now that doesn't mean that all of us are making it difficult to partner up. Sure, some people are too picky and mean-spirited, but some of the rest of us are crazy and too much to handle. So one has to be sure.

The truth is, being single is confusing, no matter how much we try to match. So let's try to understand...

Redditor u/Mcxyn wanted to discuss some truths about love and our own issues, by asking:

Why are you single?
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Tiard Schulz/Unsplash

Whether you're an at home parent, a college student just leaving the nest, or a Food Network junkie, there are a few basic tips that everyone should know.

Chef's gave us some of their top tips for amateurs and beginner at home cooks that will really make a difference. They are trained professionals with years of experience in the kitchen, so they definitely know what we're all missing.

If you're looking to improve some of your cooking skills and techniques, but you're still learning how to boil water correctly, this list is for you.

Redditor BigBadWolf44 wanted in on the secrets and asked:

"Chefs of Reddit, what's one rule of cooking amateurs need to know?"

Let's learn from the masters!

What a common mistake!

"A lot of the time when people add salt to a dish because they think it tastes flat, what it really needs is an acid like lemon juice or vinegar."

- Vexvertigo

"Instructions unclear I drugged my dinner party guests and now they're high on acid."

- itsyoboi_human

"Yes! Or tomatoes. They're pretty acidic too and go with so many things. Our dinners are so much better once the garden tomatoes are ripe. Or if a dish is too acidic, oil/butter or a little sugar can help add balance to it."

- darkhorse85

"Like tomato and eggs. Every Chinese mom makes those slightly differently and I haven't had a tomato egg dish I didn't like yet."

- random314

"There's a book called 'Salt Fat Acid Heat' that comes highly recommended to amateur cooks."

- Osolemia

"Reading even just the first chapter about salt made a lot of food I cooked immediately better, because I finally understood salt wasn't just that thing that sat on the dinner table that you applied after the meal was cooked."

- VaultBoy42

"Salt is important for sweets. A batch of cookies without that little hint of salt doesn't taste quite right."

- Osolemia

Unfortunately, this tip might not be accessible to everyone. Many people who contracted COVID can no longer use their sense of smell the way they used to.

"Have a friend that lost his smell from COVID, and now he only recognizes if food is salty, sweet, sour or bitter."

- AlphaLaufert99

"Just wait until he gets his sense of smell back and a ton of foods smell like ammonia or literal garbage now. Yeah, that's fun... It's been 7 months for f*cks sake just let me enjoy peanut butter again!!!!!!!!!"

- MirzaAbdullahKhan

You can't take back what you've already put in.

"You can always add, but you cannot take away."

- El_Duende666

"I find people's problems usually are they're too scared to add rather than they add too much."

- FreeReflection25

"I see you also grew up white in the mid-west."

- Snatch_Pastry

Safety first!

"Not really a cooking tip, but a law of the kitchen: A falling knife has no handle."

- wooddog

"I'm always so proud of my reflexes for not kicking in when I fumble a knife."

"If I drop anything else, my stupid hands are all over themselves trying to catch it (and often failing). But with a knife the hardwired automatic reaction is jump back immediately. Fingers out of the way, feet out of the way, everything out of the way. Good lookin out, cerebellum!"

- sonyka

"Speaking of KICKING in. On first full time cooking job I had a knife spin and fall off the counter. My (stupid) reflex was to put my foot under it like a damn hacky sack to keep it from hitting the ground. Went through the shoe, somehow between my toes, into the sole somehow without cutting me. Lessons learned: (1) let it fall; (2) never set a knife down close to the edge or with the handle sticking out; (3) hacky sack is not nearly as cool as it could be."

- AdjNounNumbers

"Similarly, NEVER put out a grease or oil fire with water. Smother with a lid or dump baking soda in there (do not use flour, as it can combust in the air making things worse)."

- Metallic_Substance

How else will you know it tastes good?

"Taste the food."


"Also don't be afraid to poke and prod at it. I feel like people think the process is sacred and you can't shape/flip/feel/touch things while you cook them. The more you are hands on, the more control you have."

"No, this does not include situations where you are trying to sear something. Ever try flipping a chicken thigh early? That's how you rip a chunk out of it and leave it glued to the pan until it's burnt."

- Kryzm

Here's one just for laughs.

"When you grab a pair of tongs, click them a few times to make sure they are tongs."

- Kolshdaddy

"People really overlook this one. You've gotta tong the tongs a minimum of 3 times to make sure they tong, or else it can ruin the whole dish."

- BigTimeBobbyB

If you're looking to get into cooking or to improve you technique, pay attention to these few tips.

Salt generously, add an acid to brighten things up, and don't forget to taste your food!

If all else fails, you can always order take out.

Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.


As part of the learning process, children often do embarrassing things before they learn a little more about the world and all the different implications therein. While the inappropriate moment is usually minor and ends in laugher some instances are truly mortifying.

One such instance involved a little sister who was around 6 at the time. It was the 90s and at the height of the youth-focused PSAs (think the frying egg representing your brain). One type was a safety PSA about stranger danger. The speaker would remind the children that if a stranger tried to take you anywhere to yell “Stop, you're not my mommy/daddy" to raise the alarm.

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