Oh that first love, that first lover. No matter who you date, marry or divorce there will always be something about our firsts we'll never be able to escape. That first always leaves a scar, good and bad. You shared something unique, that became a blueprint on the yeses and noes of love. And no matter how hard you try they sort of haunt you forever. The good news is, is that we're all somebody's first so somewhere you're being remembered in the same way. Although that can be stranger, some of those people I have restraining orders against.
Redditor u/hello0o0o0o0o0 wondered who would open up an old wound and discuss... Why did you and your first significant other break up?
Love from the UK...
She packed a suitcase, left only a note, and flew back to the UK. All while I was at work and was thinking she was taking a nap.
Why? She felt guilty that I was moving forward as a person while she was still "picking [her] butt" and couldn't decide what she wanted to do in life. Little did she know that I was sprinting to grow up so I would be able to provide better for both of us. Elindoril
Car first always!
It was a series of small things building up, a handful of big things that I overlooked while trying to make things work as long as I could. The short of it boiled down to drinking.
We'd go out, and the plan was to switch off being the designated driver, and he'd always start out with a couple drinks while I wasn't paying attention, and as a drink-nurser, I'd end up giving up my drink to babysit him and drive home.
Finally, one night before his birthday, we were at a bar TWO BLOCKS from our apartment, and I told him and his friends to walk home while I took care of moving everyone's cars into the neighborhood. I moved one car, came back to move the second one, and it was gone. SO and his friends had piled into it and drove it down, sideswiping a parked car along the way and parking like crap in an illegal parking spot. On top of that, he had no memory of hitting the car, while all his buddies were yelling at him to stop, and he vehemently denied it, even though there was proof (matching dents in the cars).
There was no reason for him to be driving, I had given him every out to not get in that car. Hell, our place was downhill, literally two blocks away from the bar. I broke up with him on his birthday, after realizing that he wasn't going to take responsibility for his actions, and I'd always be fighting him to act like an adult. 100% worth it, and still very bittersweet to lose my first love. Merry_Pippins
You're all better off...
My ex I found out afterwards never "loved me" and was "never attracted" to me because I'm white. Mennoly
Where does the line between racism and preferences go here? mashimoshi
You're 'Like a Virgin'...
My ex broke up with me because I wasn't a church going virgin. Took him over a year and a lot of sex to figure that one out. katcruise
Why is it men who have had sex get to expect gfs to be virgins at some point in their lives? I never see women decide they must date a virgin after not being a virgin. boot2skull
It's most likely tied to the legacy of religion, and the fact that some guys are intimidated by an experienced lady, and the whole thing about innocence, Just my two pence, I'm a guy btw it's just weird to me too. Cosmic09
Go in peace...
He cheated on me, then he fell in love with her and mooned over her til she dumped him a month later. Was good to hear, but didn't help my broken heart! Cane-toads-suck
Ah. Same with me. But then she came back to me after a few months. I said there's nothing left. Parted ways. I'm in peace now. darkprinceah
You'll always have Repo...
She wanted marriage and kids and to settle down. We were 21, had been together 4 years. Just too young. Broke up in 03. The weirdest part about it is getting texts or calls about cats she had that were kittens when we broke up, passing of old age. RIP Repo The Cat.
Repo was a tiny black kitten I saw on the highway in the middle of he day. I ran out in traffic to get her. She was like 2 weeks old.
Lived to be 15 years old that one. Fromhe
At least it's nice of her to let you know about the cat's passing. seabring
Screw them! Oh wait...
He cheated on me with my best friend. Oh yeh. First best friend and first boyfriend never spoke to either since. SighAnokk
Same. I was visiting my dad over Xmas at the time and they f**ked on Xmas day. Apparently she fell asleep halfway through (lol) so it didn't last long, like that matters. Both of those losers are long gone out of my life. Radicalposture_
Same here. Lost them both in one fell swoop. wilted_apostrophe
Because he was just with me because he lived to far away from the girl he "really" wanted. Strange really; when I found out and talked to the other girl, he used to say the same things to both of us, send us both the same pictures, same compliments. murphyslaw97
This is seriously my last relationship. I remember asking her if i would be bummed if i read her messages to him, she said no, then i asked if she would be bummed if i sent the same messages to some other girl, and she said "yes, but it's different."
Still heartbroken over it, but I'd rather have someone who will treat me better. nacho_username_man
When We Were Young...
We were too young to handle it sustainably. it was the best ~6 months of my life and then 6 months of it eroding, my heart breaking a little more every day until i ended it. it was for the best. tugboaconstrictor
Similar tale with me. best six months turned into the worst year. young, jealous, and immature. the both of us. DadWasntYourMoms1st
In case someone young is reading these replies, don't worry about it too much. You can still make a relationship work if you're young/immature. Been with my SO since we were 15ish. Just turned 22. An amazing 7 years, and it feels as good as ever! Kaiodenic
Those Summer Nights...
She told me she wanted to break up just for the summer, so she could "hang out with other people," and then get back together when school started. kamikaze_heart
Well, glass half full is she didn't cheat on you behind your back and you finding out and suffering betrayal months or even years later.
It's a very good thing when you're given the opportunity to simply end it like that when they're clearly interested in other people. SleepingInADream
Time After Time...
We were young. 14 or 15. Lived in different towns and I have no real clue. Just happened I guess. Cross paths with her once in a while. Looks like we are both married now (yeah I creeped).
I have had a pretty good life, lots of relationships and am now so happily married with a great partner. But for some reason she is the only one I wonder about from time to time. Is that how others are with their first? Maybe just over romanticize it? EndsLikeShakespeare
On the surface, it was because he lived in England & I lived in the US, and doing the whole long distance thing didn't work out. Also the whole young love thing (we were 18/19, lasted until 21/22).
In reality, I became a different person during our relationship. We fit each other well in the beginning, but I felt that in the three years that we knew each other (first online, then meeting in person for 1-3 week visits at a time), I went from being a weird misfit tryhard with no life/social skills to being a slightly less weird misfit who could hold down a job and normal conversational skills with people. He was still "quirky" and "bizarre" and terrified at the idea of me leaving him alone for more than a few hours at a time when we were together (either at home or in the city). I didn't see any progressions towards adulthood in those years - he didn't advance at work, at school, still lived at home, ate like a toddler, and it was really distressing to think I'd be chained to that.
Knowing that the plan was for him to come to the US and that we would get married (nevermind the nightmare of immigration) super young also made me panic. Then when he told me that he expected that he would go to film school while I worked and took care of him (partially sarcastic but ehhhhhh) was the nail in the coffin. PegLegPorpoise
I wasn't there emotionally. When we'd argue or fight I'd shut down and internalize and shut her out until I'm emotionally calm. I'd sometimes not talk to her for 2 days.
Because I didn't want to respond in anger. I didn't want to show fear or weakness or incapabilities. I wanted to put forth the image of what I felt a man is. Strong. Dependable. A provider and protector. A helper.
So much so that I never gave her all of me. She was my first everything. She was my wife. And she's gone now. And it hurts. Marcus_Allen
No big loss....
I was sick. And not just a lil head cold. I was feverish, dizzy, nauseous, could barely talk because my throat was so swollen. My boyfriend calls and reminds me I'm driving him to his weekly haircut - dude was 30 years old and without a license because of his recent DUI. He was also living at his mom's at the time.
I tell him so sorry but I can't anymore because I'm feeling terrible. He immediately becomes cold as ice, saying "Ok have a good one I guess" before hanging up on me.
He then texts, "Don't tell someone you can do something and not do it." I respond by telling him that first of all, I'm SUPER SICK, and second, he's gotta go with the flow, not everything is gonna go as planned.
This sets him off. He sends a flurry of texts that effectively slaughter our relationship, saying my "true colors are disgusting," that I'm "rude as f**k," and to please lose his number.
This completely crushed me. Still chased him for a few months after that. :( Happy to report I've met some amazingly kind and respectful guys since then.
OH - and I found out later that I was sick on that particular day not from the flu, but from an initial outbreak of herpes or HSV-2. That I contracted from him. theblackspaniel
Just make it work!
She really wants kids, I really don't. We're both mature enough to know there's no compromising with this and that trying to change the other's mind isn't good path. She ended up landing a teaching job a few hours away and that provided the best opportunity for a clean break.
It's sucks. We were together over 3 years, lived together over 2, and fully in love. We both agreed we would have gotten married if not for the kid issue. I miss the hell out of her. She misses the hell out of me. We have no idea how to handle a breakup when you're both still in love. Now I'm sad again. Peter_Panarchy
It's me... not you... trust.
I might be an outlier here... but it was because when I was with him I was a horrible person. He was SO eager to please, and as a people pleaser myself this is saying a lot. I didn't know how to handle his expectations (and his family's). I don't know that I actually did love him. He told me he loved me and I figured it was polite to tell him I loved him back.
I didn't treat him particularly well, after he became less... convenient. I had my own plans as to how my life would go, but I had no idea how to tell him he wasn't part of it. He ended up just wanting to follow me wherever I went. I resented him following me because all he ever wanted was to make me happy without having any input. "What do you want to do?" - "I want to do what YOU want to do."
I ended up breaking up with him because I just... didn't want to be that person anymore. I wanted to NOT be with him, and I just never knew how to tell him (youth). I kept half breaking up with him, or asking him for space, and he'd say ok and then I'd feel bad and we'd get back together. I did things that I hoped would push him away, but he'd still be there.
Anyways, I didn't treat him well. That's the main take away. I didn't want to be the bad guy, but I sure wasn't the good guy. I wasn't mature enough at the time to take on what I thought I was able to. I should have told him that I wasn't ready for a relationship that serious at the time. I did apologize to him years later, but he was still... on his own path.. and it was a mixed experience. shenaystays
Sacrifice for service...
I joined the military and she couldn't leave our hometown. 6 years later and I'm still single and she's been engaged twice.. and my dumbass can't get over her. waffl3top
And when you leave the military you can start a career as a country music writer, that's how it works I'm sure... PreparedDeath
Exactly the same here except we survived the first few years of service and broke up just before my first deployment. I'd tell her how I feel but she's too far away for anything to really happen and has her own stuff to sort out. Still see each other as friends sometimes and it's nice but occasionally tough, so telling her might end that.
On the bright side, Tinder round where I'm based is on easy mode at the minute, so there's that. wuhwuhwiener
So many questions...
To this day I'm still not fully sure He never gave a consistent full answer and changed it that often I couldn't even guess what it was at the time. A year later I can only assume is that he wasn't in the right headspace and/or we just weren't right for each other. mandaskywalker
YES. Not having the closure or explanation of what happened ruined me. I still don't know. I have reasons that I guess, but looking back, I feel as if I didn't know him as well as I thought I did. And that hurts. pancakesinatmosphere
All is Well?
We were young and I was too stupid to keep it low-key enough that he father wouldn't pick up on it. He didn't think she was old enough to be dating (we we're both 16). Her mother loved me and was happy with it but her dad pressured her to dump me.
She did and got with another guy pretty much right after. He was a real piece of work. Gaslighting, verbal abuse, emotional, mental, eventually physical. Went on for years. Her and I sometimes hooked up for a week or two here and there but she always ended up going back to him.
She got married to someone else about a year ago. I don't know the guy but from what I hear he is a good dude which makes me very happy for her. Still talk with her mother now and then (our families go back as friends for three generations so her mom is like an "aunt" to me). She reports nothing bad so I assume all is well. silverblaze92
My ex hubby, the love of my life... Slept with a dear friend who was also my Asst. Manager of the store I managed.
Started to figure things out when I happened to fill in at the other store and he got into a motorcycle crash and a girl was on the back. Yes both ok but the way he hovered over her. Everyone lied to me.
They are now married and have 2 kids, it's been so many years but it still hurts my heart bad. itsfroggyout
I'm sorry you went through that, and while it's not a consolation, he'll likely end up doing the same thing to her (and his kids). Maybe it coming to light as it did saved you from suffering worse later. Good luck to you. ✌🏻