You know those totally unrealistic scenes in movies that never, ever happen in real life? If they bother you, you're not alone.
Nest-egg asked: What's the thing that always happens in the movies that NEVER happens in real life?
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
The bad guys are always terrible shots.
5 machine guns somehow missing the protagonist in the room.
And then the protagonist shoots five bullets from his pistol and gets each of them right through the heart.
I still can't use Excel.
Brand new technology being incredibly intuitive for first time users. Seriously, regular characters just walk up to enemy sh*t for example and just start manipulating the system. Yeah, because Bill here can even find Task Manager let alone log into and use some new software at an enemy's base.
IT'S A UNIX SYSTEM!
And the breakfasts are always fit for a king.
Leaving the house without even touching the breakfast mom made. My mom would kill me.
Stack of six pancakes with syrup and butter, eggs, bacon, muffins, juice, everything kid takes a sip of juice "BYE MOM I'M LATE FOR SCHOOL" lookin ass.
Yeah, bad plan.
If a girl is arguing with you in real life and you kiss her to shut her up she will most likely not appreciate it.
But it IS an excellent way to find out if your girl knows how to throw an effective punch.
Do you have questions? I have questions.
A single, simple stab wound kills a person instantly.
Like, no, you can be stabbed dozens of times and still live; sometimes even without medical intervention.
Source: Has a family member who was stabbed sixteen times by his wife. He's still alive and was able to calmly talk to her right after she did it.
It's somewhat bothersome honey. Maybe we should just watch TV.
I get it, you're a little on edge right now.
Oh dear it seems I am being murdered.
Honey that isn't a very good way to express yourself.
5 bad guys attacking the hero ONE-AT-A-TIME.
In these scenes I enjoy watching the baddies fannying about in the background waiting their turn. They're usually flailing their arms.
There was one day in 2001...
Phone call: "turn on the TV"
TV: *exactly the correct station at the beginning of the news story the person called about*
That actually happened once in my life. 9/11, it didn't matter what station I was on as it was only covering that.
That's the exact scenario I thought of. My sister did literally call me and yell "turn on the TV!" and whatever random station it was on was showing NYC. It's the only time I can remember that happening in the modern more-than-3-channels era. Before cable, it was a lot more common because there were 3 or 4 major channels and they all showed the news at the same time.
When you get out of bed after having sex and your underwear is still on.
Or covering your boobs with the comforter when you sit up even tho you just had sex.
It makes sense when it looks like the room is cold, but that's pretty rare, and usually the guy is there topless and comfortable.
Real life isn't scripted.
Fluid, witty and well rounded dialogue where the characters never do stuff like pause, mumble, hesitate, miss a reference, have nothing to say, etc.
Every teen TV show in the 90s. High-school kids bantering with university-level vocabulary because the writers wanted to wank their own skills.
I felt Rick and Morty did this really well with the dialogue. Lot of stuttering, repeating words, misspeaking and quickly correcting themselves, talking over each other, belching, etc. Made it feel a bit more authentic.
A lot of shows, Rick and Morty included, get around this issue by being ad libbed to some degree, which can help the dialogue feel more real in that way.
Like they have anything better to do.
A bunch of students in their late twenties in high school.
That joke in Scary Movie is great because Regina Hall was actually like 27 in that movie IIRC
Sure you can.
"Wait I can explain!!"
Runs away before you can explain the easily explainable situation you were in.
Don't forget to plop down to the nearest available thing and cease all contact for the next six months while you hatch an over the top plan to show them how much you love them and that "you've changed"
Chase the plane, see what happens.
Boarding a plane after the gate has closed. No, not even for true love!
"I'm sure she loves you too, but you're now going to be detained under anti-terrorism laws."
Why don't they ever show the half an hour queue for security?
I wanna see the movie where they frantically run past security and get tackeled for being a terrorist
Neither of these are actual things.
Dreaming of kissing a beautiful woman but are actually being licked by an animal.
Breaking Through a Window Unscathed.
I had a professor that taught classes on comics, sci-fi, and pop culture (as English classes). We came in to class one day to a broken window and his hand wrapped in paper towel. Turns out in his previous class, which was held in the same classroom, while discussing how unrealistic and difficult it is to punch out a window, he attempted to demonstrate by punching one of the classroom windows.
Evidently, when the building was getting worked on, some dumbass replaced that window with picture frame glass, which is not nearly as strong as regular window glass, and the professor proceeded to stick his hand through the window.
He took it really well, and insisted on teaching our class as well, despite us trying to get him to go to a doctor. Super fun guy, wish more educators were like him.
Reminds me of the professor who showed up 20 minutes late to the day of our final. Dude had been in a wreck, STILL HAD LIKE HALF-DRIED BLOOD DOWN THE SIDE OF HIS HEAD, and he insisted that he administer the final to us. Dude isn't even teaching that day! He literally just hands out the test, gives like 20 seconds of instructions, and then observes us. Send in a secretary bro and go take care of yourself!
Like your dude, he was a really good teacher. He almost made me want to major in economics, but only took the basic Micro and Macro classes from him.
Guns with no recoil and not going deaf despite not wearing hearing protection when firing that M4 indoors singlehandedly and taking down every bad guy with one shot per guy and no reloading...
Also, every handgun sounds like a loosely attached jumble of metal pieces that make several noises every time the main character aims at a different target.
Only thing louder than a gun in a movie is a knife or sword. ¯_(ツ)_/¯
Ahh, the true weapon of the ninja.
When soldiers die on the battlefield in movies, its usually a whole ordeal with last words and grunting and the injured soldier slowly becoming lifeless as a buddy holds him in his arms. All the while the battle seemingly lulls off as this one random guy is dying.
This just doesn't happen. Usually battlefield deaths are quick and very sudden. A lot of the time the guy hit either isn't noticed until later or is dead before they hit the ground.
Saving private Ryan opening scene was great, the guy looking for his arm, or huddle behind the anti-tank things.
A Redditor a while ago recounted a story about taking his grandfather to see Saving Private Ryan and how his grandfather lost his sh*t over the opening scene, had proper flashbacks and everything, and said it was utterly viscerally realistic.
Wha's something you've seen in a movie that you wish could happen in real life?