We all have our embarrassing moments as kids. Some of them are traumatizing and others are just really funny in hindsight - like peeing all over yourself because the urinal is too high, or misspelling your crush's name. Here are some goodies.
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
Always support people's dreams.
I had an older cousin who I overheard say she was going to be a porn star one day. I had no idea what that was (9yrs old). One day we went to the mall with her parents and a kiosk was selling license plate holders. One said "#1 porn star". I very loudly said "look Angie! #1 porn star!! For you!!" The look on her parents face....
Is that what they call it now?
I pissed myself in primary school in year 5 (UK). I was so shy I didn't want to put my hand up and ask to go to the toilet so I tried to hold it in until home time, which was only a few minutes away- but to no avail. Once the floodgates were open and there was no going back, I decided that the best course of action would be to look as nonchelant as possible, and just maybe, no one would notice. So I stood there, silently gazing out of the window and pissing myself, trying to appear as though I didn't have a care in the world.
Obvs that was a sh*t plan of action and of course everyone f*cking noticed. Just when I thought I'd reached the climax of mortification however, when the whole class was watching me piss myself in stunned silence, the (very sweet) teacher said 'Bonnie?' and my f*cking mouth decided to blurt out 'IM BEING SICK.'
The teacher muttered 'You're... being sick.' And I responded, defiantly, with piss streaming very obviously down my legs and all over my white (or, yellow) socks and into my shoes 'Yes. It's not wee. I'm being sick.'
I sh*t my pants on the jungle gym at school while waiting for my mom to pick me up. Another kid shouted "someone smells like poop" so my logical response was saying "whoever smelt it dealt it" and walked away.
Oh yeah, I was wearing white soccer shorts.
Kinda wanna try it tbh.
When I was 7, me and my family were visiting Edinburgh and we decided to go to the botanical gardens. While there, I was drawn to these giant Lilly pads. I suddenly had memories of watching frogs jump on smaller sized Lilly pads and thought it would be an excellent idea to try and hop onto one to see if it would hold my weight. Safe to say it did not, and it was a long, wet walk back to the car after an embarrassing explanation to the managers of the gardens as to why one of their giant Lilly pads had a child-shaped hole in it.
Even the teacher laughed? Oof.
In first grade, pretty normal kid, liked to play video games. Video games like the original super smash bros.
I was often bullied by this one kid. One day he says something to me in the middle of class, in front of everyone, that pushed me too far, Don't remember what it was, but I decided to punch him. I get out of my seat... in front of the entire class... walk over to him... in front of the entire class... and start swinging my arm in a wind up like DONKEY KONG IN SUPER SMASH BROS... in front of the entire class. I was about to punch him, until he says "you punch like a girl." The whole class laughed, the teacher laughed and I walked back to my seat without ever swinging the punch.
Decades later and it still kills me to think about.
EDIT: Lol no guys, I'm not still charging the punch.
In elementary school I used to pick my nose, drop my pencil "by accident", then wipe my boogers into the carpet when my hand was already down there to pick up my pencil. Two problems with my foolproof plan:
- I wasn't discreet AT ALL with the actual nasal excavation
- I did this shit like every five minutes
Edit: the elusive carpeted classroom was in Utah, USA. Why is this so f*cking exotic to y'all?
To ruin the circus...
My mom took my brother and I to the circus when I was about 5 or 6. We got slushie drinks during the circus that were pretty frozen. Trying to break up a big piece of ice I jammed the straw to the bottom of the styrofoam cup putting a hole in the bottom and getting cherry slushie all over me. I started to cry when everybody was quiet watching the the tightrope walker do his thing. Here I am screaming, covered in red stuff and a spotlight shines on me. A lot of people gasped thinking something really bad was happening. They stopped the show for a few minutes. The only thing more red than my shirt was my mom's face. I still think about that from time to time, and call my mom to apologize sometimes when I'm drunk.
A for effort.
In fourth grade my mom took me back to the school after hours because she had some PTO meeting or something of the sort. With my boredom peaking, a brilliant idea popped into my head. I claimed that I needed to get something out of my desk in my classroom, and was allowed to go grab it - which gave me a few seconds in the classroom all by myself.
When I got into the room, I immediately grabbed a piece of paper and wrote "I love you Kelsie!" and placed it in Kelsey's desk, the girl I'd had a crush on and had never spoken to, and left.
Next day - I get into the classroom and everyone is surrounding Kelsey's desk. They are trying to figure out who wrote the letter - so naturally I play along and try to decipher the handwriting to figure out this mystery crush who couldn't even spell her name right.
Worst (or best) part was that my teacher knew that I was in the room by myself the day before. She never gave me up, but I know she knew.
Being a kid is so awkward.
Went on my first date at around 13 to Finding Nemo with a girl and her friend when it first came out in theatres. Ate a bunch of popcorn with a huge soda and ended up sitting through the last 30 minutes of the movie having to pee so, so bad. Being an awkward early teen, I didn't want to get up and awkwardly crawl through the packed movie theater so just endured the pain.
Afterwards, I ran to the packed bathroom and waited in line behind a ton of other men awkwardly for a urinal. Finally, one opened up in my line and I rushed up to it only to realize that the base of it was at my crotch level, so I basically had to pee upwards to get it in the urinal. I had to pee so bad and felt so awkward about the whole situation that I started peeing but didn't want to be even more weird and look down at where I was peeing in front of all the other men waiting to piss.
So... I just kinda stood on my tiptoes and stared at the wall, initially getting it in the bowl but then becoming unaware of where my pee was going...I ended up spraying the front of the urinal, getting my entire lower front covered in piss bouncing off the contaminated urinal, and soaking the floor and probably the guys feet next to me.
Upon finishing my giant pee, I realized the shit I was in as I had to meet my date and her friend outside the bathroom along with walk past the line of guys waiting to use the urinal behind me. I ended up rapidly pretending to spray myself with water at the sink and then walked out with my sweatshirt on, but with my hands in the front pockets stretching it down, trying to cover up my crotch and upper thighs. I rapidly said bye without a hug and hopped in the front seat of my moms minivan and rode home smelling like pee. It was awkward.