Moving in with your significant other is a big step in a relationship, and it can reveal hidden truths about your partner that you didn't know were there. For example, some people don't mind living in squalor. Or they're catfishing you and even after they aren't who they say they are, you move in with them anyway (WTF).
kingrazor001 asked, [Serious] What deal-breaker did you not know about your SO until after you started living together?
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
It's not that hard to say you're sorry.
GiphyShe couldn't say "sorry." Dated for years and she could never admit she made a mistake. Like one time she got something out of my car at night and somehow left the passenger door open. It rained and the passenger seat got soaked; car smelled like mildew after that for as long as I owned it. I was really upset when it happened because the car was literally a week old, but the best she could do was make a joke about how a deer must have broken into my car and then not talk to me for a whole day.
Gross.
GiphyHe doesn't mind dirt. I'm not obsessed with a spotless house, but poo on the toilet bowl? Dust so thick you can't read the buttons on the TV? He was fine with that. He couldn't stand a single messy pile of clutter but didn't care much about filth. It was so odd for me, his house was always spotless when I came to visit. When we moved in together I realized he only bothered with that if someone he wasn't comfortable with was coming over.
I knew it was probably bad when I picked up one of his two pairs of work pants and made a comment about how I was washing them because they were rather rank, to which he replied "oh. That's because I haven't washed them since I bought them"
He gets uniform allowance in July. It was December.
I had to read this one twice.
GiphyA female friend of mine moved in with a guy who seemed totally normal. Then a large delivery of adult sized nappies/ diapers arrived. She stuck with it. Then he insisted on wearing them, and she stuck with it. He insisted on pissing in them and getting her to change it. Dear readers, she stuck with it. She had a hip operation and couldn't get upstairs quickly enough to meet his demands and the whole thing fell down. What some people will put up with.
Being in a relationship is more than just sharing rent...
GiphyI kinda knew it beforehand, as he needed time to himself all the time and we only saw each other on weekends. But only after we moved in together I realized how much time he really needed to himself. I basically never saw him and it felt more like we were roommates.
I get how you need alone-time and time to unwind after work (I mean, so do I), but never really seeing your partner wasn't the kind of relationship I wanted.
He sealed the front door shut... why??
GiphyWe dated for a year before moving in together but I didn't know just how weird this guy was until I was with him 24/7. He was always doing really strange things, rearranging furniture while I was out, moving my stuff and not telling me where he put it, pissing in beer bottles and leaving them by the TV... one time he used foam sealant to seal the front door shut and we could only use the back door until we finally got it back open. He never made an effort to get to know my family and lied about his own father dying. I eventually was like, okay, I'm outtie and moved back home and the next day he totaled the car that was in my name and immediately went out and bought a new one. When I was living with him he said he was broke and living off of credit cards, but he had apparently had a stash of money he didn't want to tell me about. Weird dude.
In. Sac. Cur. I. Ty.
GiphyShe NEEDS male attention at all time which means whenever I leave the apartment she is flirting with some guy online.
Kinda hard to keep this a secret when you're living together...
GiphyHe was seeing someone else at the same time as me.
Crack is whack, especially when you omit losing your kids because of it.
He used to be into drugs. No big deal, I can't smoke because of my job, but it's not my place to judge if someone else does.
He conveniently left out the part where he lost custody of his kids (less than a week before we started dating) for smoking crack.
Sun Tea
GiphyThat he was a totally self-absorbed. Oh, and that he peed in bottles when be was too lazy to go pee and then left them around the bedroom. F*cking heinous.
Another day, another teenage catfishing story.
GiphyHe lied about everything. We started out long distance as pen pals (mid 90s before everyone was online). After a lot of phone calls, letters, etc. We finally met IRL when he came to visit me.
First lie, he looked nothing like he described. Fine I can forgive that. We ended up getting our own place and he just kept piling up lies. He talked me into going out to CA where his family was from. Here are some things he lied about.
His real name. His brother being a half brother. His past relationships. His family's living conditions.
And he got away with all this lying because English was his families 2nd language and they never spoke it at home. I was always in the dark. Even if one of them wanted to say something to me, they'd say it to him and he'd tell me. They could all speak English, but they wouldn't talk to me. It was a hard lesson. But luckily I learned it as a teenager and it taught me a lot about what red flags to look watch out for.
Leave the tuna alone.
GiphyHis penchant for throwing tuna cans when angry.
Had to pay for the dent he left in the metal closet door when our lease was up. Was happy to pay, though, because that can missed my head by millimeters.
Daddy issues to the extreme.
GiphyGay and wanted to regularly have sex with my father. This one was held in till we got married. Noped the f*ck out.
Professional-level interloping.
GiphyI didn't know he was moving in. He was a friend's roommate when we met but one night he came over and just didn't leave. I asked my friend about it and they had kicked him out for being an alcoholic, screaming at like 2 a.m. and urinating in the neighbors yard. When he came back from work, I had his bag packed and told him to GTFO.
What living with me is like...
GiphyWe dated off and on for 5 months. We spent most of the time out, home time was Netflix tv series we both liked. Great times and thought I found the one.
Once she moved in it was 14 hours a day of political "news" and opinion shows which would leak into every conversation we had about any subject. The entire DVR was filled within 2 weeks with the CNN and MSNBC 6 hours of evening politics shows. Delete one to make room for something and she knew within a few hours. It was creepy obsessive, she kept a notebook with tv schedules of those shows, with tightly planned viewing times and recordings to maximize being able to watch and record it all.
There was no hint of this when I asked her to move in. We agreed on most political issues to, but it's not something I want to discuss often. So glad when she moved out. It was so frustrating to have to cringe every time you speak a sentence because you know her next words are, "I know you don't like politics but..."
"What’s the wildest thing you’ve ever heard teacher say in class?"
And Anyone With Such Closed Minded Views Shouldn't Be Teaching...
"Had the Head of the Department in college claim in class that anyone who actually needs accommodations for mental health issues should not be in college to begin with."
"This was while we were discussing 'Death of a Salesman' and the discussion had veered over to unhealthy pressure and social standards for success."- RavensQueen502
Wait what?!
"My very well-respected Biology teacher in college spent almost an entire lecture telling us that Jamie Lee Curtis was a hermaphrodite."
"It seemed oddly personal to him."- Urbane_Cowboy
Sad On So Many Levels
"Not heard but my freshmen year high school teacher once pulled a bottle of Jack out of his desk and took a shot during class."
"He was dying so towards the end I think he just stopped caring."- Mangothefello
Can't Take The Heat, Then Stay Out Of The Classroom...
"High school science teacher told my class that a kilometre was longer than a mile."
"Refused to budge when refuted and kicked out several students for doing so."- SupersonicDebris13
"5th grade teacher: 'Mount Whitney in California is the tallest mountain in the world'."
"5th grade me blurts out: 'No it isn't, Mount Everest is."
"Whitney is not even the tallest mountain in the USA, which is Mount McKinley in Alaska'."
"I got in trouble for 'contradicting the teacher'."- gtmattz
get out GIFGiphyIt's Not Just Students Who Are Bullies...
"I had a teacher ridicule a fat kid about his lunch choices in front of the whole class."
"He ran out crying as she was making fat guy blimp gestures and telling him he was going to be huge as an adult."- SnooOwls5859
Some Dramatic License It Seems...
"I had a literature teacher who told the class that he didn't believe in dinosaurs, because the universe is only a couple thousand years old."
"The bones were put there by Satan."
"Thank f*ck he wasn't a science or history teacher."- AllBadAnswers
of montreal dancing GIF by Polyvinyl RecordsGiphyEveryone Deserves Nice Acomodations...
"My English teacher told us that he genuinely believes that the Rothchilds own a hotel for aliens in the Bermuda triangle."- TroyLear77
Well, Then...
"We had this kid in our 6th-grade class."
"Very dark skinned kid from Africa."
"His name was Tajak."
"Every now and then when we'd line up to go to another class or lunch and the lights would go out some of his friends would go 'where Tajak at?'"
"Anyway one day we had a sub and we we're lining up for lunch, the lights went out and there went the 'where Tajak at?' and the SUBSTITUTE TEACHER who was also black went 'Boy you darker than night'."
"6th grade was f*cking wild."- 11221mikew
Sad Premonitions
"Psych teacher in high school told us that 1 in 10 of the people were friends with in high school would be dead within 5 years of graduating."
"At the time I thought it was hyperbole, but it turns out he was being conservative."
"3 of the people in my high school friend group were dead by the time I was 22."- Reddit
Do They Really Need A Reason?
"'Now girls, don't you let them boys touch your breasts'."
"'It'll give you cancer'."- jondru
Maybe Should Have Checked With The Geography Teacher?
"A teacher in Elementary school claimed during history class that the Colosseum was in Greece, as an Italian kid I was very confused, this was in Mexico."- Spascucci
So Much For Instilling Hope...
"Didn't hear this personally, but read in a book about a guy who recalled his teacher skipping chapters in a textbook and saying 'You will not need to know this when you are down in the mines'."- futanari_kaisa
The mark of a good teacher is that students will take everything they hear from them with them for the rest of their lives.
Though, the less-than-wonderful teachers may also say things their students will never forget.
Redditor RedditPenguin02 wanted to make a list of the best inquiries to make when starting a relationship, so they asked:
"What is a good question to ask before you start dating someone?"
From what I've learned in my past, always ask... "Are you into Buffy the Vampire Slayer? The TV show."
If it's a no, then it's a dealbreaker.
I Do
Shocked Schitts Creek GIF by CBCGiphy"Are you married?"
wrenchmonkey135
"I would ask that. If they said no, the next question was 'Would your wife agree?'"
"If they laughed, they were telling the truth. If they got indignant and pissed off that I thought they were lying…they were married."
"Worked every time."
Squibit314
We Lived!
"Do you clap when the plane lands?"
dont_u_know
"I swear people used to do this all the time when I was a kid (early 2000’s), and I don’t think I’ve heard anyone do it in 5+ years. I guess 9/11 really made people afraid of flying for about 10 years and then most folks decided they didn’t need to applaud when the plane landed safely?"
jmims98
Family Planning
"Do you want kids in the future? If one person wants kids and the other wants to stay child-free, then they are not compatible. And it is better to try dating someone else."
GoodAlicia
"It confuses me whenever some couples who disagree on this end up in a conundrum because one expected the other to change their mind. This is something I bring up early cause I see no future with someone who wants kids when I do not."
GoodAlicia
"You should always put childfree on your dating profile. It's not a small thing. Either you agree on it or not. If I had to date, I would put childfree on my profile too."
GoodAlicia
Carb it on...
"Do you like bread? That is the extent of my flirting skills."
HumpieDouglas
"Being German, bread is like a frickin' cultural phenomenon here, we have around 300 kinds of bread, there's a bread museum, every time I go on vacation I'm like yeah it's nice here but the bread ain't it yall, never as good as home lol. So yeah, valid question and the only answer to this is an enthusiastic yes."
Nayeliq1
Room Temperature
Frosty The Snowman Winter GIF by filmeditorGiphy"What temperature do you set the thermostat to throughout the year?"
OneFingerIn
"Haha this one always gets me as someone who needs low temps - you can always put on more clothes, I can't peel my skin off to get cooler."
djdante
The thermostat is a dealbreaker for me.
It's gonna be 60. Love it or move on.
Discovery
Blown Away Wow GIF by AminéGiphy"When was the last time you changed your mind about something?
"Opens a window to how they think."
youcantkillanidea
"If that was really early on in the dating I’d think it was a bit of a head-f**k question. I’d probably find that question a red flag, tone dependent, although I agree with the sentiment."
LivestockMarc
Personal Time
"Aside from major differences about finances, kids, politics, or religion, a big one is; What are your hobbies? If they don’t really have any, you may be the next hobby, which isn’t going to work unless you’ve got that kind of time. If the hobbies are time-consuming ones generally done with a SO."
"But you have no interest in them, that could be an issue as well. If only one of you likes camping, wanted to spend vacation lounging instead of exploring, didn’t like sports, etc either that partner is annoyed or the other feels like they don’t get to enjoy what they love."
Githard
Past Issues
"Ask them about their exes. If they think every single one of them is an a**hole... they are likely the real a**hole."
CantTakeMeSeriously
"I have mixed feelings about that - I've been in three previous relationships and all three were emotionally abusive towards me (one wasn't nearly as bad as the other two, though) in various ways. I know this is a common sentiment and it always makes me afraid that people won't believe me or something.
"I mean, I realize in your comment you said 'likely' and not '100% sure' and there's plenty of room for nuance."
phiore
Values
"I would try to take care of any dealbreakers. If I find out that she has different political values than I do, it's not going to work out in the long run, so I wouldn't bother. Same thing with other factors (religion, financial values, etc.). I would also ask how much cuddling she likes to engage in, as I prefer a lot."
SkullKrusher9000
Essentials
Tell Me More To Do List GIF by Disney ChannelGiphy"When I was dating my three essential questions were always kids, sex, and money. If you're not on the same wavelength for any of those three things, just don't even try."
KhaosElement
TRUTH PLEASE!!
"So, how much personal debt do you have?"
"Source: the guy who dated a woman with huge debts and was asked to pay for everything and then some".
"After that, I'd go with, 'Have you ever been diagnosed with borderline, narcissistic, or histrionic personality disorders?"
extracensorypower
The questions are basic.
Just ask for the truth.
Do you have any good Qs to add to the queue? Let us know in the comments below.
