Parents do the best they can. At least most parents do... we pray. We learn from them how to go forward in life. Sometimes our parents are wrong and sometimes we learn the exact wrong things. The eternal battle of nature versus nurture is a real issue. Each generation grows and changes and pretty radically these days. We often have to differ from the lessons and beliefs our parents bestowed upon us. And that is easier said then done!
Redditor u/RealAppearance wanted people to divulge a few things about their learned behaviors by asking... What did your parents teach you that you had to unlearn?
Be Normal...
Even though I'm a leftie, they insisted that I write with my right hand. They were convinced that it was the "normal thing to do."
It was a huge struggle writing with my right hand, as every impulse told me to use the left. Finally, as an adult, I learned to write with my left hand. It came so naturally that I never used the right again. Back2Bach
For the love of God... USE YOUR TURN SIGNAL!!!
That you don't have to use your turn signal if there's no one behind you. Got pulled over by a cop that was just sitting in his car on the side of the road. imarealgrampa
My mom doesn't use a turn signal for any reason, and she even changes lanes without looking sometimes. So one time I bugged her about using the signal and she said she didn't want the other drivers to know where she was going. TheRoseByAnotherName
You got to have friends....
GiphyHow to not make friends.
It was always emphasized that friends are meaningless and we should stick to ourselves and not talk to anyone else. Now, it's hard to make friends and keep them, or even have meaningful relationships with other people. flecka22
I have the same problem but in a different way. I was raised by my mom and grandparents, no siblings. I was never discouraged from making friends but I was never encouraged either. I didn't know anything but my toys and eventually video games. I was never "pushed" to try out for any activity. Also lived in a very rural part of town so there was no one around for me to hang out with.
So I became a huge loner. Always have been, always will be. I learned social skills eventually but still not extremely well. DrGiggleFr1tz
Peace first...
Learned from my dad how to be non confrontational because of his explosive anger. I've come to realize not everyone gets irrationally angry when you confront them so I'm working on that. YANMDM
Yeah that's relatable. It's fascinating how many anti-confrontational people I've come across with volatile/narcissistic fathers. What's really interesting is I wouldn't even say my dad was abusive or a bad person, and yet I definitely had to walk on eggshells around him. yoitsthew
I know of which I speak!
My mother has a habit about talking about things like she's an expert. It wasn't until I hit my late teens she would make it up without having proven or factual read about anything. Also she's really gullible when it comes to polite people in administration. I've learned to question everything. Jgalayd
Money Changes Everything...
GiphyWhatever happens, don't spend money. It was a breakthrough in therapy when I figured out that if I have a problem, and I can fix it by buying something I can afford, then it's ok to buy things. planetheck
Money is a tool. Nothing more nothing less. People have an unhealthy attitude toward it. No one would have the attitude they have towards money towards a shovel. Zardecillion
Eric and Jimmy and.... Jolene?
My parents never wanted to listen to kids music so they would change song lyrics and just sing them loudly over the songs when I was in the car. The most notable was the Jimmy Buffet song that goes "why don't we get drunk and screw" which they changed to "why don't we get lunch at school."
I was 20 before I finally figured out Jimmy wasn't interested in eating hot lunch on a water bed and Eric Clapton wasn't actually singing about hanging out with a woman named Jolene. foxykittenn
Cleanliness is next to Godliness...
I love my mom, but she wasn't and still isn't the most attentive housekeeper. I never really realized it until I was much older. I lived like a total slob for a long time. Then I met my ex with whom I have a son. She was/is a freaking cleanliness nazi.
It rubbed off though, because now I'm just as bad. I never realized how good having a very clean home is for your mental well-being. Theearthhasnoedges
Life is Rough...
It took decades to (mostly) de-normalize emotional abuse / gaslighting. In my ignorance, I hurt many people I care(d) for deeply. Cheftard
I cry a lot realizing the people I hurt when I myself was hurting due to these things. We are better people by acknowledging it and trying to be better. ambann15
You're both wonderful people, and I hope you might be able to find some closure with some of the people you drove away with those mistakes.
As you said, you're a cut above the rest of understanding that it is toxic behavior and working on it. Many internet hugs to you, stay strong. WhineyVegetable
Like Minds....
GiphyTo try to finish people's sentences. My mom would sometimes get lost/stuck in the middle of her sentence so my sisters and I would finish the sentence for her since we could usually guess what she was trying to say. But for most people, this would just be annoying. SmartAlec105
How am "I" the normal one?
Bunch of stuff about what a burden I was.
They also convinced me that I was an ungrateful person who couldn't feel gratitude, and I believed that until probably my mid-20s. eight-sided
I often wondered why I'm able to be so patient with everyone else (friends and even strangers) but with my close family (parents and brother) I always get easily angered at them, and afterwards they call me a jerk, sociopath, ungrateful piece of crap and other mean stuff.
Just recently I've learnt that my house is full of narcissists who've manipulated each other and me all their life, and that explains all the self doubt and negativity. I still wonder how I turned out normal, or maybe I am not but don't even realize it. user7526
Too Toxic...
Respond with anger to anything going wrong. Cunninghamslawyer
Wish my dad would unlearn this. Cylon_Toast
I didn't think much of my Dad's anger until I had kids. Looking into my daughter's eyes and realizing he looked into mine the same way, and made the decision to act the way he did, painted a very vivid picture about his character. Not the kind of poison I want my kids to look up to. Cunninghamslawyer
Stable isn't a dirty word...
GiphyTo live life on the fly. Treat every day like your last. It's really a crappy, selfish way to live. ThanosIsInnocent
If everyone treat each day like their last it would be utter chaos. If I knew I would die tomorrow, then I would gamble my life savings and other stupid things that would get me consequences. TheBanisher967
Finish the puzzle...
If you need to know something, they'll teach it in school. Don't screw something up by trying to fix it yourself. Always call a professional. YOU have problems. WE don't have problems. Everyone else in this family is normal. That was the mentality. Whenever I would ask about that sort of thing, I was told that I was just a kid and didn't need to worry about it. Then I got criticized in my 20's for not knowing how it all worked. godsbane77
There are worse things in Life!
Directing biting, hostile comments and insults at your family every day. Catastrophizing when everyday inconveniences occur.
Defeatism/Taking everything as a cosmic sign of your bad luck. (Spilling milk on the kitchen counter and floor = "I can just never get ahead in life!" — an actual recent quote)
Ruminating over old minor slights endlessly, for years. ("Do you remember the time your grandma said insertfairlyneutralcommenthere?" No mom, I gave her the benefit of the doubt that she didn't mean anything by it, and also that happened literally 20 years ago.) HookerMitzvah
Hot Button Issues....
That vaccines don't work, make you sick/weak/dead. Well I didn't have either, nor did my siblings. Still silly though. And I think it was sids she was worried about, then 'brain injury.' MrReyneCloud
Win at any cost!
Actual words from my dad's mouth: "Don't cheat, unless you know you'll get away with it." -spookyxghost-
It's not cheating if you don't get caught. That's fine for boardgames but not in relationships. AAA515
I think the point is that you can't know for sure that you'll get away with it. It's not something you control. Climax708
it's not all about you!
Not everyone is out to get you... life isn't about being paranoid. Hiworld1122
I think my dad has some deep seated problems with this. Any look or comment could be a slight. He recently left the church our family had been going to for 12 years and was actively involved in because he thought the sermon was ridiculing him directly. But the kicker: the new church's sermons were ALSO about him specifically even though no one there knew him or his situation. snoozecrooze
The Sun will come out tomorrow...
That you should always anticipate the absolute worst. Friend late meeting you? They're probably dead. Currently working to unlearn this in therapy. KieshaK
I walked out of a store a couple weeks ago with my mom and the sun had come out. It made me happy and I said "Yay! The sun is finally out!" She replied "well, I'm sure it won't last more than five minutes." It felt like she had just burst my little happy bubble and then I realized how negative and pessimistic she is. And it made me realize what your parent's attitude can do to you. So I want to be conscious of that with my kids. Interestingly, my one son has to write a paper on the health benefits of optimism, so it is all good timing for me. :) SunshinePumpkin
Religion is tricky....
GiphyReligion. My family is hardcore Roman Catholic, when I was younger, grade school to high school, my aunt would drag me to processions. We walk for miles holding candles while singing chants. I thought that was normal, she wanted us to follow what the church would tell us to do. When I left home for college and did my own study about religions I became agnostic and realized everything we did was weird. Still don't have the guts to tell them my religious views, they would flip. hibiscusity
Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.
Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?
But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.
It would be so great to be sure there is something else.
But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.
Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:
"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"
Sensations
Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."
PeachesnPain
Recovery
"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."
"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."
"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."
good_golly99
Take Me Back
"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."
"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."
rayrayrayray
Free
The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."
TooReDTooHigh
This is why I hate surgery.
You just never know.
Shocked
Giphy"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."
Admirable_Buyer6528
The SOB
"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."
"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”
1-cupcake-at-a-time
Colors
"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"
Hannah_LL7
"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"
huntokarrr
The Fog
"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."
"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."
Fluffy-Hotel-5184
Through the Walls
"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."
"She's quite alive and well today."
Hot-Refrigerator6583
Well let's all be happy to be alive.
It seems to be all we have.
Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.
The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.
Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.
Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:
"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"
Redditors didn't see these coming.
Shiver Me Timbers
"I’m always cold now!"
– Telrom_1
"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."
– r7ndom
"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."
– mr_remy
Drawing Concern
"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."
– dee-fondy
"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"
"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."
– LizardofDeath
Unleashing Insults
"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”
"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."
– alanamablamaspama
Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight
"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."
– KeltarCentauri
"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."
– KatMagic1977
"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."
– Jaew96
These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.
Shopping
"I can buy clothes in any store I want."
– WaySavvyD
"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."
– ganache98012
No More Symptoms
"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."
– colleennicole93
Expanding Capabilities
"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."
– Ramblonius
People Change Their Tune
"How much nicer people are to you."
"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"
– LiZZygsu
"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"
"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"
– awholedamngarden
It's gonna take some getting used to.
Bones Everywhere
"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."
– Princess-Pancake-97
"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."
– bekastrange
Knee Pillow
"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."
– snic2030
"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."
– Strongbad23
More Mobility
"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."
"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."
– dma1965
People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.
But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.
That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.