People Reveal What Happened When They Accidentally Caught Their Spouse Cheating
Well, this relationship is probably over. And it's probably going down in flames. There are some things you just can't unsee.
What would your reaction be if you walked in on your spouse cheating on you? Caught in the act?
u/DEDCMDM94 asked:
What is your "accidentally caught your spouse" cheating horror story?
Here were some of the answers.
Facebook Follies
Had a really close group of friends who would always prank each other. One of my mates found out the Facebook password of another, so while on Skype the whole call - included myself, logged into his Facebook account (being 7 people) to make a stupid status. At the same time my partner of 5 years was messaging him on Facebook about how good sex was last night and about meeting up again.
Two Timing
College girlfriend and we lived together for a year after I realized she would always have her phone on silent or just plain ignore calls from "Jennifer." One day I write down the number and call it a week later. It ends up being her other boyfriend who she had never broken up with before she came to college. Neither of us knew about each other and she had being visiting him when she went home to see her parents on some weekends and breaks. Broke up soon after and her mom said that sometimes you just have to accept things and how I owed her an apology for breaking up with her. It gets worse but that was the gist.
Double Whammy
Walked in on my girlfriend while she was having sex with another guy. "What are you doing here?!" she says. "You gave me a key, remember? I ended up not working today and wanted to surprise you."
15 years later she reaches out, leaves me a message that she'd like to talk. I figure she's doing some 12-step thing or something and wants to make amends.
Nope. She wanted to try and sell me on Amway.
Goodbye Marriage
Came home early. They were fast enough to get dressed but not in a natural state of being, if that makes sense. It was obvious something was just going down. Very cliched "got walked in on and tried to play it cool" like you see in tv. I asked him to leave and he did.
We argued, she tried to lie but soon confessed. It wasn't the first time she cheated but it was the first time that I caught her in the act. Everything in the past was just texts and stuff. She said that she never slept with the other people and it was just pics and flirting. In retrospect, that may not be BS.
We divorced, both remarried. Not friends by any stretch, but civil.
A Terrible Homecoming
Mt St Augustine erupted in Alaska in 1986. They had to evacuate all planes out of Elmendorf AFB due to ash in the air. This sent my unit home from Korea 3 days early. I got home at 2 AM and there was a guy sleeping next to my wife in our bed.
Life Ruiners (They Ruin Peoples' Lives)
Not me but a medical resident who I met on rotation recently. One of the nicest guy I ever met, super intelligent and hardworking, and training to be a trauma surgeon by humble as they come. He had been married for 2 years to his wife. One night he gets off a 30 hour call early and heads home to surprise his wife with some flowers and her favorite dessert (it was the anniversary of the day they first met). Only to find her in bed with a random dude.
He was so exhausted and confused, he didn't know what to do and just left and went back to the hospital. I saw him at 5AM, sitting in the parking lot, hunched over crying. He didn't even have his phone with him, he was just sitting there. Man, nothing breaks your heart more than seeing a grown man cry, it's not something you see often. We called his dad up and he came and picked him up, the guy ended up taking a leave from his residency. Turns out, it wasn't the wife's first time sleeping around. Hope he gets back on his feet, he will make an amazing physician.
Hell Probably Hurts Less
Long story short, I suspected something for a few months. Like an idiot, I opened her phone while she was asleep and found exactly what I was looking for, like you always do when searching through someone else's phone. Even with all of the texts right there to see she still lied about it multiple times. She eventually admitted to it but downplayed it heavily.
She told me about two nights ago that he asked her out on a date and she said "I had to say no" and was visibly sad about it.
In the process of getting a divorce now. Hurts like hell.
Some News I Should Like To Know
Me and my girlfriend were long distance and she had a habit of going quiet sometimes. She'd been texting me for the last few weeks but had made excuses not to come visit.
I went to a party that my friend had organised. I met a friend of his who told me he had a new girlfriend. I was surprised he hadn't mentioned her, so I asked who she was. This lady introduced me to my girlfriend. She'd told everyone that we broke up, and had been dating my friend for about a month. She didn't bother to tell me.
True Bromance
Dating this girl a few years back and I became really good friends with her brother just because he appreciated my help during a difficult time for their family (their father had abruptly passed away).
2 years into the relationship the brother contacts me and asks to meet up for coffee and a serious conversation.
Apparently HE caught his own sister with another guy (mutual friend of ours) and this sh*t had been going on for like a year.
As soon as he found out, I was told.
Broke up with her. Still friends with her brother. Go figure.
A Good Moral To The Story
Things had been a little shaky as I was working a lot and felt sapped when she wanted to go be social with friends so I often stayed home.
I wanted to do something nice for her for Valentines day so I sent her friend a text asking if there was something that she may have mentioned she would like to do. As I was waiting on that text I was in another room I saw her phone buzz with her friend's name. The number was below the name and since I had just sent her a text I knew they didn't match.
There are very few times my blood has been that cold and feelings of dread.
I called the number with my phone and it rang and rang before going to voicemail. Needless to say it was the other guy.
I confronted her about it and she said she was waiting to leave and had a bag packed in case I found out. She had no intentions of trying to work things out so a month later she had moved out.
I made a decision then that I could be broken up and miserable or that I could choose to be happy and be open to a relationship if it was available. I've since remarried and have two beautiful boys with my amazing wife.
Regardless of the sh*ttiness and horror in these stories there is always the opportunity to be happy. If you're reading this thread because it happened to you or just from morbid curiosity : choose to be happy. Be the person that you can be proud of and move on to better things.
A Party Divided
Not mine but my brother. He was at a small party with two friends and his wife. He got tired and wanted to head home. His wife stayed behind, she gave some lame excuse and begged off going with him. It was alright, he thought. His best buddy was there and would make sure she got home safe for him.
He got in his car. Pulled out of the driveway. Before he could get on down the block he checked his rear view and noticed the room in the house they were all in had gone dark.
He'd suspected for a time something was up with her. They had a child together. She died at the sitter. It was ruled SIDS. She had grown colder in the months after the baby died. He never really thought anything like what he was about to see was actually possible. It was more a deep seated feeling that something was up but she never let him in and they didn't work through the loss together. Seeing the lights out crystalized the situation for him, and he turned right around.
The house was dark. The front door was still unlocked. He walked right in and to the only room with any light. He opened the door to find his best friend and another "acquaintance" double teaming his soon to be ex.
He hasn't really been the same since...
Unadvisable Marriage
I met this girl who was working the late shift at a drug store. We'd flirted a few times, eventually exchanged numbers, and started sleeping together. After a few weeks, she invited me to go drinking at this crappy little bar she liked in the north side of the city. So we spend the night dancing together, drinking, and talking to people she knows. Eventually a guy comes up to me, saying, "Great to meet you finally! Congratulations on the engagement!"
"What are you talking about?!", I replied, laughing as I choked on my drink a bit.
Guy gives me a quizzical look, and says, "You're here with Corrie. It's Paul, right!?"
I raised an eye brow and pointed a thumb to my chest, stating, "Nah man, name's Kyle." We stared at each other, watching each other realize what was playing out on this faithful night.
Corrie was engaged to a guy named Paul, I was the other guy. Paul worked out of town for weeks at a time.
It was actually interesting, how you literally could see the word travel around the small bar, drastically changing the vibe in the room. We left shortly after.
She brought me, the guy she was cheating on her fiance with, to her favourite bar. She brought me to a place full of friends that at least knew her well enough to know she was engaged to a guy named Paul, not Kyle.
Messed up stuff. Didn't see her again after that.
According to Facebook, Paul and Corrie are currently married.
Connectivity Issues
Okay so my ex was having computer problems and wanted to go on Facebook on my phone. No problem but I made her use safari so I wouldn't have to log out of the app. Anyways couple days later I'm closing tabs on my phone and there is her Facebook still open. Well I see she's chatting with her ex John. Turns out they banged in our bed and were gunna go out on a date soon.
So in the messages he asked she "wear something nice" in the messages. I'm not the jealous type so I leave it for a couple days. Couple days go by and she wants to have sex... well we are kissing and getting hot and heavy. I whisper in her ear "don't forget John wants you to wear something nice on your date Saturday"
The look of horror in her eyes was magical.
I put my shirt on and start walking out as she's crying and saying she's sorry.
Unlikely Stories
Didn't happen to me, but my closest friend growing up. He was making out with his girlfriend in the back of her car (which at the time she had only had for a week) and he put his hand on the back of the car somewhere between the back of the head rests and the rear windshield. I guess the opposite of a dash board? Anyways he put his hand in a semi-fresh load of jizz. And her answer was that her gum must have flew from her mouth and land back their and the sun melted it into a jizz like substance!
Unattached
Was on a very rare date night, kids at the grandparents house. I'm looking extra cute so didn't even want to carry a purse or my cell. Used his phone on the way to the restaurant to confirm our reservations. After eating, used his phone again to get the movie times via text. Saw a name in the frequently sent, asked him innocently "Who is Lisa?" He snatched the phone and said "my coworker." FF 3 hours later and I'm throwing his clothes into his car after going online and viewing the hundreds of text sent to several women.
But still, I was a fool for love and opted to stay. I was with him my entire adult life so I didn't know anything different. That was 2006. We had our 19th anniversary in January. My divorce was final in March. He got married to ANOTHER one of his many affairs in June. I'm enjoying being unattached and becoming an empty nester as of this fall.
A Happy Ending
Throwaway account, only because I find this story a bit too weird--even for me.
One time my husband thought he had caught me cheating on him.
I'm a full time artist and do pretty well for myself. Most of my paintings are on the weird and surreal side, so when I'm experiencing a creative block I do some pretty weird s***. My husband and I are childhood sweethearts so he's seen it all.
I was nearing the end of my deadline for a gallery series and I was STRESSED. My husband was nervous leaving me alone for a week, but he had a business conference that he couldn't miss. Around day 2 I ran to the supermarket to buy a pack of condoms and cheap barbies. I scalped and maimed the barbies and stuffed as much of it in the condom as possible The result was interesting (I'll probably paint it someday in the future) and somehow motivated me enough to finish the remaining paintings in the series. I throw the few condoms I'd used away and boxed the remaining with my art supplies. Didn't bother to think any further on it.
*Cut to 5 days later*
Husband comes home: I'm making dinner while he showers. He turns the water on, promptly turns it off, comes downstairs looking white as a ghost and walks out of the house without a word. I'm freaked out and go after him, but he's already gone with the car. I'm blowing up his phone but he won't answer me.
Trying not to freak out too much. I decide that maybe I'm overreacting, and just let it go for a few hours.
Still no response.
I reach out to some family and they haven't heard from him either.
I spend a sleepless night debating what to do next.
Early morning my husband comes home looking like shit and reeking of alcohol. He goes off at me. Screaming and cursing. I've never seen him like this. I'm trying to calm him down to figure out wtf is happening, but he won't let me talk. He's going on until he finally uses the word "cheating". Aaaaand it clicks.
He found the condoms.
I use the typical, "it's not what it looks like" response so he decides to calm down and humor me.
Go to my studio and pull out the sketches I'd done of the barbies in the condoms to show to him. He's giving me a strong *WTF is wrong with you* look, but is calming down. Still not really believing me. So I ask him if the condoms even had fluid in them. Calming down even more. I grab the poor maimed barbies, and he breaks out in laughter before he begins to tear up.
I love this man to pieces and it broke my heart that he had been so torn up thinking I'd slept with another man. This whole thing happened 2 years ago. Now we just laugh at the whole thing. It took a little while for him to get back to normal. I'm sure he still thought something might be up, but he eventually just settled with the fact that he married someone who's weird AF. We're still going strong.
It's a teacher's job to leave a lasting impression and set a good example for their students.
With this in mind, particularly in this age of viral videos and social media, teachers have to be very careful of what they say during class hours.
Even so, there are very few teachers who haven't said something they've regretted when teaching a class.
Sometimes to control unruly students, other times when they've simply had enough.
Then too, sometimes teachers leave their students baffled and perplexed by what they say in their classroom, well aware of what they were saying.
Always making for a memorable story.
"What’s the wildest thing you’ve ever heard teacher say in class?"
And Anyone With Such Closed Minded Views Shouldn't Be Teaching...
"Had the Head of the Department in college claim in class that anyone who actually needs accommodations for mental health issues should not be in college to begin with."
"This was while we were discussing 'Death of a Salesman' and the discussion had veered over to unhealthy pressure and social standards for success."- RavensQueen502
Wait what?!
"My very well-respected Biology teacher in college spent almost an entire lecture telling us that Jamie Lee Curtis was a hermaphrodite."
"It seemed oddly personal to him."- Urbane_Cowboy
Sad On So Many Levels
"Not heard but my freshmen year high school teacher once pulled a bottle of Jack out of his desk and took a shot during class."
"He was dying so towards the end I think he just stopped caring."- Mangothefello
Can't Take The Heat, Then Stay Out Of The Classroom...
"High school science teacher told my class that a kilometre was longer than a mile."
"Refused to budge when refuted and kicked out several students for doing so."- SupersonicDebris13
"5th grade teacher: 'Mount Whitney in California is the tallest mountain in the world'."
"5th grade me blurts out: 'No it isn't, Mount Everest is."
"Whitney is not even the tallest mountain in the USA, which is Mount McKinley in Alaska'."
"I got in trouble for 'contradicting the teacher'."- gtmattz
get out GIFGiphyIt's Not Just Students Who Are Bullies...
"I had a teacher ridicule a fat kid about his lunch choices in front of the whole class."
"He ran out crying as she was making fat guy blimp gestures and telling him he was going to be huge as an adult."- SnooOwls5859
Some Dramatic License It Seems...
"I had a literature teacher who told the class that he didn't believe in dinosaurs, because the universe is only a couple thousand years old."
"The bones were put there by Satan."
"Thank f*ck he wasn't a science or history teacher."- AllBadAnswers
of montreal dancing GIF by Polyvinyl RecordsGiphyEveryone Deserves Nice Acomodations...
"My English teacher told us that he genuinely believes that the Rothchilds own a hotel for aliens in the Bermuda triangle."- TroyLear77
Well, Then...
"We had this kid in our 6th-grade class."
"Very dark skinned kid from Africa."
"His name was Tajak."
"Every now and then when we'd line up to go to another class or lunch and the lights would go out some of his friends would go 'where Tajak at?'"
"Anyway one day we had a sub and we we're lining up for lunch, the lights went out and there went the 'where Tajak at?' and the SUBSTITUTE TEACHER who was also black went 'Boy you darker than night'."
"6th grade was f*cking wild."- 11221mikew
Sad Premonitions
"Psych teacher in high school told us that 1 in 10 of the people were friends with in high school would be dead within 5 years of graduating."
"At the time I thought it was hyperbole, but it turns out he was being conservative."
"3 of the people in my high school friend group were dead by the time I was 22."- Reddit
Do They Really Need A Reason?
"'Now girls, don't you let them boys touch your breasts'."
"'It'll give you cancer'."- jondru
Maybe Should Have Checked With The Geography Teacher?
"A teacher in Elementary school claimed during history class that the Colosseum was in Greece, as an Italian kid I was very confused, this was in Mexico."- Spascucci
So Much For Instilling Hope...
"Didn't hear this personally, but read in a book about a guy who recalled his teacher skipping chapters in a textbook and saying 'You will not need to know this when you are down in the mines'."- futanari_kaisa
The mark of a good teacher is that students will take everything they hear from them with them for the rest of their lives.
Though, the less-than-wonderful teachers may also say things their students will never forget.
People Who've Had A Serious Illness Describe The Exact Moment They Knew Something Was Really Wrong
As a kid, I never raised alarm bells even when I started to feel sick. My mom got stressed easily and was busy taking care of my younger brother, so I never wanted to be a burden by making her take me to the doctor only to find out nothing was wrong.
However, in fifth grade, my ears started to hurt and I knew something was wrong. I told my mom, she took me to the doctor, and I found out I had an ear infection.
Now, an ear infection isn't serious at all, and it was easily treatable. Still, I learned something from that experience: no one knows your body better than you. You know if and when you're sick and how serious it is, even if you don't now exactly what is wrong.
Redditors can corroborate this. Many of them have experienced symptoms that told them they were sick in some way -- usually with a very serious illness -- and are ready to share those experiences.
It all started when Redditor thelearner18 asked:
"People who have had a serious disease (cancer, MS, organ failure, etc) when did you realize something was really wrong?"
A Lesson Learned
"Hust found out i have rectal cancer. 42 yrs old. multiple stools per day, not fully emptying, thin poop. so got a colonoscopy. bam! cancer. starting chemo next week. lesson learned for everyone....if your stools or stool schedule changes, go see a doctor"
– shawngee03
A Lucky Break
"I had been having a lot of pain in my midsection, and all around my torso for several weeks. I went to the doctor and it was dismissed as gynecological cramping (menopausal?). It remained. After several weeks (6-8) I couldn’t take it anymore. I went to emergency in the middle of the night. I got a CT scan that showed a large kidney stone. They also found a mass on my ovary. The kidney stone lead them to finding a rare ovarian cancer. If not for that stone, I wouldn’t have known about the cancer and might not have caught it in time. I have been in remission since September 2021."
– peachsqueeze66
Cause For Concern
"My kid, who was 14 at the time, kept throwing up in the morning and having weird headaches. Her doctor thought it was migraines. She went back a couple of times, but the doctor was not concerned. Then one day she complained of a whooshing noise in her ear. Went to the children’s hospital and found out it was a brain tumor near her cerabellum. She was in ICU for a month, but turned out it was non cancerous and it never grew back. She is doing great now."
– Evilelfqueen
"I heard a whooshing noise in my ear a few years ago I only really heard it at night when it was quiet it would sometimes switch ears now I basically never hear it. I'm pretty sure it was just pulsatile tinnitus but still scary."
– fallen-summer
It Was The Salt
"I have Cystic Fibrosis (terminal lung disease) and it was found out when I didn't sh*t for 3 days after I was born and then my mother gave me a kiss and said I tasted REALLY salty."
"Now I'm on a gene modification drug called Trikafta and this is some serious witch craft a** sh*t because I no longer feel sick to death and I basically feel like a normal person. It's f*cking wild!
"Went from 19% lung function to 87% in 3 months. I no longer cough my a** off or feel like I'm suffocating from mucus. Go science!"
– Sudden_Blueberry_477
A Funky Optic Nerve
"I was diagnosed with MS when I was 22 after having blurred vision in one eye after a ski trip. I went to the optometrist and they said I had a dry eye probably from not wearing goggles while snow boarding. So they gave me steroid drops. After a week it kept getting worse, so I went back and they told me my eye looked much better so they did a field of view test, which showed I couldn’t see anything out of the lower half of one eye. They sent me straight to the emergency room since nothing was wrong physically wrong with my eye. They did some tests and I was diagnosed with MS and ended up going completely blind in one eye. My vision eventually came back and I got on medication within a month so haven’t really had any symptoms or issues since thankfully. I’m only 29 now though."
– johnjohn9312
Caught It In Time
"This isn't me, but this happened to my best friend VERY recently. Like in the last couple of months."
"Was perfectly fine and healthy one day. Then the next he started feeling a little bit of pain in his kidney. He'd had kidney stones before, so he figured it was that again. Then he started peeing blood. He thought it was still part of the kidney stone thing so let it go for a couple days, but he was still peeing blood and the pain was getting worse."
"That's when he decided to go to the doctor. They did an X-ray and found a mass in his kidney and told him that based on where it was located they can't remove the mass, and they can't do a partial kidney removal, and it's about a 90% chance it's cancerous, but they wouldn't be able to do a biopsy without removing the kidney first. They did the whole insurance dance, but it went fast and within two weeks he was in surgery having his kidney removed."
"He's still recovering at home right now, but they got the biopsy results last week. It was indeed cancerous, but they caught it before it spread."
– SweetCosmicPope
Happily Ever After
"I couldn’t walk anymore with my crutch I had been using to get by. Had Been on Percocet for 8 months because of the extreme pain. Nobody was finding answers to my pain but I knew something was wrong, badly. After finally having an ultra sound on my hips at the age of 26 I found out I had to undergo a double hip replacement to walk again due to a serious rare disease. I was stage 4 Avascular Nercrosis. Took a year to recover from both. But Happier ending, I’m doing good now. However it was very very upsetting news to get over a phone call at 26."
– heartpathetic
It Really Sneaks Around
"My wife started getting numbness in her right arm. The breast cancer had spread to her right shoulder and the tumor was crushing the nerves. She has stage four breast cancer in her bones."
– zenos_dog
A Turn For The Worse
"For me, it started May 14, 2014. I went to work and was having a good morning. Then, at about 9:00 in the morning or so, I started to feel some lower abdominal pain. Not to be crude, but it felt like that cramp you get when you really need to go to the bathroom. I did so, but the pain didn't go away. It got worse. I started to feel chills, was sweating, and felt nauseated. My employer has a clinic on site, so I went there. After some poking and prodding, the nurse asked me if I wanted to go home or if I wanted to go to the emergency room. I decided to go home, and if the pain didn't subside, then I'd go to the emergency room. As I was saying that, though, I noticed that my pain had gotten a LOT worse. They always make you rate your pain on a scale of 0 to 10, with 0 being no pain at all and 10 being the worst pain you've ever felt. When I went into the clinic, I was mostly uncomfortable, maybe a high 2 going into a 3. On that very subjective scale, I was now a 6 or a 7."
"I changed my mind and decided to go straight to the nearest emergency room. My boss drove me, and by the time we got there about 15 minutes later, I was now a 10. This was the worst pain I'd ever felt. My previous definition of the worst pain I'd ever felt was when I broke 7 bones in my wrist, it was misdiagnosed as a sprain, and I had to have them rebroken 2 weeks later. The pain in my abdomen was now worse than that. The emergency room admitted me and put me in a wheelchair. They wheeled me to a room, I curled up on the bed they put me in, and passed out."
"At some point, a nurse came in and gave me some morphine. Great stuff. No pain at all anymore. A doctor came in and told me they suspected a kidney stone. He wanted me to get a CT scan to confirm it, and I agreed. An orderly wheeled me off to imaging. I got scanned without contrast and was wheeled back to the room. My wife had arrived while I was getting scanned. Shortly later, the doctor who told me he thought it was a kidney stone came into the room. With another doctor. And two nurses. They all crowd around me with solemn looks on their faces."
"The first doctor told me it was a kidney stone. A 2 to 3 mm kidney stone had been lodged in the ureter of my left kidney. That's the tube that goes from the kidney to the bladder. It passed into my bladder when they gave me the morphine, but they could see evidence of it on the CT scan. Then the other doctor said they were more concerned about the 6 cm mass they found on my right kidney. They had my attention."
"They did another CT scan, with contrast this time, and it was impossible to see anything but a tumor in the pictures they showed me. They made an appointment for me with a urologist for the next day, as well as an appointment in a few days time to get it biopsied. It was an after-hours appointment for the urologist, but he was nice enough to stay late to see me. He looked at the CT Scans and cancelled my appointment to get it biopsied. He said there was nothing else it could be but cancer, and the kidney would have to go."
"Two months later, I had the kidney and the tumor removed laparoscopically. I was incredibly lucky. They caught it in stage 1. The doctor said there were signs it was going to start moving soon. I have no idea how doctors can look at a softball sized lump of cancer and tell anything other than 'gross', but that's why they're the doctors and I'm not."
"My recovery was smooth, and I've been cancer-free for 9 years. I was incredibly blessed. I didn't have to deal with chemo, or radiation. While those can save your life, they are also horrible experiences with nasty side effects. I didn't have to deal with any of them. I was bracing myself to have to. They said it was a possibility. But I didn't. I have every respect for those not as fortunate as me, and wish them all the best in recovery."
– mnementh9999
Reason #5,622 To Start Exercising
"I started jogging again to try and get back into running shape. I kept noticing that just after a mile or so, I'd stop and get REALLY lightheaded. Kept thinking, "oh, I'm really out of shape" and kept going. Went in a few weeks later for my annual physical and doctor said "you ever been told you have a heart murmur?", no. Two months later I spent Christmas of 2017 in the ICU after having a section of my aorta cut out and a new valve put in. Surgeon said it was bad. Said it wouldn't have made it too much longer."
"Edit: for clarification, it was an aortic dissection."
– Itsawlinthereflexes
Slow And Steady
"My dad's friend went on a hike with a doctor who knew him and he was winded not far from the car. The doctor clocked it right away and told him to get his heart checked. He had 98% blockage in his heart arteries."
"He tells my dad so my dad gets the test to see how his arteries are doing and they found a massive aneurism on his aorta. He is getting it removed tomorrow. He had no symptoms but the doctors said if he had overdone it he would be dead before anyone would even know what was going on. Crazy how a random friend's hike may have saved his life."
– Pencilowner
It Takes A Village
"I never did, my teacher and parents did."
"I was seven, usually an active kid and my first grade teacher noticed that rather than running around at recess I sat down and took a nap. It happened a couple more times and after I fell asleep in class (totally out of character), she gave my parents a call, we had been visiting the doc fairly regularly cause I was also complaining of joint pain and frequent ear infections combined with the new symptoms and a new doc at the practice I was finally diagnosed with leukemia."
– greenmachine11235
Thank goodness for that teacher (and of course, the parents)!
When in the beginning stages of dating, it's important to know as much as humanly possible.
The element of surprise is no longer a fun aspect of romance.
Ask the small questions. Ask the hard questions.
Interrogate. Grill. Investigate.
Of course, you should do it with a subtle hand instead of an interrogation lamp.
The truth is all we have.
Ask everything.
Redditor RedditPenguin02 wanted to make a list of the best inquiries to make when starting a relationship, so they asked:
"What is a good question to ask before you start dating someone?"
From what I've learned in my past, always ask... "Are you into Buffy the Vampire Slayer? The TV show."
If it's a no, then it's a dealbreaker.
I Do
Shocked Schitts Creek GIF by CBCGiphy"Are you married?"
wrenchmonkey135
"I would ask that. If they said no, the next question was 'Would your wife agree?'"
"If they laughed, they were telling the truth. If they got indignant and pissed off that I thought they were lying…they were married."
"Worked every time."
Squibit314
We Lived!
"Do you clap when the plane lands?"
dont_u_know
"I swear people used to do this all the time when I was a kid (early 2000’s), and I don’t think I’ve heard anyone do it in 5+ years. I guess 9/11 really made people afraid of flying for about 10 years and then most folks decided they didn’t need to applaud when the plane landed safely?"
jmims98
Family Planning
"Do you want kids in the future? If one person wants kids and the other wants to stay child-free, then they are not compatible. And it is better to try dating someone else."
GoodAlicia
"It confuses me whenever some couples who disagree on this end up in a conundrum because one expected the other to change their mind. This is something I bring up early cause I see no future with someone who wants kids when I do not."
GoodAlicia
"You should always put childfree on your dating profile. It's not a small thing. Either you agree on it or not. If I had to date, I would put childfree on my profile too."
GoodAlicia
Carb it on...
"Do you like bread? That is the extent of my flirting skills."
HumpieDouglas
"Being German, bread is like a frickin' cultural phenomenon here, we have around 300 kinds of bread, there's a bread museum, every time I go on vacation I'm like yeah it's nice here but the bread ain't it yall, never as good as home lol. So yeah, valid question and the only answer to this is an enthusiastic yes."
Nayeliq1
Room Temperature
Frosty The Snowman Winter GIF by filmeditorGiphy"What temperature do you set the thermostat to throughout the year?"
OneFingerIn
"Haha this one always gets me as someone who needs low temps - you can always put on more clothes, I can't peel my skin off to get cooler."
djdante
The thermostat is a dealbreaker for me.
It's gonna be 60. Love it or move on.
Discovery
Blown Away Wow GIF by AminéGiphy"When was the last time you changed your mind about something?
"Opens a window to how they think."
youcantkillanidea
"If that was really early on in the dating I’d think it was a bit of a head-f**k question. I’d probably find that question a red flag, tone dependent, although I agree with the sentiment."
LivestockMarc
Personal Time
"Aside from major differences about finances, kids, politics, or religion, a big one is; What are your hobbies? If they don’t really have any, you may be the next hobby, which isn’t going to work unless you’ve got that kind of time. If the hobbies are time-consuming ones generally done with a SO."
"But you have no interest in them, that could be an issue as well. If only one of you likes camping, wanted to spend vacation lounging instead of exploring, didn’t like sports, etc either that partner is annoyed or the other feels like they don’t get to enjoy what they love."
Githard
Past Issues
"Ask them about their exes. If they think every single one of them is an a**hole... they are likely the real a**hole."
CantTakeMeSeriously
"I have mixed feelings about that - I've been in three previous relationships and all three were emotionally abusive towards me (one wasn't nearly as bad as the other two, though) in various ways. I know this is a common sentiment and it always makes me afraid that people won't believe me or something.
"I mean, I realize in your comment you said 'likely' and not '100% sure' and there's plenty of room for nuance."
phiore
Values
"I would try to take care of any dealbreakers. If I find out that she has different political values than I do, it's not going to work out in the long run, so I wouldn't bother. Same thing with other factors (religion, financial values, etc.). I would also ask how much cuddling she likes to engage in, as I prefer a lot."
SkullKrusher9000
Essentials
Tell Me More To Do List GIF by Disney ChannelGiphy"When I was dating my three essential questions were always kids, sex, and money. If you're not on the same wavelength for any of those three things, just don't even try."
KhaosElement
TRUTH PLEASE!!
"So, how much personal debt do you have?"
"Source: the guy who dated a woman with huge debts and was asked to pay for everything and then some".
"After that, I'd go with, 'Have you ever been diagnosed with borderline, narcissistic, or histrionic personality disorders?"
extracensorypower
The questions are basic.
Just ask for the truth.
Do you have any good Qs to add to the queue? Let us know in the comments below.
As much as we always hop for our dating efforts to be worth it and for every relationship to work out, we all know that some relationships are not destined to work out.
But sometimes relationships end for totally valid reasons, and sometimes the reasons are painful, if not devastating.
Redditor overIorded asked:
"What went wrong with your last partner?"
History Repeating Itself
"He cheated on me. And I was glad because that was finally reason enough to allow myself to leave."
"Now I know somebody who's in the same situation. They're trapped. And she's such a gentle and fun person who's afraid to leave him because 'well, it's always been like this, I'm used to it,' and 'I deserve it.'"
"She wants to leave him, she knows she should leave him, but it's so hard to do it, and I know that feeling."
"I'm thinking I should give her my phone number like when the day comes you've had enough, I'll gladly come to help you move out from that s**thole."
- NmlsFool
Mental Health Struggles
"I'm lost in my own trauma and mental illness and he deserves better than anything I have to offer right now."
- Last-Celery7146
"I’ve been on the receiving end of this, and mildly said, it absolutely ruined me. Her trauma and mental problems were BAD, but I still wanted to be with them. So if you ask me, as long as they can give you the space and support you need, and want to be with you, let them make the decision."
- emilersen
"It's also fair and mature to care very much about someone but realize that you only have the emotional bandwidth to take care of yourself right now."
"I'm sure it was very hard for both of you to come to terms with that decision. I don't think it's that he deserves better, I think it's that your attention needs to be on guiding yourself through this thicket of trauma and mental illness before you can be someone else's partner. You can love each other very much but also acknowledge that you don't have the tools to spare for a relationship right now."
"I'm proud of you for focusing on your own mental health and someday, when you have more emotional stability and energy, I hope you find a wonderful partner."
- SpoonAtKnifeFight
Relationship Styles
"We disagreed on how many women he was allowed to date. I’m very strong on monogamy and have no interest in someone (in a supposedly committed relationship) that isn’t."
- Altrano
At Least There's That
"Her psychotic brother tried to kill me. Thankfully he has a Stormtrooper's aim..."
- Active-Plate7939
"Hate the attempted murder, love the 'Star Wars' reference."
- letmetellyousom
Childfree Living
"He wanted a big family, like, six kids, all-natural. Obviously, he wouldn't be birthing them. This was very important to him while I was pretty ambivalent about kids, and the further into my adulthood I've gotten, the more I've realized I just don't want to be pregnant."
"I broke it off so we could both get the lives we wanted. He was also quite a bit more conservative than me, and at the time closeted pansexual person, and some stuff he believed just didn't line up with what I believed. It hurt, but it was amicable."
"Now he has a wife and kids like he wanted, and I am happily partnered and childfree. It worked out for the best."
- Free-Government5162
Family Ties
"She hated that I had a healthy relationship with my family and was trying to find ways to sabotage it."
- Cobra-Serpentress
"Similar aspect to mine, she hated my sister and mother because she had a bad relationship with her sister and mother. She would get mad at me whenever I brought my family up."
- letmetellyousom
Quality Time
"My last boyfriend dumped me because I got mad that he was coming to Dallas after I hadn't seen him for two months, but didn't want to see me."
"He was going to meet up with some friends of his he hadn't seen in a few months. I told him that was fine with me, but I felt he should make time to see me too since we hadn't seen each other in two months and we were supposed to be a couple."
"He responded to my anger by ghosting me. That was two years ago."
- dallasmysterylover
Distracted with a Punch
"A girl contacted me about him talking to her. I asked him what was going on, and he sucker-punched me in the face."
- Brilliant-Victory128
Projecting Insecurities
"He cheated on me for all six years we were together and then accused me of cheating on him, even though I wasn't allowed to leave the house."
"I'm also pretty sure he slept with my sister-in-law when my brother and I went to pick up dinner."
- Affectionate_Egg1252
Children Come First
"He was and still is no father to his kids, has anger issues, and probably has other mental health issues. I tried for years to help him and help the relationship, but he wasn't having it. After seeing how my oldest suffered under him, I had to leave."
- rintan13
Poor Communication
"I communicated how I felt about many things in the relationship. He never communicated about anything."
- aj_oof0323
"Oh look, it's the last 14 years of my life..."
- empathetic111
"I'm guilty of this, and boy, do I regret not being able to open up about my feelings. It cost me my marriage. But now I'm trying to be more open and share my thoughts and feelings. Just wished I could've done this earlier than later."
Deserving Better
"I started drinking again and became a miserable a**hole due to my own depression and my s**tty job. As such, she didn't get the attention she deserved, and had to put up with my s**tty mood all the time... so she left. I don't blame her."
"So, it was me. I don't know if I trust myself with a relationship again, but aside from the shame of knowing I hurt someone who I loved, and loved me back, but I was too self-absorbed and selfish, I am trying to be a better human to everyone."
"And to my ex: You'll find someone again... someone better."
- cracksintheegg
Big Moves
"He wanted to move to Alaska to be with some girl he was 'friends' with before me."
- dont_be_trash
Alzheimer's Disease
"My ex's early-onset Alzheimers (at the age of 50) and the resulting violence, paranoia, and irrational thinking. I tried to honor my vows, but he was so far out there, I feared for my life."
- No_Transportation258
Different Definitions of Marriage
"She cheated on me after five years total together, the last one of which was while we were engaged. She cheated on me for months, all while I was planning the wedding, working part-time, and going to graduate school so I can support us comfortably in the future."
"I planned on giving her everything I could and sharing the rest of my life with her, and apparently she didn’t care."
- Mountaingoat1001
This conversation just goes to show that relationships can end for all kinds of reasons. Even in relationships where there is still a lot of love and committment, the relationship can still end, just like how the relationship can end suddenly because of a surprising and devastating realization.