Going to Vegas brings a certain level of discretion, thanks to a brilliant marketing campaign from the early 2000s telling us what happens in Vegas must remain in Vegas. Your trips' nastiest bits aren't for social media. Instead, they'll be relegated to your memories, tucked away into the deep folds of your mind. You know...until the next time you go, and do something awful again.
Reddit user, u/MommmyDearest, wanted people to open and share the worst of the worst when they asked:
For those who have been to Las Vegas —What's your "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" story?
All Part Of The Job
I warn that this isn't super exciting. I went to my sister's wedding in Vegas. I stayed in a hotel room with my dad.
He was asleep upstairs while I was downstairs playing blackjack. When I went upstairs, I was approached by two women offering to have a "good time"
I said no thanks, but they asked me why not. I just said "Oh I'm sharing a room"
They said "That's fine, we can do two people"
I said "Well, it's my dad"
They said "We're still fine with that"
Not What You Were Thinking
GiphyMan I have the lamest verision of this ever.
I had a job interview in Vegas, it was in Nov. or Dec. Two years back and I had put on some "winter weight." Didnt realize quiet how much. Dropped my portfolio with my resume and writing sample and sh-t walking to the interview.
Bent down to pick it up.
Tore my suit pants in the crotch, had to hold my portfolio awkwardly over my lap the whole interview. Didn't get the job.
Have never told that story, when everyone asked how it went I just said "fine" and then acted suprised when I didn't get the job.
So uh, I guess being so fat I tore my suit was a story that up until now stayed in Vegas.
Just...Close Your Eyes...
I've lived there for 18 years, but went away for college. I recently went back to Vegas for a school-sponsored event, meaning I got to experience it as a tourist. Saw a homeless person hooking up underneath a blanket, accidentally made eye contact. Worst half second of my life.
Untrue Love
Fell in love with a porn star, spent thursday through monday acting like a couple.
Felt different once we got to the real world.
Twofer
Its a tie for me
At the bar of a busy casino on the strip (the Flamingo) a very drunk (possibly on drugs) mountain survivalist from Idaho with a fu-manchu mustache pulled a gun on my wife and I because of how excited he was to show it off "in case he ran into trouble".
Saw a Go-go dancer fall off a table and horribly break her leg, she was (probably) on drugs and tried to get back up to dance more. It didn't work.
An Almost Tragic End
Spring break, 21 years old. Me and my best friend got blackout drunk and tried to get married in the hotel chapel cause it'd be funny. We texted our 4 other friends to come to the ceremony. 3 of them were also blackout drunk and asleep, but our 4th friend who didn't drink stopped us.
That's Why They Have No Smoking Rooms
I accidentally set the fire alarms off on the 16th floor of the flamingo cuz I rolled a 5 gram baby leg of bud I got from a dispensary and smoked it in our room. I was frantically trying everything to shut it off before security rolls through and makes me fan a pillow at it for 20 minutes and then left.
My arms hurt so bad after doing that but f-ck I was not trying to get smoke damage charges or some other bullsh-t. Dude pulled me down the hallway at the end and pointed to the stairwell and said "you're on the 16th floor dumbass no one is using the stairs smoke there."
Which I then did so dutifully.
No Dance Is Free
So my older brother got to start this tradition and I hope to carry it on when my son turns 21. All the guys in the family go to Vegas on 21st birthday. We live on the East Coast so it's not a quick car ride from CA.
My uncles, dad, grandpa, and brother were all there. Another memorable moment was seeing my dad walk to the ATM shaking his head. Apparently he thought that when the dancer wanted another dance he thought it was free? 11 years later he still hears jokes about ATMs. Christmas is fun. Grandpa is 87 and still going trucking along!
Lesson. Learned.
I bought edibles from a local dispensary. I quickly opened a rice crispy treat and ate the whole thing and prepared for a night of fun.
Well... During the ride on the roller coaster at New York New York, the edible kicked in full blast and left my head spinning. I ended up getting lost and walking 2 miles (I think) in the opposite direction of where I was staying.
I started to freak out, because I was high as a kite and was NOT enjoying myself anymore. I started to cry and have a panic attack until a guy dressed as Elmo helped me get back to my hotel.
Next morning, I woke up and read the packaging. It recommended breaking the rice crispy treat into multiple pieces, and NOT eating it whole. Lesson learned.
When The Truth Is Sadder Than Fiction
I suddenly got very bored hanging out with my friends at a club. I just wasn't feeling it. I abruptly stood up tossed my drink back and said "all right. I'm going to find something different to do."
I can be unpredictable and go harder than them usually. A couple of them were asking what I was doing and wondering if they should join me. I told them to enjoy the club. If sh-t got too crazy I'd text them.
Then I caught an Uber and went to Walmart for snacks, checked to see if they had any of the action figures I collect, and went back to my room and watched Netflix.
The next day they asked what I did and I didn't want to say "I looked for dolls and bought Doritos." And they took my slow response to mean I'd got up to something crazy. "Dammit I knew I should have went with you!"
They can never know.
Made up for it on Fremont the next night. We had crazy fun out there. Old Vegas is where it's at.A Tale For All Families
Oh boy. So about 6 months after I turned 21, my mom(43),brother (24) , grandma (oldish) and I flew down to Vegas. We of course got pretty drunk and made some friends in our hotel casino. Well. Apparently one of the guys had just came up from the Mexican border with some cocaine and other fun stuff.
I sh-t you not, this guy pulls out a f-cking ROCK from his damn sock and puts it on our hotel table. And that's what I remember of the story of how I did cocaine with my mom & brother in Vegas with some random drug pusher while grandma was asleep next door.
Seriously, Keep All Moms Out Of Vegas
Had some beers on Fremont street with my parents, aunt, uncle, and cousins. My mom was sober, but just to be funny she jumped on the fringe of this group of people dancing in a group (not a flash mob or anything, just some drunk people). She doesn't dance usually, mostly just pumping her hands up and down and jumping around (I love it, she's so funny to watch).
One guy turned around and started dancing with her, but he spanked her, and my mom took off like someone shot her in the ass, we all absolutely died laughing.
He Was Living His Best Life?
Walking down the boulevard and a guy jumps on a parked police car, whips his penis out, and starts pissing all over the windshield of the vehicle. Cops jump out of the car while trying to avoid piss and reach for their taser. The speed pisser finishes, jumps off the hood, and narrowly dodges the tase.
He then bolts across the street, but gets hit by a van on the opposite side of the road before he makes it all the way. I'm pretty certain his level of intoxication helped him survive being hit by that van.
Living The "What Happens Here" Lifestyle
I was an Elvis impersonator in one of those high class nudie shows.
I was skinny Elvis in the fat Elvis jumpsuit. And the guitar I used was a stage prop, weighed nothing and didn't make a noise anyone would consider music.
Something Left Behind...
I sharted myself badly in the middle of the Cosmopolitan Casino while trying to find a bathroom. I waddled the rest of the way to said bathroom and waited there for an hour until I was rescued by my brother who was all the way on the other side of the strip.
The underwear I was wearing at the time stayed in Vegas.
...And Something That Came Along
GiphyMet a drunk girl at a bar (I was also drunk). We start making out in the one narrow hallway in the bar, blocking people from both sides. I left her shortly after that to fly home.
I got her number and Turns out she lives a few towns over from me
5 years later and we got married last August.
EDIT: I thought I left "it" in Vegas. She just followed me home the day after I left and never let me go ;)
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What grossed you out so much in a relationship that you just left?
Not So Subtle Manipulation
"We were in one of many fights and I told him I needed space, so we hadn't talked in maybe a day."
"I get a text from a random number saying it was his sister and that he was in the hospital after a bad work accident."
"I ask which hospital (knowing that it is him texting me using a number app, lying about being injured - BUT you never know, maybe it's real)."
"'She' tells me the name of the hospital and then sends me a picture of JUST his legs which are bruised, but they looked like how his legs always looked."
"And then she says this is the last picture they took of him before he was life flighted to the hospital."
"She said he had severe head trauma, a cracked skull, and his back was likely broken in several places."
"So...I called the hospital and asked if they had any patients by his name - they said no."
"I asked if anyone was life flighted in in the last few hours - they said no."
"I blocked the number and went to sleep."
"A few days later I got a text from ANOTHER random number claiming to be his brother."
"He sends me a selfie of him in a hospital gown in an exam room at a doctor's office."
"He looked totally normal - no cracked skull or broken back."
"And it was cute because the room was ocean themed with crabs and fish on the walls."
"Anyway, the text said he was in the ICU (the crab room) and he had just woken up from a coma!"
"Again, I ask which hospital and the 'brother' refuses to tell me, saying he'll be RELEASED within the hour so there's no point in a visit."
"I know it makes me sound like a bad person for not believing him, but this man lied to me on several occasions, told me he'd been shot, stabbed, poisoned."
"So many red flags and my mentally ill self was naive and lonely at that time in my life."
"Granted, this was a breaking point for me and I dove head first into therapy and never looked back."- coffeee_bean
Talk About Unhygeinic!
"(Briefly) dated a girl who never cleaned her adult toys."
"It was something I missed the first few times we were together due to lighting but once I did it was all I could do to not retch."
"I played it off like the batteries had died in it."
"Afterwards I took a peek at the rest of her collection and they were all the same, coated in crustyness.
"As far as I could tell she wasn't an otherwise dirty person either."
"He place was well kept and clean and every time we were together it was clear she had either just taken a shower, or we would take one together as part of our pre-game."
"Then again, I have anosmia and can't smell most things, so maybe she stank to hell, and I just couldn't tell?"- TheShandyMan
grossed out seinfeld GIF by HULUGiphyDoes She Even Own A Broom?
"Dated a girl for a while, always seemed really well put together."
"Nice clothes, hair and makeup."
"We usually hooked up at my place."
'Went to her apartment once."
"The smell when she opened the door should’ve been enough."
"There were dirty diapers overflowing trash cans in every room of the house."
"There was a super small walkway through the mounds of dirty clothes to the bathroom."
"And to make it worse , there were used paper plates on top of the MOUNTAIN of dirty dishes in 'the sink'."
"She proudly pointed out a moldy dish and said that it was from when she cooked dinner for two of our mutual friends."
"3 months prior."
'Noped the hell outta there."- Jammin_neB13
Tragic
"When she doted on my kids as though they were hers/ours but treated HERS like they no longer existed or mattered."
"MASSIVE MASSIVE red flag."
"I was sooooo happy to get out of that relationship but years later I feel badly for her kids and pray everything turned out well for them."- Pittman247
Good Thing They Noticed!
"The swastika I found under her left t*t."- vensik
Definitely Not A Keeper
"My ex used to say, constantly, that she wanted to be inside my skin."
"It was her way of saying she desired me, but it was weird and off-putting so I asked her to stop and she couldn't understand what was so uncomfortable about what she was saying."
"Pretty soon after that I went on a week long work trip and three days into it she called and told me the whole time I've been gone she wanted to cheat on me."
"Then she asked me if she could see other people while I'm gone."
"I broke up with her pretty much instantaneously."- BashfulArtichoke
Not What They Did, But What They Were Thinking
"She was jealous of me spending time with my sister and implied our relationship ‘wasn’t normal’."
"I was so grossed out by the implication."
"Dumped her the next day."- Tygoodnight
One Hopes She Got The Help She Needed
"It was two separate incidents, but long story short, one night she got super drunk at my sister-in-law's house."
"After spilling a second glass of red wine on my SIL's white carpet, we opted to move her glass further away from the edge of the table."
"As soon as we left, she screamed, like full-fledged raged, at me for 'not defending her'."
"The very next time we were together, she got drunk again and accused me of trying to cheat on her (I've never cheated on anyone) and threw her purse at me."
"I let things calm down and explained to her that I grew up in a house chock full of domestic violence and that was an absolute line in the sand."
"And for that reason, I was out."- Zutes
When They Admit To Stalking, GET OUT!!!
"He showed me, with excitement, a box of things he'd been collecting from me without my knowledge."
"This included strands of my hair taped up neatly, bobby pins and hair pins I had in from prom, my finger prints and saliva sample that he took out of the trash from our forensics class experiments."
"He thought this was a romantic gesture or something, but it just made me really realize how creepy and obsessive he is."
"He was also very controlling and got jealous/mad at me for hanging out with my sister or spending time on my laptop or with my dog."
"And he also admitted to me that he stalked my FB interests to pretend he knew and liked what I liked, researching the games I played and music I listened to so he could bring it up in conversation."
"Total psycho."- puppycatpie
Rendering His Showers Unnecessary
"I showered at his place after staying over and I asked for a towel."
"He gave me one which had literal skin flakes on."
"I asked for a clean one."
"He asked what I meant."
"He did not realize that you need to wash towels because 'they just have water on them so they clean themselves'."- G1ngerbeer
towel talking GIF by South Park GiphyComplete And Total Lack Of Sympathy
"My mom died just weeks before and I was tired as f*ck, exhausted, and in a traumatic phase of grief after a year of cancer treatments and all the fuss of being there for a cancer battle."
"The woman I was seeing told me I need to get over it and can't just be alone inside all the time."
"Never spoke to her again."
"Went through my phases of grief and have been a resource to ppl in my life that are going through similar loss since then."
"Grief takes time or it doesn't; it's different for everyone."- Stevenerf
Trolls Aren't Just Found Under Bridges...
"Found out gf had several fake social media accounts she’d use to bully strangers and harass women she knew including my ex wife."
"Instant dump."- Zen4rest
Some people simply aren't meant for one another.
After reading some of these cases, however, one could honestly say that some people simply aren't meant for anyone.
Redditor GrouchyResolution974 wanted to know what the boys can't quite seem to grasp about the ladies, so they asked:
"Men of Reddit, what’s one thing you will never understand about women?"
Thankfully, I like boys, but's it's a fascinating topic. I'm listening.
Follicle Issues
Giphy"Based on the amount of hair I have seen in the bathroom, and that I somehow still keep finding in my clothes/bu**crack, how do you still have so much hair on your head?"
shartnado3
mark your territory?
"Are you planting hair ties and bobby pins everywhere to mark your territory?"
"This actually came up in a previous relationship when my girlfriend (at the time) found a 'foreign' bobby pin in one of the bathroom drawers, and freaked out about it until I casually explained that she is in fact not the first girlfriend I ever had and that I don't go through and scrub every square inch of my apartment after a breakup."
onamonapizza
Chaotic Sizes
"Why are women clothing sizes all over the place? One store a size 4 could be a 9 at a different store."
Zihark53
"We don't get it either, and we don't like it. The fashion industry refuses to standardize sizes, make bras for well endowed women at a reasonable price, or put useable pockets on our clothing. It's freaking MADDENING."
TattooedWenchkin
"This is a topic most of us rant about at LEAST twice a month, if not every time we go clothes shopping. My best friend says women’s sizing depends on your horoscope and your immediate proximity to a chicken."
queenlesbian99
Why so Small?
"Why are their pockets so small? Who started this?"
GBgabe13
"Pockets went away because 20th century fashion silhouettes were too slim for pockets, cost of installing pockets makes manufacturers not include them in designs, and women’s clothing is made of weaker fabrics that aren’t suitable for pockets. The purse industry thing is a myth. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=W2zSSE9pgC8"
butter_milk
Chatter
Mean Girls Gossip GIF by Paramount MoviesGiphy"Starting a conversation, then continuing the conversation after walking into another room where you can't be heard."
therealfrankpenny
Women have super sonic hearing, it's a gift.
Bruh!
Jersey Shore Dancing GIF by Jersey Shore Family VacationGiphy"I'm going to McDonalds, want anything? No. *Proceeds to eat all of my fries, bruh."
california-whiskey
"'I'll just have some of yours.'"
"No I want all of mine, that's the point. I'll just get 2 and finish yours."
Idontdanceforfun
0 to 100!!
"How a woman can instantly tap into the rage (with 0 energy loss) they experienced from an argument we had 2 years ago, and I don't even remember it happening."
whatchlookinat
"It's because of the implications of the past rage. I think women tend to connect behaviors into a pattern more, rightly or wrongly. So X things is seen as a warning sign for something negative."
"Something happen twice is a pattern of behavior that indicates negative thing. I think men tend to view each incident as an isolated event. I don't think either one is right or wrong. I think you need both kinds of thinkers in a social group. A lot of women just tend to lean one way and a lot of men the other."
jittery_raccoon
Location?
"Where do you want to eat?!"
WhenAllElseFail
"As a girl, I absolutely hate having to choose. I will never turn down a place when my husband picks. If I actually want something I will tell him. It should be simple. I get stuck making dinner at home most days and make those decisions- don't make me also figure out food out of the house too."
nickygirl19
"Frankly this is a fair take that I’ve never considered."
flaming_carrot12
Hats off y’all...
"Why the f**k you would ever want to be pregnant. I watched my wife push out two kids with no drugs, and y’all have my undying respect. No freaking way I’d do that dude. Courage is defined as a woman who intentionally get pregnant, knowing what that actually entails and all the terrifying risks associated with it. Hats off y’all."
ToastFromTexas
Bad Company
"Toxic Positivity. Why are you always hang around people you don't like and pretend to be nice to them."
Way_2_Go_Donny
"It’s not necessarily a good habit for sure, but women's networks rely upon collaboration so if you burn bridges, women can do a lot of damage to you socially with a bit of well placed gossip. Sadly. Women’s weapons are psychological devices, vs mens which may be more overtly aggressive."
Dry_Representative_9
Googley Eyes
Want You Love GIF by NICOLE DADDONAGiphy"How they can look at men and find them attractive. I’m an overweight turd and somehow I’ve managed to find one that finds me attractive."
mrtouchybum
We thank these ladies for answering these questions so candidly, in hopes of catching some of the men up to speed.
Do you have any burning questions or things you'd like to answer? Let us know in the comments.