Too much Mr. Worldwide! 

Went to a couple's wedding who were both on their second wedding. The dude was rich so everything was pretty nice. Except they decided a DJ wasn't needed. She made a playlist from Youtube and had that playing.

The levels on all the songs were different, we had to wait for crappy wifi to play load the songs, and someone had to keep changing the playlist when it finished. But that wasn't the worst part.

More than half the songs were Pitbull. He was on every playlist, sometimes in a row, and songs were repeated.

I should add in that they definitely had the money for it, as they had a guy playing guitar the whole time. No singing. Just acoustic guitar while pictures were being taken. notdazzer

Just the 3 of Us... 

I'm not sure if this was the best or the worst wedding I've attended. It was my cousin's, who had a Christian wedding. The person officiating the wedding went on a long speech about how Jesus is also part of their marriage and proceeded to use the term "three-way" at least a dozen times. "It's not just the two of you, it's a three way. A three way in the bedroom, a three way in the kitchen, a three way in the basement, a three way in the backyard..." Poor guy couldn't figure out why half the audience was dying of laughter. I would have thought he was trolling us, but this was in a very small, very conservative town and the guy was a hundred years old. Keepsmakingaccounts

Wal-Mart caters?

Oh man this one is easy. It was on a beach on a day where the wind decided it wanted to make a point that it was boss. Wind coming off the ocean tends to cut through clothing really easily and this was an outside wedding at night.

Ceremony starts, the microphone they are using is straight static and no one can hear a thing the groom say and its just loud ear piercing static. Once the finish and they are about to walk down the aisle to take pictures, the grooms brother run up there and grabs the mic and says wait everyone I have something to say. Gives a 30 minute sermon about God's will (neither of these people getting married are religious). They go and take pictures, it takes two and a half hours. It starts to become night time and everyone is in dress clothes waiting for the pictures to finish up. Still no food and everyone is starving and freezing to death.

Then finally it was food time. Apparently the catering company drove all the food pre-made from hours away. It consisted of white rice, salad, mashed potatoes and the driest unsalted chicken you would get from El Pollo Loco. At least we would get cake. I was wrong. They brought out little cheese cake bites that were cut in to little squares. I ate one and knew the gig was up. It was the tell tale sign of Sara Lee cheese cake. These caterers seriously charged these people to cater their wedding and went and got 8 dollar cheese cakes from the store and tried to pass it off. It was kind of crazy and I left I was too cold to be out there during that. SomethingaboutAvs

Who needs a wedding!

This is odd, but I am going to say mine.

This was because of my wife's family. We wanted to keep the wedding very small. We were very young and some thought we were too young to get married, so this was the reasoning for keeping it small. I had my parents, brother and 4 friends. My wife invited her parents, brother and grandmother. Her grandmother took it upon herself to invite the entire side of my wife's family. We had over 100 unexpected guests that acted as if they were insulted that they had to be there.

The good news is, my wife kicks a**, going on 15 years. all_bad_names_taken

I'm HANGRY!! 

The bride and groom totally skimped on the food. It was a long day from church (1pm) to dancing (9pm) and we were starving and miles away from the nearest town.

After a long mass, we were able to get half a scone with jam and cream, then wait for dinner at 5pm. The plated three course meal had no options and the portions were tiny and the food was not filling. My "fruit salad and ice cream" desert looked like carrot shavings.

There wasn't any evening snacks for the people who stayed to dance, and they didn't even cut the cake. We were starving and that's just not a feeling you can ignore at an event no matter how pretty the Pinterest. mary_ligon457

Do the ticks sit on the bride's side or the groom's? 

Ugh. I had friends get married in a "forest." It was a stretch of meager woods between two cornfields. Mosquitoes galore. We had to sit on logs that were covered in damp moss, the mud was ankle deep in places, and the ceremony was inaudible due to a tractor plowing the field. They served food out a "charming old cottage" that was actually a rotting former chicken coop that the groom literally dragged in from elsewhere. The entire event was a nightmare. SuzQP

Sing out Louise! 

My brother's wasn't bad, but it was kind of annoying. It was held in a place where no microphones were allowed (due to the presence of tropical birds who would be upset by them) and the registrar who was doing the service had no concept of vocal projection, so we were just sitting there desperately trying to make out what she was saying so we could follow. I look grumpy in every photo due to straining myself to hear, and I was in the second row! We were essentially just watching a woman's lips flapping while my sister-in-law was wearing a nice dress. MrLuxarina

I'm not bringing a gift then! 

They did a potluck wedding, but no one brought any food. Everyone left after the first dance. janie_brown854

I feel like that's the thing you really want to establish in advance. Like ok you bring a side dish and you bring a entree. Etc. future_nurse19

Exactly, I went to a potluck wedding this past weekend and I told the bride what I was going to make probably two months in advance. epicamytime

Stop speaking! 

You want to kill a wedding? Put speeches an hour after dinner and have that happen for three hours. I think speeches started around 8 pm, by the time the video tributes and the people talking about how great everyone is ended, it was 11 o' clock and everyone was just done. Not a lot of time to dance and socialize left over when the venue was closing at midnight. I was feeling sick so I should have left sooner. fuzzay

I'd rather be alone than unhappy!  Sing it Whitney!

My "best"friend's wedding. She should never have married her husband. She is only with him because she doesn't think she can do better and no one else had really expressed interest. It was painful to watch her just lock herself into this darkness/nihilation of self. I could see she even knew that's what was happening, somewhere deep inside. So many things happened which made it clear what was happening and even why. To bullet the despair:

• She spent the evening before with my husband and I talking about any guy she had ever had an interest in or flirtation with. It was like she was mourning all of her lost chances. No excitement, no mention of her husband to be. We jokingly (but not that jokingly) offered to just take her home with us, 6 hours away
• She had no plans for getting ready the next day. Asked me at 10 PM to do her hair and makeup and arranged for the photographer to come to my hotel to document this. We also drove her to the wedding.
• Neither I nor my husband (her second best friend) were invited to be in her wedding party. It was strange, and so many people the next day would say "Oh, you're her best friend! She talks about you all the time!" and look confused. Her matron of honor and bridesmaid were her husband's best man's family. They did not contribute to helping her get ready. It was like she didn't want us, the people who care about her, involved in this.
• Her parents had not been in touch for days and came 15 minutes late to the ceremony, never calling her beforehand. She had clearly learned her lack of value at home...
• His vows were mostly jokes for the audience. Loving her was never mentioned.
• Despite her asking him not to, he violently smushed the cake in her face. I helped her clean up. It was deeply up her nostrils, in her hair, in her eyes. Bridemaids tried to take pictures while laughing until I menacingly threw them out of the bathroom. It took me a while to make her vaugely presentable again. I offered again to just take her with me, far less jokingly. This time she was quiet and a little teary but did not respond.
• Best man's speech was about her husband mostly, with a story about how clumsy she is. I had to walk outside. My husband had to calm me down as I cried and yelled about it all, before people heard me.

In the end, this was her choice. She spent the following ten years- so far- feeding the worst, saddest parts of herself. She's become completely self-involved (I guess she needs to because no one else in her life is taking care of her). We haven't actually spoken in about 3 years, though she emails with my husband (again, about herself only). She still calls me her BFF on facebook and refers to my daughter as her niece, though my daughter doesn't know her at all. Thank God they never had children. I know they haven't had sex in at least 4 years.

It was a wedding, but it felt like watching someone commit suicide. 2beagles

Talk about a cursed Love....

My sweet cousin got married this past spring. The ceremony was all about Jesus this and covenant that. There was a big thing about submission. I had to practically hold my sister back from charging the pastor. My cousin is deeply religious so I let it go.

What makes it bad is the pastor shot himself in front of my aunt (cousin's mom) and his wife. It's been a mess for the entire family.

Everyone is now in therapy. PaintedLady5519

So Not Hot!

I haven't been to a lot of weddings, but my sister's was so boring. She had a destination ceremony, so the bad part was just the reception. There was just nothing to do. Everyone sat around chatting and eating for like 3 hours, they did a "first dance" and stuff, but didn't really announce anything so no one watched. They took pictures with someone's cell phone. It was supposed to be one of those shabby chic barn weddings, but it was actually in a welding shop (?) it was so hot. And did I mention boring? But when everyone started to leave after literally doing nothing for 3+ hours my sister got mad. And it wasn't like other weddings where they were gone for 2 hours taking pictures (Which I also hate) like they were there... idk she was planning it for so long and stressing about it a lot and it just was boring, and she was a huge jerk through the whole ordeal. Bridezilla doesn't even begin to cover it. BlNGPOT

Not so Happy New Year! 

Went to a friend of a friend's wedding as a stand-in date. Her genius idea was to get married at night in a field on her farm. Everyone sat on hay bales.

This was at night. On New Years Eve. In Northern Connecticut.

I think my butt froze to the hay bale and the catering tent wasn't much warmer. Saturn_5_speed

Can you Feel it? Hot-Hot-Hot!!

Oh my god, my own. My husband and I were eloping and found a man to officiate our whole deal and going into it, seemed like a great idea! The man was really nice on the phone, told us to come on by this little chapel he worked at. Seemed legit enough. It was just me, my now husband, my older sister, her husband, and my younger sister. We opted out of family being there for conflict reasons. The man who officiated it gave us beer while he sat us down to tell us that I needed to read Ephesians 4:22 (I think that's it) frequently to remember to submit to my husband, who couldn't stop laughing at this sentiment. Then he started smoking? Inside? While explaining to us that he can legally divorce us for $850 if I (not my husband!) change my mind and proceeded to tell us a story about some woman he married to a man who was abusive. While he was reading us our stuff and doing the actual ceremony, the building began getting very hot. Like. Sweat dripping down your face hot. And he was smoking? Now I'm a smoker so it's like, whatever, I guess? But while your officiating a wedding? In a building that's pushing 90 degrees? While drinking a Miller Lite? My older sisters husband kept going to the bathroom every ten minutes to snort cocaine. They are no longer married. It was honestly the best day of my life. Got some amazing pictures that would fit right in over at r/trashy. What a shit show. daddicavi

Fourth time will be the charm....

Two come to mind...

A former boss held his wedding at the family cottage on a lake. The "theme" of the wedding appeared to be "get the lake house ready for the wedding." Centerpieces were candid photos of the whole family cleaning trees, planting flowers. ALL speeches were nothing but praise for the family coming together to create such a nice wedding site. It was like the wedding itself wasn't important, just the fact that they got ready for it.

And my dad's second (out of three, not like it matters) wedding reception was terrible. The DJ refused to play actual songs, instead choosing to provide the vocals himself, like his own personal karaoke party. Weirdest part was that he sat down the whole time so it's not like he was putting any effort into it. sarahjunior

Tick-Tock! 

The wedding party was late for EVERYTHING. They were an hour late to the ceremony, they were two hours late for dinner, then they decided to do speeches before the meal so there went another hour. Then they played a stupid game where they played a song and if your table guessed the song you could go get in line for the buffet. My table went last because none of us had very much knowledge of country music and by that time it was another hour gone by.

We ate cold roast beef and the scrapings of a Caesar salad at 9:30 at night. It was also in a small town where nothing was open past 6 and it was over an hour to the next nearest town. epicamytime

Dry? Run for your LIFE!!

First, the very long Catholic ceremony's sermon had the premise of "get her pregnant as soon as possible."

Second, it turned out to be a dry wedding.

Third, the only food was an appetizer buffet.

Fourth, I was the guest of an ex-boyfriend, so I knew literally 3 people there, all of whom were in the wedding party, so it was difficult to spend time with them.

I left very sober, hungry, confused and bewildered. 0/10 Terrible time. mollymarie0801

Cheers to.... umm?

It was pretty obvious that none of the non-family guests liked the bride. The BM toast was all about their friendship and how he got himself a hot wife that will hopefully let them hang out together, bride side of ceremony empty besides relatives, no one went to do bouquet toss, MOH was really a good friend of the groom who toasted for him to be happy and said nothing about the bride except she was pretty.

Food was pretty inedible. Venue was not accessible, and some guests were handicapped. And also everyone left after dessert. The wedding ended very early. erin_gerber417

Not the "absolute" worst! 

Definitely not as horrible as some of these, but my fiancè and some friends of his went to their old bosses wedding. The food was mediocre (extremely small portions, like shitty sliders and pizza pockets) and we never ate because we had figured it was just the appetizers and that the food would be out shortly after, so the entire time we were STARVING. Also my best friend's ex boyfriend was seated next to us sulking and sighing the entire time (they had just broken up that week) and being extra weepy when the slow dance songs came on. Fiancè and i congratulated the couple and left ASAP and went to burger king. Chicken fries were 10/10. deadpuppybombbox

The Rapture isn't coming soon enough....

The best man talked about how the groom broke up with the bride to focus on his relationship with God. The father of the bride spoke about how the rapture was coming. The father of the groom was the priest, and the whole thing was cringeworthy. Malvania

Oh God. Just shoot me. I used to work with a woman who was convinced the rapture was coming. She was exhausting. She also had a collection of lingerie that would make a whore blush. brutalethyl

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