The Doors wrote a song devoted to strange people for a reason, folks. It's not just that people are weird though - we've all got that in us. It's when that weird jumps out at you like the proverbial stripper-from-a-cake-at-a-bachelor-party that things start to get sketchy. You know what I mean, a weird PERSON, no big deal. It's weird INTERACTIONS that really mess with us. We generally don't like it when life forgets to keep the weird over there and lets it work its way to our inner circle. Example: my weird neighbor was fine being weird in their own yard - but when they started shooting BB guns into my yard (trying to snipe iguanas) and walking around picking up dog poop with their bare hands and putting it in their pockets ... welp... now we've hit a whole new level that I wasn't ready for.
One Reddit user asked:
What is the strangest human interaction you've ever had?
And yeah, the stories get way worse than your neighbor walking around bare-hand pocketing all the dog poop they find on the block. Here are some of the cringiest - edited for language or clarity when needed. Brace yourselves, we're goin' in!
The Cab Fairy
I was out with coworkers in the crowded downtown area and we all got pretty smashed. Trying to leave at 2am, I was put in charge of getting my buddy home as he was too drunk to function and we lived only a block away from each other. I was trying desperately to get a cab but it was a busy Saturday night and I was having no luck at all. Then out if nowhere, a man with a full beard and a man-bun appeared and he was wearing a gauzy pink dress with yellow flowers. He said I looked like I needed some help and proceeded to call his best friend who was a cab driver and we had a cab there to pick us up in 5 minutes. I thanked the man in the dress, and upon reaching our destination I also learned that the man in the pink dress had paid for our fare as well. He was like a magical cab fairy. One of the strangest, nicest humans I have ever met.
"Hey Check This Out!"Giphy
When I was about 8 years old my mum brought me to her friends house so I would play with her friends 8 year old son while they had a chat. He walked me outside and said "hey check this out" He pulled down his pants and took a massive dump onto the floor right in front of me and then his dog ate it and threw up. I'll never forget that moment..
I had tons of strange encounters when I lived in Hawaii but this was one of the weirdest. I was walking home late one night and saw a guy carrying a huge bag of mangoes coming the other direction. As we're passing he stops me and asks, "hey you want some of these mangoes?"
I'm not in the habit of taking mangoes from strange men in the night so I politely refuse. He becomes enraged and starts screaming at me, "What do you mean you don't want any mangoes? You're a f*cking haole." (Haole is local slang for white person)
"I just don't really need any mangoes right now," I tell him.
That seemed to calm him down a bit and then he asks me "so what do you think is gonna happen in Iraq?" (this incident happened around 2004)
I told him I had no idea and then he really loses it. He is screaming at me "What the f*ck do you mean you don't know? You're a f*cking haole. You're supposed to know this sh!t."
I have never actually been in a situation where I thought I was going to have to violently defend myself from an attacker but this guy was becoming so enraged that I was backing away and trying to figure out what the best way to take him down would be but then he calms down almost instantly and says, "I don't know man, it's a crazy world out there, cuz, you know we go from generation to generation to generation to generation to generation to generation to generation..." he continued on like that for about a minute, "...to generation to generation...and then there's you! So study hard man, stay in school and you're gonna do great, and I'm sorry man."
And then he just walked away.
... But Do You Still Have The Shoe?
I was at a train station, an adult mental handicapped guy came and sat next to me, he was wearing a white leather child's restraint with a leash and he offered the leash to me, for some stupid reason I took it. I tried to give it back, he started freaking out, so I just sat there and held this guys leash until my train came. he then offered me a single shoe from a bag of single shoes he had, I tried to refuse it, but he started freaking out again, so I accepted the battered pink high heel and got on to my train.
I was about 13/14 years old, on a trip to Las Vegas with my grandma. I had this crazy cold and felt real sh!tty and crabby after our flight in. Being sick I didn't have much of an appetite so I just wanted to grab something small to eat before we went out for the day. The hotel we stayed in had this little snack kiosk next to the elevators on the main floor. Nothing special, they just sold small stuff like parfaits, bagels and drinks.
My grandma was still getting dressed so I went down by myself, and asked her if she needed anything. Line was extra long, and the wait was even longer but I was already invested I couldn't leave just yet. I get up to the front and I already know what I want, I've even rehearsed it a million times.
The lady asked what I would like and I responded "I'll have a Mango Snapple, a fruit cup, and an iced tea." She goes, "YOU WANT MANGO SNAPPLE?!" In that way that Scooby-Doo says, "SCOOBYDOOBYDOOO!" She didn't have an accent. I could hear her when she helped her other customers and she spoke just fine. I thought maybe she just had some sort of malfunction. Like the wiring in her brain just shorted out.
I didn't say a single word, I didn't know wtf to say. She sets only the Snapple on the counter and tells me my total.
I politely corrected her that I also needed the fruit cup and the iced tea. She puts the Snapple back and sets out my fruit cup and my iced tea.
So I said, "AND the mango Snapple."
She gives me this real weird and irritated look and started putting my fruit and tea back and she said it again, but calmly "you want mango Snapple?"
"Yes. And the fruit cup and the iced tea." I looked at the people around me to see if they were having the same reaction as me.They just looked frustrated at me like this was my fault! I could see the line building up so I started to get anxious.
She starts putting the Snapple back again, reaching for the fruit and the tea. I let her grab the two and decided to try one more time. So I added the mango Snapple back on the list.
She said it again. "YOU WANT MANGO SNAPPLLLLEE?!"
I fucking lost it. "YES. AND THE FRUIT CUP AND THE ICED TEA!"
She started to reach for them again. I freaked out. I started to tell her step by step to set my fruit down and my tea down. Not to touch it! To leave it there! That's what I wanted! And I told her to ALSO grab the Snapple so I can pay for ALL THREE of my items.
She didn't say a single word the rest of the transaction.
When I got back to the room my grandma asked why it took so long to get her a damn tea.
The Cheese Hum
I was taking the elevator down when a mid-50's man in a business suit stepped on to ride. He was going down to the lobby as well, it was just the two of us. He faced the back of the elevator which immediately alerted me, and after we passed two floors, he began humming one low tone and started digging through his pockets.
Fight or flight kicked in and I began weighing my options. He pulled his fists out of his pockets and I thought he was going to throw a swing - but nope. His fists were filled with shredded cheese. He had at least a full bag's worth. This man was sprinkling the cheese all over the floor of the elevator while letting out this soul-crushingly low monotone humming. Out of primal fear, I pushed my body against the doors and pushed every floor before the lobby to exit. It felt like a ten minute ride to the next floor. I barely heard the ding over his cheese hums, but I booked it out of there and did not look back. Finally took the stairs after sitting and breathing for a while.
Told security at the front desk and someone was already sweeping the cheese. I need answers, still, 10 years later.
Corn Dogs Up In HereGiphy
I was walking into a Walmart and a woman was comforting her crying child by saying, "Hush child! There be corn dogs up in here!"
🎵 Hush little baby, don't shed a tear
There be corndogs up in here 🎵
"What Do You Think Of My Gun?"
Uber driver. I picked a guy up downtown, midday. He was early 20's, red head, tatted out. Extremely nervous, jittery to the point I wasn't sure if he had a condition or was on drugs. He sat in the front. We're driving and he's all over the place, telling me wild stories about how he makes all his money climbing dangerous construction sites around the world and posting videos to youtube. I believed him! Anyways, we are on the highway heading to a nearby town, and he reaches in his backpack, takes out a towel, unwraps and it is suddenly holding a luger pistol. I freeze up and feel cold and hot at the same time. He looks at me with a smile and says "what do you think of my gun?"
I can't tell whether he is being serious or if I am being held up or what, but I try to smile and say "WOW man, that gun is so cool, what is it? I love it, but while we are on the highway, can you put it away?"
I could see the realization cross his face that he had been foolish, and he puts it away sheepishly, explaining it is his grandfather's and we are on our way to a shooting range. The crazy part of the story is that we then get to the shooting range and it is surrounded by cops and crime tape because there has been a SHOOTING AT THE SHOOTING RANGE. So we turn around and drive back to his hotel. He gave me a cool $20 for a tip. Scary though.
My boyfriend and I were taking the bus home after going downtown for a date. We sat in the back, where my favourite little corner spot is. This particular evening, however, I noticed a man sitting in my preferred spot. Normally this isn't a big deal in the slightest, since you can't really claim a seat on public transit.
This guy had on a helmet made of cabbage.
I had to double take at him a couple of times. Nothing else was particularly off about him, he just had an obviously homemade helmet of cabbage. I knew it was cabbage the moment I saw him, but I couldn't muster up the courage to say something until we got off the bus. As we were leaving, I ran after him just to tell him that I liked his cabbage hat and that it was the coolest thing I've seen all day. He said "No one has pointed it out yet!" and we had a little conversation.
I work at Starbucks and one time this older man ordered a coffee and a butter croissant so I said "would you like your croissant warmed?" And this man yelled back at me "NO! What do I look like? A LIBERAL?" I had never been yelled at before so I just kind of walked away because I was really confused
My condolences to all the true conservatives out there who have never been able to enjoy warm croissants. You all are the only thing keeping the republican dream alive.