People Reveal The Times They Just Couldn't Hold In Their Inappropriate Laughter[rebelmouse-image 18355447 is_animated_gif=
I once caught an insane giggle fit during an incredibly emotional eulogy. I wasn't laughing at the death, obviously. There was a service dog near me that let out the most atrocious, silent dog fart I have ever had the misfortune of smelling. Watching everyone dressed in their fancies trying not to do the "who let that one rip" look around was hilarious.
Thankfully my giggles were predominantly misinterpreted as sobbing and I was graciously allowed to excuse myself to the ladies room to regain my composure. Only my bestie knew the truth, evidenced by the text I got while I was in the bathroom: "You're going to hell. Save me a seat." #FriendGoals
One Reddit user asked: When was a time when you had to hold in laughter, and failed?
Clearly, this was the thread for me. Buckle up, babies, it's about to get MAD INAPPROPRIATE in here.
Laugh Therapy[rebelmouse-image 18355449 is_animated_gif=
Was having a rough time with my partner and someone recommended a marriage counselor. At the end of session the lady made us hold hands, look into each other's eyes, and then she started to sing a song, really loudly, in a horrible, cackly voice, "you are special, you are special, you are special to me." Needless to say, we were both struggling not to laugh until a small, high pitched "mmmmmmm" escaped through my husband's lips and we both lost it. The therapist lady was not pleased. Making us laugh was not the intention. She was pissed and stopped singing and just glared at us, which made it worse
This happened over ten years ago. We never went back to therapy ever again with anyone after that happened, but we are happily married and sing the special song to each other all the time, especially if the other person is acting particularly special at the moment.
Funeral Basket[rebelmouse-image 18355450 is_animated_gif=
I was at a funeral for a family friend who I didn't know very well. This was a natural woodland funeral. The deceased was brought into the gathering in a coffin made of wicker. I overheard my young cousins talking to each other. One asked: "Why is she in a basket?"
Shrill Church Lady Voice[rebelmouse-image 18355451 is_animated_gif=
I was in church a few years ago. It was a very serious, stuffy church - most of the congregation was in their 70s/80s. This was also the kind of church that world all you not to come back if you caused any story of trouble. My friends and I were sitting in the back pew. It was time for a hymn ("Hallelujah, Praise Jehovah"). We sang, things were going okay. Then we got to the first refrain.
To this day, we have no clue where this came from. The acoustics in room made it sound like she was everywhere, but this shrill church lady voice rose above all other voices in the sanctuary. "Hallelujah, PRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAISE JEHOOOOOVAH"
Guy friend on the end of the pew started giggling. The girl next to me was struggling, but she held fast. I was fine, but braced myself for the next repeat. Guy friend was too far gone the second time it happened and resorted to burying his face into the girl friend's shoulder. He was laughing so hard, she was shaking. She slowly raised the hymnal in front of her face and started laughing. The pastors kids who were sitting in front of us noticed and started laughing too. At this point, I lost it, doubled over in the hymnal.
So there we were. Three college kids and five children practically rolling in the back two pews. We're getting angry stares from a few of the older people in the church - and we still had two refrains to go.
Finally the song ended. Guy friend had tears running down his face and he looked at us, excused himself, and left the sanctuary for the next ten minutes. When he got back, we couldn't look at each other without setting off the chain again. The poor pastor's kids had to write lines for the rest of the service.
I couldn't go back to that church for a while. When I did finally go back a few years later, guess what hymn they sang?
Haven't been back to that church since.
Choo-Choo[rebelmouse-image 18355452 is_animated_gif=
A guy once tried to order Focaccia by asking for "F*** a Choo-Choo."
I had to give someone else the drivethru headset cuz I could not contain myself.
Almost Died In A Fire? Hilarious![rebelmouse-image 18355453 is_animated_gif=
Coworker had a fire that destroyed her house, killed her pets, and almost killed her because her and her husband had one of those deadbolt locks with a lock on both sides instead of a knob inside and they couldn't find the key to get out. So they both had to jump from second floor windows to escape the fire.
So she's explaining all this horrible stuff to me, and then bursts into tears explaining that now they also couldn't have children, because when her husband fell from the second story when he landed, he "squished his nuts!"
I started laughing as she was crying, couldn't help myself.
I'm a horrible person.
Near Death Experience[rebelmouse-image 18355454 is_animated_gif=
When I was eight I was in church, and during his sermon the priest farted. I know it's not a great story, and it's probably childish. But to an eight-year-old it was the funniest thing that ever happened to anyone in the entire history of the world.
My mother almost smothered me to death to stifle my laughter.
The "Ah" Sound[rebelmouse-image 18355455 is_animated_gif=
Silent reading class in grade 10. The guy next to me sneezed so hard that it caused him to fart. Apparently no one else heard it. I couldn't hold in the laughter. The teacher asked me to leave the class and the second I left that classroom I just bursted out laughing.
What made it funny was that after he farted he made an "ah" Sound. Not in a relieving way, he was more surprised that it happened. It all happened so fast that it took me a second to process what happened. Once i did i could not keep it together.
Nude Model[rebelmouse-image 18355456 is_animated_gif=
I took a figure drawing class in college and the male nude model would fall asleep and fart every time. It was always just me and one other person stifling our laughter. HOW DID NOBODY ELSE LAUGH!??
Workplace Injuries Are Funny?[rebelmouse-image 18347845 is_animated_gif=
Middle of a meeting with very high level management, way above my pay grade to even breathe the same air as these people, but I had "field-level knowledge and experience that could prove invaluable to the discussion".
Anyway, I'm sitting there in my grease stained, muddy coveralls (I was not given notice beforehand to clean up), in a room full of men in suits and I look around.
I acknowledge that I am the only grunt in the room. I also acknowledge that I am younger than everyone else in the room by at least 15 years. And finally, I acknowledge that of the 40 or so people in the room, I am the only female.
And my head immediately went to "This looks like the start of a weird porno" and I burst out laughing... as the VP of the company was in the middle of talking about injury in the workforce.
Chewbacca Ballet[rebelmouse-image 18355457 is_animated_gif=
Went to see Beauty and The Beast as a ballet. Was going good, enjoying the dancers, when out dances the beast.... a tiny, very stocky guy in full leotard and a furry mask that looked like Chewbacca. I think I could have handled that, if it wasn't for the massive endowment he had somehow stuffed in those leotards.
I tried looking at the floor, but this was troubling to my date... so I pointed my face at the stage and closed my eyes. Unfortunately the first thing that pops into my minds eye is the round face of my redneck buddy, laughing uncontrollably. I started making odd little grunting sounds as my abdomen convulsed. I got up and pantomimed that I really had to pee, and fled. I got 4 seats down, and it just came out... full volume maniacal laughter. I stumbled into the aisle, fell to my knees, and had to practically drag myself out of there by the handrail in the hall way.
There was not a second date.
Boss's Boss Laughed, Too[rebelmouse-image 18355458 is_animated_gif=
In a meeting with higher-ups in my organization. An enthusiastic lady goes up to present, she's JAZZED to be telling us of the work she's doing. In the middle she starts using acronyms in our organization: FOCN and SOCN. With her accent, she kept repeating "f***ing and sucking" at least 3 times. I'm giggling so hard a tear dripped from my eye. Finally after the last time, my boss's boss loses it, feigns a coughing fit and leaves the room. Luckily that was a distraction enough to where I could release the laughter. Boss's boss returns about 5 minutes later, red faced, and couldn't look at the lady without giggling.
Big Fat Poop[rebelmouse-image 18355459 is_animated_gif=
Yesterday when my three year old dropped his pants, popped a squat, and pooped right in the middle of a well populated playground. I know I was supposed to be mad about it but he was so proud of himself. "Check out my big fat poop." I lost it.
Feeding Me Mints[rebelmouse-image 18355460 is_animated_gif=
When I was 18 my great grandmother passed away. I didn't know her or that side of my family very well. I sat through the service quietly and respectfully, though. However, the moment after everyone came to pray over the casket, the gentleman leading the funeral said, "And that concludes today's service." Everyone began crying very loudly in complete unison.
I'm not sure why I found it funny, but I did. I kept turning away from everyone to giggle silently to myself. My father pulled me away from the casket and began giving me these mints. I laughed every time I'd finished one and he would hand me another. I finally asked, "Why do you keep feeding me mints?!" He responded, "To keep you from laughing."
This did not help the situation, because I started laughing louder and in turn made him laugh (I obviously got my sense of humor from him). My crying mother started yelling at us, which got us kicked out of the funeral. As soon as my dad and I got into the car, we started laughing uncontrollably. This event has become a big story between my friends and family, and I'm known as that ahole who laughs during funerals. I've not attended one since.
You Smell Like Poo[rebelmouse-image 18355461 is_animated_gif=
I went to church with my brother. He is fairly religious, but he hadn't gone for a long time. We're sitting there and he writes me a note saying something like: "I know that this isn't your thing, but I'm thankful that you came with me. I feel like I needed to get back to coming here."
I proceeded to write him back...
I wrote: "you smell like poo."
I nodded solemnly and passed the note back to him. He read it and gave me a disapproving look... then cracked a smile. I couldn't hold it. I left the building laughing out loud. I had to wait in the car for an hour.
High School Chaos[rebelmouse-image 18355462 is_animated_gif=
My french teacher in high school was kind of a nightmare. One time she moved a kid away from a desk by his friend and to a desk right by her for a trivial reason. He got frustrated (she tended to pick on him a lot) and he yelled"Oh, come ON." And her brilliant come back was:
"Don't 'come on' me!!"
Cat Memes And Sick Babies[rebelmouse-image 18355463 is_animated_gif=
I was like 17 at a prayer meeting at mu church for a baby who had just been born with a heart defect. I remembered a cat meme I'd seen earlier that day and couldn't hold back the laughter.
Diabeetus[rebelmouse-image 18355464 is_animated_gif=
My grandparents were talking about diabetes and pop pop kept saying diabeetus. He doesn't have an accent but when he said diabetes, it's like he's from the deep South. It was a depressing conversation but I couldn't stop from laughing. I felt so horrible especially after he succumbed to it a few years later
Considering Dropping The Class[rebelmouse-image 18355465 is_animated_gif=
My roommate in college had a bad situation with this. He was sitting in class and he was half paying attention. A kid in his class was doing a presentation and during it he said "And my sister is like, retarded".
Half paying attention, my roommate thought he was making a joke about his sister and calling her stupid. He laughed real hard out loud and was the only one to do it. The kid was telling the class about his mentally handicapped sister and I guess he didn't really know how to word it to the class.
The teacher gave a death stare toward my roommate and he shut his mouth.... but he couldn't stop laughing. He was uncontrollably letting out those sort of spit laughs that are forced through closed lips.
The kid stopped his presentation and forcibly asked my roommate to stop laughing. He was so embarrassed when he came back to the room that he was debating dropping the class and he had like a 4.0 3/4 of the way through.
Not all television and movies are loved by all.
A story and its characters have to appeal to you in order for you to be engaged.
It can take next to nothing for us to lose interest and let the screen go black.
Redditor BarooTangClan wanted to compare notes on all the entertainment we've said "that's enough" to.
"What will make you instantly stop watching a movie or show and why?"
I hate bad acting, writing, storytelling... I hate bad anything.
Stop JumpingFight Scene GIF by Operation FortuneGiphy
"Fight scenes with a million visual cuts. Gives me motion sickness. Contrast the absolutely masterful work in John Wick. long cuts, realistic use of weapons (mostly), 100% skill."
"When the actors whisper the whole movie and you have to crank the volume to hear what's being said - but the soundtrack or some other misc noise starts blaring at a higher volume directly after."
"I basically had to watch Stranger Things up in my attic with the windows and doors closed. I was worried the neighbors would think something was wrong or be annoyed if I watched it downstairs in my single family home. It was ridiculous."
"spice things up"
"Love triangles out of no where in a second or third season to 'spice things up' because studio writers are hacks and their idea of relationship drama is 'potential infidelity' at all times. It's the most tired trope on the go**amn planet and the second I see it rear its head I dip right the hell out."
"The whole concept of a love triangle to begin with an incredibly juvenile. Any healthy functioning adult who found themselves in a love triangle would soon choose to find themselves single."
Save your lips...
"When couples in a movie/show have a fight and one of them instantly goes to a friend and end up kissing her/him after talking for 5 minutes. I cringe so hard i turn it off and never watch it again."
"This pissed me off so much in Manifest. Girl is desperate to get back her ex-fiancé, he finally breaks up with his wife to get back with her and she's like 'nah, it's not fair to your wife, let me do this other dude I just met through a calling and be pissed at you for being jealous.' Michaela was the worst and everyone acted as if she were a saint the entire time."
Talk to MeIn Love Flirt GIF by OriginalsGiphy
"Shows where a single polite conversation could fix everything."
We are going overboard with the witty repartee. Talk normal...
Shut UpScared Home Alone GIF by FreeformGiphy
"Annoying main character, especially if it's a kid."
"Kids who have a quippy, sassy retort to everything, and everyone just kind of crumbles before their wit."
"Shows where kids in high school talk like they are 30 years olds who have done everything, been everywhere, know it all and use a ridiculously flowery and extensive vocabulary in every conversation. Like, have any of these writers ever been to high school? Literally no one talks like that. Even worse is when, in addition to this, all the adults talk normal or are just plain stupid, like so weird parallel universe."
"If the movie is too dark. Not graphic, just literally dark. I lose all sense of intensity in dark scenes and I'm not straining my damn eyes trying to figure out what the hell is going on."
"I've seen about 10 percent of all DC movies recently. I've seen all of the individual films in full, just actually saw 10% of each of them."
"Movies in the late 80s had a lot of dark but you could see the depth because of different shooting techniques. Now you cant see crap because its a CGI fest drowned in black color so you can't see crap because you have no depth in a scene. Compare night scenes in dark alleys in 80's movies and movies now. Utter crap show in the new ones."
Pay Attention Storytellers
"Bad editing would be a big one. A lot of modern horror movies can't help but edit the movies like they're trailers, with added noises to scare the audience because they are afraid the script alone isn't enough to keep people watching."
"I remember this is where the first transformers movie lost me. When the transformers are fighting at the end, it's all a big, jumbled mess of metal and I can barely tell what's going on or who is who."
Dramawill devry soap opera GIF by General HospitalGiphy
"When they go straight to relationship drama right away when it wasn't the selling point of the show."
Do better, Hollywood. It's not that hard.
I fear death.
I wake up in cold sweats dreaming about it.
I think about it in my waking hours.
It's an obsession and clearly, I'm not alone.
But there are more preferred ways to exit.
All we can do is hope to be lucky enough to skip the mercilessly awful.
Please just let me go quick and in my sleep.
RedditorCallMehRiverwanted to hear about all the ways none of us what to leave this life.
"What Do You Think Would Be The Worst Death Imaginable?"
My list of the worst deaths is long. My imagination runs amok.
Trappedseason 6 friends GIFGiphy
"For me? Being trapped in a small tube or cave (like the ones you have to wiggle through) and getting stuck to where you can’t move your arms. And all you can do is wait to die. I’m getting chills just thinking about it."
"The more I hear about cavers that get stuck, the more I think that's a crap way to go."
"There’s a great YouTube channel called Ask a Mortician and this was her #1 worse way to die. I can’t remember the exact details or their names, but two well-known divers went into an underwater cave."
"One of them became entangled and died. Years later, his friend dives back down there to try and retrieve his body, the body itself is rotten and his head comes off and the other guy also becomes tangled and dies. Really sad."
A Long Process
"Believed to be in a coma but coherent through the whole 20 year process until they pull the plug."
"Oh man this just reminded me of a story I read on here about a guy who lost the ability to move and speak but was completely conscious. Had to just lay there and be awake but trapped in a useless body. His family thought he was brain dead or something and he couldn’t communicate to them that he was 'all there.' Crazy"
Slow & Steady
"Being slowly impaled by a growing bamboo. It was a form of torture probably used by the japanese during WW2 against Allied prisoners."
"The scariest part is that once you have symptoms, you 100% will die. A 100% mortality rate has to be a psychological torture in itself."
"Not only that, you feel irrational fear. Your brain is literally being eaten apart by the virus and it fu*ks up everything on it. You can't drink water because it hurts you. You feel dizzy, present a fever, excessively salivate, everything hurts and it only gets worse. I'd rather take a bullet and die when the symptoms are still tolerable."
Why can't we all just go engulfed in calm and quiet?
"Some pulpy sci-fi book I read a while back had one of the best deaths of this real piece of crap bad guy. Left to die in a drowning sea lab under the Antarctic ice, he freezes himself in a state of the art suspended animation pod with some kind cold fusion power source that would keep it running for millions of years."
"But he forgot to inject himself with the drug that would put him to sleep. So basically he is in suspended animation at the bottom of the Antarctic ocean while his mind is perfectly awake and conscious in a near unbreakable machine that won't run out of power for millions of years and nobody knows about it."
"As an RN I have always thought that the worst way to die (natural process) is ALS. Lou Gehrig's Disease."
"My mom and grandmother have Huntington's disease, which is essentially ALS, Alzheimer's, and Dementia combined into one really messed up genetic disease. I have a 50% chance of inheriting it and if I hit 40 and there's still no cure I can't promise I'll feel like continuing on with my life because that disease is absolutely freaking miserable."
"The fact your chromosomes can be so destroyed your body basically lost it's genetic code and with it the ability to make any new cells. It's literally a 'dead man walking' and you slowly rot away in agony. Stuff is so unimaginably f**ked up."
"What's also bad about radiation is that it affects your nerves and brain cells last, so you have everything in place to feel all the pain of the rest of your cells being destroyed."
GooNot Listening Season 2 GIF by The Fresh Prince of Bel-AirGiphy
"I want to believe anything that slowly kills you painfully to be the worst. Such as slowly being crushed or something where the pain is beyond compare and yet not enough to throw you into shock or unconsciousness."
"Alternatively, being rapidly crushed into goo would probably be the least painful. I'm talking one of those massive industrial hammers they use for large steel work. Basically smooshed before the nerve signals make it to the brain."
Now I'll never sleep again without nightmares of death.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
Most Americans think nothing of their humdrum daily activities or amenities available to them.
However, others with a different perspective might romanticize the things that are otherwise commonplace ideas and concepts for US citizens, like going to a diner or riding the school bus.
One Redditor looked to foreigners to hear of their American desires to respond to the following:
"Non-Americans of Reddit: what is an American thing you have always wanted to try?"
The things depicted in film really captivated foreign audiences.
"To visit a diner like in the movies. In the middle of the night, it’s raining and just a few people there with great music from a jukebox."
Iconic Student Transport
"Ride a yellow school bus even if I'm too old. Growing up I always loved seeing them on TV."
Just Like The Ones We Used To Know
"A white Christmas."
"Living in an Australian state where I've never even seen snow in our winter, let alone experiencing that classic Hallmark movie moment of waking up to a street full of it and sitting around a fireplace while opening gifts/preparing a feast."
"Guess it's not strictly American, but the imagery and trope is something I've only really seen from American Films."
They may be ubiquitous for us, but they sure seem to be novel ideas to foreigners.
Let's Be Frank
"One of the hotdogs from those little street cart things."
"A friend of mine from Indonesia said, 'the food chewer in the sink.'"
"Apple Pie made by white-haired grandma, placed near window, who says 'oh dear...' as I levitate towards it."
"Proper tailgating before a ball game, the kind where there's ribs and stuff."
"Deep fried foods at a state fair. I'm from Scotland and we love to deep fry everything and I wanna know if it's just as good or better."
There are places to see!
Places To See
"America’s greatest invention!"
Backpacking In Nature
"I always wanted to hike The Appalachian Trail if that counts. Or see Yellowstone."
"Being able to start a whole new life 'elsewhere' without having to leave my country and going through an arduous immigration process."
My cousin told me she looks forward to visiting a Trader Joe's someday when she visits America for the first time.
Her bucket list option was hardly surprising. My parents used to bring treats from TJs as a novelty souvenir gift item, and my relatives ate it up. Literally.
Let's face it. The snacks at TJs rocks.
Even store locations in New York City would have ridiculously long lines during busy hours because the West-coast-based grocer was a novelty on the East Coast.
Many people work hard from the moment they are on the clock until their respective shifts are over at the end of a long day.
For many of those in the workforce, the wages barely sustain a comfortable living, especially for those who are raising a family.
Yet, there are jobs that are known to pay a higher salary without requiring extreme physical labor, or the requirement of higher education.
Curious to hear what those jobs might be, Redditor ImAMasterBayter asked:
"People Break Down Which Professions Are Completely Overpaid"
Extensive training requirements are not a thing, apparently, with these professions.
Daily Dairy Duty
"I watch milk powder go into a bag and out on a conveyor and get paid $37 an hour."
Eyeing Dirt In Motion
"Mine? I get paid $20.50 a hr to watch dirt go by on a belt all day."
The Handy Man Is Happy To Help
"I am a handy man that charges $50/hr with a 3hr minimum, a couple months ago I got a call for service that consisted of changing 9 smoke detector batteries, 2 light bulbs, and rehanging a picture. I felt bad taking the money but the guy couldn’t have been happier to have that stuff finally done. He asked for my card and is now a very good client."
Words From An Appraiser
"I make about 40 an hour after tax in the US as a real estate appraiser. You just need a college degree and a year of training and there is a huge shortage of appraisers right now."
"Edit because this post blew up: I only perceive this job as being overpaid because I used spent most of my 20's making pizza for minimum wage and imposter syndrome is a thing. Also, OP said he was looking for a possible career, and I felt like my job post was better than a troll post."
"Appraisers are not real estate agents or brokers. I do not buy or sell property."
"I do not, 'look at zillow and copy the number' and I don't just, 'make the number' in valuation. While I agree there are some appraisers who may lie or exaggerate, the same could be said of nearly any job. However, if I were to intentionally try hit some goal and got caught fudging the numbers, I'm looking at permanently losing my license and possible jail time depending on the severity. It's actually pretty common for me to, 'tank a deal' if someone is paying too much. This isn't the wild west of valuation anymore; FIRREA is a thing now. Appraisal reports aren't just 3 pages of photos with a cover page anymore; my typical appraisal is 30-50 pages with long boring typed pages of market data that I type and research myself."
"Let's talk about the appraisal gap. In most of the US, we are experiencing a, 'sellers market' meaning houses are selling for higher than what they normally sell for. A lot of people at this thread are blaming appraisers for driving housing prices up. Let me be perfectly clear about this: appraiser's valuations are based off of past data. That is it; we look at closed sales from the past. Realtors and brokers speculate on future markets, because they are motivated by profit. If anyone is driving this current market trend, it is the people buying properties over listing price, local government/laws willingness to allow foreign investors, the people who are raising rents, and the people who are making big risky developments. The appraisers have little to nothing to do with market perception of value; in my area at least many market participants are paying over 30% of listing price. Trust me when I say these people are not satisfied when my appraised value comes in less than that."
"The hardest part of the job is definitely the occasional angry phone call. Let's look at an example. Say someone lists their house at 100k, and they accept an offer for 150k, or 50% over listing. Well the appraisal is based off of past closed sales. The bank will only finance up to the appraised value. So if the appraisal comes in at 110k, meaning the subject in relation to comparable sales from the past year in the subject neighborhood equate to roughly 110k, they will either need to renegotiate the price, or be willing to put up 40k of their own money."
"In a sellers market, it's often better to accept a deal with better financing than a higher price. Let's say in this situation instead of taking the 150k offer with a mortgage, you take a smaller offer for 140k that is all cash, no financing. Well if there is no financing involved, meaning no bank, than no appraisal is needed."
Landing work in software seems to be like hitting the jackpot of success.
"I’m in software sales, software sales. Coworker got 100k commission on a deal."
"There are an incredible amount of 'analysts' who just 'own' automated excel sheets they received from developer teams."
"Low to mid six figures is common in HCOL areas."
The Successful Client
"I do the tax returns for a guy who paid 20k for demographic research software and made something like 40M over the last 3 years. His costs are almost nothing and admitted he does like 5 hours of work a week on it."
"I got more likes and comments than I thought I would, and wanted to add some more detail. The guy himself is super nice and easy to work with. It's hard not to feel jealous even though I make good money myself. His business and personal returns are super simple so we don't even charge him that much for them."
"The software is something proprietary he paid a third party for, and I don't know the name of that developer. The data output is sold to political campaigns and he's compensated more if the campaign wins. He did have some clients on both sides but now exclusively works on one side of the aisle."
Salaries in the world of academics got a closer inspection.
"University administrators and board members."
A Stark Contrast
"I'm a professor. I love it. But the 'president's office' contains a staff of 5 people with a total payroll of just under $500k/year. Meanwhile, all the PhDs, MFAs, and DMAs who teach all the classes, advise all the students, and serve on all the committees bring home a whopping $50k-$65k/year, dependent on rank, tenure, etc. It's real fun...
"The president of my institution makes a approximately $500k/year and is provided a house on campus alongside reserved parking if he so chooses to use it. He also gets a country club membership. Meanwhile I have to pay $200 to park at the school where I TA and do research, and I get paid maybe 1/20th of what he does. I genuinely do not understand why the f'k the dude who makes six figures doesn't pay for parking, but I do."
"Edit: that should be half a million."
Some of the cushiest jobs that require less time actively toiling away seem to be paying significantly more than the average livable wage offered in the US.
Perhaps the biggest indicator of what that might be was summed up best by Redditor iadasr, who said:
"Whatever you guys are all doing that lets you browse Reddit all day..."