Some people say there's no such thing as a stupid question. Well, they're wrong, and this thread shows why. Behold some of the dumbest questions ever asked of your fellow Redditors.
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
50. The Poor Bears Had No Idea
"What time do the bears come on?"
-Old Jewish lady to me, deep in the Katmai region of Alaska where I was a bear guide. You have to understand, No phones, no roads, float plane in and out, deeeep bush...
"ma'am, they are wild, they come and go as they please,"
" yes yes, but seriously when do they come on, I have a dinner date and I need to know"
Me: thousand yard stare across tundra and snow capped mountains... "I think they come on at 7pm on Tuesdays so you might not make it
"oh that'll never do, I can't be late"
49. The Taste Of Shapes
"What do triangles taste like?"
I drew a picture of this girl biting her own arm and exclaiming that they tasted like triangles. She was unaware of how dumb I was portraying her as and then proceeded to ask our teacher what triangles tasted like. I can't explain the blank look of disbelief my teacher had on his face.
edit: she was one of my friends and not some random dumb girl we all picked on. when we had downtime in class almost everybody would doodle little comics making fun of eachother or exaggerated retellings of events that happened in the classroom.
48. One Day It Will Be
So I have a prosthetic left eye, and every now and then I tell someone about it or someone notices it, and this is the number 1 question that I get asked about it: "Can you still see out of that eye?". I don't get annoyed or angry when asked this question. Instead I actually feel kind of amused, because it's literally a piece of plastic/ceramic that looks like an eye. Though once advanced robotic eye focused technology becomes a reality, I'll finally be able to say yes!
47. This Person Just Kept 'Em Comin'
I posted this before but here we go:
I'm half Arab.
She asked me where this country "Arab" is located... I told her there is no such country so she asked me if I'm coming from the country "Muslim" (I'm not even Muslim).
Since my father is Muslim she asked me " Why your father hate us?", because she was thinking that Muslim and ISIS was the same thing.
An ex thought that Guatemala and guacamole are the same thing.
Europe is a country.
"Is Italy not in the UK?"
"Do you really have 4 seasons in your country? I thought only Japan is having 4 seasons"
I told a girl that I'm circumcised she asked me " How do you have sex then?" she was thinking circumcised = no penis
46. Sunlight And Heat
Hot day at the beach, wife and I and her friend got bowls of ice cream and headed back to our spot. As we sit down on the blanket her friend turned to me and asked in a serious tone: "do you think this will melt if I put it in the shade under the beach chair?"
45. This Is Why Theresa May Thrives
Just a few weeks before Britain had it's EU referendum (picture the scene: EU matters and the upcoming vote being constantly debated in the news outlets and in every workplace imaginable etc), a native hairdresser asked me in all seriousness "Are we voting to leave the EU, or are they voting to get rid of us?".
I have to say that my heart sank a little at that question (and the knowledge that in just a matter of weeks, people who had not even the most basic grasp of the impending historical decision dawning upon us, could walk into a polling booth and vote on the nations future).
While I'm not saying that people should have to have any sort of qualifications to vote (etc), it does seem very reckless that people can vote on serious matters on which they barely understand the question of (but hey ho, democracy eh!).
44. Human Geography
I was talking to a client about getting radiographs for her dog. We were taking views of her dog's chest to determine whether or not the dog had aspiration pneumonia.
"Does that (the chest rads) include the heart and the lungs too?"
Me: "Err, generally speaking..." I made a circle on the chest part of my body, "the heart and the lungs are included in this area."
I don't think it ever registered with her.
43. Monument And House Need To Be Delineated
Not asked to me, but overheard...
I live in the 'burbs of DC. About 10+ years ago I was working in the city, and took Metro downtown. I get out at the Smithsonian stop, along with a family that was obviously on vacation. Everything about them said "tourist." Mom had on a golf shirt, visor, and a fanny pack. Dad had a matching fanny pack, socks were pulled all the way up and had loafers. Kids had matching "I heart dc" t-shirts. The whole 9 yards. I ended up just in front of them as we exited the turnstiles and went onto the Mall.
The high school aged daughter says to her mother, "Mom...I don't get it. Why do they call it the Washington Monument if George Bush lives there?"
Her mom took a second to respond and said "you know...I don't know. Maybe we could ask someone."
42. Who Has The Rosetta Stone
I was in Wal-Mart and a guy came up to me and asked if I could read "hieroglyphics" and handed me bottle of motor oil.
It was roman numerals. He needed me to read the roman numerals to him.
41.8 vs. 18
Somebody asked me if I knew that somebody born in 2010 is 18 now and how crazy that was etc. I couldn't help but laugh when I realized he was serious.
40. How Would You Even Do This
My dog does a trick we call "CPR" where he puts his paws together and pumps them up and down. He did this in the drive-thru line at Arby's, basically begging for a treat. The girl at the window asked what he was doing, and I told her he was doing his CPR trick. The girl looked me straight in the eye and asked if he is certified.
39. Circles Are Different Than Drinks
Used to work at a placed that delivered pizza. Had a lady call up and inquire about the number of slices on a pizza. She wanted to know how many slices on a small, so I told her eight. She also wanted to know how many slices on a large and I again told her eight. You could hear the wheels turning in her head as she asked me how that was possible. We then shared a small lesson on diameter and how circles work. Was a generally understanding person just confused.
38. The Password Is: Milk
Enter 17 year old me, working at McDonalds and generally hating life but for different reasons than I do these days. By this point in my illustrious Mickey D's career I was the only person other than managements qualified to train new hires - and since it was a McDonald's I obviously got stuck with it. All well and good, until I get stuck with someone so f*cking stupid that it quite possibly gave me my first real thought of "how are you still alive?"
Training this guy on the drive-thru window, easy enough - look at the screen, prep drinks, then walk over to the front of the line and get the food that's on the screen. I've already had issues with this guy and I'm busy trying to hold the front counter area somewhat together when I hear from behind me:
Him: "Hey, what's that mean?"
Me: "What's what mean-"
Him: "That, what's that, what's one milk?"
This incredible genius of the ages is pointing at the screen, completely clueless as to what milk is. You know the little milk containers that come in Happy Meals? The one that was in a CLEAR F*CKING COOLER RIGHT BY THE WINDOW? Yeah, that one.
I...don't miss that job at all.
37. I Can Count To Potato
I work at a toy store, and we sell science kits. The classic "Potato Battery" kit is one of the most popular.
Customer: * holds up small box containing just the small bits of metal and wire for the kit, maybe the size of a hand and a quarter inch thick* "hey does this include the potatoes?"
Me: unsure if joking "uhhh no sorry they don't."
Customer: "Damn! Ok well where do you keep the potatoes?"
Me: "Sir... this is a toy store... in a mall..."
Customer: "I know where I am, where do you keep the potatoes?!"
I lost there and told him "the grocery store". He wasn't pleased and left in a huff lol.
36. This Conversation Is A Cringe Festival
"Do macadamia cookies have nuts in them?"
Me: "Macadamia nuts..."
"Oooh really? That's what macadamia is?!?"
Then there was also,
"Do the peanut butter cookies have nuts in them? Like other nuts? Cause like...peanut butter isn't a nut anymore, y'know? Cause they made it all soft."
The idiot in question that I work with is an 18 year old girl that SERVES THESE DESSERTS.
I've also had other situations with this girl before. I was once talking to another co-worker about different cheeses for some unknown reason. Co-worker mentions goat cheese, idiot girl overhears this and says, "Goats make cheese?!?"
I said. "Yeah...they produce milk, so you can make goat cheese."
"They have milk?!? I thought that was only cows!!"
35. An Egg Is A Chicken Seed
Someone I knew in math class. "What kind of food is an egg? I'm completely forgetting, is it like a fruit or vegetable or something*?*" Almost convinced her that due to the fact that chicken eggs can contain a seed for reproduction that it was a vegetable due to the fact that vegetables have seeds on their interior. Almost worked.
Edit: I understand that my logic applies to fruit and not vegetables, thank you
34. Even The Smartest Struggle With Maps
She brings me a map of Spain, tells me she isn't good at geography, and asks if I can point out where she's going on holiday (booked by boyfriend).
Ok, sure. Where? I ask.
Ok, but where exactly?
... southern Spain.
I pointed vaguely at the bottom of the map and she went away quite happily. Thing is, she's reasonably intelligent, but that question really showed the gaping hole in her knowledge and understanding.
33. One Hand, One Heart
It's a tie for me.
First was a guy I knew in college who asked how you get p*ssy stank off your hand.
Second was when I was working at a bakery that sold cookie cakes in 3 different shapes. We have fake cakes in the display case at the bottom to show off current seasonal designs and so people can see how big the cakes will look in real life.
The manager had just changed out all of the cakes for the new season and sometimes he changes the placement of the different sizes. Well this lady came up wanting to buy a cake and when I asked her what size she wanted she pointed at one of the display cakes and says she wants one that size.
I inform her of the recent change and tell her that I don't know what's down there so I asked her if it was a round, square or rectangle. She said she didn't know. I was so dumbfounded I let it slip before I caught myself "you mean you don't know your shapes?".
She said she didn't so she made me pull the display case apart on my side so I could pull it out and look. It was a circle. She then proceeds to pay with one of those thick AMEX Black cards, I think you have to pay like $5k a year or something for the membership fee so I guess her husband was the bread winner cause she was clearly too stupid to have a job that pays well enough for that.
32. Europe Is Pretty Free Too
When I was a high school exchange student in the USA, a classmate asked me "So are you guys in Europe jealous of our freedom?" to which I replied "What freedom?" (I actually wanted to know what exactly he was referring to) and he got all stuttery "You know... our... American freedom.". It seemed like it dawned on him for the first time he had actually no idea what that expression was supposed to really mean.
31. This One's Also Racist
Context: I grew up in China.
Canadian lady: "soo.. are there roads in China? Or do you have to take the great wall to school?"
Me: "....yup. Great wall. On my pet panda."
30. Not Snow Nor Bike Nor Day Can Save Thee
I was working with one of the new guys at my job. They sent him on the road with me so I could show him the ropes of how our systems are installed. We live in Michigan but were working in Utah so all of the mountains were a nice change in scenery. One morning, we're getting into the car and this exchange happened:
Me: Man, it's crazy to think that the change in altitude between us and tops of those mountains are the difference between us wearing shorts down here and there being a bunch of snow up there.
Him: Wait, that's snow?
Me: Yeah... what did you think all of the white stuff was on top of mountains?
Him: I don't know. Guess I never really thought about it but I wouldn't have guessed snow.
Later that week, we're headed back to the airport. A motorcycle cop pulls up next to us. He then looks at me and says "So when a bike cop arrests someone, do they just put them on the back of the bike? That seems dangerous." "No dude. They call a squad car to come get the guy." "Ooooooooh. Man, that makes so much more sense."
29. Maybe She Missed It
I was at a party in university and one of the girls wanted to play "Higher or Lower" where you guess if the next card is higher or lower than the previous card, and you keep going until someone gets it wrong and they drink. Pretty simple.
So without flipping the first card over she looks at me and asks, "Higher or lower?"
"Higher or lower than what?"
"It doesn't matter. Higher or lower?"
At this point my friend interrupts: "Just say higher or lower and she'll get it."
So, "Higher!" I say.
She flips over the card and stares at it for a second before letting out a quiet "oh".
28. Some People Don't Celebrate Christmas, Timmy
I have an identical twin brother. In middle school, one of my classmates asked me, "so, you're a twin, does that mean you two have the same birthday?" I responded "why yes, it does." He followed up with, "does that mean you celebrate Christmas on the same day?" "Why yes.. it does. Yes it does."
27. I'm Gonna Guess At 3 O'Clock, Darla
"What time is the 3 o'clock parade?"
I worked at Disney World. This is the #1 most common question you'll get asked as a Cast Member in the Magic Kingdom.
26. Oh, The Whites
It was me. I'm white, ended up dating a long time friend of mine, who is black.
We were talking about going to the beach the next day, and I mentioned that I needed to buy some sunscreen. GF tells me she has some, so no worries. I asked her why she had sunscreen. She was puzzled, for a moment.
She then responded "Yes, black people get sunburned. Just because you haven't seen it, doesn't mean it doesn't happen."
And she was right, I just assumed, in all my whiteness, that black people didn't sunburn. She still makes fun of me for this. I am in my 30's..
25. Colorful Understandings
Not a question but a friend of mine was 100% CONVINCED that Oklahoma was a city in Texas. When I asked her why she thought that she said its because when she drove there with her family, she did not go through the big wall that separates all the states, and the ground didn't change color like on a map...
24. Sarah Michelle Gellar Is Crying Somewhere
Grandmother once was doing a crossword puzzle, turns to me and asks, "what is Edgar Allan Poe's middle name?" She asked so earnestly that it made me think that Edgar Allan Poe had another middle name. After I haltingly replied Allan, she realized she had answered her own question. We still bring it up occasionally.
23. Would Have Taken Five Seconds To Not Be A Jerk
Had a lady insist that "the lights outside that you don't plug in and don't have batteries" were not solar lights. She got furious when she asked two more employees who both said solar lights. She then described the solar panel on top of those decorative garden lights, and demanded a manager. Who also told her solar lights.
Edit: Yes- she meant solar lights. She came back later, clearly embarrassed and bought some.
22. It's My Name, Don't You Forget
The Scene: Meeting some new people in a college class.
I introduce myself, "Hi, I'm LoveIsLegallyBlind."
New classmate: "Don't you mean DifferentNameThatSoundsALittleLikeMine?"
He thinks it's time to double down. "Are you sure? Why not?"
Me: "Because that's not what my parents named me..."
Like what? Who corrects someone on their own name? I have a somewhat unusual name. People misspell it or mispronounce it all the time, but this was special.
21. And Anthropologists Don't Study Anthropology
Not me, but it's such a dumb question I have to share. A classmate of mine in my sophomore year of High School asked my Biology teacher something so dumb it's stuck with me for 10 years. She was clearly arguing with someone in the back of the class and my teacher finally stopped them and asked what was going on. Now this girl was known to everyone as a bit of a dunce, but this was astounding. She looked at my teacher with this smug-*ss smirk and said "Can you settle this argument for us since you're a science teacher? A biologist doesn't study biology, right? These guys keep trying to tell me they do." My teacher went wide-eyed and had to leave the room for what felt like 5 minutes.
This girl already said a lot of really stupid stuff in the 6 years I went to school with her, but this was the one that always stuck out to me.
20. Turducken Has Taken A Toll
While working as a butcher, I showed a deli clerk how to break down a whole chicken into pieces. I show her, "two breasts, two wings, two legs, two thighs." she looks at me and asks, "which part does the turkey come from?"
19. No, we can't change the road because of the Sun. This is how West works.Giphy
I work in a toll booth and was working on the westbound side. A lady drove up to my booth really mad, which is par for the course but I digress. She told me that every day she takes this route home from work, and every. single. day. the sun is directly in her eyes... Well of course, shes driving westbound at 6 pm. When I mentioned this she brushed it off and asked "well can't you change the direction of the road or at least put a cover over it?! I can't be the only person who is bothered by this!"
18. A divine mystery.Giphy
My 21 year old sister once asked my entire family at dinner if Nuns don't have sex where do they get more nuns. That takes the cake for me.
17. When you're a twin and you don't know which one you are...Giphy
I am an identical twin and one time a girl asked me if we get each other confused.
16. Really? Do you see any land in the sky?Giphy
I was at my cottage looking at the stars at night with a friend and she turned to me and asked: "are there countries in the sky?" I didn't know what she meant so I asked her to explain and then she said: "Well, are there any countries in the world that are just kind of, in the sky?" I was so confused that I just sat there in silence but eventually she says "I mean, is there land on the earth in the sky where people live that are countries?" At that point I just gave up and said "no" and she replied "oh, okay" so reassuringly.
15. This contractual genius.Giphy
For context, I work in a phone shop.
Customer: What is this? (Hands me his bill)
Me: This is your bill.
Customer: But I already paid it.
Me: Well then, don't worry about it.
Customer: No, I mean I paid it last month.
Me: Oh, this is just your second bill then.
Customer: BUT I ALREADY PAID IT!
Me: Last month's bill, yes. This is your next bill.
Customer: YOU MEAN THEY KEEP SENDING THESE EVERY MONTH?
Me: ... yes ... that's what a phone contract is. You signed a contract for 2 years didn't you?
Me: So you will get a bill each month for 2 years then.
Customer: WHAT A RIP OFF!!!
He legit thought he would only get a single $90 bill for his brand new iPhone over the entire 2 years of his contract...
14. The rocks are just to mess with you.Giphy
I'm a whitewater raft guide.
One of my customers asked me why they put rocks in the river if they're so dangerous.
13. Does beef come from chickens?Giphy
Waited on a woman who asked me what kind of meat was in our beef taco salad.
Lady: what kind of meat is in your beef taco salad?
Me : Beef
L: what kind of beef?
Me: Beef, ground beef seasoned with taco seasoning.
L: No, I mean is it pork or chicken?
Me: Ma'am, it's beef, it's from a cow. It's beef.
"How did we build the mountains?" - my brothers fiance, while we drove through the Rockies
Not me, but our safari guide in South Africa said he once heard a woman ask her husband, "Honey, is that the same moon we see in Texas?"
10. What do you think French fries are made of?Giphy
Someone was placing an order once at my family's restaurant, and they had asked me for a side of French fries without the potatoes. I assumed she was joking, so I laughed...she wasn't joking. She got offended and left the restaurant lol
9. Map It OutGiphy
If it was possible to even land a plane on Japan because it's so small.
Because, you know, maps are a 1:1 description of the world
"I don't know Lloyd, according to this map we've only gone about 4 inches."
8. Don't Be A BabyGiphy
I'm a postpartum nurse. A patient asked me "when will the doctor be here to pierce my nipples so I can breastfeed?"
It sounds like something her dad or husband told her for a giggle and promptly forgot about.
7. Mrs. Potato HeadGiphy
Someone was placing an order once at my family's restaurant, and they had asked me for a side of French fries without the potatoes. I assumed she was joking, so I laughed...she wasn't joking. She got offended and left the restaurant.
Yeah tf. She wanted oil and salt?
6. Beam Me UpGiphy
I worked in a pizza restaurant when I was 16. They had a pizza they called a UFO pizza. It was just another slab of dough on top of a regular pizza, and it made it look like an orb, hence the name.
One day a guy that worked there was writing down a telephone order, turns around and says "hey guys, how do you spell UFO??" The owner looked mortified and just repeated "youuu eefff ohhh!!". He stared back in silence for a few moments before it hit him.
5. On The LevelGiphy
People visiting Alaska on a cruise would walk onto the dock-- a dock portruding into the pacific ocean-- then look up at the mountains and ask what elevation we were at.
1 foot, ma'am. You are standing on a dock which is at sea level.
My experience on an Alaskan cruise had a lady complaining to the front desk that it was too cold outside for her kid to swim.
4. Excel-lent BossGiphy
My current boss asked me to "make the pages smaller" so she can see all of them" she had excel zoomed in to 200% and thought I was just sending things in font 46. This person has been in her position for 12 years. Ugh.
3. Weight Of The WorldGiphy
Was a Mac Genius for 7 years, customer asked if her iPod would get heavier as she puts more music on it.
"For maximum efficiency, stick to light jazz, avoid heavy metal."
I have a buzz cut. A guy at work recently asked, dead seriously "Do you cut your hair? Or does it only grow that long?"
I got a haircut with bangs when I was around 13 and, when I showed up to school the next day, one of my classmates asked me how I grew them so fast.
In high school, we were warming up before a baseball game one evening and some really ominous ,dark clouds started rolling in. One of my teammates very seriously asked "Is that a storm or is that just night coming?". I will never forget that.