We try not to judge, but every once in awhile, somebody comes along that you just can't get a grasp of. That person likely stirred up/disturbed your day in a way that you didn't expect. But one thing is for sure--you will never forget them.
Here were some of those stories.
Years ago when I worked at a shipping and copying place (similar to Kinko's) a guy would come in every so often with stacks of newspapers. He would cut up parts of different articles and tape the sections together to form his own stories, then run what he made through the copier to make it look like it was one actual article. He would then show them to me and tell me they were about him.
Usually the finished article was a combination of world news about terrorism and the sports section. The overall story was that he is a CIA agent fighting terrorism and his cover was being the quarterback for the Chicago Bears.
I used to work the drive through at a Del Taco that was open 24 hours a day. I had several odd experiences with a regular who came in about once a week towards the end of my employment there.
Experience 1: Man comes to window and asks if our bean and cheese burrito is organic. I say "probably not but I'm not sure." He decides that this means they absolutely must be 100% organic and orders 3 of them.
Experience 2: Same man comes to window shirtless. He explains that he is only shirtless because he was sweating profusely moments earlier (at 2am) and proceeds to hold a soaking wet shirt up to the window for me to touch as proof.
Experience 3. Same man comes to window, does not order anything, but tells me he is very happy that we are open 24 hours a day because "he is only awake at night."
Experience 4. Same man comes to window to tell me about a yoga studio he has been frequenting because they are open until 3am. He suggests I check it out. He does not order his usual "organic" bean and cheese burrito but rather our fish tacos because "he has decided to only eat fish."
Very nice man. Very strange man.
I went to a wilderness survival school and there was this guy there named Charlie who never wore a shirt, rode this really beat-up motorcycle everywhere, and mined Bitcoin for a living. He didn't bring a tent so he slept on a tarp on the ground for the whole week and ate canned beans even though we provided meals. He cried a lot and hugged everyone at the end of the week.
Charlie was pretty cool tbh.
When I lived in Hawaii I used to meet a lot of weirdos. It's hard to pick a winner out of all of them but I'll go with the crazy Welsh guy for this entry.
I was sitting at a bus stop reading when he approached me.
"LIKE TO READ, EH?"
The caps lock is appropriate here because he always spoke like he's just barely refraining from going completely ballistic.
"Uh yeah," I said.
"I HAVE A BOOK OF POEMS I'VE WRITTEN. WOULD YOU LIKE TO READ THEM?"
"I guess so," I said.
He then thrust a manila folder at me, then added "THEY'RE WRITTEN BACKWARDS BECAUSE THEY'RE ABOUT WHO THE JEWS STOLE TIME."
"Uh thanks," I said.
"I HOPE YOU LIKE THEM," he said, then walked away.
According to the writing on the packet he was the co-president of the Hawaiian-Welsh Astral Society, which met weekly at a nearby park. The poems began with photocopies of a bunch of news articles he had annotated with comments I couldn't make any sense of before getting into the poetry itself, which made no reference to Jews anywhere that I could see but were dated in reverse chronology, which I guess is what he meant by them being written backwards. They were not very good poems.
Georgie Porgie Scared MeGiphy
The first day I met him, he was rubbing his tummy. Under the shirt. It was weird, but not scary. I didn't think he was trying to be weird, just that he wanted to rub his tummy and this was the time to do it, mere coincidence that we were speaking.
One time he was shouting in his office, "SHUT UP SLAVE, SHUT UP SLAVE" over and over. We couldn't tell what he was saying at first, but he left quickly towards the elevators and still shouting in the lobby.
He would try to touch your elbow with his instead of a high five or anything.
He'd have random outbursts, similar to the "shut up slave", but more contained. Like, he'd know his reaction was uncalled for, however he wasn't able to control what he was saying.
As I got to know him more, I could tell that he was working on it and trying to get himself under control, however I don't know if he's ever been diagnosed with anything.
I called him John the liar...he was a coworker of mine in college at a sporting goods store. He lied about everything not just embellishing stories or adding a few extra details... just straight up lies. He would lie about what he ate for lunch even though I saw him eat it.
He told our manager that his dad was a 6'5 marine who helped take down Osama Bin Laden and then an hour later he told me his dad was a quadriplegic and had been for 30 years. Then he told me he got an override from the administration to take 24 credits one semester as a biology major...then I found out he was still in high school.
It was absolutely psychotic, I finally had to confront him about it when he started telling customers the completely wrong specs on all the guns we carried. He just lied some more and said that I was wrong or that I misunderstood him.
Eventually I had to ask my supervisor to schedule me on a different shift because I couldn't take it anymore.
Assault By Bookshelf
I managed a bookstore for a long time and you run into your share of weirdos, there. I could tell a million stories. One of the weirdest was this lady who came in a few times who would get dozens of books, browse through them, ask us to hold them, and then never ask to see them again or buy them, so we began just reshelving stuff immediately.
One day she came in and took over this one sitting area. She had probably close to a hundred books piled on the coffee table and the floor, and the other customers sitting there were clearly starting to get annoyed. I went over with a library cart and offered to take some of the books to the front of the store to hold onto them while she "shopped". She said no. I said at the very least I needed to put the books on the cart because it was hazardous to have piles of books in the aisle, but when I knelt to pick them up, she grabbed my hands and slammed them on the table, pinning my wrists down, and legit snarled at me. I managed to stay calm and told her to get her hands off of me, and told one of my co-managers who was nearby to call the police.
When the police came, they asked me if I wanted to press charges for assault, but I said no: I just wanted her trespassed from the property. He wrote out a trespass order and she pulled a folder out where she had a stack of trespass orders from various local businesses and filed it alphabetically - I guess she got banned from so many places, she found it hard to keep track.
The police ended up having to stay for a while because she kept circling her car through the parking lot and screaming obscenities at me. I don't remember everything she said, but I do know at one point she said "F*CK YOU. YOU'RE NOT THE REAL PRINCESS DIANA. I KNEW THE REAL PRINCESS DIANA AND YOU AREN'T HER, MOTHERF*CKER!" It took us over an hour to reshelve all her goddamn books.
I looked up her name online later when I got home. Turned out she was a prominent real estate agent the next city over. I cannot imagine showing up to an open house held by that lunatic.
The Lunch List
The cemetery groundskeeper in our hometown.
He did a very good job (the grounds were immaculate and perfectly landscaped), but he'd hover over people when they'd visited a grave - as if he didn't want anyone in his cemetery.
People wondered why he'd have his lunch inside the mausoleum on the grounds on sunny days instead of being outdoors. He'd say, "I prefer being with the dead than with the living."
I Hate You, Dan
I'll call him Dan. Dan was my roommate in a military school. Military school is already full of weirdos but Dan... Dan owns it. Here's a slight list of the atrocities I had with my man, Dan;
Dan kept a dead bird he found outside in his desk. He wanted to get its bones and sell it to a museum.
Dan was filling up a half gallon bottle with dip spit. He plan was to one day use the collected amount and "repackage" it into empty dip cans to sell to people. I almost threw up twice remembering this. One day, he didn't tighten the lid and it spilled into his footlocker. Three times almost threw up.
In six months of knowing Dan, I saw him shower three times. He was quite stinky fellow. I was his roommate.
He thought he was a vampire. I asked him why. He said he didn't like sunlight. I explained that he never went into the sun so that's why it bothered him. He said his mom had to file his fangs when he was born. I explained to him newborns do not have teeth usually. He told me he drank blood and liked it. I asked if it was his. He said no. I asked who the f*ck gave him blood. He said he was sworn to secrecy. I said the name of another weirdo at the school because I just f*cking knew it. He was basically like "lol, that's him."
We had these giant bed cover things we called bed condoms. It was a large cloth like bag that you put over a twin mattress in our barracks bunk beds. Nobody used them because it made it harder to make your bed for inspections. Reason I bring this up? Dan never did his laundry. We had pickup service. Literally you just leave a bag of clothes out your door someone picks it up and folds it. Dan never did his laundry. Dan's laundry was too much for his laundry bag. Dan starting using his bed condom. Dan filled his bed condom. One day, I threaten to beat his ass if he didn't get his laundry done. I woke up him up in the morning prior to the pickup and went to go shower. As I was leaving, I witnessed him pouring his dirty ass laundry onto his bed. I went to shower. When I came back, Dan was cocooned in a massive pile of dirty laundry on his bed that he was sleeping naked in. He did not emerge from his sacred slumber as a beautiful butterfly. He was still Dan.
Dan would masturbate at my computer at night when he thought I was asleep to weird anime flash games. I only caught him once and changed my PW. Who knows how many times he stroked that vienna sausage till his eyes rolled back.
One time, my buddy and I went out. We came back to watch a movie and Dan had like three beers or whatever so was laying in his bed. There was a beer bottle on my desk in which my buddy asked if it was mine and I said no. He said it was almost empty so he was going to spit in it as he put a dip in. After about 15 minutes, he said he didn't want to spit in it anymore because it was warm. I said something about it was on top of my computer hard drive so maybe the computer warmed it up. Buddy left for a minute. Dan proceeds to tell me that the bottle is warm because he peed in it. He left it it on my desk. I beat up Dan.
Dan left boogers under my desk.
Dan was morbidly obese and disgusting. Somehow Dan's mom was fine. Shockingly attractive.
Dan bought a Russian trench coat and a gas mask.He would sometimes sleep in them.
Dan snored loudly.
People were not fond of Dan. One night he was sprayed with the fire extinguisher while watching stuff on his computer... and hallucinating on Robitussin. He fell down and busted his head.
Dan got written up because the sow that he drank blood from and Dan were caught repeatedly playing around the dumpster by the cadet chain of command. We do not know why they liked the dumpster.
One time I walked into the room and there was a strange gold tint to it. I had been gone all weekend and was confused. I walked into my room and was like basically what the f*ck. I looked over and I see Dan and blood donation idiot smiling at me with gold paint on their mouths. I noticed the spray paint can on the desk. I left the room.
Ever heard of pouring Listerine through slice of bread will filter the alcohol out so you can drink it? Dan heard this rumor too. Dan got sick that day after growing frustrated and eating the slice of bread.
Ever heard that if you leave oranges out, the mold can make you hallucinate? Me neither. Dan did! He grew frustrated and ate the orange. Dan was sick again.
I am forgetting things about Dan. I know it. I may add if I remember some other ones.
I was not fond of Dan.
If you enjoy this, read about Buck.
I am not fond of him too.
Edit Specialist Buck It's full blown military jargon but pretty sure they came from the same breeding.
Trapped In A ConvoGiphy
An old lady that used to live in my town who was usually just known as the "I say!" lady. She was usually seen accompanied by a large dog. She was called that because she started all conversations with adults with "I say....".
She was an absolute terror to children. If a child came within a few feet she would berate them for being near and say the dog would attack them (the dog seemed more terrified of her and I never heard of it attacking anyone). We kids all knew to just leave her alone.
With adults, she was a totally different person and would be extremely friendly. Adults knew to avoid her too because she would talk to them for hours if you let them and literally chase after you if you tried to leave.
Let me be real for a second.
Every time I listen to Bjork's "Unravel," my heart breaks a bit.
Have you ever listened to it?
It's on Homogenic, her third studio album, and it's incredible, passionate, smartly produced and a great showcase for her stupendous voice.
That song? An emotional rollercoaster, for sure.
There's tons of great music out there, though, and even more sad and gorgeous songs to discover.
People shared their thoughts after Redditor humanbear07 asked the online community:
"What song genuinely breaks your heart everytime you hear it?"
"Ann Wilson has such an amazing voice..."
"There's a few, but the isolated vocal track for Heart's 'Alone' is especially heartbreaking to me. Ann Wilson has such an amazing voice and her emotion really made that band."
Doesn't grow old.
There have been quite a few excellent covers of this one over the years, too.
"The first words give me chills..."
"Most songs by the late Jeff Buckley are sad on their own, and even more devastating in context. But the one that hits me the hardest is his cover of 'I Know It's Over' by the Smiths."
"The subject of the song is up for interpretation no matter what, but Jeff Buckley's premature death adds an element to it that seems to be about his life, whether he planned to or not."
"The first words give me chills the most— they happen after the classic reverby Jeff Buckley intro, the kind Hallelujah fans will be familiar with. He takes his time with this one, like he does with that."
No love for "Lilac Wine"?
It's clearly the best track.
"Ever since my husband..."
"'Merry Christmas, Darling' by the Carpenters. Ever since my husband Tom died in 2012, my heart breaks every Christmas since. We loved Christmas."
Karen Carpenter's voice hits differently when you realize how tortured her life was.
Gone too young.
"My Dad told me..."
"In My Life by The Beatles. My Dad told me when I was a teenager that he wanted it played at his funeral. I still can't listen, and when that day comes and I HAVE TO listen to it to honor his wish, I'm going to be a blubbering mess."
Sounds like you have an excellent relationship with your dad.
"My grandmother died..."
"He Stopped Loving Her Today, by George Jones. My grandmother died almost 20 years before my grandfather, and we played it at his funeral. Just typing this chokes me up a bit."
Songs have even more meaning (sometimes painfully so) when linked to specific moments in our lives, particularly the moments when we've lost people we care about.
"I'm not a Christian..."
"'Bridge Over Troubled Water' by Simon & Garfunkel. Not a Christian, but when I hear it, I understand why people believe."
A beautiful song, and timeless, too.
"My sister's husband..."
"Always on my Mind by Willie Nelson. My sisters husband chose to have it played at her funeral. And yes he was a crappy husband and she died young in a car accident."
Sounds like art imitating life, no?
"He's an amazing songwriter..."
"Jason Isbell has so many it's honestly hard to choose one. Speed Trap Town, Decoration Day, Cover Me Up. He's an amazing songwriter."
I don't know him–it's time to look him up and see how I feel.
"I can already feel tears..."
"One More Light by Linkin Park. I can already feel tears coming to my eyes just by typing this."
Chester Bennington's death was such a shock.
His music lives on.
"My brothers passed away..."
"Simple Man - Lynyrd Skynyrd."
"My brothers passed away in a car accident shortly after coming home from Afghanistan. Reminds me of them every time I hear it."
Sorry for your loss.
Hopefully hearing the song brings you peace.
Hearing a beautiful song can be an immensely moving experience.
And hearing a sad song can, for many people, help them cope with the pain of heartbreak better than they would have otherwise.
Have some suggestions of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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Unfortunately, a friendship could really end at any point in life.
Friends grow apart, but also, sometimes, it's just necessary to say goodbye to your relationship with a friend.
Maybe they aren't the right type of friend for you anymore, or maybe something has happened in their lives to make them self-destructive and toxic.
The reasons are many, and they are all sad.
Redditor monarchmondays asked:
"People who have unfriended their childhood friend/best friend, what happened?"
Here were some of those answers.
Bad Looking Out
"I was more-so the one who was unfriended. Was going to be the best man in his wedding. Saw his fiance out with another dude. Like on this dude."
"Told him, he told me I was wrong, Yada Yada. Things got heated. I told him I couldn't be his best man. Some years down the road, he caught her cheating."
"Called me up, asked if I wanted to grab a beer. I went. He apologized. I accepted, but we're still not friends."-TheMotorcycleMan
Friends Don't Control Friends
"He was a pathological liar, manipulative and told all of my most trusted secrets to everyone because he wanted to feel powerful and like he controlled me."
"Haven't spoken a word in 5 years and I have never looked back."-TheDandy9
Sometimes Life Is The Only Thing In The Way
"As soon as I left my hometown and my best friend growing up stayed, we both changed in opposite directions. He assimilated to the local lifestyle, quickly became friends with people he never got along with in school."
"I left, made new friends, found new things I liked. He started a family, I started a career."
"The final straw though was he RSVP'd to our wedding and then just didn't show. No text, no call, no anything. I think he was pissed that I didn't make him my best man after I was his best man, even though it was exactly because he wasn't reliable and made everything about himself that I couldn't do it."
"He caused sh*t at other people's weddings and I just didn't want to deal with what I knew would be inevitable. It did highlight though that growing up I was his best friend as a matter of convenience where I genuinely liked hanging out with him."-porscheblack
It's never fun or happy to lose a friend, but sometimes it's necessary for your healing process.
We've Reached The Point Of No Return
"I haven't unfriended her YET but I'm basically at the point where I'm sick of her drama, pettiness and 'main character syndrome.'"
"Anything that doesn't go her way is taken personally and if you disagree with her (or even have a preference that differs from hers) she will berate you into submission and 'agreement.'"
"And heaven forbid you have a life that doesn't consider her wants and desires. We're both 30, almost 31. I'm too old for that sh*t."-Deezus1229
When The Punches Come, I Go
"I met my ex-best mate in school, he had a little narcissistic personality, but I understood that and ignored his faults."
"In late Teens, we started drinking and partying as most do; this is when it became apparent that he had alcohol problems, forever being violent looking for fights, killing my good vibes, and getting me pulled into unwanted situations where I saved him or stopped him from beating on someone for no good reason."
"Throughout our life, he never attempted to fight me. He remained a pretty good friend to me until our first trip overseas to Asia; during our trip, he tried to coward punch me in the back of the head because I asked him to put out his cigarette that he had just lit."
"I asked him because we were seated in a restaurant surrounded by families, for some reason that angered him, I got up to leave and luckily heard him coming and avoided his punch, but he then tried to attack me further, which ended with us both on the ground and me on top of him while he shouted and went crazy."
"Eventually, police arrived and pointed a gun at both of us; luckily, they didn't shoot. Having foreign police aiming at me because my friend wouldn't calm down was one of the most scary moments in my life and that's saying something because I don't come from a easy upbringing."
"He was drunk, of course, and claims he doesn't remember, but there's no excuse to try and coward punch anyone, especially your best mate."
"I packed my bags that night and left our joint holiday plans in the dirt, traveling solo and having a blast. When I got back from my trip, I quit drinking myself and have remained sober for the last five years."
"Throughout that five years, I've had brief encounters with him, but our friendship was never the same. Unfortunately, my old friend never changed as he aged; he eventually went to jail."
"I work in hospitals and have seen him show up to the emergency triage, bashed with broken bones, and just a few months ago, he randomly knocked at my door where my wife answered, he was covered in blood."
"My wife went and woke me up; he had a stab wound and refused to go to the hospital; I drove him home and haven't seen or spoken to him since.. His brother updated me and said he was fine, whatever that means."-King-Callous
When He's A Predator
"I, a 5th grader at the time, knew this chick who was in the 7th grade dating a junior in hs. The dude thought she was 16 because she was lying about her age."
"They had been f**king and sexting and all that jazz...he didn't know she was a minor. I went and told him, and they broke up, and he was pissed... yada, yada yada..."
"They became friends again after a few years. When I was in the 8th grade, she called just so he could flirt with me 🤮. I was 13 then, and he was probably around 20. I blocked her real quick."-Cancerous0713
The End Of An Era
"Inseparable all through jr and HS. We graduated in 85 so no social media but I still feel ghosted. He stopped returning my calls, I always had to initiate and when we did get together he wasn't that interested."
"I gave it a few tries but I got the message and just stopped contacting him and he never reach out to me after that. I never new why and it took almost 10 years for me to get over it and stop thinking about it every day."
"I kind of wish he would have just told me he doesn't like me anymore. I have a current best friend I met in college and we've been friends for 30+ years so it's all good."-DreamArcher
There is never a right time to say goodbye to someone you once considered a trusted friend.
"My best friends young son was killed in a four wheeler accident. I was the first responding paramedic. I had to take him from my friends arms to work on him. Knowing he was dead the all along."
"We flex the child on Lifeflight then I drove my best friend and his wife to the hospital. I knew all along he was dead but they didn't. It wasn't his fault or mine that he died in any way but I could never look my best friend in the eye again."
"All I could see was his pain. So we drifted apart. I finally got to tell him and his wife before my friend died with heart trouble."-hotandhornyinbama
Secret Mental Health Leeches
"She started being nasty to my husband when we got engaged. It was so gross. She was snarky and rude to him every time he spoke and made him feel unwelcome in our own home."
"I kind of fell out of friend love with her after watching her behave like that. My mom thinks it was jealousy or something, idk. My husband is the most fun and caring person I've ever known, I expected her to be happy for me."
"In retrospect, I realized there were a lot of other red flag issues I had been ignorant of. It's been 3 years now and I am so much mentally healthier without the drama she was churning up."-ThunderHeavyRains
When Mom Damaged Her
"Had a friend I met pre-kindergarten but had a falling out in middle school. Families knew each other and we were like sisters. But sadly, her mom was a true definition of a Tiger mom. Her mom always pushed my friend to be in all of these extracurricular activities, music lessons, tutoring, etc. Her mom was always dissatisfied; nothing was good enough."
"She wasn't the most nurturing parent. But my parents were the opposite. Especially my mom, she just wanted me to be a good person and do my best. But naturally I was a very good student."
"So my friend's mom would always compare my friend to me saying I was better than her because I was naturally gifted and didn't NEED all of that help. My friend began to resent me."
"Throughout puberty, she would call me a slut because I was physically developing, tried to imply I was ugly just to see my reaction, threatened to punch me, things I understood where they were coming from but did not think were justified as I had not done anything directly to her."
"Final straw was when she posted on Facebook that she thought I was ugly so I just cut her off completely. I pitied her for her family life but her bitterness toward me was wrong. Because through my eyes, she was my best friend and all she wanted to do was hurt me. Don't regret cutting it off"-dookieconductor
The sad truth is that people are not always meant to be close, and that some people are too mentally unhealthy to have any kind of closeness in their lives.
Until they grow up, there is not much we can do but sadly step aside and take care of ourselves.
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Certain personalities show up at almost every party like clockwork.
There's always that person who get's too drunk, someone awkwardly standing in the corner nursing a drink, the person who's not having a good time no matter what and the person babysitting the crowd they came with.
When there's alcohol—or any other substances—and the pressure of a social situation, all sorts of quirks will come out. We wanted to know what people thought their country would act like if they were a person attending a party.
Redditor amotyvukufyd asked:
"All the countries of the world are at a party. What is your country doing?"
Here are some of the best and most hilarious answers.
The United Kingdom is just leaving.
"Not before slapping the knees and saying 'right.'"
"Northern Ireland looks nervously at her sister before putting her sunglasses on and following."
"As an American from the Midwest, we do a 'welp' knee slap. Then sit/stand for another 25 minutes before leaving."
"Then talk in the porch. Then talk in the doorway. Then talk in the driveway. Then talk out the car window."
"'Yuh, I guess.'"
"'See you around, I suppose.'"
"'Yuh you bet.'"
"Buzz of the window rolling up."
Argentina is in the backyard.
"Argentina is either playing football in the backyard with Brazil or aggressively telling whoever's at the grill how to cook a steak."
"Don't forget, they're also drinking fernet and coke, or even cheap wine and juice, out of a cut off bottle even though there were enough glasses for everyone."
"While listening to El Potro Rodrigo."
"For sure we're arguing with Texans over asado."
"Texas would also totally be there despite not being a country itself."
"Texas showing up to a party where only entire nations are invited is such a Texas thing to do."
Greece is making questionable choices.
"I'm Greek so I guess a lot of sex, wine and questionable financial decisions that will ruin us the morning after."
"At least you have your club of friends who will drive you home when you pass out. My country, Argentina, will spend the night borrowing money. When they finally kick him out, he'll have to walk home, broke and alone. And it will start to rain."
Poland fighting with Russia, Belarus, and Ukraine.
"Poland. In the corner with Russia, Belarus and Ukraine, drinking vodka and fighting each other. Poland fighting Belarus and Ukraine fighting Russia."
"With some EU guys walking by with fancy drinks, dropping some concerns."
"And then Russia says 'Oh, you want some too?' And the EU guys turn and walk away."
"Then hours later writes a strongly worded comment to Russia's Facebook page. After spending 8 hours arguing over the exact wording."
Germany brings the beer.
"I'm German and I'd say Germany would complain about the taste of the beer."
"Germany should be bringing the beer. Please don't leave it to America who will bring some watery Coors Light!"
"Wouldn't they discuss politics too?"
"We so would! I was thinking about what we would do what wasn't absolutely cliché (like bringing the beer). I feel we would not only discuss politics but also rant about it. And other stuff. I feel ranting is really something we like to do. But also Germany would be drinking way too much and be completely fine the next morning..."
India is awkwardly dancing.
"India/that uncle dancing inappropriately in the middle of the dance floor."
"Not gonna lie, they got da best moves though."
"I was gonna say India would be that aunty gossiping about and judging others' outfits/looks, but this one is better."
The USA is just destroying things for fun.
"USA. Chugging beers and trying to smash a foldable table by jumping on it."
"I think the US would be like a really obnoxious frat dude that's also kinda fun. Like waaaay over the top bragging... but also did bring the weed. Then word gets around that he has a gun on him and it makes everyone uncomfortable, but he says it's just cause Russia and China are packing too."
"I figure we'd also be the one who obnoxiously insists on 'defending' every girl in the party- whether the girl wants it or not. Lots of 'do you wanna go?' energy, then trying to clean up any mess we make but just doing the absolute worst job of it while staying way, waaay too long after the party is over."
"We'd also get mad at China for stealing our famous brownie recipe even though we asked them to make it for us."
We aren't sure we want to be invited to that party.
Sounds like there's gonna be a lot of drama.
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Irrespective of men's sexual identity or preference, there are men who hate sports, and there are men who love musical theater. Do participating in either activity make men straight or gay?
"Straight men of Reddit, what is the strangest thing you have been told not to do because 'that's gay?'"
The following behavior just screams, "gay," fellas. Watch out.
"Sing a Lily Allen song during karaoke."
"Advice I received in high school from other students:" "Don't cross your legs with one knee over the other. Put one ankle over the other knee." "When carrying books, palm them and carry them at your side. Don't rest one edge of the books near your waist." "Never button the top button of your shirt."
Look, But Don't Look
"This one time, at summer camp, this guy who'd just been swimming in the lake told me you could tell how cold the water was by how hard his nipples were. 'But don't stare too long,' he said, 'because that's gay.'"
"You were the one who told me to look in the first place!"
Sandwich For Sissies
"When I was a kid, my dad called me a sissy because I cut a sandwich diagonally."
"I played the clarinet. I got called Faginet a lot."
"But that's one women do," one might argue.
"Changing my daughter's diaper. Mentioned it in the office one day. Called gay."
A Lighter Shade
"Buying a white IPhone."
"Added my husband (then boyfriend) to my phone plan. Went to the store on my own to upgrade both our phones. We both just wanted the next gen Samsung. It was only available in purplish-pink in store."
"I shrugged and said it didn't matter, he's putting a case on it anyways. Guys working at the store kept trying to talk me out of it, actively pushing me to go to another store, making them lose commission, just so my partner wouldn't have a feminine phone. He used his pink phone for 3 years."
"I've been criticized for knowing how to sew and cook. Those are essential life skills!"
"My father was a Marine drill instructor in the 50's. Guess who did all the sewing in my house growing up?"
"Yeah, no one dared to call him gay for it."
Here are examples of guidelines for being a manly man, according to manly men.
"Not a straight man but... back in my bartending days I asked a man if he wanted to see a dessert menu. He said 'if I wanted dessert I'd order wings like a real man.'"
"Weird flex but okay."
When I'm In The Mood, I Masticate
"When I'm feeling extra manly, I just take a bite out of a cow and then chew on some raw wheat."
"Like a man."
No Appointments Necessary For Straight Men
"I left a pick-up basketball game because I had an appointment to get a haircut. Evidently, the only straight way to get a haircut is as a walk in."
Abiding By The Law Is So Gay
"Using turn signals. And not as some sort of euphemism, but literally using them while driving to turn or change lanes."
In grade school, some fellow classmates asked me to check for gum on my shoe because they saw me step in some.
When I lifted my leg to take a gander, the boys were howling hysterically as if my actions confirmed something.
Well, it sure did. Apparently, if I l looked at the bottom of my shoe from in front of me, I was "normal," but since I bent my leg back and looked at the bottom of my shoe from behind, that made me "so gay."
Although, I didn't come out 'til years later, maybe those goons were onto something. Thanks for the heads up, guys.
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