Giving thoughtful gifts is hard. You really need to know your audience and be able to read the situation. You don't want it to be awkward like the time my early-70's aged uncle gifted his wife raunchy lingerie and sky-high platform heels in front of several generations of the family. Let's just say it was a mixed reaction. The elders were humiliated, the babies didn't get it, some of the other adults found it hilarious and unnerving to imagine; and then there was my mother. My mother was moved to tears by how "beautiful" it was that he still thought his wife was sexy enough to strip for him though they were in their 70's. After she was done crying she kept trying to subtly ask whether their health insurance was up to date in case she fell or he got too excited. I love my mom.
Or maybe you're not worried that your gift will be awkwardly received. Maybe you're up for a little bit of merry mischief? Maybe you're tired of that one aunt who keeps mentioning what a beautiful face you have and how pretty you could be if only you were a little bit taller or maybe just thinner. (People can't just get taller, tia! That's not a thing!) Maybe you'd like to find a way to let someone know how you really feel - in gift form!
Let this article be the gift-guide you never knew you needed. You're welcome.
Reading Is Fundamental
A book on how to fix a quality you don't like about them. Like "How not to be an idiot for dummies."
Death By Cake
My husband's uncle and aunt don't like each other so they would try to outdo each other with how garbage their gifts could be. Years of crappy dollar store gifts culminated one year when she gives him a home made Christmas cake, knowing full well he hates Christmas cake. The next year, he dealt the killing blow when he gifted it back to her. He kept a homemade cake for a full year and gave it back
That, ladies and gentlemen, is the hero we deserve.
I tip my hat to him.
Normal Clothes
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Clothes that are clearly the wrong size. Not like hideous clothes, normal clothes.
My cousin is exhausting and is constantly bragging about how men comment on her beach Instagram photos, and how flat-tummy tea has done wonders for her, etc. Last year another cousin got her a dress that was 2 sizes too big and played totally oblivious while the self-absorbed cousin tried to not have a melt down about someone thinking she's a size 8. It was passive-aggressive gold.
"Over Cinnamon French Toast"
One of the best passive aggressive gifts I've ever given was to my aunt, who we will call Elise. She's known as the diva of the family, and she lives up to it every year. Usually my grandmother makes Christmas brunch/Thanksgiving dinner depending on the occasion, and in my lifetime Elise has thrown tantrums at six of these entirely based on food choices. A couple years ago at Christmas, she was sitting at breakfast and smelled cinnamon French toast being fried in my grandmother's skillet, and the theatrics began. She hates cinnamon, and she ended leaving the house and offering to come back in a family group text under the condition that all the windows be opened and an exhaust fan be placed in the kitchen window. Over cinnamon french toast.
Last Christmas, I went to Bath and Body Works to get little gifts for everyone and I found a heavily cinnamon scented hand soap. Perfect gift. The look she gave me when she opened it was priceless.
- aub00
The Cookbook Joke
My girlfriend has a cousin who has one of the most stuck up, self important food blogs I've ever read. I'm talking paragraphs and paragraphs before the actual recipe where she talks about her day like anyone actually cares. The kicker is that she's actually pretty bad at cooking, which makes it even worse. Every year my girlfriend gives her cookbook for beginners. I don't think she's gotten the joke yet.
Just Trying To Help
My dad gets this nasty white build-up on his tongue...well for one XMAS I thought it would be funny to gift him a Tongue Scraper. He wasn't very happy or amused by it, and threatened to beat the sh!t out of me in front the rest of the family. 10/10 would gift again. My brother thought it was hilarious ¯\ (ツ)/¯
Severing Ties
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My mum's step mother bought my mum a cheap carving knife one year. Not a set. Just one single cheap knife. My mum had to sit there with her knife while her half sisters unwrapped new phones and expensive jewelry. I don't even know if it was passive it was kinda just aggressive.
Interesting, because some superstitions say that gifting someone knives will "sever the relationship" between the giver and recipient. My mother tells the story of her mother in law demanding a penny from her on her wedding day so she could give her the knife set my parents wanted in good conscience. I'd definitely say your Aunt was being aggressive...
The Tacky Home Decor Method
Don't get a bad gift card because it will reflect more poorly on you in front of your family. Get a tacky large painting or vase and then when you see them next, ask to see where they displayed it.
With tacky home décor, you can talk about how you thought of them when you saw it and how good the quality is. That way you come across as being thoughtful and they can't really bitch to the rest of the family about how bad it is without seeming ungrateful.
Don't Punish The Kid
Exactly. The perfect passive aggressive gift for a small kid is a cheapass RC helicopter. It-
•Chews up batteries like nothing else (if you get a really cheap sort. More expensive ones have boring rechargeable batteries)
•Annoys the parents, cos that thing is going to be flying into walls all around the house and beyond.
•Will make the kid happy, so you don't punish the kid for having an ahole for a parent.
The Donation
I had a proud Daughter of the Confederacy for a step-grandmother for quite some time.
Every Christmas, she'd give my step-brothers and step-sisters gifts worth many hundreds of dollars each: dirtbikes, ball gowns, belaying equipment for rock climbing. And each Christmas, she'd give me a card with $5 inside.
Every year, I donated her $5 to the NAACP in her name.
Every year, they sent her a little thank you card.
The Big Gift
We used to have Christmas with my mom's side on Christmas Eve. For a couple years in a row my aunt would use this opportunity to give me a "big" gift before my parents could. My first "expensive" computer game (the Sims) and even my first cellphone. I don't know if she ever actually cleared this with my parents, but we didn't see them for Christmas much longer after that happened a couple years in a row. Since I was a kid at the time I didn't pay attention to their interaction and was just excited for gifts. Now that I'm an adult I realize my aunt was using me to be shady.
Handwritten
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I once received handwritten COOKING tips from an in-law for Christmas. It was hand presented to me by another, obviously uncomfortable in-law. Really had to keep my face neutral for that one. These tips literally included things like, "Measuring when cooking is science, not art!"
No, the gifter was not old - she was in her 20's. That was next level passive aggressive.
Thighs
My creepy uncle gave me those thigh reduction wraps that don't work.
I was fucking pissed. I was young and not a big girl.
What an asshole. I got my revenge last year when I had to drive him to his brother's funeral. "When's your turn?" is exactly what I said when he got in my car.
The Stamp
My mother in law is an insufferable b*tch.
I "forgot" to put her Christmas card in the envelope this year.
Worth the stamp.
Testing
My mother once gifted me an entire setup for diabetes testing. I put on a few lbs that year. So probably that.
A Lemon
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This year, my grandmother followed the old tradition to give an orange for Christmas.... except that she's really cheap, so she used clementines, and she only had 3 left in her fridge, so I received a lemon instead.
Tablecloth
My grandma, who lives with me and my family, gifted me a tablecloth last year. I don't own a table.
What's the best passive-aggressive gift you can think of?
I once had a guy ask me if I was willing to follow him into the woods, depending on the price of the meal.
Yeah. No steak is worth that.
Plans After...
Wait What Wtf GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy"Thanks for the ride but I have a date with someone else, I figured you wouldn't drive me if you knew I was going on a date with someone else and I really needed a ride."
"Online dating, talked to her for a while, finally got the courage to ask her out and then she said that as we got there."
iareyours
Mirror Image
“'You look just like my wife!'”
catalinachild
"I did have a guy tell me I reminded him of his son. I don’t believe English has a word to adequately describe my feelings at that time."
UnicornMagicRainbow
"That would definitely do it."
chaotica78
Third Wheel
"'Hope you don't mind if my mother joins us.'"
ofsquire
"Actually had a girl do this on a first date because she had anxiety issues. Honestly wasn’t bad except that 90% of the time she was silent and her mom talked over her."
"I didn’t mind that much and wouldn’t have minded trying again when she was more comfortable except that she was let go at the company we worked at and she deleted her social media profiles and she never responded on her number. Ah well."
Seightx
Liar
Lying Simon Rex GIF by Simon Rex / Dirt NastyGiphy"'Hey bro aren't you gay? I made out with you last night.'"
"Random dude I've never seen before in front of my (f) date."
JHXC16
Was he lying though?
Filter Issues
"'You looked better on Tinder.'"
waqasnaseem07
"Isn’t it basic knowledge that everybody looks slightly worse than the worst picture you can find?"
no_user_ID_found
The Past
"'My ex used to do that too.'"
xxIvyOF
"Yep. I’ve definitely had two otherwise-decent-guy date-situations sour because the ex-comparisons just would not stop flowing. No woman wants to be seen as interchangeable—I’m not here to perfectly fill that ex-sized hole in your life. Focusing on the present moment and a future we could build together is a courtesy we need to grant each other in earliest dates of dating."
LarkScarlett
Powerless
"'I'm an alpha, you cant handle my top energy.'"
Midnightgay28
"I actually left a dude in the middle of dinner, in part, for saying this. I ordered an Uber under the table while pretending to listen to him. Went to the bathroom, and never came back. That was when I was young. Now I’d just say, 'How about we enjoy this meal in silence, before we head our separate ways.'”
UnicornMagicRainbow
Mommy...
"'Mother says I should be back by 9.'"
"Saying 'mother says' just feels weird."
bunnyrut
"That gives me Norman Bates vibes."
Werewolf_lover20
"'Mother says alligators are aggressive because they have an overabundance of teeth, but lack a toothbrush.'"
sodaextraiceplease
Obvs...
just kidding jk GIFGiphy"'If you were going to be murdered, what method would you prefer. Purely hypothetical. Obvs.'"
Specific_Tap7296
If it looks anything like a Dateline NBC episode... RUN!
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Or so you would think.
Do people still knit to pass the time? Are people actively collecting stamps?
It depends on who's asking.
Curious to hear about hobby trends, Redditor gizehgizeh asked:
"What are once popular hobbies that are slowly dying these days?"
Before we've become conditioned to living on our phones, these activities used to keep people occupied.
Before Texting, There Was This
"Letter writing."
– littlekingMT
Literal And Tangible Joy
"Well the internet killed pen pals for sure. I do remember I had a Japanese girl for a penpal maybe back in 2007 or so. I honestly don't remember how it started, pretty sure some website, but that was a fun experience. But now I can just straight up talk to foreign people real time, lol. But yea getting a physical letter that someone took the time to write and mail still is hard to beat feelings wise."
– skyburnsred
Model Trains
"When I was growing up, every town had a model train store in it. Now I have one in region and everything else has to be bought online."
– Hairy_Effective1172
Pretty Rocks
"Don’t see anyone playing marbles anymore, I had an awesome collection in school."
– sheeple85
"I had some marbles as a kid in the 90s. My grandma got them for me and I had no idea what I was supposed to do with them. I always imagined them as a thing kids in the 40s played with."
– Ryoukugan
People Were Moving Canvases
"Paintball has been dying a slow death since 2006. Sad, really."
– hobo_recycler
Before the general population began hating clutter, collecting was once a "thing."
Precious Coins
"Coin collecting... I'm a silver/gold nut and I'm always hunting for precious metal coins. whenever I go into a shop they get all excited because 'no one under 70 collects coins anymore.'"
– ThatFishySmell99
Post It
"Stamp collecting."
– spooky_scully_mulder
"Collecting in general, really. Of course there are still prominent collectors but it's slipped more into enthusiast and niche territory than being a popular hobby that you might expect anyone to have."
– iuytrefdgh436yujhe2
What A Gem
"Rockhounding was immensely popular back in the 1950's and 1960's. Personally, I think it's a fascinating and fulfilling hobby, but when I go to a meeting at a rock and gem club, I'm usually the youngest one in the room by several decades."
– filthy_lucre
People once enjoyed making things.
Admiring The View
"Stained glass. I learned how to make it from my old man, and my junior high art class teacher also taught it. Very few artisans are still around."
– brobeanzhitler
Metal Vocation
"Black smithing."
– kenworth117
"I bought a forge to try. It’s insanely hard work, and crazy expensive. I still haven’t finished a piece."
– DSentvalue
Scrapbooking
"Yeah. I'm watching the arts and crafts stores around me completely uninstalling their racks for specialty paper. Now the only thing they have is mega packs of repeating colors/images. To boot all the inclusions like papercraft/die-cut things, washi tape, scissors, stickers, etc have gotten so expensive I would rather go buy $5 bags at value village to get an assortment of things versus buying anything new. I really, really miss yard sales for the same reasons."
– Phantasmai
I envy people who have jobs that are basically their hobbies.
Not everyone gets paid doing what they actually enjoy and have a profound level of passion for.
If they do, kudos to them.
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While the process could take time, some people make our jobs much easier after spotting instant red flags.
Curious to hear about our general radar of people, Redditor xxFluffie asked:
"What is something that makes you immediately dislike someone?"
Some people just think they are absolutely hilarious and never realize they're the only ones laughing.
Next In Line
"They laugh about having screwed someone else over. If you think you're not next, well, you'll learn."
– whiznat
Unfunny
"when you mention you don't like a thing and they immediately do that thing 'as a joke.'"
– wayfinder
Playing Devil's Advocate
"Kneejerk contrarians. People who, no matter what you say you like or believe, just have to dismiss it and say they like or think the opposite."
– BubbhaJebus
People who put others down get slammed here.
Bad Parents
"When they treat their kids sh**ty in public. I don't mean handling tantrums, setting a rule, having to hurry to the train etc. I mean perfectly normal-behaved kids getting in trouble for trailing along peacefully, looking at things, asking questions etc."
"If you don't like tiny humans who learn the world, why have them??"
– raxeira-etterath
Public Humiliation
"Treating people sh**ty in public for laughs. Like being rude to service workers because they think it’s funny. Big red flag."
– Ok_Personality_1080
Simply Uncalled For
"Someone who is a d*ck to other people or animals for no reason."
– xebt1000
Those with ulterior motives rubs people the wrong way.
The Scheme
"If they try to get me to join their MLM scheme."
– spazmcgee1
Hard Sell
"A guy I used to be friends with in high school reached out a couple of years after graduating about a business opportunity he wanted my opinion on because 'you've always been smart', then he set up a Skype call and brought some other dude into the call and they started trying to sell me on what was clearly an MLM scheme. The guy went from friend to 'I'm never talking to you again' in a matter of 10 minutes."
– Mental-Afternoon-164
A Timeline
"Good gawd, this! I've had more than one exposure to this abject bullsh**tery..."
- Back in the late 80's/early 90's I was invited to a meeting of literally the OG "Pyramid" where you're recruited to pay in, and then you go out and recruit others to pay in, and the last in line got f'kall.
- In 1995 I had a coworker try to reel me into Amway, which was a hard no.
- In 2000 it was Pampered Chef, though to be fair they did have useful products.
- In 2009 a coworker tried to get me into some stupid video calling service that was obviously stupid from the description. He even got offended when I called bullsh*t.
– Mystical_Cat
Too much ego is a no-go.
I Can Do Better
"Being a b*tch just to stroke their own ego."
"We get it, you can lift 5lbs more than the 12 year old, you don't have to rub it in their face just because you're slightly better"
– Livia_Pivia
Can't Top This
"Oh, you did <story that's been told>? That's nothing! I did <implausible story>.
"I get the whole empathy through relating common experience, and I'm someone who does that (which drives some people crazy on its own), but there's a big different by empathising through common experience, and one-upmanship."
– Tisarwat
Lacking Conversational Etiquette
"Starting to talk over me when I was already talking."
"Stop it you rude, arrogant jerk."
– R33Gtst
If one or more of these traits sound familiar to you, you're not alone.
We don't have time for braggadocios, pyramid-schemers, and conversation interrupters.
And that's just for starters.
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Pleading to deaf ears...
"My dad told me he had hearing loss and couldn't hear me if I whined because my pitch would get too high."
"Would completely ignore me until I asked him questions in a normal voice."
"Trusted him implicitly until I was 12 and he yelled at my younger brother for whining."- Tyrion_Stark.
Get it while you can.
"That they took everything off the shelves when the supermarket closed."- fgyfddg.
venezuela empty shelves GIF by euronewsGiphySilly superstitions.
"My grandfather used to tell me that if I played with the fire, I'd pee the bed."
"I believed him for a while, until I got older."
"I think he was just trying to protect me from the fire."- teddypa1981.
"Rain, rain go away..."
"That if it was raining where I was, it was raining everywhere in the world."- morningshartz.
Age is just a number.
"My parents used to seem really old to me, so much so I believed they grew up like cave people as children, wearing giant leaves for clothes and what not."- Laleena_.
Hammer Floor GIF by VPROGiphySo that's how they're made!
"That smokestacks from the power plant created clouds."- Scaniarix.
An instant cure.
"The sun gives you sunburns, therefore, moonlight should heal them."- velocipeter.
Better safe than sorry.
"Don't drink and drive meant all drinks."
"My dad was super confused when I told him he wasn't allowed to have any soda until we got home."- hulagirlslovetoparty.
Don't believe everything you see on TV.
"There was an episode of Mickey Mouse where Mickey couldn’t reach something at first, so he tried again and somehow his arm was long enough to reach it."
"As a small kid I believed that if I couldn’t reach something, I should just try reaching for it again and my arm would then somehow be long enough to reach it."- That-Dutch-Person.
love him one piece GIFGiphyThe miracle of childbirth.
"That babies are pooped out."
"When I was like 7 I was listening to my aunt as she explained that childbirth was pretty intense and painful for her, and I was all solemnly like, 'yeah, sometimes just my poops are painful, I don’t think I could get a baby out' and she went 'um, WHAT?' and her reaction made me realize real quick that I had f*cked up somewhere and I tried to change the subject while my mind was just reeling lol."- thesoundingfurrows.
Oh to be a child again.
And to believe literally everything you're told.
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