Giving thoughtful gifts is hard. You really need to know your audience and be able to read the situation. You don't want it to be awkward like the time my early-70's aged uncle gifted his wife raunchy lingerie and sky-high platform heels in front of several generations of the family. Let's just say it was a mixed reaction. The elders were humiliated, the babies didn't get it, some of the other adults found it hilarious and unnerving to imagine; and then there was my mother. My mother was moved to tears by how "beautiful" it was that he still thought his wife was sexy enough to strip for him though they were in their 70's. After she was done crying she kept trying to subtly ask whether their health insurance was up to date in case she fell or he got too excited. I love my mom.
Or maybe you're not worried that your gift will be awkwardly received. Maybe you're up for a little bit of merry mischief? Maybe you're tired of that one aunt who keeps mentioning what a beautiful face you have and how pretty you could be if only you were a little bit taller or maybe just thinner. (People can't just get taller, tia! That's not a thing!) Maybe you'd like to find a way to let someone know how you really feel - in gift form!
Let this article be the gift-guide you never knew you needed. You're welcome.
Reading Is Fundamental
A book on how to fix a quality you don't like about them. Like "How not to be an idiot for dummies."
Death By Cake
My husband's uncle and aunt don't like each other so they would try to outdo each other with how garbage their gifts could be. Years of crappy dollar store gifts culminated one year when she gives him a home made Christmas cake, knowing full well he hates Christmas cake. The next year, he dealt the killing blow when he gifted it back to her. He kept a homemade cake for a full year and gave it back
That, ladies and gentlemen, is the hero we deserve.
I tip my hat to him.
Normal Clothes
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Clothes that are clearly the wrong size. Not like hideous clothes, normal clothes.
My cousin is exhausting and is constantly bragging about how men comment on her beach Instagram photos, and how flat-tummy tea has done wonders for her, etc. Last year another cousin got her a dress that was 2 sizes too big and played totally oblivious while the self-absorbed cousin tried to not have a melt down about someone thinking she's a size 8. It was passive-aggressive gold.
"Over Cinnamon French Toast"
One of the best passive aggressive gifts I've ever given was to my aunt, who we will call Elise. She's known as the diva of the family, and she lives up to it every year. Usually my grandmother makes Christmas brunch/Thanksgiving dinner depending on the occasion, and in my lifetime Elise has thrown tantrums at six of these entirely based on food choices. A couple years ago at Christmas, she was sitting at breakfast and smelled cinnamon French toast being fried in my grandmother's skillet, and the theatrics began. She hates cinnamon, and she ended leaving the house and offering to come back in a family group text under the condition that all the windows be opened and an exhaust fan be placed in the kitchen window. Over cinnamon french toast.
Last Christmas, I went to Bath and Body Works to get little gifts for everyone and I found a heavily cinnamon scented hand soap. Perfect gift. The look she gave me when she opened it was priceless.
- aub00
The Cookbook Joke
My girlfriend has a cousin who has one of the most stuck up, self important food blogs I've ever read. I'm talking paragraphs and paragraphs before the actual recipe where she talks about her day like anyone actually cares. The kicker is that she's actually pretty bad at cooking, which makes it even worse. Every year my girlfriend gives her cookbook for beginners. I don't think she's gotten the joke yet.
Just Trying To Help
My dad gets this nasty white build-up on his tongue...well for one XMAS I thought it would be funny to gift him a Tongue Scraper. He wasn't very happy or amused by it, and threatened to beat the sh!t out of me in front the rest of the family. 10/10 would gift again. My brother thought it was hilarious ¯\ (ツ)/¯
Severing Ties
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My mum's step mother bought my mum a cheap carving knife one year. Not a set. Just one single cheap knife. My mum had to sit there with her knife while her half sisters unwrapped new phones and expensive jewelry. I don't even know if it was passive it was kinda just aggressive.
Interesting, because some superstitions say that gifting someone knives will "sever the relationship" between the giver and recipient. My mother tells the story of her mother in law demanding a penny from her on her wedding day so she could give her the knife set my parents wanted in good conscience. I'd definitely say your Aunt was being aggressive...
The Tacky Home Decor Method
Don't get a bad gift card because it will reflect more poorly on you in front of your family. Get a tacky large painting or vase and then when you see them next, ask to see where they displayed it.
With tacky home décor, you can talk about how you thought of them when you saw it and how good the quality is. That way you come across as being thoughtful and they can't really bitch to the rest of the family about how bad it is without seeming ungrateful.
Don't Punish The Kid
Exactly. The perfect passive aggressive gift for a small kid is a cheapass RC helicopter. It-
•Chews up batteries like nothing else (if you get a really cheap sort. More expensive ones have boring rechargeable batteries)
•Annoys the parents, cos that thing is going to be flying into walls all around the house and beyond.
•Will make the kid happy, so you don't punish the kid for having an ahole for a parent.
The Donation
I had a proud Daughter of the Confederacy for a step-grandmother for quite some time.
Every Christmas, she'd give my step-brothers and step-sisters gifts worth many hundreds of dollars each: dirtbikes, ball gowns, belaying equipment for rock climbing. And each Christmas, she'd give me a card with $5 inside.
Every year, I donated her $5 to the NAACP in her name.
Every year, they sent her a little thank you card.
The Big Gift
We used to have Christmas with my mom's side on Christmas Eve. For a couple years in a row my aunt would use this opportunity to give me a "big" gift before my parents could. My first "expensive" computer game (the Sims) and even my first cellphone. I don't know if she ever actually cleared this with my parents, but we didn't see them for Christmas much longer after that happened a couple years in a row. Since I was a kid at the time I didn't pay attention to their interaction and was just excited for gifts. Now that I'm an adult I realize my aunt was using me to be shady.
Handwritten
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I once received handwritten COOKING tips from an in-law for Christmas. It was hand presented to me by another, obviously uncomfortable in-law. Really had to keep my face neutral for that one. These tips literally included things like, "Measuring when cooking is science, not art!"
No, the gifter was not old - she was in her 20's. That was next level passive aggressive.
Thighs
My creepy uncle gave me those thigh reduction wraps that don't work.
I was fucking pissed. I was young and not a big girl.
What an asshole. I got my revenge last year when I had to drive him to his brother's funeral. "When's your turn?" is exactly what I said when he got in my car.
The Stamp
My mother in law is an insufferable b*tch.
I "forgot" to put her Christmas card in the envelope this year.
Worth the stamp.
Testing
My mother once gifted me an entire setup for diabetes testing. I put on a few lbs that year. So probably that.
A Lemon
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This year, my grandmother followed the old tradition to give an orange for Christmas.... except that she's really cheap, so she used clementines, and she only had 3 left in her fridge, so I received a lemon instead.
Tablecloth
My grandma, who lives with me and my family, gifted me a tablecloth last year. I don't own a table.
What's the best passive-aggressive gift you can think of?
But on occasion, some people in relationships go off in pursuit of one-sided pleasures in secret for various reasons.
These can range from going out to a vegan restaurant when the other person is a carnivore to seeing a Netflix show that is too violent for a squeamish significant other.
Because not every significant other may not share the same passion, Redditors TheTinRam asked:
"What’s a guilty pleasure you hide from your significant other?"
These Redditors needed some "me time."
Dad Time
"Everytime I go on a late night grocery run (once or twice a month) because I work nights, and my wife forgot to grab whatever, I add a $0.70 Mexican soda to the cart. It is just for me. It is something my dad used to get me on especially long days when I was a kid 'helping' him on jobsites. It is my tiny reminder of him."
– thecountnotthesaint
Story For No One
"I write stories for years now, some of the times she thinks I'm working on the computer but I'm actually writing a story. There is nothing to hide but I just keep it to myself, none of my family members know I write stories. Till today I have written 56 stories (most of them are short)."
– SuvenPan
In The Wee Small Hours Of The Morning
"Staying up late for peace and quiet."
– Blue_OG_46
Chatting For One
"I talk to myself all the time, I was actually wondering last night if it was a really weird thing to do lol"
– hottytoddy_sko
Naked And Sacred
"I will cruise the house butt naked and just do whatever the hell I want. About once a month. I won’t be able to this summer because the kids will be back in school, but come August, I’ll be naked and free again!"
– batchofbetterbutter
Some people need to get out of the house.
Self Therapy
"Sometimes I take the long way home and talk to myself in the car about my 'problems' - like Self Therapy. I put one earbud in so ppl think I could be on the phone."
"I get quite animated. It helps to get a stressful day out of my system before I get home and switch gears."
– Humble-Plankton2217
Solo Slice
"My husband has gluten sensitivity. If he eats regular pizza, his stomach hurts for a couple of days after."
"Well, I don't, so sometimes I say I'm going for a run, and I do run.... to the pizza store, eat a slice, and run back."
– sohumsahm
Catching Up With The Boys
"Covid has messed it up for a bit now. But every 3 or so months the boys and I all get up like we are going to work at our respective jobs but instead all call in sick and meet for breakfast, then go back to our one buddies place for the day to hangout. Around 4 or 5 one by one we all head home for our normal arrival time."
"It's literally the only way for us all to get together reliably. Most of us have known each other for the better part of 30 years now, going way back to junior kindergarten for some."
"Twice I have let her know my plan for the day and twice I have gotten phone calls to come home early for what ever not some emergency. So now we do it secretly."
– foh242
Some of the things people do behind their SO's backs is for endearing reasons.
Smooch Ploy
"I don’t know if this is a guilty pleasure necessarily but I pretend to be asleep when he comes home from work because he always kisses me on the forehead."
– str8outofabook
Catching Zzzs
"I love when she snores."
"She complains (only lightly) about my snoring all the time, and I always feel awful that I make it tricky for her to get a good night's sleep. When she's snoring, I know she's actually going to rest well, and it makes me happy."
– ricdesi
Scent Of A Man
"Smelling his clothes. Not creepily, like his boxers. But when he lets me borrow a shirt or a sweater I’ll put it on and just revel in the smell of him on his clothes. If I recall correctly, it definitely wasn’t like this when we first started dating. It’s been over two years now and I only remember doing this around the 7 month mark. He smells really, really good."
– he-whoeatsbugs
The Forever Admirer
"I have a whole album of 'unflattering' pictures of her. Not really something I hide, but they make me happy. She’s so silly yet so beautiful."
– Dewahll
They say that a couple that plays together, stays together.
That's all well and good. However, a significant other having some alone time should never be stigmatized.
My husband and I usually watch every TV show together, but I watch Netflix's Ozark by myself because I enjoy intense dramas, immensely.
It's not a secret. And he's glad I watch the shows that I want to watch on my own time–just like I encourage him to watch all those UFO documentaries that he's obsessed with, by himself.
No really, watch them without me.
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That's starting to get old.
"I bet you use that line a lot."- michaelochurch.
Right back atcha!
"WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?"
"I AM!"- itskavia.
Who Am I GIFYou tell me.
"No, who do you think you are?"- Random_puns.
I'll have to ask someone else.
“'Hey Brian, I’ve got a guy here who doesn’t know who he is!'"
"'Do you know who he might be?'”- llovejoy1234.
customer service call center GIFGiphyI'll take a guess
"Ronnie Pickering."- Shadow_0852.
I'm getting a sense...
"I know who you think you are."- automoth.
I'll help you figure it out.
"My husband was working in construction."
"A guy came onto the job site giving the workers a hard time about something or other."
"When he started yelling at my husband for whatever, my husband basically ignored him."
"The guy goes, 'do you know who I am?'”
"My husband yelled across the site to his foreman, 'Joe! Call an ambulance, this guy doesn’t know who he is!'”- Littlepaintbrush0814.
Gotcha!
"Yes, and I've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty."- ShadyMyLady.
Rightfully put in their place.
"There is the old joke about the British Prime Minister eating out during the war time and asking for extra butter with his bread, the waiter refused to which the PM, rather annoyed, asked "'do you know who I am?'"
"To which the waiter replied, 'yes, I do, but rather importantly you have forgot who I am, I am the man who responsible for the rations of the butter'."- ScholarImpossible121
GiphyOf course, when people do dare to ask "do you know who I am", they never realize that the people they ask this immediately discover the answer.
Which is someone absolutely no one wants to be around.
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Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again.
But if there's one thing cinephiles roll their eyes at while watching a movie, it's the predictable plot twist or a typical scenario often depicted in films that lack imagination.
Curious to hear examples, Redditor cnukles1 asked:
"What's a movie trope you are sick and tired of?"
Hollywood tends to glorify and dramatize violence almost comically.
Brief Inconvenience
"When someone is stabbed/shot, limps around in pain for 30 seconds, then continues on as if nothing happened."
– FioreFalinesti
Instant Death
"On the flipside, it drives me nuts when bad guys get shot in the torso and drop dead immediately. They'd realistically have at least a few seconds if not minutes of consciousness."
– itguy1991
Smooth Recovery
"People being knocked out for hours and no brain damage."
– TankApprehensive3571
That doesn't happen in real life.
Atypical Casting
"The broke 'Single Mom' who looks like she could model for Victoria's Secret. On the flip side, male gangsters, drug dealers or prisoners who look like they could win a state bodybuilding championship."
– Johhnymaddog316
Unnecessary Extravagance
"Or same broke single mom with an awesome house and perfect clothes/hair. Can't they ever just dress like normal people and living in normal homes?"
– Expensive_Structure2
Disarming Explosives
"Bombs with helpful color-coded wires."
– SuvenPan
Inconvenient Birth
"There's a pregnant woman and she goes into labor right at the worst possible time. For drama of course."
– RogueKatt
When actions depicted on the screen are not plausible.
The Struggle Is Real
"Just once I'd like to see somebody struggle to find parking in Los Angeles."
– stupidlyugly
The Structure Of Romance
"You're a jerk and I have no interest in you despite the fact that you are incredibly handsome, charming, and funny. We have to work together to save the world but make no mistake about it, I can't stand you. Let's just get this over with so I never have to see you again."
"Whoops, we f'ked. I guess we're in love now."
– DickySchmidt33
Love Connections
"Every disaster movie, the love interest always works at a hospital."
– Terrible-Ad-4879
Let's Communicate Better
"When a simple conversation could have entirely solved the central conflict of the movie."
– Katarassein
If everything happened on screen the way it does in real life, would it diminish your moviegoing experience?
Some people just like watching characters make believable choices. But if that's the case, you may as well go outside and film your own movie.
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