People Reveal The Moment In Their Lives Where Everything Really Changed
[rebelmouse-image 18355060 is_animated_gif=Life has ebbs and flows. The roller coaster doesn't stop for any of us--but for some of us, it significantly changes. A significant life event can alter the course of our personal growth and maturity. We might not even know who we were at one point, before that thing. It defines us.
SaviorNegan, looking to gather more intel on what that event might be for people, asked:
What moment created the divide between your "B.C." and "A.D." parts in your life?
Here were some of the answers.
A Hurricane Of Events
[rebelmouse-image 18355061 is_animated_gif=i'm from New Orleans, so everything is Before Katrina or After Katrina.
Quality Down
[rebelmouse-image 18355062 is_animated_gif=Having a femoral osteotomy. I went from being able to walk (albeit painfully), drive, do normal things. Had the surgery solely to improve my quality of life but it did the exact opposite. Something went wrong with my nerves and 15 months later, I'm left in constant agony. I can't walk, drive, do basic functions like bend my knee etc. It's the worst decision I've ever made.
Grief Shapes Us
[rebelmouse-image 18355063 is_animated_gif=Before mom died and after mom died. I was 18. It really shapes your life when you're forced to be on your own so young and face such an emotional roller coaster that never ends.
Before China
[rebelmouse-image 18355065 is_animated_gif=I came to China 12 years ago on holiday and am still here, so that's my B.C.
It would be perfect if I were from Denmark.
A New World
[rebelmouse-image 18355066 is_animated_gif=So this is super embarrassing as it was 10 years ago, but before and after my long time girlfriend in high school. This happened right around graduation - I really had no direction in life until she left me (rightly so) and I realized I need to put some effort into myself if I wanted to get anywhere. My thought process and actions seemed to do a complete 180 around that time.
I still don't know if this is a healthy thought process however, and am debating talking to a counselor about this.
Dividing Day
[rebelmouse-image 18354016 is_animated_gif=My sister dying.
Before, my family were close and happy and talked to each other all the time.
20 years on, we're still a fractured mess.
Carpe Diem
[rebelmouse-image 18355067 is_animated_gif=Going through cancer, without question. I'm one of the lucky ones though - my cancer was the very treatable kind, I'm fine now, and about a thousand times more motivated than I was before cancer. Facing mortality really shifted my perspective.
No Time
[rebelmouse-image 18355069 is_animated_gif=Not my daughter's birth, but her diagnosis of a brain tumor two month later. There was no preparation or warning, just BAM baby cancer. She survived the surgeries and treatment and is doing well several years later, but I will never be the same.
The Things We Do For Others
[rebelmouse-image 18355070 is_animated_gif=An 80 year old customer that came in to my place of work. He has no idea his impact.
I was in an emotionally abusive relationship at the time. A bit of backstory: my now ex would get irate if he heard I talked with my male coworkers even about work/training. I wasn't allowed to see my friends and the one time I forced it he texted/called the whole time.
This older gentleman came in just beaming and high on life. He joked and chatted with me and was genuinely the happiest person I've ever encountered. Mid-conversation his wife pops her head in the office door and cheerily mentions that she ran in to her old friend and they were going to have coffee. Somehow he seemed even happier than he previously was and told his wife how marvellous it was that they bumped in to each other, to say hi to the friend, and to take their time.
At that moment I realized I'd never have that if something didn't change. It's been the hardest two years of my life but I got out of that relationship. I had to/chose to move 3000kms to get away from the stalking and the fear but its done and I'm slowly getting myself back. That man saved me from a terrible life and I can't even thank him.
Some New Ideas
[rebelmouse-image 18355071 is_animated_gif=A.D for me is After Divorce. Got married too young, divorced at 26, basically had to rebuild my life. Now very happy :-)
A Change In Me
[rebelmouse-image 18355072 is_animated_gif=I was going to be a fighter pilot in the US Navy. I was very disciplined, attended Civil Air Patrol, applied myself to school, competed at the national level in both swimming and martial arts, went for the whole congressional sponsorship to the military academies, the works. One day right before graduating high school, I was doing a "rowing" motion with those rubber workout bands, and it rolled off the toe of my shoe snapped me in the face. Turns out my retina came partially detached, it caused swelling and bleeding inside my eye, and permanent damage to my optic nerve. The injury disqualified me From any sort of flight program and my life's dream.
Now I'm an artist. Mostly video and cinematography.
I'm really happy with how my life turned out. I love doing what I do. I never would have met my beautiful wife, never would have got the amazing job I have, or met the amazing people in my life. For those who wanted to be a pilot but weren't able, I highly suggest getting into flying drones. It's a huge part of my life as a cinematographer and it's filled a part of my life that I thought I was going to miss out on.
Commitment Appreciation
[rebelmouse-image 18350607 is_animated_gif=My second marriage, but I honestly feel like I'm in my "3rd age" now. We've been married for almost 15 years, but it's only been the last 5 or so that I realized what I really have. I've always appreciated, loved and cared for her, but it's a whole new level now. I had always engaged in joking around about the ball and chain and was generally a lot more negative when speaking about my marriage around friends. The 3rd age began one day when a coworker told me how his marriage changed his life for the better and for some reason it was like a slap in the face. Now I tell anyone who'll listen how wonderful my wife is. I probably overdo it sometimes, but it has honestly made me appreciate her more and more. It's a simple change of mindset, but it has been profound for me.
The New Longing
[rebelmouse-image 18355073 is_animated_gif=The time I realized I should stop sitting silently in the corner and get a social life.
Unimaginable
[rebelmouse-image 18355074 is_animated_gif=Before quitting hard drugs and after.
The Health Changement
[rebelmouse-image 18355075 is_animated_gif=Before weight loss. After weight loss.
The difference in quality of life after losing 100lb is almost indescribable.
Children Will Listen
[rebelmouse-image 18355076 is_animated_gif=Adopting my daughter.
I was a little older than most folks at 35. If you are looking for some kind of personal "Aha" moment, it didn't happen for a few months after we returned from China with our daughter. When we first got our daughter, it was more of a "Holy sh-t, what do I do now?" type of reaction. And that held for...well I'll let you know.
(*Pro-Tip on Parenting - It gets easier when you realize that no parents know what the f-ck they are doing. Do your best and try not to be a shitty person. What works in life works for parenting. Go figure.)
Ok so where was my watershed moment? I remember it vividly. I was driving and my daughter was in her carseat in the back. It had been a few months because I had finally gotten past the "I better check on her every few minutes because she might die on me and my wife will be super pissed" stage. I was in line to join a highway. My lane is single and due to the number of cars there is a long line that is moving semi slowly. Of course there is a way to move ahead of the line and make an illegal turn so you can bypass about 20 cars to still wait in line. Of course when I am getting onto the onramp, this is just what some a--hole decides to do. And of course he doesn't merge into the traffic, he just guns it and swerves onto the shoulder to jump in front of me. (Disclaimer - I may have a tiny bit of a problem with road rage.) This makes me see red and I gun it to catch up with the prick. So I do the same thing. I gun it and swerve around him onto the highway flipping him off. So here I am going 85mph down a highway on ramp swerving around a car because I am just raging. I look in my rearview mirror to see what a--hole is going to do and what do I see? My daughter just sitting there in her car seat all smiling and unaware just how much danger her father put her in because of his temper.
MOMENT OF CLARITY - I can still feel the same emotions that hit me at the time. Mostly a "what are you doing?" feeling. My daughter needed me to be better. She is totally dependent on me. I can't act like the same a--hole that I have been.
That's my AD moment. Don't get me wrong. I still rage in my car and in my head as my daughter can attest to. But I now limit myself to just cursing other drivers under my breath. I realized that my actions now directly affect another person who is entirely dependent on me to make good decisions. That was a heavy feeling. I'm glad it happened and that nothing worse did to make me realize I needed to change.
A Bad Weld
[rebelmouse-image 18355077 is_animated_gif=14 February 1998.
A Saturday. I was at work, voluntarily getting more overtime at the local shipyard.
The work day had just started, and I was working on my first project, fitting a small bulkhead to a deck plate. I was just an apprentice fitter, and was working with a 1st classer, with 15 years of experience.
He was using the crane to place several bulkheads, and bracing them off with a single piece of steel, and I was to come along behind as he did that, and fitting them to their correct places, and do partial welding to hold them in place, so the actual welders could come and "do it up right."
Except, I didn't check the brace's welds before starting to work, and it was a bad weld.
It broke, and 650 pounds of steel went from vertical, to horizontal. Right on top of me.
Broke my pelvis into 3 separate pieces, as well as a hairline fracture of my L2 vertebra in my back.
I never lost consciousness. I can remember -EVERYTHING- from the bulkhead shifting, while I was looking at the chalkline that it was supposed to be on, then shifting AGAIN, and then noticing it tilting towards me.
I remember instinctively putting my arms up to try to stop it. Yeah. That worked. NOT.
I remember just curling into a ball when I gave up trying to stop it.
I remember the pain of the impact just shooting through every inch of my body, like lightning.
I remember telling a coworker that if he tried to lift it off me, and dropped it again, that I was going to "beat the f-ck out of you when I get up! get the f-cking crane you idiot!"
I remember telling the paramedics that if they cut my brand new Wolverine work boots, that I was gonna kick their a--es.
Adrenaline is a hell of a thing.
I spent a month in the hospital, pretty much in the bed. I lost 50-ish pounds in that bed. I was a well-built 195 pound 6 foot tall man when I got hurt. I was a 140 pound weakling once I was able to move on my own again.
The orthopedic I was seeing recommended six months of bed rest.
I spent 2-3 weeks in a wheelchair, and then another week or so needing a walker to get around.
April 28th is the day I took my first steps WITHOUT a walker.
Six months bed rest, MY A--!
That was a life-changer. My life was never the same, since.
I've had other milestones since, married my wife in 2003 (in fact, 5 days from now is my anniversary!), my daughter was born in 2007.
But that accident on Valentine's Day of 1998? Nothing else in my life compares.
2014: An Odyssey
[rebelmouse-image 18355078 is_animated_gif=Hilariously, I was diagnosed with Cancer and got Divorced in the same year. The papers came through somewhere around my third or fourth round of chemo.
So, f-ck 2014, which marks both my B.C. and A.D. But also getting through that year is the best thing that's ever happened to me and I wouldn't change a thing. Man, I'm doing amazing now.
Near Life Experience
[rebelmouse-image 18355079 is_animated_gif=You know, my first thought was to say my time in Iraq was my before and after time but honestly it was the first time I did shrooms. I was 32 when I did them and I had been dealing with depression since I left the military in 2004. I was on a canoe camping trip with friends in the boundary waters and one night out of the blue, one of the guys says he brought us a little treat. I was terrified. Alcohol was my poison of choice. I declined to do them the first night he offered. While my friends went out on a rock in the middle of the night to enjoy the night with their "treat" I sat alone in my hammock tent having a panic attack at the thought of doing something stupid. Then, on the last night, my friend offered to do them again. I said no but he assured me that I was in a good place surrounded by friends.
I remember an immediate internal breakdown as soon as I put them down. But I sat there on a downed tree... around friends but terrified. About 45 minutes in I started to feel nauseous and my mind was saying, "well that's it a--hole..." Then I felt a vibration. It was like I was vibrating at one frequency and the world was at another frequency and we were trying to sync up.... like turning that old tracking knob on them old VCR's the fuzz went away and everything was clear. Buy clear I mean CLEAR... like the first time I watched a documentary in HD and I could see every snowflake clear. My anxiety was replaced by wonder. A wonder I haven't felt since I was a little kid and the proportions of the world weren't built for someone my size so everything was so odd and interesting. My friend came over and handed me glow sticks and that plastic sand that never dries out. I was amazed how new everything looked. Then I got tired. And I went to sleep. That's when mother mush really did her work. At that point in my life I had remained single for the better part of a decade because I thought I was damaged goods. I wasn't worth the hassle of a relationship. I was in one right after I got out of the military and I didn't want to do that to a person again. I was without hope. That night after I went to bed, I dreamed of every first kiss I had ever had. I could feel the butterflies in my stomach and the excitement of a first kiss. There is nothing quite like it. And I could play it over and over again... not quite like a time Machine but like I was a 4 dimensional being. I'm getting goosebumps just thinking about it. I was 32 years old. I gave up on a lot of things in life. Just a few months prior I had to be taken to a hospital in an ambulance due to a panic attack. But there I was, as giddy as a pig in sh-t dreaming about the thrill of a first kiss. And ya know what? That thrill never went away. I have been living life ever since. Free of fear. Free of anger. Free of anxiety. I feel "connected" with something bigger then me. I got married to an amazing girl last year. I'm finishing up my graduate degree in architecture in a couple of months.
People Divulge The Songs They Sang In Childhood They Didn't Know Were Inappropriate
Reddit user Ok_Way_2341 asked: 'As a child, what’s a song you sang loud and proud, only to find as an adult it’s super inappropriate for a child to be singing?'
Back before we became self-conscious adults many of us sang our hearts out. But we weren't all singing the greatest hits of Barnie or Disney.
Probably more than a few of us belted out what we heard on the car radio, home stereo or streaming music services our parents or older siblings listened to.
Which led more than a few of us to expand our vocabulary beyond our years.
Reddit user Ok_Way_2341 asked:
"As a child, what’s a song you sang loud and proud, only to find as an adult it’s super inappropriate for a child to be singing?"
His Purple Majesty 👑
"'Gett Off' by Prince. My mother heard me sing '21 positions in a one night stand' and took the disc off me."
"It unfortunately belonged to my older sister."
"Got punished twice in one week."
"I still love that song."
- Cherrianje
Giphy"I was very very very old before I realized what 'Little Red Corvette' was about. Like mid-century old."
- Street_Roof_7915
"She had a pocket full of horses..."
- heatherbyism
"Trojan and some of them used…"
- Ferraenz
"I guess I should've closed my eyes, When you drove me to the place where your horses run free, 'Cause I felt a little ill when I saw all the pictures, Of the jockeys that were there before me."
- heatherbyism
"That line was so confusing to me as a kid."
"Toy plastic horses, maybe?"
- absentbusiness
GiphyMaybe not on that car ride.
"In the car, riding shotgun with my dad driving… 'I’ll make love to you, like you want me tooooo' - Boyz II Men."
- ADrunkenBotanist
"That’s in that weird intersection of 90s R&B that was tender and not necessarily nasty, but still definitely about sex.
"And sometimes, the songs were nasty, but if they were smooth, you could get away with it. 'Freek’n You' by Jodeci and 'Too Close' by Next come to mind."
- bearded_dragon_34
Who was it?
"'It Wasn't Me' by Shaggy"
- AnimeTattooChick1836
"My classmate told me when she was younger she thought it went 'we were both butt-naked, banging on the bathroom door'."
"Seems a little strange that she didn't question the fact that they were naked, but yeah."
- No_Location854
"Oh no, I still thought it was floor."
"But for some reason my innocent little brain legit imagined just two naked people on their knees banging their fists on the actual floor."
"Ahhh simpler times."
- mikehawksux
GiphyMmmm... candy.
"The particular song that mentions 'I'll take you to the candy shop and let you lick my lollipop' left me completely unaware of its underlying meaning back then, as I blissfully enjoyed its melody."
- dimarikl
"That song is 'Candy Shop' by 50 Cent."
- Zcoombs4
We blame Austin Powers.
"'I Touch Myself' by Divinyls"
“I don’t want anybody else. When I think about you I touch myself.”
- Sorry_Rhubarb_7068
"I still remember the day my early 20’s self figured it out, that holy crap! moment."
- MyOldGurpsNameKira
"I figured it out when I was 14."
"To be fair, that’s a major hobby of pretty well all 14-year-old kids."
- dagbrown
Giphy"I forget what year that song came out, but I think I was around 15 when it did. (so about 1990, I guess?) I remember getting what it was about, but thinking I had to be wrong because it'd be 'illegal' for someone to release a song like that, so it must be about something else and I'm just too dumb to understand what it's really about."
"I had this weird idea as a kid that I was only one of the people on the planet who knew what sex was, so I assumed almost everything sexual related was an accident (as in, they didn't mean to make it sound like it's about sex) and it was actually about something else and I was too dumb to understand the true meaning."
"I actually made up a number once of people who knew what sex was and that number was 7. I thought myself + 6 other people on the entire planet knew what sex was."
"I honest to God thought this, by the way. I never stopped and wondered where all these kids came from if only 7 people knew what sex was."
- temalyen
Mini Monster
"My 11 year-old, completely innocent niece: 'let's have some fun, this beat is sick, I wanna take a ride on your disco stick' [from 'Love Game' by Lady Gaga]."
"Me: 'Let's play a different song'."
- 314159265358979326
"Skyrockets in flight" wasn't about NASA?
"Apparently 'Afternoon Delight' [by Starland Vocal Band] wasn’t about getting out of school."
"I did not know that."
- HuellMissMe
Giphy"My mum told me it meant having cake in the afternoon, which made perfect sense to me because that IS delightful."
- HelpfulName
"My aunt told us 'Afternoon Delight' was about going to get ice cream. 🙃"
- Truecrimeauthor
"I thought it was about a picnic!"
- MoonLoony
"I thought it was about a picnic too!"
"In 3rd grade we were each allowed to bring in our favorite record and play it for the class."
"That’s the one I brought."
- _ThisIsOurLifeNow_
GiphyIgnorance is bliss.
"My friend's daughter used to loudly sing Katy Perry 'Peacock'."
"Literally Everyone: 'Ummm...'."
"Friend: 'It's a song about a bird, and you will not say otherwise'."
- domestic_omnom
Got milk?
"'My Humps' - Black Eyed Peas"
"Apparently they were not just talking about milk and Cocoa Puffs."
- happygolucky226
"No, that's that 'Milkshake' song [by Kelis]."
"She makes really good milkshakes, right?"
- CatOfGrey
Giphy"My cousin (4 at the time) loved singing the 'Milkshake' song."
"Then she and her sister were gently told not to sing it so they moved onto 'My Humps'!"
"I couldn’t bear hearing about lovely lady lumps, so I tried to find another song more appropriate."
"They settled on another Peas one 'Shut Up!'."
"Slightly more tolerable I guess, but there was no telling the girls to shut up because they’d just start repeating it back in song at you."
- 3rdslip
GiphyBut Uncle Luke was so subtle...
"'Me So Horny' by 2 Live Crew."
"My Dad once said 'It’s your mom’s favorite song'."
"Thanks Dad."
- Geriatric_Sloth
"When I was a kid, my little brother came into the room singing [from 'We Want Some P***y' by 2 Live Crew] 'Just nibble on my d*ck like a rat does cheese'."
"My mom in outrage said, 'what did you say!'"
"He calmly looked at her and spoke confidently, 'All I said was just nibble on my d*ck like a rat does cheese'."
"He was like 4 or 5 years old, that tape [Is What We Are by 2 Live Crew] was confiscated immediately."
- Tweedbreak
Uncle Luke of 2 Live Crew
GiphyAnd now for something completely different...
"In about 3rd or 4th grade I came home from playing at a friends house…said friend had been singing some weird song that got stuck in my head."
"So I stroll in and take my seat at the dinner table and start singing as loud as I can: 'Sit on my face and tell me that you love me! I’ll sit on your face and tell you that I love you too!!'…my parents damn near choked."
"They couldn’t stop laughing and then told me never ever to sing that again. Luckily they were huge Monty Python fans…nothing I knew about at the time."
- roygbiv_87
*WARNING: NSFW*
Ah, to be young and innocent again.
Did you learn anything new about what a song really means?
Or did you sing something as a child that didn't make the list?
Share your story in the comments.
TRIGGER WARNING:This article contains sensitive content about death and injury.
Sometimes, on a completely uneventful day, while someone is doing something they've always done, something goes terribly wrong. An accident occurs.
Sometimes, the person is lucky enough to make it. Other times, they are not.
These are total freak accidents -- harmful incidents that occur under unusual and unlikely circumstances.
I don't have any experience with this myself, but Redditors do. They are now sharing the stories of how people they knew died in freak accidents.
It all started when Redditor RawAsparagus asked:
"People who knew someone who died in a freak accident, what happened?"
A Nasty Death
"I used to work for a septic company. A guy who drove one of the big septic trucks that sucked out underground septic tanks at people's houses had to get on his hands and knees and reach into the tank because the lid had fallen in. He lost his balance and fell head first in. His shoulders got wedged in the opening and he drowned upside down in human waste. I don't think I've ever heard of a worse way to go. The homeowner found him after about an hour."
– Claytrain1989
Neck Injuries Are No Joke
"A family friend bumped his head, walked about 15 feet across his back yard, sat at his picnic table and died."
"Autopsy showed no head trauma, but he broke his neck when he hit his head. They figured the walk across the yard caused something to shift enough to do fatal damage to his spinal cord."
– Blundell1992
"My sister came so close to dying in a somewhat similar way. She was in a car accident and was pulled out of the wreckage by some friends. She was guided to some grass by the side of the road to sit and wait for the ambulance. She apparently kept saying her neck was really sore & was asking people to help her “pop” it. Thankfully, her friends were smart enough to encourage her to leave it alone. She gets to the hospital & some yahoo either doesn’t read the x-ray or reads it wrong & agrees that her neck is just sprained or something & wants to send her home. Somehow, someway, they ended up transferring her to another hospital before that happened who discovered her badly broken neck which required surgery to fix and left her with permanent nerve damage. I have NO IDEA how she didn’t end up paralyzed or dead. She has the stupidest luck where the most random bad things will happen to her but she turns out fine in the end lol"
– Aggravating-Jaguar96
Poor Guy
"A guy I knew was setting up a rope swing over a lake for his kids and their friends, which he had done many times before. He always would take a practice swing himself before he would let the kids go. His hands slipped off the rope and he fell before he was over the lake. He hit his head on a rock and died in front of the kids."
– highvolt132
Why I'm Scared Of Animals
"Former co-worker of mine was gored by a bison while on a trail run. Ironically, he often posted on message boards for the park to be aware of wild animals while there, and in one post he said there are too many people with headphones on, or trying to get too close to the bison to take selfies. He was normally very careful apparently."
– doctor-rumack
Before Life Even Started
"Lovely girl I went to HS with got a scholarship to a prestigious university, being one of the very few students from my sh*tty school to make it to college or uni. Two weeks into term her room mate found her laying in her bed dead. The heating boiler was faulty and she'd died of carbon monoxide poisoning in her sleep. We'd even thrown a party for her to celebrate her achievement. This was in 1996 and I'm tearing up a bit thinking about this. RIP Sonia."
– Johhnymaddog316
Adrenaline
"A friend of a friend showed up at his girlfriend's apartment with a head wound. He didn't know how it happened. He also didn't know how he drove over there."
"She took him to the ER where he ended up passing away."
"He had his keys, wallet and phone on him."
"The only thing we could think of is he might have tripped, fell and hit his head in the wrong spot."
– cbpantskiller
"It was probably muscle memory that got him there."
"How awful."
– BoringMcWindbag
"Or adrenaline. There was a woman who got attacked by a bear on her isolated mountain ranch. After fighting off the bear (with the help of her dogs), she got in her car and drove several miles down precarious mountain roads to the nearest fire station with her face ripped clean off and, IIRC, one eyeball dangling out of its socket. She said she was almost totally blind and going into shock, but a combination of muscle memory and adrenaline somehow got her down the mountain safely."
"She did an AMA on reddit once. Cool lady. She wrote a memoir, too."
"EDIT TO ADD: Her name was Allena Hansen. I read her memoir and I quite liked it. She's a funny woman who has lived a very interesting life, even aside from the bear attack."
– eldestdaughtersunion
Frozen
"I was snowboarding in 1997 in Switzerland with a good friend. He was skiing. I had caught en edge and landed on the back of my head while also twisting my knee badly. I was being looked over by the mountain rescue and first aid. I told my friend he could keep skiing, i would head back to our villa."
"I ended up going to sleep at around 6pm as I had a hot shower and some tylenol 3s after dinner. I woke up to see my friend hadn't returned and thought it was odd but maybe he hooked up with a lady at some bar."
"Friend never came back from skiing. He was found deep in a crevasse the next afternoon and frozen to death."
– rayrayrayray
A Legitimate Fear
"A friend slipped and fell in the tub. Cracked his head. His roommate found him a half hour later. Died on the way to the hospital."
– HypeMachine231
"I've always been afraid of falling and dying in a bathroom."
– Morlanticator
"I tore my shoulder labrum falling in the shower. It seems like such an elderly person sort of way to get hurt, but I’m not old. Non-slip tub mats are like five bucks, people. It’s a good investment."
– the_cadaver_synod
Always Use A Spotter
"The TV station I worked at previously had a gym in it, and during the midnight shift, the security guard, during his break, decided to lift some weights alone in the gym. He lifted the bar, which was apparently too heavy, and it came crashing down and cut off his circulation. No one discovered him until about six hours later when someone came in to use the shower in the gym."
– phisigtheduck
Pinned
"My uncle was mowing grass on an embankment next to a small body of water. The mower unexpectedly slipped down the embankment and overturned on top of him, pinning him under the water. He drowned in a few feet of water that he otherwise could have stood up in."
– apatheticnihilist
"When my mom was working in hospitals, they had a patient whose tractor rolled over him and he fell into a ditch with water. He was so lucky because he was on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere and when he rolled over, a car passed by. The woman driving rushed to his aid and held his head out of the water. This was before cellphones so she had to wait holding him until another car drove by and then rushed to the nearest house to use the phone. Guy made a full recovery thanks to that woman being there at the exact right time."
– BlackChimaera
A Horrible Accident
"An old buddy I had known since elementary school died while driving when a chunk of loose gravel was kicked up through his windshield by a passing truck on the freeway. His best friend had been riding in the passenger side and had to steer the car to safety. It was nobody’s fault, just a complete freak accident. I’ve always felt terrible for the friend who had to watch it happen."
"I think about my friend who died a lot. He was a really cool guy. I still remember playing basketball with him during recess when we were kids. It’s strange to think that he never could have known how his life would end or see it coming in any way. That kid I used to play basketball thought he still had an entire life ahead of him."
– an_edgy_lemon
See A Bump, Go To A Hospital
"A mom went ice skating. Little slip, fell, all everyone saw was her bump her head lightly."
"Family finished skating. On the ride home, she started speaking gibberish. Dad dropped kids at the grandparents, took mom to the ER."
"Brain swelling, coma, dead a week later."
– Expert-Diamond6467
Honestly, I've always been scared of dying from a head injury that doesn't seem serious at the time. Always, always, always get checked out!
Dating experiences can be incredibly fun and even formative, but it can also be full of tough and painful lessons.
With each relationship, we're bound to learn things that we don't like or aren't looking for in our next partner.
Redditor Valuable-Ad440 asked:
"What do you think the biggest mistake is that people make in relationships?"
Not Apologizing
"Not being able to apologize. If someone tells you they're upset with you, you don't need to argue back."
- TheGame1126
Being Defensive
"Not being able to hear your partner expressing their own needs or constructive critiques without getting defensive."
"You should be able to hear your partner out with concern and curiosity, and THEN address your own feelings that happened as a result of their words. If you can’t have a difficult conversation without being overwhelmed by your own insecurities, you’re not ready to be in a relationship."
- greengiant1101
Too Many Compromises
"Compromising when they started the relationship, and then regret sets in and destroys the relationship."
- Damseldoll
(Not) Winning Arguments
"Trying to 'win' arguments. The goal should be to solve disagreements as a team, not come out as the victor."
- DoublePelix
Not Dating Their Best Friend
"Your partner not being your friend, too."
- Wonderful-Note9289
"Back when we were dating, my wife once told me that I was her boyfriend, but also her friend. I found that odd. Then she pointed out that her ex never had had the potential to be her friend. They just didn't match."
"Since then, I realized how important this is."
- Lvcivs2311
Lack of Communication or Acceptance
"So many people jump straight to 'lack of communication,' but more often than not the problem is refusing to accept what your partner is communicating."
"Communication skills can always be better, but a lack of understanding or willingness to compromise around the difference in each other's needs leads to resentment really quickly. Once you resent each other, it's game over, there's no real way to come back from that."
- alk6489
Taking Others for Granted
"Taking the other person’s love, time, empathy, or patience for granted."
- thebuffyb0t
"Or holding onto a relationship that isn't making you happy out of some hope that the other person will stop taking those things for granted."
"Both are non-starters."
- sophistre
Different Values
"I would rephrase this as 'people are their values and what they value.'"
"If you want a big family and they want to be child-free, you’re not compatible."
"If you are a homebody and they have wanderlust, one of you is going to be miserable."
"If they are fixated on their career and external signs of success and you are more interested in experiences and togetherness, you’re both going to resent each other."
"If you have significantly different political outlooks, it’s going to poison how you see each other over time."
"The first person to say yes to you may not be the right person for you long term. You need to talk about your values and life goals, and if they don’t align, don’t sit there hoping the other person will compromise who they are for you, or expect yourself to compromise who you are for them."
"Respect each other enough to recognize you aren’t the right life partner and move on."
- Fraerie
Getting Married First
"Waiting until you’re too far in to discuss marriage and kids. That’s an issue that needs to be hammered in before you completely shut yourself off from anyone else."
- DefinitelyNotADave
"Tons of people have those tough discussions way too late. Kids, in-law interactions and responsibilities, finances, living situations, household chores, medical issues, and future plans ALL should be discussed before getting married."
"If you don't have an answer for that now, you're going to have to find an answer soon enough. All of these things WILL be faced throughout your lifetime together. It's better to find out if you're completely incompatible before signing that paper. Or at least you've got a plan of how to face things together."
- buyongmafanle
Helping Around At Home
"My girl has been on vacation for about two weeks and f**k, I hate cooking, man!"
"I should help her prep some of the food. It's just more time-consuming than anything else. But yeah, when she gets back, I'll start helping her more. I eat a s**t ton, so yeah."
- Deads4dayz
"Start now, impress her with your effort when she gets back, and tell her you realized how much time she was putting in. Can't go wrong."
- orionicly
"Learn some knife skills on youtube, it can cut your prep time by 50% easily. I've seen people spend ten minutes on a single onion, smh (shaking my head)."
- DaoNight23
"And clean as you cook! Something is simmering on the stove and you can step away for five minutes? Don’t kill time on the couch, clean your workstation! Then when it’s time to serve, you have only a minimal amount of cleanup left to do."
- Youareaharrywizard
"CAYG or Clean As You Go is taught in professional kitchens everywhere for a reason, it’s a proven strategy to keep things clean."
"That and 'if you have time to lean, you have time to clean,' but that one is less popular."
- its_justme
Getting Too Comfortable
"I think it's a combination of getting so comfortable with somebody that you take things for granted, stop doing the little things, and stop communicating."
- Rathemon
"Been feeling this recently. My girlfriend and I moved in together nearly two years ago, and our relationship improved so much when we did, but it has led to me taking things for granted."
"I'm traveling at the moment, and I haven't seen her in nearly a month, and I'm really missing just existing together. Even something as simple as sleeping next to each other, I miss it like crazy, but it's not something I think of as much when we're both at home."
- V0lkhari
Committing 100/100
"Thinking that it's one person's work. A successful relationship needs commitment and work from both parties."
- Mapache_villa
"I find that as the woman, I’m usually carrying the emotional load and it’s f**king exhausting. Talking about feelings, initiating tough conversations, etc. I won’t do it anymore."
- pattimay_ho_nnaise
Having Children to Love
"Believing that having a child will fix their problems."
"Great job, now the THREE of you are in a sucky situation and now are forever tied through a choice you both made instead of just working it out OR separating, both options that would've been a lot less messy and complicated, not to mention that the kid is now stuck between something that's not their responsibility to fix and now they're suffering through it."
"'Compromising' on big life decisions, it never ends well."
- ThanosWifeAkima-4848
Knowing When to Say Goodbye
"Not leaving or ending a relationship when it needs to be ended. Sometimes the best thing to do is to walk away."
- toosickto
That About Sums It Up
"Not 'dating' their partner after getting married and having kids."
"Not communicating."
"Not being on the same page when it comes to finances, household responsibilities, and boundaries with external family."
"Simply not prioritizing their partner."
- vtfb79
These responses came from people who clearly regretted decisions they'd made in relationships or been on the receiving end, neither of which likely felt very pleasant.
Countless emotions arise when going on a first date.
Making this all the more difficult is that a first date is one of the few things that absolutely must be done solo, so bringing friends as backup simply isn't an option.
Leaving one to wish there was a handbook for navigating a first date successfully.
Of course, while there is no official guide, everyone has rules and beliefs about what to do and what to avoid on a first date.
From how to effortlessly bring out your best qualities, to a foolproof escape plan if your date is anything but the one you've dreamed your whole life of meeting.
"What's an unspoken rule on a first date?"
EyeContact, And Not With Your Screen...
"Your phone is not part of the date."- Wonderful-Note9289
"Don't be on your phone the whole time."
"And don't talk about your ex."- HoW-LoNg-DoCtOR-YES
Think Very Carefully Before That Second Round
"Don’t drink too much."- drivethruhell
"Had a date like this."
"Within the first 90 minutes they had taken like three shots, and were on their third drink."
"I understand wanting to calm your nerves, but damn."
"The whole 'you need to play catch up LOL' isn't as cute as you think it is."
"We did not go on any other dates."- mothershipq
Drink GIFGiphyThere Is no Scent More Intoxicating Than Your Own...
"Have a shower beforehand."- Porriz
"And take it easy with the perfume/cologne."
Your date shouldn't smell you before they see you."- imnotlouise
No One Likes A Moocher...
"Don't order any extras plates to eat at home with your mom when the other is paying."- lil_wavey999
Always Be On The Same Page...
"Both should know it is a date."- mosquitohater2023
"I met a woman at an out of town festival through a friend of mine that she was hooking up with."
"She ended up taking too many shrooms and I spent an hour with her helping her to feel calmer."
"She is a traveling nurse and was going to be in my city in a few weeks so we exchange numbers and when she gets in town she asked if I want to get some sushi."
"Happy to make a new friend, we meet up, talk a lot about my friend that she’s hooking up with telling funny stories about him."
"Eventually it comes up that I’m leaving the next day for a 3 week trip to Europe with my girlfriend and she screams, 'I thought this was a f*cking date!'"
"Reeeeaaallly awkward."- redmoskeeto
Dating Wtf GIF by MaxGiphyBe Open And Transparent...
"Not a rule but never make the other person carry the conversation."
"You're both here to make an effort and give each other the respect."
"If you both want different things then let it be said after."
"No need to hurt someone's self-respect for your ego."- Arkjump
"Be there with honest intentions and nothing else."- S-Vagus
Or At Least Be Willing To Share
"Don’t order 3 full meals."- WinkMartindale
"AND expecting him to pay for all of it."
"I mean sure if you want to take some home for your mom, you pay for that yourself."- Widowhawk·
GiphyBe Prepared For A Lack Of Shared Interests...
"Leave the coin collection at home, wow her with that on the second date."- IronLion11·
Choose Your Activities Carefully
"Don't go to the movies or a fancy dinner on your first date if you don't already know this person."
"The movies is a place where you sit in silence for 2 hours staring straight ahead."
"That does not give you any opportunity to get to know the other person."
"A sit down dinner can be perfectly fine, but if you know within the first 10 minutes that you have no desire to spend any more time in this person's presence, you're stuck through the rest of the meal."
"First dates should always be intentionally short with an option to extend."
"Coffee, froyo, drinks, things that can turn into an hour of talking or 'would you like to grab a bite to eat?'"- baltinerdist
Get Your Emotions Under Control
"Don't excuse yourself to go to the bathroom and then accidentally think about your ex while in there, have to fight back tears, and then come back to the table after way too long, with puffy red eyes."
"Whoops." - Reddit
Sad That 70S Show GIF by LaffGiphyJust Be Open And Honest... To an Extent...
"Don't: Unload on your date about your trauma."
"Gotta keep that sh*t under wraps until at least date 5."
"Do: Be yourself, unless your whole personality teeters on your traumatic history--in that case, self-deprecating humor will suffice until you can successfully abandon all hope and sit in your car for an hour to cry afterward."-Deep-Essay-4829
A Conversation Is A Two-Way Street
"Usually when asked a question I’d answer it and then hit her with a 'what about you?'"
"To ensure that I wasn’t dominating the convo."
"Let the other person speak."- bumboclawt
... NOPE...
"Bring an egg, uncooked, in your pocket."
"Casually let it fall out at the end of the date."
"This establishes you as a breadwinner, who else has the money to just carry eggs around in their pockets?"
"When your date, inevitably, wants to know more about the egg just shrug it off."
"You're not here to brag, your egg does that for you."- wearywarrior
Broken Heart Love GIF by Share It AgainGiphyIf there is one rule absolutely everyone should follow when going on a first date, it's not being beholden to rules, spoken or unspoken.
After all, the best romances are often the ones which happen organically.
Love cannot be forced.