People Reveal The Moment In Their Lives Where Everything Really Changed[rebelmouse-image 18355060 is_animated_gif=
Life has ebbs and flows. The roller coaster doesn't stop for any of us--but for some of us, it significantly changes. A significant life event can alter the course of our personal growth and maturity. We might not even know who we were at one point, before that thing. It defines us.
SaviorNegan, looking to gather more intel on what that event might be for people, asked:
Here were some of the answers.
A Hurricane Of Events[rebelmouse-image 18355061 is_animated_gif=
i'm from New Orleans, so everything is Before Katrina or After Katrina.
Quality Down[rebelmouse-image 18355062 is_animated_gif=
Having a femoral osteotomy. I went from being able to walk (albeit painfully), drive, do normal things. Had the surgery solely to improve my quality of life but it did the exact opposite. Something went wrong with my nerves and 15 months later, I'm left in constant agony. I can't walk, drive, do basic functions like bend my knee etc. It's the worst decision I've ever made.
Grief Shapes Us[rebelmouse-image 18355063 is_animated_gif=
Before mom died and after mom died. I was 18. It really shapes your life when you're forced to be on your own so young and face such an emotional roller coaster that never ends.
Before China[rebelmouse-image 18355065 is_animated_gif=
I came to China 12 years ago on holiday and am still here, so that's my B.C.
It would be perfect if I were from Denmark.
A New World[rebelmouse-image 18355066 is_animated_gif=
So this is super embarrassing as it was 10 years ago, but before and after my long time girlfriend in high school. This happened right around graduation - I really had no direction in life until she left me (rightly so) and I realized I need to put some effort into myself if I wanted to get anywhere. My thought process and actions seemed to do a complete 180 around that time.
I still don't know if this is a healthy thought process however, and am debating talking to a counselor about this.
Dividing Day[rebelmouse-image 18354016 is_animated_gif=
My sister dying.
Before, my family were close and happy and talked to each other all the time.
20 years on, we're still a fractured mess.
Carpe Diem[rebelmouse-image 18355067 is_animated_gif=
Going through cancer, without question. I'm one of the lucky ones though - my cancer was the very treatable kind, I'm fine now, and about a thousand times more motivated than I was before cancer. Facing mortality really shifted my perspective.
No Time[rebelmouse-image 18355069 is_animated_gif=
Not my daughter's birth, but her diagnosis of a brain tumor two month later. There was no preparation or warning, just BAM baby cancer. She survived the surgeries and treatment and is doing well several years later, but I will never be the same.
The Things We Do For Others[rebelmouse-image 18355070 is_animated_gif=
An 80 year old customer that came in to my place of work. He has no idea his impact.
I was in an emotionally abusive relationship at the time. A bit of backstory: my now ex would get irate if he heard I talked with my male coworkers even about work/training. I wasn't allowed to see my friends and the one time I forced it he texted/called the whole time.
This older gentleman came in just beaming and high on life. He joked and chatted with me and was genuinely the happiest person I've ever encountered. Mid-conversation his wife pops her head in the office door and cheerily mentions that she ran in to her old friend and they were going to have coffee. Somehow he seemed even happier than he previously was and told his wife how marvellous it was that they bumped in to each other, to say hi to the friend, and to take their time.
At that moment I realized I'd never have that if something didn't change. It's been the hardest two years of my life but I got out of that relationship. I had to/chose to move 3000kms to get away from the stalking and the fear but its done and I'm slowly getting myself back. That man saved me from a terrible life and I can't even thank him.
Some New Ideas[rebelmouse-image 18355071 is_animated_gif=
A.D for me is After Divorce. Got married too young, divorced at 26, basically had to rebuild my life. Now very happy :-)
A Change In Me[rebelmouse-image 18355072 is_animated_gif=
I was going to be a fighter pilot in the US Navy. I was very disciplined, attended Civil Air Patrol, applied myself to school, competed at the national level in both swimming and martial arts, went for the whole congressional sponsorship to the military academies, the works. One day right before graduating high school, I was doing a "rowing" motion with those rubber workout bands, and it rolled off the toe of my shoe snapped me in the face. Turns out my retina came partially detached, it caused swelling and bleeding inside my eye, and permanent damage to my optic nerve. The injury disqualified me From any sort of flight program and my life's dream.
Now I'm an artist. Mostly video and cinematography.
I'm really happy with how my life turned out. I love doing what I do. I never would have met my beautiful wife, never would have got the amazing job I have, or met the amazing people in my life. For those who wanted to be a pilot but weren't able, I highly suggest getting into flying drones. It's a huge part of my life as a cinematographer and it's filled a part of my life that I thought I was going to miss out on.
Commitment Appreciation[rebelmouse-image 18350607 is_animated_gif=
My second marriage, but I honestly feel like I'm in my "3rd age" now. We've been married for almost 15 years, but it's only been the last 5 or so that I realized what I really have. I've always appreciated, loved and cared for her, but it's a whole new level now. I had always engaged in joking around about the ball and chain and was generally a lot more negative when speaking about my marriage around friends. The 3rd age began one day when a coworker told me how his marriage changed his life for the better and for some reason it was like a slap in the face. Now I tell anyone who'll listen how wonderful my wife is. I probably overdo it sometimes, but it has honestly made me appreciate her more and more. It's a simple change of mindset, but it has been profound for me.
The New Longing[rebelmouse-image 18355073 is_animated_gif=
The time I realized I should stop sitting silently in the corner and get a social life.
Unimaginable[rebelmouse-image 18355074 is_animated_gif=
Before quitting hard drugs and after.
The Health Changement[rebelmouse-image 18355075 is_animated_gif=
Before weight loss. After weight loss.
The difference in quality of life after losing 100lb is almost indescribable.
Children Will Listen[rebelmouse-image 18355076 is_animated_gif=
Adopting my daughter.
I was a little older than most folks at 35. If you are looking for some kind of personal "Aha" moment, it didn't happen for a few months after we returned from China with our daughter. When we first got our daughter, it was more of a "Holy sh-t, what do I do now?" type of reaction. And that held for...well I'll let you know.
(*Pro-Tip on Parenting - It gets easier when you realize that no parents know what the f-ck they are doing. Do your best and try not to be a shitty person. What works in life works for parenting. Go figure.)
Ok so where was my watershed moment? I remember it vividly. I was driving and my daughter was in her carseat in the back. It had been a few months because I had finally gotten past the "I better check on her every few minutes because she might die on me and my wife will be super pissed" stage. I was in line to join a highway. My lane is single and due to the number of cars there is a long line that is moving semi slowly. Of course there is a way to move ahead of the line and make an illegal turn so you can bypass about 20 cars to still wait in line. Of course when I am getting onto the onramp, this is just what some a--hole decides to do. And of course he doesn't merge into the traffic, he just guns it and swerves onto the shoulder to jump in front of me. (Disclaimer - I may have a tiny bit of a problem with road rage.) This makes me see red and I gun it to catch up with the prick. So I do the same thing. I gun it and swerve around him onto the highway flipping him off. So here I am going 85mph down a highway on ramp swerving around a car because I am just raging. I look in my rearview mirror to see what a--hole is going to do and what do I see? My daughter just sitting there in her car seat all smiling and unaware just how much danger her father put her in because of his temper.
MOMENT OF CLARITY - I can still feel the same emotions that hit me at the time. Mostly a "what are you doing?" feeling. My daughter needed me to be better. She is totally dependent on me. I can't act like the same a--hole that I have been.
That's my AD moment. Don't get me wrong. I still rage in my car and in my head as my daughter can attest to. But I now limit myself to just cursing other drivers under my breath. I realized that my actions now directly affect another person who is entirely dependent on me to make good decisions. That was a heavy feeling. I'm glad it happened and that nothing worse did to make me realize I needed to change.
A Bad Weld[rebelmouse-image 18355077 is_animated_gif=
14 February 1998.
A Saturday. I was at work, voluntarily getting more overtime at the local shipyard.
The work day had just started, and I was working on my first project, fitting a small bulkhead to a deck plate. I was just an apprentice fitter, and was working with a 1st classer, with 15 years of experience.
He was using the crane to place several bulkheads, and bracing them off with a single piece of steel, and I was to come along behind as he did that, and fitting them to their correct places, and do partial welding to hold them in place, so the actual welders could come and "do it up right."
Except, I didn't check the brace's welds before starting to work, and it was a bad weld.
It broke, and 650 pounds of steel went from vertical, to horizontal. Right on top of me.
Broke my pelvis into 3 separate pieces, as well as a hairline fracture of my L2 vertebra in my back.
I never lost consciousness. I can remember -EVERYTHING- from the bulkhead shifting, while I was looking at the chalkline that it was supposed to be on, then shifting AGAIN, and then noticing it tilting towards me.
I remember instinctively putting my arms up to try to stop it. Yeah. That worked. NOT.
I remember just curling into a ball when I gave up trying to stop it.
I remember the pain of the impact just shooting through every inch of my body, like lightning.
I remember telling a coworker that if he tried to lift it off me, and dropped it again, that I was going to "beat the f-ck out of you when I get up! get the f-cking crane you idiot!"
I remember telling the paramedics that if they cut my brand new Wolverine work boots, that I was gonna kick their a--es.
Adrenaline is a hell of a thing.
I spent a month in the hospital, pretty much in the bed. I lost 50-ish pounds in that bed. I was a well-built 195 pound 6 foot tall man when I got hurt. I was a 140 pound weakling once I was able to move on my own again.
The orthopedic I was seeing recommended six months of bed rest.
I spent 2-3 weeks in a wheelchair, and then another week or so needing a walker to get around.
April 28th is the day I took my first steps WITHOUT a walker.
Six months bed rest, MY A--!
That was a life-changer. My life was never the same, since.
I've had other milestones since, married my wife in 2003 (in fact, 5 days from now is my anniversary!), my daughter was born in 2007.
But that accident on Valentine's Day of 1998? Nothing else in my life compares.
2014: An Odyssey[rebelmouse-image 18355078 is_animated_gif=
Hilariously, I was diagnosed with Cancer and got Divorced in the same year. The papers came through somewhere around my third or fourth round of chemo.
So, f-ck 2014, which marks both my B.C. and A.D. But also getting through that year is the best thing that's ever happened to me and I wouldn't change a thing. Man, I'm doing amazing now.
Near Life Experience[rebelmouse-image 18355079 is_animated_gif=
You know, my first thought was to say my time in Iraq was my before and after time but honestly it was the first time I did shrooms. I was 32 when I did them and I had been dealing with depression since I left the military in 2004. I was on a canoe camping trip with friends in the boundary waters and one night out of the blue, one of the guys says he brought us a little treat. I was terrified. Alcohol was my poison of choice. I declined to do them the first night he offered. While my friends went out on a rock in the middle of the night to enjoy the night with their "treat" I sat alone in my hammock tent having a panic attack at the thought of doing something stupid. Then, on the last night, my friend offered to do them again. I said no but he assured me that I was in a good place surrounded by friends.
I remember an immediate internal breakdown as soon as I put them down. But I sat there on a downed tree... around friends but terrified. About 45 minutes in I started to feel nauseous and my mind was saying, "well that's it a--hole..." Then I felt a vibration. It was like I was vibrating at one frequency and the world was at another frequency and we were trying to sync up.... like turning that old tracking knob on them old VCR's the fuzz went away and everything was clear. Buy clear I mean CLEAR... like the first time I watched a documentary in HD and I could see every snowflake clear. My anxiety was replaced by wonder. A wonder I haven't felt since I was a little kid and the proportions of the world weren't built for someone my size so everything was so odd and interesting. My friend came over and handed me glow sticks and that plastic sand that never dries out. I was amazed how new everything looked. Then I got tired. And I went to sleep. That's when mother mush really did her work. At that point in my life I had remained single for the better part of a decade because I thought I was damaged goods. I wasn't worth the hassle of a relationship. I was in one right after I got out of the military and I didn't want to do that to a person again. I was without hope. That night after I went to bed, I dreamed of every first kiss I had ever had. I could feel the butterflies in my stomach and the excitement of a first kiss. There is nothing quite like it. And I could play it over and over again... not quite like a time Machine but like I was a 4 dimensional being. I'm getting goosebumps just thinking about it. I was 32 years old. I gave up on a lot of things in life. Just a few months prior I had to be taken to a hospital in an ambulance due to a panic attack. But there I was, as giddy as a pig in sh-t dreaming about the thrill of a first kiss. And ya know what? That thrill never went away. I have been living life ever since. Free of fear. Free of anger. Free of anxiety. I feel "connected" with something bigger then me. I got married to an amazing girl last year. I'm finishing up my graduate degree in architecture in a couple of months.
"What makes someone bad in bed?"
WHERE TO BEGIN?!
The list is endless.
Half the time all it takes to be better is a little effort.
RedditorMidoriSpicewanted to hear about the lack of skills some people really need to acquire when it comes to sexy time. They asked:
"What makes someone bad in bed?"
I love sex. But it can be stressful. I've always found connection to be one of the best lessons.
CommunicationsGIF by HULUGiphy
"Assuming they already know what their partner wants/likes and doesn't communicate or take any instructions."
Take it Slow
"No foreplay and not caring if your partner is enjoying it."
"I had an ex who literally never wanted to do any kind of foreplay. He just wanted basically sex of any kind for him. He said oral on women was gross."
"Proposing mid intercourse."
"Honestly? With the partner I have, I'd think it was pretty hot and romantic lmao. I'd check in after the deed to make sure he was serious but our relationship is already very serious so it wouldn't be a big deal."
Talk to Me
"Not talking or making any noises. We don't have to dirty talk the whole time or even at all but you gotta let me know you're enjoying it at least."
"I think there's some balance between having some small talk, silence, and dirty talk while being in bed with someone. Or maybe that's just been my experience. I don't know--I think there's some fun in trying to carry a side conversation while having sex lol."
"Friction isn’t always a good thing."
YuckBored Larry Bird GIF by SB NationGiphy
"To this you can add unclipped fingernails."
"And dirty fingernails. Nah, ma'am. I’m betting this is not worth the infection. Thanks."
‘good at sex’
"I have a feeling most men will say 'lack of enthusiasm' and that most women will say 'being selfish about pleasure.'"
"I’m a woman and my first thought was lack of enthusiasm, but my own lack of enthusiasm. The only bad sex I’ve had is when I don’t genuinely want to be there. I’ve had sex with guys who weren’t ‘good at sex’ but still enjoyed it because I was really into them."
"They are convinced they know more about what works for you than you know yourself. Just cause your ex-lover Pat liked technique X doesn't mean everyone does."
"Have experienced this, it sucks. He wouldn’t listen to what I enjoyed, didn’t want me to say ANYTHING even if it hurt or wasn’t working, and would just say something along the lines of 'every other woman I’ve been with liked it.' I’m thinking, all you’ve had are one-night stands, really, so they probably didn’t say anything."
"I’ve had numerous partners and love sex. Crashed and burned with this one and he really crushed my self-esteem and sexual confidence."
"The biggest thing is always going to be selfishness and the inability/refusal to communicate and listen to your partner. I've seriously had a guy yell 'I KNOW HOW TO DO IT!' when I was trying to tell him how I liked whatever he was doing. He then got even more upset when I said 'did you just f**king yell at me? Alright, off, I'm done.'"
FlavorsAmanda Seales Wow GIF by truTVGiphy
"Lack of variety. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean crazy kinks or positions from the karma sutra, but more when it's really predicable. I has an ex that had this weird routine of positions, it was exactly the same every single f**king time in exactly the same order."
Sex. Let's be better at it.
Do you have similar experiences to share? Let us know in the comments below.
Love is so elusive these days isn't it?
Who knows what anyone is looking for in the relationship department anymore.
It's all too exhausting.
But people we keep trying.
RedditorProblemNice5257wanted to hear why so many people are still on the hunt for that perfect one. They asked:
"Why are you single right now?"
I'm single because I've given up. And I'm good. For now.
PeaceSnoop Dogg Reaction GIFGiphy
"I put absolutely no effort into meeting someone."
"Same! Also it's extremely difficult when you feel so at peace being by yourself. The fact that I have to find someone whose presence outweighs my level of comfort being alone seems impossible."
"Hard to meet people when you are a hermit."
"Yeah, I describe myself as a shut-in, lol. I leave my apartment to work, I leave my apartment to buy food, and occasionally I’ll bring out the trash, otherwise I just watch Hulu, play online chess, surf Reddit."
"Same. I've spent months trying to find an apartment I can afford without a roommate and finally settled on a small studio apartment for $1100 a month because I'd rather living in a tiny space and be left the hell alone than share a much nicer place even with a good friend."
"I have too many unsolved issues, i can't in good conscience bring someone else into them."
"Idk your issues but everyone's got some crap. Not sure how unique yours are but everyone's got some crap. It's good to share some of your struggles with other people. Just don't open with it haha."
"Issues unresolved or not, (in my case) only makes it worse when you feel like you could open up to them, and they just take those to use it against yourself afterwards."
"I hardly go out and expose myself to people. I'm uncomfortable with the notion of myself being in a relationship at this point. Also, I'm very dry in terms of personality."
"I spent a year entirely isolated due to covid and now I can't handle physical contact. It makes me really uncomfortable and a hug is enough to make my body shut down. I'm hopeless."
truthCaptain America Lol GIF by mtvGiphy
"Supply chain issue."
"Best answer here."
That's funny. But it feels oddly true.
Ahhh...Think Winnie The Pooh GIFGiphy
"I'm attracted to many, and unattractive to all."
"Last relationship was so toxic, I've sworn off dating, at least for awhile. I haven't had this much free time in ages. It's nice."
"Edit: Hey, it's really great hearing from so many people with similar experiences. Like many of you, I've been taking it in stride and focusing on bettering myself, both physically and mentally. It's done wonders for my health and I feel a whole lot better. I wish y'all the very best. Stay excellent, my friends."
"I'm 35yr old single father to a 5yr old and I work nights. It's hard to find free time to meet someone, especially in my area. If I do have free time to myself, I like staying home and ordering a pizza while drinking some beers and playing video games. I pretty much faced the fact that I will probably be alone for the rest of my life."
"I was in an 8 year relationship (married for two) to my high school sweetheart. Exactly this same time last year, we got divorced because I found out he was cheating on me with my best friend. The best friend I had known LONGER than him and was friends with since fourth grade."
"She was living with us to try to get back on her feet. Yeah lol. So I lost my best friend and the man I had been with for 8 years within the same night. So I moved to another state, got an apartment by myself, and am now single and divorced all by 26. Not really looking unless the right person comes along."
"It’s pretty happy and peaceful now that they’re both out of my life though honestly. You realize people’s toxicity and flaws the most once you get space away from them."
Bad LoopSeth Meyers Whatever GIF by Late Night with Seth MeyersGiphy
"Because my relationships end before they even begin."
"This is my story right here."
Alright. Now that we've laid out all the excuses, let's get to matching with some people.
There is no bigger mystery than what happens to us after we die.
But even those who don't practice an organized religion tend to believe that there is a Heaven, a happy joyful place where our souls will remain for eternity.
No two people share the same idea of what heaven would be like, but everyone who believes in it probably has an idea of the first thing they'd do after entering the pearly gates.
Redditor WeDidItGuyz was curious to hear what would be top on everyone's list upon entering the afterlife, leading them to ask:
"If heaven exists, what’s the first thing you’d do?"
Overcome with joy
"In all reality?"
"Probably cry for about 30 minutes because the biggest existential fear at the very core my humanity has now been lifted."
"If Heaven exists, like 50% of the awesomeness is just the very fact that it exists."heaven gate GIF by South Park Giphy
A re-match long in the making
"Ask my childhood friend Kevon for a race."
"He used to beat me handily when were younger (9-13) and he’d always brag."
"When I got older and faster I moved away so I was never able to race him again."
"We arranged for a race but he was shot multiple times and bound to a wheelchair until he passed a few years ago."
"I wanna race him both in our prime."- Abethegreat1
Reunite with loved ones
"Find my husband, give him a huge hug and never let go again."
"Live our forever together."
"I f*cking love him and miss him so much."- jessdfrench
"Embrace my sweet wife and tell her how proud I am of the kids."- RifleShower
"Try to find my brother."
"Man, I miss him."
"He died in 2020 at age 34."- grummlinds1
"Give my mum and dad a big hug."- goonerjack007Miss U GIF by GIPHY Studios OriginalsGiphy
Achieve the "firsts" we never got to do
"Find my son and have a beer with him."
"Something we never got to do in real life."- tanukis_parachute
Hone new skills
"Try to play Smoke on the water on my harp."- Ashtar-the-Squid
The joy of doing nothing
"Rest."- BanzaikoowaidCare Free Black Girls GIF by AuroraDrawsGiphy
Live on without pain
"Enjoy my healthy back without pain."- Knackbein_
Who knows what's in store for us after our lives come to an end.
But living with the idea that something wonderful awaits when our time has come is all people need to continue to live their lives to the fullest, and treat others with the respect and kindness they deserve.
"Fun facts" generally refers to a tidbit of information about a specific topic which the general public might not have otherwise known about.
But the first word in that term can be misleading.
Indeed, some "fun facts" reveal information that isn't remotely "fun" in the slightes.
Redditor Alternative_kachocho was curious to hear some "fun facts" which were anything but fun, leading them to ask:
What's a 'fun fact' that isn’t fun at all?"
Ironically, something you likely don't think about...
"Your brain blocks you from feeling your organs moving around inside you."- Aydengeist06
Try watching Finding Nemonow...
"Only one in a thousand sea turtles born actually make it to adulthood."- Sebs_123
Shocking new light on an age old classic
"In the books, Stuart Little was never explicitly called a mouse."
"He's pretty much described as a deformed mouse-esque person born form human parents."- Red_Beard47stuart little mouse GIF by VIASAT3Giphy
Nature running it's course...
"There's a bird that feeds its younger offspring to the eldest."- Teacup_Cult
I have no allergies... yet
"Speaking from personal experience here, but your body can randomly decide to become allergic to damn near everything edible at any time."
"Not very fun."- smallemochick
Those poor, innocent creatures.
"In some regions of Australia, 90 percent of koalas have chlamydia, which poses a threat to the species' extinction unless a vaccine is created or widespread koala culling takes place."- tiffanyjcrusekoalas kiss GIFGiphy
They'd still be here if they weren't so delicious...
"The giant tortoise was so delicious, it caused not only itself to be hunted to extinction, but also the dodo."
"Giant tortoise meat was supposedly better tasting than chicken."
"It's fat tasted better spread on bread than butter."
"Also, it was the perfect food for sailors at the time, as their bladders stored 1 litre of purified water, and they could survive without food in hibernation for almost a whole year in the hull of a ship."
"Not to mention, because they evolved without humans, they were easy to hunt."
"You could tie one to your back, and roll another to the ship and they would just let you."
"It was so delicious, they went unrecorded for a long time because expeditions to bring living samples of wildlife to Europe kept eating them on the way."
"Conversely, the dodo, while as easily captured by sailors, tasted awful."
"It was completely unpalatable."
"HOWEVER, one day, someone discovered if you cooked dodo meat in the more delicious tortoise fat, it tasted just like chicken."
"So now, sailors were hunting a few tortoises at a time for their fat and water, storing them, and then hunting dodos on the daily."
"Overhunting, plus the introduction of rats to the environment (because sailors) which would eat eggs, led go the population to decline at a rate they could not breed to keep up, leading to both animals going extinct."- Kyhan
Don't forget the nose plugs
"Antarctica smells like penguin poop."
"Antarctica is a desert, it is too cold for bacteria to live."
"Nothing there to clean up penguin droppings."
"If you are close enough to see penguins, you will also smell them."- gummby8
Makes those long lines so worth it...
"The TSA missed 96% of contraband during an inspection in 2015."- omegasix321All Falls Down Tsa GIF by Kanye WestGiphy
"The person who had the first facial transplant had her face chewed up by her Labrador dog while asleep due to sleeping pill overdose." - User Deleted
It's hard not to read some of these "fun facts" and wonder if there should be an alternative term for the facts which aren't fun.
Oh yeah, probably not....