You probably at some point have made up some story just to move your life along more quickly. But sometimes these lies can snowball--will you still be able to get away with it? Come and meet some of these masters of the craft.
Here were some of the answers.
The Easy Way OutGiphy
Don't think it's the biggest, but a favorite of mine:
7th Grade English, we have a project to pick any long novel, read it and do an oral book report to the class with a Q&A. I pick The Shining, and had I given it a shot I would have realized it's a page turner, but to 7th grade me it just looks like a long a** book that is not as fun as video games.
The Teacher set aside a few minutes of each class for us to just sit and read our book. Leading up to the deadline, she sees that I haven't read very much, and keeps badgering me that I need to be reading more at home. I keep assuring her that I'm a fast reader, I'll catch up quickly, I'll get it done, etc.
Cut to the day before my presentation: I have read jack sh!t. I, of course, rent the movie instead. I watch it TWICE just to be sure.
I do my presentation, being as vague about the plot as I can get away with, and throw in some BS about my opinions on Stephen King's writing style that I looked up on the internet. I take questions from my classmates, no problem.
But Teacher appears skeptical this whole time. I mean, there is a very popular movie based on this book, and I was not on pace to have any chance at finishing this thing...it doesn't take a genius to be suspicious. And I know we have to end by letting HER ask a question, so I'm a little worried. Finally, I ask her for her question.
Teacher: "Yes, Orange_Kid, I was wondering if you could tell us some of the major differences between the book and the movie."
F*CK! My heart sinks for a just a moment, and then I come up with it:
"I'm sorry, I don't know.....I never saw the movie."
I am terrible at thinking on my feet, so I'm proud of that moment.
The War...It Sucks
I was interviewing for a bunch of exclusive private high schools. During one of my interviews, the lady asked what worldly current events I cared about. I f*cking froze and couldn't think of any news story at all lol. I paused and just said "the war," and BURST out crying uncontrollably because I had nothing else to say on the matter except "it sucks." So I am crying and the lady goes "oh no! sweetheart, do you know someone overseas." And I just nodded and she apologized profusely.
When it came time for my parents to join us in the interview, she told my parents she was sorry about our family member fighting in Iraq. They just looked at her and nodded, didn't say anything, had no idea what she was talking about.
Anyways, this woman fell in love with me and said I was such a uniquely compassionate 13-year-old. She ended up calling me the night we were supposed to tell them if we were attending or not. I felt bad but I ended up somewhere else.
This isn't my biggest lie, but for some reason popped in my head.
BA In Lying
I failed my final year at university but couldn't face the shame of telling my parents. So I told them I passed. They wanted to go to my graduation ceremony so I faked an illness and said I wouldn't be able attend. This was so they wouldn't book flights. Then at the last second I told them I was feeling better and would attend. I got my buddys graduation photo and got my face photoshopped in to his. I sent this to my folks, where they framed it. 15 years later its still on their living room wall.
Obviously I had to re-take the final year but couldn't ask my folks for money. So I just said I was going to stay and look for work whilst I plan my career. Worked my *ss off that summer to save every cent I would need for upcoming year. Got a bank loan and max some credit cards. My final year was really really tough as I had to work evenings and weekends to pay rent, food and tuition. I passed though.
I went to my real graduation ceremony and felt really sad I couldn't tell my parents they could attend as I didn't want to tell them I lied.
Not biggest, but most amusing.
My wife and I were in Mexico, stopped at a convenience store to get some snacks and stuff. The clerk told her how much it was, in Spanish. My wife looked confused for a moment, so I repeated the total for her in English.
I could tell it made an impression on her. For a long time after, when talking about foreign language she would tell people how quickly I pick up on it when travelling. I know this was when she first formed that opinion.
I've never told her, I read the number on the cash register.
A 4 Year GapGiphy
There is a social circle I am in that all think I am 4 years older than I am. It originated as a way for underage me to get a drink in a bar, and well I never exposed the truth. So now a couple dozen friends and even a couple short lived girlfriends all think that I am exactly 4 years older than I am.
I have been to birthdays, engagement parties, and even a wedding with these people. I still regularly go out to get drinks with this group. We play some sports together, we watch a lot of movies, we have good times and bad.
But my life has this big 4 year gap in it that, through years of stories and questions, has become a false period. Effectively I took two parts of my life and expanded them to make the dates add up. I lived in Brazil before college, but to this group that was three years instead of one. And I lived in New Zealand after college, but again, one year becomes three. False dates for graduations, and different steps in life have been a little hard to keep track of, but I manage.
Honestly I only don't tell them because of how long it has been. Plenty of these people are younger than I claim to be, but I fear the awkwardness of exposing a lie they have believed for years.
I told my English class in grade 9 or 10 that I had tried out for American Idol, even though i'm Canadian. I was home sick the day of the tryouts, so I had a pretty good set up I thought.
One of the guys called me on my shit, asked me to bring in my "paper number" the thing that the contestants wear on their shirt to give them an "ID number"
My dad used to do bike races, he had a bunch of those things, I cut off the top that said "British Columbia Racing" or something like that and brought that in, the guy was flabbergasted.
My teacher then asked me what song I sung, So I said "I just wanted to get on TV so I sung the Pokemon Theme song!"
Teacher then wanted me to sing it, but I said I was too shy.
No one ever asked me about it again.
Sorry Brian, you got me, you deserve to know.
My best friend has a funny, cool older brother named Jason. We all went to church together and eventually me and my buddy got old enough for youth group where Jason was.
Well the first time I ever met my youth pastor, Jason turns to me and says "hey make up a fake name and just roll with it"... The youth pastor was similar to Jason in that they both were big jokesters so I shook his hand and said "Hi, I'm Derick Johnson" (possibly one of y'alls name out there, but not my real name). He welcomed me and then left to prepare his lesson. Obviously me and my buddies lose it and burst out laughing as soon as he walks away.
Soon enough he starts his lesson and I'm waiting until after to tell him I'm not Derick Johnson. Well as I'm about to break the news, Jason stops me and convinces me to keep it going. Says it'll fade out eventually.
It did not. We got super into it and eventually it became natural. 2 entire years spent of conditioning myself to only respond to "Derick" when called by people at church and my real name everywhere else. We would go on a bunch of field trips to various places including Disney where my ticket even said Derick Johnson on it.
One day we were paint balling and me and my pastor began talking about life. He asked what my dad does for a living and I talked about the software distribution company he works for. Apparently 25 years ago my youth pastor ALSO worked for the same company... and sat next to my dad who he plays golf with regularly.
That was quite a moment to get caught in haha
Secret Self Help
A couple years ago I started seeing a therapist I didn't want my parents to know about. I was 18 so I didn't need them to sign on, and I paid out of pocket with money from a part time job I had. My brother and I shared a car but since he was at college out of town it was effectively mine, and I used it to get to my therapist's office.
I went to my appointments at the same time every week and told my mom that I was going out with some friends for bingo night at a local pizza parlor. Since I actually did have a history of going out to play board games with friends this didn't raise any suspicion.
One day about a month into this I walk out of my appointment to see my mom's car parked next to mine. I think 'fuck it's over now I gotta tell her' and walk over. She's standing by her car when I walk over, I'm not sure if she saw me come out of the building but I think she must have.
She said something to the effect of "what are you doing here?" I said something like "uh" and she goes "did you come out here to be alone?" So I just went with it; put on a sheepish face and said something like "yeah, pretty much". She says "yeah I come out here too when I need to cry sometimes" I didn't know what to say to that so I gave her a hug, drove off to run some other errands, then went home.
She never brought it up again, and I continued seeing that therapist for 7 months with no one the wiser. I have no idea how my mom didn't pick up on it then, writing this I wonder if maybe she did she just didn't want to confront me about it or something. But then again I doubt it, my Mom can be pretty oblivious. Still, for those 8 months no one knew I was seeing anyone or (from what I know) suspected anything.
High School Illuminati
In high school, I convinced some of my younger friends (I was a junior, they were freshmen) that our high school had a secret society/club. I got some of my friends my age in on it too. It started out as a practical joke, but they believed me hook line and sinker so I went further. I created email addresses, a constitution for the club, and a crest. Then we actually started having meetings. Anyways, I'm in college now and my high school now has a secret society that my freshmen (now senior) friends are running.
All For A LieGiphy
My first year walking to school alone was the 7th grade and I was late a lot. It got to a point that the teachers told me I would have to do all the days chores(putting chairs down in the morning, wiping boards clean, cleaning after lunch, putting away chairs and supplies etc), if I was late again.
Well the next day I was running late as usual. Being a lazy SOB that I am, I knew I had to do something to get out of doing the daily chores. So when the teacher asked me why I was late, I thought back on the assembly we had a few weeks prior on school safety. So I told the teacher that a strange man pulled up to me when I was coming into school grounds and asked me to come with him to see some puppies.
I honestly thought that would be a good enough excuse and it would be the end of it. F*cking, NOPE. School was suspended for the rest of the day, police were called, and my parents were called in. I was interviewed for the entire day, Had to describe the man, the car, everything. They ended up hiring a security officer for the grounds because of that incident and put in a few new cameras. We had quarterly school assemblies because of it too.
And it was all for nothing. Because less than a week later I was late again and had to do all the daily chores.
Love is crazy. I've finally come to that conclusion. And marriage, you take your life in your hands and just throw caution to the wind in hopes of survival with that step.
When love falls apart, things can get real messy, real fast. And I've always been stunned by people's behavior when love subsides.
More often than not, it's like they become different people. Sometimes people are beset by tragedy and grief and sometimes people smile wide and move on. It's a coin toss.
But my favorite post divorce personality has to be the sudden super villain. Oh honey watch out for them!
Redditor u/hyperyog wanted to hear all the tea from the divorcees out there by asking:
Divorced Redditors, what is the craziest thing you or your former spouse did after divorce?
I once had a friend who burned her ex's house down when he wasn't home. He had started seeing someone almost immediately, so she thought, lemme set their sparks. Yeah, she wasn't well. Whatever happened to just a quick goodbye?
Swipeddean winters crying GIF by MayhemGiphy
"She removed the retaining clips for my windshield wipers, but put the wipers back on the arms. First storm after I got my car back from her, driver side wiper flew off the car on Interstate 40. Good times."
"He wrote suicide notes and put them in my kids backpacks for them/me to find. Then he turned off his phone and went to a coworkers house to play crib and have drinks.. all the while knowing I would be freaking out searching for him thinking he was in danger or worse. Thankfully my kids didn't see the notes and didn't know what was going on. This was just one of the many, many crazy things he did. Two years out and he just recently stopped showing up at my work and driving by my house at night."
A Sad End
"Died of a drug overdose. To be fair, her drug addiction was the reason for the divorce, so maybe that isn't too crazy."
"That's so incredibly difficult to have gone through. I unfortunately know the depths of this kind of pain, and while I'm sure the circumstances surrounding it are different, the loss that still happened is a tragedy. My condolences."
"Stalked me for 5 years. Would make fake social media profiles to try to follow me (which I would block endlessly) and would try to find where I worked so she could talk to me. This lady cheated on me with 7 different men 2 months after we were married. I kicked her a** to the curb and made her sign the court papers."
"When we had our day in court she cried in the judges office while I just wanted to get this crap done. After, my dad was with me and he threw 50 dollars at her and told her to "change your freaking last name." Good guy Pops. I haven't seen or heard from her in about 5 years, thank goodness."
Take it All!skin care spinning GIF by Primal Life OrganicsGiphy
"I had an ex-boyfriend go through my apartment and take back every gift he had given me that he could find. Then he went in my bedside table and took the condoms. And the vibrator he had given me."
See now, when I'm out... I'm out! I don't want to see you, hear from you or know you. I wish you well in life, but please live it far from me. Anyone agree? Clearly not the people here. Let's continue...
For the Boybicycling father and son GIF by NETFLIXGiphy
"All I wanted was custody of my son, I gave her everything else except one of our cars. She fought me through 5 hearings, I won. She never came to see him again."
"My ex cheated on me the week my mom died in the hospital. She spent a year and a half trying to get in touch with me. She would call my old work and make fake accounts trying to message me on FB. It was insane. She later sends a certified letter explaining she was sorry that she did what she did and that she aborted our child."
"Wanted me to meet her somewhere so she could apologize face to face. She already married some other guy that she had children with and was still trying to get in touch with me. I never understood her."
"After years of telling me she wanted a child, that she wanted to be a mom, that her life's dream was to be a stay at home mom, she got pregnant with the first guy she slept with while we were getting divorced and put the kid up for adoption even before it was born. This was a long-standing thing with her, she always wanted something (car, house, dog, cat, marriage, etc) and the second she got it she immediately hated it."
"Called me and pretended he had been hit by a car while we were talking. He even tried to voice the crowd that had gathered around his "body." God-awful acting, but pretty funny listening to him try to mimic a woman's voice. Points for trying to be inclusive, I guess."
"I think he was trying to get me to re-live my trauma of being on the phone with a friend who actually HAD been hit by a car while we were talking. Too bad he didn't realize that hearing the real thing is worlds different than hearing a dumba** try to act it out."
"I was sending 600 dollars a month to support my daughter because she's the only thing I give a sh!t about. My ex texts me and tells me I need to be sending 1200 a month because she's broke and can't pay her bills and I should feel guilty about it. She left me for another guy while I was on deployment I told her to go screw herself--call my lawyer."
Pop OffTom Hanks Drinking GIF by The Good FilmsGiphy
"Took the sodas from the fridge as he walked out the door. Dumfounded."
See, I blame Alanis Morissette and her "Jagged Little Pill" album. All I'm going to say is... the secret song. I think she gave people ideas. (I love that song) Y'all, seek therapy if you can't shake people. When it's done, let it be done.
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Celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay is highly regarded for his delicious plates, his ability to run a solid restaurant, and, let's face it, his stage presence.
He's also a foul-mouthed Brit who is all too willing to dismantle people's self-esteems and compare them to livestock animals.
Alas, as watching all reality television goes, we love to see the crashing and burning.
But what if the shoe was on the other foot? What if you were the one being torn into by the sailor of all chefs, Mr. Gordon Ramsay.
Wondering what horrible dishes were lurking in unknown kitchens all over the place, Redditor FalloutSl*t413 asked:
"What's something you made that was 100% delicious but Gordon Ramsay would slap you for anyway?"
Some people talked about those purely functional meals that are just perfect for piling on enough protein and calories to get through the day.
"My mom used to make us 'Volcanoes.' Mashed potatoes topped with ground beef with some ketchup. I still tear it up to this day."
Quick and Easy
"I make weeknight 'enchiladas.' "
"You stick frozen taquitos in a casserole dish and cover them with canned or frozen chili and cheese. Bake them until everything's hot, serve with a dollop of sour cream. They sound disgusting but they taste amazing, and they take like, five minutes to prep."
"I know it looks like, smells like, and probably tastes like cat food but potted meat sandwiches. Look, when you're poor as hell and you can make 3 sandwiches with one little can that cost like 20 cents, it's pretty good."
"While I'm at it, Treet and bologna are pretty great. I have the taste palette of a raccoon and I like it that way."
"When I was younger I would make this thing where it was a patty melded of:"
- "a can of tuna"
- "two eggs
"And I would eat that almost daily, pan-fried, for lunch. Just slap me now and lets get it over with."
Others shared the recipes they make to feel fancy despite being totally trashy.
A Nuanced Process
"I call them 'chicken puffs.' Some par-cooked chicken (white or dark meat, either works) with sauteed serrano peppers and onions and garlic."
"All wrapped in crescent roll dough in little balls (a bit smaller than a baseball), put in a casserole tray filled juuuuust above the top of the little dough balls with cream of roasted chicken soup. Baked to completion/safety."
"Overly indulgent and delicious."
A Famous Side
"I consistently make a box of pastaroni angel hair and herbs as a side with meals I prepare for people. EVERYONE always asks for the recipe LOL please don't tell my secret"
Just a Couple Additions
" 'Fancy Ramen' Ramen made normal. Don't mix seasoning. Drain water. Add Mayo. Then mix in seasoning. And Volia. A lot of people question it. Until they try it."
Others outlined the things they eat that combine some ingredients it may seem disgusting to mix together.
Throw An Egg On There
"Fu** it lasagna, alternating layers of bread and shredded cheese (your choice which, I use cheddar) then crack an egg on top and put it in the microwave. Old depression meal, but it still holds up."
Hard to Wrap Your Head Around
"As a kid I would eat a banana with a cheese slice. Haven't tried it in years but it might hold up" -- Send_it_to_me
"Let's not" -- Sea-Entertainer-4974
"When I was younger I would make toast with peanut butter on it, then add pepperoni. Delicious then but I cringe thinking about trying it today"
The truly horrifying thing? There are so many more recipes out there that would leave Ramsay trembling.
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People love to talk about food. There are blogs, books, television shows, conversations in bars and farmers markets. In all likelihood, there is a recipe swap happening right this second in some deep corner of a suburb somewhere.
But sometimes talk is a lot of hot air. And the topic of food sure isn't immune to that criticism.
You can't get through a day without some telling you what "you gotta try."
The problem is, talking about food is often far more exciting than the food itself.
Redditor anicaodha asked:
"What food is overhyped?"
Many people were angry about garnishes. They hated the way restaurants try to entice people to eat certain menu items by slapping some kitschy ingredient on there.
A Very Expensive Burger
"Anything with gold flakes, absolutely pointless." -- Spend_Total
"ugh, i just remembered throwing up gold flakes from goldschlager, yuck!" -- spaceygracie12
"Aka how to add a crunch to your dish like a douche." -- CakeBot_TheReckoning
Catches the Eye Though
"Any rainbow food, rainbow grilled cheese, rainbow smoothie..."
"Just a cheap money grab."
No Breath On My Meal Please
"Dragon's breath/ nitro puffs or any dessert that contains liquid nitrogen to make it look cool." -- throwjango
"This stuff exists? God, I'm out of the loop." -- -The-Magic-8-Ball
"Truffle oil, usually doesn't contain a single truffle." -- BlckontheMoon
"The 1 thing I love about Truffle oil is I've never seen someone use it on a cooking competition show and not lose." -- igotmadshirts
Some people talked about the big trends that they just never could quite figure out.
That Almighty Nectar
"Remember when people were treating Nutella like it was the second coming of Christ?" -- Grapezard
"I had an Italian friend once invite me to his birthday party in high school. His mom made a Nutella pie and it was one of the greatest desserts I've never had the pleasure of trying again. It was so simple, like a soft flaky dough covered with Nutella."
"I don't want to come out of the blue and ask this kid for his mom's recipe 15 years later so I'll just suffer I suppose." -- JupiterTarts
"Red velvet is literally a red chocolate cake that has nowhere near enough chocolate and to much red food coloring. It literally was invented when done dudes chocolate turned kinda red when he added vinegar to the chocolate cake mix."
"Friends loved the color, but it was finicky to get the red color without changing flavor of cake, so he decided to use red food coloring."
"Fu**ing Avocado Toast.
"Avocado is a buck. Toast is few cents. Avocado Toast is $10+"
And some discussed the things that people insist are fancy and delectable, but are really just run of the mill entirely.
Meat is Meat?
"steak is good, and I'd even say a high quality steak can be very very good. But people act like it's better than busting a nut and that's just not true. It's just meat"
"Lobster. It's good, but poor value given it's almost always the most expensive protein available."
"Plus most places just drown it in butter, which again, fine, but if all you taste is butter, why spend that much?"
Depends on the House
" 'Housemade' ketchup. Give me the damn Heinz and get your banana aoili mess away from me." -- peanutbutterallytime
"I live in Pittsburgh and I have seen multiple restaurants try and fail to make housemade ketchup work. Every single time they go back to Heinz." -- HooBoy401
So if you find yourself tired of hearing people go on and on about something you don't go wild over, know that there are others fuming too.
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It's not easy to always do the right thing.
Which is why most people don't usually do the right thing. Doing the right thing involves a lot of thought, empathy for others, and a self-awareness of your place in the world. You're not making a choice just for yourself, you're more often than not doing it for someone else. This, in itself, presents a difficult hill for most people to climb so, usually, they feel it's easier to make the selfish choice.
Doesn't mean people always do. They can surprise you sometimes.
*The following article contains discussion of suicide/self-harm.
What's the hardest moral decision you've ever had to make?
Even when the choice amounts to something small, it can still matter to someone else.
How Dare You Make Me Morally Astute?!
"This is small potatoes compared to most of the people on this thread but many years ago I was travelling and had very little money. I went to a stall at a market, handed them a 10 dollar bill. Item cost 5 dollars but instead of handing me a five dollar note, the handed me a 50."
"I was walking away from the stall when noticed. My first thought was BONUS. But I had lately been hanging out with a bunch of people who were really into karma. So I stormed back to the stall, slammed the 50 down on the counter and told them off for making me make moral decisions. Lady behind the counter was like "ahhhhhh, thanks"
Didn't Believe The First Time, But Can't Deny Visual Evidence
"I told a co-worker his wife was cheating on him. It ruined our friendship for a good amount of time, until he caught her himself."
"To bad he couldn't just believe you."
Owning Up To The Mistake
"Fessing up to an error I made at work that cost the company 5k. I was a manager and misinterpreted a sales promotion. I almost lost my job, this is the one time that telling the truth actually saved me. It's true what they say that the cover up is usually worse than the crime. Lesson learned.."
Doing something morally correct when it comes to family can be tricky. On one hand, you don't want to ruffle the feathers of the people you're going to be related to for the rest of your life...which is how family works.
On the other hand, do the right thing.
Making The Best Call For Your Children
"Removing the mother of my two sons out of their lives completely as she was unfit and abusive while I was on deployment. They were 3-4 years old then and now they are 17 and 15 with their mother never attempting to come back into their lives which I would prefer at this point."
Because They're Going To Be Sad Later...
"My grandmother died, and I lied to my parents about it."
"My grandparents were 95 and my parents hadn't had a vacation in 30 years. So when she passed away with only 5 days remaining on their vacation, my family decided not to ruin it for them; instead, we'd plan the entire funeral and if my mother wanted to make adjustments when she returned, we'd arrange it for her; there was nothing they could do to get her back."
"Having to decide on the DNR (do not resuscitate) order for my father who had been victim to a massive stroke..."
"I know millions have done it before and millions will again but to me it was devastating....."
"As a health worker, you did the right thing by your father. I've come across families of patients who keep them alive for their own peace of mind while the patient themselves is tired and in alot of pain mentally and physically from the constant treatments and would rather rest from it all. Don't feel bad for your decision."
Never doubt your actions when it comes to protecting children.
"Calling CPS on a student's family after she begged me not to. CPS did an investigation and she was pissed at me for months until the vice principal had a talk with her and explained that I only did it because I care and didn't want her to get hurt."
"That VP is awesome. I sat in his office while he coached me through the call, since it was my first time calling CPS."
Standing Up For Your Friend, Even When No One Else Will
"I was in high school and my best friend was being bullied on the bus. She brought a knife to school and had previously mentioned a list of people. I cried a lot when I went to the principal to turn her in. I knew I was ruining her life but I wanted her to get help. I didn't want anyone to get hurt because we were all just kids. She was expelled and forced into therapy. We had been friends since we were 11."
"My mom listened on the phone line when I was trying to comfort my friend (while absolutely not admitting it was me) and my mom jumped on and told her I'm not allowed to be her friend anymore. I had told my mom I had turned her in and she had no empathy for this girl. Because I had been bullied and stood up for myself and never "did anything like that". My friend was getting cornered on the bus by 4 people whereas I was normally taunted in public and was lucky enough to always have an upperclassmen or school employee around to help me out. I felt guilty about turning her life upside down for many years but would do it again because she did get help."
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/