The Easy Way Out

Don't think it's the biggest, but a favorite of mine:

7th Grade English, we have a project to pick any long novel, read it and do an oral book report to the class with a Q&A. I pick The Shining, and had I given it a shot I would have realized it's a page turner, but to 7th grade me it just looks like a long a** book that is not as fun as video games.

The Teacher set aside a few minutes of each class for us to just sit and read our book. Leading up to the deadline, she sees that I haven't read very much, and keeps badgering me that I need to be reading more at home. I keep assuring her that I'm a fast reader, I'll catch up quickly, I'll get it done, etc.

Cut to the day before my presentation: I have read jack sh!t. I, of course, rent the movie instead. I watch it TWICE just to be sure.

I do my presentation, being as vague about the plot as I can get away with, and throw in some BS about my opinions on Stephen King's writing style that I looked up on the internet. I take questions from my classmates, no problem.

But Teacher appears skeptical this whole time. I mean, there is a very popular movie based on this book, and I was not on pace to have any chance at finishing this thing...it doesn't take a genius to be suspicious. And I know we have to end by letting HER ask a question, so I'm a little worried. Finally, I ask her for her question.

Teacher: "Yes, Orange_Kid, I was wondering if you could tell us some of the major differences between the book and the movie."

F*CK! My heart sinks for a just a moment, and then I come up with it:

"I'm sorry, I don't know.....I never saw the movie."

I am terrible at thinking on my feet, so I'm proud of that moment.

Orange_Kid

The War...It Sucks

I was interviewing for a bunch of exclusive private high schools. During one of my interviews, the lady asked what worldly current events I cared about. I f*cking froze and couldn't think of any news story at all lol. I paused and just said "the war," and BURST out crying uncontrollably because I had nothing else to say on the matter except "it sucks." So I am crying and the lady goes "oh no! sweetheart, do you know someone overseas." And I just nodded and she apologized profusely.

When it came time for my parents to join us in the interview, she told my parents she was sorry about our family member fighting in Iraq. They just looked at her and nodded, didn't say anything, had no idea what she was talking about.

Anyways, this woman fell in love with me and said I was such a uniquely compassionate 13-year-old. She ended up calling me the night we were supposed to tell them if we were attending or not. I felt bad but I ended up somewhere else.

This isn't my biggest lie, but for some reason popped in my head.

2timechampion

BA In Lying

I failed my final year at university but couldn't face the shame of telling my parents. So I told them I passed. They wanted to go to my graduation ceremony so I faked an illness and said I wouldn't be able attend. This was so they wouldn't book flights. Then at the last second I told them I was feeling better and would attend. I got my buddys graduation photo and got my face photoshopped in to his. I sent this to my folks, where they framed it. 15 years later its still on their living room wall.

Obviously I had to re-take the final year but couldn't ask my folks for money. So I just said I was going to stay and look for work whilst I plan my career. Worked my *ss off that summer to save every cent I would need for upcoming year. Got a bank loan and max some credit cards. My final year was really really tough as I had to work evenings and weekends to pay rent, food and tuition. I passed though.

I went to my real graduation ceremony and felt really sad I couldn't tell my parents they could attend as I didn't want to tell them I lied.

cheap-as-chimps

Pretendguist

Not biggest, but most amusing.

My wife and I were in Mexico, stopped at a convenience store to get some snacks and stuff. The clerk told her how much it was, in Spanish. My wife looked confused for a moment, so I repeated the total for her in English.

I could tell it made an impression on her. For a long time after, when talking about foreign language she would tell people how quickly I pick up on it when travelling. I know this was when she first formed that opinion.

I've never told her, I read the number on the cash register.

junkeee999

A 4 Year Gap

There is a social circle I am in that all think I am 4 years older than I am. It originated as a way for underage me to get a drink in a bar, and well I never exposed the truth. So now a couple dozen friends and even a couple short lived girlfriends all think that I am exactly 4 years older than I am.

I have been to birthdays, engagement parties, and even a wedding with these people. I still regularly go out to get drinks with this group. We play some sports together, we watch a lot of movies, we have good times and bad.

But my life has this big 4 year gap in it that, through years of stories and questions, has become a false period. Effectively I took two parts of my life and expanded them to make the dates add up. I lived in Brazil before college, but to this group that was three years instead of one. And I lived in New Zealand after college, but again, one year becomes three. False dates for graduations, and different steps in life have been a little hard to keep track of, but I manage.

Honestly I only don't tell them because of how long it has been. Plenty of these people are younger than I claim to be, but I fear the awkwardness of exposing a lie they have believed for years.

goodnt-guy

Dammit Brian

I told my English class in grade 9 or 10 that I had tried out for American Idol, even though i'm Canadian. I was home sick the day of the tryouts, so I had a pretty good set up I thought.

One of the guys called me on my shit, asked me to bring in my "paper number" the thing that the contestants wear on their shirt to give them an "ID number"

My dad used to do bike races, he had a bunch of those things, I cut off the top that said "British Columbia Racing" or something like that and brought that in, the guy was flabbergasted.

My teacher then asked me what song I sung, So I said "I just wanted to get on TV so I sung the Pokemon Theme song!"

Teacher then wanted me to sing it, but I said I was too shy.

No one ever asked me about it again.

Sorry Brian, you got me, you deserve to know.

sixesand7s

Pastor Johnson

My best friend has a funny, cool older brother named Jason. We all went to church together and eventually me and my buddy got old enough for youth group where Jason was.

Well the first time I ever met my youth pastor, Jason turns to me and says "hey make up a fake name and just roll with it"... The youth pastor was similar to Jason in that they both were big jokesters so I shook his hand and said "Hi, I'm Derick Johnson" (possibly one of y'alls name out there, but not my real name). He welcomed me and then left to prepare his lesson. Obviously me and my buddies lose it and burst out laughing as soon as he walks away.

Soon enough he starts his lesson and I'm waiting until after to tell him I'm not Derick Johnson. Well as I'm about to break the news, Jason stops me and convinces me to keep it going. Says it'll fade out eventually.

It did not. We got super into it and eventually it became natural. 2 entire years spent of conditioning myself to only respond to "Derick" when called by people at church and my real name everywhere else. We would go on a bunch of field trips to various places including Disney where my ticket even said Derick Johnson on it.

One day we were paint balling and me and my pastor began talking about life. He asked what my dad does for a living and I talked about the software distribution company he works for. Apparently 25 years ago my youth pastor ALSO worked for the same company... and sat next to my dad who he plays golf with regularly.

That was quite a moment to get caught in haha

bonybug

Secret Self Help

A couple years ago I started seeing a therapist I didn't want my parents to know about. I was 18 so I didn't need them to sign on, and I paid out of pocket with money from a part time job I had. My brother and I shared a car but since he was at college out of town it was effectively mine, and I used it to get to my therapist's office.

I went to my appointments at the same time every week and told my mom that I was going out with some friends for bingo night at a local pizza parlor. Since I actually did have a history of going out to play board games with friends this didn't raise any suspicion.

One day about a month into this I walk out of my appointment to see my mom's car parked next to mine. I think 'fuck it's over now I gotta tell her' and walk over. She's standing by her car when I walk over, I'm not sure if she saw me come out of the building but I think she must have.

She said something to the effect of "what are you doing here?" I said something like "uh" and she goes "did you come out here to be alone?" So I just went with it; put on a sheepish face and said something like "yeah, pretty much". She says "yeah I come out here too when I need to cry sometimes" I didn't know what to say to that so I gave her a hug, drove off to run some other errands, then went home.

She never brought it up again, and I continued seeing that therapist for 7 months with no one the wiser. I have no idea how my mom didn't pick up on it then, writing this I wonder if maybe she did she just didn't want to confront me about it or something. But then again I doubt it, my Mom can be pretty oblivious. Still, for those 8 months no one knew I was seeing anyone or (from what I know) suspected anything.

sh*tposting1667

High School Illuminati

In high school, I convinced some of my younger friends (I was a junior, they were freshmen) that our high school had a secret society/club. I got some of my friends my age in on it too. It started out as a practical joke, but they believed me hook line and sinker so I went further. I created email addresses, a constitution for the club, and a crest. Then we actually started having meetings. Anyways, I'm in college now and my high school now has a secret society that my freshmen (now senior) friends are running.

magicalmoodygirl

All For A Lie

My first year walking to school alone was the 7th grade and I was late a lot. It got to a point that the teachers told me I would have to do all the days chores(putting chairs down in the morning, wiping boards clean, cleaning after lunch, putting away chairs and supplies etc), if I was late again.

Well the next day I was running late as usual. Being a lazy SOB that I am, I knew I had to do something to get out of doing the daily chores. So when the teacher asked me why I was late, I thought back on the assembly we had a few weeks prior on school safety. So I told the teacher that a strange man pulled up to me when I was coming into school grounds and asked me to come with him to see some puppies.

I honestly thought that would be a good enough excuse and it would be the end of it. F*cking, NOPE. School was suspended for the rest of the day, police were called, and my parents were called in. I was interviewed for the entire day, Had to describe the man, the car, everything. They ended up hiring a security officer for the grounds because of that incident and put in a few new cameras. We had quarterly school assemblies because of it too.

And it was all for nothing. Because less than a week later I was late again and had to do all the daily chores.

Yoinkie2013