You probably at some point have made up some story just to move your life along more quickly. But sometimes these lies can snowball--will you still be able to get away with it? Come and meet some of these masters of the craft.
Here were some of the answers.
The Easy Way OutGiphy
Don't think it's the biggest, but a favorite of mine:
7th Grade English, we have a project to pick any long novel, read it and do an oral book report to the class with a Q&A. I pick The Shining, and had I given it a shot I would have realized it's a page turner, but to 7th grade me it just looks like a long a** book that is not as fun as video games.
The Teacher set aside a few minutes of each class for us to just sit and read our book. Leading up to the deadline, she sees that I haven't read very much, and keeps badgering me that I need to be reading more at home. I keep assuring her that I'm a fast reader, I'll catch up quickly, I'll get it done, etc.
Cut to the day before my presentation: I have read jack sh!t. I, of course, rent the movie instead. I watch it TWICE just to be sure.
I do my presentation, being as vague about the plot as I can get away with, and throw in some BS about my opinions on Stephen King's writing style that I looked up on the internet. I take questions from my classmates, no problem.
But Teacher appears skeptical this whole time. I mean, there is a very popular movie based on this book, and I was not on pace to have any chance at finishing this thing...it doesn't take a genius to be suspicious. And I know we have to end by letting HER ask a question, so I'm a little worried. Finally, I ask her for her question.
Teacher: "Yes, Orange_Kid, I was wondering if you could tell us some of the major differences between the book and the movie."
F*CK! My heart sinks for a just a moment, and then I come up with it:
"I'm sorry, I don't know.....I never saw the movie."
I am terrible at thinking on my feet, so I'm proud of that moment.
The War...It Sucks
I was interviewing for a bunch of exclusive private high schools. During one of my interviews, the lady asked what worldly current events I cared about. I f*cking froze and couldn't think of any news story at all lol. I paused and just said "the war," and BURST out crying uncontrollably because I had nothing else to say on the matter except "it sucks." So I am crying and the lady goes "oh no! sweetheart, do you know someone overseas." And I just nodded and she apologized profusely.
When it came time for my parents to join us in the interview, she told my parents she was sorry about our family member fighting in Iraq. They just looked at her and nodded, didn't say anything, had no idea what she was talking about.
Anyways, this woman fell in love with me and said I was such a uniquely compassionate 13-year-old. She ended up calling me the night we were supposed to tell them if we were attending or not. I felt bad but I ended up somewhere else.
This isn't my biggest lie, but for some reason popped in my head.
BA In Lying
I failed my final year at university but couldn't face the shame of telling my parents. So I told them I passed. They wanted to go to my graduation ceremony so I faked an illness and said I wouldn't be able attend. This was so they wouldn't book flights. Then at the last second I told them I was feeling better and would attend. I got my buddys graduation photo and got my face photoshopped in to his. I sent this to my folks, where they framed it. 15 years later its still on their living room wall.
Obviously I had to re-take the final year but couldn't ask my folks for money. So I just said I was going to stay and look for work whilst I plan my career. Worked my *ss off that summer to save every cent I would need for upcoming year. Got a bank loan and max some credit cards. My final year was really really tough as I had to work evenings and weekends to pay rent, food and tuition. I passed though.
I went to my real graduation ceremony and felt really sad I couldn't tell my parents they could attend as I didn't want to tell them I lied.
Not biggest, but most amusing.
My wife and I were in Mexico, stopped at a convenience store to get some snacks and stuff. The clerk told her how much it was, in Spanish. My wife looked confused for a moment, so I repeated the total for her in English.
I could tell it made an impression on her. For a long time after, when talking about foreign language she would tell people how quickly I pick up on it when travelling. I know this was when she first formed that opinion.
I've never told her, I read the number on the cash register.
A 4 Year GapGiphy
There is a social circle I am in that all think I am 4 years older than I am. It originated as a way for underage me to get a drink in a bar, and well I never exposed the truth. So now a couple dozen friends and even a couple short lived girlfriends all think that I am exactly 4 years older than I am.
I have been to birthdays, engagement parties, and even a wedding with these people. I still regularly go out to get drinks with this group. We play some sports together, we watch a lot of movies, we have good times and bad.
But my life has this big 4 year gap in it that, through years of stories and questions, has become a false period. Effectively I took two parts of my life and expanded them to make the dates add up. I lived in Brazil before college, but to this group that was three years instead of one. And I lived in New Zealand after college, but again, one year becomes three. False dates for graduations, and different steps in life have been a little hard to keep track of, but I manage.
Honestly I only don't tell them because of how long it has been. Plenty of these people are younger than I claim to be, but I fear the awkwardness of exposing a lie they have believed for years.
I told my English class in grade 9 or 10 that I had tried out for American Idol, even though i'm Canadian. I was home sick the day of the tryouts, so I had a pretty good set up I thought.
One of the guys called me on my shit, asked me to bring in my "paper number" the thing that the contestants wear on their shirt to give them an "ID number"
My dad used to do bike races, he had a bunch of those things, I cut off the top that said "British Columbia Racing" or something like that and brought that in, the guy was flabbergasted.
My teacher then asked me what song I sung, So I said "I just wanted to get on TV so I sung the Pokemon Theme song!"
Teacher then wanted me to sing it, but I said I was too shy.
No one ever asked me about it again.
Sorry Brian, you got me, you deserve to know.
My best friend has a funny, cool older brother named Jason. We all went to church together and eventually me and my buddy got old enough for youth group where Jason was.
Well the first time I ever met my youth pastor, Jason turns to me and says "hey make up a fake name and just roll with it"... The youth pastor was similar to Jason in that they both were big jokesters so I shook his hand and said "Hi, I'm Derick Johnson" (possibly one of y'alls name out there, but not my real name). He welcomed me and then left to prepare his lesson. Obviously me and my buddies lose it and burst out laughing as soon as he walks away.
Soon enough he starts his lesson and I'm waiting until after to tell him I'm not Derick Johnson. Well as I'm about to break the news, Jason stops me and convinces me to keep it going. Says it'll fade out eventually.
It did not. We got super into it and eventually it became natural. 2 entire years spent of conditioning myself to only respond to "Derick" when called by people at church and my real name everywhere else. We would go on a bunch of field trips to various places including Disney where my ticket even said Derick Johnson on it.
One day we were paint balling and me and my pastor began talking about life. He asked what my dad does for a living and I talked about the software distribution company he works for. Apparently 25 years ago my youth pastor ALSO worked for the same company... and sat next to my dad who he plays golf with regularly.
That was quite a moment to get caught in haha
Secret Self Help
A couple years ago I started seeing a therapist I didn't want my parents to know about. I was 18 so I didn't need them to sign on, and I paid out of pocket with money from a part time job I had. My brother and I shared a car but since he was at college out of town it was effectively mine, and I used it to get to my therapist's office.
I went to my appointments at the same time every week and told my mom that I was going out with some friends for bingo night at a local pizza parlor. Since I actually did have a history of going out to play board games with friends this didn't raise any suspicion.
One day about a month into this I walk out of my appointment to see my mom's car parked next to mine. I think 'fuck it's over now I gotta tell her' and walk over. She's standing by her car when I walk over, I'm not sure if she saw me come out of the building but I think she must have.
She said something to the effect of "what are you doing here?" I said something like "uh" and she goes "did you come out here to be alone?" So I just went with it; put on a sheepish face and said something like "yeah, pretty much". She says "yeah I come out here too when I need to cry sometimes" I didn't know what to say to that so I gave her a hug, drove off to run some other errands, then went home.
She never brought it up again, and I continued seeing that therapist for 7 months with no one the wiser. I have no idea how my mom didn't pick up on it then, writing this I wonder if maybe she did she just didn't want to confront me about it or something. But then again I doubt it, my Mom can be pretty oblivious. Still, for those 8 months no one knew I was seeing anyone or (from what I know) suspected anything.
High School Illuminati
In high school, I convinced some of my younger friends (I was a junior, they were freshmen) that our high school had a secret society/club. I got some of my friends my age in on it too. It started out as a practical joke, but they believed me hook line and sinker so I went further. I created email addresses, a constitution for the club, and a crest. Then we actually started having meetings. Anyways, I'm in college now and my high school now has a secret society that my freshmen (now senior) friends are running.
All For A LieGiphy
My first year walking to school alone was the 7th grade and I was late a lot. It got to a point that the teachers told me I would have to do all the days chores(putting chairs down in the morning, wiping boards clean, cleaning after lunch, putting away chairs and supplies etc), if I was late again.
Well the next day I was running late as usual. Being a lazy SOB that I am, I knew I had to do something to get out of doing the daily chores. So when the teacher asked me why I was late, I thought back on the assembly we had a few weeks prior on school safety. So I told the teacher that a strange man pulled up to me when I was coming into school grounds and asked me to come with him to see some puppies.
I honestly thought that would be a good enough excuse and it would be the end of it. F*cking, NOPE. School was suspended for the rest of the day, police were called, and my parents were called in. I was interviewed for the entire day, Had to describe the man, the car, everything. They ended up hiring a security officer for the grounds because of that incident and put in a few new cameras. We had quarterly school assemblies because of it too.
And it was all for nothing. Because less than a week later I was late again and had to do all the daily chores.
We've all said something stupid, let's not lie to ourselves.
It's okay to say something stupid. It showcases the real person on the inside, that we're all flawed, imperfect, and made of cooky combinations of words that don't necessarily line up to make sense. Sometimes we're nervous in a situation, other times we're just hitting 'Quick Reply' in our brains and what comes out doens't work, but whatever the reason, you for sure are going to remember it, late at night, for the rest of your life.
What is the stupidest thing that ever came out of your mouth?
You may not have to change your home address because of these moments, but you should probably reconsider how many public outings you go to afterwards.
Should Probably Never Shop At That Store Again
"When the cashier said "Have a nice day", and I replied with "No, thanks".
"Background: I wasnt thinking straight that day, and thought they said "Do you want a bag"
That's. How. Twins. Work?
"Her: the twins are 3 years old"
"Me: Both of them?"
"Oh no this unearthed a memory i had buried from kindergarten lmao"
"We had a set of twins in our classroom and once on their birthday party I said "your brother got such a cool party, i hope yours is nice like this too" to one of them and he was like "yeah, this one"
"4 year old me was not a very bright kid"
That's. How. Death. Works...
"Watching the documentary 'The Last Dance' when a Kobe interview pops up -"
"Me: "Wow, they must have filmed this before Kobe died."
"My wife: "Yeah, obviously…."
The cringe comes out of nowhere, and you're not even sure how you were able to ask something so incredibly stupid, but here you are. Lounging in the stupid air.
You Should Have Asked What "Nothing" Tastes Like Next
"In my head I was wondering what one pound of water would look like in terms of volume. What I said out loud however was "How much does a pound of water weigh?"
Keep Up With Me
"A couple of months ago, I got up and drove to work as usual. Later, my girlfriend texted me from home to ask me if she had left her sunglasses in my car. I told her I wasn't sure, but she could grab my spare key and go check."
"In my car."
"Which I had driven to work."
Black Is White, White Is Black
"I don't understand why people place bets on who wins, why not just place bets on who loses?"
"Yeah took me a minute to register what I said..."
And then there's these stories, where the person is probably better off cutting off any human contact henceforth going forward. These are rough to get through, folks.
Should Probably Have A Chat With HR After This
"I was about 4 months into my current job, feeling confident being fresh off the contract-to-hire period, now moved into a coveted full time role. While walking back to my office from the morning kanban I was stopped by my boss, head peeking out of the office:"
"Boss: "Hey TheMediator, do you have a sec?"
"Me: "For you, I've got lots of secs!"
"Boss: wide-eyes, mouth dropped"
"If you're curious why this was incredibly stupid/embarrassing, try saying the phrase "lots of secs" out loud. Preferably, not to your boss though."
You Don't Need College Anymore. Go Home. Bury Your Head In The Sand.
"In my freshman year of college I was dorming next door to a couple cute girls. About a week into the first semester one girl walked from the coed showers to her dorm room in her towel still wet. We were both unlocking our doors to get in our rooms when she looks at me and says…"
"I know I look stunning…(sarcastically)"
"To which I replied, "don't flatter yourself."
"I had to slid a note under her door explaining I was tongue tied as she was beautiful and I meant to say "don't be hard on yourself, you look great." (Or something to that nature). We became good friends."
It's In The Descriptor?
"Chatting to a homeless guy on the street and he told me he was feeling unwell. I told him he should be at home, resting."
"It's been 20 years and the memory of it still brings me out in a cold sweat."
Oh Good Lord...
"Asked my friend how his mom was doing at his moms funeral."
"Jesus Christ this is the worst one on this thread. What was his response?"
"He looked at me and then the casket and kind of smirked. I awkwardly started to try and explain and just said "I'm an idiot. You know I love you. Talk to you in a bit." He makes fun of me now and I can't stop laughing. It's a positive painful memory."
Own up to your mistakes. You'll garner more respect by acknowledging the awkward things you say, however, it's perfectly fine to laugh about it in the moment. That's probably the easiest way to escape the deep, deep shame.
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The advice "fake it til you make it," though often said with at least a hint of sarcasm, does carry quite a bit of wisdom.
By simply putting one foot in front of the other, weathering the chaos of not knowing what's happening as you learn as fast as possible, we can find ourselves further than we expected.
Once we're there, reaping the fruits of all our "faking," we somehow begin to take on a new identity in people's eyes They assume we've always been in control and known what was going on. They defer to us for advice.
But that couldn't be further from the truth. So we keep on faking it.
Redditor espectro11 asked:
"What's your 'I don't know, I didn't think I'd get this far' moment?"
Many Redditors discussed their experiences navigating the intimidating environment of job applications, interviews, and offers.
Oh Right, Getting Paid
"I gave my resume to fancy private school (I'm a teacher, but new to the field) and I didn't expect a call back. But they called me today to ask my expected salary and I said 'I don't know what the average is. Let me Google it.' "
"Ya girl was not prepared."
"When I went for a walk-in interview looking like crap and they hired me on the spot. I get they were hiring for a new store, but they up and said 'if you want the job it's yours, when can you start?' "
"Deada** didn't think I'd make it that far."
Outside the Box
"Years ago I was applying to a bunch of copywriting jobs and feeling frustrated because I wasnt hearing back from any of the places I was applying to."
"It was especially frustrating because I was putting in all this time on cover letters and I felt like nobody was even reading them, so I said, 'Fu** it, I'm gonna write one that is more me.' I thought it was a dumb idea and never imagined that it would work, but somehow it did."
"I applied with this cover letter and the subject line "Copywriter: Will Work for Beer" to a job that I was very underqualified for. It managed to catch the eye of the headhunter for the ad agency and was enough to get me an interview. Shortly after that I was hired and ended up working there for a few years, but I remember thinking on my first day, 'I can't believe that actually worked.' "
Just Not the Right Fit
"An interview at Google. The 20 years younger than me was describing the peer review system."
"I responded with 'Jesus, that sounds awful.' "
"I did not get the job."
Others also shared experiences that centered on their working lives. But these stories weren't about being hired or interviewed.
These were accounts of long-developing success stories that they never would have predicted.
A Winding Road
"My entire legal career"
"I have four degrees and a 10 year career in commerical litigation. I just wrapped up a $200mil trusts lawsuit."
"I started at uni doing theatre and stand up comedy. I have no fu**ing idea where I turned to get here."
"Started at a very small company doing sales straight out of college. I went about messaging big corporate players (who obviously would never do business with us since our size) and was laughed at by my new colleagues for even trying."
"2 weeks later My boss was asking me what we (a team of 6) should say on the conference call with Toshiba Buyers."
Putting Fires Out
"Me at work. I feel like every issue that comes up has me unprepared. But I am always praised for my good work."
"So, I assume I have imposter syndrome and keep doing what I am doing."
So next time you find yourself ruling a possibility out completely, maybe take just a few seconds to imagine it actually occurred and prepare.
You just never know.
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I'm going to be perfectly honest––I'm a city boy. I'm not a huge fan of hiking or camping. I happen to be a huge fan of running water. Have you heard of it? It's great. Highly recommended.
I've also, on a more humorous note, watched far too many horror films over the years and don't particularly like idea of running off into the woods only to piss off some demon that was perfectly fine until I arrived. I also have immense respect for our friendly neighborhood serial killers and demonstrate this regularly by staying out of their territory.
Those who love the great outdoors had plenty to share after Redditor Your_Normal_Loser asked the online community, "
Hikers of Reddit, what is the weirdest or creepiest thing you've come across while hiking?"
"The only reason..."
"When we were exploring the Australian Outback as university students, my friend and I found an old, tightly wrapped plastic bag with five or six damaged wallets along shrubbery at the base of a cliff.
The only reason we opened it up was because we were so remote - hundreds of kilometres from any town or tourist attraction - that it was strange to see garbage out there. All the cards were in female names and birthdates placed them in their late teens to early 20s. Some lived in the Northern Territory but one was in Sydney and another from Queensland. At the time we figured rock climbers must have stored their valuables in the bag and then lost track of it. I'll never forget the strange look the police officer gave us when we handed them in."
You see... this is why I wouldn't go mess around in the Australian Outback.
I also may or may not have watched Wolf Creek one too many times.
"A recliner on a small hill with a hole dug out in the middle and water bottles all over the place."
"A trashed campsite..."
"A trashed campsite complete with the tent cut open...
...do you report these things, or what?"
Or maybe not... you might want to turn back.
"The walls were completely plastered..."
"I was walking in a thick forest and came across an opening. In the center there was a shack made of lumber, with a bench built into it that was slightly leaned back.
The walls were completely plastered in porn."
Well... that's one way to get off.
"The man stopped talking..."
"I was backpacking with a few friends. A few days in the middle of nowhere, a man approached our camp as we were cooking dinner to say hi. We talked about our routes for a few minutes. Out of nowhere, he told us that he had had a vasectomy in his 30s after his 2nd child. Then somehow his wife had gotten pregnant with his 3rd child. He didn't believe this was possible, so he demanded a DNA test to see if he was actually the father. He was. Still, he explained that he had his doubts and thought that his wife must have fixed the DNA test.
My friends and I were in our 20s and had no idea why this guy was telling us this. We all just nodded and smiled.
The man stopped talking and then just walked away into the night."
"I stepped in..."
"I stepped in and fell over a cow carcass on a night hike. It was a bright moonlit night but I didn't see it in the shadows. Thankfully it was mostly dry."
"We still have no idea..."
"I was in the woods with three friends at night. A friend's house was nearby and I was getting hungry so I went inside to find some food. Another friend came inside with me. Two friends were still outside.
Later on, one of the two who outside came in and sees the indoor friend on the couch next to me. They panic and immediately run back outside.
I poke my head out the door asking what's going on, only to hear them yell as loudly as they can, "THAT'S NOT KEVIN"
Everyone comes inside and calms down a bit, and the story comes out. They thought the friend who was indoors with me (Kevin) had been outside with them this entire time. Why? Because in the darkness of the woods they saw a silhouette about the same height walking alongside them silently, then at some point it ran away and they were chasing it thinking Kevin was running off for some reason. The reason my friend yelled, "That's not Kevin" was to stop the last outdoor friend from chasing whoever was out there deeper into the woods.
We still have no idea who that was or why they didn't even speak."
This story sent a chill running down my spine.
Who was that?!
Perhaps figuring it out would be even scarier.
"Went hiking with my dad..."
"Went hiking with my dad one day over a ridge. A girl from the group in front of us tripped and slid down one side and was just able to hold on to the tiniest branch from the only tree around. Had she slid down all the way she certainly would be dead or massively injured!"
"I was trying to make my way across..."
"I was hiking in Washington sometime in December. I was trying to make my way across a river but the bridge was out. I was walking along the shore looking for a shallow spot but couldn't find one. I saw some footprints leading down the bank, my thought was that someone was trying to do what I was doing and decided to track the prints to see if they crossed. It was not easy but I followed the prints for about a mile. As I approached what looked like a crossing I heard a loud BANG like a stick hitting a tree. I froze for a few seconds and heard no other noises. I just slowly back up keeping my eyes on the other side of the river. Could not shake the feeling that I was being watched. Got the hell out of there quick as I could."
There are few feelings creepier than the feeling of being watched. It makes you feel like you've been violated in some way.
Thankfully you got out of there!
"I thought it was a magical, beautiful moment..."
"I was hiking with some friends, and I saw a cluster of butterflies on the ground. I thought it was a magical, beautiful moment until I realized they were congregating on a pool of blood. It turns out that someone had been hiking on the bluffs above earlier that day, and had fallen off and died."
Sooo... still want to go hiking or camping? None of this changed your mind? None of it?
It was nice knowing you. I'll stick with my running water.
Have some creepy stories of your own? Feel free to tell us about them in the comments below!
Have some experiences of your own? Have you also survived the hospitality industry? Feel free to tell us about it in the comments below!
Time is of the essence. And time is not definable. Those are lessons we learn as we get older; as times passes and fluctuates in front of us.
Time is always fleeting yet always catches up to us. I find myself shocked when I wake up on certain days and realize I'm a particular age of my parent that sticks out for me.
Like, how did that happen? I guess I should just be thankful I'm still here to witness it all.
Redditor u/TW1103 wanted to discuss the meaning... of time and all of its affects by asking:
What fact really puts the scale of time into an insane perspective?
Ok, who is watching the clock? Those seconds aren't going to count themselves. The only way to understand time is to be its witness. Although that can get depressing. Let's focus on the light and cool.
History...Calculate Figure It Out GIF by OriginalsGiphy
"If you are an 80-year-old American, you have lived through approximately 1/3 of our nation's entire history."
"The 80s were 40 years ago."
"This is what messes me up because I was born in 82 and graduated high school in 2000 so for some reason my brain is stuck on the 80's being twenty years ago. The 70's thirty years ago etc etc. I have to stop and realize sometimes that my concept of how long ago things happened is way off."
Time goes by...
"We observe that light travels at 186,000 miles a second, but given the vast size of the observable universe, that's a snail's pace. But from the point of view of a particle of light, time doesn't even exist."
"Time slows down as you approach the speed of light, and theoretically stops completely when you reach the speed of light."
Years Gone By...
"MLK Jr. and Anne Frank were born in the same year."
"Betty White was born in 1922. Automatically pre-sliced packaged bread loaves became commercially available in 1928. Betty White is six years older than sliced bread."
Long Live the Queen!queen elizabeth images GIFGiphy
"The queen and Marilyn Monroe would've been the same age."
I swear Liz is going to outlive dirt. Wait, I believe she already has. Well she won't be alone, she'll have Betty White. At least she better have Betty. Time is nothing without Queen Betty.
TV TimeSeason 2 Omg GIF by Paramount+Giphy
"Happy Days was a TV show made in the 1970s-80s about teenagers in the 1950s. Similarly, That 70s Show was made in the 90s-00s about teenagers in the 70s. If a similar show were to be made today, it would be about teenagers in the 2000s."
"If a T-Rex imagined a creature as ancient as the T-Rex is to us, it would be a Stegosaurus. If that Stegosaurus imagined a creature as ancient as the Stegosaurus is to us, it would be a Crocodile. If that Crocodile imagined a creature as ancient as that Crocodile is to us, it would be a Shark."
On the Clock
"On a twenty four hour clock the amount of time that humans have been on the earth would total around five seconds."
"How about this one: If Homo Habilus first appeared at midnight, 24 hours ago, that means the first Homo Sapiens appeared at 9:25 PM, or about 2 and a half hours ago. The first human civilization, in lower Mesopotamia, appeared at 11:57 PM, or about 3 minutes ago."
"The Western Roman Empire fell at 11:59 PM, or 1 minute ago. Everything that has happened since - the Crusades, the Plague, the discovery of the New World, the world wars, all of it - has happened in the last minute of human existence."
And that's just OUR Sun...
"The span of our lives are so insignificantly small that our Sun will last another 5 billion years. That's 9 zeros people. Our eldest live to around 100 in the best places. That's 50,000,000 (50 million) times longer than any person can reasonably expect to live. And that's just OUR Sun. The universe as a whole has probably existed for magnitudes longer than that already and will continue to exist until the end of time as we know it."
Tell Me a Storywilliam shakespeare GIF by will herringGiphy
"We know what a good storyteller Shakespeare was but there were Greek playwrights who wrote shows nearly 2,000 years earlier that are pretty good, too."
I hate time. Only because I'm petty and irritated of the amount I squandered. That's neither here nor there though. Time marches on and continues to amaze. I'll keep watching.
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