People have a way of revealing their inner character in all sorts of ways. Perhaps the most effective way to glean whether someone is worthy of respect or not is not by what they say but by what they don't.
The burning question from Redditor Furious1988 was "What makes you silently respect someone?"
Turns out there are all sorts of ways.
"Owning up to mistakes..."
Owning up to mistakes or times when you acted immaturely/like an asshole. I always respect when people admit they messed up instead of backtracking or trying to shift blame.
"I worked with a cigarette smoker..."
Being considerate of others. I worked with a cigarette smoker, who would hang his coat on his chair, rather than the coat rack everyone used. Someone asked him why he didn't hang his coat with everyone else's, and he said he didn't want his jacket leaving a cigarette scent on someone else's coat. A+ guy.
"When they're completely unfazed..."
When they're completely unfazed by peer pressure and don't feel the need to conform to the groups social norms.
There is however a difference between being contrarian and tactfully expressing an honest opposing opinion.
"When I see folks doing something to help another person..."
When I see folks doing something to help another person without telling anyone afterwards.
"Tidies up their table..."
Tidies up their table before leaving a restaurant. This makes it easier for servers or whoever is cleaning.
"When they genuinely listen..."
Giphy
When they genuinely listen to you (or someone else in the room). It seems pretty rare for me to encounter nowadays.
"Standing up for someone else."
Standing up for someone else. Especially if they are in a higher station in life.
"When they have knowledge..."
When they have knowledge or a skill far above yours, are humble about it and even teach you to the best of their ability.
I respect my parents. I respect my most experienced coworker. I respect my martial arts coach.
"The older my parents get..."
Someone taking care of their aging parents.
The older my parents get, the more I want to smother them. I love them, but good god are they frustrating. When I see other people in the same position handling it like champs, I find it admirable. Bonus points when they don't have the same political and religious views as their parents. Because I feel their pain.
"Being a decent human being in general."
Being a decent human being in general - being kind to strangers and service employees, performing little acts of kindness on a whim, giving someone a genuine compliment, standing up for someone else - those kinds of things.
"Someone who always has a sense of humour..."
Someone who always has a sense of humour even in bad situations. They may not be happy on the inside but they still make the effort to make others feel happy and I love that about them.
"When they calmly remove their child..."
Giphy
When they calmly remove their child from a situation that they cannot handle (like when they're losing their sh!t in a grocery store or becoming overly-stimulated at a party/fair/amusement park).
"When people become an expert..."
When people become an expert at their chosen skill.
I love to listen to people tell me about a topic they studied for years whether professionally or a hobby.
I appreciate the time they've committed to knowing as much as they can.
"Anyone that says 'please' and 'thank you'...
Anyone that says "please" and "thank you" to retail workers, food industry workers, and just being an overall good person to those who get the most flack. Many people treat those working in the service industry like servants who deserve no respect and seeing someone treat them like a fellow human being makes me smile. Also I may be biased since I worked in retail and I've seen and heard every insult under the sun.
"Someone who doesn't yell back..."
Someone who doesn't yell back when yelled at.
Someone who sees the good in people regardless of the shit behavior they receive.
Anyone who doesn't "jokingly" disregards opinions even if they were stupid.
"Putting people in their place."
Putting people in their place. If someone is being a dick for no reason and they get called out for it I respect whoever calls them out. We've got enough shit to deal with without people thinking happiness is illegal.
"But it makes me respect them..."
When someone helps someone else without expecting something in return. Rare honestly. But it makes me respect them for doing something for free just to help someone in need, major respect for volunteer workers.
"I was cheering for him in my front seat."
Giphy
I saw a grown ass woman throw an entire bag of Wendy's out of her car window when she was done with it. A passing motorist practically slammed on brakes in front of her car, blocking her in, picked up the bag and chucked it back into her car. I was cheering for him in my front seat.
"When they can bow out..."
When they can bow out of gossiping or touchy conversational topics. I've yet to master this. Instead I resort to simply nodding, while offering no comments and then attempting to change the subject.
"I've met a lot of generous people..."
I've met a lot of generous people, but when someone is able to just drop everything and be there for you when you have a problem, they earn all my respect.
Try not to follow the bad advice given here, because you don't want to get the results that these guys did.
U/Duckerton375 asked: What's the worst advice someone ever gave you, but you still followed?
The workplace can bring a cornucopia of terrible advice. Don’t follow these unless you want to get fired.
​Bad jobs are usually not worth it.
Stick with a job no matter how bad it is. I stayed with a terrible job working retail, dealing with horrible customers and sexual harassment. I was told I wouldn't find anything better.
"No, no, you misunderstand. I said you wouldn't find anything better at making you feel like complete garbage."
This gets really creepy really fast.
frustrated workplace GIFGiphy"After you put in a job application, you need to call them at least once a day every day until they hire you."
Note: this did not get me hired. It got me called out by the HR person I was calling and forbidden to ever contact their facility again.
I work for a law firm that employees over 1500 people in the home office alone. Once I received a call from the building security saying, "Insert Name is here to speak with the owner." Well we are run by a committee so that's odd. Found out they just applied for a job and wanted to talk directly to the person that would potentially hire them. Told him the firm will contact them to schedule an interview. They refused to leave without "talking to the owner." Had security escort them out of the building.
​This is absolutely not true.
"Sleep is for people who do not want success" great words from my uncle, it almost killed me.
Now I may be oversleeping.
​Interpersonal relationships are also a big breeding ground for terrible advice. Don’t listen to any of these.
Heartbreaking.
My father always tought me and my brother that "having friends is bad and in the end they will never be there for you" so everytime I told my father about my friends he would get kinda mad and give me the advice to stop talking to them.
Now I am afraid of people and have several trust issues, thanks dad.
​This won’t end well.
A Christmas Story GIF by filmeditorGiphyIn the fifth grade my teacher was talking about bullying, then she said "if anyone tries to bully you just agree with them." So the next time I got bullied I agreed with the bully and they bullied me more.
Dude one time I saw an anti bullying video that told the victims to just BE NICE TO THE BULLY. Like the bully was hurling insults and the victim was smiling and complimenting him. My first thought was about how much I hated the mere thought that this would work. My second thought was of how the people who came up with that method had clearly never been bullied.
​Oof.
When I met my now wife at the age of 19, one of my coworkers said that it's very important to start at the bottom with presents and work your way up, she still has the socks I gave her on our first anniversary on the wall over our bed as a reminder...
I'm still trying to teach my boyfriend about good presents and bad presents. Biscuits from the supermarket = bad present. Cheap unbranded laptop battery from China as my only present = bad present (and only lasted 2 months). Anything off my 7-page wishlist = good present. It's literally a list of things I want to receive as presents.
​Can tell you from experience that this is a bad idea.
Had a falling out with some friends. My husband recommended I reach out to an old friend who ghosted me suddenly in a manner that induced some pretty severe abandonment trauma. Went for it anyways because "it's been so long, surely they changed". Am now experiencing the same things as last time.
When you follow bad advice, it can lead to mistakes that you just can’t come back from.​
Buying a house is tricky.
for sale dancing GIF by Lisa VertudachesGiphy"Buy a home now before the prices go up!" -my FIL in 2006.
We bought in 2007 and paid $259,500 for our 1,300 sq ft house (we really couldn't afford it and had an 80/20 so we had 8% interest for one loan and 6% on the other) and in 2008 it was worth $97,000 so refinancing wasn't even an option. We watched all of our neighbors walk away or get foreclosed on but we kept paying our bills and as of this very moment our house is worth $462,000. I'm so happy we stuck it out, we both worked our @sses off and the house will be paid off in 2 years.
It worked out for us, it's a horrible idea. Especially since 1300 sq ft houses are $460+k
My heartbreaks for future generations, I honestly don't know how people are going to afford housing in the future.
It’s there for a reason.
"Never apply for any government assistance."
Cue years of suffering trying to work full-time with a painful disability. Quit a particularly terrible job, and wanted to apply for food aid until I could find another gig; a friend with lots of DHS experience recommended I apply for Social Security "just to get in the system." Turns out my disability was bad enough to get accepted the first time, which I wasn't expecting. Really could've used that support, oh, the 30+ previous years of my life.
Credit is important to have.
I was told to not get a credit card until after college. I was super fortunate to have my college paid for so I had no loans, car paid in cash, no credit card or anything to start building credit. Found myself out in the world at 22 years old with a credit score of 0.
So while a lot of this bad advice came from trusted people, oftentimes they were too misinformed to give that advice in the first place. Don't trust the word of one person--do your research, and make decisions for yourself.
It'll be way better in the long run