Secrets secrets are no fun unless they're posted anonymously to Reddit. There are lots of lessons to be learned from people's humiliating experiences. The big takeaway here? Never waste a boner, never trust a fart.
BreachyJoe asked: What's the most enbarrassing thing you're willing to admit about yourself?
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
This happened to be at the gym as an adult suffering from colitis.
I had the genius idea of running to the school bathroom while trying to keep my @ss from exploding. I almost made it. So close. Sh@t myself in front of the fucking toilet. Worse thing is that this is just the beginning... My clothes were full of sh!t. It was only recess. Guess what my stupid 10 yr old self decided to do? Run completely naked (and full of shit) through 3 fucking floors like a ninja, because there was some showers in the bathroom next to the football field. Got there, but, like, 5 min later someone knocked on the door: "is someone in there?". Me: "perhaps" Him:.... Me:.... Him: "Hm.... Do you need help?" Me: ".....How did you...?" Him: "Hm... I found some... clothes in a bathroom... I figured the person would want to come here..." Me:.... Him:.... Me:.... Him: "...Do you want me to call your parents?" Me: "......please....."
I stayed locked in there until my mom arrived with clean clothes. She laughed so hard.
To this day I'm unaware if someone ever saw me running butt-naked through the school.
Nothing is the best something.
If I have nothing to do, I don't shower, don't eat well, and turn into an absolute slob. I have sort of a reputation as being a really clean and orderly roommate, so I feel bad when people see my shreked room.
When I'm in that state, I just pretend I'm not home if someone stops by. Which hasn't happened in literally years (someone stopping by randomly), but it could and best to protect yourself.
No one should fail art!
I failed middle school art because my teacher thought I wasn't trying. I was.
Aww you have my sympathies. I sucked at art too but my teacher must've realized it wasn't my calling in life cuz she just passed me so I could go to the next year (which didn't have art class anymore)
I was asked not to sing in church choir, just to pretend like I was singing.
I used to pretend that I had a huge stomach and try to convince my friends to "bet" against me in eating, just so they would give me their leftover food that they didn't finish. I did this a lot whenever I knew I wouldn't have anything else to eat when I got home in high school and college. It was embarrassing because I accepted that I would rather over eat for someone else's paid meal than starve at home due to lack of money lol. But now things are different.
I had no shame, I grabbed food without asking when they said they were done. Eventually they learned to just hand over whatever they didn't want. They probably understood, on some level, and were cool enough to just help out. People are surprisingly helpful if you just ask.
Pray you never learn how miserable it is to be in damp, poopy clothes.
I was on a camping trip in the woods while I was a Boy Scout, about 11 or 12. I didn't realize I was expected to sh*t in a hole and wipe with leaves. My tender little child self could hardly comprehend. I fought the urge to poo for hours and hours. Finally, sitting around the campfire telling funny stories, I laughed hard and it all came out. I didn't know what to do. I feigned sickness to get home. Our scout leader drove me several hours home in the middle of the night, and it didn't take long for the cab of his truck to reek of sh*t. I pretended I was asleep the whole way. Why did I just share this story?
pretended I was asleep the whole way...
You did the right thing.
I have no idea how you kept in the laughter though. If I were you that woulda been hilarious.
I found no humor in it. Kinda do now but not much.
"What's it like being 30?"
Every once in while, there will be a time that if I get an erection, I will almost immediately get tears streaming down my face like I'm crying. Dont know how it happens, or why, or what drives it, but It has ruined the mood more than once.
If I know anything about medical science, which I don't, I'd say that is caused by a brain tumor.
Lessons you only need to learn once.
In 2nd grade I got a -5% on a homework assignment because I got every question wrong and I forgot to put my name on it.
That takes skill.
Damn how much did your parents have to pay to get you into college.
Okay, why is there a ":)" at the end of this?
I once got a penis infection from peeing in a lake. It turned purple and swelled up to twice its size. I was so scared it was gonna fall off. Still have some discoloration to this day
Oh my gosh, I didn't know this was possible. How long did you wait to see a doctor? What was the treatment? Does it still work the same now?
I went to a doctor as soon as I worked up the nerve to show my parents. Got some kinda cream and yeah my pp is still functional.
Narrator: they weren't.
I'm an extremely functional alcoholic.
The thing about alcoholism is it's always functional until it's not. And its often such a slow slide that you don't even realize that your bar for "functional" gets lower and lower all the time, until one day you wake up decidedly dysfunctional and wonder what the hell happened?
Source: Was a very functional alcoholic, then less so, then absolutely dysfunctional, now sober. For me personally life's better on this side of the equation, and I gotta plug /r/stopdrinking for being the most helpful and friendly sub I have ever encountered.
So true. I thought I was functional until I was talked to at work, tried to stop drinking and realized I couldn't suffer the withdrawals. I got talked to again by management and told I needed to get treatment or not come back. The funny thing about getting yourself into an inpatient treatment center when you're in your early twenties is that it's a STRUGGLE. Anyways I just had my sober birthday last Saturday ( 1 year woohoo ) and my liver damage from drinking a fifth of vodka to myself daily for almost 2 years has reversed itself. Don't give up, friends.
This is very dark.
I don't like to talk to people, because I hate myself and don't want them to have to talk to me
I'm sorry. I have a friend who might have a similar mentality (if the judgement is right), who always apologizes for being a burden. I say things like a friend is never a burden, if I go out of my way for them it's because I want to...some people give a lot of love and attention and need the same back, need reminders of why they're awesome. And help improving the things about them that actually aren't healthy. Note I say "healthy" not something arbitrary like "good." Is this the kind of thing people who think like this need? Constant positive reinforcement? I dunno.
My embarrassment: not knowing how on Earth reddit works and replying to a comment I deleted because I accidentally posted without finishing.