We all have cringeworthy memories that keep us up at night, things that make our faces sweat at 3 a.m. with the awful realization that yes, you did do that.
Today's burning question from Redditor skrt99: "What cringe thing that you did in your lifetime keeps you up at night?"
Some of you might find you're in good company.
"It was my first day in high school..."
It was my first day in high school and we were supposed to introduce ourselves through a skit, well I introduced myself like I was a WWE wrestler, complete with my own "ring-entrance walk", chants that I thought were supposed to hype up my new classmates and even had a made up wrestler nickname LMAO
I still wake up sweating every now and then remembering that.
"Lie about stupid things..."
Lie about stupid things like how rich my parents were, places we'd travelled to, etc (I grew up dirt poor with struggling parents).
"I once passed..."
I once passed what might've been the most disgusting sounding fart of all time, in front of a 100+ person class while giving a presentation. To try to cover it up, I said "well, excuse you, professor."
My friends still haven't let me live that one down.
"We both just sat in silence."
My crush came to my house to do a high school project. It involved the Internet and while she sat next to me she tried to navigate to Google on my computer. Unfortunately, the address bar auto-filled and took her to my last Google search... page two of results for her name. Every link had been clicked. We both just sat in silence.
"Asked my crush out..."
Asked my crush out, she said "omg ew what the f*ck" and ran away. Her friends nearby looked like they had witnessed a murder.
I am still haunted by this.
"In an attempt to be less awkward..."
Giphy
In an attempt to be less awkward I'm trying to take more time to think before I speak.
This backfired in a big way in December.
I ran into a cousin who I hadn't seen for a few years. He said hello and I was trying to think of a greeting since it was just about Christmas. I thought I would say seasons greetings or something but then I realized that might be a bit lame.
So while I'm internalizing this in my head I'm basically just staring at the guy. Who is probably thinking I don't recognize him so now I begin to panic. Now I will need to include his name in this greeting so he doesn't think I'm rude.
It's been a long time, I still haven't said anything. It feels like the most time ever since anyone has ever talked.
So in my head I'm like okay SAY SOMETHING. Anything has got to be better than this.
But in my panic all words leave my brain and what comes out is....
"CONGRATULATIONS..... Joshua"
"I was very shy growing up..."
I was very shy growing up and had trouble carrying a conversation. Writing was a strength, though, so I decided to hand write a note to the girl I had a crush on and put it in her locker (cringe by itself).
To my surprise, she came up and started talking to me the next day after school. I had imagined her most likely ignoring my letter or if anything writing back. I was so extremely flustered all I could focus on was her smile and the heat of my full-face blush.
She finished what she had to say and walked away.
Then, to my horror, I realized I had no idea what she said.
"I was still inexperienced..."
I was still inexperienced with my GF at the time and thought it would be spontaneous and hot to pick her up off the bed and kiss her with her legs wrapped me standing up.
However, she had no idea I was intending to do this so I struggled to lift her dead weight for a few agonising seconds. Then I thought "f-- this" and used all my strength to lift her up but I overdid it causing her to hit her head on the ceiling light, I drop her out of shock and she hits her head on the end of the bed.
She was completely okay and we laughed about it but I was so embarrassed.
"Every now and again..."
Every now and again I go back to my very first almost sexual encounter with a girl. She's got her hand on my thigh, she's running a finger over my pants, she just told me I have really pretty eyes. Now would probably be a pretty good time to kiss her. Nah, I decided I needed to return the compliment, but I couldn't think of anything, so I blurted out that she was a butterface. Two things: she was NOT a butterface, and she didn't know what a butterface was. She asked me. I explained it to her. I remained a virgin for six more years.
"I made the mistake..."
I made the mistake in middle school to wear white jeans to school. Everyone of my "friends" kept laughing and whispering behind my back the entire day. It wasn't until my last class a girl I sat with was kind enough to tell me I had period blood on my pants, and gave me her hoodie to tie around my waist. I had given presentations in 3 classes that day so everyone in my classes knew I was on my period. Luckily it was a lighter flow day and it wasn't like a murder scene. Mom let me stay home from school for the remainder of my period and I lost all my friends in the process because they were assh*les.
But now I'm best friends with the girl who gave me her hoodie so I've got that going for me.
"When I was a teenager..."
When I was a teenager I had a little crush on one of my female friends.
One day she starts hitting on me and suggestively nibbles and sucks on my finger. I get all nervous and jokingly say "Hey you don't know where that finger's been!"
I wake up some nights in a cold sweat remembering the look on her face at that moment.
"I lied to my counselors..."
Giphy
I lied to my counselors about getting into a certain pre-med program that apparently was a MUCH bigger deal than I thought it was right before leaving for college... I had gotten into A premed program but when asked on the spot I couldn't recall and I just agreed to whatever name was thrown out for it. They got super excited and congratulated me and I assumed that would be the end of it.
Well... They made a huge announcement the next day over the PA system of the School congratulating me and even gave me a certificate and took pictures shaking my hand... teachers were congratulating me all day and I even started getting special treatment.
I'm sure they eventually found our after I left the and I've been to embarrassed to even visit my old high school...
"I had a massive inappropriate crush..."
I had a massive inappropriate crush on my married math teacher in middle school. The poor man was clearly not at all endeared by it. Puberty was very cruel to me and I was not cute.
On the last day of school, I was too shy to approach him to sign my yearbook, so I had my friends do it. He signed it and suddenly that's when I worked up the courage to go ask him myself.
He awkwardly signed it a second time and didn't say a word to me.
"It all started..."
I accidentally started a cult in high school.
It all started with my group of friends having some laughs. I started to joke about being a "family" and gave everyone weird family roles. Like you're the weird aunt, and you're the grandma, etc. But then there was one weird chick who started taking it super seriously and wrote down everyone's "roles".
Then she started adding tons of people and even started doing strange rituals to initiate people into the "family". At that point I bailed.
They ended up vandalizing property, threatening students and teachers, sent out death threats, etc. The police actually started watching them as a serious gang threat.
All because of some f*ckin joke i made.
"My first party..."
I went to my first party with alcohol and I was flirting with this random girl, she gave me drink after drink until I was feeling pretty bad.
We ended up kissing. I threw up on her face.
Real life contains the scariest horrors you could ask for. So aren't we all living in a horror movie, in a way? At least, these people sure freakin' were.
MisterSnowman69 asked: What was a moment in your life that felt like a horror movie scene?
In the words of the legendary Mary Vivian Pierce in the film Pink Flamingos, “Murder merely relieves tension”. I’m sure the following Redditors felt differently.
Nothing scarier than the woods at night.
Went into a real deep woods hike for only the second time in my life.
My gps broke and had to rely on my compass. Got turned around a few times because I couldn't remember the direction I came from, and it was getting dark. Lost the trail way.
But the woods are weirdly silent in the dark and alone.
It was around 2am by the time I found the trailhead.
Darn foxes.
the simpsons react GIFGiphyMy friend and I got lost late on one foggy night in the Italian countryside. There were rats all over and every once in a while we heard someone scream.
I've never been more sure I was about to get murdered than I was that night.
It was probably a red fox that was screaming.
Could've also been a lynx, but they are much rarer in Italy.
At least she wasn’t speaking in tongues.
My mom is quite the sleep talker, but it's usually pretty short and incoherent when it happens. One night as a teenager, I woke up to her scream-yelling the Hail Mary prayer (my bedroom was across the house and upstairs).
Difficult to get back to sleep after that one.
Sometimes scary sh*t ends up just being funny coincidences. Super funny. Right?
Don’t give them any ideas.
I was exploring an abandoned mental asylum and then got the scare of my life when a scary looking person inside one of the rooms was just staring at me without moving. Turns out some joker had left a cardboard cutout there.
And now I have plans this weekend... Just need to find a couple of cardboard cutouts and to break into the local abandoned asylum.
Don’t you hate when that happens?
Evil Dead Horror GIF by Coolidge Corner TheatreGiphyI was driving home on backcountry roads at midnight in heavy fog. Like can't see 10 feet in front of you thick. Suddenly I see an all-white silhouette running in front of the car. Every hair on my body stood up. I immediately think "oh god, oh f*ck, it's a f*cking woman in white, I'm gonna f*cking die"
Nope just a drunk who dove into the ditch.
Gotta love paranoia.
When I was about 12, my parents went out for dinner leaving me home alone. We lived out in the country, on a private road with only three other houses, surrounded by cow fields and wooded areas.
I went into the the kitchen and glanced out the window towards the trees and there in the fading light I could see a person walking slowly through the woods. They were wearing all black, moving slowly and appeared to pause behind trees. My heart started pounding so hard in my ears I couldn't hear anything else and I was weak and shaky from fear. I froze and just watched them. Would they come to the house? Where were they going?
This was before cell phones but I suddenly remembered my mom had left the number of the restaurant by the living room phone. Slowly, I made my way towards the living room, trying to watch this stranger in the woods.
Just as I entered the living room, all the lights in the entire house went out. By this time it was nearly dark outside. I started openly sobbing and in the dark I heard a weird boom like noise. That was it, I ran to my parents room, hid under their bed and sobbed. That's where my mom found me hours later (it felt like).
Well, turns out the stranger in the woods was a stupid cow that had busted through a fence, the lights going out was from an accident a few miles away (hit the power line) and the boom was the pilot light in the gas stove. Man, I have never been that scared in my life though!
I have a lot of questions.
A naked man who was covered in blood chased me across a park at 2 in the morning. I was totally alone. He just wanted money for a bus (????) and luckily nothing bad happened but I thought I was going to die.
But of course, the genuine horrors do exist. And they aren’t scary in a fun horror movie way, they’re actually terrifying because they can happen to anyone.
A scary few seconds.
car chase GIF by Mayans M.C.GiphyI am a "baby" in a car seat in between cousins in backseat. Dad is driving. This is in the 80s and it is my aunt's insistence that I am in this seat even though I am like 5.
A sleeping semi driver is coming over into our lane and there is a cliff on other side. Basically my dad did some amazing driving but semi blew us up. I am uninjured sitting in the seat swinging my legs while everyone is unconscious. They all wake groaning. Dad doesnt wake up.
Long story short just minor scrapes and dad has broken leg. But the crunch of metal and those few seconds/minute of being the only "alive" person was quite fear inducing.
Glad they’re all ok now.
Two days after my now boyfriend told me he liked me he fell from a zip line and broke his back. Almost died. 6 months later he got into a car wreck from a drunk driver - almost died. 6 months after that, he passed out and had to have emergency brain surgery, again, almost died. I now have severe anxiety/separation anxiety/and ptsd. That whole year was a f*cking nightmare
Edit: we're both okay now, the brain injury was almost a year ago. But TBIs take a while to heal so he still has side effects. Thankfully our relationship is still strong; he's physically getting better and I'm healing emotionally too. Lucky for him, the trauma of the injuries has caused him to forget the majority of the pain and memories of those incidents.
ALWAYS wear a helmet.
Driving home from work at 23, listening to my favorite song.
I pull up to a red light, and see this guy on a motorcycle coming up next to me in the other lane. I rolled down my window to compliment his bike when he stops. He doesn't, and runs the red light. He hits a car going at least 55mph. His motorcycle shatters apart, he goes flying, hits the hood of another car, and lands on the ground and rolls into the curb (no helmet). The car he hit with his motorcycle was totaled. I had to step over his body to talk to the police. He was still alive when they got there. I regret not holding his hand. It was just a normal day, and all of a sudden it felt like the rug was pulled from out beneath me. He was only 18.
Edit: The song was Sunny by Boney M., for those curious
What did we learn today, kids? Foxes scream like humans, shadowy figures are usually cows or drunken rednecks, and once again, PLEASE WEAR A HELMET WHEN YOU RIDE ANY KIND OF BIKE.
Scary sh*t surrounds us. But where there is horror, there are heroes. So next time you think you see a scary figure in the woods, know that Bruce Campbell is probably right around the corner
Hypocrisy is everywhere; it's like a disease. And sadly everyone does it. Some of us indulge in smaller doses than others. But some people live their life by it. Like how can you support civil servants, like police, firefighters, etc... yet try to find ways to hide money in order to not pay taxes? Tell me... I'll wait.
Manga...
Hungry Night Court GIF by LaffGiphyItalian moms that say you're too fat then say I'm making grandma cry by not finishing my pasta.
Asian moms too! Not only that if you try to not eat, they make to go containers for you. Oh, sorry I have to leave, RUNS AT LEAST HAVE SOME FRUIT.
Phonies...
Celebrities positioning themselves as champions for social justice while launching a clothing line with no comment on the labor conditions their garments are made in.
Sexy Times...
The Porn Industry
Why is prostitution considered a crime, but it becomes perfectly legal once a camera is put beside them?
I think the first amendment helps with that one. There's been many a supreme-court case about whether porn is protected speech.
Mirror, Mirror on the Wall...
You can get away with WAY more crap, in general, when you're attractive.
But we all kind of aspire to attractiveness and it's not like it's attractive people's fault, exactly. So what is there to be done?
So true. Money and beauty are treated like virtues and they aren't. They're luck of the draw. It probably helps you to be a better person if people assume that you are gentle and clever just by looking at your face or wallet.
KIDS
GIF by MOODMANGiphyPeople screaming at you if you don't want Kids and Kids are the greatest thing in the World and then turn around and whine how expensive they are and how annoying yadda yadda.
Yeah see... humans are a mess. And too often then not, personal conviction and dignity are just a myth, or a punchline. Double standards have always been a way of life. And many of us have begrudgingly learned to navigate.
Fashion
Fashion Model GIF by NYFW: The ShowsGiphyIf a skinny person wears something out of the ordinary, it's a fashion statement and awesome. It can even just be something like a crop top or overalls.
But God forbid a fat person wear the same thing.
Distractions
The hypocrisy hypocrisy. People love to call it out but rarely notice it on themselves and if they notice it then it's something completely different or a distraction.
That's the worst. I hate that I have to hate that. But if I don't hate it, then the hate will just continue. So, really, my hate comes from my love of an end to hate. So anyone who hates my hate hates love. And we must hate anyone who hates love!
My Morality
My own personal hypocrisy; When I was a lot less well off financially, delivering pizzas trying to get through college, I kept a cup of coins in my car. When a homeless person would approach me for spare change, I gave them the cup. Most of the time it was nearly full, so there was probably 20-30 dollars in there.
Now that I have a good salaried job, even if I've got a few bucks in my wallet, I tend to not even make eye contact anymore. I know it's awful, I know it makes me crappy, but the last 4-5 years have made me a jaded craphead towards people in general. I used to be so hopeful and I wanted to help everyone, and tried to live a life that reflected that.
Now, while my general and political morality is pretty much the same, my personal morality has gotten more grey. I'd jaded, I hate people, I assume the worst of people I used to assume the best of. I don't really care about the strangers around me like I used to, but I still expect everyone else to.
Placing Blame
Victim mentality.
It's so freaking frustrating when it becomes entrenched. "You did this, it's your fault" "you should've known to do x, its your fault" Yeah bro your problems aren't my problems and if all you do is make excuses and blame me for them, it's not going to be my fault when you don't develop as a person and accomplish your dreams. I'm sure they'll find someone to blame though.
In D.C.
Donald Trump Reaction GIF by Election 2016GiphyPoliticians work part time, are given free housing, education, and health care, and exempt from the everyday violence we experience, but refuse to lift a finger to help us.
At this points most people running for a position in the government are only in it for the benefits of being a politician and the amount of money they can embezzle. Well in my country at least.
Just speak a truth and live it. Yes, it maybe hard. But what part of life isn't? Hypocrisy is just lying. Plain and simple. And it's a sin to lie.
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