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We can all admit this to ourselves: Sometimes, humans don't always have the brightest ideas. Think about it. Common knowledge is, "Don't stick your tongue in an electrical socket," right? That HAD to come from somewhere. Someone HAD to do that first for us to learn not to do it again. We need to police ourselves from ourselves, and these are the jobs to do so.


Reddit user, u/DeityOfUnderworld26, asked the best dumb ways we have to monitor humanity when they asked:

What job exists because we are stupid?

Stair Location Specialist

I had a temp job in a posh department store a few years ago. The escalator going down from floor 2 to floor 1 had to be taken out to be replaced which took a month. Despite the many, many notices and the signs directing people to the lifts & stairs, a member of staff had to stand at the top of the closed escalator just to direct the public to the lifts and stairs.

It broke peoples' brains and it was worrying to see how many tried to get past the barriers, or got pissed and shouty because there was no escalator. Like holy sh-t how did people cope before moving stairs were invented.

thunderbirbthor

Dirt Putter-Onner

Met a guy once - his job was putting dirt on potatoes. Somebody along the supply chain washed them pretty well by the time they got to the grocery. People didn't trust the clean potatoes. So one guy had to put dirt back on them to make them more authentic.

RealMcGonzo

Disney Traffic Alert-er

On crowded nights, Disney Springs has employees working at crosswalks at the intersections from the overflow parking lots to tell people when they can cross. They're normal intersections that have lights telling you when you can cross. People just don't acknowledge them and will try to run across oncoming traffic.

PhoneSteveGaveToTony

Baltimore Traffic Alert-er...?

Traffic police in Baltimore.

I was there this summer and the gridlock was atrocious. People push their way into the intersection, the light turns red, and they are stuck there until the light is about to turn red in the opposite direction, at which point those people push their way into the intersection and the cycle perpetuates. During rush hour, they have police standing in the intersections--not to direct traffic, though, simply to hold their hand up when the light turns red so that people don't push their way into the intersection. Basically, a human has to stand in traffic for hours JUST to tell the drivers what the lights mean. It was unbelievable.

Brocktoberfest

D-Pic Stopper

My husband is a Labor and Employment attorney for a massive company and gives monthly seminars to everyone there to not send penis pics/sexually harass one another.

And like clockwork someone in that room does it within a couple weeks.

Brandy_Alexander

Official Copy-Paster

I have a side gig doing data entry. I earn $25 USD/hr copying and pasting stuff from a webpage in to an excel spreadsheet, while doing some light formatting.

Secret4gentMan

You could potentially get excel to do that automatically

UniquePotato

Litter Control Personnel

Litter control personnel for public parks and beaches.

Back2Bach

I remember when I was a kid my Mom used to take my brother and I to this park across town.

One time I had a wrapper from a piece of gum in my pocket and I walked to the trash to throw it away. A police officer happened to be just patrolling the parking lot and saw me throw the wrapper away. He came over to me and told me I did a good job by doing that and he gave me a coupon for a free ice cream at the DQ. I told him I was just doing what I thought everyone else was doing. He told me that wasn't the case.

I don't get how hard it is to just throw something in the trash.

FunkTheFreak

At my university we have a person who's job is to stand by the garbage area and make sure people dispose of their trash appropriately

ILike_bananas

IT Crowd Member

Tier 1 IT support.

Did you try turning it off and on again? Sure you did. Could you blow into the cable to make sure there is no dust in the connec– Oh the cable was loose? How surprising! Have a good day.

raelepei

Psychic Detective....No Joke. That's It.

Psychic detectives: because why trust a professional detective to be intuitive?

crochetprozac

Stingray Notifiers

I work in an aquarium and we have what I can best describe as floor guides, which are just staff that interact with people and share interesting info about the exhibits. Realistically while that is part of the job the main reason for these people being out there is to tell people to keep their hands out of the Stingray and Turtle tanks because for some reason beyond my comprehension people don't naturally get this concept.

At least once a day I hear "well why can't I touch the stingrays" and so far my all time favorite outcome of that question was a kid who said "They have the word Sting in their name". I have wanted to say that so many times, but am unable.

Arntor1184

Nose Guard Installation Experts

The guys who install rubber padding around telephone and light poles so when we walk and text, we dont break our noses walking straight into them.

Wrest216

Fire Prevention Marketer

In great 'murica there was/is a whole campaign where designers, marketers, PR staff, mascots and what not were organized to create a bear with a hat, to teach people not to set fire to forests.

MbeeToop

Law Enforcement Advisor...?

Attorney.

90% of our work is spent on 10% of our clients. Then they blame us for getting in trouble after doing what we told them not to do.

Basically stupid people keep us employed.

DustyMetal2

Flat Tummy Tea Sales Expert

All the jobs at MLM companies.

(Instagram ladies selling flat tummy teas with 'entrepreneur' written in your bio... I am looking at you!)

KimiOfGreenGables

Baggage Carousel Switch Flipper

There was a new baggage carousel built in my local international airport

My friend was a temp worker got assigned to work at the airport watching the baggage carousel circuit breaker in case it tripped again.

creeksy

Twitter-er Verification-er

Twitter verification people

One time I made a Twitter account and tried to send someone something and my account got locked and when I was trying to put my phone number in and it said it wasn't supported, and I was like "WTF IS THIS GARBAGE!?!" and Googled how to unlock it and it gave me the same result and no matter how many times I put the number in, it always came up bad.

GET IT FIXED TWITTER!!!

the_1st_wing

...sigh....We Should Be Better Than This

Being a mod on reddit to delete racist and sexist jokes.

jhinota

Button Presser...

In India we have plenty of such jobs (for obvious reason).

The most ridiculous one is LiftMan - He sits in the elevators all day pressing buttons for people.

chanbaf

Really? How Are These Still Around?

I'm a self serve gas station attendant.

Honestly, the only reason i'm here is to slap the emergency stop button if someone starts pumping gas outside their car/gas can. Oh, and shut off the pumps when I leave.

DrDragon13

Fortnite Coach. No, That's Not A Joke Either.

Fortnite coaches.

Hinksaw

lies. this isn't real. this can't be real

EDIT: I have been getting a lot of comments and I feel like a lot of people misinterpreted me. I meant this as a joke first because you know how everyone hates Fortnite. I personally love videogames and seeing this is amazing to me. I totally support it.

LordHorace98

H/T: Reddit

Image by Clker-Free-Vector-Images from Pixabay

Have you ever been reading a book, watching a movie, or even sitting down for a fantastical cartoon and began to salivate when the characters dig into some doozy of a made up food?

You're not alone.

Food is apparently fertile ground for creativity. Authors, movie directors, and animators all can't help but put a little extra time and effort into the process of making characters' tasty delights mouthwatering even for audiences on the other side of the screen.

Read on for a perfect mixture of nostalgia and hunger.

AllWhammyNoMorals asked, "What's a fictional food you've always wanted to try?"

Some people were all about the magical foods eaten in the magical places. They couldn't help but wish they could bite into something with fantastical properties and unearthly deliciousness.

Nutritious

"Enchanted golden apple" -- DabbingIsSo2015

"The Minecraft eating sounds make me hungry" -- FishingHobo

"Gotta love that health regeneration" -- r2celjazz

"Pretty sure those are based off the golden apples that grant immortality. Norse mythology I think?" -- Raven_of_Blades

Take Your Pick

"Nearly any food from Charlie and the Chocolate factory" -- CrimsonFox100

"Came here to say snozzberries!" -- Utah_Writer

"Everlasting Gobstoppers #1, but also when they're free to roam near the chocolate river and the entire environment is edible." -- devo9er

Peak Efficiency

"Lembas" -- Roxwords

"The one that fills you with just a bite? My fat a** would be making sandwiches with two lembas breads and putting bacon, avocado and cheese inside. Then probably go for some dessert afterwards. No wonder why those elves are all skinny, eating just one measly bite of this stuff." -- sushister

Some people got stuck on the foods they saw in the cartoons they watched growing up. The vibrant colors, the artistic sounds, and the exaggerated movements all come together to form some good-looking fake grub.

The One and Only

"Krabby patty 🍔" -- Cat_xox

"And a kelp shake" -- titsclitsntennerbits

"As a kid I always pretended burgers from McDonalds were Krabby Patties, heck from time to time I still do for the nostalgia of it all. Many of my friends did the same thing." -- Thisissuchadragtodo

Cheeeeeeeeese

"The pizza from an extremely goofy movie. The stringy cheese just looked magical lol" -- ES_Verified

"The pizza in the old TMNT cartoon as well." -- gate_of_steiner85

"Only bested by the pizza from All Dogs Go to Heaven." -- Purdaddy

Get a Big Old Chunk

"Those giant turkey drumsticks in old cartoons that characters would tear huge chunks out of. Those things looked amazing, turkey drumsticks in real life suck and are annoying to eat."

-- Ozwaldo

Slurp, Slurp, Slurp

"Every bowl of ramen on any anime, ever." -- Cat_xox

"Studio Ghibli eggs and bacon" -- DrManhattan_DDM

"Honestly, any food in anime. I swear to god half the budget no matter what the studio goes into making the food look absolutely delicious." -- Viridun

Finally, some highlighted the things that aren't quite so far-fetched, but still far enough away that it's nothing we'll be eating anytime soon.

That tease can be enough to make your mouth water.

What's In It??

"Butter beer" -- Damn_Dog_Inappropes

"came here to say this. i was pretty disappointed with the universal studio version which was over the top sweet. it was more of a butterscotch root beer. i imagine butter beer to be something more like butter and beer, which wouldn't be crazy sweet, but would have a very deep rich flavor" -- crazyskiingsloth

Slice of the Future

"The microwave pizzas in back to the future two" -- biggiemick91

"I've been fascinated with those for years! They just look so good!" -- skoros

As Sweet As They Had

"The Turkish Delight from Lion Witch & Wardrobe. The real ones I had weren't bad but nothing special." -- spoon_shaped_spoon

"Came here to say this. I know it's a real thing, but I always imagined that it must have been amazing to betray your siblings over." -- la_yes

"You're used to freely available too sweet sweets. For a WW2 era schoolkid, it would have represented all the sweets for an entire year." -- ResponsibleLimeade



Here's hoping you made it through the list without going into kitchen for some snack you didn't actually need.

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