People Reveal How You Can To Spot An American Tourist From A Mile Away[rebelmouse-image 18354802 is_animated_gif=
If you haven't spent a lot of time living or traveling abroad, it can be easy to not realize just how different the rest of the world can be. People from California can be very different from people from Kentucky, but they will share some of the same traits as Americans and not even know it. One Reddit user asked:
How do you spot an american tourist "from a mile away"?
Yeah, pretty much every response referenced Americans as loud. In all fairness, you're not very likely to notice a quiet person anywhere, so maybe it's just that the loud Americans are the ones to make an impression? One person replied that Americans even walk louder... so maybe not. Read through and see if you fit any of these stereotypes about American tourists. Oh, and shh. Inside voices!
White Socks[rebelmouse-image 18354803 is_animated_gif=
Last time I saw a question like this, someone answered "white socks" and it made me start wearing black socks for the next few years.
Over 40/Under 40[rebelmouse-image 18354804 is_animated_gif=
Americans are very loud, i swear you have loudhailers hidden in your clothes somewhere.
Over 40, the tourists tend to be more on the very overweight side, but the women still wear yoga pants and the men always have a combination of button up shirts and loose fitting cargo shorts. And both men and women wear baseball caps and Oakley's or sunglasses similar to that style; with white trainers.
Under 40, you're very friendly, in a way that's both endearing and creepy. When we chat I feel like I'm being indoctrinated into a cult.
Combination[rebelmouse-image 18354805 is_animated_gif=
In my experience, any combination of the following:
- white socks
- wearing a sun visor
- Talking incredibly loud
- Their phone will be on a belt loop
American teenagers are usually better at blending in however, so the trick with these guys is to wait until you're in a restaurant, at which point they'll make their presence known by complaining about the local food.
In terms of positives however, I find most American tourists are incredibly friendly and sociable, they usually have no problem talking to strangers and striking up a pleasant conversation, something we Europeans never do with each other (this is also another "tell", but it's one we should adopt).
Especially In Museums[rebelmouse-image 18354807 is_animated_gif=
Generally hear them before I see them. Especially in museums where everyone is extra silent. Except for the Americans, goddammit!
Non-Metric Turn Of Phrase[rebelmouse-image 18354808 is_animated_gif=
They use the term "from a mile away" and not "from a kilometre away."
Obviously[rebelmouse-image 18354810 is_animated_gif=
The huge American flag they are wearing usually gives it away.
Donate Via App[rebelmouse-image 18354811 is_animated_gif=
For some reason, American tourists in Norway always seem to be marveled at how technologically advanced Norway is. Read: how everywhere takes and prefers card, how charity fund raisers that go about with those money jugs also have a sign with an account number you can send money to, how there's a lot of electric cars here, etc etc etc.
Also, they always seem to automatically assume that if you aren't Norwegian, you're either a tourist, or, if you're middle eastern, a refugee. It's always a button annoying when you try to help some lost American couple find a stave church and they brush you off just because you have an Australian accent and are apparently a tourist who doesn't know the place like them even though you've lived in that area for ten years.
Where Are You Running To?[rebelmouse-image 18354813 is_animated_gif=
Footwear. Americans for some reason wear sneakers / running shoes when unnecessary. In the US running shoes/tennis shoes are the default casual shoe. It's becoming less true, but is still very much a presence in our culture. I didn't even own a different style of casual shoe until I was in high school. I think it's probably a result of sending kids to school in shoes they can play in at recess or wear in phys ed that just carries over into adult life.
No One Cares[rebelmouse-image 18350063 is_animated_gif=
As an American who lived in Israel for a while, I realized that Americans do the following:
- We talk loudly,
- Many of the things we say loudly, includes many irrelevant details. "Yes" or "no" answers are of high value in middle eastern culture; but in American culture we like to tell you all about why something is or that our daughter got married last year or our cat has diabetes.
- We are morons about diet. Another American moved to where I lived. He preached about high protein diets, bitched about how he couldn't find fat free milk or pasteurized egg whites, in a country that specializes in high-fat cuisine.
- Americans think the world impressed by their city. No one cares that you're from Las Vegas
Amazed By The Ancient[rebelmouse-image 18354814 is_animated_gif=
- Amazed by things which are more than 200 years old, presumably because they don't have many things that old in the USA.
- Quite often on the heavy side weight-wise (sorry!)
- Hand-held fans, maybe because air conditioning is very common in the USA.
- Expecting everyone to speak English and/or not wanting to learn the local language.
Bigger And Stronger[rebelmouse-image 18354815 is_animated_gif=
I remember I was a small kid in Tijuana. They were typically a lot more good looking than the local population. The girls were hot as hell. The Marines that would come around from San Diego looked like superheroes and made these other guys look... well, not that.
We'd get European tourists as well but the American ones looked bigger and kind of stronger. Especially the military guys, like something out of these Marvel comics, at least the ones in their twenties.
All buff, tall, etc.
Embarrassingly Underdressed[rebelmouse-image 18354816 is_animated_gif=
I always felt embarrassingly underdressed when traveling in Europe.
On the flip side, as a native Arizonan I can always spot the European/English tourist because they will be bright red.
Traffic Circles[rebelmouse-image 18354818 is_animated_gif=
In the UK, first-time American tourists look bewildered trying to navigate their rental car in busy roundabouts (traffic circles)... but from what I understand Americans can't navigate them in America, either.
Raincoats[rebelmouse-image 18354819 is_animated_gif=
Recently visited a very touristy part of my country (Ireland) and my wife observed that "Americans display their wealth through their raincoats."
Americans always seem to be wearing a full designer outdoor adventure wear outfit when everyone else is wearing like...a t shirt and jeans to take a walk around a small village or something.
California Is Totally Different From Kentucky[rebelmouse-image 18354820 is_animated_gif=
All the Americans I saw abroad always traveled as a family and had a MILLION bags, usually the mom would be carrying the largest/most.
Also, we are the only ones who would differentiate between different parts of the country. My European friends never understood why I always asked where in America another American was from. I guess they didn't understand that people from California can be VERY different from Kentucky or Southern people, so you gotta know in order to judge this new person based on stereotypes.
That American Swag[rebelmouse-image 18351974 is_animated_gif=
I've lived in the USA for 18 years, originally from England. It's not really anything specific, and it's hard to explain but Americans have a certain attitude and way of holding themselves that's easily noticeable. They just seem more confident and at ease than other nations. You don't notice it at first, but it's easy to spot after you've lived here a while. Last time we were in England we stopped at a convenience store and two young Americans were sitting opposite, they hadn't spoken but we knew immediately.
My wife walked up:
"You here on vacation?"
"Oh.. yeah! Wow, how did you know?"
"Duh. Where are you from?"
Proudly. "We're from the USA"
"Oh, really honey? Where do you think I'm from?!"
Turns out they were from Ohio and the last thing they expected in some quiet British convenience store was to find someone from their home country.
My wife says I've never acquired it either, she can usually spot English people really quickly too.
Coffee To Go[rebelmouse-image 18354821 is_animated_gif=
When I lived in Europe it dawned on me that anyone walking and drinking coffee is American. Not sure if it holds true today, but back then Europeans definitely stopped, relaxed, and sat / stood at a hightop table to enjoy their coffee. Also, anyone talking unnecessarily loudly is usually American.
Volume As Fluency[rebelmouse-image 18354822 is_animated_gif=
When I was living in Petersburg, I could spot my fellow Americans by the following:
- clothing. American Middle Class has a distinct couture that really stood out against the Finns, Russians, and Baltic citizens.
- dollars. God damn it, people - hit a money exchange before you hit the market. Especially in a country where hard currency was still illegal.
- staring confusedly at the food you just ordered. Beef Stroganoff in a fancy restaurant doesn't look like your Hamburger Helper version, and fish soup is traditionally served with the head still attached.
- volume-as-fluency. While I hate the stereotype of Americans saying something louder in hopes of a non-speaker suddenly understanding due to the pressure of the sound waves shoving meaning directly into their brains, I don't dismiss its truth.
It's Not That Big A Deal[rebelmouse-image 18354823 is_animated_gif=
Loud, extremely loud and slow. To give some explanation to that, it's more than talking loudly. It's closing doors to hard, walking down stairs/escalators to forcefully, and so forth. They are seen as a bit brutish, I guess. My parents ran a tourist park in the bush in Australia and when the American's went hiking you could hear them from 2km away and they'd take forever on what was basically a quick walk around the hill, as well as exaggerate it as if they just went on a 3 day hike in the jungle, for what I was doing alone from the age of 5. Overweight more often than not, and often couldn't cook whatsoever.
The Classic Overshare[rebelmouse-image 18354824 is_animated_gif=
I love Americans but the talking thing is so noticeable. I was in a pub(Ireland)last week and there was this American chatting at the bar. Pretty well away from me. By the time left I knew His name, his hopes and dreams for the future. And the pros and cons of golfing as a tourist. In Copenhagen and there was a group of Americans talking very loudly and facetiming their friends back home. I knew exactly what beers they were all drinking and that they are facetiming Kelly.
If any of us wanted to, we could have scammed them good using the information they freely announced to everyone in the bar.
Let me be real for a second.
Every time I listen to Bjork's "Unravel," my heart breaks a bit.
Have you ever listened to it?
It's on Homogenic, her third studio album, and it's incredible, passionate, smartly produced and a great showcase for her stupendous voice.
That song? An emotional rollercoaster, for sure.
There's tons of great music out there, though, and even more sad and gorgeous songs to discover.
People shared their thoughts after Redditor humanbear07 asked the online community:
"What song genuinely breaks your heart everytime you hear it?"
"Ann Wilson has such an amazing voice..."
"There's a few, but the isolated vocal track for Heart's 'Alone' is especially heartbreaking to me. Ann Wilson has such an amazing voice and her emotion really made that band."
Doesn't grow old.
There have been quite a few excellent covers of this one over the years, too.
"The first words give me chills..."
"Most songs by the late Jeff Buckley are sad on their own, and even more devastating in context. But the one that hits me the hardest is his cover of 'I Know It's Over' by the Smiths."
"The subject of the song is up for interpretation no matter what, but Jeff Buckley's premature death adds an element to it that seems to be about his life, whether he planned to or not."
"The first words give me chills the most— they happen after the classic reverby Jeff Buckley intro, the kind Hallelujah fans will be familiar with. He takes his time with this one, like he does with that."
No love for "Lilac Wine"?
It's clearly the best track.
"Ever since my husband..."
"'Merry Christmas, Darling' by the Carpenters. Ever since my husband Tom died in 2012, my heart breaks every Christmas since. We loved Christmas."
Karen Carpenter's voice hits differently when you realize how tortured her life was.
Gone too young.
"My Dad told me..."
"In My Life by The Beatles. My Dad told me when I was a teenager that he wanted it played at his funeral. I still can't listen, and when that day comes and I HAVE TO listen to it to honor his wish, I'm going to be a blubbering mess."
Sounds like you have an excellent relationship with your dad.
"My grandmother died..."
"He Stopped Loving Her Today, by George Jones. My grandmother died almost 20 years before my grandfather, and we played it at his funeral. Just typing this chokes me up a bit."
Songs have even more meaning (sometimes painfully so) when linked to specific moments in our lives, particularly the moments when we've lost people we care about.
"I'm not a Christian..."
"'Bridge Over Troubled Water' by Simon & Garfunkel. Not a Christian, but when I hear it, I understand why people believe."
A beautiful song, and timeless, too.
"My sister's husband..."
"Always on my Mind by Willie Nelson. My sisters husband chose to have it played at her funeral. And yes he was a crappy husband and she died young in a car accident."
Sounds like art imitating life, no?
"He's an amazing songwriter..."
"Jason Isbell has so many it's honestly hard to choose one. Speed Trap Town, Decoration Day, Cover Me Up. He's an amazing songwriter."
I don't know him–it's time to look him up and see how I feel.
"I can already feel tears..."
"One More Light by Linkin Park. I can already feel tears coming to my eyes just by typing this."
Chester Bennington's death was such a shock.
His music lives on.
"My brothers passed away..."
"Simple Man - Lynyrd Skynyrd."
"My brothers passed away in a car accident shortly after coming home from Afghanistan. Reminds me of them every time I hear it."
Sorry for your loss.
Hopefully hearing the song brings you peace.
Hearing a beautiful song can be an immensely moving experience.
And hearing a sad song can, for many people, help them cope with the pain of heartbreak better than they would have otherwise.
Have some suggestions of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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Unfortunately, a friendship could really end at any point in life.
Friends grow apart, but also, sometimes, it's just necessary to say goodbye to your relationship with a friend.
Maybe they aren't the right type of friend for you anymore, or maybe something has happened in their lives to make them self-destructive and toxic.
The reasons are many, and they are all sad.
Redditor monarchmondays asked:
"People who have unfriended their childhood friend/best friend, what happened?"
Here were some of those answers.
Bad Looking Out
"I was more-so the one who was unfriended. Was going to be the best man in his wedding. Saw his fiance out with another dude. Like on this dude."
"Told him, he told me I was wrong, Yada Yada. Things got heated. I told him I couldn't be his best man. Some years down the road, he caught her cheating."
"Called me up, asked if I wanted to grab a beer. I went. He apologized. I accepted, but we're still not friends."-TheMotorcycleMan
Friends Don't Control Friends
"He was a pathological liar, manipulative and told all of my most trusted secrets to everyone because he wanted to feel powerful and like he controlled me."
"Haven't spoken a word in 5 years and I have never looked back."-TheDandy9
Sometimes Life Is The Only Thing In The Way
"As soon as I left my hometown and my best friend growing up stayed, we both changed in opposite directions. He assimilated to the local lifestyle, quickly became friends with people he never got along with in school."
"I left, made new friends, found new things I liked. He started a family, I started a career."
"The final straw though was he RSVP'd to our wedding and then just didn't show. No text, no call, no anything. I think he was pissed that I didn't make him my best man after I was his best man, even though it was exactly because he wasn't reliable and made everything about himself that I couldn't do it."
"He caused sh*t at other people's weddings and I just didn't want to deal with what I knew would be inevitable. It did highlight though that growing up I was his best friend as a matter of convenience where I genuinely liked hanging out with him."-porscheblack
It's never fun or happy to lose a friend, but sometimes it's necessary for your healing process.
We've Reached The Point Of No Return
"I haven't unfriended her YET but I'm basically at the point where I'm sick of her drama, pettiness and 'main character syndrome.'"
"Anything that doesn't go her way is taken personally and if you disagree with her (or even have a preference that differs from hers) she will berate you into submission and 'agreement.'"
"And heaven forbid you have a life that doesn't consider her wants and desires. We're both 30, almost 31. I'm too old for that sh*t."-Deezus1229
When The Punches Come, I Go
"I met my ex-best mate in school, he had a little narcissistic personality, but I understood that and ignored his faults."
"In late Teens, we started drinking and partying as most do; this is when it became apparent that he had alcohol problems, forever being violent looking for fights, killing my good vibes, and getting me pulled into unwanted situations where I saved him or stopped him from beating on someone for no good reason."
"Throughout our life, he never attempted to fight me. He remained a pretty good friend to me until our first trip overseas to Asia; during our trip, he tried to coward punch me in the back of the head because I asked him to put out his cigarette that he had just lit."
"I asked him because we were seated in a restaurant surrounded by families, for some reason that angered him, I got up to leave and luckily heard him coming and avoided his punch, but he then tried to attack me further, which ended with us both on the ground and me on top of him while he shouted and went crazy."
"Eventually, police arrived and pointed a gun at both of us; luckily, they didn't shoot. Having foreign police aiming at me because my friend wouldn't calm down was one of the most scary moments in my life and that's saying something because I don't come from a easy upbringing."
"He was drunk, of course, and claims he doesn't remember, but there's no excuse to try and coward punch anyone, especially your best mate."
"I packed my bags that night and left our joint holiday plans in the dirt, traveling solo and having a blast. When I got back from my trip, I quit drinking myself and have remained sober for the last five years."
"Throughout that five years, I've had brief encounters with him, but our friendship was never the same. Unfortunately, my old friend never changed as he aged; he eventually went to jail."
"I work in hospitals and have seen him show up to the emergency triage, bashed with broken bones, and just a few months ago, he randomly knocked at my door where my wife answered, he was covered in blood."
"My wife went and woke me up; he had a stab wound and refused to go to the hospital; I drove him home and haven't seen or spoken to him since.. His brother updated me and said he was fine, whatever that means."-King-Callous
When He's A Predator
"I, a 5th grader at the time, knew this chick who was in the 7th grade dating a junior in hs. The dude thought she was 16 because she was lying about her age."
"They had been f**king and sexting and all that jazz...he didn't know she was a minor. I went and told him, and they broke up, and he was pissed... yada, yada yada..."
"They became friends again after a few years. When I was in the 8th grade, she called just so he could flirt with me 🤮. I was 13 then, and he was probably around 20. I blocked her real quick."-Cancerous0713
The End Of An Era
"Inseparable all through jr and HS. We graduated in 85 so no social media but I still feel ghosted. He stopped returning my calls, I always had to initiate and when we did get together he wasn't that interested."
"I gave it a few tries but I got the message and just stopped contacting him and he never reach out to me after that. I never new why and it took almost 10 years for me to get over it and stop thinking about it every day."
"I kind of wish he would have just told me he doesn't like me anymore. I have a current best friend I met in college and we've been friends for 30+ years so it's all good."-DreamArcher
There is never a right time to say goodbye to someone you once considered a trusted friend.
"My best friends young son was killed in a four wheeler accident. I was the first responding paramedic. I had to take him from my friends arms to work on him. Knowing he was dead the all along."
"We flex the child on Lifeflight then I drove my best friend and his wife to the hospital. I knew all along he was dead but they didn't. It wasn't his fault or mine that he died in any way but I could never look my best friend in the eye again."
"All I could see was his pain. So we drifted apart. I finally got to tell him and his wife before my friend died with heart trouble."-hotandhornyinbama
Secret Mental Health Leeches
"She started being nasty to my husband when we got engaged. It was so gross. She was snarky and rude to him every time he spoke and made him feel unwelcome in our own home."
"I kind of fell out of friend love with her after watching her behave like that. My mom thinks it was jealousy or something, idk. My husband is the most fun and caring person I've ever known, I expected her to be happy for me."
"In retrospect, I realized there were a lot of other red flag issues I had been ignorant of. It's been 3 years now and I am so much mentally healthier without the drama she was churning up."-ThunderHeavyRains
When Mom Damaged Her
"Had a friend I met pre-kindergarten but had a falling out in middle school. Families knew each other and we were like sisters. But sadly, her mom was a true definition of a Tiger mom. Her mom always pushed my friend to be in all of these extracurricular activities, music lessons, tutoring, etc. Her mom was always dissatisfied; nothing was good enough."
"She wasn't the most nurturing parent. But my parents were the opposite. Especially my mom, she just wanted me to be a good person and do my best. But naturally I was a very good student."
"So my friend's mom would always compare my friend to me saying I was better than her because I was naturally gifted and didn't NEED all of that help. My friend began to resent me."
"Throughout puberty, she would call me a slut because I was physically developing, tried to imply I was ugly just to see my reaction, threatened to punch me, things I understood where they were coming from but did not think were justified as I had not done anything directly to her."
"Final straw was when she posted on Facebook that she thought I was ugly so I just cut her off completely. I pitied her for her family life but her bitterness toward me was wrong. Because through my eyes, she was my best friend and all she wanted to do was hurt me. Don't regret cutting it off"-dookieconductor
The sad truth is that people are not always meant to be close, and that some people are too mentally unhealthy to have any kind of closeness in their lives.
Until they grow up, there is not much we can do but sadly step aside and take care of ourselves.
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Certain personalities show up at almost every party like clockwork.
There's always that person who get's too drunk, someone awkwardly standing in the corner nursing a drink, the person who's not having a good time no matter what and the person babysitting the crowd they came with.
When there's alcohol—or any other substances—and the pressure of a social situation, all sorts of quirks will come out. We wanted to know what people thought their country would act like if they were a person attending a party.
Redditor amotyvukufyd asked:
"All the countries of the world are at a party. What is your country doing?"
Here are some of the best and most hilarious answers.
The United Kingdom is just leaving.
"Not before slapping the knees and saying 'right.'"
"Northern Ireland looks nervously at her sister before putting her sunglasses on and following."
"As an American from the Midwest, we do a 'welp' knee slap. Then sit/stand for another 25 minutes before leaving."
"Then talk in the porch. Then talk in the doorway. Then talk in the driveway. Then talk out the car window."
"'Yuh, I guess.'"
"'See you around, I suppose.'"
"'Yuh you bet.'"
"Buzz of the window rolling up."
Argentina is in the backyard.
"Argentina is either playing football in the backyard with Brazil or aggressively telling whoever's at the grill how to cook a steak."
"Don't forget, they're also drinking fernet and coke, or even cheap wine and juice, out of a cut off bottle even though there were enough glasses for everyone."
"While listening to El Potro Rodrigo."
"For sure we're arguing with Texans over asado."
"Texas would also totally be there despite not being a country itself."
"Texas showing up to a party where only entire nations are invited is such a Texas thing to do."
Greece is making questionable choices.
"I'm Greek so I guess a lot of sex, wine and questionable financial decisions that will ruin us the morning after."
"At least you have your club of friends who will drive you home when you pass out. My country, Argentina, will spend the night borrowing money. When they finally kick him out, he'll have to walk home, broke and alone. And it will start to rain."
Poland fighting with Russia, Belarus, and Ukraine.
"Poland. In the corner with Russia, Belarus and Ukraine, drinking vodka and fighting each other. Poland fighting Belarus and Ukraine fighting Russia."
"With some EU guys walking by with fancy drinks, dropping some concerns."
"And then Russia says 'Oh, you want some too?' And the EU guys turn and walk away."
"Then hours later writes a strongly worded comment to Russia's Facebook page. After spending 8 hours arguing over the exact wording."
Germany brings the beer.
"I'm German and I'd say Germany would complain about the taste of the beer."
"Germany should be bringing the beer. Please don't leave it to America who will bring some watery Coors Light!"
"Wouldn't they discuss politics too?"
"We so would! I was thinking about what we would do what wasn't absolutely cliché (like bringing the beer). I feel we would not only discuss politics but also rant about it. And other stuff. I feel ranting is really something we like to do. But also Germany would be drinking way too much and be completely fine the next morning..."
India is awkwardly dancing.
"India/that uncle dancing inappropriately in the middle of the dance floor."
"Not gonna lie, they got da best moves though."
"I was gonna say India would be that aunty gossiping about and judging others' outfits/looks, but this one is better."
The USA is just destroying things for fun.
"USA. Chugging beers and trying to smash a foldable table by jumping on it."
"I think the US would be like a really obnoxious frat dude that's also kinda fun. Like waaaay over the top bragging... but also did bring the weed. Then word gets around that he has a gun on him and it makes everyone uncomfortable, but he says it's just cause Russia and China are packing too."
"I figure we'd also be the one who obnoxiously insists on 'defending' every girl in the party- whether the girl wants it or not. Lots of 'do you wanna go?' energy, then trying to clean up any mess we make but just doing the absolute worst job of it while staying way, waaay too long after the party is over."
"We'd also get mad at China for stealing our famous brownie recipe even though we asked them to make it for us."
We aren't sure we want to be invited to that party.
Sounds like there's gonna be a lot of drama.
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Irrespective of men's sexual identity or preference, there are men who hate sports, and there are men who love musical theater. Do participating in either activity make men straight or gay?
"Straight men of Reddit, what is the strangest thing you have been told not to do because 'that's gay?'"
The following behavior just screams, "gay," fellas. Watch out.
"Sing a Lily Allen song during karaoke."
"Advice I received in high school from other students:" "Don't cross your legs with one knee over the other. Put one ankle over the other knee." "When carrying books, palm them and carry them at your side. Don't rest one edge of the books near your waist." "Never button the top button of your shirt."
Look, But Don't Look
"This one time, at summer camp, this guy who'd just been swimming in the lake told me you could tell how cold the water was by how hard his nipples were. 'But don't stare too long,' he said, 'because that's gay.'"
"You were the one who told me to look in the first place!"
Sandwich For Sissies
"When I was a kid, my dad called me a sissy because I cut a sandwich diagonally."
"I played the clarinet. I got called Faginet a lot."
"But that's one women do," one might argue.
"Changing my daughter's diaper. Mentioned it in the office one day. Called gay."
A Lighter Shade
"Buying a white IPhone."
"Added my husband (then boyfriend) to my phone plan. Went to the store on my own to upgrade both our phones. We both just wanted the next gen Samsung. It was only available in purplish-pink in store."
"I shrugged and said it didn't matter, he's putting a case on it anyways. Guys working at the store kept trying to talk me out of it, actively pushing me to go to another store, making them lose commission, just so my partner wouldn't have a feminine phone. He used his pink phone for 3 years."
"I've been criticized for knowing how to sew and cook. Those are essential life skills!"
"My father was a Marine drill instructor in the 50's. Guess who did all the sewing in my house growing up?"
"Yeah, no one dared to call him gay for it."
Here are examples of guidelines for being a manly man, according to manly men.
"Not a straight man but... back in my bartending days I asked a man if he wanted to see a dessert menu. He said 'if I wanted dessert I'd order wings like a real man.'"
"Weird flex but okay."
When I'm In The Mood, I Masticate
"When I'm feeling extra manly, I just take a bite out of a cow and then chew on some raw wheat."
"Like a man."
No Appointments Necessary For Straight Men
"I left a pick-up basketball game because I had an appointment to get a haircut. Evidently, the only straight way to get a haircut is as a walk in."
Abiding By The Law Is So Gay
"Using turn signals. And not as some sort of euphemism, but literally using them while driving to turn or change lanes."
In grade school, some fellow classmates asked me to check for gum on my shoe because they saw me step in some.
When I lifted my leg to take a gander, the boys were howling hysterically as if my actions confirmed something.
Well, it sure did. Apparently, if I l looked at the bottom of my shoe from in front of me, I was "normal," but since I bent my leg back and looked at the bottom of my shoe from behind, that made me "so gay."
Although, I didn't come out 'til years later, maybe those goons were onto something. Thanks for the heads up, guys.
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