People Reveal How Their Relationships Almost Ended And How They Mended Things
Relationships are hard. Believe it or not, love often means having to say you're sorry. It's essential to the growth and maintenance of the relationship. It's also how a relationship can come back from the brink of demise.
u/rainbowcake12 asked Reddit:
When did you ALMOST end things with your SO/spouse, and how did you fix your relationship? [Serious]
Here were some answers.
Tell Mom To Get OutGiphy
She couldn't say no to her mom. Also her mom suuuuucked. She was super controlling and pretty emotionally and verbally abusive, calling her a whore and a failure pretty regularly. Now this was a girl who was prim and proper with a 4.0 GPA and it wasn't good enough. She was so used to having to her mom because any hint of disobedience meant days of verbal abuse and it just wasn't worth the hassle to her. I tried everything to help, from upping her self esteem to arguing with her mom myself to trying to give her more s*** then her mom when she didn't stand up for herself.
Ironically, getting married solved all our problems. Her mom tried to take control of the wedding plans and she just snapped I guess because she was even more confrontational than me. The first time was over a veil. She's really not into the whole idea of "giving your daughter away" and hated a veil because of it. Her mom wanted a traditional wedding and demanded she wear a veil. My SO went off on her like nothing I had ever seen from her and every time since then she has never been afraid to stand up for herself, even if she does have to some small things. I'm so proud of her.
Next stop, making Christmas not traumatic anymore.
The Tornado Was A GodsendGiphy
Here's a story about my old roommate. He was dating this girl for a while, and it just wasn't working out. He told me one night that he was dreading it but he was going to break up with her. The next night a tornado knocked our house down and he was forced to move in with her. I guess they were forced to work through all of their issues, because he married her the following year and has never been happier.
I had decided it was over before it began. I had dated this woman in high school and we had broken up. She and I were close off and on after. She always wanted to get back together but I was adamant about being on my own. I had horribly toxic friends who liked to make fun of her and being the spineless man I was I kept her distant.
I had one friend who kept a little pressure on me to be better. He pushed me to try again because he saw I wanted to. So with his help our relationship began again. Unfortunately I had it in my head that we would give it a try for a few months and then I would break it off. I don't know why I never considered it would just work.
Finally I mentioned it to my boss who also happened to be a friend who knew us both that I didn't think it would work but I was giving it a try. He just looked at me funny and said "Well why would it automatically not work? Have you considered trying?" I didn't know what to say. I just spent some time thinking and realized even if it didn't work, I needed to actually try. And it has been the best choice I've made. We have had rough patches but we are going nearly 6 years strong at this point and I plan on proposing here soon.
So Far AwayGiphy
The long distance over three years was starting to get to me. We wanted to be together, but it seemed like she wasn't really trying hard to find a job where I lived at the time and there were not really any jobs in my pretty specific scope of IT available where she lived. Turned out she also only liked a specific type of job in her field.
It didn't help that I had met someone where I was living that I started to have feelings for and I'm pretty sure she liked me too.
At one point I tried to break it off with my SO... she could hear it in my voice before I could get the words out.. it was really difficult.. but she pleaded with me not to end it. So I didn't break it off with my SO.. stuck it out a little longer and got a job where she was living a few months later.
Now we're married with a couple of kiddos and I wouldn't trade it for the world.
Think Before You DrinkGiphy
I drank too much. I was never abusive, emotionally or verbally (the thought of hurting her makes me sick) But we lived apart for a year while I was finishing undergrad and she was in her first year of medical school. My drinking had apparently gotten to the point where my friends were concerned enough to contact her about it. She had no idea how much or little I was drinking at the time, other than what my friends' had told her and what I had told her.
She called me up one night and tearfully said I needed to get help or she couldn't be with me. I stopped drinking altogether for a while and saw a therapist for a few months, and that seemed to make her happy.
At the time I didn't think, and still don't think, I was an alcoholic or even close to being one, but being able to speak to a therapist and work out some of my other issues was helpful for us in the long run.
There's been a few times where he hasn't communicated with me about work stress or how he's feeling about specific situations, and would get these really bad moods where he would shut me out, or snap at me over little things.
We'd argue and eventually go off into separate rooms. He stews things over, I process and try to see it from his point of view. I'd then go and talk to him and stay calm when he'd get angry again. Eventually my staying calm, calms him and he'll open up.
Now I've learnt the warning signs, so I don't get angry with him, I'm also more confident and trusting in our relationship, we've been together nearly 6 years, are buying a house and planning on getting married. I know he loves me, I don't have the insecurities from my past anymore (abusive ex), so when he does get a mood I ask him about his day, and listen (even though I don't understand much about his work) or I'll set up the good tv with whatever game he's currently playing and chill some beers in the fridge. When he's ready he'll talk it through with me. I don't push it anymore but I also don't let him stew to the point he explodes.
I come from a family that is very close and everyone knows everyone's business to a certain extent. My OH's family are very reserved in comparison, we've had to learn each others quirks from being raised so differently.
It's Not A Real ProblemGiphy
I almost did once (years ago) when we were dating because I just couldn't get her to leave me tf alone every now and then. I thought she was too clingy. Sometimes I felt like she lacked any common sense and it bothered the hell out of me.
To be honest, at the time I didn't break up with her because I was too scared that it was a mistake. I brought it up with her that I was pretty unhappy and I subconsciously wanted her to end it. I knew she wouldn't, because she wasn't that type of person. She was 100% committed to me regardless of whether or not I was having doubts.
I think that's what turned it around. I realized that she had her faults just like anyone else, but it's hard to hate that kind of commitment. It was completely and utterly my own problem, and I got over it. I really just needed to analyze my expectations for other people.
That being said, my relationship was and is a good one. We don't have serious compatibility issues. There were no major roadblocks to us being together. I understand that many relationships don't have that benefit. But in my case, I just had to realize what I had.
Anxiety As A RoadblockGiphy
My BF and I are actually still working on it. We have been temporary breaking up once for less than a month and then there were times when we nearly broke up.
The problem is my intense social anxiety. It got to the point where I just stopped going to restaurants because I would then be forced to interact with the waiting staffs. It makes my working life a constant stress, so much that I feel like I am going to die out of stress or heart attack any time soon. It strains my relationship with my BF because it hurts him so much seeing me like this. However him acting as my caretaker or minder has killed his romantic feelings towards me. He wants a strong, assertive and indepedent kind of woman...and right now I am none of those.
I have been going to therapy for several months now and amping up on physical exercise and some extreme sports. I hope to see a more positive result someday in the future (preferably soon).
My wife got blackout drunk at our house warming party, and ended up kissing my best friend's wife. She didn't remember anything the next morning, and had no idea why I was extremely angry with her. When I explained what happened, she cried, and I needed space. We had just moved into a rental home together, and it was tough for a while. That also wasn't the first time her drunkenness got on my nerves. She locked my friend and I out on the balcony for 15 minutes when she blacked out when it was about 30 degrees outside thinking it was funny. Luckily her friend opened up the door later. I gave her an ultimatum that she had to stop drinking heavily, or else I'd walk. Thankfully she did, and two years later we got married.
I just admitted to my husband last weekend that this story was the first time I ever questioned if we were in for a troubled marriage:
My husband kept telling me he wanted to remodel the basement. I told him "sure", thinking that we'd get serious about it sometime soon, but obviously we need a plan, budget, etc.
Shortly after, on a cold February night, we're sitting on the basement couch drinking wine when my husband says "Hey, can you help me load up the truck?" I'm like, "Huh, what are we loading?" He says, "The couch. I'm going to take it to the dump tomorrow!".
I was so confused. I'm like "The couch we're sitting on now?" He says "yeah. we're going to remodel the basement, right?"
Coincidentally, he ended up sleeping on the couch that night. It turned into a pretty big fight and I was *seriously* freaked out over how impulsive he was willing to act over something that is so time consuming and expensive. I'm a serious planner and I'm very strategic. For about 2 weeks, I was horrified. Now I realize that we balance each other out in this regard!
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Reddit user APT3993 asked: 'What’s the biggest red flag you have seen on a first date?'
When you're on a first date, one of three things will happen. Either you'll like the person and want to go out again, you like the person fine, but not romantically, and won't want to go out again, or the person will display a behavior that is so off-putting (or make you genuinely fearful), that you won't even want to see the person ever again.
My best friend and I are basically the same person, so when she met a guy who he had a lot in common with, she figured I'd like him too and set us up (I had previously told her I was okay with being set up).
Well, it turns out the guy actually hadn't read any of the books, watched any of the shows, or heard of any of the bands he talked about with my friend. I didn't understand why he would lie about all these things until I left the table.
When I came back, he was on the phone with someone and he was telling them he only told her he liked all those things because he liked my friend. When he found out she was in a relationship, he decided he'd let her set us up in the hopes that he could date me until my friend and her boyfriend broke up, and then he could swoop in.
I just walked out and when he finally texted me asking what was up, I told him I overheard him, then proceeded to block him. My friend was mortified to hear about the date, and I decided never to be set up again.
I'm not the only one who has gone on a date and discovered a huge red flag. Redditors have experienced this too, and are eager to share their stories.
It all started when Redditor APT3993 asked:
"What’s the biggest red flag you have seen on a first date?"
Dates Of Relationships Past
"They won't shut up about their ex."
"Had this happen to me on a 2nd date."
"Asked if she could use my computer, I said OK. Then she pulls up her ex's FB profile to browse through it, and she spent the next 10 minutes comparing me to him, saying he she thinks that I will turn out to be controlling and manipulative like him because we both grew up on a farm and we both like cars."
"He angrily told me I would “love” his ex wife. Proceeded to cry while talking about her. They’d been divorced for 5 years. I genuinely hope he is doing better."
"She constantly compared me to her ex, and sat on her phone for most of the night, then expected me to pay for her two bottles of wine, plus really expensive meal and desert."
"She asked me out btw, not the other way around."
I Know What I Want
"The guy who tried to change my order with the waitress because he didn’t think the drink I’d asked for was sufficiently feminine."
"I ordered beer. I don’t remember exactly what he thought I should have, maybe white wine? It was a long time ago."
"The waitress was looking at me like ‘You heard that sh*t too right?’ and I told her actually I wouldn’t have anything, thanks, and I left."
"He changed it FROM A BEER TO SOMETHING ELSE!!?! That’s amazing to me. Like it’s bad enough if you ordered an IPA and he said, “I dunno, sweetie, your delicate female taste buds probably can’t handle the hoppiness. Hey, honey, why don’t we get the lady a Coors.”"
The Position Of Boyfriend
"We met for drinks after work (since we both work in the same industry) and she showed up with a list of interview questions. She literally had a checklist on her phone for me to fill out. I thought she was joking at first, but the questions were extremely personal, like how many sexual partners you've had, the oldest, the youngest; How much money you made the previous year; If you owned a house, a car, a boat, a plane; Did you have a criminal history; Where do you parents live; Are they alive; Who did you vote for in the last election; All kinds of stuff like that."
"I even proposed that we could just use that as a conversation starter and we could work through them like that as a fun way to get to know each other. I was really trying. She tells me that she's not answering any of them because I'm trying to date her, not the other way around!"
"I laughed out loud thinking she was kidding, then realized she was absolutely serious. I wished her all the best in the dating world, chugged my beer, overtipped the waitress, and left."
"Yeah, I would really push that to the limit without getting law enforcement involved. Start with all the times I have ended up in rehabilitation, my abductions by UFO, the wild, kinky sex partners I have had, the millions I have lost before living under a bridge, etc."
Scary As Hell
"Had a guy who insisted on buying the most expensive pizza at the restaurant despite my protests then kissed my head when he walked past me to use the restroom. After dinner we walked along the waterfront, he kissed me and then immediately tried to choke me "to be sexy". First date, last date."
"What the sh*t?? Who taught this idiot that choking in public on the first date all without consent is a great get-to-know-you move??"
"This was literally the day of a first date. But I had matched with an older man when I was still on dating apps. We planned to go on a hike on a very beautiful day by the water. On the day of the date, he wanted me to leave my car at his place, while he drove us through the backwoods so we can beat traffic. I said I’ll be happy to drive myself, and he laughed and canceled. His reasoning was he’s been stood up so many times and he didn’t want to waste his time and me not show up. I said “okay!I apologize for the inconvenience. I hope you find what you are looking for. “and blocked him."
"The red flag was when he genuinely got upset that I didn’t want to ride in a car with a stranger through the backwoods for our first date."
"You should have said “you fear being stood up, I fear being murdered.”"
"He pointed to another woman at the bar and said she was his ex. But she happened to be my lesbian roommate."
"Yes, I told him I knew he was full of it cuz she was my roommate, and I pointed out her girlfriend who was there with her. I don’t remember what he said exactly but he had no choice but to admit he was lying. I wish I had asked why he said it. I assume to make me jealous? Like that’s a good way to start a relationship? Obviously, that was the only date."
Those Who Came Before
"He told me he had been divorced 5 times. I'm taking the advice of 5 women I don't know."
"The way you phrased this killed me 😂"
Got Her Feeling Emotions
"Does bursting into tears after I told them I didn't like a TV show count?"
"I'm curious as to what TV show it was?"
"bursts into tears"
"He took me to his house (he lived with his mom) just so HE could eat dinner with his mom while I sat in the living room. I listened to them eat and talk about my looks like I couldn't hear them. Apparently, I was pretty but "needed to be taken down a peg or two." I said my period had started so I had to go home. A future abuser and his enabler mommy."
"We went to a movie. He spent the first half with his hand inside one of his socks, then pulling it out and smelling it, putting it back in, repeat, repeat."
"Then he spent the second half trying to hold my hand. With his sock hand."
– Deleted User
Bad From The Start
"She asked if I could order for her because she was uncomfortable talking to the brown waitress.
"Added: Same girl would not stop talking about Kardashian gossip even though I told her I know nothing about them and didn’t care to know."
"He showed up drunk with a bouquet of flowers he admitted he stole from his mother's flower shop."
"Went to a charity coffee shop for a date. It was “free” coffee where they just ask for donations which went toward their org’s efforts to feed and house people. They explained this to him and asked if he wanted to make a donation for our drinks."
"He said no."
Oh, yikes! I would be so embarrassed!
In fact, I'm kind of losing faith in dating as a concept.
Commercial aviation began in the late 1920s, spurred on by early aeronautical companies and several record breaking solo flights.
Since then, there are few places on Earth that can't be seen or accessed by plane. Only icing limits humans from low altitude flights over certain areas like the polar regions, while a lack of landing locations keeps some areas accessible to only the smallest pontoon planes.
From January through December 2022, United States airlines carried 853 million passengers. Globally, air travel reached a high of over 4.7 billion passengers before the pandemic limited flights.
Since then, global air travel has rebounded to over 3.7 billion passengers.
With almost 100 years and over a trillion passengers, the people who crew these flights are bound to have seen everything happen that possibly could at airports and on a flight.
Reddit user New-Low5765 asked:
"People who work in the airline industry, what are some of the craziest things you have seen?"
Don't Drink And Tow Aircraft
"Worked as ground crew. 2nd day on the job we were issued a notice to gather."
"So when you check in every morning you’re supposed to always take a breathalyzer test to prove you can like you know, ride around the tarmack, use pushbacks on planes, etc..."
"For whatever reason this dude hadn’t taken it/got past without taking it."
"He was not sober."
"He was tasked with pulling a 370 [aircraft] into a hangar."
"He eyeballed it for whatever reason."
"So here we are watching a video of this absolute loon break the whole wing off while damaging the hangar in the process."
"Because he was drunk, insurance doesn’t kick in."
"We were promptly told that Christmas bonuses might be a bit smaller."
"Someone had the tip of their finger cut off when closing the door to the plane and didn't say anything until the flight landed at the arrival gate and when the door was opened the chunk of finger fell out."
"The staff then said, 'Oh yeah, that's my finger. you can throw it away'."
"I guess he just bandaged and wrapped his own hand."
"It was about 1/4 of his finger including the nail that was cut off. The cutoff portion wasn't particularly bloody and it was really pale."
"A plane I got on once almost left without half of its aircrew on it."
"'Let’s just go, they can meet us there'."
"Plot twist. That included the pilots."
"Coffin with dead body inside being left off the flight due to overload without notice either to us or the family and the family realising it by seeing it while the plane was leaving and screaming to us."
~ elenivogemployee of the month ups GIFGiphy
"Saw the pilot walk into the passenger area and say 'I'm not flying this piece of sh*t' and get off the plane."
"All the passengers followed him."
"Hell yeah, I'm following the pilot off the plane if something like this happens!"
"I had something similar happen, but never got on the plane."
"It was sitting there seemingly ready but they never started boarding."
"Eventually the pilots walk off the plane and a few of us heard them say ‘This junk isn’t going anywhere’."
"Flight ended up getting cancelled a short time later."
"I was threatened with [pilots walking out] multiple times a week as an aircraft dispatcher."
"Auxiliary power units (APUs) run the air conditioning (AC) in the aircraft and they were always broken down and not fixed quickly, so when the pilots show up it is hot as hell inside and there's no ground crew to connect the external AC."
"So I would get a call from the Captain telling me he is not going to fly this piece of shit because it is too hot."
"Then they'd go on a tirade about how bad the company sucks because they don't do maintenance."
"I would agree with them completely."Giphy
"Then by the end of the call they'd say they will take it but the company sucks and needs to fix the APU."
"Occasionally the captain would refuse it, but then the ground crew would hook up the AC and they would always get back inside and fly it."
"For sure there were issues that popped up where the AC had an unsolvable issue and it would result in a cancelled flight."
"I’m Dallas-Fort Worth based. No APU/AC in November? Meh, whatever."
"No APU/AC in August in Texas?"
"I’m not going on that airplane. Ground just can’t keep up."
☣️ Bio-Hazard ☣️
"Flight diverted to my airport because a girl in hotpants got uncontrollable diarrhea from the laxatives she took before the flight to help get over her weekend binge in Vegas."
"She sh*t in her seat and down the aisle and all over the bathroom."
"Five other passengers had uncontrollable vomiting because of this and the panic on the plane from the crew and rest of passengers caused the plane to make an emergency landing."
"They ended up having to cancel the remaining leg of the flight to decontaminate the plane."
"Police were sent and interviewed her and her friends and no charges were filed. I don't know if the airline put her on any kind of no-fly list or tried to have her pay for damages."
"There were two suitcases checked in that were full of nothing but weed."
"The police arrested him in the gating area & confiscated the bags."
"Something similar happened when I was a ramp rat back in the 1960s."
"Law enforcement was going to do the arrest at his destination."
"The weed disappeared before they got there."
"As a baggage handler I once had a shipment of live Alaskan crabs escape their container on the ramp."
"Flights were delayed."
"Turns out those guys scatter when they panic and try to hide under anything and everything."
"My significant other worked doing maintenance checks on commercial planes."
"This explains why they once found a bunch of dead crabs under the floorboards in the cargo bay. It was a mysterious mystery."
Avoiding A Strip Search?
"A fully naked woman just walked through the terminal and tried to walk through security like she wasn’t fully naked."
"She was just very considerately trying to make it easier for TSA."
"They make you take off your shoes but they don't say that's all you can take off."
"I witnessed this in the security screening of a large American airport."
"And to be fair, there was a language barrier as the passenger in question seemed to be speaking mainly French, and struggling to understand the TSA agent's instructions in English."
"Female passenger (tall, attractive, and sophisticated-looking) was wearing a business suit with a pencil skirt and matching jacket, which was buttoned closed, going through security."
"The TSA agent told her she had to remove the jacket. She ignored and tried to go through anyway."
"He stopped her and told her again more loudly (that's when everyone started noticing)."
"She said no. He insisted. She refused again, and tried to walk through."Giphy
"He got angry."
"She tried to explain something but it was unclear because her English was poor."
"It went back and forth."
"They both started getting angry and frustrated. It started holding up the line and other passengers were getting agitated."
"A few people tried to intervene and explain more calmly that she needed to put her jacket through the x-ray machine."
"Finally, near tears, she blurted out 'fine' and removed her jacket, revealing that she was wearing nothing at all underneath, and walked through the screening machine topless."
I'm a nervous flyer so it's not something I do often, but I still feel a little cheated that nothing this bizarre has happened while I was traveling.
Has something ever happened during your travels?
Share it in the comments.
We've all heard our fair share of conspiracy theories, from thoughts about the White House to aliens and beyond.
But some conspiracy theories have become truly strange and nuanced, and it's hard to stop listening to the person explaining their beliefs, because as weird as some of these theories sound, they could almost by some stretch of the imagination make sense.
Intrigued, Redditor Accomplished-Leg-991 asked:
"What's the weirdest or craziest theory you have heard of?"
"Traffic barrels are left up for so long because the Department of Transportation bought too many and has no place to store them."
The Grass Is Always Greener
"The truck driver that delivered my flooring gave me this gem: The push for green lawns in the US is by Big Pharma."
"The cliff notes version is that to get green grass, you need pesticides, pesticides cause cancer, and cancer is good business for drug companies. It was like a 20-minute long rant to get to that conclusion and it was an adventure."
"I need to drink with him for one night. That cannot possibly be the only banger he's got."
The Ice Wall
"Recently TikTok kept giving bizarre suggestions where people trying to prove Ice Wall in Antarctica that Earth is bigger and something is hiding behind ice wall in Antarctica… What the h**l."
"It's a weird subset of flat earthers, who believe in an 'infinite plane' that lies beyond the ice wall (guarded by NASA, of all people), and the reason? The infinite plane has endless amounts of gold mines and gems they can mine for infinite money."
Tinkering with the Algorithm
"That Walt Disney was cryogenically frozen, and they made the movie 'Frozen' so that when people googled 'Walt Disney Frozen,' the movie would come up first."
"They updated this theory, but now it is with Taylor Swift. It basically says that she went to that Kansas City Chiefs vs NY Jets game so that when people search 'Taylor Swift Jets,' it will only show news about the game, and not about her going everywhere with her private jets."
"It's so wild now these rely on people being completely unable to go to page two of a Google search."
The All-Important Celebrity Weddings
"I had a coworker that fully believes the government controls the weather so celebrities can have nice weddings."
"Out of all the reasons to control the weather, celebrity weddings are a top priority for the government."
The Truth of Social Security Numbers
"Your social security number indicates which bank you were sold to at birth."
"Ah, sovereign citizens..."
Dinosaur Bones, Huh?
"Dinosaur bones were placed on earth by Satan to trick people into 'abandoning' God."
"There's a big American Church whose members believe that dinosaur bones exist because God made the Earth with leftovers from a previous planet."
"Mental gymnastics to justify their belief that the Earth is only 10'000 years old and C14 dates dinosaur bones as being millions of years old..."
"I'm absolutely not shocked. The person who told me jumps through so many mental hoops to try to disprove science. She thinks that the government is secretly working for Satan to convert people, too."
"Oh and of course Disney. She's crazy overall. Not just with religious stuff. I could tell so many stories of her crossing lines and saying off-the-wall things. I try to not associate with her as much as possible."
The Worst Kind of Waiting Room
"The USS Philadelphia Experiment and the US army soldier who claimed he was in an interdimensional waiting room as a greeter for eternity until he was suddenly transported back onto the ship."
"People claimed it was a cloaking device gone wrong and left men's bodies trapped within the steel of the boat upon reentry."
"I never looked into it but read about it in a book that had a statement like, 'Nothing in this book is true but it's exactly the way things are,' or something similar. Always thought it was the wildest conspiracy theory ever when I was a stoned teenager reading it."
Phantom Time Conspiracy Theory
"There’s a whole podcast with hundreds of episodes dedicated to this subject. Worth a listen. One of the wildest ones is that Charlemagne’s grandson moved the calendar forward ~300 years and thus the Dark Ages never happened."
Gives the Shortcut a Whole New Meaning
"Met a dude at the gym who believed that the CIA had built tunnels throughout the Earth's core, connecting all the major cities. Was some kind of global takeover scheme."
Infathomly Large Trees
"Mountains are all the stumps of ancient fossilized enormous trees."
"I'm absolutely obsessed with this theory. It's connected to flat earth, but flat earth isn't a requirement for this theory nor do most flat earthers believe it."
"We're all infected by parasites that feed on our stress hormones released by negative emotions like guilt, sadness, anger, fear, and so on. They control our minds and, thereby, us to an extent. The only way to combat them is by being aware and questioning if your thoughts and actions are truly your own thoughts and actions."
"The one about JFK Jr. coming back to help Trump win the 2020 election is still tops in my book."
Big Pharma Chickens
"That owning chickens is the gateway drug to believing conspiracy theories."
"As someone who has owned chickens, the only thing they're a gateway drug to is getting more farm animals."
"That’s what Big Goat wants you to believe."
As wild as some of these conspiracy theories were, there's no denying that they're fascinating, some for the simple fact that they're almost plausible.
They at least get you thinking in a new way, and perhaps that isn't such a bad thing every now and then.
A good friend is not always the one with whom you share laughs and fun experiences.
The friendships you want to keep include those who won't abandon you in a time of need or someone who supports you in a variety of complicated situations where not even a family member can be relied upon.
Unfortunately, many of us have experienced a time when a person's true colors revealed to us that the so-called "friend" we've always trusted wasn't one at all.
Curious to hear examples of this, Redditor Aesthetik_1 asked:
"What made you instantly realize This 'friend' is not a real friend?"
These Redditors didn't realized at the time that they were being used.
"When he only called me when he needed something. It didn't hit me until much later."
"I have one of those 'friends'. She always gushes about how we're friends but she never initiates contact unless she wants me to do something for her."
The Errand Girl
"Several years back, I had a friend who introduced me to this new boy she was seeing. Maybe a year later, their relationship blew up in a fury of bs (whole other story), but by the time they split, I was equally friends with both of them. He and I were both photographers at the time, so the friendship was instantaneous."
"One day we started talking about her, neither positively nor in poor taste, just kind of in general."
"He then asked me 'when she texts to hang out, what does she usually want to do?'"
"I paused. I thought. Holy sh*t, she'd either be asking for a favour or for help with some kind of errand. I was her f'king errand girl."
"She texted me a month or two later, just a 'hey'. I never responded. She never texted again."
"I'm still friends with her ex, though. That dude is genuine as heck."
Testing The Friendship
"When you decide to let them be the one to reach out. And you never hear from them again."
"Yup. Made plans with a friend three times, she cancelled each time. I finally told her to let me know when she was free, we haven’t hung out since."
"She was a good friend for the season, but not a lifetime."
People were shocked to discover the moment they realized they didn't really know who their "friend" was anymore.
"I had been giving rides to a girl I thought was my friend. To and from school in high school. She wasn’t really suppose to ride with other teens but due to her mothers work hours we could easily pull this off. I thought we were close."
"One day while on the way home my brakes went out. We were about 2 blocks from her gated neighborhood. I managed to roll in safely and parked at her house to call a tow truck."
"She flipped. Told me I couldn’t stay. She knew my brakes were not working as she had also been terrified when we couldn’t stop. She said she wanted to go to a movie that weekend with other friends and her mom would ground her if she saw me at the house. I offered to lie and say I only stopped there as my car malfunctioned on my way home. I had to pass her neighborhood on my way home anyways."
"She refused. Started to scream at me. She didn’t care what happened I had to go. Started to call the guard at the front gate to tell them I had broken in and was threatening her."
"I left her and that friendship that moment. I managed to roll my car slowly to a mechanic not too far away but never forgot the shi* feeling of knowing I could have been seriously hurt and she wouldn’t have cared. She wanted to see a movie. She had the nerve to sheepishly call and ask me a couple days later if I could give her a ride to school. Told her I was too busy and no longer had time… after all I wanted to help her obey her mom's rules. She rode the bus til she graduated."
"I had this friend in school. Each year there was a funfair in our city, all students received vouchers for a drink and something to eat. This friend complained the whole day that she had no one to accompany her to the funfair. So, stupid me offered to go with her."
"Once we arrived we met another friend of hers. And another, and another... until we were a group of 5 or 6 people. I didn't know anyone and was basically just walking behind them. This friend took me aside and said, 'My friends think you are annoying, and we would like you to leave.'"
"It was a pleasure to see that she failed her exams a year later."
There's the spirit of competition, but when it's taken seriously, we're no longer game for these friendships.
I Can Do It Better
"Constantly 'one ups' me. A real friend is happy for you."
"That one time I got a fake bag but she doesn’t know and then 2 weeks later messaged me that she also bought a luxury bag… Then when I got a bf, she also went to get a bf within 3 months which is TOTALLY fine but she constantly messages me for us to go on a double date. Anyways, sadly they didn’t last long :( I mentioned that I wanted to go to Cuba, she went ahead and bought herself a ticket to Cuba but I didn’t end up going lol"
Never Steal The Spotlight
"When they loved the idea of me shining, but behind their shadow, I could never do or achieve anything above them, and when I did, they would get jealous."
"Yes! I recently ghosted a friend because of this kind of behavior. She was trying to compete about EVERYTHING. Like she bragged about how her mom’s car accident was more traumatic than my elderly MIL’s - which is not even an appropriate thing to compare. She would also try to 'outshine' celebrations of my milestones and was mean to several of my friends for no apparent reason. She was a loose cannon at best."
All About Me
"ALL she talks about it herself and her problems. Granted she has a a lot but never asks about me or my life until she realizes she just bypassed my attempt to want to talk about something in my life bothering me and continued to talk about herself."
People can just be so rude.
"When I got really sick. Very few came to help."
"Same here. I got cancer and everyone I knew was over the top supportive for the first six months and then all but three of my friends just vanished. I saw one of them at a Halloween party while I was going through chemo and she told me that my bald head made people uncomfortable. I was dressed as Captain Picard, it was awesome and she ruined it."
Not Missing High School
"At lunch, she was sitting with her boyfriend, I was sitting with our friend circle. She came up to me, guilted me into sitting with her and her boyfriend, and then proceeded to ignore me for the rest of lunch."
"She didn't care about me, she just didn't want me talking to the friend circle that she had abandoned for her boyfriend. When I pointed this out to her, she called me a jealous b*tch."
"Ah, high school. How I don't miss thee."
These examples actually served as a good reminder for me to take a moment and assess my friendships.
Not so much about how I've been treated but more about checking myself to see if I'm respecting the people I call my friends.
We've all been guilty of casually mentioning future plans to get together. I embarrassingly wait for people to initiate something, which is terrible.
Show up for your friends. Make them feel important like the individuals they are.