There are some moments in life that we want to forget, but there are even more we want others will forget. Whether it's facing the consequences of that spicy food we ate or downing that last regretful shot of tequila, our bodies can quickly go from being our friend to becoming our worst enemy. It's good to have a sense humor about these things, they're only natural after all. Here are the best of the worst moments that truly, ahem, stunk.
Redditor u/madbubers asks:
Urine Trouble Now!
I peed myself in class. I was wearing a skirt and no tights. I was 17.
It was my first year of college and the lecture lasted 4 hours. I held it as long as I possibly could, until at some point I was 100% certain I would pee myself as soon as I stood up. I couldn't excuse myself to the bathroom because I'd pee myself on the way in front of everybody.
So I stayed. I waited until the other students left, but they didn't. Of course they had questions for the professor, some lingered... I got out, made it out of the classroom miraculously, then as soon as I was out the door I couldn't hold it anymore. I kneeled down on the floor, pretended to look for something in my bag (someone even asked if I was okay), hoping against all hope that no one would notice the puddle at my feet.
I kept pretending to look in my bag for 5 more minutes until everyone was gone, then walked to the nearest bathroom to dry myself as best I could. Then I went home, changed my underwear and dried my skirt and shoes with a hairdryer, because it would look suspicious if I came back with different clothes.
No one ever mentioned it. To this day I wonder if some did see it and avoid talking about it to spare me the embarrassment, or if I somehow managed to hide it.
He Was Scared Stiff They'd See
So in 2016, I had hernia surgery.
I got the dopey medicine that's supposed to make you act crazy, and my parents were watching to see what I would do. Now, this is the first time I've ever had it. My *ss just sat there and spaced out, but I had one thing in mind:
DON'T GET A BONER.
The hernia was right above my groin, and they had to have full view of Mr Wiener. I didn't want to scar those poor nurses and surgeons.
After about 30 minutes, (maybe? Coulda been 2 hours even, time was weird) I get wheeled out to surgery. I'm like f*ck yea, no boner.
Then, I feel it.
Well, it decides that being moved is the perfect time to rise and shine (this was at about 7:45 AM) and I'm sitting there whacked off my a*s thinking "eh whatever, I'll live with this embarrassment."
Yea. They put me on the table and it was a tent.
To the nurses and surgeon (all females), I'm so sorry. You caught me at the worst time possible.
Full Of Hot Air Much?
2 hours train ride. I felt the air coming slowly but I held it back until the end. Finally, the next stop was mine, so I stood up and walked to the door, still holding back that, now massive, amount of air in my colon. Just when the doors were about to open, some child stumbled into me from behind. It surprised me so much that I, just for a moment, didn't hold in.The result was the loudest, most disgusting fart you could ever imagine.
I never left the train station faster in my entire life.
Out, Out Damn Spot!
When I was in high school by starting a period without any of the usual symptoms and leaving a bloody puddle on the chair and huge stain on my jeans.
This happened to me, except I knew it was happening. My (male) teacher had a blanket, no-using-the-bathroom-during-class rule, and I was too embarrassed to tell him what was going on.
Its not even technically legal for them to do so.
We had a teacher in elementary school who had this rule. If you didn't go during lunch that was your fault. One day a girl was begging and literally crying asking to go with the teacher being very loud and telling her no, we have lunch soon.
Girl wet herself. Luckily the whole class recognized it was the teachers fault so no one made fun of her for it and some even berated the teacher.
Seriously teachers: if i could sue my job if they said i couldn't go because holding it can cause medical problems an angry parent is gonna have a way easier time. Let people go to the bathroom.
Oh Veil No!
On my wedding day..... but not like you're imagining. Woke up at 6 AM, blew up the toilet, thought it was just nerves. About an hour later the vomiting starts. Then the poop. Then the vomit. Repeat this cycle for a few hours. My friends are thinking, oh she's just hungover. Hell, I thought it could be that too, I had drank wine the night before but not in my usual quantities and had gone to bed sober as a judge. After awhile we all realize this is bigger than a hangover. My mother finally picks me up off the bathroom floor after a few more hours of the puke-sh*t-repeat game and drags my ass to urgent care where I burst into tears when they ask what's wrong.
"I'm supposed to get married in three hours and the vomiting and diarrhea just won't stop!" Ugh. Cringe. So they pump me full of IV fluids and nausea meds. Seems to be helping. I go home and get dressed for my wedding, not so sexy when your mom has to help you into your fancy underwear. BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE. Here comes the red wave to further ruin my day. I'm in awe at this betrayal. (Also, it starts hailing outside as I'm putting my dress on. Between sh!tting my brains out and not eating, my dress is now too big and is falling down. And, my wedding is outside.)
This is where I just laugh because there's nothing left to do. My period is especially infuriating because I've been prophylactically taking birth control pills for over 3 months so I could purposefully skip my heavy and erratic periods on my wedding day (I have an IUD so I already had birth control and wasn't relying on the pills for baby blocking). I tell this story to nervous future brides to remind them that your body, and nature for that matter, don't give a f about what day you've selected to get married. Luckily my marriage has been much, much better than the wedding but how could it not be?
Quite The Sob Story
In a meeting with my managers. They're complaining about X, Y, and Z that I haven't achieved. I'm not upset about the criticisms, if anything I'm angry I have to ear them, but for some bizarre reason my eyes started watering.
We'd have these meetings weekly and every time my eyes would water and tears would pour. It started just happening when I wasn't even angry.
And even in normal angry situations I'd never tear up. Just in those meetings.
Omg I have the same thing. Whenever I'm confronted with something by a superior, I start crying for some reason. It sucks because I don't want them to think I'm upset about minor things, because I'm not.
They Come Out Of Nowhere
Panic attack, nothing was wrong just my heart did not want to be in my chest for some reason.
Edit: wow this blew up harder than my heart.
Seriously, Did Something Die Inside You?
Farted the most rancid fart of death in 6th grade.
The teacher somehow knew it was me and kicked me out of class- told me to go to the nurse and have someone pick me up because she was convinced I had to be sick to produce such a toxic stench.
I thought it was cool I got to get out of school though and my dad thought it was hilarious.
From Frisky To Risky
My grandmother was killed when she received the AIDS virus through a blood transfusion, back in the day. (If you live in Minnesota and get a blood transfusion, know that my grandma was the one that ate the bullet that makes hospitals screen blood.)
My family donates blood on her birthday. I hate donating blood. I hate needles, I hate seeing blood, and I hate the weird cold feeling you get throughout your entire arm. In a terrible twist of fate, I happen to have Universal blood that is CMV negative (I can donate to babies and small children, which apparently is rare?). Hospitals are always in short supply, it seems, as I am always getting calls to donate a double amount every time I'm eligible. (I charge them twice as many cookies as they give other people).
One time, after giving a double dose, I was feeling just fine. I usually feel wiped out and need to go to sleep, but that day I was feeling fine. I got home and the wife was there, and we're trying to have a kid, and we were both kind of flirty, so we went for it. I got in the buff when my knees wobbled, the room spun, and I just collapsed on the floor. I never lost consciousness. I was just sprawled naked on the floor, unable to lift my arms or legs. I could lull my head about.
TL:DR - Don't try to have a romantic time after donating a double dose of blood.
Tinkle, Tinkle Little Star
When I was 12, my best friend and I were hanging out in front of my apartment complex on the front steps with two guys that we were SUPER interested in.
I was sitting on the top step with my bestie, and the two guys were goofing off further down the steps and making us laugh.
Well, I started laughing. So hard in fact that during one of those laughs where you're laughing so hard you're no longer making any noise, where you've basically lost control of it and CAN'T stop, I started farting really loudly.
Even though I was MORTIFIED, I COULD NOT stop laughing and laughed harder and then I started pissing my pants. I couldn't stop!! The piss was running down the steps as I tried desperately to stop laughing by covering my ears and shutting my eyes.
I finally gained control of my body and stopped laughing, but it was too late.
My crush came over to sit next to me, and right before he sat down next to me he saw the puddle of piss and jumped up alarmingly and said "Whoah!"
I got up and tried to run inside, but I didn't have my key, so I had to ring the buzzer and had to wait for my mom to buzz me in in front of them with piss soaked pants, and the giant puddle of my piss that had run down half the steps.
I stayed inside the rest of the day, and that night my crush miraculously came back and asked me out through my bedroom window.
People typically think of cannabis legalization as one of those cut and dry things.
If you don't use marijuana, you probably don't want to legalize it.
If you do use marijuana, you are probably pro-legalization.
... except it's not that simple.
Reddit user SaifurCloudstrife asked:
"Redditors opposed to marijuana legalization and decriminalization: Why?"
Normally when these types of questions are asked, you get a bunch of people who are pro-the-thing chiming in and that absolutely happened here.
Interestingly, that opened up discourse that got people actually talking—probably more than they normally would have. The constant back and forth helped people get down to the core of their beliefs and reasons.
I can't say minds or hearts were changed, or even that people had particularly good reasons (and there were some not-great counter arguments, let's be real) when it came right down to it, but conversations were certainly had...
"It's a drug."
"I have two examples in my close family that clearly show how devastating pot can be. This attitude to marijuana reminds me of the attitude towards cocaine in the mid to late seventies when everyone thought it was harmless 'nose candy.' "
"I'm against sentences for drug possession but many people would benefit from dealers serving 3-5 for selling pot."
"Honestly, I think everyone against it should come to Canada for a visit. It's been legal here for 4 years and absolutely NONE of the spooky stories have come true."
"The only real differences is that people buy their weed in nice, clean stores with clear labels and not on street corners and our tax dollars don't go towards harassing people for a weekend indulgence."Giphy
"It stinks and makes people lazy."
"And often the weed smokers don't care if they are a pain in the butt to others and that kind of apathy is a huge no for me."Giphy
"I live in WA, where rec weed is legal."
"I rarely ever smell pot smoke. And I have the nose of a bloodhound."
"Yes, more often than as a teen when it was still illegal, but far less than any amount to be pro-prohibition about it."
"Plus, I mean, there's lots of smells I f*cking hate but wouldn't enact harmful laws over- Axe body spray being one."
"Laws can be made regarding where you can smoke."
"In Australia you can't smoke inside or within a certain distance to entryways. The only space you smell smoke is at an outdoor pub, designated smoking areas and occasionally when walking."
"It took years, but people become accustomed to new rules. Knowing Americans though, you guys will be on the brink of civil war if they brought in similar restrictions."
It's TOO Good
"I've read that the potency in pot these days is a hell of a lot stronger compared to say 20 or 30 yrs ago."
"The huge increase in THC levels should be a huge concern for people. The pot being legalized today is not the same I smoked when I was much younger."
"This argument has been rolled out again and again since I was in elementary school (~30 years ago) and I never understood it."
"THC is remarkably non-toxic, it's so much less toxic than many common substances people ingest on a regular basis (aspirin, and plenty of other OTC meds, as examples), to the point where actual THC toxicity is caused by physical rather than chemical/metabolic actions."
"Smoked cannabis is also much easier to titrate (dose appropriately), since the effects are nearly instantaneous - take a couple hits and you'll know if you've had enough within seconds."Giphy
"As opposed to an accidental edible overdose where you might not know for a couple hours that you've taken a heroic dose."
"So a higher % of THC by weight in cannabis flower shouldn't be an issue, especially considering that back in D.A.R.E. they used to tell us that smoking cannabis was SO MUCH WORSE than smoking tobacco."
"Cannabis was supposedly so much 'harsher,' one joint contains 'toxins' equivalent to an entire pack of cigs, etc...which is total bull, but even if that were true...wouldn't that mean that stronger cannabis is less harmful, since you don't have to smoke so much to achieve the desired effect?"
"Can't have it both ways."
It is high potency because it is illegal. It's easier to transport a half pound of skunk than 10 pounds of trash weed."
"Look at states that have legalized. There are low thc strains available and easily accessible."
"Because dipsh*ts will start smoking it in public places where others can not really avoid it, like is the case with cigarettes currently."
"Also yes: F*ck cigarettes."
"Yep my problem is drugs in public."
"I do not care if you do drugs as long as your doing them in a private place. I don't want to breathe in your smoke and get lung cancer."
"I don't especially care what folks get up to on their own, it's when they make everyone around them a participant that it aggravates me."
"Plus, depending on the setting, it's really inconsiderate."
"I have a friend whose job does random drug testing and he left a bar because a bunch of folks were smoking inside and he was worried about work."Giphy
Go Away, Government!
"I'm for legalization but as someone that worked for corporate cannabis, I'd loathe seeing those scums run the market."
"My state Governor tried writing a recreational cannabis bill on their own terms since we are surrounded by recreational territories."
"They stated they didn't want it to lead to a ballot measure because that's worst case scenario (didnt think voters were educated) than proceeded to write the most comically bad legalization bill that existed - before completely dropping it because they couldn't write a competent law."
"I am about as anti pot as they come, but if they are going to legalize it, why wouldn't they make it legal to grow your own? (Rhetorical- I know the answer… same reason "they" are legalizing it… tax money)"
"This is what I am screaming. For them it's only about money."
"They are waiting for the rich to install a profit making infrastructure before they let us peasants enjoy anything."Giphy
"If I had any good reason it's because idiots insist it's not addictive and it doesn't impede your senses. So they drive and do dangerous sh*t while high."
"My issue isn't the severity of the impediment. It's that people refuse to admit that it does alter the mind."
"I already have one person insist they smoke weed and drive because they know their body."
"Now imagine if someone openly said that about alcohol and how you'd react. It's a really dumb mentality to have."
"If anything I'd push for it to be illegalized ALONG WITH alcohol and cigarettes."
"But prohibition taught us that is not the way to go."Giphy
The Same Path As Alcohol
"I believe that if it was legalized, it would become a much bigger part in society, much like how alcohol is now."
"I do have a problem with public drinking and personally view alcohol as much worse compared to marijuana."
"However, since drinking is already so ingrained in our society, it's not like we can get rid of it. I'm just hoping that weed doesn't follow in the same path as alcohol."Giphy
"Im so sick of all these CBD oil pyramid schemes popping up!"
"The testimonials are all, 'I broke my spine in half and had to get it surgically fused together. Now all I have to do is rub a drop of CBD on it, and the pain is gone!' "
"And I'm not against it, I actually use high grade CBD at night to help me sleep. I fucking hate going through a rep though, they always try to hard sell me on topical CBD for my back pain that's like $80 for a little jar, or $30 bath bombs."
"I have discs squeezing out of my spine, I'm pretty sure a dab of hemp oil is gonna do jack shit for that."
"And the cancer patient abuse!"
"Smoking or ingesting edibles with THC for pain management and appetite is super helpful for cancer patients, but cbd wont do anything. Not to mention getting an ounce of good weed wont set you back much, but getting a tiny vial of cbd can set you back a couple hundred bucks."
"With our healthcare system in the states, we know damn well cancer patients are already in a hole of debt. I'm worried legalizing will encourage these CBD lies."
"It's the new snake oil."
"My MIL is that person. She's was touting its Indica strains ability to outright cure cancer the last I saw her."
"Cancer patients get hit very hard with the cannabis oil scams. What kind of evil sh*t do you need to be to take advantage of desperate people?"
"I agree with you about people thinking its the grand cure all, but that's why I feel we SHOULD legalize."
"The main reason I want it legalize is so they can do more research on the things it does help. It's effect on tremors alone is fascinating."Giphy
So what have we really learned here? I'm not really certain.
Lots of people's reasons seemed under-informed, but just as many people had legitimate concerns.
Sure, those concerns could just as easily be applied to alcohol, but lots of Redditors admitted that and seemed to take LARGER issue with alcohol than cannabis. It was honestly difficult to find anyone (aside from the smell people) who was 100% against it.
And that, dear reader, is possibly the biggest takeaway from this. Attitudes are changing.
Sorry, D.A.R.E.—looks like we said yes to drugs. Well, cannabis at least.
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Chosen family is family. Sometimes they are the closest and most important family. Just because you share blood with someone, doesn't mean you have to form a bond.
That's why best friends are so important.
BFFs are forged in many ways. They're there for you in triumph and sorrow. They hold your hand. T
They know where the bodies are buried because they helped bury them. That's why it's so heartbreaking to lose them.
It's just a bitter pill to swallow when it's a relationship you thought was going to be endless.
Redditor FindingDale wanted to hear all the reasons why sometimes we just have to say goodbye to certain people in life, by asking:
How did you lose your best friend?
I've lost a few besties. Some through death. Some through personal growth and some just because it was time. That was an important lesson. Just like lovers, friends also outgrow one another.
I'm ExhaustedI Cant Modern Family GIF by HULUGiphy
"I got tired of it being all about her all of the time. I couldn't tell her anything in my life good or bad because she would make it about herself." ~ Wide-Fig-1063
"He was the passenger in a single-car accident. The driver was drunk, showing off, and drifting on an unfamiliar dirt road in California. They found the car at the bottom of a 70-foot cliff. Everyone in the car walked away except my friend, who died instantly."
"He was already passed out drunk himself so he likely didn't feel anything, but it was still such a terrible senseless way to go. That was 10 years ago last June. He was barely 21, the nicest guy you'd ever meet, and one hell of a bassist. Miss ya, Jake." ~ FormerLurker3
"Best friends since we were 12. Best Man at my wedding when we were 28. Day after the wedding he never spoke to me again. No explanation. Calls and texts went unanswered. He would avoid being at any social event I would be at, which was a few because we had the same circle of friends. Tried for two years to keep that friendship alive." ~ Tionek
"I had a weird dynamic to continue because of trauma. We had been friends for most of our lives (26 years) and every conversation was all about her. I was fine with that because she had a traumatic childhood and I knew she wasn't super socially with it. I'm happy to listen when my friends need it."
"Then she just unloaded on me saying I wasn't listening enough to her problems and how I had mistreated her by not asking enough pointed questions about abuse she had suffered as a kid. This was days after a three hour call where she did all the talking and it was mostly about her abuse."
"I was six months pregnant at the time and all I could think was "do I really have the bandwidth to take care of two babies?" I haven't spoken to her since." ~ keepinitcornmeal
It's WeirdFriends Tv GIFGiphy
"His wife tried to sleep with me. I didn't let it happen and I told him about it. They reconciled and had more kids, then it got weird whenever I was around so we drifted apart." ~ mycowild
Yeah, beware the partner of a loved one who is trying to trap you in a scandal. They are shady. Take that drama and run fast and far.
Why?Peering Looking GIF by MOODMANGiphy
"No idea. He slowly stopped answering calls, texts, emails... his wife, even more so. I'd occasionally stop by to see them and everything appeared to be OK. They never stopped to see us, even though his mother lived just a few miles away. I just quit trying." ~ NagromTrebloc
"It was October 16, 2015. I was working from home that day when I saw a call from him at around 9:15am. I had to ignore the call because I was in an online meeting. At 2pm my Dad calls my phone, which is unusual since he knows I'm working. I answer it."
"He is speaking quietly and very calmly. He says, "Son, I love you very much. I have some terrible news. Jared passed away this morning." Jared's wife was calling me from his phone to say she found him dead. I couldn't process what he was saying."
"I said, "That's not funny. Jared, his wife and me and my wife were supposed to meet up next weekend for dinner." Jared had sleep apnea surgery that same week. He had taken a painkiller and Benadryl together. It stopped his heart. He died 2 days before his 40th birthday. We were friends since grade school."
"We did everything together, he was my brother. He was the best man at my wedding earlier that year. I had just shared my son's heartbeat with him via a text message 2 days before. Jared was so excited to be his crazy uncle. I miss him every single day." ~ SnooCapers1425
"Codependency. I became basically obsessed with her and it just became too toxic. I had to cut it off because it was eating me up inside and she didn't deserve how I was treating her." ~ SuccessfulEggplant82
"Good on you for recognizing the problem you were having. It takes a lot (and I mean a crap ton) for an individual to come to this realization. Most people like to live in denial or fight it. I did the same thing and by the time I realized it, it was to late. I hope your able to get through it." ~ Nakanon85
"I noticed that he never came to my place to catch up. I stopped going over to his place to see how long until he noticed.... It's been 5 years now 🤷♂️." ~ Mr_Nonesuch
"Over the years I have observed in number of friendships that its always me that makes the call. They always are delighted to hear from me. If I organise something they come. They just don't make the effort. I have been best man five times so I don't think that its because the friendships are not valued. I don't know, am I missing something?" ~ Yarray2
"My ex wife. Even after we split we stayed close, co-parenting, helping each other out. She died 3.5 years ago. I could have made peace I think but after her death and our daughter was living with me full time I found out about how abusive my ex had been to her when I was around and it felt like losing her all over."
"Like I thought I knew who she was in the 13 years we'd had both together and separated, but it turns out I knew nothing. Now I'm just angry about it, like how dare you get to do this crap and then leave me to clean up your mess."
"How dare you have peace when my daughter has nothing but struggles and therapy. I felt like we were robbed of the good person, the good mother I thought she was." ~ Scarecrowqueen
Far Far Away...Jake Gyllenhaal Reaction GIF by MOODMANGiphy
"Friend moved to the other side of the planet, with their spouse, to be nearer to both their families. I never understood what real friendship was before friend was in my life; and now they're alive, but not here." ~ ClutchCrgo
One of the natural parts of life... saying goodbye. Or in some cases getting ghosted and forgotten. Either way, chin up.
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Humans have had an undeniably significant impact on our environment and the other species that inhabit the planet with us.
What might happen if humans weren't here to exert that influence, though?
What if we never had?
Reddit user Mompkey asked:
"Which species do you think would be dominant if humans didn't exist?"
"Wolves. They can, and have, successfully adapted to most of the various biomes on the planet."
"There's a reason we domesticated them and took them everywhere with us."Giphy
- Everything is garbage
- Garbage is delicious"
"I would agree, but now I'm wondering if our presence is the reason cockroaches have thrived as well as they have."Giphy
"Sharks, they are the dominant species on 3/4 of the Earth's surface already, they have survived mass extinctions and would thrive even more without humans mucking up their habitat."Giphy
"Humans are the only species that seek to dominate others. Other animals just want to live in the balance of nature. They're just trying to survive, they don't have time to take over the world."
"Pinky and The Brain theme song played in my head."Giphy
"We've killed off so many throughout history but of the ones that remains intelligence and versatility would be the key factors. Their food supply and habitat would greatly increase in our absence so with this being said.........primates."
"We are simply the superior primate therefore we are the dominant species. That opposable thumb is a mf when you have a large brain."
"Wouldn't it be just another off shoot of humans like the Neanderthal or heidelbergensis?"Giphy
While we'll probably never know definitively which species would truly thrive without us around, it's still fun to speculate.
Do you have thoughts?
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