People Reveal Dirty Secrets About Their Parents That They Don't Know They Know
Our parents are people, too. It's hard to remember that sometimes. We have secrets we don't want to tell our parents. So the opposite must also be true: our parents have secrets they don't want to tell us. But, ever the curious humans we are, sometimes we (accidentally) find out.
Redditor Anagoneous asked the internet:
Here are some of the cringe worthy answers.
Someone tried to kill my father when he was in his teens, he has scars on his head from where he was beat with a hammer. He doesn't know that I know this and I only know because I overheard a conversation between my grandmother and her brothers about the incident.
They Said Sex Could Kill
My dad died when I was 14 and everyone refused to speak of it. My grandparents said he "fell down the stairs," and they've maintained that to this day. My mom told me that he "accidentally hung himself" and she'd tell me when I was older.
It took 9th grade me all of about three days to figure out he had died of autoerotic asphyxiation. She confirmed it years later.
The Parent Trap
My divorced parents are both cheating on their current spouses.
With each other.
I Feel Unwelcome Here
My mom had to do some soul searching for AA. She wrote a list called "life resentments" and Having Kids was the first bullet point. Found it while I was looking for my social security card to apply for my first job at 16... She kept it in a safe.
I've been dating one of my parents employees for almost a year now, for personal reasons we decided to hide it from them. My father and my girlfriend always had a good relationship. Few weeks ago my father went by her apartment and told her that my mother and him didn't have sex anymore, You guess what he came for... Obviously my girlfriend told him that there is no way she would do that to my mother. So now I know that my father is actively looking for someone to cheat on my mother with.
Paying It Forward
My dad used to talk about growing up really poor, having to get food from food banks, etc. It's one of the reasons that now that he owns his own business, he donates to food banks and all sorts of charities all the time. Paying it back.
Well, it turns out that my father's father owned a massive construction company, and made millions of dollars (in the 50s and 60s). My uncle was selling massive amounts of cocaine, and got busted. My grandfather bankrupted himself paying off judges and lawyers and all that to keep my uncle out of jail for most of his life. That's why my dad grew up with nothing.
He has no idea that I know.
I Never Wanted To See This
One year my family went on vacation where I took a lot of pictures using my dad's phone and I wanted to put them on my computer so I could share them with friends.
I grabbed his phone and stated looking through his photos looking for my vacation photos when I came across my dad and mom's "personal" videos. I never told them I found it, nor do I go back on his phone because I don't want to see those ever again.
I was fixing my dad's laptop a while later and my mom kept hovering over my shoulder telling me not to snoop through his files and don't go on anything except for what I needed to. I knew what she was hiding, but I wasn't going to tell her.
Secrets, Secrets, Are No Fun--Seriously
This isn't really my parents' secret, more of a secret about someone else they kept hidden from me.
When I was seven, my best friend died. My parents got a phone call the morning after he passed and I remember watching the color drain from my mom's face when she answered the phone. I asked her what was wrong and she assured me that I didn't need to worry and she would tell me after school. She did, and my heart broke. He lived about an hour away from me at the time, so we didn't go to the same school and nobody that I knew knew him, so nobody had heard anything about his death, which was probably a good thing for both me and my parents.
I found it odd that I wasn't allowed to go to his funeral. I don't even remember the excuse my parents gave as to why I couldn't go with them, but I figured it was because they didn't want it to make me upset, so I pretty quickly shrugged it off.
Well, later that year I bought a cheap little heart-shaped locket from one of those quarter machines you find at pizza places and roller rinks. I decided I wanted to put his picture in it, so I'd always carry him with me and never forget his smile. When I got home I typed his name into Google Images, and among the top results were a few pictures of him, including one from his memorial. I found one of him with a big toothy grin and clicked on it, and my heart dropped. Next to the picture was the headline from the article the photo came from. It read "Police Arrest Mother in [friend's name] Death." My heart beating three times its normal speed, I read the article. And then another. The woman I thought of as my second mother had killed my best friend. The woman who called me Cubby and made me hot chocolate and introduced me to The Jungle Book murdered my brother. I think I kind of went into shock for the next day or so. I couldn't believe it.
Anyway, I didn't tell my parents that I knew for six or seven years. I think I was scared of the conversation that would ensue after they found out I knew, or maybe I just knew they hadn't told me because they felt I wasn't ready and wanted to tell me on their terms, and I had taken that away from them. When I did tell them, it broke their hearts to think that I had been carrying that knowledge with me for so long alone. And that broke mine.
I still wear the locket. I bring it with me everywhere, and ever since he died, I try to live my life for myself and for him. He deserves the life that was stolen from him.
I know my dad cheated on my mom several times using AIM/aol (how 90's is that?). He would talk with women online and never mention how he was married or that he had two children. When my mom was out at work or asleep, he would call these women up and flirt, have phone sex, etc. He would make excuses as to why he couldn't meet with them, but continue to pretend like he was super into them and really did want to meet them.
I only put it together later once I remembered coming into my dad's office while he was "working" and seeing nothing but AIM/chatrooms with women's names. There were a couple times I woke up at night and heard him talking to someone in a hushed voice in our kitchen and I KNEW my mom wasn't up.
The real clincher was when I started to walk downstairs while my parents were arguing. My mom shouted, "You don't even have sex with me! You're so much more interested in playing games, talking to women online, and pretending like your children and I don't fucking exist!" I heard a pause and then he tried to play dumb, to which she responded, "Don't lie to me! I see the phone records! I called one of them and she told me everything!"
I have never so promptly turned around, went back to my room, and pretended to be fascinated by Mr. Potato Head so fast in my life.
Mom never talked about it or let on that it happened. Neither of them had any idea I overheard them or put the pieces together. I've never told my brother.
A Past Best Left Untouched
I know that my mom got pregnant at fifteen on purpose. She was constantly being shuttled between early 80's foster care and her own terrible family, and she felt like her only way to escape was to get emancipated through marriage. She knew my dad from school, and thought he'd make the perfect husband. Smart, funny, from a seemingly good family, and he had protected her several times. So she seduced him, knowing their parents would insist on marriage if she got knocked up, and she did.
Unfortunately for her, he turned out to be a drug dealing, mentally ill teenager from a dysfunctional alcoholic family. The marriage lasted only a few months, but she did get her escape. My mom has no idea that I know this, and she'd be devastated if she knew.
My parents divorced when I was 6, after which I lived with my mom.
When I was 10 years old, I found a list my dad had written of "things that could save their marriage", including wife swapping
Never spoke about that to them
When I was a child, we used to be semi-close to my dad's family. My grandparents came up (2+ hour drive) to talk to my parents about an "adult issue" and 10 year old me was told to stay in my room with the door shut. After that, we never spoke to them again, except for one letter that I got from them expressing sympathy when my other grandmother (who I was very close to) passed away. I had no idea what happened.
Years later, I found a cousin on Facebook and we happened to go to the same college, so we met for coffee. I found out that the reason we no longer spoke was because my mom opened a whole bunch of credit cards and racked up a bunch of debt in my grandma's name that she never had any intention of paying back. My cousin and I kept it between us and she has no idea I know.
Found this out from my dad's old college roommate as my dad has never wanted to talk about this with me. Pops was working in the financial district during 9/11 and was in charge of emergency evacuation for his floor (way high up in one of the bank buildings). Saw the towers fall and had to herd everyone off his floor and out of the building. Apparently someone had a heart attack and collapsed behind their desk. He didn't find this person and they ended up dying there in the office. I think my dad might blame himself at least partially which, on top of the trauma of witnessing the towers fall firsthand, has lead him to locking that part of himself away from the world.
One day I want to tell him it wasn't his fault and he did the best he could.
My biological dad died when I was two (car accident going to his next duty station), and not too long ago I got a box of letters he had sent my aunt, uncle and his parents. Since he died when I was so young, I didn't really know him that well, but this treasure trove of letters gave me some real insight into who he was. It was a lot of letters from the time he was in the Navy before he married my mom, all the way up to not long before he died.
In one set of letters he discusses with my grandparents how he and my mom aren't getting along. He mentions that they might get a divorce, but he wanted their help in getting custody of me. I think mostly because my mom was born and raised in Ireland and not yet a true citizen of the US, so he was afraid he'd never see me again if I went with her. Apparently she was fine with him taking me. They reconciled, but it's interesting to know that she would have given me up and I'd have grown up in LA instead of with her, ultimately on the East Coast of the US.
Law And Disorder
My dad doesn't know that I found paperwork of his from when he got discharged from the military and diagnosed with borderline personality disorder with narcissistic features. Everything about his behavior suddenly made sense but there was literally no way to bring it up to him without making him extremely (more) defensive or shutting down on me. It did give me peace of mind, though, and helped me work through a lot of trauma on my end after years of emotional gaslighting.
The New Information
This technically doesn't count because I asked my mom about it last year, but until then she didn't know I knew for about twenty or nineteen years.
My dad was a heroin addict and used to take my mom's money to buy drugs and alcohol. He also used to lock me and my mom up in our apartment whenever he went somewhere. My mom never told me and thought I didn't know about it because I've always been pretty oblivious and I used to be on some meds during that time. Last year I decided to sit her down and ask her about it because I never knew much about my dad or about that side of my family.
The Gods Frowned
Welp there's a few but it ties into one.
To start I found out my dad switches partners faster then zeus. I came from a broken home at a young age and every leap year I would end up with a new step mom. Everything would be nice then poof "things didn't work out. Let's give Denver a try, or maybe Aurora." Turns out he would cheat on his current wife for years with other women until they caught on and when the current wife kicked him out he would move in with new wiffy.
Well through the years of cheating he gathered 10 kids (I'm the 5th child, 3rd son) so I decided I'd ask my older siblings if they made the same connection. Turns out my father has been doing this since he was in high school. Same pattern, same timing. Just before me. Welp now he's 50 years old on wife 10. Oh and the child count is on 11, he made another one.
Bonus: usually around our 16 birthdays, we start to make the connection that none of our siblings look alike. so one of the elder siblings take them for a drive and break the news. It usually ends with "that explains a lot.''
Love Has No Rhyme Or Reason
My parents got engaged after a drug fueled 11 day bender in 1979.
First born. Came along in 82.
When my grandfather died he left approx 140k$ american in a trust for me. It wasn't to be touched until after my parents passed away so that it could gain as much money as possible from the investments he had arranged. (My grandfather was an oil tycoon in PA and no one in the family knew it until after he died.) I got a call from the bank one day asking how I'd like to handle closing the accounts. I had no idea why, but apparently my parents had been taking medical bills from themselves and altering them to have my name on them. Then submitting them to the bank to be "reimbursed" for paying my medical bills. They had bled the trust completely dry in less than 5 years. They used the money to remodel their home. I don't think I have any recourse. But whatever. Im 35 and I have my own retirement. It just makes me mad that they would steal from me like that.
Learning about a juicy family secret can typically go one of two ways.
Sometimes it's purely fascinating and fills us with the same excited interest as faraway gossip. Other times, however, it involves us personally, and the truth is hard to bear.
People all over the internet are loaded with stories of both varieties, and a recent Reddit thread asked folks to come forward with theirs.
Redditor skadarski asked:
"Did your parents reveal a secret to you once you reached adulthood? If so, what was it?"
For many, the deep secrets involved the hidden, true relationships between family members. Soap operas are not as fictional as we may have hoped.
A Holiday Reveal
"That I had a much older half-sister. Apparently my father had got some girl knocked up in high school, her parents didn't like him and thought they were too young to raise a kid, so they just packed up and moved. He knew she existed, but never tried to locate her and just moved on with his life."
"After I was in college, the sister had contacted him and they got together. Well nobody bothered to mention this fact to me until I come home from college for Thanksgiving and this strange women is sitting at the table and my dad says, 'Meet your sister.' "
Kept Far Away
"When I turned 18 I got a letter from a distant Aunt and Uncle wishing me a happy birthday."
"I hadn't seen them since I was a a baby, but there's hundreds of pictures of them and me together when I was a baby. They used to babysit me a lot and take me on vacations with them."
"My Mom told me they used me to smuggle things. I guess they said it was super easy to smuggle just about anything with a baby. At one point literally hiding cocaine in my diaper."
"When I was 18 my mom told me how my dad cheated on her with this woman named Kathy. I actually remembered Kathy when I was kid because my dad would take my brother and I to her house. She would buy us computer games and stuff so we loved her at the time. I never understood why my mom hated her until I was older."
"Kathy ended up marrying my dad's best friend. As an adult I was never nice to her and my dad would give me sh** about it. I finally told him that I knew about her and that mom had told me everything. He just said "Oh, alright then." He never gave me sh** again."
An Italian Coverup
"Kind of. My sister decided to take a DNA test to get some insight into her ancestry. She got her results back and had zero percent Italian, while our dad is 100% Italian. She didn't confront them right away and instead decided to wait until I took the test and get my results."
"Four weeks later I got my results back and sure enough, I also had zero percent Italian, and it actually identified my biological father, who isn't my dad. They revealed the secret when my sister intentionally let it slip that she was and I were waiting for our DNA results."
"I'm 38 and it never once came up. It wasn't even really for a bad reason, they had fertility issues and went to a sperm bank. I'm honestly not sure they ever would have said anything"
For others, the secret was all about the source--or absence--of cold hard cash.
A Deep, Deep Hole
"Most of my college was paid by someone named Tony (random dude to me). I know you're all thinking that it was some sort of lovechild thing, but it turns out my grandfather was a bookie and Tony was always just a bad gambler."
"So instead of My grandpa having his knees capped, he made a deal Tony would pay for college."
"My great-uncle (dad's uncle) left me a large sum of money in trust that I was to receive at either age 25, graduated from college, or was honorably discharged from military service (he retired from military), whichever came first. I had no idea and I'm glad I didn't."
"I joined the military right out of high school and when I had my DD-214 in hand, my parents took me to a lawyer who laid it all out. Wow. Because of the enhanced GI Bill, I didn't have to touch a cent of it for tuition. I did use it to buy a house though."
"I miss my great-uncle as much for his wisdom as his company."
More Generous Than Any Knew
"My grandfather was a small business owner who everyone always thought of as extremely frugal due to growing up poor. Later we found out he spent a significant amount of money on charitable causes and helped a lot of his employees with financial and in one case legal trouble."
"Positive secret, but it was definitely a secret."
And some shared truly bizarre stories from the years they were too young to know what the heck was actually going on.
A Secret Prolonged
"Not yet, but when I was in college and my parents got divorced, my dad gave me all the information on what to do if he passes. Told me where things are, and had me go to his bank to sign a document for access to his account after he dies."
"When we were leaving the bank, he told me, 'your mother is not who you think she is. Everything you need to know is in my deposit box.' "
"I have no clue what he could be talking about—he never elaborated, and my mom laughed it off when I told her about it."
"Guess I'll find out one day."
Not Just A Saying
"When I was a kid, my dad accidentally killed a raccoon with his car. It had a young one with it that wasn't hit, so we adopted the baby raccoon."
"We adored it, but we were not at all equipped to care for it. There was no lock or cage that could stop this thing. It was very clever, strong and curious. It got into cupboards and ate food and trash, and we'd find its sh** in the most random places."
"One day my dad sat me down and told me that my raccoon had 'gone to live on a farm.' I was old enough to know what that meant, and I was heartbroken."
"Just a few years ago I was telling this story to my husband and my dad interrupted me and said that he literally, actually gave my raccoon away to a work acquaintance of his that had a farm and a lot of wooded property. It had become so accustomed to humans it constantly broke into the man's house and ate his food, and got enormously fat and lived a long ornery raccoon life."
"There was story growing up about how a local prince wanted to marry me and offered things like cows for my hand in marriage."
"When my father passed away I went to my home country and met cousins I had not met before."
"Turned out the prince was the president's son and it wasn't an offer, it was a demand. We snuck out of the country because he was going to make me his wife - bear in mind, I was a toddler."
"My mom filled in the back story. The company my dad worked for had to smuggle us out of the country. My life was so exciting when I was 6."
Perhaps these stories have you feeling like your life could be more exciting. But before you start thinking that way, perhaps there are secrets you simply haven't heard yet.
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Try as we might to control our impulses, it's not always possible. Sometimes something happens to us or in front of us that really engages something in us that we were not expecting.
We are animals first and foremost and sometimes the actions of others trigger a response in our animal brains. We really can't control it, but we can tell when it's happening to us and we can control our response.
"What is something a friend did that accidentally turned you on?"
Here were some of those answers.
Reding Is FUNdamental
"A friend was reading a brochure out loud to me, nothing salacious, but the feeling of being read to felt very intense and intimate."
"I fell in love for about 30 seconds. Haven't gotten anyone to read to me since :)"-squindy9
Parka De Car
"My friend was driving and he had to take out the card to tap into a carpark. He started to reverse into a lot and had the card between his pursed lips."
"He also placed his arm around the headrest of the seat next to him. When I looked at him... damn it looked kinda hot... I don't know how or why that aroused something in me."-aglioolio-burrito
"It was the reversing with the arm on the headrest thing. I have zero idea why, but that theme has popped up (hurrrr) is numerous threads like this."-Nihilator68
Just Basic Human Goodness
"Comforted me. I was crying about how I was struggling in life and in college. I was thinking about withdrawing for a semester to get things together."
"My mom had just been diagnosed with MS. I went to a female friend for help. She started rubbing my head and hugging me, and saying I'll be okay."
"I was so deprived of human touch it was amazing and made me feel so much better. Then I got hard which made me feel extremely guilty."-LordBungholeSurfer
What is it about the sly touches, the pursed lips, and the little sideways glances that really get us going?
"This happened to me in 7th grade. I was seated behind my friend who turned around so he could copy something off my paper."
"I was hunched over it with my hair hanging in my face so he swiped my hair back from my face behind my ear and grazed my cheekbone when he did. Pretty much ignited my puberty in that moment."
"Come to think about it we had a very platonic relationship with a lot of playful fondling."-Camp_Express
This Is NOT The Start Of A Porn
"I went over to his friends house (where he was staying. He was working on his car and I was like yo, I'm here loser and he pushes himself out from under the car."
"And he was all greasy and the first thing he asked was if I'd help work on the car with him and when I said yes he just had the biggest smile on his face."
"He looked like an idiot and I dunno man, the greasy look with the beautiful white smile was just… ugh"-oh_the_struggle
"Girl I knew in college for four years and we were strictly platonic."
"We came out of a bar one night and a guy who frequently asked people for money was walking up so without missing a beat she grabs me and starts making out with me."
"Guy walks away and she pulls back staring up at me for a second before patting me on the chest and saying 'works every time.'"
"We left and never spoke about it again. Nice improvisation, Kristin but now my pants don't fit right."-RevSnakebite
Pro Tip: Don't Date Co-Stars
"I was a theater kid in high school. One of my costars had this odd habit when she'd need to focus on a difficult part or queue we were working on. She'd bite her lower lip and get this really angry look on her face."
"I don't know why, but that stupid look on her face drove me up the goddamned wall."
"We were in Sweeney Todd my senior year. I was Sweeney, she was Mrs. Lovett. There's a section of the play where we danced together and sang a song called 'A Little Priest.'"
"We were both great singers but god awful dancers, so it took a long time to master it. The whole time rehearsing, she'd stare at me angrily, biting her lower lip."
"That was like... 16 years ago and I still get a little flustered when I think about it lol."-Chingparr
But now you're starting to remember the little moments too, aren't you?
"Night out. Me (M[ale]) and few friends just chilling and drinking. Then one of my friends (F[emale]) who had drunk a couple of drinks too much tried to stand up from the sofa we were sitting on. "
"But then she fell back and at the same time she grabbed me by my thigh for support, in which point the little guy woke up. And now I'm scared if someone touches my thighs..."-MrZere
This Is A True Dream
"We would go on walks every night for a few months, just talking about our days. Her laugh was so interesting to me."
"I could feel a lot of conflict in it somehow, and I always wanted to know what was going on but didn't want to ask too many questions."
"Eventually she told me about life at home which was awful to hear, but while she was telling me she grabbed my hand."
"It lasted maybe two weeks just holding hands and walking, chatting and just strictly friendship then she moved to the opposite coast."
"She was sweet and beautiful outwardly and in her soul. She winked at me one time, when punking her young sibling. It left me breathless."
"We were 16 at the time, but I still wonder where she ended up. Ms. T. Haas.. if you're reading this let's go for a walk!"-RagingConfluence
Happy End, Happy Ending
"She was meant to be going out with her friends one night, so she was all dressed up, but agreed to help me get headshots for my art project at the last minute (needed reference pictures)."
"We took a little longer than expected so she ended up staying home and we hung out and chatted for a while."
"From the way she was sitting, her dress kept slowly sliding up revealing her thigh so she'd fix it. I was across the room from her so I could see what was going on."
"After this happened a couple of times she kinda stopped fixing it (it wasn't revealing too much), but I couldn't help but notice. That was the moment when I realised I had a thing for legs."
"We have a happy ending though, she's now my girlfriend and things are going really well."-Cyanide_Revolver
So it is a big thing and it happens all the time. That's not to say it's not notable when it does--but as humans, we are almost completely beholden to our feelings.
Sometimes those feelings even lead to happy endings. Literally.
We've all heard of toxic masculinity. You know, that thing where men don't want to do anything remotely feminine, like wear pink, or wash their a**holes in the shower because they think it's “gay"? Yeah, that thing. It sucks, but sometimes it's important to remember that people of all genders can be toxic AF too.
Let's talk about toxic femininity, shall we? VysX_ asked:
There's toxic masculinity but what are examples of toxic femininity?
For some reason, toxic femininity gets really, REALLY prevalent when they become moms. It’s weird and kinda creepy, if you ask me.
Why does Little League bring out the worst in people?
“Mothers who treat other people like crap and then justify it by saying they're a mama bear."
“A few years ago my son's team was playing a little league game against another team. We had a very good team that year and the other team was really struggling. Despite this, it was a close game going into the 5th (i.e. next-to-last) inning.
Well, we're batting and the wheels finally come off for the opposition. A kid on our team gets a simple hit to the outfield and the other team proceeds to go full tee-ball and throw it all over creation. What should have been a single turns into a 3-run HR.
As the batter crosses home plate, fans are going nuts, players are going nuts, everyone is going nuts, and the star player on the losing team just melts down. He picks up the ball and throws it as hard as he can right at our dug out. There's a safety fence of course, so no one gets hurt, but it was still very much an "Oh, snap" moment for everyone.
At this point, the ump turns to the losing coach and says, "Coach, you need to get a hold of your player." That's it. That's all he said. He didn't say anything to the player; he didn't kick him out of the game; he just gave the coach a direct warning.
Next thing I hear is "DONT YOU TALK TO MY BABY THAT WAY" as the dug-out mom comes firing out of the other dug-out, heading straight for the ump. Fortunately for everyone, the head coach comes out of nowhere to intercept her. He proceeds to restrain her and walk her (and the player) away. The whole game stops for ~5 minutes while those three basically have a group hug in the middle of the infield.
Fortunately, that was the end of the drama. I still give major props to that other coach for somehow diffusing that situation without getting the police involved. But I will never understand what was going through that lady's mind."
We can all do “womaning” differently.Wendy Conrad GIF by Your Happy WorkplaceGiphy
“To me it would mean women who bag on other women for womaning differently than they do.
This becomes really toxic after childbirth. Some women will feel nothing about letting you know how you are parenting wrong by using this product or letting you child do this particular thing.
Women who are able to stay at home will be made to feel guilty for not helping to provide; and women who work are made to feel guilty for abandoning their child.
I wish women were more understanding about dealing with differences and letting things slide a bit more. You should never feel higher after putting someone else down.
That being said, I don't know how we did it, but I found the world's greatest group of moms when my son was a year and a half old. We came from all walks of life and supported the ever-loving hell out of each other. This was in Phoenix late 90's and we were completely tight until I moved away when my son was 5. I miss all of em."
They should know better than to tear down other women.
“It's very common for mothers or female relatives to be some of the first ones to comment on a woman's weight, appearance, or personal style/fashion choices, as well as reinforcing a sense of self-hatred (i.e. "I look so fat in this outfit, and you look so ugly in that color"), all while tearing other women down ("I can't believe she's wearing that, doesn't she know how she looks??").
When you have that reinforcement that it's normal to say things like that, because if your mom does it then it's okay to do it too, then you just treat it as normal. And because it's so common, you find other women to do it with and it just becomes a cycle. If you try to break it, then you're labeled as sensitive, a bore, and "Oh my god we're just having fun, chill out, it's not that serious."
I still remember the first time I called my mom on talking sh*t about a woman wearing something she didn't like, and she got so f*cking mad at me."
Let’s dive into the tearing down other women thing some more. We as a society need a wake-up call.
It’s like high school all over again.
"Some women are so judgemental about other women, particularly when it comes to looks or fashion.
Also the women who seem to enjoy forming cliques and cutting out anyone they deem to be an outsider.
Worked with an office full of them once. It really sucked!"
“When I first got out of grad school, my first (and as it turns out, only) teaching job was long-term substituting for a friend while she went on maternity leave. The kids/classroom were mine for the first half of the school year, but we coordinated so that things would be pretty smooth transitioning back to my friend teaching at the end of her leave.
My friend was part of a two-teacher team who ran the 8th grade Student Council. I told the other teacher that I would be happy to help her with the club in my friend's absence, but she insisted she didn't need my help. She then proceeded to 100% ignore me and treat me as if I was invisible during all future interactions. 8th-grade team meetings, if I said even a single word, she shot me side eye, even though what I had said was not at all related to her; just a kind of "you're not a real teacher, how dare you speak?" vibe she was giving off.
My last day, my friend came in after school to put her classroom stuff up as I took my own down. The other teacher and two other women (the PE coach who I'd never talked to and another teacher, I don't remember) came in to help her, but none of the three of them offered to help me take any of my own things down or pack any of it up. They also said things like, "Is this yours or hers?" to my friend, even though I was standing right f*cking there. They also gushed about how excited they were that she was back; again, right in front of me.
After I was finally done putting away all my things--again, by myself--I just left without a word. I texted my friend about it later, and she apologized for her other friends' behavior but just excused it as, "Yeah, they're definitely the 'Mean Girls' types".
I was just floored. These were TEACHERS. You know, the people who are supposed to teach children NOT to bully other people? And I had never been anything but nice to everyone I met during my time there, but they didn't care. I wasn't part of their group, so I wasn't worth their time.
It became one of a laundry list of reasons I decided I didn't actually want to be a teacher for a living, after all.
tl;dr - personally experienced cliquey adult women in the education field, of all places. It sucked.”
“My ex-husband and I separated when our child was 2. Went to a birthday party for daughter's friend and was having a casual conversation with one of the husbands. The group of women stood in a corner staring at me, and the wife came up and grabbed him by the arm and started doing that strange possessive peacock dance.
What were we talking about? Real estate prices."
“No joke, I had a professor I was close with because we were both single moms and she gave me the advice to wear a wedding band even without a man and that the other moms would chill out a bit. It worked and my daughter started getting more opportunities for playdates. It's really demoralizing."
I think we all need to learn how to be more forgiving.
Toxic office culture is the literal worst.come together love and hip hop GIF by VH1Giphy
“The sheer terrifying glee they have at tearing down someone who's made a mistake or is somehow lacking in their eyes. I worked at a doctor's office with a fifty person staff, forty five of which were women. Like they were so fake and catty and just outright hateful to each other. It was a toxic office culture."
“Did they also have a compulsive, competitive need to please the male figures in the department? I go weekly to a fairly small medical department where the head doctor is male and the majority of nurses and admin are female. They treat him like an absolute God and defer to him with everything. He's a huge d*ck and of course, has a big ego by now."
This girl isn't just toxic--she's a monster.
“A girl in the grade below me (I'm a senior in high school at this point) passed away unexpectedly due to sepsis. Our whole city was in shock as the girl was in the school just days before her passing.
I remember I met up with my gf at the time and she asked, "Why do so many people care about her dying? It's not like she was pretty anyways."
This was the type of girl that says, "What??!! I am SOOO nice."
Safe to say, the lord blessed me with a brain and I GTFO of that relationship.
To this day, she is still in contact with me & recently she complained that guys use her & she can't figure out why nobody will be with her.
Well, honey, I don't think it takes a rocket scientist to figure that one out.
Edit: Some of you have said that I should tell her and I did. Apparently, she would "literally never say that about her" and also apparently "I know nothing about her." (My ex. Dated for 4 years. Know nothing)"
This is how eating disorders start.
“Probably the culture around eating.
When I was 17-18, a few friends kept saying how much more attractive I'd be if I lost weight, how that's why most guys weren't into me, how I'd regret not being skinny in college, etc. My BMI was slightly under 25, so I wasn't overweight, but I was close to it, especially compared to them.
So I basically became anorexic from 18-20 just because the feedback was like a high. I recovered, but not enough to make my mom and others happy, even though my BMI was 22-23. This continued for years between friends and family, and it was exhausting cycling between being too skinny or not average enough.
That's really the only strong example I can think of. No matter the trendy body shape, the criticism from others will always continue. I've only had one guy ever comment on my weight compared to the many, many women, even strangers.”
As a woman myself, I’ve encountered plenty of toxic femininity in my life. It’s almost as terrible as the objectifying sh*t I hear men saying about women all the time. We have to be rid of cattiness and tearing other women down.
Remember what we actually need to be working against. So much sexism exists in the world, and we have to stick together.
We all know we don't have endless time on this earth, so we prioritize things that we want to do while we are around. We create bucket lists and dream boards and imagine all the endless possibilities for adventure. Often, those bucket lists include dangerous acts like sky diving or deep sea exploration.
But what about things you would never do in your lifetime. Not for any other reason other than it being too fear inducing or too dangerous. We went to Ask Reddit to find out what those wild adventures are that just aren't worth the risk.
Some folks also shared that they made some serious life decisions that were important to their health and well being. Trying dangerous substances or staying on top of their weight loss was important and they never wanted to take that risk again.
Redditor machine1892 asked:
"You all know what a bucket list is, what is on your 'f*ck no, not ever list'?
Let's find out what people are just not willing to do.
Exploring the depths of the unknown is just too unknown.
"Cave diving or underground not fully explored dark tight tunnels. The movie 'As Above So Below' and the real life tragedy of 'Nutty Putty Cave' was enough for me to add that to my f*ck no list."
"A real caver once told me that for every 1 hour you travel into a cave, it will take them 4 hours to drag your busted up @ss out of there if something goes wrong."
"I'm a caver and one black humor mantra I've heard before is 'Don't worry, help is just 3 days away!' due to the difficult nature of cave rescues."
"That said, there are incredible teams of cavers who will do everything possible to rescue people and animals from cave-related incidents. I have a whole book covering the past few decades of cave rescues."
"Dunno if you will have seen this, but there's an old American emergency/911/sh*t happened kind of show in which 4 open water divers on air go 30ft down, and the instructor tells them to avoid entering the cave around that level both in briefing, and signs to surface, and 3 of them don't and go into the cave."
"Instructor alerts people at surface, seconds away, there is a trained cave rescue diver on scene by chance, he is in within 2 minutes, and saved one of them."
"Literally, they are less than 35 ft from surface, less than a minutes travel into the cave, and only one survives, despite having a guy right there, with lights, trimix and the right training."
"Dive talk covered it at one point."
If you're claustrophobic, this is definitely off your bucket list.
"A submarine or anything else bad for a claustrophobe."
"lol I worked on subs for 4 years….it's cool once, then it's just cramped, tiny and annoying."
"Son was a Navy Nuc on a ballistic missal sub. Said he was too busy working, eating or sleeping to be claustrophobic. I got to tour the sub once. I am extremely proud of him but thought he was crazy."
The ocean can destroy you.
"I absolutely fear the ocean and I won't go out farther than 6ft lmao. So I'd never go on things such as cruises or boat trips. It also doesn't help that I can't swim."
"I'm VERY comfortable in the water, but even I still fear the ocean. I live in Hawaii and swim, board, fish, kayak treasure hunt, etc., all things ocean-related and love every second of it but man the ocean will destroy you. People die here all the time. An experienced surfer died here a couple weeks ago in an area considered a calmer area. A couple of days ago another girl fell off the rocks and drowned. If you do not respect the ocean, you will die."
"There were 3 rescues today at a popular bodyboarding beach in my town. Only 2 survived."
That early 2000s game show is nightmare worthy.
"Those Fear Factor games where they put a sh*t ton of spiders or other scary creatures on top of you while you lay there. Yeah, that's a huge f*ck no from me."
"The ones where they make you eat a whole lot of stuff that's not just weird or another culture's food (i.e. crickets/tripe) but is actually seriously unhealthy ... like drink a litre of rancid oil... are far worse, to my mind."
"I always said the prize money from that show was to cover medical bills because there's no way people were 100% okay afterwards."
"That's actually why the show got cancelled. They made a girl drink donkey semen and the network finally said 'enough.'"
"Not even kidding, one of the most popular shows in the UK is where we send celebrities to live in the jungle for three weeks and do exactly this to them! And the celebs who go on it LOVE IT!"
Keeping off the weight.
"Become obese again."
"I was obese for almost 10 years of my life, but I decided to lose the weight in my early 20s. Feels great to be active and healthy."
"I'm here with you. Was 250 at my largest, I've since lost over 70 pounds and am in my mid-twenties. It feels great to look great, which I expected, but it feels better to just feel healthy. I wanted to lose weight more for vanity reasons, now I care way less about those and just love being healthy. I'm not at my goal weight but I feel amazing and it's such a huge contrast. So congrats, I'm really happy for you!"
"That's how I feel. At my heaviest, I was at 235 and I'm down to 202, but it's not even the weight loss that keeps me going. For the first time ever I actually craved working out when I went on vacation for a week and couldn't. The vacation was fun, but damn my body went back to aching at the end of it. If I don't stretch I get really bad pain from sitting down for work."
This cheese is called Casu Martzu. It's a sheep's milk cheese that has living larva inside.
"Those who do not wish to eat them place the cheese in a sealed paper bag. The maggots, starved for oxygen, writhe and jump in the bag, creating a "pitter-patter" sound. When the sounds subside, the maggots are dead and the cheese can be eaten."
"Somehow, there is a hint of sadism behind this paragraph."
Though there are plenty of people who have done these things, there are good reasons to avoid them. Especially for those choices that were life threatening or deadly.
What's most important in your life is finding what is meaningful for you and doing what makes your life worth living.
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