There's always a way out... if you know what to offer.
Redditor PancakeSam_ asked today's burning question: "Police of Reddit, what bribes do you get offered most often? And for what offences?"
Turns out there's a variety, but are you surprised?
"We kept asserting that we were not arresting him..."
I worked as an EMT in my younger days and we came across this very drunk gentleman one day and put him in the back. (In my state it's legal to take custody of patients who are not alert and oriented) the patient in question thought we were cops because our uniforms were similar and he thought he was getting arrested for drunk and disorderly so he tried offering us the rest of his booze and $12 to let him go. We kept asserting that we were not arresting him and we were taking him to the hospital to sober up so he didn't walk into traffic like he was about to do.
"Stopped a car late one night..."
Stopped a car late one night for failure to maintain lane. Given the time, etc, I had expected to find a DUI.
Approached the passenger side window, talked briefly, and discovered they were indeed all on the way home from a club, with a stop at a conveniece store for food on the way.
The driver, though, was their DD, and not impaired at all. She was just distracted by the party atmosphere in the car.
In the lap of the front seat passenger was their convenience store bag. She started trying to make me a sandwich out of bologna, mustard, and a loaf of white bread.
"News flash..."
"You can keep it if you just let me go!"
"It" referring to various narcotics - baggie of heroin, little crack rock, jar of bud.
News flash: I'm keeping it as evidence and you're going to county.
"Everyone knows those..."
Cash for speeding offences. Everyone knows those soft plastic holders for your ownership and insurance? Well, people like to hand those over with cash stuck in them. I always make people take their documentation out of the plastic holder and hand it to me so this doesn't happen. Never have I, nor would I ever take it. It pisses me off when people do this. Do you really think I am going to abandon all my morals and job for $50? It is usually people that have come from outside of North American who do this. It might be acceptable there, but not here. Also for those that are about to ask why I don't charge them for trying to offering me a bribe, reasonable doubt is a b!tch.
"Most bizarre one..."
Giphy
Someone already mentioned the most common one for me, which would be "you can keep the drugs/cash".
Most bizarre one would be from an offender who owned a taco shop and offered me free tacos for life if I looked the other way.
"But the one I've had a few times..."
Honestly there are waaaay more threats than there are bribes. But the one I've had a few times is money in lieu of DUI stuff.
"I had three stages of dealing with bribes..."
Never had any bribes offered when I was a cop. Got plenty of offers as a correctional officer. Mostly it was commissary (Ramen soups, honey buns, etc) and in return they'd ask for things like food from staff dining, getting moved to other housing sections or other cells, or for me to bring in cigarettes for them. I had one guy offer to wire me a few thousand dollars if I would bring a message to his wife.
I had three stages of dealing with bribes:
- "Nah, man, I'm good." If they pressed the matter, it became
- "No, I never take things from inmates." if they insisted, it was then
- "Okay, I don't feel like writing a report tonight if I don't have to. So, we're both going to pretend you were just joking. Because if you try to bribe me one more time, I'm writing you up and throwing you in the hole, and you might even catch another case. So you might want to shut up and walk away."
- Never got past stage 3.
"I had one gal in my office..."
As a Loss Prevention Officer, I apprehend and prosecute shoplifters. I had one gal in my office handcuffed and yelling at me. She was very dirty, smelly, and what looked to be sticky. I ignored her and continued to type my report while waiting for the police to arrive. While typing my report, she stops yelling and without skipping a beat, says very sexually, "I'll blow you if you let me go." I said "Ewwww, sit back and shut up." I've been bribed many things, but that was nasty.
"I was once offered porn level sex..."
I was once offered porn level sex with one of the hottest women I have ever known. Arguably the hottest woman I have ever known. I knew who she was too since a couple of friends of mine had slept with her. She was drunk. I walked back to the car and called for a female patrol to handle the remainder of the traffic stop, FSTs etc. I was still pulled off the road for a couple weeks for an investigation but was commended for not giving in.
"Had a guy who stole a car..."
Had a guy who stole a car offer me a McDonald's monopoly free French fry if I would just let me him go. Also if I just called his father, Tony the Tiger, he would be able to clear everything up.
"I've been threatened at least three dozen times."
In my fourteen years of police work, no one has ever offered me a bribe. I've seen a DUI suspect offer to give oral sex to a coworker. The offer was politely refused.
I've been threatened at least three dozen times. I've received death threats, threats of non-fatal violence, threats to have me fired, threats to rape me, threats that someone's god would curse me, and threats of lawsuits. Unless this is a very strange afterlife, no one has ever followed through on any of them.
"5 years on."
Giphy
5 years on. One lady in a very joking manner said, "Can't I just buy you lunch or something?". I politely refused. That was the only time I've ever been propositioned in any way on the job. I must be hideous.
A cop friend of mine and his partner pulled a guy over for DUI and the guy offered him 10 bucks to "forget the whole thing."
He said "I've already called it in, and besides, I'd have to split that ten with my partner. If you're going to try to bribe me, at least make it more than five dollars!"
He didn't charge him with attempted bribery, because it would be hard to prove that he wasn't joking.
"He wasn't charged."
My SO's grandfather had to have his license revoked recently. He tried bribing the lady at the DMV.
He slid a hundo across to her and said, "How much is this gonna cost to get it taken care of?"
He wasn't charged. Had no business driving. Does not have his license now.
"To this day..."
Not a cop, but my brother is a TSA agent who had this story to tell. He once had to screen Justin Bieber as the kid was going through LAX. The kid really wanted to bring his soda from In-N-Out through the checkpoint. Even though he was going on a private jet which had sodas already on the plane, he wanted to bring that specific soda with him. No fluids over 3.4 ounces.
"I'll sing you a song if you let me keep it."
To this day, we're still not sure if he was trying to bribe a federal employee, or if he was just threatening to subject everyone in the terminal to his "music."
"Back in the early 2000s..."
Not me but my dad's best friend was a cop for like 40 years. Back in the early 2000s he pulled over a car with 4 chicks where the driver was drunk and they offered him group sex if he didn't give the driver a DWI.
"When I was in college..."
When I was in college, and frankly much better looking, and still struggling with a lot of mental health issues, I got pulled over for speeding. I was broke and it was a hefty ticket. I was drunk and didn't want him checking so I offered the (MUCH OLDER) officer a handjob if he let me off. He looked around for cameras, pulled out his penis, and predictably asked me to use my mouth after barely the first tug. I swallowed and he left me his number and drove off.
Never called him. I tried flashing a different officer another time but he was super gay so I ended up looking like a fool that time.
"I work in corrections..."
I work in corrections at our local county jail in the booking/intake section. A female doctor whom was arrested for DWI and would not be seeing a magistrate until the following morning, she missed the days cut off time and would have to wait another 24 hrs, got on her knees and loudly yelled "Who's d**k do I have to suck to get out of jail!?!?!" Not mine that's for sure, lol.
Oasis in the desert? No thank you.
"Dubai."
"Why and whats special about it?"
"Its a modern city in a desert."- Maximum_Calendar_791.
"Dubai."
"A fake city with fake people, no human rights, where the world's tallest buildings hide corruption and slavery in their shadows."
"It's like someone decided to take every problem of mankind and concentrate it in one spot."- PayNoNoticeOfMe.
"Dubai one i think it is ugly two I would die in two minutes of me being there I can't stand anything above 40 c°."- BookWormPerson.
One of the seven wonders is one too many for me.
"The pyramids. "
"Too many horror stories of Egypt."- Aemiom.
Landlocked.
"Not really a destination, but taking a cruise."- Shortbus_Playboy.
cruise ship vacation GIF by Hallmark ChannelGiphyMountains aren't really my thing.
"Everest."
"Just why."
"You use a bunch of money to get in there them come down."
"And trash your whole way there. It's literally a corner in the Earth insufferable for humans and we still made a way to go there to trash it."- ACLullaby.
It's in my own backyard... but still not interested.
"I have lived about 15km away from the Burj Khalifa ever since it was made."
"I could not care any less besides the occasional pointing out the 'shiny tall building' to my nieces.- legolosss.
The pictures are enough for me.
"Mount Rushmore."
"Friends who've made the journey to Mount Rushmore mostly say it was no big deal and not worth the effort or expense to travel there."- Back2Bach.
States Selfie GIF by Ethan BarnowskyGiphyHustle and Bustle? No thanks.
"Anything busy.'
"Whether it's cities, structures, I don't care."
"I'd rather go to a boring empty quiet place than a place full of people."- TheSmeep.
They're watching us.
"That creepy a** place in Japan with all the realistic dolls."
"No thank you."
dolly dearest horror GIF by absurdnoiseGiphySome dream of paying a visit to these places.
Others hope they never have to set foot there, and will choose to leave it to the other millions of tourists.
To each, their own.
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And while a candidate is fit to lead remains to be seen, we rely on our instinct to choose someone with whom we can relate.
But sometimes, our options are limited and we inevitably go with someone who is the lesser of two evils.
Curious to hear from strangers online about a hypothetical, Redditor Cashmeresquid2309 asked:
"Americans of Reddit, would you vote for an openly Atheist presidential candidate? Why or why not?"
Redditors were quick to point out the answer was a no-brainer.
We Already Know The Answer
"Asking Reddit if they'd vote for an atheist..."
"I feel like the answer would be obvious."
– sarahmagoo
Sci-Fi Analogy
"Americans of Reddit, would you vote for a Star Wars fan who heckin loves doggos?"
– WitnessChemical
For The Atheists In The Crowd
"Atheists of atheistville, would you vote for an open atheist?"
– nixcamic
Others weighed in with a range of opinions.
About 45
"What's funny is how many of them would probably say no, even though they voted for Trump and would do so again. Say whatever else you want about him, but I seriously can't understand how anyone could genuinely believe Trump is a Christian. He's so obviously faking it and is undoubtedly the most atheistic president we've ever had or are likely to have for a long time."
"This is a guy who's never even so much as read the Bible or attended church, who told a conservative radio host his favorite Bible verse was 'an eye for an eye', who told evangelical interviewers that he's never asked God for forgiveness because he's never done anything wrong, and who routinely commits all 7 deadly sins (pride, greed, wrath, envy, lust, gluttony and sloth) without remorse."
– empfindsamkeit
From A Different Perspective
"Not an american but interestingly according to this survey on 1006 people from 2007, being atheist was the worst thing you could be as a candidate (of the things asked) with only 45 % of people saying they'd vote for one."
– ilovecatfish
An atheist candidate isn't necessarily a big strike.
Double Negative
"I wouldn’t not vote for someone just because they were atheist."
– HabitualEnthusiast
Credibility First
"This is it. If they’re running on platforms I support with a history to back up those campaign promises, I don’t care if they belong to the church of the flying spaghetti monster. They could literally be a member of the satanic temple and I, an actual practicing Christian, would give less shi*s than a constipated sloth."
"Edit: yes, I realize the Satanic Temple does not actually worship satan. I used it for that purpose. The Church of Satan has some…problematic views and I probably would not vote for someone who literally holds a platform of eugenics."
– Phoenix_of_Asclepius
Some view the role of religion in politics as important.
It Depends
"Religion can be relevant: I would have strong reservations about voting for a Scientologist, even if I agreed with the policies they proposed. I would have strong reservations voting for a member of an apocalyptic cult or, possibly worse, a follower of the (highly heretical) 'prosperity gospel,' which unfortunately includes more and more so-called 'evangelicals' — I didn't vote for George W. Bush, but it's not because he was an evangelical."
"It depends on the role: I'd probably be more flexible with a legislator than an executive (mayor, governor, president), as their character is IMO more important than for a legislator and their policy stances somewhat less important relative to a legislator."
"Satanic temple — well, that's just an organized group of atheists and humanists with an intentionally inflammatory choice of name. They're generally fine people."
– alyssasaccount
A Bad Rap
"The Satanic Temple is an excellent organization that every decent person should be able to respect. A Church of Satan member, not so much."
"There's a huge difference between them!"
– StarsEatArtBooks
And Redditor boganvegan said it best.
"Better an open atheist than a fake Christian."
It all boils down to trustworthiness. Without full transparency, how could anyone put their faith in a candidate who spews nothing but lies?
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I'm always freaked out when I'm home alone. Lights on. Yeah, my electric bill is high.
Dorothy?
Wind Conan Obrien GIF by Team CocoGiphy"I dreamed the front door blew open at the exact time the house alarm went off... I hopped up and sure enough, the front door was open. No intruder."
fatowl
I See You
"Not home alone but only one in right side of the house. Went to my mom's bathroom to wash my hands and saw a pair of feet behind the half open door. Laughed and said 'very funny Ma, I see you.' then finished up and left. Bumped into my mother in the kitchen unpacking, nobody else was in the house. I'm glad whatever was behind the door didn't peek out."
SatanWithFur
“It’s Doug!”
"One night I had forgotten to lock my apartment door and woke up in the middle of the night. My bedroom door was about 2 feet from my front door, as you walked into the apartment. First a big dog ran by, then a person. Holy crap I was so scared and I screeched 'Who is it?!?!!'"
"A man said 'It’s Doug!' As I was thinking to myself, who the f**k is Doug, he said 'oh, crap.' He turned around to go back out the front door saying 'Sorry.' I asked 'Didn’t you have a dog with you?' He said 'Oh, yeah. Hey, c’mon!.' He left, his dog ran out after him and I locked my front door."
"Edit: glad you all thought this was funny, because I did too, once my heart quit trying to beat right out of my chest! The next day the girls at work thought I was crazy for not being upset, but eh, done is done. Peace!"
scarletohairy
Confused...
"My sister and I were home alone and we heard someone big running up the stairs. The stairs make lots of noise with slight pressure so when there’s someone big on them you can tell. I went out of my room to check but saw no one anywhere and my sister also came out of her room and she asked if that was me I said no and we both looked around to see if there was anyone but found no one in the whole house. We were confused and called our parents and just waited until they got back and that was that."
JtSudbury04
I See You
Staring I See You GIF by QuikTripGiphy"I very clearly saw a guy walk into my room. But when I went after him there was nobody there. I checked in the closet, under my bed, everywhere one could hide in my room."
HighlyOffensive10
This is why home video surveillance is key.
"NO"
Season 5 No GIF by The OfficeGiphy"My parents were on a road trip, just left, and I sat down at my desk. I thought 'Weekend alone by myself' and a voice yelled into my right ear 'NO' so loud it hurt."
Th4ab
Wild
"I managed to lock myself out of my house on my birthday during a tornado while trying to bring my cats to the basement for safety. I later found out that the tornado was approximately a couple miles or less from me at that exact time. The sky was green and it got weirdly calm and then I could hear what sounded like a train coming before I found an unlocked window to climb through. Wild times."
SilverGnarwhal
Saturday morning in the 80s...
"I wasn't home alone but I was awake by myself one Saturday morning in the 80s when I was around 7 or so. I believe my mom was the only one home because my dad went to the lake to go fishing that weekend, and I'm not sure where my older brothers were, maybe they went with him, idk."
"Anyways, my mom's sleeping in, and I'm in the living room by myself, watching Saturday morning cartoons and making a fort out of sheets and cushions. Something made me turn around and I saw my dad in his pajamas standing in the hallway entrance with his hands on his hips, looking the mess I was making and shaking his head."
"He then turned around and walked into my room, which was just off the hallway entrance. Dude. I didn't even look, I just booked it to my parents room and woke my mom up. I don't remember what happened after that, this was around 35 years ago. And yes, my dad was fine, nothing had happened to him."
smriversong
Get the Bat...
"I was at home by myself on a call with some friends when all of a sudden my dog begins to bark like crazy, which was odd since it was the middle of the night and he's usually sleep. I go downstairs to check on him and find him barking at our hall closet, terrified I grabbed my bat that I keep in my room just in case and open the door. There was nothing out of usual at first at then I look down and notice a familiar looking object at the bottom of the closet."
"It was my mom's necklace she had lost when I was 9, (i'm 15 now just to put in perspective how long it's been). I showed it to my mom at breakfast and she was just as shocked as I was. I still have no clue how it got there or how my dog knew it was in there, definitely one of the oddest occurrences of my life."
SomeRandomIdiot14
Meow
Happy Cat GIF by ChubbiverseGiphy"Many years ago, I was 14 or so, my first night alone in the house when my parents were out. Lying on the living room floor reading, my cat sleeping next to me."
"Suddenly, cat wakes up, stares intently into the dark corner of the room behind me, hair on end, growls and then bolts out of the room and upstairs. I look behind me and see nothing, but follow cat upstairs and hide under the covers. Freaked me out."
LairdofWingHaven
Thank God for alarms. I hate being home alone.
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The body freaks me out. But it's all I've got. So teach me some things.
Minutes...
death GIFGiphy"The fastest killing virus takes around 4 days to kill you. That would be Ebola. Your immune system can kill you in 15 minutes."
will477
'locked-in'
"If your brainstem (the part of the brain that mediates most motor control for all of the body) is damaged, you can get 'locked-in' syndrome. That means you're fully conscious and aware of your surroundings but unable to move or speak. The only muscles that remain unaffected in most people are the muscles that move they eyes and the eyelids."
"You're essentially trapped within your own body with your only way of communication being blinking or moving your eyes It can be caused by toxins, blockage of the basilar artery which is the main artery of the brainstem, or other brainstem damage."
4oodler
Explosions
"Some people suffer from Exploding Head Syndrome, which causes them to hear a loud bang when they wake up."
ToraMix19
"When I was younger I believe I experienced this a few times. Sounds I heard were: about a million people talking and laughing all at once, a train that irl would've been about a foot away from me based on the volume of the sound, and a door slamming loudly."
aliaisacreature
Pain
"Not sure if this is by design, but I totaled my car once, almost completely uninjured somehow. Then I looked down to my right hand which I remember jabbing into my dashboard at 55mph. Luckily (unluckily?) only my pinky took the blow. But instead of a floppy-udder full of bone-sand, my pinky was 0.5 inches long."
"Broke no bones, but instead perfectly stacked my phalanges, or finger bones, INTO my hand. This is fixed by a muscular Russian murse grabbing your pinky with both hands and pulling very hard. God I wish they gave me more lidocaine."
TelevisionOlympics
Functions
animation art GIFGiphy"If you have a surgery where they need to move your organs around they might not function for a day as the body assumes that they are dead."
tonythebutcher13
Move things around? You mean that's not fake when it happens on "Grey's Anatomy?"
Basketball Wives Ugh GIF by VH1"The only reason you are not aware of it is because the ambient noise kind of drowns it out because your ears focus on it. If you go to one of those super-silent rooms that absorb all sorts of sounds, it is a really weird way to reacquaint yourself with your body."
Black_Handkerchief
The Mouth
"Idk about the most disturbing but how bad human teeth are. We’d think it’s our sugary and processed diets these days that cause it, but even Otzi the iceman discovered in Italy was found to have terrible teeth, mouth diseases and cavities. It’s odd that even with the most basic of diets our teeth are so bad."
Dorianisconfused
In the bowels...
"I noticed this after my abdominal surgery. When I turned over in bed my guts seemed to fall from one side to the other. Mentioned to my doc and she confirmed it was my bowels rearranging themselves."
squatter_
"Apparently the doctor just throws your intestines back in there higgeldy-piggeldy because there isn't a correct way to pack them neatly."
LostDesigner9
A Quick Burst
"There are a vast number of ways that your body can malfunction and kill you with little or no warning. An aneurysm can go undetected until it bursts and kills you. Getting hit in the chest just the right way can stop your heart. You can encounter an allergen that never previously provoked an immune response that freaks out your body so badly that you die. You literally just never know if your body will just... die."
Unsolicited_Spiders
The body is such a conundrum. Sexy and gross all at once.
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