Over at Quora the other day people were having a chat about the surprising strength of the human spirit. Fear is a given in life. It;s how we handle our fears and how we overcome is what matters. Often we surprise ourselves with the power that lies below. We are our own heroes... even just for one day. The question was asked....
Dad is Coming!Giphy
I'm going anonymous on this heart-wrenching story as it has legal implications, still in process.
This is written against the backdrop of a very messy divorce wherein my deranged wife was trying every below-the-belt dirty trick to try and get what she wanted - $12 000 per month for herself so she could live like a princess without working - in essence to fuel her life she chose which was basically a non-stop erotic cabaret.
Up until our split, we lived in a beautiful house, 2 full-time servants, luxury cars - I did all the work AND looked after my two most exceptionally beautiful, smart and sensitive boys, aged 3 and 5 years respectively. She contributed nothing, except sleep, have coffee meetings, party, and as I suspected was messing around with anything that moved - as in dead policeman and rolls of barbed wire weren't safe!
At this point it is important to note that at this stage we were living apart and the children were living with me - her choice. She was advised by both her lawyer and our independent arbitrator that her chances of getting anything were slim. She went to the Family Court, fabricated physical abuse (I have never hit a woman ever), obtained an interim protection order forcing me to pay her the $12 000 per month PLUS all the boys' expenses, thereby enslaving me whilst simultaneously denying me access to my children, whom I loved and cared for more than anything…and then she did the unthinkable…
Under the pretense of 'taking the boys to a birthday party,' she put them on a plane, taking them to a city 1000 miles away to live with her grand parents. The protection order forbade me going within 150 yards of her or her abode. My boys were so confused - they had suddenly been ripped away, without preparation, from their home, their main psychological reference points, their dog and cat, their au pair, their friends, their school… they sounded so, so devastated when I spoke to them by phone. I took advice from lawyers, a psychologist and social workers, all saying pretty much the same thing:- "You have to get the boys back quickly!"
On a Friday morning, being day 5 after their snatching, I surreptitiously established they had been dropped off at relative's home. I knew she would only be back the next day - after all it was Friday and she would have to party all night! I caught the last plane that night, fetched a rental car, drove to the suburb where they were staying, put the seat down and tried to get some sleep.
At 6:30 the next morning I drove to the house where they were and parked half a block away. The house was ultra-secure, high walls, electric fencing, CCTV etc. Looking through a gap in the gate I could see my youngest playing in the front garden. I pressed the buzzer and the gate opened! I walked inside, picked up my surprised youngest in my arms, I was then greeted by the also very surprised maid who knew me, as well as the situation. She asked what I was doing there. I said I've just come to drop some clothes and toys off for the boys. I asked my youngest where his brother was, he said still sleeping and showed me where he was. I picked him up out of bed and carried both, asking the maid to open the gate for me. She asked why and I said I just need to fetch the clothes and toys from the car. She opened the gate!!!
I ran for the car, one boy on each hip, telling them we were going on holiday, and trying to assure them that everything is OK. I hit the highway, turning my phone off whilst trying to hold back the tears. We drove 8 hours and finally booked into a guest farm in the desert.
That night when I put my beautiful boys to bed my eldest said to me "Dad, I want to thank you for saving me, this is the best day of my life." Anonymous
Better Luck Next Time.
Long story ahead!!! Be careful…
Manager of my 1st company is in jail now, as police took strict action on my F.I.R.
It's very long ago, That was the beginning of my career. I joined a very small company after passing out from college.
That was a small organization which had hardly 24-25 employees (including 1 team leader and 1 HR)
The boss or the owner was not good overall in nature, (I heard a few stories from female colleagues about sexual harassment)
Everything was going fine till the day when I needed 2 days off from office for a personal reason.
I approached my team leader to follow the hierarchy. But he said boss(owner of the company) had strictly warned both the team leaders not to allow anyone to grant leave without his permission.
So I went into the cabin of our boss for the same reason. I told him the whole scenario. He said, its ok you can take leave but asked me to meet him at 05:00 pm so that he would make sure, no one else is granted leave on those days.
I thought it was logical and fine. (So I went again to his cabin at around 5 while everyone else was leaving the office)
Some of my colleagues were passing a smile at me. (They must have thought I had compromised to my boss)
I entered the room, the boss was relaxing on his chair. I repeated the whole scene once again.
He got up from his seat and touched my hand as he was telling, "its okay, take leaves of as many days as you want."
I felt something fishy there, but I wanted to be sure about his intention.
Then he said, As you are going on holiday next week, why don't you join me on dinner today evening. After which we can take a rest on the hotel.
The whole scene was clean now. He was offering me a night stay with him in indirect words.
well, as I already mentioned my friends were passing a smile at me when I entered, exactly at that time. I turned on the camera of my phone and put it on the side pocket of my jeans.
So now this was my turn, there was no one except a peon, I and my bloody boss in the office. Peon was busy in the pantry which I know.
I held his both the shoulders and kicked on his testicles very tightly and said "better luck next time." I took out my mobile phone and played the video from starting. He was sweating badly and asked me how dare you to do this?
I sat on the chair next to him and said, "Do you know what I can do with this recording"? I left the office for the day and came home. I left that job after clearing all my dues.
My intention was to give him 1 more chance to realize his mistake. But after thinking for 2-3 days, I went to the police station with my father and registered an FIR.
That person is behind the bars now.
This is something which changed my whole life. Also, this was the bravest thing Which I have ever done. Sarika T
Okay... Certainly there are people out there who have faced harder life than me and much more brave than me... But nonetheless, this is my story..
I dated him for more than two years and were totally in love with each other..at least I thought so. Then one day he told me that he is getting engaged to some other girl and we broke up. Details of the break up are not so necessary here but it's impact on me is the point.
I had suicidal thoughts on my mind for two months after the breakup. I lost 7kgs of weight in 3months. I stopped taking care of myself. I saw him every day. We worked together every day in same team. He seemed unaffected and was preparing well for his engagement with good diet plan sitting right beside me. I wanted to quit my job or at least switch to another one. I became a loner and went inside my shell. Watching him chat with his fiancee was killing me. And among all this he got engaged. He came to office with sweets. And yeah.. All this while he didn't forget to give me a sympathy dose from time to time. There was still 4 months time between his engagement and marriage... And this is what I decided to to:
1. Had two pieces of sweets he brought after engagement and congratulated him.
2. Did NOT block him on WhatsApp or Facebook but never spoke anything personal with him after that.
3. I ate well. Dressed well. Mixed up with people and watched movies.
4. I did NOT quit or switch my job. I never like to quit succumbing to circumstances without giving a tough fight. I continued to work with him professionally.
5. I ignored his requests to meet or speak to him. It was very tempting to get back to all that.. But I didn't.
6. If I wanted to, it was easy to create a scene. Mess up with his fiancee or involve parents or emotionally blackmailing with texts... BUT I CHOSE TO LET GO!
7. I smiled and laughed at the jokes and teases in office groups. *No one knows we were dating* It killed me at that time.
8. He got married and went on honeymoon. I was killed somewhere deep inside. But I shouldered his entire office responsibilities single handedly. Travelled alone to different cities during this time and focused on work.
9. He is now back from honeymoon. I still see him everyday. Things seem a lot more tough again but I will continue and I will not quit.
This to me is my bravest self ever... Peace. Anonymous
Why do you Worry?
Most frightening moment of my life, was a narrow escape. It was 9 years back from now. The city where my college was not a very safe one to roam around at nights, one of the infamous cities in western Uttar Pradesh.
At this particular day, my friend, who lived in the same city but another college, came to my place. We had fun, did crazy stuff, ran and laughed out loud on roads, ate street-food, went to watch the Bollywood movie Tare Zameen Par and felt awesome. It was one of those awesome days when your cheeks hurt because you laughed too much. We were back at my hostel by evening.
Now, she had to catch her train at around 10:45 or 11:00 at night, she had to leave for her hometown. We had had so much awesome time together that the idea of stopping the fun at 8:00 PM just like that didn't sound good.
Someone said we will go Railway station to drop her and will be back within time. For reference, Railway station was at another end of city and it usually took more than an hour to reach there. I was little uncomfortable with the idea but, so high was our energy that I would have sounded a spoiler if insisted them to stay. And I was feeling little awkward that she was actually my friend and everyone except me was excited about seeing her off (yeah, seems funny now).
Then I thought to myself "there is risk everywhere, you can't sit back home scared. And moreover it's just this natural instinct of fear which is almost always there but does something horrible happen every time? Nah. you are being too timid. We are five girls, will handle anything."
After a small debate and session of getting ready, we left hostel chit-chatting and giggling and laughing. The only commutation to station was City Bus.
We boarded, continuing our jokes and all. After one and a half hour, we reached station. Station was almost stranded or at least no considerable number of trustworthy people there but it was safe inside at platform.After checking platform number and train running status and finally seeing her off, we started back, exiting the station. Suddenly all the noise and laughing we were making started echoing in our heads. The silence outside the station was horrifying. It was quite dark and station was nowhere near the city. We had to cross a road with jungle both the sides. Sound of railway announcement was still heard in background.
We were tired by now and little scared too. Though we kept on talking, because maybe no one was saying that she was actually scared.
In front of the railway station, at the other side of road, was the city bus stand but no bus seemed ready to leave. And oh it was 10:30 by now, somehow we were late as per our plan. We got really scared for how would we go back!
Suddenly a sigh of relief! There was one bus with a driver inside and lights on.
We ran towards the bus, the bus driver looked at us and started the engine. I stopped for a moment as there was no one else in the bus and my gut wasn't telling me anything good about it. But aha! As soon as we came near the gate there was conductor running towards it and other passengers who must have been waiting for the bus to be started, appeared and took their respective seats.
We confirmed with driver if this bus would go to the place we wanted to go because the sign was for somewhere else, he was affirmative but seemed in hurry. I thought to myself that he must be starting bus hurriedly because he was being nice that few girls were there alone in a winter's night, that too at a place where no other female was in sight.
Everyone of us knew what kind of risk we had taken and by then I had started feeling a mix of depression, discomfort and excitement. Between those moments we talked about Empowerment. And beneath our words was lying a truth which mocked the shallowness of this word and kept us scared all the time.
We got seated, relaxed. Our smiles were back and now we started recalling whatever we did whole day, laughing and swearing….suddenly me and my room-mate started feeling weird, we were not able to explain this to others but we sensed something was wrong. We got quiet, noticed that the passengers who were sitting at random places are all now sitting at the seats beside driver. And they all are friends. And we all were just noticing, without talking to each other. Then I realized that the conductor and driver and everyone else were friends. All fun vanished and brain started to calculate every possibility of worse. It was hard to believe that they were not random passengers.
I looked out of the window and this was the beginning of the moment when I was most frightened. We were not on the road towards city, it took us somewhere off road. By this time we all knew where this was heading. I don't know when did this happen but we all were holding each other's hands. I looked back inside the bus and what I saw was worse than a bad nightmare, dramatic, scary and unimaginable.
They were happy as if preparing for a feast. I just can't tell anyone ever what actions they were doing, most of which I did not understand then and realized later in my life when grew up.
Those were almost 8-9 men. This was the moment I was most frightened ever in my life. That moment was passing too slow, I saw everything in slow motion. I am still not able to explain the horror. All my senses faded, I could only hear their devil laughter over bus's running sound. One of us started crying and trembling and said she was going to jump out of the bus, other one was holding her religious locket and started praying.
Somehow my brain was still working and I took my phone out. In the mightiest effort of my life, as loud as I could be, I pretended to talk to someone and said "Hello, uncle! Yes, we have started from here."
That railway station was near Cantonment area, one thing in our favor. So, I used this fact and said "But these guys are not taking us via the cantt road in front of your house. What? Bus number?"
I shouted at driver, completely ignoring what was going on (believe me that was the most difficult thing I have ever done, ignoring those) "Bhaia! Bus ka number kya hai? aur ye kaha se le kar ja rhe ho, mere uncle cant road se idhar aa rahien hain gaadi lekar. Apna gadi ka number batao jaldi."
Translation: "What is this Bus's number? And what weird route you are taking, my uncle is coming from Cantt road towards our bus in his car. Tell me the bus number."
"Oh it's written in front of me." I shouted and started citing the bus number on phone to my imaginary uncle.
In city buses the bus number is mostly written behind driver's seat.
He didn't respond. Other men carried on doing what they were doing. By this time I knew we are not going to reach anywhere tonight. I wanted to cry. Moreover I so damn regretted not forcing everyone to stay back. I felt extreme guilt and anger over everyone's immaturity, including myself.
They were celebrating. Driver seemed little nervous and I, with all my fake confidence, started shouting at him about the route. I was behaving as if we were not frightened and totally unaware that they were preparing for something devilish. Others got courage too and tried to not look frightened.
Something happened, he suddenly turned the bus and speeded like anything. In a short time we were at main road and market area was near. Our frozen blood started getting warm and we almost jumped off the bus and while we were getting down, the conductor hanged from the gate almost over me and said in that type of voice, you understand right?
"arey ghar tak pahuncha kar ayenge ham log tension kya hai?"
Translation: Oh c'mon! We can drop you ladies till your home. Why do you worry?
If I had claws I would have cut his tongue out, I swear.
We found another bus which was safer and full with people. Though most of them were laborers and workers (not that I am labeling laborers as someone you can't travel with, but just sharing what my mindset was at that time and still today I don't feel a lot safe around these people) but still it was inside city and there were few elderly people as well. We didn't speak a word to each other. Reached our hostel. Managed a late entry, banged the door and just didn't sleep that night.
I was in 11th and in a new school. After 12 years of being in a convent school, it was difficult for me to adjust to this new school where people abused, made out in every isolated place they could find in the school premises, smoked in washrooms among others. Unfortunately I happened to date someone from the same school at that time (someone I could never think of dating today). For obvious reasons we had broken up when things started to get screwed up for me. And yes, it was my first love so I was heartbroken ( or believed in the illusion of a heartbreak). Now that I have explained the background details, I'll pen down what happened after that.
Someone supposedly from my previous school abused someone from my new school and this spread like fire. The English teacher (she happened to be a past student of the same convent) came to class and started abusing the girl and the convent. She went on to say how that girl does not deserve to live and many other derogatory things which were uncalled for. I stood up and told her how she had no right to comment on the integrity of someone's character and of the school she herself had studied in. She went and told everyone that I had back answered. From then on every teacher started discriminating me for no reason. They failed me in Physics and Maths for no reason. I got the lowest grades in English repeatedly.
My class teacher insulted my mother in every parent-teacher meeting. Also i had left her English tuition ( I happened to be one of her favorite students until I left her tuition). I was pissed. One day while I was returning from the washroom, coincidentally I happened to pass by my ex bf. We neither talked or looked at each other. The English teacher saw us passing by and caught me. She accused me of bunking class to meet him ( She didn't have the courage to say anything to my ex because he belonged to the oh-so-dreaded commerce section). And then she hit me for breaking the code of conduct. For the first time in my entire life a teacher had hit me. That too for no reason. She hit me repeatedly. I went and complained to the head mistress. Nothing much was done because I had a tarnished reputation ( during that time my dad had an heart attack and I was far from thinking about breakups, boy friends blah blah). And on top of that my ex-bf and his friends started spreading that I had slept with him. For a 11th standard kid, that was hell (I did cry my eyes out unless I realized I had no reason to. I was seventeen.).
He was in the school hall during the break time, making fun of me, explaining people how he did me ( for him I sure was an accomplishment). I went and slapped him 5 times stating him the reason for each slap in front of the entire school. What followed was not decent but it made me proud as I didn't choose to take shit from him or that teacher unlike many others would have. I had the courage to not think of the consequences and stand up for what I believed was right.
But, no matter how much I try I can never overcome the trauma that they made me go through in 11th. I literally stopped interacting with anybody in school after the incident. I have become more cautious in life about choosing my acquaintances. But something in me has not changed, I might be hurt, insulted, challenged, but I'll still stand for what is right without thinking of the consequences. I always will.
This incident happened in July 2009 when I was returning home from work at 11 pm (yeah.. IT company).. It had become my routine working 13 hours a day in my company. I used to board the 1040 guindy to egmore (chennai, india) train and reach egmore at 11pm and wait for bus number 20 series to go to my home in ayanavaram. While i was waiting that day, there was a lady sitting on the bus stand with some cloth bundle beside her (couldn't see what was inside it). She was completely lost in thoughts and i was minding my own business thinking what to do with my life (i was 21.5 yrs old). Later, couple of street dogs came and started sniffing the cloth bundle and to my surprise the baby inside the cloth bundle starts crying (one of the dogs must have licked/touched the baby). I was immediately horrified and went near the woman who is still indifferent to what was happening around her and saw the baby inside the cloth bundle and the dogs beside it. I drove away the dogs and started asking questions to tat woman
Me : Akka, andha kolandha ungaludha??( sister, is that baby yours)
Woman: amam (yes)
Me: yen ipdi inga okarthirtkeenga?? neenga enga poreenga (why are you sitting here, where are u goin?)
woman(breaks down) and tells me that she belongs to thirukalugukundram village in chengalpet district which is near chennai and her husband is part of a construction crew working in chennai. He admitted her in Govt General Hospital for her labor two days ago and he absconded the next day after knowing that the baby was a girl. She went on to say that the wards at GH threw her out once she couldn't pay them and left her on the street that evening. she came to the railway station with the intention of going to chengalpet but she didn't have the money to go to chengalpet and then from there to her village. i inquired if her parents had a mobile to inform her whereabouts but she said they don't have one.
I asked her if she had had anything to eat and then offered the half packet britannia biscuits i had in my office bag. I took her to a restaurant and we ate there. She fed the child and we came to egmore station at 1230 am. i checked the charts for train timings and realized that there was no train to chengalpet at that time. i called a cab and we started the 70 km journey at 1am. throughout the journey i was also terrified n skeptical of being robbed, assaulted and all other bad things that could possibly happen to me(yeah.too many fims n stories).
We reached there around 215am to her parents surprise and they were thankful. i gave her 2000rs which was there in my pocket n told her to take care of herself.
Started the return journey at 3am and came back to my house at 430am. When my mother inquired i told her i had work and slept with satisfaction like a baby.
i went back to work at 9am sharp like i always do n there was a deep sense of satisfaction with myself. Maheswaran R
In 2007, I was like really curious and excited to Clear CAT and get into IIMs (Top MBA college in India). But I failed, I got like 99 percentile but missed the cut off in verbal (Got around 90 percentile).
Again, I wrote CAT in 2008 with much better preparations. This time I got 95++ Percentile in each of sections with 99++ Overall but analyzing cut-offs , I figured I missed cut off by a mark each in different sections of each college. This really pissed me off and I decided not to bother to get into IIM again. But I was feeling totally dejected. So to prove a point , that it wont be IIM who reject me but other way round. I wrote CAT again in 2009. This time I got 99.88 percentile with 99+ percentile in each section. Had calls from IIMA , IIMC , IIMK and IIMI. But as I had already decided , I proved my point and did not attend interview for any of institute. I was feeling really good about me , that I proved a point that I wanted to prove.
In India , doing such a thing is never easy. My parents called my cousin in London , who had studied in IIT and IIM to reconsider my decision as it would really be stupid to let go of such an opportunity. All of family and friends tried to convince me so hard.
And what was most difficult in this was, my business had failed, I had small loan (2.5 lac) to repay. No current source of income. No money to pay my office bills too. But it all fell in place. Within a month after this I started new business, earned more then what 99% of CEOs in India would earn over next 3 years. Invested in a flat. Took almost complete year off on recreations activities and doing what I loved doing including travel (Earned enough to afford a year long holiday).
I am still not sure what I did was right or wrong but am happy and willing to take responsibility for my decision. I am happy that I stood for what I believed in. Rohit B
Stay With Him.
On 8th July, a Tuesday morning, I was going to saloon, seen this poor thing beside a road side tea stall. He was drenched totally in last night rain. His body matted with dirt. First I thought he was dead. Felt little sad and left, walked two steps, turned to look at him, still don't know why, for one more time and noticed his chest is moving and he was still breathing. Got excited and touched him. He opened eyes and began to growl (he was in terrible pain). Caught him and took him to our hostel parking. He was afraid and trying to escape. But he couldn't. Something ran over him. His spine and hind legs were useless. All night he drenched in rain. He was tired and possibly hungry. Bought some milk and tried to feed him. But he was still growling and dragging his body away from me.
Secured a cardboard box to put him in it. This time he bit me. I left him there to clean my wound and went to find a veterinary center. Luckily found a veterinary hospital. Receptionist told me to wait till 9 am. Returned to the hostel and collected my things. But someone took the cardboard box. So I took him to hospital in a carry bag. A nurse cleaned him while I was holding him. When the nurse put a needle in his body to administrate saline mixed with medicine, my eyes welled-up tears. The doctor said his survival chances are very low and told me to bring him three more days. All the day I stayed with him, first in office and then in hostel.
It's sad that he didn't survive and died on the same day.
While feeding milk to him, cleaning him, being with him all day, I found a true meaning of happiness. Actually I didn't help him. He helped me by serving me some joyous moments staying with me.
Once, a long time back ago, I am still a child then, a puppy died trapped in a drain pipe. It was crying all night for help. No one helped and me too. My dad strictly ordered me not to do anything. His logic was that we didn't own the puppy and so it's none of our business and nobody was helping it, so you shouldn't also.
So helping the cat on that day is the bravest thing I ever did. Because I proved to myself that one don't need anything and anybody to do what is right, which i knew, but never did. On that day i broke myself free from my own confinement.
PS: Several people teased me for helping the cat. They said they would have used the money I spent on the cat in a better way if gave it to them. They laughed on me like I did something foolishly awkward for being good to a stray cat.
why people say such things? Srinivas R
I was home for my semester vacations. Complete family gathered under one roof of our native. It was evening and elders of family were sitting together outside hall and were discussing something that looked so important. The discussion was on it's heat or I say peak when I went there searching for my mother. Staying there for sometime I got to know that the topic of discussion was kids of neighborhood.
The discussion was something like "These days kid, they have forgotten moral values, they don't respect their elders decision. They roam out for complete night with other stupid boys & girls and lie about that home. They don't attend their classes, they expense money on illegal things, and more like that..."
The temper of the discussion was taking place in such a scene that at first someone else will get a thought either they don't have children or their children are total serene or role model staying all time in front of their eyes.
I don't know what happened with this idea in my mind, I interrupted their conversation. I have to tell you that it is considered a ill-manner to interrupt when elders at our place are in serious discussions. I probably have never done it before!
"Next, all eyes were at me, not for the interruption but what I said simply in a loud tone. What if, someone outside of our family will talk the same about your kids, Will you find it likewise interesting, funny or prestigious??" Suddenly all the noise and murmuring vanished. I continued, I too live at a different place, where you people are not present to observe me. Do you know that even I do the same stuff or as if that you are pretending that you don't know. Kids have to live life in accordance with the life of place. And things are not same everywhere. Things that looks wrong, may not be wrong. There are reasons for it. And, how could you judge someone and talk anything before knowing what is it."
Then I walked out from the place. That day on-wards no one enjoys about talking ill and judging behavior of neighbor or other kids of family. I don't know if they continue but I never found it again!
Well this is not something brave but this has changed the way my family receives me. I believe changing our home will change society. I feel good of that and it looks like my bravery at-least to me.
Thanks, if you have given me your time reading all this! Shashi R
Some years ago, I had to advise a college friend to stop chasing the girl he was interested in at the time. She'd already turned him down. Explicitly. At least two or three times.
He wouldn't take no for an answer and didn't see anything wrong with his behavior.
Perhaps he'd seen too many movies where the guy eventually breaks through the girl's defenses and essentially coerces her into going out with him?
Sadly, this is behavior that is tolerated and yes, normalized in our society.
People were keen to share other observations after Redditor EnoughSandwich_7057 asked the online community,
"What's toxic behavior that's considered socially acceptable?"
"Trying to make people..."
"Trying to make people drink/smoke or drink/smoke more when they have firmly declined the offer."
This is a big one that can have disastrous consequences. I am thankful I got a bunch of terrible nights out drinking out of my system by my early twenties.
Being drunk to the point that you're incoherent is horrible.
"I hate the whole prank thing..."
"I hate the whole prank thing, especially when it's done for likes. Scaring or humiliating people for attention just means you are a bad person."
I don't watch any of those videos and I don't understand what people see in them.
"Overworking yourself and then collectively judging others who don't do the same."
I had a coworker like that once, and she was a (minor) reason why I ended up leaving one job, but still a reason nonetheless.
"Taking your work with you..."
"Taking your work with you on vacation. I mean if you enjoy working then that's your thing, but I get sick of people like going through paperwork and having meetings while on vacation. Like dude, stop."
"Looking down on someone..."
"Looking down on someone because of their job."
When people say things like, "If fast food workers deserve $15 an hour..." that says a lot.
"Deliberately misunderstanding what someone is saying so as to make it easier to argue with them."
"People tend to give drunk people..."
"People tend to give drunk people misbehaving a pass if they regularly do it, 'Oh don't mind Tom, he's just drunk.' That just reinforces that toxic behavior."
You can say that again. How many times have you run into bad behavior like this while out and about, perhaps in a bar? It's not fun.
"The fact that we reward..."
"The fact that we reward customers for being wrong. The number of times my old manager would be so exhausted from arguing over the cost of a carton of milk with a customer that she would just give it to them is appalling."
"It reinforces this mentality because even if the customer KNOWS they're wrong they don't care because they will still win."
Annnnd this is why I don't miss retail. I'm fine where I am.
"Verbally abusing minimum wage employees who don't make the rules. If I could change the laws tomorrow I'd encourage businesses to ban pieces of garbage like these who can't operate in public."
"I'm here to do a job..."
"Toxic workplace behavior needs to be top of the list. I'm here to do a job and go home, not be harassed because you don't like some aspect of my personality. Managers who let this slide should be held personally liable."
When you stop and think about it, you realize we live in an imperfect society. It's astounding that some people just tolerate bad behavior and, in many cases, don't even see anything wrong with it.
Have some stories of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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Parents make mistakes. We want to believe that parents are doing there very best to raise their kids, but sometimes they do more harm than good.
Research into childhood trauma didn't actually begin until the 1970s, so we don't have as much knowledge about our mental health as adults as we might like.
However, a study that followed 1,420 from 1992 to 2015 found conclusive results about childhood trauma:
"'It is a myth to believe that childhood trauma is a rare experience that only affects few,' the researchers say."
"Rather, their population sample suggests, 'it is a normative experience—it affects the majority of children at some point.'"
"A surprising 60 percent of those in the study were exposed to at least one trauma by age 16. Over 30 percent were exposed to multiple traumatic events."
Not all of the things our parents do that were not so helpful technically classify as trauma, but it definitely has an effect on us as we get older.
Redditor Gooncookies asked:
"What could your parents have done better when raising you?"
Here's some of the ways that these Redditor's parents could have done better.
Rules to maintain purity.
"Would've been nice if my dad hadn't convinced me I had to behave in certain ways to maintain my innocence and purity."
"Catholic? I can relate."
"Nope. He's an atheist. He's actually extremely upset that I practice my (non Christian) religion. He just has some really weird ideas about having female children. Like, if I wore spaghetti straps when I was a child he'd say it was like he was living in a brothel."
Becoming afraid of failure.
"Encourage me to do more. I was never pushed to do anything. I mean, I get why some athletes are like 'my parents pushed me too hard where I hated it.' But I was never encouraged to go out for it try anything new. I played little league baseball and decided I thought it was a good idea to try and be a pitcher. I told my mom, but got the response along the lines of 'That's a hard position, and the whole game kind of rides on you, and if you mess up, everyone is going to blame you.' As a 37 year old I now see how that kind of stuff screwed my self esteem up and why I'm so afraid of failure as an adult."
"Same here. Also when I wanted to try anything new my mom was like 'But that's too hard for you, are you really sure you wanna do this? I don't think that you want nor can.' What's even worse than just forbidding, in this way the kid won't 'protest doing it' and get too low self esteem to do it."
"I'm really happy now that I overcame this after I moved out. I started doing all those things I wanted to do as a kid and I freaking love it (but kinda hate the fact that I haven't started earlier)."
"But even if I have a good relationship to my mom I hide a lot of things I do from her, since she still does the same and tries to convince me that I actually don't wanna do what ever I planned."
"But dear mom, sometimes you just need to try new things. if it wont work out who cares!? Even got a tattoo with 'What if I fall? Honey what if you fly?' to remind me if I should ever forget. (And no, my mum doesn't know about it)."
We're allowed to feel our emotions.
"Allow me to express my emotions, treat me like an actually person, actually interact with me instead of just ignoring me and them just telling me to kill myself."
"Wow. I'm so sorry. I think a lot of parents forget that their children are actually human beings."
"Its okay. I'm trying to work through some of that trauma, its easier said than done."
Interest is nice.
"They could have shown more of an interest in my mental health and education."
"I didn't get help for my anxiety until after college and it's so frustrating to hear my parents acknowledge I was an anxious child yet nothing was done. I can look back and see how many things could have gone better for me."
"I had diagnosed ADHD and my mom thought that the meds made my brother and I zombies and decided she wanted us to just be kids. My parents never looked into any kind of non-medication help for my ADHD."
"I'll always wonder what school would've been like if I had the tools to properly manage it."
"I got an MFA, but I feel my entire life has been a whole lot of masking."
I also have comorbid sleep/circadian rhythm disorder which they also never did anything about. Going to the doctor for anything, physical or mental, was not prioritized. But, my parents definitely weren't well off financially, so I imagine that that was the biggest contributor."
Kids deserve autonomy.
"Taught me to question adults and trust myself."
"They thought they were doing the best thing by teaching my sister and I 'All adults are always right and you obey them no matter what,' but it made me a dysfunctional employee and vulnerable to abusive relationships."
"The good news is it can be unlearned. But I hope this new generation will teach our kids to assert themselves respectfully instead of blind obedience."
Why keep up the charade?
"My parents are great people who did a good job raising me, but there was one weird thing they did that still kind of annoys to this day (and I'm 44.)"
"Once I got old enough to figure out that things like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny weren't real they still wouldn't admit it for some reason; I think it was more my mom and my dad just went along with her. But even when I became a teenager and all my siblings were teenagers it's like they still thought it was funny and cute to keep pretending that Santa Claus was real. I don't know why."
"They missed the point of that sort of thing. It's a rite of passage for children to eventually get old enough to figure out that this sort of thing isn't real and for the parents to let them in on it. I was denied that and it still bugs me for some reason."
"I could imagine that being infuriating at 14-15 years old. At that age you're wanting to be seen as more of an adult and I can imagine them not acknowledging Santa as a way of not welcoming me into adulthood/making me feel like a little kid."
Yea that's weird. When I got older and looked back I realized that my folks never flat out said Santa was real. My mom would say something like, 'He's only real if you believe in him,' so she never technically lied to me. Maybe it stems from that, they don't want to admit they lied to you?"
"That could be, but I think it was more a matter of my parents (again, my mom especially) thinking that doing the whole Santa Claus thing on Christmas morning, and Easter Bunny thing on Easter was fun and something that she just didn't want to let go of when my sisters and I got older."
Healthy criticism is necessary sometimes.
"They lacked discipline and parental authority which led us to treat them like our friends, disrespect them. We also couldn't be academically successful because they didn't help us develop a healthy studying habit."
"Kids like it when a parent tells them what to do (I mean, parenting is about teaching a kid what to do, if you just leave it like that, it won't learn anything), help them when they can't get through it, never give negative criticism, but constructive criticism when they fail and appreciate them when they succeed."
"Negative criticism: this type only tells them what is wrong. e.g. 'you can't do this,' 'you are doing this badly.'"
"Constructive criticism: this type gives them an insight into what should they do, you can add what is lacking if necessary. e.g. '[...] is not good behaviour, please do [...] next time, then you would succeed,' 'it looks ok (if it is badly done, then don't say this), but if you do [...] it'd be better / [...] is the correct way.'"
Whatever the situation was with your parents or caretakers, there are ways to heal from this trauma.
Psychology Today says we need to process our emotions, especially if we were taught not to when we were children.
It's important that we break these generational curses.
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Breaking up is something that never gets easier.
That kind of thinking, however, does little to keep us from feeling dejected for days on end.
Curious to hear from heartbroken strangers on the internet, Redditor whitecheeks-24 asked:
What's your sad love story?
Death never comes at the right time.
A Difficult Decision
"The love of my life and soulmate who I was married to for 20 years and together for 24 passed away about 8 months ago. I feel alone and empty inside. I have nobody to love or to love me. My life is an empty waste of space now."
"I took her off of life support because I know that's what she wanted and I had to respect her wishes but I sometimes wish I was a little more greedy. I just want my doll face back."
"I am so sorry. I had to do the same thing with my love, married 40 years. It's been 28 months and I'm sinking deeper into despair. We had so many plans, did everything together, and I am honestly lost without him. I send you warmest regards."
The Shy Admirer
"I was a shy teenager, in love with a cute neighbor. His sister and my mom were friends. He died in a car accident. Nobody knew how I felt about him. I overheard his sister tell my mom that he was in love with me. We never got to share our feelings with each other."
"I think a guy I found on match.com died but I have no way of knowing. We had only been dating for 2 or 3 months and we were taking things slow. Then he got sick..tumors in his back and he needed surgery. We still hung out but he was in a lot of pain."
"At the time I was frustrated because I felt he was pushing me away. I just adored him and he was sending mixed messages. Now looking back.. I'm thinking he was just trying to survive. He went in for surgery and I never heard from him again. I didn't know his family and he didn't have social media."
"My mom would check the obituaries in the paper for me and I just always wondered. I hope he didn't know how to end things and just felt this was easier. It's been 5 years and I have a family of my own now but Michael..I hope you're okay."
It's hard for these Redditors to accept the fact their love was never meant to be.
Long Distance Fizzle
"I had to leave my first boyfriend behind because I moved out of state and didn't even get to say goodbye because I didn't know we were moving when I left. We left to see my aunt who had been traveling and was diagnosis with brain cancer in another state, she was too sick to travel home so they rented a house and stayed there essentially until she passed away."
"My mom liked the area better than my hometown tho so we ended up staying, our stuff was shipped to us so I never got to say goodbye to my boyfriend in person."
"We kept in contact for a couple years but being 16 and 18, it wasn't easy for me to just pack up and head back to move in somewhere with him. We both knew we weren't ready for that so we tried our best to keep the long distance romance going."
"Eventually he messaged me one day and told me that he can't do it anymore and he didn't want to hear from me again because he couldn't handle it."
"When I was in my early 20s, I've had a love at first sight experience. It completely broke me. He actually was into me too, but not in love like I was."
"I had never had a boyfriend before and I got so excited, I came in like a wrecking ball to cite a great poet. Long story short, I scared him off, he broke up, I couldn't get him out of my head and couldn't imagine a world without him, so I tried to kill myself."
"Though let me reassure you all, it's been years and I'm over him (as long as I don't see him IRL, I just know that I'd fall back in the spiral), I even had a long-term relationship after him."
Tough Reality Check
"I got left out of a 5 year relationship. I got injured, lost my job, and had to go take care of my dying mom. I was not in a good way. I come back from the ER and she calls our entire relationship off because I was not 'passionate' any longer. Right."
"My entire life fell apart. Lost the house we had gone in on. Lost the dog we had gotten together. And I lost my girl. She was my bestfriend, my first love."
"Huge reality check but at least I'm only 22. I'm glad I saw her true colors when things went bad. Easy to stand by someone when times are good. Saddest part is I would take her back in an instant. I lost a piece of my soul with her."
Some of the biggest heartbreaks come when someone shows their true colors.
"FOUND OUT MY BOYFRIEND WAS MARRIED WITH KIDS ON THE INTERNET. I was happy and in love for two years. One day while doing my research for a client work, I come across a research paper. The research paper matched what I was looking for, scrolling through it, I realized the owner had some names as my boyfriend."
"But this time he acknowledges his wife and two children for being patient with him as he was busy doing the thesis. I got curious, I took a screenshot and sent him a picture and asked if it's his paper."
"Also, I asked if it's true that he has two kids and a wife and he why didn't tell me. He answered 'DOES IT MATTER '. That was the end of my relationship. Never talked about it, never told any soul what happened."
"I finally got with my best friend and soul mate. He knows more about me then anyone and knows what I've been put thru my whole life. When we first got together he promised he would never do anything to me that others have."
"One year later he cheated, lied and and broke my spirit. Something i never thought was possible with me, yet he accomplished it. It's been a year since i left him and he still tries to get back into my life. The sad part is I know he doesn't love me and I can't stop loving him."
"After four years of supporting my lover through his depression and alcoholism, he announced tonight that he is leaving me. I'm pretty depressed."
A Devious Scheme
"Wife moves our small family across the country for a promotion at her company. When we arrive and settle into our house, she leaves me for her boss."
"The move was a scheme for her boss to leave his wife and kids, and for her to leave me, while being able to be close to all their children. So I unknowingly left my career, family and friends behind to move to a state where I don't know anyone so she could be with her new guy."
Unexpected tragedy will always be, to me, the saddest break up story.
A co-worker of mine used to date a young man who was a patron at the store where we both worked.
Their budding romance was new and exciting and absolutely adorable to watch.
He told me he planned to propose to her before he went away on a family vacation, but sadly, my friend never got the proposal. The guy drowned in a horrible boating accident during his trip.
Although my friend is now happily married with two kids, I wonder if she still thinks about him.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/Want to "know" more?
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On the outside, so many professions and careers look glamorous, financially enticing, and fun.
Often we sit back in our own lives and wallow in our dead-end jobs with that "wish I could do that for a living mentality!"
But if you look a little closer or, much like Dorothy Gale in OZ, just wait for a Toto to push the curtain back, you'll see that a lot more is going on behind the scenes.
And the shenanigans we don't see, make all that fun... evaporate.
So many careers and high power industries are built on a foundation of lies, backstabbing, and stress. And not in that fun "Dynasty" way.
That quiet, dead-end gig may not be so bad after all.
Redditor MethodicallyDeep wanted hear all the tea about certain careers, by asking:
What is a secret in your industry that should be talked about?
I swear if every single person was forced to work in the hospitality industry for at least one month in their life, y'all would be beside yourselves. The amount of craziness and laziness could keep you eating at home for every meal until death.
Play Bigmartin scorsese casino GIFGiphy
"Casino dealers really do want the players to win. We don't work for the house. We get paid crap hourly rates and rely on tips. Unless the player is super nice they only to tip if they win so we really do want you to win." ~ thedevilsgame
Not the Good Stuff...
"That you can take a gallon of paint and give it a different label, price point, and warranty depending on the store it is sold in." ~ big_d_usernametaken
"My professor told me the same thing. He was a job coach and erased the due dates on food products with I believe acetone or some product in nail polish remover."
"Would slap a new date on it, and the food would get shipped to poorer neighborhoods. That crap blew my mind." ~ Additional_Bar_2013
"Oh crap, I may actually go to jail."
"That if everyone being charged with a crime insisted on it going to trial, no plea bargaining, the system would crash." ~ mikenyle
"When I was a juror, the judge also commented before everything started that trial by jury is the only thing causing people to plea bargain and "getting the system moving."
"Many trials sit in limbo for years, and it's only the threat of "Oh crap, I may actually go to jail."
"That really negotiations start. That's exactly what happened in my case - jurors got selected, and that afternoon (after being 2 years in the system), the defendant pleads out." ~ zealeus
"Safety. It's not really about your health and well being. It's about saving the company money from medical expenses, lost time, lawyer costs, etc. Very rarely does your company actually give 2 craps about you, no matter how much they preach safety, they just don't want to pay if you get hurt/killed." ~ WhenThePiecesFit
"pen to paper"New Girl I Give Up GIFGiphy
"TV/screenwriter here. If you're established and well connected, it's very easy to coast and be a TV writer for YEARS and do very little actual writing. Most of TV writing is just talking in a room with other writers spitballing."
"This is why there's so many old, unfunny dudes still "writing" on TV shows. They're hired by their friends and in TV, a lot writers don't actually do much "pen to paper" writing. Plus everything gets rewritten to death." ~ GardenChic
So much mess. Someone hire me to write for TV. Why are you just giving away jobs to unqualified people? Life is so unfair. This list makes me mad. Let's continue...
Carbon Copiesmail GIF by RabbidsGiphy
"I work in the print industry, we print cheques for companies and there is so little security involved in hiring, or keeping the materials secure, or running the actual work, or shipping the work to customers. I'm shocked we haven't had a problem with stolen cheques." ~ Jeff_Cunningham
"Advertising. I keep reading that advertising is leading people to be more woke, or multicultural. Companies don't lead, they follow. They do lots of research and know where the future markets are."
"I worked for a very conservative global brand. 5 years before gay marriage became legal, they told us it would happen and we needed to start targeting the LBGTQ community." ~ leftside72
"Visa agent and I've seen people be refused because the manager didn't like their face." ~ Ok_Albatross9395
"Omg this happened to my sister. She couldn't start her semester in time because she kept being refused a visa even though she fulfilled all conditions."
"Finally my parents found a "connection" in embassy to see what's going on; turns out someone just didn't like her when she came to give her papers the first time. I never knew if I can fully believe that story." ~ animal7239
So much typing...
"I'm a writer, among other things. I used to ghostwrite. You'd be amazed how many popular books are partly or fully ghostwritten. I specialised in taking people's crappy first drafts and rewriting them so they were actually good. Not "good" according to people's taste, which is subjective."
"But objectively better in the sense of being properly spelled, not having gaping plot holes, making sure characters were consistent. By the time I was done there was often very little left of the draft the "writer" had created, but there was a marketable product."
"Pisses me off no end when I see all the bull the publishing industry comes out with about how writers submitting a manuscript must make sure it's perfect because only excellence will get you anywhere."
"I don't know how they can say that and still sleep at night, knowing full well that they're hiring people like me to do large-scale rewrites (or to take a half-baked plot and create a draft from scratch)." ~ iwillckingbiteyou
ThievesJoseline Hernandez Facepalm GIFGiphy
"I work in payroll. The number of payroll reports I see where people are conned out of their overtime is saddening."
"Also, taxes paid by a business shouldn't actively dissuade them from paying employees less. The system shouldn't be based on paying a percentage of employee salary in taxes (FICA, Workers Comp), in other words." ~ ThongofSekhmet
I think some investigations need to be launched. I always knew payroll departments were running a scam. Too many people are being ripped off. Time to expose some people.
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