What A Night

I tried to reconnect with an old flame I hadn't seen in years and invited her to a party a co-worker of mine was having. She's now a single mother and hasn't gone out to a party in years and accepts my invitation readily.

We go the party late because she decided it was imperative that she pre-game, despite my insistence this was a house party and not a kegger and that we weren't teenagers any more. First thing she does is chug a beer then slide her jeans down to expose her butt so that people could slap it.

She goes hard and ends up throwing up and passing out around 8pm. The party started at 7. I'm cleaning up after her, embarrassed all to hell, when she wakes up and starts throwing up again narrowly missing the trash can I had placed next to her. Eventually I get everything cleaned up, talk to her and decide it's better to just go back to my place and she can sleep it off in an actual bed.

I put her in my car and go back for her purse. Upon my return I discover my entire car is covered with yet more vomit. I clean that up as best I can (oh god the smell) and take her back to my place and lay her down.

End of the story? No, no I wish it was.

She decides she can't fall asleep because her clothes are cutting off her oxygen supply so she strips down completely nude in front of me and then passes out. This was my tiny one room studio so I couldn't go anywhere to give her privacy. I also only owned one blanket and at this point it was freezing. So I stay fully clothed and lay down next to her and try to get some sleep.

About 15 minutes later she gets up and wanders to the other side of the studio, then just stands there, again she is completely nude. I get up and ask her what's wrong and as soon as the words are out of my mouth she pees all over my floor like a dog.

Of course the universe decides this is the day I should run out of cleaning supplies, so I make a (by now) midnight run to a 24 hour CVS, clean everything up and then I can't sleep the rest of the night.

Morning comes and I take her home, never spoke to her again. Heard she stopped drinking and got married though.

dabbit-secondus

Someone's Dream Life Became Too Real

We are driving around looking for a place to grab lunch. I keep suggesting all these restaurants and he shoots all my ideas down. I jokingly suggest the Subway in Walmart. He's for it. Soon as we get our sandwiches he says every night he dreams he's fighting demons and he knows the dreams are real because he wakes up with bite marks. On the way home he asked if i wanted to hunt ghosts with him

ketometer

Vroom Vroom Vroom

My date showed up for lunch, drunk. Kept drinking throughout lunch and as I was making a quick exit, said "hey I got some ropes in the car if you want to have done fun".

Fortunately sober me took off and he said he was going to follow me. He was driving around in circles in the parking lot and I drove away. Never heard from him again (not like I'd answer him)

CallMeKyleena

Co-Dependency With Animals

She kept cancelling and rescheduling due to her dog's anxiety. I set up a date at a brewery that had an outdoor patio so she could bring the little dog and it wouldn't get anxiety from being alone. Throughout the date she talked to the dog and when we talked, she mainly talked about him (the dog) and how everyone was thinking he was so cute and wants to pet him. Watching someone have a longer and more involved conversation with their dog than me while we were on a date was astonishing to me.

ProseBe4Hoes

Are...They Going To Get Me Murdered?

In the middle of a coffee date, my date - a guy who I had met on OKCupid who attended the same college - decided to tell me in a jovial tone that he moved from Florida after he was formally accused of murdering his late boyfriend who had died in their apartment together. Being a little weirded out I decided to end the date, citing that I had some stuff to do at home. Then he wanted to walk me home. I played one of those "Ope! This is my block, gotta go!" and dipped about 3 blocks away from my actual apartment.

It wasn't that he brought it up - it's how he brought it up. It all made me very uneasy.

Final contact came as a text from him: "Nice meeting you today. You could have warned me about those blue eyes though." Spooky fella.

Blandscapes

No, No.

I went on a date with a guy I met via Badoo last year. Here are some highlights:

• "You're a gamer girl, you're not fat, and you're as attractive as you are in your pictures? What's the catch?"

-Mishears "Support worker" as "Social worker" after asking what I do for a living, and proceeds into a tirade about how all social workers are "government Nazis", who steal children from homes and place them into foster care, and says nothing more on the matter when I correct him.-

• When the date ended (after around 90 minutes longer than it should have been) "Are you coming with me or not?"

He texted me the next day saying he had a lovely time, and that he wouldn't mind seeing me again. No.

matildamint

Finding Friends

I was on a second date with a girl I met on Tinder. The first date was lovely, we ate sushi and drank beer at the river. For the second one we went to a party.

The whole evening she made out with guys to get a free drink (some of the drinks she even gave to me) and then ditched them - "oooops, I'm a lesbian, soorry!". She also always came up to me and told me she's disgusted to kiss me because of my lip piercing. Once she heavily made out with a girl in one corner and later left with a lesbian couple for an hour.

The only reason I stayed? One guy who paid for one of her drinks and didn't get she's a lesbian started talking to me and asked me about her. I then told him that actually I AM the date. We ended partying together the whole night. He was a really cool dude, we had a lot in common and it went from a horrible night to a pretty fun one.

Eine_Pampelmuse

This All Got Crazy

Moved to New York in my early 20s, (grew up in a very small town in Kentucky), did a little reminiscing, looking through old friends on Facebook. Found out this girl I went to middle school with (she moved away after that) also lived in New York. I reached out to her and said we should hang out. She was very enthusiastic.

Went to a bar in the lower east side. Started out really nice. I thought we were just meeting up as friends, it became clear we were on a date. She told me she had just recently broken up with someone. Told me she had always had a huge crush on me, (dude the last time I saw you we were literally 13).

She gets louder and louder and starts talking about how everyone in her life has failed her. She is apparently incredibly angry at the world. People are looking at us. Cool, I say I'm running to the restroom. I come back and she's taken the liberty of ordering a drink for me. Just a huge goblet of bourbon. Okay not really my thing, and weird that you decided it was. How do you even talk the bartender into giving you like a quarter of the bottle in a cocktail glass.

Try to end the date. She prolongs the goodbye. We walk out of the bar together. I ask which way she's going. She points toward her train stop. Oh what a shame I tell her, I'm the other direction (we actually had the same train). She tells me that's fine she'll go with me. Too young and lack the emotional maturity to tell her "hey I just don't want hang out with you", so I say "ah I was actually just going to go on a walk, stretch my legs a bit, it was fun hanging out with you we should do this again." She replies that she would love to take a walk.

So we walk, it's 15 degrees outside. Surely if we keep walking she'll get cold and go her own way. Nope, the rage is keeping her warm. She's telling me about her sister now. Man she really hates her sister. It's been like 5 hours since the start of the date now, 2am. Can't take it anymore, go down to the train. She comes with me, sits next to me. She offers to go to my place, I finally have to say that I'm just not interested in her doing so.

It doesn't sound bad on paper but there's something so unpleasant about being a young twenty-something, struggling and broke in a new city, reminiscing about being a care free kid, trying to reconnect with something from that life, and then they take you on an incredibly aggressive date.

ExhaustoChamber

Unsafe Boundaries

On a first date a guy, we got tired of the bar we were at and he told me he wanted to take me to somewhere cool. Sweet. I was down. He then proceeded to drive me twenty minutes out of town in a rural area. I kept asking where we were going and he kept saying for me to just trust him. We end up in a cornfield. I am straight up thinking I am getting murdered at this point. Turns out he just wanted to look at the stars, but I was so paranoid and worked up that I just asked to go back to town.

eesshhh

People Like This Exist

We had dinner, and throughout it he kept joking about having forgotten his wallet, probably in an attempt to get me to pay for him.

He said that dictatorship was the best kind of state since people feel so much safer and more secure than in a democracy (not a joke).

He planned what kind of music will play in our car when we go for a vacation together, and that our kids might not enjoy Iron Maiden (I do enjoy Iron Maiden, he did not).

The next day, he texted me "I'd like to invite you to the movies, would you like to pay for my ticket?"

I didn't text back.

TheFoxyBoxes