I'm not a babysitter. Hold your liquor fool!!
We all have those friends, well let's be honest.... we've all BEEN that friend. It's okay. Sometimes liquor gets the best of us. Often those five extra shots are NOT a good idea. Try to remember that. Nobody wants to have to babysit their adult friends. Now, often these moments lead to lifelong hilarious stories. But you need to watch how many stories you collect and actions come with consequence.
I had a friend in high school who got naked every time he got drunk. As soon as Jim was naked we knew the party was over.
Edit: his name was actually frank! Chickiepie
Traffic was stopped after a college basketball game so he decided to get out of his car and chat with a cop who was there keeping an eye on the crowds leaving the arena, she arrested him for DUI. Coogles
I had a friend who would always pull out his testicles when he got drunk. No penis, just testicles. Sometimes he would attempt to play the piano with one testicle.
It has been about 20 years since I last hung out with him socially, but did this Halloween.
Sure enough as soon as he was wasted- he was necking back $1K bottles of wine he'd brought which added to the weird- he was ALL ABOUT his testicles. Still.
At least he left them in his pants but he spent the whole party chasing after me yelling "Tiny penis... HUGE testicles. Every time! Above average!" He also tried to convince my husband to sell me to him. underpantsbandit
On the Leg.
Drunk friend was relieving himself in a bush. Someone tapped him on the back. He turned round, still continuing to pee, to find himself face to face with a policeman. Poor cop had pee all down his leg, but saw the funny side. jmhorne
My friend claims he was abducted by aliens one night on his way home from a local festival.
In reality, he drank way too much Guinness, tried to ride his bicycle home up the steepest hill in town, and blacked out in the process.
It was 5 years ago. We just argued about it, again, this weekend. PM_ME_B00TY_PICZZZ
A guy I knew in college came to a Halloween party on roller skates and got absolutely plastered, and proceeded to roller skate up and down the stairs. This ended predictably to everyone but him, and he fell and got hurt. Due to the anesthetic effects of being super-drunk, however, no one realized how badly he was hurt. He passed out in the living room, and proceeded to pee all over the floor in the middle of the night because he couldn't walk to the bathroom. Turns out his leg was broken in 2 places.
I also just mentioned in a "bad roommates" thread about a girl I knew in college who stole someone's cat while drunk and hid it in our campus housing apartment. cactusfairyprincess
Had a friend with a prosthetic leg......
Dumb, but funny. Had a friend with a prosthetic leg, only he never told anyone about it who didn't already know. He always waited until a party was going well into the night and everyone (including himself) was plenty drunk. He'd then produce a large knife and get everyone's attention before plunging the blade into his leg. He'd then throw his head back and scream in (fake) pain.
Often times, people would scream in terror and go running out the front door. Everyone who knew him and were familiar with his antics, would merely roll their eyes and ignore him. It was a funny prank, but a dumb one because sometimes the cops were called and an ambulance would show up. Cops and paramedics were never amused. Everything80sFan
Retrieved a beer coozie that fell in a port-a-Jon.
Ate food out of the trash can with the Constanza excuse that it was "on the top."
Same friend. ill_change_it_later
One of my favorite drunk memories was when I was probably 17 and we were drinking in a friend's basement and as everyone was going to bed one of the people there kept complaining about how uncomfortable their blanket was. In the morning we discovered he had been using one of those big rubber bottomed rugs (like the kind you would put in a laundry room or something). He was also literally feet from a stack of blankets. rampantapplejohn
Not Mr. Ed.Giphy
He punched a horse... a police horse... with the cop still on it... at Mardi Gras in New Orleans. He spent some time in jail for that one. King_Kongs_Left_Nut