We all have those friends, well let's be honest.... we've all BEEN that friend. It's okay. Sometimes liquor gets the best of us. Often those five extra shots are NOT a good idea. Try to remember that. Nobody wants to have to babysit their adult friends. Now, often these moments lead to lifelong hilarious stories. But you need to watch how many stories you collect and actions come with consequence.
Redditor u/walletsalt wanted everyone to out the whacked, liquored up behavior of their friends by asking..... What's the dumbest thing a drunk friend has done?
Oh Jim/Frank.
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I had a friend in high school who got naked every time he got drunk. As soon as Jim was naked we knew the party was over.
Edit: his name was actually frank! Chickiepie
Traffic Issues.
Traffic was stopped after a college basketball game so he decided to get out of his car and chat with a cop who was there keeping an eye on the crowds leaving the arena, she arrested him for DUI. Coogles
Testy Man.
I had a friend who would always pull out his testicles when he got drunk. No penis, just testicles. Sometimes he would attempt to play the piano with one testicle.
It has been about 20 years since I last hung out with him socially, but did this Halloween.
Sure enough as soon as he was wasted- he was necking back $1K bottles of wine he'd brought which added to the weird- he was ALL ABOUT his testicles. Still.
At least he left them in his pants but he spent the whole party chasing after me yelling "Tiny penis... HUGE testicles. Every time! Above average!" He also tried to convince my husband to sell me to him. underpantsbandit
On the Leg.
Drunk friend was relieving himself in a bush. Someone tapped him on the back. He turned round, still continuing to pee, to find himself face to face with a policeman. Poor cop had pee all down his leg, but saw the funny side. jmhorne
Oh Guinness....
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My friend claims he was abducted by aliens one night on his way home from a local festival.
In reality, he drank way too much Guinness, tried to ride his bicycle home up the steepest hill in town, and blacked out in the process.
It was 5 years ago. We just argued about it, again, this weekend. PM_ME_B00TY_PICZZZ
"bad roommates"
A guy I knew in college came to a Halloween party on roller skates and got absolutely plastered, and proceeded to roller skate up and down the stairs. This ended predictably to everyone but him, and he fell and got hurt. Due to the anesthetic effects of being super-drunk, however, no one realized how badly he was hurt. He passed out in the living room, and proceeded to pee all over the floor in the middle of the night because he couldn't walk to the bathroom. Turns out his leg was broken in 2 places.
I also just mentioned in a "bad roommates" thread about a girl I knew in college who stole someone's cat while drunk and hid it in our campus housing apartment. cactusfairyprincess
Had a friend with a prosthetic leg......
Dumb, but funny. Had a friend with a prosthetic leg, only he never told anyone about it who didn't already know. He always waited until a party was going well into the night and everyone (including himself) was plenty drunk. He'd then produce a large knife and get everyone's attention before plunging the blade into his leg. He'd then throw his head back and scream in (fake) pain.
Often times, people would scream in terror and go running out the front door. Everyone who knew him and were familiar with his antics, would merely roll their eyes and ignore him. It was a funny prank, but a dumb one because sometimes the cops were called and an ambulance would show up. Cops and paramedics were never amused. Everything80sFan
Be Coozie.....
Retrieved a beer coozie that fell in a port-a-Jon.
Ate food out of the trash can with the Constanza excuse that it was "on the top."
Same friend. ill_change_it_later
Need Blankets.
One of my favorite drunk memories was when I was probably 17 and we were drinking in a friend's basement and as everyone was going to bed one of the people there kept complaining about how uncomfortable their blanket was. In the morning we discovered he had been using one of those big rubber bottomed rugs (like the kind you would put in a laundry room or something). He was also literally feet from a stack of blankets. rampantapplejohn
Not Mr. Ed.
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He punched a horse... a police horse... with the cop still on it... at Mardi Gras in New Orleans. He spent some time in jail for that one. King_Kongs_Left_Nut
The dogs owner shared the video along with a post asking professionals to shed some light on why he does what he does.
Owner-obliviousness as they gushed about how adorable it was made the awkward even better.
The owner explained the Frenchie often makes aggressive eye contact and licks his lips while he "plays air guitar"—which is what the family calls it—and how cute & funny they all find the behavior.
GiphyThe video was the dog, casually chilling, using his paw to rub the tip of his penis while staring awkwardly at the camera and licking his lips like a pup possessed.
Three hundred and fifteen laugh-reacts—at the time that I saw it—and only three comments:
1. a vet explaining that the behavior showed in the video was the dog masturbating while making direct eye contact
2. the owner giving a simple "thank you" and
3. the admins of the group closing the comments.
So, why am I sharing this with you?
Because Reddit user Drakmamman asked:
"Dog owners of reddit, what the dog doin?"
... and so now you get this whole article just so I had an excuse to tell y'all about a furiously fapping Frenchie, 'cause somebody else needed to know about him.
I cackled for a good 20 minutes imagining the family getting all giddy about their dog "playing air guitar"—making the little air guitar meedly squeedly noises while he played, maybe even playing along thinking they're enjoying a fun little game—but they're really just been giving a hair metal soundtrack to their dogs stroke sesh.
Something tells me now the owner knows what "air guitar" really is, they're not likely to rush and tell Reddit all about how they've been gathering as a family to watch cause it's just so cute.
That's what I'm here for.
Anyway, here's the stuff other people's dogs are up to. It's not fapping—or if it is, the owners aren't telling Reddit.
Partner Preference
Giphy"Wife just came home with the baby. Dog is acting like she's been abandoned for years running up and down, barking and jumping on everything."
"They'd only been out an hour and I was with her the whole time." - Single_Goose7015
"My dog does this too when my wife comes home. Like what am I, chopped liver?" - jackof47trades
"I feel your pain. My dog started howling mournfully when my partner went back to work last week… I was right there!" - TreatOutside
"Staring at the door waiting for the only human he cares about to come home (obviously not me)" - SnarkyRedhead
Herding Cats
Giphy"Probably trying to herd the cats."
"He's a border collie mix who's afraid of goats and sheep, but even after six years of living with them he still thinks he can control where the cats go."
"He's a good boy, he's very persistent, but not terribly bright sometimes." - TokesNotHigh
"After 8 years our border collie still herds the cats, and the vacuum." - psychologicaluse28
"Big heart, small brain. I have one of those dogs too. They are the sweetest." - Technobucket
Wretched Existence
Giphy"She has flung herself flat across the bed and is playing dead, quiet except for the occasional pitiful whine. Every now and then she lifts her head up and fixes a desperate look upon me, silently begging for release from her wretched existence."
"She's a bit overdramatic about having to wear a cone. The issue is an abrasion on a toe that she won't stop licking, which is making it worse."
"I've been alternating between bandaging it and having her wear a cone. She's been consistently a drama queen." - halfinboxes
One Hour
Giphy"Staring at me because their dinner time is in one hour and they need to start letting me know that, in an hour, they need to eat...in an hour, so I better not forget...cuz they're hungry, which is why they're staring at me...and it's almost dinner time."
"Just one more hour, And they want to make sure I don't forget. Because maybe I will."
"So, they need to remind me. By staring at me. Every day. One hour before dinner." - MotherOfFred
A Little "Light" Exercise
Giphy"Mine loves light reflected off watches or phones. And loves lasers."
"It's sunny and he sees light on the wall so he is bothering me to use my watch or phone so he can chase the light. I've spent the last hour doing it."
"I even got him a cat laser toy that's automatic for him and he runs himself tired as all hell with it. But he is STILL asking for it."
"Used the laser toy also too, so he is panting dripping tongue and still wants to play more..." - boomgoon
Vicious Predators
Giphy"Last night my dogs chased down and killed a rabbit in the backyard. They are usually so gentle; this was weird and unexpected."
"I watched the whole thing helpless because it was so fast. The rabbit screamed, it was insane."
"Now, I'm watching them sleep on my couch and can't help but think they just murdered someone."
"They are just vicious predators, right here, in my house. On my couch."
"But they snuggly as f*ck. This trips me out." - Atheist_Redditor
A Problematic Princess
Giphy"We have two chihuahuas. One is a 15 year old (quite appropriately) named Princess and one is a one year old named Charlie."
"Both have their own dog beds on the couch since they are spoiled."
"When Princess is feeling particularly moody or like asserting her dominance, she will drag Charlie's bed into her bed and lay on top of BOTH of them and snarl at him if he comes close to her personal space bubble/bed mountain."
"And when we tell her she can't have both beds and put his bed back to the side, she just glares at us. Lol." - mslm90
Shoe-nanigans
Giphy"She's currently in her cage resting after her great adventure."
"She managed to get upstairs and grab a hold of one of my shoes. Not just any old shoe, but one of the shoes I am planning to wear this weekend for my wedding."
"After running around, she dropped the shoe to chew on a shirt - at which point she was cornered, and then brought downstairs."
"Pup and shoe are both unharmed and doing well. My nerves, not so much." - still_interesting23
So ... what's YOUR dog been up to lately?
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