
Now for the most part, when making major life choices, being sober should be an essential ingredient in the process. But every once and a Blue Moon (and I do mean the beer with a shot) the choices we make while under the influence, can be some of the greatest decisions we ever make during the course of our lives. So cheers and enjoy that new car or vacation or moose you adopted.
Redditor u/Feerka wanted to discuss the times we've all lived our best lives after several rounds of libation by asking.... What is the best decision you've made while drunk?Hi Molson
I went to a party in college and came home with a cat. I was petting the house owner's cat and he asked if I wanted a kitten, they had found him outside and he was in rough shape. He is now 7 years old and appropriately named Molson.
All Aboard....
I booked a vacation to New Orleans at 3 AM while blackout drunk. I got awesome deals on airfare and a nice hotel. Even booked it to perfectly fit into my work schedule. I have no idea how I pulled it off, but it was like getting a gift from a stranger.
The Healer
We had a get together at my place a couple years ago, just me and 3 of my classmates. One of them recently broke up with his GF and was heartbroken.
We got quite drunk and they left the next morning, but said classmate came back for his charger and told me that thanks to what I've said the day before, they are getting back together with GF.
I was glad obviously, but to this day I have no clue what I've told him. I was very drunk. They're still together btw.
Yummy!
I made grilled cheese at 2 am once, but instead of using plain toast I made it with garlic bread.
Craving Water
I've left (and continue to do so) a pint glass of ice on my bedside table so I can't drink it immediately, but when i wake up with that 4am cotton mouth thirst:
Big glass cold water waiting, no getting up.
This is why I keep my water bottle next to the bed. My mom's cat knocked a glass of water over my head when I was a teenager (had one of those beds with the little shelf in the headboard). Not fun at 3am. My cat will still knock over the bottle, but at least there no mess.
Geronimo!!
Dude, my last 3 vacations and skydiving trips were all planned completely hammered. The first time was so successful I almost believe I plan better. Since July Ive been skydiving twice, kayaking, saw all the San Diego zoo, got a sunburn, went camping, went fishing, visited old friends across the country. If I plan sober i worry about money and all the legwork to plan/pull it off.
NO CLUE!
I got really hammered one night and started missing my mom (even though I talked to her regularly) because I lived very far away so I didn't see her often. Apparently I called her and spoke to her for about a hour (according to my phone log). The next day when I called her to apologize for whatever dumb sh!t I said, she told me that it was the most wonderful conversation she'd ever had and that I made her feel so proud to be my mom.
I have NO CLUE what I said to her and I never had the heart to tell her that I couldn't remember the call. She died 2 years ago and I never did find out what I said to her. Just gonna ETA to say how wonderful it has been to be able to share memories of my mom. She really was wonderful and I'm so glad for any chance I have to tell people how much she meant to me.
On the Road
My friend and I were drunk when we decided to do a 2000 mile motorcycle trip. We did it a few months later and had a blast. We now have a rule that if we both agree to a ridiculous trip while drinking, The Agreement must be Honored.
The Final Moments
I used to deliver small airplanes as a sort of side-gig. The best part for me, was simply being by myself, often for days, and just enjoying leisurely flights over the US.
One evening several years ago, I'd had a few too many and invited my dad to join me on a 3-4 day trip to deliver some guy's new plane from the Northwest.
Disclaimer: Although I care about him, dad can be very stressful to travel with on long trips. So the next morning I was a little annoyed with myself for doing this.
Due to medical issues, that turned out to be the last vacation he ever had, and we had a great time. I'd hate to have missed that week with him.
A Special Treat
Nine years ago stumbling to the pita shop after the bars closed with my friends, I drunkenly ordered a falafel pita instead of my usual. Blew my mind and changed my life.
The Carpool....
Not to carpool with my homie after a huge mansion party, where we all got drunk. I had done it before but got some smart impulse not to this time. After I took an uber and got home to sleep, I woke up from my alcohol induced sleep and found out from his mom, that he ended up flipping the car into a canyon, the roof caved, he broke his neck, and ended up with (what luckily turned out to be) temporary paralysis. As thankful as I am that he's well and walking now, and just as functional a person as he once was, I'm glad I didn't take the car ride with him.
Cookies....
I wrote "get with the cookie delivery guy" as my entry on the "Goals for Spring Semester" list we posted on the wall in my college apartment. Then we invited the cookie delivery guy up for a party.
That was almost eight years ago. We got married last October.
Adoption
A friend and I were very drunk and I was talking about how I wanted to get a dog. I've had them my whole life but never one of my own. We browsed the local shelter's website and I found one that looked and sounded perfect.
The next morning, we went to the shelter. We were both super hungover, so much so that my friend threw up in the corner of their outdoor area.
I met my future dog, played with him a bit and told them I would be back the next day to take him home. And if I'm being honest, I was in that half drunk/half hungover phase.
I went back the next day and picked him up. My friends kept asking if I was rushing into it and I just brushed them off.
7 years later, we've moved 5 times, including across the country, and he's been my best friend the entire time. He's been the one constant in my life since I got him.
Although I personally regret nothing, PLEASE do not get a dog on a (drunken or sober) whim unless you are 100% dedicated.
Leaves it here....
Decided that maple leaves look like little hands and proceeded to high five every tree I saw. Happiest night ever. Still high five cute leaves sometimes and give myself a good chuckle (Always wondered when I'd stop being a lurker and finally be compelled to comment. This is apparently it.)
21...
When I was 21 I was quite the alcoholic and I had started using drugs quite frequently. It started to develop into an addiction as I was doing it alone at my house on a daily basis.
One day I was drinking alone at home and went to the gas station to pick up some smokes. On the way back, a high school friend of mine was walking his dog, and I picked him up.
He wanted to smoke and so we went back to my place. He started talking about how he just got out of rehab and was telling me about how bad addiction was, all of the signs, etc. He had no clue I was usingg.
I very emotionally opened up to him and ended up throwing it into the trash. Haven't touched the crap since. To this day the decision to go to the gas station to buy cigarettes when I was drunk was the best one I have ever made.
Happy Endings
At the end of the night I asked out a girl from our work group who I thought I would never have a chance with.
That was almost 3 years ago and we just got married last month.
Mascots
I bought a mascot sized Pikachu costume from China. Didn't even realize until a few weeks later when I started getting angry emails in Chinese chasing me for payment. It's quite fun though, I tend to dress it in other costumes and take it to conventions. Here's me attending UK Comic Con as Pikachu Thor.
EDIT: forgot about this. Here's an interview I did with a lovely person about it all. Skip to 7:20.
Thanks Me....
An Amazon box was delivered to me with a SNES classic. Had so much fun with it. No memory of ordering it. When I checked my email it was ordered at like 3am on a Saturday. Thanks drunk me, I finally got to play through Super Metroid.
Damn You Bacardi!!!
Hosted a massive college house party and I was extremely intoxicated and made the decision to steal my roommates Bacardi O and mix with orange juice (definitely should have stopped at this point). I don't remember much, but I remember pouring about a shot of orange juice and filling the tall glass with rum until it became clear. I woke up the next morning next to the very large empty Bacardi bottle and feeling wonderful - however remorseful that I stole from my best friend.
I profusely apologized that evening (when friend finally recovered) and committed to replacing said bottle - but he broke out into a uncontrollable laughter (to the extent it caused him to dry heave). The bottle was destined to join our many decorative liquor bottles and had been filled with water accordingly. I never lived down my night of binge drinking Bacardi H2O!
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It's another ordinary day in America.
So of course that means we've already had a mass shooting or two before brunch.
And aside from the mass shootings, the number of single gunshot wounds or deaths is too high to count.
So let's discuss the aftermath.
Let's hear from the people who have faced the barrel of a loaded gun, or were just a casualty going about their day.
What happens after the bullet lands?
***CAUTION - SENSITIVE MATERIAL AHEAD - TRIGGER WARNING***
Redditor notaninterestingacc wanted to hear from the people who have lived the nightmare. They asked:
"Gunshot survivors of Reddit - What does it feel like to get shot?"
Guns are not a joke. Please educate yourself before you purchase.
Then the pin hit...
"I took a 7.62 to the stomach in Afghanistan. Felt like somebody had smacked with like, I dunno, a flyswatter or something. A short sharp smack. Didn’t feel much until I tried to come out of cover and I just... couldn’t. Couldn’t make my body listen to me. Then the pain hit. I’d put it at like, I dunno, an 11/10. Bullet blew off half my liver."
eyeCinfinitee
Thank you EMS...
"Chest, .357 magnum, through sternum, lung, ricochet off of rib, through scapula. Still have half under my shouldblade. Felt like I was stabbed in the chest with a hot fire poker mounted to the bottom of someone's foot when they drop kicked me. Was not expected to survive (severe blood loss), of course. Very good EMS team kept the liquids where they were supposed to and great doctors and nurses kept me going."
mndyerf**kinbusiness
Knocked Back
"I didn't really feel either of mine until about 10 minutes later. Took a grazing shot off my left arm and one in the right hip that went out my back thankfully missing my kidney. The arm felt like a bee sting the hip knocked me back a step the adrenalin at the time masked the pain."
richwith9
The Masked Men
"I was shot during a home robbery. I’m probably one of The luckiest people alive. The bullet no joke scratched my cheek and then went through the top of my ear and also a bullet grazed my wrist and opened it up. I didn’t feel anything but just liquid running down my face and my wrist was burning."
"Scariest night of my life and RIP Christian. Miss you so much buddy. Here is proof. We... https://www.chron.com/neighborhood/katy/crime-courts/article/Man-charged-in-attempted-burglary-apartment-6236325.php Authorities said Burke and Brandon Fries, 21, fought the suspects for their guns, which were fired during the struggle."
"The two masked men fled, and investigators initially did not have any information about which direction they went or whether they escaped from the scene by car. Both Burke and Fries had been shot and were transported to Hermann Memorial Hospital in Katy. Burke was pronounced dead upon arrival at the emergency room, less than four miles away.”
Brandonfries28
Like a Rock
"I got shot in the ankle when I was 10. Honestly I thought a rock hit me. Just a slight stinging feeling. Didn't really hurt, I even kept running with my bike. Later at the hospital was a different story. The doctor tried to remove the bullet without putting me under."
"He said the pain medicine would make me forget everything. He gave up after a few minutes of hell. And, whatever he gave me didn't work as described, but it did oddly make everyone look purple from what I remember. So maybe it half worked? lol."
adamchilders
People really? How in the world do y'all get firearms?
Fleshed Off...
"Right thigh, 9mm, grazing shot across the front of the leg about 4 inches above the knee. It plowed a channel of skin and some flesh off the front. It felt searing hot like someone had laid a hot piece of metal on my leg for a second. Then, the pain went away for a while until the adrenaline wore off. It honestly hurt worse 6 hours later than it did when it happened."
morgen_benner
A slight pinch...
"I was randomly shot while walking down the street with my girlfriend in 2013. I didn't fall to the ground or anything like that. Walked into a store and told them to call the cops. It didn't hurt too bad at first. A slight pinch. The heat builds up and the pain comes in. Some throbbing as the blood pumps out. I was extremely lucky as the bullet lodged between my lower right ribs in the back just above my kidney."
"The aftermath was a really achey back. What I remember most was how everyone around me except for my girlfriend just walked around us like nothing happened. I was suffering and potentially dying and everyone just ignored it. 'Not my problem' I suppose. I lost a lot of faith in people that day."
SoggyPastaPants
Not the Head
"I accidentally discharged my 9 and I was hit in the head. While it was going on I honestly did not feel any pain but everything slowed way down. Healing and recooperating was the hardest. My mouth and jaw was wired shut for several months. Had to have complete facial reconstruction surgery."
"Had to take a piece of bone from my skull and graph it to my nose just so I could have a nose. I also had to have a feeding tube for almost a whole year. I've recovered fully and I'm very lucky. I remember mostly everything. Something's from the incident I don't remember, but for the most part, I have my memories in tact."
No-Kick1632
It Burns...
"My gf was shot, not me, but she said it felt hot and like impact but not particularly painful until much later. She was in shock and went to the hospital, after hours she said it started to hurt."
DntShadowBanMeDaddy
"This was my response too. It feels incredibly hot. It's like getting hit with a bee that's on fire. It burns like hell. But then, and only later, does is f**king hurt. The part two is that you might think you understand pressure, but get shot. It doesn't just hurt, it mashes into you."
trebuchetfight
Ricochet
"A good friend of mine got hit with a ricochet from a 9mm that hit his calf, there was drive by about a block down. He was outside of the bar smoking a cig when it happened, ran inside and felt his leg burning but decided to keep drinking. He had about 3 more drinks before someone mentioned he was bleeding… went to the ER absolutely hammered and was fine after surgery."
PM_Me_UrRightNipple
Please stay sober when handling a weapon. Please be careful in general.
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It's never attractive to gloat.
Nor does superiority ever come off as a particularly attractive attribute.
But, consciously or not, some people speak or behave in a way that immediately suggests that they think they deserve to be treated differently, i.e better than others.
Or that they believe they simply are better than other people.
A recent Redditor was curious what sort of behavior struck other people as elitist or arrogant behavior by asking:
"What screams "I am entitled"?"
Where's the fire?
"Impatience in situations where it should be just universally understood that you need patience".- c7hu1hu.
Positions of power.
"I will have you fired!"- Vergo27.
"Generally just leaving something for someone else to deal with."- Splatty_boi_420.
Sorry, but I was here first.
"People who cut in line."- Chad_Farthousse.
"People who ignore lines and cut in the front, like their time is more important than every other person patiently queueing."- ofsquire.
No one loves a tattletale.
“I’ll call my dad and tell him what you did!”- ROAM300.
Ever heard of quid pro quo?
"When they do something to you and think it’s fine but when you do it in return and they freak out."- Silvero129.
Name your price.
"I work as a ticket seller for a ski resort."
"My favorite entitled person is the guy who, upon finding out that the kid's ski lesson was sold out, offered to pay extra if I would kick someone else's kid out so his kid could have a spot."- Floranagirl.
Perhaps one of the most obvious ways to unwittingly show off your entitlement?
By being oblivious to how entitled you are.
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There's something about the woods that creeps me out. Listen here, people: I'm a city guy. The idea of getting lost out there freaks me out. No thank you. I wasn't made for that. The rest of you who like to go camping and stuff? You do you. I'll stick with my running water.
But maybe I've seen too many horror movies. After all, if I saw some creepy stuff in the woods I'd definitely run in the other direction. And so would you, right? Right?
People shared their best stories with us after Redditor shantics asked the online community,
"What have you seen in the woods that you can’t explain?"
"I stepped on what I thought was a small rock but it turned out to be weird and gelatinous. I've also seen tombstones in the woods."
his_eminence56
You just suprised it. Rocks are soft and squishy, they just tense up when you touch them! /s
"I was hiking through the remnants..."
"I was hiking through the remnants of a remote, long-abandoned town and the surrounding area. To get to as far into the woods as I was, you had to cross fallen trees over a creek three times. I had just crossed the third "bridge" and was about five miles in and something blue caught my eye just ahead of me."
"There was a man, in his sixties at least, wearing blue satin pajamas, sitting in a tree. The closer I got to him the louder he laughed; it wasn't a maniacal laugh, but it set off all the alarms in my head nevertheless. He also wasn't wearing any shoes and looked well-groomed/cleaned."
"I gave him a friendly nod as I passed and he just kept laughing. Then it stopped. I turned and he was gone. There was no branch cracking, plants rustling, nothing... He was just gone."
"Still rubs me the wrong way. The area I was in was a pretty rough hike, very secluded. Not very many people venture as deep as I was that day. No idea what was going on there."
mrwitch
“Over the Third Bridge” would be a great title for a spooky book or movie.
"Neat as a pin..."
"Fully decorated Xmas tree. Middle of summer. Neat as a pin it was, as if it had just been finished. Who ever did it came back at some point and cleaned it up, because it wasn't there next I did that trail a week or so later."
OldWomanintheWoods
This one’s not that uncommon actually. Lots of folks will decorate a tree in remembrance of someone out in the woods. Sucks when they don’t clean them up though.
"It's an interesting..."
"In Japan. A hotel was abandoned before it was ever finished being built. It only became a cement skeleton, about 5 stories high. It was left that way to eventually mold back into the forest around it."
It’s an interesting small building to explore. There are halls that are unlevel to the point of hitting your head on the ceiling (think: Willy Wonka)."
"There are stairwells that lead to nothing and one that leads to an unintentional hole in a cement wall. And on the top floor (but “inside” - as in, under the “roof”), is an old car - all smashed up - with seemingly no reason or method to have been up there."
[deleted]
This reminds me of those old abandoned amusement parks that pretty much exist to destroy me mentally.
"I once walked..."
"I once walked through the undergrowth (i.e. off the trail) with my then-girlfriend when we came across this spot where a few empty plastic bags were lying on the ground (strange because the woods are otherwise super clean), a pair of gloves and, most confusingly, the official ID card (= passport) of a young woman."
Minister_of_Joy
I would freak out and call the cops. That sounds like a murder scene.
"Many plastic bags..."
"Many plastic bags with nothing really in them but random odd things tied to trees. Sure, it could have been a homeless person but us kids att (like 12+) of us lived in those small woods behind the church every single day. We never saw anyone like that, ever. Passing through I guess, but why so many bags...still wonder."
WiseOwlBear
Do we want to know what was in them? Probably not.
"When I was a teenager..."
"When I was a teenager, I worked at a fireworks stand that was run by my friend's family. It was in a rural area: they owned a few acres of land, had the fireworks tent at the front of the property and the house towards the back, but no lights in between. My friend's mother would prepare dinner for all the workers and we'd take turns going back to the house for dinner."
"One night, I was going to the house for dinner by myself. I felt something on my arm. I thought a bug might have landed on me, but it was really dark so I couldn't see anything. I stopped walking for a second. Then I started hearing this low, raspy breathing right next to me."
"There weren't any people around me and it didn't sound anything like a bug. It was like a slow, asthmatic wheeze."
"I started getting really freaked out. I reached my hand down to my arm and felt... something larger than I expected. I furiously rubbed my hands all across my body to try and dislodge whatever this thing was, then ran as fast as I could to the house. When I finally got to the safety of the house, I could see a small red mark on my arm, but that was it."
"To this day, it's probably the most freaked out I've ever been."
[deleted]
Chills reading this! Nooo thank you!
"Several very large holes..."
"Really big holes. Several very large holes, fairly close to each other, that seem to serve no purpose. Ten feet wide, deep enough that if you jumped in you’d have to have help getting out. Was someone preparing to bury a bunch of people? Was someone punishing their kid by making them dig holes? Did they hear there was buried treasure out there?"
"We’ve never figured it out."
theyarnilama
How far apart? How neat were the holes? In a plantation or natural wood? Accessible by a small excavator?
"I once saw a huge pile of cat and dog skulls and bones about 100m from my cabin so we sold the cabin as soon as we could. It was creepy."
[deleted]
This definitely sounds like the beginning of a horror film. Did the ghosts follow you? Please report back.
"There's a small patch..."
"There's a small patch of woods where I live. You could walk across it in less than an hour. It's entirely safe and has marked trails. People somehow manage to get lost in there and I can't explain that."
ThadisJones
Did they stumble across the bounds of time and space? That might explain it. But you might be underestimating how many people lack a sense of direction.
None of this makes you want to go out into the woods, huh? Yeah, we thought so. We'll pass the next time we get an offer to go camping somewhere.
Have some stories of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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We're all not geniuses.
Everybody has varying degrees of knowledge and brain power.
And that is ok.
Though some of us are really lacking in any sense and every once and awhile people like to sugarcoat that fact when they call us out.
"Bless your heart."
That's a big one in the South. Means... "I like you, but Lord are you missing marbles."
Redditor MrMadJoker wanted to know the most creative ways to describe people who lack a few IQ points.
They asked:
"What's your favorite euphemism for a dumb person?"
"You're missing a few pieces of the puzzle."
Said to me from my Geometry teacher. Now I know what he meant.
And... he was right.
Cents
"I could give them a penny for their thoughts and I'd get change back."
hopefulsite126
The Cells
"He's got 2 brain cells left, and they're fighting for 3rd place."
Striking_Yoghurt_690
"One more neuron and he'd have a synapse."
Bad Wheel
"The wheel is spinning but the hamster's dead."
ofsquire
"My old english teacher used to say 'I can smell the hamster burning.'"
cardew-vascular
"Bruh how u gonna do hamsters like that. Im dead 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣"
Mulberry0
YOU
"You're the reason we have warning labels."
ofsquire
"My bosses comment about my non-too bright coworker 'you can’t get mad at her- she’s the reason shampoo has directions and she probably still f**ked it up…'”
Smoopiebear
"You see? Because of me, they have a warning label."
WantToBeBetterAtSex
Ok... some of this is some good comedy.
Or Puppet...
"I'm an American, but I love when British folks call people Muppets. For a long time Europe has led the way in insult innovation, and I think it's time we caught up."
JonSnow31391
Vanilla?
"Less useful than a chocolate teapot."
Pokeybumfun
"My Physics teacher used to say 'more pointless than a chocolate fireguard' whenever we had pencils that were too blunt for graph drawing hahaha."
ElegantEagle13
"German version of that is 'dumber than a piece of bread.'"
00192737292
I Like Turkey
"Shouldn't be left in charge of a ham sandwich."
accomplished_loaf
"I had a college professor who had met Gaddafi (God have mercy on him), the late dictator of Libya, and his impression was 'it would've been a shame to put that lunatic in charge of 10 chickens.'"
thefuzzybunny1
"Lol... for some reason this reminds me of Gordon Ramsay saying on Kitchen Nightmares that he wouldn’t trust a guy to run his bath, let alone his restaurant 😅."
thxitsthedepression
No Top Floor
"Your elevator doesn't go to the top floor. You're as sharp as a marble. You'd be stuck for an answer at hello (that's from Classy Freddie Blassie you pencil necked geeks)."
ferox965
"People tell me my elevator doesn't go the whole way to the top floor but I don't even HAVE an elevator."
"People tell me that too! We should go buy one~"
one_angry_custodian
Space
"My grandpa says: 'A lot of space between them ears.' Which is my absolute favorite, because a lot of people don't get it at first and just enforces the meaning."
Blobfish_Blues
Not all of us are going to break IQ records. That's ok. But these descriptions are funny.
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