Small towns - everyone knows everyone, and every little thing that happens is a big deal. Like retiming traffic lights, or getting a Wendy's. Or - when in a town of 50, someone buys a Ferrari. Can you even declare?
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
*Looks at neighbors suspiciously*
A house is going up for sale and we are all trying to predict who will buy it.
Every village has one.
We have a phantom dog-sh*t-leaving bandit around the village, appeals to name and shame the perpetrator gets requested in the village newsletter every month. Even offering a measly cash reward.
Town of 762 people, 0 stop lights, kids from town go to school in a small city about 20 miles away. Bus driver lives in town and in years past she would drive to the bus depot in the city at beginning of the year, pick up the bus, come back to town to get children, deliver them to school, drive the bus back home (with permission), go back in the afternoon to pick up children, deliver them to homes, and then park the bus at her house. This practice saved her the cost of driving to and from town every school day to get/return the bus, and saved the school district the cost of her driving an empty bus to town and back every day as well.
Everyone was happy about the situation until someone on the city council decided that the fairly new, well taken care of bus being parked in her driveway was lowering the value of his home down the street. Disguised as an effort to stop people from living in RV's parked in driveways and backyards, he rushed through a Large Vehicle Ordinance that forbid the parking of such vehicles at homes inside city limits.
The resulting uproar created a mushroom cloud.
It's their own Mr. Burns.
There are 50 people in my town. Biggest new is that someone saw a Ferrari at the gas station the other day.
Save the turtles.
Local fall festival features turtle races. Local box turtles are very specific to their small area and don't thrive when removed from that area. Rebels want turtle races replaced with something that isn't slow turtle murder.
Festival organizers are aghast at the suggestion to change a cherished tradition.
Turtle vote has not been requested.
A section of the main road (cleverly named Main Street) is closed off for construction, leading many cars to cut through our quiet neighborhood looking for a detour. Neighbors were angry about the "unfamiliar speeding cars" so they had HOA put comically large signs on 2x4's in the middle of the road at entrances of our neighborhood saying no thru traffic permitted. They were recently stolen overnight and everyone is LOSING THEIR MINDS. You'd think there is a serial killer on the loose. They called the state police and then put out new signs that are even bigger.
Girl from HS is pregnant with her third kid when she lost custody of her other two- she's due this week and posts every detail about her life on FB so the town is excited to see what new drama comes up.
Local news is a gem.
Big news from the last week: the farmer's market is reducing the number of hours it is open each week (since it's getting colder), there is a car show coming up, and they re-timed a couple of traffic lights.
Meth, fentanyl, rumors of carfentanyl, we had a parade to celebrate our towns anniversary, and there's rumors of a Lamborghini being in town, so everyone is stoked for that.
The same person is gonna run both.
We're getting a Wendy's and Pizza Hut so that's pretty exciting because I love both of them and I'll be glad when I won't have to drive 30 mins to the nearest one.