People In Arranged Marriages Reveal What It's Really Like On The Inside

I DO. I DO. I GUESS.

Love is all around. Love is all you need. Love... will keep us together. Damn you love! Love, the elusive elixir for life. We all hope for it in anyway. We all want to meet through fate and kismet. But sometimes you can be thrown together with someone and witness... MAGIC! Sometimes others who know us can find the person we need most.

Redditor valolagena1 inquired about what it's like when love is found for you. Maybe matchmaking IS the way? Who needs the internet!

EVERYBODY HURTS... SOMETIMES.

Parents have had one and they love each other so, I guess all is good.

But they had a fight a few hours ago. It'll all blow over by next week.

LIFE AIN'T PERFECT! SURPRISE!!!

A family friend of ours had an arranged marriage, he hates his wife. i don't know her personally, so i don't know both sides of the story but from what he's told us she's very overbearing. i couldn't imagine being married to someone i can't stand.

DEFINE "HAPPY."

My parents had an arranged marriage. It's been 20 years since they've been married, and I've made some observations.

My dad is very energetic and can't sit around the house and do nothing. My mom is the complete opposite. I can tell my dad get frustrated when my mom doesn't want to do something or go out or whatnot. I feel like this causes a lot of arguments in the house, they're just not similar in that way. If it was something smaller, everything would be fine. But when it's something like how you carry on your day to day life, it makes it very hard.

I can tell both of my parents aren't as happy as they could be. Granted, is anybody 100% happy?

SOMETIMES LOVE SURPRISES YOU!

I have a friend whose parents had an arranged marriage. After 20 years they're still together and actually like each other as far as I know so clearly something went right.

KEEP TRYING. LOVE AIN'T EASY.

A family friend met my husband and learned that he was visiting our country to look for a wife (both of us grew up in the US but I had moved to our original country when I was 20). Our friend told him about me and we met a few times and I really loved his personality, he's an amazing guy and a very great dad that goes above and beyond for our kids. I don't know if I can say I love him but I like him a lot and I care about and appreciate him. There are some things that annoy about him and I think if I had met him on my own and knew about them I would of probably never married him. Things like how cheap his family is and how his father tries to interfere in our lives sometimes especially when it comes to money "you are spending my sons hard earned money to go visit your brother? Why can't he pay for that why does my son have to struggle so you can go see your brother, tell him to come instead!" To the point where now we hide everything we do so we don't hear his comments. Another thing is his family is very old fashioned, they believe that woman should stay at home to take care of the kids and husband while the husband lives his life, it's obviously not the case in my family. I started working a few months ago and his father throws his opinion on me working occasionally especially that we had to put one of our 2 kids in daycare. My husband has some faults too and so do I but I am honestly glad I met him. He has a fun personality and is not like his family. He is for woman power and pushed me to go back to college and get a degree, he wants me to have a good enjoyable life.

I LOVE FRIENDS!

The people I know in an arranged marriage have a stable relationship, not particularly happy or sad. They seem more like friends.

:( DAMN.

Child of arranged marriage. It is probably the single reason why I am socially, emotionally, and physically screwed.

They have hated each other since before they were married. The have had violent, and I mean violent fights. My fondest memories of my parents is them trying to kill each other. There are more days of my life where they are fighting and arguing then days they're are not.

Basically, it's like growing up in a war zone.

SO-SO WORKS.

Parents had arranged marriage. Not bad.

LUCK OF THE LOVE DRAW.

I have arranged marriage and we couldn't be happier. We are best friends and very much in love. Everyone in my extended family has arranged marriages and all are happy.

LOVE WILL FIND A WAY. WHEN IT'S MEANT TO BE.

Been arranged married 5 years now. Have a 1 year old son. Life is good. We have our disagreements, especially when it comes to taking care of our son.

But we realized early on that respecting each other's opinion and communicating clearly without getting offended or without bringing ego into the picture is critical, so any argument is closed before we leave the room.

My wife is very good about money - doesn't spend unnecessarily and was very supportive of me last 3 years when my salary was very less and I could not afford many holiday trips or expensive purchases. This year I bought her a birthday gift of Christian Louboutins, so she was happy.

Life is give and take.

LOVE IS WORK. BOO!!

My parents had an arranged marriage. They have been together for going on 30 years now.

Much of the current western ideals of marriage center around the belief that you "fall" in love and that love is something you find. Some cultures with arranged marriages tend towards the idea that if you're compatible on a base level, love can be something you grow and nourish together.

I think my parents have had to work a bit harder at their marriage than some others, but at the end of the day, they're a solid team.

USE A LITTLE ELBOW GREASE.

A friend of mine has an arranged marriage. The first couple years were very rocky for them, a lot of bitterness towards parents for the arrangement. But it's been some time, and they went from absolutely hating each other, to tolerating, to being friends, and now, love is in the air. But to say it wasn't easy is perhaps the understatement of the year. They still fight often, but they're willing to make it work and they put in the effort for the other person.

SLOW AND STEADY WINS THE RACE.

No marriages are perfect. As an Indian, I've seen both sides, the older generation my parents, uncles, aunts (all arranged marriages) have lived as happily as anyone could possibly be in a marriage for over 30+ years. As well as another uncle who's first arranged marriage failed after 8 years, but his second arranged marriage is going strong at about 15 years now. I have seen arrange marriages amongst my friends fail between 3months-2 years and one's that have prospered for 9 years. I have seen "love" marriages as referred to by us Indians prosper and fail the same way. I believe if arranged marriages are done right, parents introduce the couple. The couple take their time to get to know each other, about a year of dating, a year engaged and get married the following year (which by the way is how most arranged marriages work in India these days - at least in the urban areas), it works fine.

HOORAY!!

My parents are one of the happiest couple on earth despite they had an arranged marriage.

THE KIDS ARE GONE.... MOVE ON.

One of my coworkers has an arranged marriage. He admitted to me over drinks him and his wife have never liked each other. The only time they speak is when the kids come to visit.

FINGERS CROSSED!!

Very good so far. We were engaged for a year before we get married though - enough time to escape if he was a horrible person. We love each other, plan our future together, etc. etc. just like other couples.

PERFECT AIN'T REALLY! PATIENCE IS...

One of my good friends had an arranged marriage. Good down to earth guy, had decent job, pretty traditional/conservative, and involved in a lot of community service stuff. Turned 30 and his dad got tired of waiting and so set something up. Few months later and he was married.

He just had his 3rd kid. My only problem is his wife is really quiet and kind of seclusive, so I haven't hung out with him for a few years outside of small talk on social media, but I'm still happy for him.

IT'S A NEW DAY FOR THE KIDS TODAY.

Many of my older relatives have had arranged or semi-arranged marriages. From what I can see, they tend to work out better than love marriages. However, the caveat is that the parents need to involve their kids in the arrangement process rather than doing it themselves.

IT'S ALL A ROLL OF THE DICE... ARRANGED OR NOT. YES/NO?

My parents had an arranged marriage of the more traditional sort (they knew each other for only a couple days before they got engaged, got married ~6months later). Going on 35 years of marriage and they're still absolutely nuts about each other. They fight sometimes, but they truly respect each other and have each others' back. It wasn't always like that of course, but they basically grew up together and learned to make things work and prioritize each other and their kids over their own parents and extended families (not easy in traditional Indian families).

My siblings also had arranged marriages, ranging from being together <1yr before marriage like my parents had but with free choice to turn down the other person (my sister turned down 10-12 guys and dated around a bit before meeting her now-husband when single and deciding to just go for it), to arranged-love marriages where the parents were like "oh this would be a great idea" and then they were together around 2.5y (incl engagement) before marriage. They are also genuinely happy and committed to their respective partners.

I think what it boils down to is respect and choice. Arranged marriages work when you have the choice to say no and turn the other person down, then you know that you're in it cos you want to and not cos you have to. Respect is also important - understanding that your husband/wife is your partner for life and you have to respect that they are their own person. Honesty is also very important - you have to be truthful and lay everything on the line before getting married.

Personally I am not married or even engaged, but I don't have anything against arranged marriages. I am in a relationship currently, and if things work out and we get married I'll be happy, but if they don't and I end up in an arranged marriage situation I'll be happy too because I won't let myself settle.

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