People Imagine Which Kinds of Questions Would Be On A Parenting Test
It's a discussion many of ust might have had. "Why isn't there some kind of test to see who can be a parent?" Or maybe, "We have tests to see who can drive cars, so why not one to see who can make a person?" All valid questions, but intil the government evolves to the horrific point of being able to put a car boot on reproductive parts, it seems those unfit to have children will continue to do so. Still, it's fun to dream, as many people on Reddit found when they answered user, r/ALLCAPSMANIAC's question:
If people had to pass an exam in order to get a license to have children, what would some of the questions on the test be?
"Do you want kids?" Should probably be on there.
It would be followed by "why?" at least 30 times.
Think Of The Dolla' Bills
How are you going to provide for your child financially?
There is never enough love or money.
Is That Spelled "-ee" Or "-ie"?
What's the spelling of your future baby's name?
"your answer must include multiple Y's"
Who's The Big Dog?
If your child doesn't like something important like sitting still sometimes, riding in a shopping cart, using a car seat, eating healthy foods - does that mean they never have to do it?
Or more generally:
Who is in charge?
B) The baby
A Series Of "What Are Your Intentions?"
Are you having a child purely because you feel you have to?
Are you having a child just to see what you and your SO would produce?
Are you having a child purely to have a girl to dress up or boy to carry on your family name?
Would you throw your child out of the house for being gay?
If you die, who is to receive the child into their custody?
Are you hoping to use this child to keep a man or trap a woman into your life?
Real Chest Talk
Do you like your t-ts the way they are?
Basically...Where's The Money Going?
You have £10.00 pounds left for the week, and 12 nappies, you can buy 8 1L bottles of Cider/Beer for £5.99 or 2 packets of 15 nappies for £8.00. What do you buy?
Feel free to translate to American if you want.
Start The Vetting Quickly
Do vaccines cause autism?
Answer: Hopefully Not Trip On The Dog!
What will you do when you're sleep deprived and your child won't stop crying?
Don't Be THAT Parent
If you want to see a movie, do you a) get a babysitter, b) wait until you can watch it at home, or c) take the child to the movie theater?
Follow up question: If the child starts crying or being disruptive in the movie theater, do you a) take the kid out until it calms down, b) leave and ask for a ticket refund, c) let it scream for an hour in the theater?
This Is Up For Debate?
Are babies dishwasher safe?
Test for emotional intelligence. Test for the ability to recognize psychological problems. Test to see if they can get through regular adult stuff like filing taxes and changing a tire.
Should be a competent adult at least.
Double Up The Cleaning
How often will you change it's litter box?
What's Your Chill Level?
What's your level of patience and self control / self discipline when you have been sleep deprived for 6 straight weeks?
Why Did You Come Back? Get Out!
When your baby is crying, do you...
A) Give him/her a joint, they are obviously stressed.
B) Shake until crying stops.
C) Start crying so he/she has a good example of a proper breakdown.
D) All of the above.
Well? What Would You Do?
I'd ask what they would do if their child is LGBT.
So often I think strains in the parent child relationship are a result of parents expecting their kids to be like them and to have the same interests and values as them, but we should realize they are individuals and we can guide them toward a universal right and wrong as best we can but not force agendas on them and not let differences get in the way of a loving, supportive relationship.
Be Ready For Them Terrible 2's
Question 1: Are you ready for the toddler stage?
Question 2: Why?
Question 3: Why?
Question 4: Why?
Question 5: How many rebuttals can you come up with in 5 minutes to the word "no"? You must use complete sentences and remain calm.
But, Like, That's How This All Started, Right?
What causes pregnancy?
You'd be surprised with how many people would get that wrong.
Leave Open A Lot Of Room For Elaboration
As a teacher I really prefer constructed response type tests. Performance events, if you will.
Your toddler has a melt down at Target. She is screaming and flat on her back and is doing that thing that makes her body limp and feel like it weighs 50 lbs and it is impossible to easily scoop her up and leave. If the average caloric intake of an apple sauce squeeze is 50 calories, you've watched every episode of the Boss Baby cartoon series on Netflix five times (ten episodes, 25 minutes each), and pull ups are impossible to pull back up without ripping loose the sides, why is the correct answer give her a baby wipe and she will settle down immediately?
Please provide the proper psychological theories to support your conclusions.
Multiple Choice Speed Round!
What will you do if your child gets sick? What will you give them?
What will you feed your child for lunch on a typical day?
What will you do if your child is misbehaving?
What time will your child go to bed?
What beverages will your child be allowed to have during the day?
When is it ok to leave your child home alone (what age)?
Describe the typical puberty talk that you will give your child/preteen.
Describe the typical sex talk that you will give your preteen/teenager.
Describe how you would talk to your child and teenager about drugs and alcohol.
What will your teenager's curfew (or similar rule) be?
What will you do if your child gets a minor injury like a scrape? What about a major injury?
How will you help your child succeed in school?
What would you do if your child was having mental health issues?
How would you protect your child from bullying?
A for effort. Very important questions. Though I would have answered these questions very differently 20 years ago.
I would have answered them idealisticly and in the true spirit of someone who has no clue what she was in for. I've learned that the plan is: there is no plan. Keep 'em alive, teach them to think for themselves and keep them young for as long as you can.
Anyone who doubted the value a little piece of cardboard could carry should look around the neck of Logan Paul. Pokemon cards are still worth so much!
Not every guilty pleasure will manifest in the coming years as a financially viable interest. They do emerge in a number of ways, through the shows we watch or the music we listen to. There can be a bit of self-imposed resentment over the activities we enjoy. While today's modern internet sensibilities would say "life is short" or "like what you love," when it comes to the matter of money invested, that can bring about a whole other discussion.
Reddit user, u/SAWildDog, wanted to hear what you feel like you should dial back your spending on when they aske:
What is your guilty pleasure that you know you shouldn't spend money on but you do anyways?
Some guilty pleasures shouldn't be frowned upon, as at the end of the expenditure you get to at least walk away with something.
Game After Game After Game...
"Same. I have stacks I have barely played. Some I have never played but I still buy more knowing I probably won't play them either. But Hundle Bundle subscription is so cheap compared to the price you'd pay for that many games. I'm sure I'll find time to play them all. Ohh, look, 12 more games."
"...Keeps play same 3 sandbox games.."
Sending Shiver Down Your Spines
"Halloween decorations. F-ck, any and all horror / spooky stuff I got coffee cups, art, shirts, air fresheners, candles, blankets, that are all horror-related or spooky vibes. I'm just a spooky b-tch and I love it (:"
Just One More Notebook...
"Stationary and art supplies when I already have perfectly usable stuff. Daiso is my favorite store :)"
"When I lived in Japan, I hit Daiso at least once a week. Amazing place."
Some guilty pleasures can feel a little out of left field. An activity not everyone knows about, but one you enjoy regardless.
"plants 🌱 getting better at shopping clearance plants and bringing them back to life rather than buying new tho"
"Same, I like to rescue the cactuses on "death row" that are half dead and marked down for under a dollar. So far, all my rescues have thrived, been repotted a bunch, and some even had little cactus babies!!"
Gambling On A Way Out
"I play lotteries. Not because I think it's fun, but it's the only way I can think of to try and save myself from enduring office work for the rest of my adult life."
Making Your Own Life Sweeter
"Haagen Daaz and or Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream, vanilla. Also Key Lime Pie. Good Lord do I love me some Key Lime Pie."
And then there's these pleasures, which could be considered shameful by some, but remember, it's the age of the internet. Like what you love.
"I have a vast collection of the original 1998 special edition Furbys. I usually spend between $50-$200 on any of the ones I've gotten so far. All I need is 1 more and the collection is finished. wish me luck"
Different Ways To Play The Game
"Dice. I literally just blew $14 on a set of shiny click clack rocks because they had tiny penguins inside the clear plastic."
"Also yes I am in debt. But goddamn will I be the envy of the table when I bust out the penguin dice during D&D this Saturday."
One. More. Set...
"I can concur I definitely don't have the room for my sets yet, but I still keep buying them."
"I was gifted a set that is 3,500+ pieces. It's 8 boxes and I've spent about 6 hours on it so far, I am just getting started on the second box. It's very therapeutic for me actually. I catch up on podcasts, ignore my phone, I really enjoy it."
Remember, enjoy what you like. Just be sure you can afford your bills for the month and take care of those in your life who need it!
Otherwise, go nuts! Buy your Furbies and dice!
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Pretty people have problems, too.
But when you get to look like you've stepped off the cover of Vogue and you've never once bought your own drinks, feeling sympathy is hard to summon.
But being attractive is not everything. Physical attributes still don't make life perfect. Which is why I'm skipping the gym today.
It is good to know though, that even people gifted with physical perfection can still be as unsure about life, just like the rest of us average looking gnomes.
Redditor u/pauseitron_ wanted to know how life can be not so perfect for those picture perfect types, by asking:
People who're considered physically attractive, what are some of the things that you feel insecure about?
Insecurity is a horrible affliction. It holds us all back from fulfilling our greatest potentials and nobody is immune. We often feel like we're the only ones walking about with these issues but we're not.
if only...Jimmy Fallon Lol GIF by The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy FallonGiphy
"I'm short. As a 5'5 male compliments are nearly always followed up with something along the lines of "if only you were taller."
"My job and income. (I'm a receptionist)."
"You're not alone. I wouldn't consider myself really attractive, pretty average. However, I have trouble feeling confident with people I believe are in the same attractiveness range as me because so many of my peers have achieved "status" and I'm still not there."
It all Matters
"Whether I mean as much to the people who mean so much to me. I took a friend out for dinner for his birthday recently and he said something that made me realize he was having as good a time as I was. It made me tear up for a second, remembering that the people I love also love me."
"They want to be included by me as much as I do by them. Sometimes this thought process has led me to treat people I love as an afterthought because I didn't think it would matter to them. But it did. I do."
"I'm considered "physically attractive" from the neck down, which is fair, I agree. So, my face is what I'm insecure about."
"Bruh some guy once came up to me and said "me and 'guy group' rated all girls in our year from 0-10 (yes they actually gave someone a zero), wanna know your score?" after unpolitely declining he went ahead anyway and said "your body is an 8 but your face is pulling you down"... Well... Tf am I supposed to say to that?"
Anxietykermit worry GIFGiphy
"I worry about how I look without clothes, my personality flaws, and my income (guy btw)."
How can the flawless feel so many flaws? I wonder how many are in therapy. I worry about all of those things every day.
"get someone better"GIF by HULUGiphy
"When I was thin and hot, my boyfriend told me he was scared I'd cheat on him because I could "get someone better." He ended up cheating on me, saying he couldn't take the pressure. I worry about that still. Even though I'm single I have a hard time trusting someone's loyalty."
is it me?
"I was considered quite attractive in my 20s and never had much trouble meeting guys. But I had real trouble keeping boyfriends. I was told more than once that I was boring. I'm quiet and a huge introvert and am perfectly happy spending a day reading or watching movies. But I guess that wasn't fun for the men I liked. So as a result I was, and still am quite insecure about my personality."
"Never feel good enough."
"This. No matter how attractive you are there is always someone that looks better. The grass is always greener. I get told I'm attractive and I'll agree to an extent that I'm not ugly but I will never be perfect. I will constantly pick at my flaws no matter how small they are."
"My hips are too square, my teeth are yellow and crooked, my boobs aren't perky enough, my butt isn't fat enough, my lips aren't big enough, my eyes aren't perfectly equal... that's just scraping the surface. People I love and want to have loved me will tell me they think I'm beautiful and I won't believe them. Like it's a lie. I'll get mad sometimes when my boyfriend tells me I'm the most beautiful woman in the world."
"He might believe it but it's not true, and it's too much pressure to keep that up. I have wide hips a small waist and big boobs. I'm symmetrical and proportionate but there is no way I can ever compete with the thousands and thousands of Instagram models or pornstars or even beautiful strangers that my partner will be exposed to every day. Why even bother with me?"
"My partner not really loving me."
"Oh that hit home. I have this but I am female, guys will date me for months saying all the things I want to hear and sleep with me, only to then tell me they've found someone else and they're together. I have been told numerous times I was used as an ego boost by guys I generally liked, I'm actually still friends with one. Now I have been single for 7 years (I've had some dates) with huge trust issues, knowing the older I get as a woman the less attractive I become and it's a never-ending cycle."
"How cool I actually am. I'm a good looking guy but I've had a boring life in some capacities."
"When the world shut down last year I found out other people had to give up a lot more fun and exciting plans than I did. That really hit home and I'm working to change it."
No matter who you are, or what you're feeling, you're not alone. There is a life lesson we seem to cross paths with everyday. And now we know those we envy are in the same boat, they're just in a prettier one.
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With so many scams and hoaxes on the rise, we have become wiser in identifying key factors that indicate a scam.
Curious to hear from strangers online, Redditor Iapoties asked:
"What screams: 'This is a scam?'"
Do the following sound familiar?
"I had a bank text me on a local phone number that my bank card was going to expire. Not only was it a big red flag for me that it was a local number, but most of all that it was the wrong bank."
Cost Of A Job
"Any 'job offer' where they ask you to pay them for something."
"The worst is when it's a good offer, you take it, THEN they are like oh btw in 2 weeks you have a mandatory training that costs $500 we just garnish it from your first 4-5 checks so nbd."
'Accidental' Pay Check
"Someone 'accidentally' paying you too much by cheque, and asks you to pay them, or others, back in cash."
"you know that cheque is gonna bounce."
Looking For A Sugar Baby
"Hello baby. Am Williams Johnson. Am a widow looking for a sugar baby. You will get an allowance of $500 every week: message me on Snapchat or kik. Snapchat: WilliamsJohn Kik: CharlesSmith2"
Some fraudsters think they know you on a first-name basis. They're wrong.
Not Your 'Hun'
"'Hey hun!' from someone you haven't talked to since high school."
Last Name Basis
"I have a great screener for this: I go by my last name socially. So if some random from my past messages me on Facebook with a 'hey FirstName! How are you? Got some exciting stuff to tell you about!' - I know immediately its a trap."
It's a shot in the dark, but most times, a scammer's target is way off.
A Family Member In Trouble
"Someone calling saying your child or grandchild is in jail in another state. Bullsh*t."
Not A Car Owner
"Getting a call saying that a car under my name or that I own may have some problems *I don't have a car*"
"Your Iphone has a virus, click here to fix"
Downloading Server Software
During my first winter in New York City years ago, I bumped into a man whose glasses fell on the snow. When he picked it up, it was severely cracked and the frame was dented.
It. Fell. On. Snow.
This swindler proceeded to berate me for my carelessness and said he would let it slide if I gave him $300. Of course I told him I didn't have that kind of cash on me, to which he responded with: "I'll go to the ATM with you."
I countered, "give me your name, address, and phone number, and I'll be sure to cut you a check for the glasses."
He huffed and puffed and turned his back on me in search of a more gullible victim.
I had yet to see a Broadway show since arriving from LA, but I sure got a heck of a performance that day.
We are all dying to know the juicy secrets behind something as controversial as a non-disclosure agreement. An entire world of information that we don't know--and, as humans are extremely curious creatures, we are simply absolutely on board with learning all of the juicy secrets behind an NDA.
The trouble is, NDAs are used on a lot of things. Sometimes they're just to prevent corporate espionage. Sometimes it's because you've booked a job onboard a major film/tv-series and the creators want to keep it under wraps.
Sometimes it is juicy though, and those times...well. Those are the ones we tell everybody.
"People no longer bound by their NDA, what can you now disclose?"
Here were some of the juiciest answers.
The Cola Warscoca cola GIFGiphy
"Not my own but from a family friend. Coca Cola and Pepsi regularily settle disputes behind closed doors on things like employees trying to quit and join the competitor."
"Their employment contracts have entire clauses stating you cannot be employed by the competing companies even after you quit so to protect company intel and confidentiality."
"For example, a Coca Cola employee feels like he is being mistreated by the company so he quits and tries to work for Pepsi."
"So Pepsi's legal team will inform Coca Cola as soon as they find out and Coca Cola will sue the guy for breach of contract and in return Pepsi will pay them."
"This is done so Pepsi and Coca Cola don't sue each others into bankruptcy for breach of laws regarding industrial competition and market regulations. Basically a peace treaty of sorts."-JazzPhobic
Behind The Mask, Who Are They?
"I was part of the beta testing for DC universe online. I remember a few missions that were voiced probably just by developers, before they hired the voice actors to do it."
"I wish I had saved footage of it but there was one where Supergirl was clearly voiced by a man doing a high-pitched falsetto voice. One of the funniest things I've ever seen."-DrumBxyThing
Hollywood For An Evening
"Not sure if I'm no longer bound or not or how common knowledge it is, but living in NYC I was paid to be a fan at a major red carpet movie premiere for a popular film franchise."
"100% of the people there were paid to act excited as famous actors and a VERY famous director walked out and said hello and did interviews. We were under strict instructions not to let anyone know we were hired."-LearnedToUnicycle
See? We told you--sometimes, it's just corporate America. But sometimes it's test runs of (now well-known or defunct) products:
A Good Idea In Theory
"Cheetos Clean Paws. I worked in market research and Frito-Lay tested these back in 2007, I think. The concept was Cheetos that didn't leave orange dust on your fingers."
"What that translates to is Cheetos with an edible lacquer sprayed on them. But they tested very poorly because they tasted like they had edible lacquer sprayed on them."
"My coworkers and I referred to them as semi-gloss Cheetos."-darkisright
No More Drama
"I signed an NDA for a predominant American show where they take a certain type of business on the brink of failure and 'transform it' to save the business."
"When the producers of the show found out my wife and I both worked there, they tried to fish through our relationship for tv drama."
"When they found out we have a solid relationship, they tried to convince us to fake our drama with scripted conflict. Long story short, we got fed up and quit during shooting. We were cut from the show. Oh well."-unholyXwater
Hollywood Conspiracy Come To Life
"I used to work for a company that tracked ticket sales for theaters across the US. By contractual agreement with Hollywood studios, we collected information for approximately 80% of theaters, but we were not allowed to collect that last 20%. Why?"
"You may have heard of Hollywood accounting. Hollywood studios work very, very hard to ensure their accounting is as beneficial to the studios as possible. No surprise; all businesses do this."
"But Hollywood has unusually high amounts of money in very narrow products, creating a distorted market. And the industry is rife with films grossing obscene amounts of money but not reporting a profit."
"Because our company couldn't collect that last 20% of theater data, it wasn't possible to absolutely say that a movie made X number of dollars."
"So, I can't prove it, but ...On Friday, June 21st, 2002, the movies "Minority Report" and "Lilo and Stitch" were both released to great fanfare."
"This is a lie. Lilo and Stitch earned more money than Minority Report its opening weekend. 20th Century Fox couldn't have a Tom Cruise feature film being beaten by a f**king cartoon."
"So someone at 20th Century Fox called Disney and offered a deal. Since the full amount of money earned couldn't be proven, Fox would announce that Minority Report was the top earner for the weekend. In exchange ..."
"We never knew what the exchange was. We simply knew that Minority Report was reported as the top earner and Disney received some benefit for not saying anything."-OvidPerl
And They Say American Industry's Dead
"Used to work in a warehouse where we made feminine hygiene products. The pads came out of one machine into several different branded boxes. Both the nickel gas station pads and the 10 dollar a box pads."
"Also we had one product of pads where we imported them from china, then repackaged them into our own boxes. I didn't have a problem with that. The problem I had was the box had an emblem saying 'made in America.'"
"Would've been ok if it said assembled in America. But no."-GGATHELMIL
Studio deals, scripted drama, and failed products? What else can fall under an NDA? Let's find out:
"Used to work for Disney. They only used Disney employees for the test screenings of Marvel movies so I got to see Guardians of the Galaxy 2 (already great) and an early version of Doctor Strange that needed A LOT of work."
"When we were giving feedback to the moderator the writers were sitting in the back with their heads in their hands looking very defeated."
"It was a confusing mess but they fleshed out the characters more so it was better by the time it was released. Oh also they used to kill a lot of ducks with pyro at Disney World when they did the IllumiNations show at Epcot. Shhhhh."-meany_beany
Doggos Deserving Better
"Adogo is a doggy daycare in Minnesota that made me sign an NDA for two years saying I was not allowed to talk about the company mainly, sadly, because they treat the workers and dogs like sh*t."
"No care for how many dogs were packed into a room, which is both unsafe for the dogs and the dog attendant. Often I'd be alone in a small room with up to 25+ dogs, most who only had the most minor of behavioral tests done to see if they would play well in daycare."
"Owner also tried to get around not paying my worker's comp when I did get injured on the job, and whenever anybody put in their two weeks after realizing what a toxic work environment it was (which was often) he would punish them with scheduling them all week or make them open to close 12 hours for all their shifts."
"If you're in Minnesota and looking for a reputable dog daycare: STAY AWAY FROM ADOGO. If in the Twin Cities I would recommend Dog Days, not perfect, but they actually seem to care."-Gday613
The Bee Problem
"I used to work in a call center that had Bayer Advanced (yes, THAT Bayer) as a client. Bayer knew/knows full well that their neonicotinoid based pesticide/gardening products killed bees and were responsible for colony collapse."
"We were instructed to bold face deny and/or lie to the customer or caller if we were ever asked about it. We were also instructed to lie about the spray nozzles on the bottles."
"Bayer knew they sucked and were almost always completely DOA defective, but they refused to admit it and decided it was cheaper to just keep mailing replacement nozzles."-wizardswrath00
Everything from a doggy day-care to an evil corporate overlord who knew full well their product was harming the earth can be covered under an NDA. The lack of specificity of what an NDA can be used for, in part, is responsible for this; the other part is the human beings can really be a little scummy.
In the instances where the NDA protects the integrity of a working project, we see the (likely) original intended use. Are you under any NDAs right now? And when they're up, will you go on and spill all those secrets?