People Imagine Which Kinds of Questions Would Be On A Parenting Test
It's a discussion many of ust might have had. "Why isn't there some kind of test to see who can be a parent?" Or maybe, "We have tests to see who can drive cars, so why not one to see who can make a person?" All valid questions, but intil the government evolves to the horrific point of being able to put a car boot on reproductive parts, it seems those unfit to have children will continue to do so. Still, it's fun to dream, as many people on Reddit found when they answered user, r/ALLCAPSMANIAC's question:
If people had to pass an exam in order to get a license to have children, what would some of the questions on the test be?
Start Small...
"Do you want kids?" Should probably be on there.
It would be followed by "why?" at least 30 times.
Think Of The Dolla' Bills
How are you going to provide for your child financially?
...followed by...
There is never enough love or money.
Is That Spelled "-ee" Or "-ie"?
What's the spelling of your future baby's name?
"your answer must include multiple Y's"
Who's The Big Dog?
If your child doesn't like something important like sitting still sometimes, riding in a shopping cart, using a car seat, eating healthy foods - does that mean they never have to do it?
Or more generally:
Who is in charge?
A) You
B) The baby
A Series Of "What Are Your Intentions?"
Are you having a child purely because you feel you have to?
Are you having a child just to see what you and your SO would produce?
Are you having a child purely to have a girl to dress up or boy to carry on your family name?
Would you throw your child out of the house for being gay?
If you die, who is to receive the child into their custody?
Are you hoping to use this child to keep a man or trap a woman into your life?
Basically...Where's The Money Going?
You have £10.00 pounds left for the week, and 12 nappies, you can buy 8 1L bottles of Cider/Beer for £5.99 or 2 packets of 15 nappies for £8.00. What do you buy?
Feel free to translate to American if you want.
Answer: Hopefully Not Trip On The Dog!
What will you do when you're sleep deprived and your child won't stop crying?
Don't Be THAT Parent
If you want to see a movie, do you a) get a babysitter, b) wait until you can watch it at home, or c) take the child to the movie theater?
Follow up question: If the child starts crying or being disruptive in the movie theater, do you a) take the kid out until it calms down, b) leave and ask for a ticket refund, c) let it scream for an hour in the theater?
"At Least"
Test for emotional intelligence. Test for the ability to recognize psychological problems. Test to see if they can get through regular adult stuff like filing taxes and changing a tire.
Should be a competent adult at least.
What's Your Chill Level?
What's your level of patience and self control / self discipline when you have been sleep deprived for 6 straight weeks?
Why Did You Come Back? Get Out!
When your baby is crying, do you...
A) Give him/her a joint, they are obviously stressed.
B) Shake until crying stops.
C) Start crying so he/she has a good example of a proper breakdown.
D) All of the above.
Well? What Would You Do?
I'd ask what they would do if their child is LGBT.
So often I think strains in the parent child relationship are a result of parents expecting their kids to be like them and to have the same interests and values as them, but we should realize they are individuals and we can guide them toward a universal right and wrong as best we can but not force agendas on them and not let differences get in the way of a loving, supportive relationship.
Be Ready For Them Terrible 2's
Question 1: Are you ready for the toddler stage?
Answer:...
Question 2: Why?
Answer: ...
Question 3: Why?
Answer: ...
Question 4: Why?
Answer: ...
Question 5: How many rebuttals can you come up with in 5 minutes to the word "no"? You must use complete sentences and remain calm.
But, Like, That's How This All Started, Right?
What causes pregnancy?
You'd be surprised with how many people would get that wrong.
Leave Open A Lot Of Room For Elaboration
As a teacher I really prefer constructed response type tests. Performance events, if you will.
Your toddler has a melt down at Target. She is screaming and flat on her back and is doing that thing that makes her body limp and feel like it weighs 50 lbs and it is impossible to easily scoop her up and leave. If the average caloric intake of an apple sauce squeeze is 50 calories, you've watched every episode of the Boss Baby cartoon series on Netflix five times (ten episodes, 25 minutes each), and pull ups are impossible to pull back up without ripping loose the sides, why is the correct answer give her a baby wipe and she will settle down immediately?
Please provide the proper psychological theories to support your conclusions.
Multiple Choice Speed Round!
What will you do if your child gets sick? What will you give them?
What will you feed your child for lunch on a typical day?
What will you do if your child is misbehaving?
What time will your child go to bed?
What beverages will your child be allowed to have during the day?
When is it ok to leave your child home alone (what age)?
Describe the typical puberty talk that you will give your child/preteen.
Describe the typical sex talk that you will give your preteen/teenager.
Describe how you would talk to your child and teenager about drugs and alcohol.
What will your teenager's curfew (or similar rule) be?
What will you do if your child gets a minor injury like a scrape? What about a major injury?
How will you help your child succeed in school?
What would you do if your child was having mental health issues?
How would you protect your child from bullying?
A for effort. Very important questions. Though I would have answered these questions very differently 20 years ago.
I would have answered them idealisticly and in the true spirit of someone who has no clue what she was in for. I've learned that the plan is: there is no plan. Keep 'em alive, teach them to think for themselves and keep them young for as long as you can.
H/T: Reddit
Curious to hear about some of the more creepy indiscretions people get away with, Redditor Flytechofficial asked:
"What is perfectly legal, but creepy as hell?"
These things that happen in public restrooms can be considered criminal.
Respecting Splash Zones
"Using the urinal next to me when there were plenty of other choices."
Nightmare For The Pee-Shy
"hanging out in a public bathroom timing how long people pee."
Bad Timing
"I swear to God. I did a lot of work in hospitals for a while, big f'king hospitals with tons of bathrooms all over the place. For some God damned reason, regardless of what time or bathroom I selected to take a sh*t in not 30 seconds after I sat down a janitor would knock on the door to clean the bathroom. It's not as if it was one janitor, just some random janitor would inevitably need to clean whatever bathroom I was in as soon as I got comfy. It's like I was being stalked by the janitors."
"So now I'm trying to take a sh*t knowing full well there's somebody out there actively timing how long it takes."
Looky-Loo
"I was drunk in a casino and went to use the washroom. The floors in there were a polished marble or something. Sitting on the toilet, pants down, my stall neighbour made eye contact with me on the reflective floor tile."
The following examples involving minors have no legal repercussions.
Outside Watchers
"Technically, you can stand on the sidewalk and stare into someone's house through a window. It's not illegal as long as you stay off of their property, but it's really freaking creepy."
Keeping Tabs On Someone's Age
"A national newspaper having a countdown for when a child actress becomes 'legal' for sex."
"Answers to questions that will surely come. ....Yes. The Sun (UK). Emma Watson."
– pdirth
The Young Subjects
"When I was a child, we had a creepy horrible neighbor that would harass my family constantly. One of the things he did was stand at the corner of his yard and videotape me playing in a pool with my friends (we were around 8). My parents called the police but were told that it's legal if he's on his property."
These perfectly harmless examples can give you goosebumps.
Macabre
"Hanging your doll collection from the trees in your yard using string made from human hair."
People's Taste
"I believe the act of cannibalism itself is legal so long as you didn't murder anyone to do it. If your homie gives you his arm to gnaw on, it's fair game."
I recently treated myself by going to a movie theater after what seemed like a long hiatus for much of the year.
Streaming blockbuster movies from home, while convenient, has never made as much of an impact when compared to the moviegoing experience.
But after my recent trip to our local AMC, I'm beginning to think watching entertainment from the comfort of my quiet home is a much better option.
I forgot that a good majority of audience members are disrespectful and pretty much ignore all the rules—including no texting or talking during the movie.
The normal volume conversations and the number of lit screens from people's smartphone's in my peripheral vision throughout the movie were huge distractions.
Maybe as I'm getting older, my patience has worn thin, or I happened to have a particularly unpleasant experience. But seriously, how can anyone enjoy going to the movies when people are constantly updating their status inside a darkened auditorium?
It should illegal. Rant over.
I feel like if there is nothing after life, it just invalidates life. But maybe I'm just dramatic. I hope there is peace. Thoughts?
black and white two funerals GIFTogether...
"When we die, the whole world as seen by us, dies together with us."
"Yes it does. As does the entire universe. Only when we are alive can we experience the passage of time. The instant we die the entire universe will experience heat death and cease to be. It my take a million eons but since we can no longer experience time it will be relatively instantaneous."
- OkEbb749
Thanks Alan
"It's one of the great wonders of life: What will it be like to go to sleep and never wake up? And if you think long enough about that, something will happen to you. You will find out, among other things, that it will pose the next question to you: What was it like to wake up after never having gone to sleep? That was when you were born. You see, you can't have an experience of nothing. Nature abhors a vacuum. ~Alan Watts"
So Romantic...
"When I was much younger, I had a dream where I died. Not a typical dream, not a romanticized dream. It was a dream where I was an archer in a medieval battle. About 5 minutes into the battle, chaos was all around me, and I watched an opposing archer aim and loose an arrow straight into my left eye."
"I remember the sensation of impact, ringing in my ears, and falling to the ground. I remember the warmth of the blood on my face. The feeling of life leaving my body, and the sense of worry evaporating into warmth and peace as the world left behind me."
"I remember waking up shortly after thinking that the feeling and reality of that experience was so vivid and so detailed that it must have been an experience from a previous incarnation hundreds of years ago. From that moment on, I've never feared the actual process of death. I feel like I've experienced it many times before."
Erase
Computer Reaction GIFGiphy"I think one of your best friends delete's your browsing history."
"Take the hard drive out of my computer at home… Put it in the bath… And make sure it's completely wiped. -Tensai Slime"
If you love me... rule number one... HIDE THE EVIDENCE!!! Let that be heard far and wide. And dreams, always so intertwined aren't they?
Before & After
Happy Baby GIFGiphy"Exactly the same as before you were born."
- whumoon
"I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it. -Mark Twain"
Moving On...
"We clean the bed and assign it to another patient."
"The REAL reason why nurses are so dark. 90 year old man in hospice got hit by a car on his way to get fitted for his funeral tuxedo, and didn't have a DNR. Kept him alive for four hours, and now it's time to document everything that was done to save his life because there will inevitably be a lawsuit from a family member who has had four years to say goodbye but somehow didn't get to."
Again...
"Play again?
Yes
[No]
I don't know what they mean or how to utilize them. I'm a Buddhist (but a gamer first and foremost) so it's cool you guys made those connections This totally makes up for r/movies continuously banning me."
Oblivion...
"I've answered this one before but here it is again. Either two things happen after you die: you either go somewhere or it's oblivion. If it is oblivion, then we're just going back to the same place before we were born and there's nothing wrong with that. We were there for billions or trillions of years, possibly infinity."
"You lose that concept of time since your brain doesn't work anymore so you don't even know it's over. It's not nothing because nothing would be something and that means that you are aware, which you can not be if you're dead. If we do go somewhere, then that's something no one understands because no one has ever come back to tell us."
"Those stories of people coming back after they "died" and "saw stuff" weren't really dead. Their hearts stopped but their brains were still working. If the Universe continues to recycle itself infinitely, then there's a chance we will be reborn or continuously reborn but have no memory of our previous selves."
- jamoh20
On Holiday
"When I was a kid I drowned while on holiday with my family, a giant fat man jumped in the pool on top of me and no one noticed till I was on the bottom of the pool. I remember the feeling of my lungs being on fire, then shivering then as everything was going dark a strange sense of peace and I was ok with it, No panic or terror then it went black."
"I was resuscitated at the side of the pool a few minutes later. I remember nothing from the black to being "alive" again. I was around 7 when it happened and since then I've been strangely at peace with the fact that one day I will die and slip into the dark void of nothingness. Hope that helps."
Popcorn?
500 days of summer cinema GIFGiphy"You wake up in a chair in a cinema and learn that the other are past lives of you and you're about to watch your next life very soon on the big screen."
The truth is none of us know the truth. We live everyday with the afterlife being a gamble. And that seems like it's going to have to be enough.
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