People Imagine Which Kinds of Questions Would Be On A Parenting Test
It's a discussion many of ust might have had. "Why isn't there some kind of test to see who can be a parent?" Or maybe, "We have tests to see who can drive cars, so why not one to see who can make a person?" All valid questions, but intil the government evolves to the horrific point of being able to put a car boot on reproductive parts, it seems those unfit to have children will continue to do so. Still, it's fun to dream, as many people on Reddit found when they answered user, r/ALLCAPSMANIAC's question:
If people had to pass an exam in order to get a license to have children, what would some of the questions on the test be?
"Do you want kids?" Should probably be on there.
It would be followed by "why?" at least 30 times.
Think Of The Dolla' Bills
How are you going to provide for your child financially?
There is never enough love or money.
Is That Spelled "-ee" Or "-ie"?
What's the spelling of your future baby's name?
"your answer must include multiple Y's"
Who's The Big Dog?
If your child doesn't like something important like sitting still sometimes, riding in a shopping cart, using a car seat, eating healthy foods - does that mean they never have to do it?
Or more generally:
Who is in charge?
B) The baby
A Series Of "What Are Your Intentions?"
Are you having a child purely because you feel you have to?
Are you having a child just to see what you and your SO would produce?
Are you having a child purely to have a girl to dress up or boy to carry on your family name?
Would you throw your child out of the house for being gay?
If you die, who is to receive the child into their custody?
Are you hoping to use this child to keep a man or trap a woman into your life?
Real Chest Talk
Do you like your t-ts the way they are?
Basically...Where's The Money Going?
You have £10.00 pounds left for the week, and 12 nappies, you can buy 8 1L bottles of Cider/Beer for £5.99 or 2 packets of 15 nappies for £8.00. What do you buy?
Feel free to translate to American if you want.
Start The Vetting Quickly
Do vaccines cause autism?
Answer: Hopefully Not Trip On The Dog!
What will you do when you're sleep deprived and your child won't stop crying?
Don't Be THAT Parent
If you want to see a movie, do you a) get a babysitter, b) wait until you can watch it at home, or c) take the child to the movie theater?
Follow up question: If the child starts crying or being disruptive in the movie theater, do you a) take the kid out until it calms down, b) leave and ask for a ticket refund, c) let it scream for an hour in the theater?
This Is Up For Debate?
Are babies dishwasher safe?
Test for emotional intelligence. Test for the ability to recognize psychological problems. Test to see if they can get through regular adult stuff like filing taxes and changing a tire.
Should be a competent adult at least.
Double Up The Cleaning
How often will you change it's litter box?
What's Your Chill Level?
What's your level of patience and self control / self discipline when you have been sleep deprived for 6 straight weeks?
Why Did You Come Back? Get Out!
When your baby is crying, do you...
A) Give him/her a joint, they are obviously stressed.
B) Shake until crying stops.
C) Start crying so he/she has a good example of a proper breakdown.
D) All of the above.
Well? What Would You Do?
I'd ask what they would do if their child is LGBT.
So often I think strains in the parent child relationship are a result of parents expecting their kids to be like them and to have the same interests and values as them, but we should realize they are individuals and we can guide them toward a universal right and wrong as best we can but not force agendas on them and not let differences get in the way of a loving, supportive relationship.
Be Ready For Them Terrible 2's
Question 1: Are you ready for the toddler stage?
Question 2: Why?
Question 3: Why?
Question 4: Why?
Question 5: How many rebuttals can you come up with in 5 minutes to the word "no"? You must use complete sentences and remain calm.
But, Like, That's How This All Started, Right?
What causes pregnancy?
You'd be surprised with how many people would get that wrong.
Leave Open A Lot Of Room For Elaboration
As a teacher I really prefer constructed response type tests. Performance events, if you will.
Your toddler has a melt down at Target. She is screaming and flat on her back and is doing that thing that makes her body limp and feel like it weighs 50 lbs and it is impossible to easily scoop her up and leave. If the average caloric intake of an apple sauce squeeze is 50 calories, you've watched every episode of the Boss Baby cartoon series on Netflix five times (ten episodes, 25 minutes each), and pull ups are impossible to pull back up without ripping loose the sides, why is the correct answer give her a baby wipe and she will settle down immediately?
Please provide the proper psychological theories to support your conclusions.
Multiple Choice Speed Round!
What will you do if your child gets sick? What will you give them?
What will you feed your child for lunch on a typical day?
What will you do if your child is misbehaving?
What time will your child go to bed?
What beverages will your child be allowed to have during the day?
When is it ok to leave your child home alone (what age)?
Describe the typical puberty talk that you will give your child/preteen.
Describe the typical sex talk that you will give your preteen/teenager.
Describe how you would talk to your child and teenager about drugs and alcohol.
What will your teenager's curfew (or similar rule) be?
What will you do if your child gets a minor injury like a scrape? What about a major injury?
How will you help your child succeed in school?
What would you do if your child was having mental health issues?
How would you protect your child from bullying?
A for effort. Very important questions. Though I would have answered these questions very differently 20 years ago.
I would have answered them idealisticly and in the true spirit of someone who has no clue what she was in for. I've learned that the plan is: there is no plan. Keep 'em alive, teach them to think for themselves and keep them young for as long as you can.