People Imagine Which Kinds of Questions Would Be On A Parenting Test
It's a discussion many of ust might have had. "Why isn't there some kind of test to see who can be a parent?" Or maybe, "We have tests to see who can drive cars, so why not one to see who can make a person?" All valid questions, but intil the government evolves to the horrific point of being able to put a car boot on reproductive parts, it seems those unfit to have children will continue to do so. Still, it's fun to dream, as many people on Reddit found when they answered user, r/ALLCAPSMANIAC's question:
If people had to pass an exam in order to get a license to have children, what would some of the questions on the test be?
Start Small...
"Do you want kids?" Should probably be on there.
It would be followed by "why?" at least 30 times.
Think Of The Dolla' Bills
How are you going to provide for your child financially?
...followed by...
There is never enough love or money.
Is That Spelled "-ee" Or "-ie"?
What's the spelling of your future baby's name?
"your answer must include multiple Y's"
Who's The Big Dog?
If your child doesn't like something important like sitting still sometimes, riding in a shopping cart, using a car seat, eating healthy foods - does that mean they never have to do it?
Or more generally:
Who is in charge?
A) You
B) The baby
A Series Of "What Are Your Intentions?"
Are you having a child purely because you feel you have to?
Are you having a child just to see what you and your SO would produce?
Are you having a child purely to have a girl to dress up or boy to carry on your family name?
Would you throw your child out of the house for being gay?
If you die, who is to receive the child into their custody?
Are you hoping to use this child to keep a man or trap a woman into your life?
Basically...Where's The Money Going?
You have £10.00 pounds left for the week, and 12 nappies, you can buy 8 1L bottles of Cider/Beer for £5.99 or 2 packets of 15 nappies for £8.00. What do you buy?
Feel free to translate to American if you want.
Answer: Hopefully Not Trip On The Dog!
What will you do when you're sleep deprived and your child won't stop crying?
Don't Be THAT Parent
If you want to see a movie, do you a) get a babysitter, b) wait until you can watch it at home, or c) take the child to the movie theater?
Follow up question: If the child starts crying or being disruptive in the movie theater, do you a) take the kid out until it calms down, b) leave and ask for a ticket refund, c) let it scream for an hour in the theater?
"At Least"
Test for emotional intelligence. Test for the ability to recognize psychological problems. Test to see if they can get through regular adult stuff like filing taxes and changing a tire.
Should be a competent adult at least.
What's Your Chill Level?
What's your level of patience and self control / self discipline when you have been sleep deprived for 6 straight weeks?
Why Did You Come Back? Get Out!
When your baby is crying, do you...
A) Give him/her a joint, they are obviously stressed.
B) Shake until crying stops.
C) Start crying so he/she has a good example of a proper breakdown.
D) All of the above.
Well? What Would You Do?
I'd ask what they would do if their child is LGBT.
So often I think strains in the parent child relationship are a result of parents expecting their kids to be like them and to have the same interests and values as them, but we should realize they are individuals and we can guide them toward a universal right and wrong as best we can but not force agendas on them and not let differences get in the way of a loving, supportive relationship.
Be Ready For Them Terrible 2's
Question 1: Are you ready for the toddler stage?
Answer:...
Question 2: Why?
Answer: ...
Question 3: Why?
Answer: ...
Question 4: Why?
Answer: ...
Question 5: How many rebuttals can you come up with in 5 minutes to the word "no"? You must use complete sentences and remain calm.
But, Like, That's How This All Started, Right?
What causes pregnancy?
You'd be surprised with how many people would get that wrong.
Leave Open A Lot Of Room For Elaboration
As a teacher I really prefer constructed response type tests. Performance events, if you will.
Your toddler has a melt down at Target. She is screaming and flat on her back and is doing that thing that makes her body limp and feel like it weighs 50 lbs and it is impossible to easily scoop her up and leave. If the average caloric intake of an apple sauce squeeze is 50 calories, you've watched every episode of the Boss Baby cartoon series on Netflix five times (ten episodes, 25 minutes each), and pull ups are impossible to pull back up without ripping loose the sides, why is the correct answer give her a baby wipe and she will settle down immediately?
Please provide the proper psychological theories to support your conclusions.
Multiple Choice Speed Round!
What will you do if your child gets sick? What will you give them?
What will you feed your child for lunch on a typical day?
What will you do if your child is misbehaving?
What time will your child go to bed?
What beverages will your child be allowed to have during the day?
When is it ok to leave your child home alone (what age)?
Describe the typical puberty talk that you will give your child/preteen.
Describe the typical sex talk that you will give your preteen/teenager.
Describe how you would talk to your child and teenager about drugs and alcohol.
What will your teenager's curfew (or similar rule) be?
What will you do if your child gets a minor injury like a scrape? What about a major injury?
How will you help your child succeed in school?
What would you do if your child was having mental health issues?
How would you protect your child from bullying?
A for effort. Very important questions. Though I would have answered these questions very differently 20 years ago.
I would have answered them idealisticly and in the true spirit of someone who has no clue what she was in for. I've learned that the plan is: there is no plan. Keep 'em alive, teach them to think for themselves and keep them young for as long as you can.
H/T: Reddit
Of course, most of the time, it was “just a phase". And looking back, those phases are regrettable, to say the least. Here are some prime examples of that.
SirGergoyFriendman asked:
What was your biggest/most regrettable "It's not a phase, mom. It's my life." that, in fact, turned out to be just a phase and not your life?
The enthusiasm of a young person can lead to some unexpected changes that parents are just not ready for.
Hi, Wheeljack!
I was VERY into The Transformers when I was a wee lad in the 1980s. One day, I decided to change my name to the name of my favorite Autobot. My name was lame, and I wanted an awesome Transformer name. And I was VERY insistent that my parents only call me by my new name. Calling me by my 'old' name would cause a big fat tantrum on my part.
So for the better part of a week, my poor parents had to call me Wheeljack.
Very 2008.
Ariana Grande Shrug GIFGiphyMy cat-ear phase. I wore cat ears every single day. Everywhere. I had like 20 pairs of them. Now everyone thinks I'm a furry.
I find that very cute and wouldn't have thought you'd be furry. Even if you'd had cat mittens. I think my suspicions would have started if you moved a bit like a cat, displayed catlike grooming habits or got a cat mask.
Not gonna lie, that car sounds cool.
I went to a car show once as a teen, and the only newer car there was some chick's PT cruiser. It was hot glittery pink, and at the time I was obsessed. I insisted that one day I would have a hot pink car, with pink seats, pink dash, pink carpets, etc. I was pretty heavily goth at the time, so my parents just rolled their eyes.
These phases can often lead to some very strange fashion choices.
That’s commitment.
When I was a teenager (early 00s), I was waiting for my mother to pick me up and was wearing one of those sh!tty sports wristwatches. It was itching me so I took it off for a second, but then she arrived and because I was struggling to get it back on my wrist, I looped it around the equally sh!tty chain I had around my neck in a rush to get out the door.
My mom asked me about it in the car, and I told her this was my new style and I planned to wear it like that every day. She rolled her eyes.
I wore that watch on a chain around my neck every single day for 3 years or so. There are even professional family photos where I'm wearing it because I refused to take it off.
One day, the chain broke and I lost the watch. I was in high school at that point anyway and it was a major lady repellent, so... phase over.
Not everyone can be Eminem.
slim shady eminem GIFGiphyBaggy pants, being a rapper someday and being a professional skater.
When I was about 14 and Eminem was starting to blow up I bought myself a keyboard with a synthesizer. It cost like $200 which was all the money I had saved up. It finally came (this was way before amazon prime and such) and I tried rapping.
My sister told me "you're effing horrible" and I gave up right then and there.
This should be a sin.
I used to button the top buttons of polo shirts.
I must say, this is probably the worst one I've read.
Looking back at our regrettable choices, all we can do is cringe.
An optimistic look at bad tattoos.
check me out season 3 GIF by PortlandiaGiphyBeing a tattooer. Regrettable because of those poor people who have my awful doodles on their bodies.
Take heart! My favorite tattoo is the one I drunkenly got my buddy to do in his living room one year during March Madness! It's dumb and frankly mediocre? But such a good story and has such good associations I smile every time I see it.
RIP Fredro’s.
My friend and I decided we were going to open a bar in Jamaica with exotic snakes in glass cages in the walls at each booth. We convinced ourselves it would be amazing for at least two years in college. It was going to be called Fredro's.
My entire family made fun of me for it. Once we got out of college, we realized it was not feasible and joined the office grind. We're also two white guys with no ties to Jamaica.
Talk about cringey.
I wore a top hat with an anime pin on it for around a year. Met one of my current best friends while wearing it, idk how he could bear to speak to me after that.
My weirdest phase was probably when I insisted on wearing knee-high rainbow socks to school every day. But honestly, I don't regret it. I rocked those socks, and I wish I still have a pair.
To all the people out there cringing over their past selves, remember that you were just a kid, and to be easy on yourselves. After all, we've all been there
Yet, too often, manufacturers who oversell their products fail to deliver what is promised and are inevitably left with angry customers who want their money back.
Whether the merchandise was defective or ridiculously overpriced, strangers online shared some of their worst purchases when Redditor BooksMcGee asked:
"What is the worst product you ever paid money for?"
Short Life Span
"This NERF gun that's supposed to shoot tennis balls for your dog. I bought it cause I thought you could load 3 at a time and shoot them far, but it's just one and it's super loud and the gun broke after like 4 shots (reading reviews later, this was a common issue)."
Lame Pets
"There were these toys called squiggles when I was a kid and the commercials made it seem like the toy was alive. It looked like you would get this crazy little fuzzy worms as pets that would follow you around an so sick tricks and listen to your every command. It was really just a piece of fluffy string tied to another piece of string with googly eyes on it. People may say that it was supposed to be a magic trick but they should also explain that to a 5 year old who really wanted a pet."
Card Value
"Not their fault, but I paid $70 for a Yugioh card hours before it was limited to one copy. Probably dropped to $20 by the end of the day."
These purchases were bad for your bum.
"A bicycle that literally fell apart before I made it out of the parking lot."
Not Worth Sitting On
"Joybird brand couch. Was so terrible, we returned it. Still hard to believe, we returned a freaking couch."
Going Nowhere Fast
"A 2000 VW Beetle (used)."
"Biggest piece of sh*t that literally had to have just about everything replaced before 100k miles and would still break down every time you left the driveway to the point where the tow-truck driver knew us on a first-name basis."
Expensive Lemon
"An Oldsmobile Achieva from one of those buy here pay here places. I should have known better, but I was young and thought I was getting a good deal. I had the thing for about 5 months, I drove it for maybe 3 weeks. The rest of the time it was either in the shop, or in my driveway waiting until pay day so I could afford to fix whatever broke on it this week. Eventually told the dealer just take it, I'm not paying for it any more. He said nope, and I will make sure your credit is ruined. I said well you sold me a lemon, do you really want to go this route? He came and took it. Never reported anything to credit. I heard he got sued by several other people who sold sh**ty cars too and eventually went out of business."
"Always amazes me when I see them driving around still, I can only assume there's enthusiasts who just love repairing horribly designed cars."
– zerbey
These Redditors were not convinced what they ingested was edible.
Bad Cereal
"A box of plain Cheerios. Thought they were honey nut, poured a bowl, was very disappointed."
"If I wanted to taste cardboard, I'd just eat the box."
– gor8884
Space Pizza
"A burnt frozen pizza at the air and space museum cafe in DC. I Don't wish that experience on anyone. There are some amazing restaurants in DC, don't settle."
– Alseids
The following electronics just gave off a bad charge.
"Asus Transformer Pad TF700"
"This was one of those early 'high end' Android tablets that was grossly underpowered, and it showed. Thing was slow as sh!t in no time flat. Rookie mistake investing into shiny new tech while they were still working all the bugs out. Think I paid somewhere in the neighborhood of $350-400 for it..."
– Luke5119
Bad Apple
"macbook pro 2018 13" touchbar. 2 years old and dead (battery). they're asking $300-$400 to change the battery. malfunctioning keyboard with double presses and missing presses. that's a lot of money for bad design."
Chilly Reception
"Past winter my old room heater broke down and I had to buy a new one. Went to a store nearby and somehow got convinced to buy a very costly heating device.. It's also my fault, since there were some sligthly cheaper options around, but nope. I wanted the expensive one thinking it will make my small room a volcano with little to no effort/cost (that's also what the seller told me). Long story short the device wasn't doing ANYTHING. No significant temperature changes, too much space, a weird noise, and was doubling my previous device in utility cost. I still gloom over those 80 euros.."
Some of my disappointing purchases was clothing, but only because I purchased them online. Unless they are a brand I'm familiar with, I'm usually fine with buying new jeans off of their websites.
But when it comes to graphic tees only available on specialty shops, an M-size shirt is not necessarily the same size as those found in other reputable stores.
I bought a medium sized T-shirt from a boutique store online because I loved the look of the design. But when it arrived, the supposed medium fit me like an XL.
At least I gained a fierce cleaning rag from this impulsive purchase.