
People Reveal What Their Own Personal Version Of Hell Would Be Like
[rebelmouse-image 18354482 is_animated_gif=From Dante's _Inferno, _one of the only surviving old pieces of literature which quite literally imagined Hell as a place, to Jean-Paul Sartre's infamous play _No Exit _(from which the quote "Hell is other people" was born,) humans have always been fascinated with imagining this chamber of torture that supposedly those who led despicable lives shall inhabit for all eternity.
So when lalatier asked the internet:
They were met with a breadth of answers.
Poop Shivers
[rebelmouse-image 18354483 is_animated_gif=A cold winters night. I'm driving home, the heat doesn't work, and it's 40 below. I really, REALLY need to poop, so badly that it hurts. But I hold on, suffering, because I'm almost home. It's just around the corner!
But it isn't just around the corner, because this world is a looping purgatory. I have no concept of time, so I'm stuck in this moment, freezing cold, in a state of gastric pain, with my futile hope that I'll be alright hanging in limbo for eternity.
Or maybe I'm just stuck in the mall behind a group of kids who won't move. Same amount of suffering, TBH.
Trapped Inside Of Trapped
[rebelmouse-image 18348315 is_animated_gif=A place where you constantly hear nothing but a dripping sound and you always feel like you have to take a piss, but you have no genitalia.
Micromanaging
[rebelmouse-image 18354484 is_animated_gif=Everytime I'm going to do something or make a decision, someone will tell me to do just that a couple of seconds before I actually do.
So patronising. It'll make me feel like I have no free will.
Nothingness
[rebelmouse-image 18352658 is_animated_gif=Alone in a room that's a blank, empty cube. Absolutely no diversions or distractions whatsoever. No need (or ability) to eat or sleep. Rendered incapable of having a psychotic break that would at least give me hallucinations for company. Fully aware and conscious forever.
Even if you stuck me in a cell with something I hate or fear, eternity would probably be enough time to become desensitized to it. Ultimately, after a few years, the worst thing would be nothing.
A Summer Day
[rebelmouse-image 18354485 is_animated_gif=I'm a cashier in an overcrowded store. The customers are -ssholes and the computer is slow. I'm wearing -ss shorts but I didn't shave my legs up high enough so there's like three inches of hair showing beneath the shorts. My lips are peeling and my hat is too small for my head. I know it's almost break time but break time never comes.
The Worst
[rebelmouse-image 18354486 is_animated_gif=A quiet room with my favorite book. The room is completely silent except for one person eating yogurt right beside me.
When You're Here, You're Contained.
[rebelmouse-image 18354487 is_animated_gif=It would be a little place called "The Container Store".
I would walk in with my girlfriend, and she would immediately disappear into one of the aisles. I would text her, but she would never answer. I'll be left there, alone, staring at Tupperware containers and garbage cans by myself for all eternity.
Oh God, Just End It
[rebelmouse-image 18354488 is_animated_gif=100+ degrees F with 99% humidity. kittens, but dying every five minutes. people constantly mocking me and laughing behind my back. all set to easy-listening music on a continuous loop.
Sartre Would Be Proud
[rebelmouse-image 18354489 is_animated_gif=I would be the host of a party in a house I've never seen. None of the proper arrangements would be made, so no food, drinks, or entertainment, and I would be expected to provide all of them. On top of all this, I wouldn't know any of the guests, yet each one of them would know me and try to make conversation and get offended when I don't know details about their lives.
In short, hell is other people.
A Life In Molasses
[rebelmouse-image 18345901 is_animated_gif=I'm extremely hungover and am in a supermarket with florescent lighting, too many middle aged women and men with too many screaming kids running around, and they have nothing on my list.
I'm thirsty but everyone I turn into an isle looking for water all I'm faced with is a special on whatever I was drinking the night before, fish, or cleaning supplies where people have been spray testing the most potent air fresheners.
I dressed for the cold but it's not as cold as I though, the lights get steadily brighter, the children louder, and the adults more obnoxious. They've no trollies so I'm carrying a basket filled with a heavy bag of potatoes.
Everest
[rebelmouse-image 18354490 is_animated_gif=I was a grunt in the Marines and as you can imagine there was a lot of hiking going on. And when you train in Southern California, they make you hike up some mountains. It was a unique experience and I never had trouble keeping up, but god damn I hated it. Some of the most miserable hours of my life were climbing up a mountain in the middle of summer in full combat gear while humping around a 60 pound pack. If I had my own special hell, it would be climbing a mountain eternally. I can't believe some people do that shit for fun, haha.
She's A Brick
[rebelmouse-image 18354491 is_animated_gif=I'm trapped in a room in which the walls and floors are covered in thousands of centipedes, the only safe heaven from the centipede onslaught is a single toilet placed in the middle of the room.
Because I'm in hell I am doomed to suffer, the centipedes continuously bite and tear my flesh as I try and make it to the toilet seat. Whenever I die due to the centipede's venom I am reborn farther away from the toilet seat.
After centuries of trying I finally make it to the toilet, I sit on the porcelain throne finally safe from the centipedes only to find out that the seat is warm.
As I cry "Brick House" by the Commodores begins to play.
Eyes In The Darkness
[rebelmouse-image 18354492 is_animated_gif=I would be left alone, in a room, by myself, with nothing to do. Except I would always know at least 2 people where watching and judging me. Also, I would have some kind of collar or something that constantly put weight on the back of my neck, that makes me super uncomfortable for some reason.
Fiery Hell With Ice Breakers
[rebelmouse-image 18354493 is_animated_gif=The first day of the semester when the professor tells you to introduce yourself or to tell something interesting about yourself.
Aero-naughty
[rebelmouse-image 18354494 is_animated_gif=I'm waiting to get off an airplane. People keep gathering their stuff and getting ready, making crappy jokes, looking impatient.
But we never actually leave.
See-Food
[rebelmouse-image 18354495 is_animated_gif=Everyone chews with their mouth open all the time and people in conversation make bad jokes loudly so other people around them can hear and then look around to see who's laughing
Texts To Lucifer
[rebelmouse-image 18354496 is_animated_gif=Everyone I know is mad at me and I keep trying to apologize through text but they never respond back and I know every time I hit enter again, it just makes me look a little worse. The anxiety does not end, for eternity.
Corgi Torture
[rebelmouse-image 18354497 is_animated_gif=I'm trapped in a glass cage. Outside the cage are hundreds of corgis that I can't pet. They keep rolling, trying to get me to pet them. They keep getting more and more cute every hour I can't pet them.
My High School Experience
[rebelmouse-image 18354498 is_animated_gif=I'm trapped in a room of 15 year old theater geeks. They're all singing songs from musicals and think it's funny and interesting to break out into off-key song. It never ends. help. Everyone knows Hamilton. For the love of god, just pick a new musical.
Eternity
[rebelmouse-image 18354099 is_animated_gif=Given that you cannot die in hell I would imagine my eternity would be spent in horribly gruesome scenarios. Particularly my head would be separated from my body and put into a steel case with spikes on the inside then spiders and scorpions not affected by flames would be poured into my head case to sting me forever. My head case would be thrown into a lava pit. Meanwhile my body would be subjected to various impossible tortures like a being stabbed with a knife that lives inside of me.
The only thing I never understood about hell is how can it use physical pain to punish me when I am already dead. To me hell would be something worse than physical pain and in fact emotional pain. Hell is after all an absence of God so I imagine that it would be something along the lines of never being able to feel love. I would only be able to experience sorrow, hate, anger, and despair for the rest of time. If this is true then why would I need to be in a physical place? Couldn't hell for me just be reliving all of the times I felt those emotions on Earth? Wouldn't it be me hurting the people I loved on earth over and over forever? Every time someone hurt me is the experience that would most likely be hell.
DMV Forever
[rebelmouse-image 18354499 is_animated_gif=An infinite department of motor vehicles with no exit. It would have exclusively post-90s pop music playing, only keurig coffee and nothing to eat but risotto.
The smell of cheap air freshener would hang heavy in the air, and you would be forced to listen hourly to one of the other inhabitants drone at you about what forms you need to fill out to enact a change in tag or title but theres no pen or pencil anywhere.
There would be a unbreakable glass wall with people outside smoking joints and cigarettes enjoying a beautiful sunny day. You are only allowed to look at them longingly for no more than ten minutes a day, as stated in department regulation 225-379.6
Infernofoam
[rebelmouse-image 18354506 is_animated_gif=Everything is white styrofoam. It screeches when you move as styrofoam rubs styrofoam. Little bits of it break off, floating into the air. You're breathing it in. Tiny fragments of styrofoam are filling your lungs, but you can't die. Nevermind that it's blindingly bright, because there's a piece of styro in your eye and some under your fingernails. A styrofoam devil gleeful rubs his styrofoam hands together in a cacophony of squeaks and screams. For all eternity, the shit doesn't decay, except breaking into smaller pieces of styrofoam.
C'est Les Autres
[rebelmouse-image 18346527 is_animated_gif=FADE IN:
INT. A SUBWAY CAR
A young man is slumped in one of the window seats in a subway car. This is STEVE. He appears to groggily wake up from a nap, look around, and then sit upright as though startled.
STEVE: Whoa, where am I?!
Steve starts to rise from his seat, but notices that the one next to him is occupied by a very large WOMAN in a floral dress. The woman pulls a hard candy from her purse, fumbles in extracting it from its crinkling wrapper, then puts it in her mouth and audibly sucks.
STEVE: (CONT'D) Excuse me, can I just...
ALAN: (O.S.) Don't bother, man.
Steve turns to look behind him, where he sees another young man in a similar predicament. This is ALAN, whose shoulder is being used as a pillow by an ancient Asian MAN.
STEVE: What?
ALAN: She won't move. She has bad knees.
STEVE: Yeah, that's great. Where is this train going?
ALAN: (Shrugging) Who knows? Heaven, maybe? Valhalla? Maybe it just goes nowhere.
STEVE: What are you talking about?
Alan gestures out the window. Nothing can be seen beyond it but darkness.
ALAN: You're dead, man. This is the afterlife.
STEVE: (Scoffing) The afterlife is a subway car?
ALAN: Yep. Purgatory, from the looks of things.
STEVE: Right, so, you're insane. Got it.
Steve yanks on the cord to request a stop. Nothing happens. He pulls on it several more times.
WOMAN: Please stop jostling me. I have bad knees.
STEVE: Sorry.
The woman gives Steve a disapproving look, then turns to face forward again. The sound of her sucking on her candy remains audible. From elsewhere in the car, someone loudly sniffs.
ALAN: Look, I know it sounds crazy.
STEVE: Do you hear yourself? How can this be purgatory?
ALAN: Think about it, man. Purgatory is the place where you atone for your sins before reaching your final destination. As metaphors go, a subway car seems appropriate.
STEVE: I'm an atheist.
ALAN: Alright, so, maybe it's a loading screen.
STEVE: ... What?
ALAN: You've heard the theory that the universe is a simulation, right? Maybe this is what brings your code to the next area.
STEVE: Shouldn't we be in a bus, then?
ALAN: Huh?
STEVE: Nothing.
A door opens near the back of the subway car, and a TICKET COLLECTOR walks in.
ALAN: Oh, hey, look! Here's proof. Just wait.
The ticket collector walks through the car, murmuring to each of the occupants before moving on. When he finally reaches Alan's seat, he gently shakes the man sleeping on Alan's shoulder.
COLLECTOR: Ticket check.
MAN: ????????
COLLECTOR: Ticket check.
MAN: ???
The man clears loudly clears his throat, then lies back down on Alan's shoulder. He smacks his lips several times.
COLLECTOR: (To Alan) Ticket check.
ALAN: I still don't have a ticket.
COLLECTOR: I am very disappointed in you.
ALAN: Just like you were last time.
The ticket collector moves forward and addresses the woman in the floral dress.
COLLECTOR: Ticket check.
WOMAN: I don't see why I should have to show you my ticket.
COLLECTOR: I need to check its validity.
WOMAN: This is harassment. You're only checking my ticket because you think a single woman is an easy target.
STEVE: What are you talking about? He literally...
Steve is interrupted by Alan's hand on his shoulder.
ALAN: (Interrupting) No, man, don't do it. You'll only make things worse.
WOMAN: I'll be filing a complaint with your superiors.
The woman slurps on her hard candy. The ticket collector turns his attention to Steve.
COLLECTOR: Ticket check.
STEVE: Listen, I don't know how I got here, but I'm not supposed to be on this train.
COLLECTOR: I still need to see your ticket.
Steve hurriedly checks each of his pockets.
WOMAN: Stop jostling me! I have bad knees!
STEVE: Sorry! I'm just looking for my ticket.
WOMAN: Rude.
The man lying on Alan's shoulder starts loudly coughing. Another sniff becomes audible from elsewhere in the car.
COLLECTOR: Do you have your ticket, sir?
STEVE: I don't know! Where are we even going?
WOMAN: Stop shouting in my ear. I have bad knees.
STEVE: What does that have to do with anything?!
WOMAN: (Gasping) Are you threatening me?
STEVE: What? No! I just...
WOMAN: (Interrupting) I'll report you for assault!
COLLECTOR: Do you have your ticket, sir?
STEVE: Just hold on for a second!
WOMAN: (To the collector) Arrest him!
ALAN: Convinced yet?
STEVE: Ugh! Look, just come back to me. I'll try to find my ticket.
The ticket collector moves on. The woman opens another hard candy and starts sucking on it. Someone sniffs. The man lying on Alan coughs and smacks his lips. Alan starts humming. Steve closes his eyes and takes several deep breaths.
COLLECTOR: (O.S.) Ticket check.
IDIOT: (O.S.) Did you know that you eat eight spiders in your sleep every year?
COLLECTOR: (O.S.) That's an interesting fact.
IDIOT: (O.S.) It's part of the reason that vaccines cause autism. The mercury reacts with the spider venom.
COLLECTOR: (O.S.) I never knew that.
Steve opens his eyes.
STEVE: I'm in Hell. That's what this is.
ALAN: Nah.
Steve turns back to look at Alan.
ALAN: (CONT'D) At worst, you're in Heck.
STEVE: What?
ALAN: The place itself isn't so bad.
Alan leans back in his seat and puts his knees up behind Steve's head. All of the noises in the car become more and more audible.
ALAN: (CONT'D) Hell is other people.
FADE OUT.
Have you ever heard of a certain job that people call a career and thought... "PEOPLE PAY YOU FOR THAT?!?!"
All hard, honest work is good work.
And then there is just trash work.
And I don't mean garbage collection, that is honest work.
I don't know how some people live with themselves.
Redditor MrTuxedo1 wanted to discuss the careers they don't believe people should chase. They asked:
"What job do you have no respect for?"
Ticket scalpers. How do you the audacity to say that's a job?
Actual burglars have more empathy.
Disrespectful
"There are debt collectors who call relatives of the deceased to pay off their debts when they are not legally obligated to."
Top_Gun_2021
Shady. Shady.
"Australian Real Estate Agents. Laws don't seem to apply to them. Just as dodgy in sales and rentals alike. Never seen anything like it overseas."
snave_
"I'm in the US, it can vary state by state but my state is pretty strict on realtor laws. Some states require attorney review and there are definitely penalties for being reported for shady sh*t. It does require consumer reporting though."
ilostmytaco
Etransfer
"Where I live, tax info was leaked and now scammers are targeting low income individuals/families (people earning under 30,000 per year) with etransfer scams. I got one the other day that was an etransfer warning that 240$ 'a family member sent me' was about to expire."
SnowyInuk
"That’s disgusting. The scammers know what they’re doing, they know the harm they cause people and yet they don’t care."
surelysandwitch
Should be illegal...
"MLM managers. Not the low level idiots that get suckered into it, they suck too for trying to bring new people into that sh*tshow, but the people who create them know exactly what they are doing and are pretty much the only ones who profit off of it. Should be illegal. Pyramid schemes are illegal. None of them ever get the just desserts except occasionally by vigilantes I assume."
Wereno
I hate debt collectors. Yeah, you calling me one hundred times a week is going to miraculously make money appear.
Animals
"Paparazzi."
VictorBlimpmuscle
"I met Jack Gleeson (King Joffrey from Game of Thrones) at a bus stop in Dublin. Really nice guy but he said he quit acting due to people being nasty online and constant hounding from paparrazi. He's happier now but it sucks that he was pushed away from a career he was quite good at."
goobi94
Scumbags
"The pastors at mega churches whom ask their followers for money for private jets. Absolute scum to abuse others faith for your own greed."
ichancho
"Brian Tamaki is a greedy freaking pig, he takes advantage of so many people who are already struggling. Every time he’s in the local news (which btw is often) I get more and more pissed off at him and his wife. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brian_Tamaki "
surelysandwitch
it’s a thing???
“'Dating Expert.' Sadly it’s a thing. It’s basically a self appointed title that requires no training or qualifications. What’s worse, is that I have a female friend who uses one. It’s very much a blind leading the blind situation."
Mean_Manufacturer_61
"Most of the self proclaimed “dating coaches” I know are women in their late 30s or early 40s who have never been married or had a longer relationship."
ipozgaj
EVIL
"Poachers. Especially big game poachers who purposefully hunt nearly extinct animals from species they know they are on the brink."
"I know there are poachers that come from rural villages who are trying to just put food on the table, which has my sympathy but poachers who come from money and hunt down animals minding their business in most shelters or restricted areas just to put a head on their wall as a trophy are absolutely heinous."
GetterdoneObiwan
I See It All
"Psychic Mediums. Specifically those who prey on the grieving."
JamesDeadite
"I've always found it interesting how many magicians go after people like this. I think it's because they know what it takes to trick people for the art. The slight of hand and mentalism. And they abhor people who use these tactics for such sh*tty purposes."
34HoldOn
I want so bad to believe in psychics and mediums. What say we on that topic?
Want to "know" more?
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Never miss another big, odd, funny or heartbreaking moment again.
The nose is constantly being attacked by odors of the world.
Going through one day without having to hold my breath during a certain point, is a miracle.
Of course, I'm a New Yorker, so I maybe exaggerating for people in the countryside.
What's funnier is odors that are pleasant, that shouldn't be.
Have you ever looked and something and thought... "yuck."
But then you smelled it and it was like... "oh lovely,"
Redditor HappQueue wanted to know what aromas are arousing to the senses that may come as a surprise to many. They asked:
"What smells good but shouldn't?"
For some odd reason I love the things burning. Anything, food, pots, pans. You name it. Weird.
Blow
"Matches/candles on a birthday cake. I remember lighting matches as a kid purely to blow them out and inhale that sweet match-y smell."
semispooked
"guilty good"
"I work at a Chemical plant. We make a highly acidic product that is dark blue, viscus, highly corrosive, and smells exactly like Fruit Loops. It is incredibly disturbing."
Turin082
"Organic chemistry has many 'guilty good' smells. Thiophosgene (sulfur derivative of a chemical weapon used extensively in WW1) apparently smells like meat. Phosgene is used to make polycarbonate, thiophosgene is used to make some sulfur-containing molecules which eventually end up in therapeutic drugs."
HammerTh_1701
I can't huff it...
"Paint, specifically house paint. I love the smell. But anytime I hear that anyone is painting a room or their house, I volunteer. I just love sitting on the floor in a room that's been freshly painted, closing my eyes and just inhaling that slightly chemically, slightly creamy aroma."
Neowza
A Hint of French...
"A fish and chips shop burnt down as couple blocks from work a few years ago. The whole neighborhood smelled amazing for days. Just the slight hint of French fries. Nothing overpowering. It was so awesome. Until I found out someone was trapped in the fire and died."
stevey_frac
Drag
"Race fuel. Instantly puts me in a good mood as it reminds me of going to the drag races with my dad when I was young."
garfnodie
Fuel and matches get me too. And they sort of go together. Interesting.
Just like the Movie...
"The water from the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. Mmm, bromine."
Stalkerslovemy
"This is one of my favorite scents of all time, and Disney is very aware that people enjoy it. Evidently it’s a lot harder to recreate than just adding bromine to water."
cash4panties
"black widow".
"There's a chicken wing restaurant near my house that has a challenge sauce called "black widow." The owner claims it to be around 500,000 scovilles. A few years back some buddies and I decided to try them, the sauce was a dark molasses color and smelled almost like a BBQ sauce, no hint of the danger that lurked at all. We each grabbed one wing and it went terribly. I don't know how something so spicy could smell so innocent."
Final-Chapter
Endless Weekend
"Hotel/rented rooms whenever you go on vacation. There's this particular smell that just says 'you are on vacation,' especially on a beach/swimming trips/out-of-the-town vacays."
Yummy_Llama
"Bath and Body Works has a plug-in scent called Endless Weekend that replicates that scent (to my humble nose)."
Exxcentrica
"oh no..."
"Someone you are attracted to's body odors. Anyone else who is slightly unhygienic smells repulsive."
Mini_gunslinger
"I remember back in high school a girl leaned over, sniffed me, told me that I smelled really good, and asked me what cologne I was wearing. I asked if she was joking, and she's like, no, you smell really good. When I told her I had just gotten done with gym class, she gets a small 'oh no...' look on her face and turns away. I think we both had a revelation that day."
user deleted
That Smell
"The smell inflatable things give off. I have no idea how to describe it, but it’s… nostalgic? to me."
crestfxllen
I do love the smell of plastics and inflatables. Ahh....
Want to "know" more?
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Never miss another big, odd, funny or heartbreaking moment again.
At one point in time, we've misplaced things that we've considered priceless possessions.
It's hard to imagine how to go on without the lost object–whatever it may be–but over time, it becomes a distant memory and we move on.
That is until we magically find ourselves presented with this opportunity proposed by Redditor mikehotel288, who asked:
"You find yourself in a room with everything you’ve ever lost in your life. What do you look for first?"
There are necessities people cannot do without.
No More Dry Lips Ever Again
"Gonna be a lot of chapstick in that room."
– camefromxbox
There are things that bring us comfort and are irreplaceable.
Safety Blanket
"My baby blanket. It became tattered over the years—to the point where I couldn’t reasonably wash it anymore—so I had to throw it away a little while back."
"I have heavily regretted that decision. I was really attached to it (hence it being in tatters), but I really wish that I kept what was left of it instead of throwing it away. Just knowing that I’d still have it would be a huge comfort to me."
– Uearie
Sentimental Heirloom
"The pendant my dad had made for me with my grandmother’s engagement diamond. It was 2 carats. It disappeared from a Las Vegas hotel room 20 years ago. It was hidden deep in a suitcase where it would not have been easy to find. It was just GONE. Cops didn’t do anything. Didn’t even come to take my statement. Cleaning lady said she thought she saw an elderly man enter my room. The guy I was with was not sympathetic in the least. Entire situation was f**ked. I’m still so upset about it."
– MaritimeDisaster
Lone Shark
"My plastic shark toy I lost when I was 10. Ain't no f'king way it just VANISHED."
– Guilty_As_Charged__
Not everything lost is tangible.
Tick Tock
"The time I wasted."
– shinyfennec
It Holds Value
"My private key with 6 BTC in it."
– Significant_Mirror19
"I didn't lose one, but I'll check my room for yours just in case."
– Smodphan
Finding Purpose
"The reason I walked into the room."
– Lloyd_lyle
Lost Opportunity
"That one girl i spoke to on omegle lol"
– h-amishh
If only we get to reunite with those we've lost.
The Loved Family Member
"My grandpa."
– Splatty_boi_420
Grieving Parent
"My daughter. She’ll be in my brother’s arms. So I’ll find both things I care to look for."
– SeeTheFence
Missing Mom
"My mom. She died of cancer in 2017. She never got to meet my daughter. I miss the hell out of her and wish she was still part of my family’s life."
– X-Arkturis-X
The Animals That Come Into Our Lives
"My pets that have passed: especially my horse, Blue. It's been 4 years, but it feels like just yesterday."
– Baciandrio
While many of these scenarios are unlikely, the thread gave people an opportunity to reflect on the things that made a strong impression on their lives.
Sometimes, the memories of the things we've lost–whether they are random objects or sources of love–is all we have.
Want to "know" more?
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Never miss another big, odd, funny or heartbreaking moment again.
What's worse than returning home from a night out or a workday and discovering your home was broken into? Being home when the break-in happens.
Home invasions are a common trope portrayed in horror films like The Strangers and Funny Games, and they're absolutely terrifying because they are based on real-life incidents.
Redditor silentagent47 asked strangers to consider this horrifying hypothetical.
"You have 5 minutes to prepare before a guy breaks into your house with the intention to kill you. You can not exit your house. What is your strategy to survive?"
The hunter becomes the hunted, inspired by TV and movies.
Duplicating A Scene
"There was an episode of Burn Notice where Michael puts aerosol cans in the microwave with kitchen utensils and hits popcorn button. I really want to know if this works or not."
– JohnSterlingSanchez
Epic Burglar Trap
"Speed-watch Home Alone."
– pluribusduim
It's about the choice of weapon.
Jump Scare
"I get the vacuum cleaner ready in a certain room, I turn it on as hes about to enter to create a distraction, then I jump out when he's inspecting the noise and bonk the f'ker on the head with the piece of 2 inch steel tube I keep as a weapon."
– BustedBastard
Beware of Dog
"Unleash the Hounds"
– myassonreddit
Make A Weapon
"Duct tape a bunch of knives to the end of one of those tall lamps to make a spear of blinding and then proceed to go sicko mode."
– DubTheeBustocles
Preparing For A Thwack
"Turn shower on, for some reason I have a shovel behind my wardrobe?? So grab that. Wait for him to check shower, whack with shovel. Boom."
– hypersp00p
It's Just A Game
"Corner camp with a shotgun."
– Arrow3619
A Warm Welcome
"Hairspray and a lighter to his face."
– WorkingClassSheep
The effectiveness of these tactics are questionable, but points for creativity are warranted.
Stand Still
"Put a lamp shade on my head and stand in the corner of the room."
– Cannabis_Sir
Make It Erotic
"I turn on all the lights, take off all my clothes, rub butter all over myself, and start a fake conversation on the phone. As soon as he breaks in I say into the phone: 'I’ve gotta go, my next appointment is finally here…”
– FrankieTheAlchemist
Forget The Stairs
"Go to the LIVING ROOM."
– on-oath-never-again
Removing The Element Of Fun
"Draw an X on my forehead and grab a beer."
– Candycoatedmuffin3
And that's why I would opt for living in a commune or apartment complex.
People who own houses are just asking for forced entry.
Want to "know" more?
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Never miss another big, odd, funny or heartbreaking moment again.