fStop Images - Caspar Benson

"That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind."

Those words, uttered by Neil Armstrong as he stepped on the surface of the moon for the first time, are familiar to most of us. Knowing billions of people would be watching their historic flight, NASA had crafted the perfect quote for the first man to step on the moon (even if he did get it wrong). But what if he had said something else?

Reddit user FootThong asked: 

"What's the worst thing Neil Armstrong could have said while stepping on the Moon for the first time?" 

and over 10,000 responses were received. Here are some of the best of the worst.

That Sinking Feeling

"One small step for.....HOLY SH*% IS THIS QUICKSAND?!"  blue_13

Moon Over Miami (and Everywhere Else)

Neil missed the perfect opportunity to pull down his pants and flash the camera with his a**. 
It would probably have killed him but ya know, moon on the moon would have been epic.  Holmes02

Lunar Horror

"What is this? Who are you? Oh God!" Then sound is cut and you never see him again.

Or worse, he comes back seemingly fine and has no recollection of what you were talking about.

Worse yet, only the video was cut. There was a solid 5 minutes of horrific screaming before video comes back on and he has no recollection of any of it.  kolop1 Badloss Dubanx


Monty, Is That You?

"On second thought let's not set foot on the moon, it's a silly place" vitten23

A Different Media Age

This is Neil Armstrong from the moon, and before we begin, be sure to mash that like button and subscribe!  Infinitto

Should Have Had Better Treads on Those Boots

Neil slips off (the ladder) and falls on the ground and says something like "*$>#&/%@ DAMMIT" while the world is watching him.  Dr_Doorknob


Buzz Who?

"There is no problem. We are fine now." "You and Buzz?" "Buzz?" "Yeah Buzz... you and Buzz? Buzz Aldrin? Are you joking? He just went with you to-" "OH YES! We are fine. He is also fine."  GetHisWallet


"Houston, you'll never believe this. It's cheese. All of it."  BourbonBaccarat sameth1

Ready For His Close-up


"Aaaaand scene."

"Did you guys get it? Or do we need another take?"

"Wait, we're live?"  HadToChooseSomething DarthRusty ErinaHartwick Tucko29


First Man On the Moon, Maybe

"I will put the flag next to the Russian flag."

"Wow, the Vatican City flag is here..."  GroovyTales DigNitty

The Cow Jumped Over the Moon (Almost)

"Hold on, look over there... is that... a Dinosaur bone?"

"No, it's just a cow skeleton."  C0nguy mucow

First Turtle On The Moon

"That's ... one small step for man. One .... shit... f*$#ing hell. I can't get up. Buzz, get the f$#% out here and help me up. (under breath) First turtle on the moon. Good job, a-hole."  BizzyM


Product Placement

Somebody pointed out that he could have said "Boy! I could sure use a Coca-Cola!" and been a millionaire...  shleppenwolf

Captain Obvious

"FIRST!"  bunkasaurus


"Finders, keepers; losers, USSR"  DigNitty


Not Worth the Trip

"This isn't that great. I think we just wasted a lot of money."  shirtlessin1stclass

Who Knew?

"The earth really is flat."  xiphias99

No One Can Hear You In Space

"Aw, dude. I just f*%&ing; farted in my spacesuit."  molotok_c_518


Very Punny

"Houston, I'm not sure I like this place. The scenery's nice but there's just no atmosphere... Badum-tish!"

"If you don't appreciate my sense of humor, I do Apollo-gise." Eoiny Gorazde

Cabin Fever

"Damn I'm tired. Thank god we're getting out of that sardine can. Oh sh*#. Are we broadcasting?"  MacNamedDre

Wipe Your Feet

"Oh, it's all sticky!"  AU_REVOIR_SHOSHANNA


Uh, oh...

"Why are there so many missiles flying across the pacific right now."  DocileFalla

Held For Ransom

"And to my right we see a monster."

"Apollo, could you please elaborate?"

"The monster got me. He's got my arm twisted behind my back - I think he knows jiujitsu. He wants you to leave 4 million... 4 million?... no- 5 million Deutschmarks in a paper bag by the Sea of Tranquility..."

"What's that? I don't know, the north shore for %#&'s sake!"  thehonestyfish Bandiredditer thehonestyfish RockyRockington

Mom Jokes

Armstrong: "Uh Houston you'll never guess what I can see?"

Houston: "Yes Neil, what do you see?"

Armstrong: "Houston I can see your mother's fat a** all the way from space."  Luke_McOck


German Space Program

"Heil Hitler!"

camera pans to reveal Nazi moon base  ThirdWheelExpert TheDonDelC

Alaskan Bull Worm

"Command, we are under attack! Hostile is extremely dangerous!"

"Apollo, what does the hostile look like?"

"I don't know, but it's BIG, SCARY, AND PINK!!"  SquadPoopy


"Neil A" Backwards is "Alien"

"My people, I have returned. I have brought with me a prisoner from earth. This moment is being broadcast live to the entire earth. KILL."  CB1984

Doggy Bag

"Oh come on, clean up after your dog!"  moronicuniform


We Are Not Alone

"Some footprints are already here."

"What strange looking feet though..."

"The f%&$ was that?!"

(Turns around)  Maccas75 DigNitty


It's become increasingly hard to get through a day without encountering a scam artist.

Be it an email where you've been told you won a non-existent prize, a fraudulent call from the IRS claiming there's a warrant issued for your arrest, or a neighborhood psychic, luring you in to tell you a terrible fate awaits you, but you have to pay hundreds of dollars more to find out what it is.

From snake oil salesmen to Ponzi schemes, scam artists have been around for ages, and will not be going anywhere any time soon.

And while our hearts break for anyone who falls victim to these horrendous acts of deception, there is also little that is more compelling than reading about some of the more outrageous scams which ever took place (Fyre Festival anyone).

Keep reading...Show less

Some Americans have been known to wish they lived elsewhere in the world, owing to certain things appearing to be much better handled elsewhere.

Up to and including healthcare, free education, cost of living, or simply the way they make pizza or coffee.

However, sometimes we must stop and remind ourselves that the grass is always greener in someone else's yard.

As there are plenty of people all over the world who wish they were living in the USA, believing that some things are simply done better in America.

Keep reading...Show less

There are very few people in the United States who don't indulge in fast food every once in a while.

Sometimes it's out of pleasure, taking an occasional indulgence in the delicious, salty, if less than healthy, treats the food chains provide.

Other times, it might be out of necessity, as it might be the only option while on the road or waiting in the airport after your flight was canceled for the second time.

But there are some fast food chains to which people have such an aversion to that they simply will not eat from them, even if it is literally the only option.

Making one almost wish that these places would go out of business, so that they will never even be an option.

Keep reading...Show less

What one person finds sexy is anther person's ick factor.

It's an eternal debate.

The mind, the heart, pheromones... it's a messy combo.

To each their own.

Keep reading...Show less