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People Imagine The Funniest Things To Say Before Getting Put Under Anesthesia

People Imagine The Funniest Things To Say Before Getting Put Under Anesthesia

People Imagine The Funniest Things To Say Before Getting Put Under Anesthesia

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Anesthesia is fun, it's ok, you can admit it. But before that milk of amnesia flows, what do you want to say? My gastroenterologist used to say, "see you on the inside" before a colonoscopy.

Jamarcus_Haag asked, What would be a funny thing to say to a surgeon before anesthesia kicks in 5 seconds later?

Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.

Narrator: it worked.

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Last thing I remember saying before a minor surgery, "I know what you're trying to do to me, and it's not gonna work."

What a great way to confuse people.

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Related: Penn Jillette told a story of someone he knows in the medical field who would count down with the patient as they go "under". The same person would be there as the patient regains consciousness and would continue counting from where they left off.

I remember my surgeon in April saying, "ok, now you're gonna..." then I woke up.

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I had seen two orthopedists for my seriously broken ankle. One was nice and pretty quiet, but the other one was an obnoxious smartass (I really liked him.) I thought the quiet one was doing my surgery but I was just about to go under when I saw this face looming over me. He was wearing a surgical mask but I saw the mischievous blue eyes and said "oh shit! It's YOU!" He responded with a maniacal laugh, and next thing I knew I woke up feeling like I was about to puke.

Waking up outside the operating room can throw you way off.

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I was having my wisdom teeth removed and as they were knocking me out they had set me up to the heart rate monitor. I then started playing with it by changing my breathing rate making it beep faster and slowing down. The last thing I remembered was the nurse asking if I was okay and I replied, "Yeah, just playing with the heart rate monitor." Midsentence I had knocked out and when I came back to, I was finishing what I was saying, but then realized I was in another room and had no memory of sleeping, so I suddenly screamed. "I TELEPORTED!"

There would definitely be a story to tell. Or would there?

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"Wake me up if I die."

After my first surgery, I woke up trying to order pizza from my mother.

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I was going on for brain surgery. They had given me the injection about a half hour before wheeling me into the OR, so I was pretty loopy when we got there. There was like 15 people in scrubs waiting. My wife reassured me, "Look, there's a whole army of people here to take care of you!"

I replied, "Oh no, how are we going to feed them?"

My gastroenterologist used to say, "see you on the inside."

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I had to go in for a colonoscopy, the awesomeness of getting old... As I was about to go under, I looked at the doctor and said: "safe word is waffle." He laughed and then I was out cold.

From the story it sounds like a premature discharge.

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I woke up very groggily from surgery to the nurse saying "You're about to be discharged, sweetie."

My croaking response: "Is it an honorable discharge?"

This kid got the good stuff.

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When I had my tonsils removed, my mom told me I said

"Where did all these spiders come from? " just like, out of nowhere a bit before I passed out.

I've said the same thing, and I distinctly remember laughter.

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I remember telling the nurse "I don't feel woozy at all stop chatting sh_t and operate" thank God I fell asleep straight after that.

I'll have what he's having. Why not make it an adventure?

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True story:

Had a few brain surgeries but before the last one, the anesthesiologist didn't properly secure my mask so I wasn't falling asleep. I was tripping out on fentanyl and just sat up and looked around. The doctors all surprise quickly because I'm supposed to be sleeping so they come over to fix the mask. I stop them and say (again, I'm tripping out on meds):

"Guys, guys, guys... wait, wait, wait - I'm serious here... Don't f_ck up" and then I start belly-laughing as hard as I ever had. I even had my brain-surgeon laughing himself to tears.

Speaking in tongues after surgery? What did they do to you?

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This was post-surgery, and I don't even remember doing this. When I woke up, I immediately started yelling "AGUA! AGUA!" (I don't speak Spanish). The nurse finally understood and asked me, "Do you mean water?" and I shouted back, "No, agua!"

I had a resident tell me, "I'll be working on you, it's my first day."

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The surgical nurses were laughing at something while I was wheeled in, so I said "Wow, sounds like a party in here. I guess I'm the piñata." I heard laughter as I blacked out.

When you're responsible to the bitter end.

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Before I went under I slurred, "one of you's gonna hafta drive I'm f_cked up" - brought the house down.

It can be intimidating having all those people watch, give them a show.

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True story. I was doing my clinical rounds for RN school at a surgical center. We saw a lot of colonoscopies that day. The very last one was a young guy....maybe 36ish. He was really timid about having nursing students watch his procedure, but the doctor assured him we would be professional and he said OK. Anesthesia was pushed in and they were rolling him on his side to start sticking the camera up his butt, when he whips around saying, "wait wait wait..." looks at us (me and another student nurse) and says, "My wife says I have an a** like a cherry!" We hold our laughs in, nurses turn him back around, then again he whips around: "wait wait wait!" Points at me with a shooting gun finger and says very coolly, "I'll see you (winks eye) up my BUTTHOOOOOOLE!!!" Then passes out. The doc busted out laughing and so did we. I like to tell that story to anyone that's going to get a colonoscopy hahaha!!!

Morphine really can take you places.

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I woke up after the anesthesia and I remember the nurses laughing at me because I thought I was the medic in Saving Private Ryan. What did I say? "Mmmmmmmm-morphine, I've been hit!"

My name is "let's get this over with."

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When I was going in for a hernia surgery, the hospital had a practice of asking you to confirm your name, birthday, and reason you're here multiple times before you go under.

The last time they asked as the anesthesiologist held the mask, I replied "surgical male enhancement", to which she laughed and put the mask on anyway.

Talk about driving on a 'high'way...

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I was getting surgery and was awake being wheeled into the OR. At the time I was a younger kid, who loved Mario Kart, so when my gurney started getting pushed down the hall I sat up, held my hands like a steering wheel, said "It's a me, Mario!", and then made driving sound effects all the way to the OR, where my surgeon burst out laughing seeing me wheeled in like that.

You've been warned, have that coffee ready.

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Before my last surgery: "keep your distance, I don't wake up nice."

They asked me what that meant when I woke up afterward. And then I had to tell them I'd punched a nurse after a previous surgery because I'd woken up while I was still intubated.

What could possibly go wrong?

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I had knee surgery right after Michael Jackson died. The doc said to me, "This is what Michael Jackson used to go to sleep." I did not find it funny and was very mad for about four seconds.

People Share The Weirdest Facts They Know

Reddit user Former_Ladder9969 asked: 'What is a weird fact you know for some reason?'

Man explaining weird theory
Photo by Usman Yousaf on Unsplash

We've all heard some things that sound too good to be true, but we've also certainly heard some things that were too weird to be true.

But as strange as they might sound, from weird scientific facts to things that people have done to animals that actually exist outside of a distant, mystical realm, there are some things that are simply, stranger than fiction.

Curious about others' takes, Redditor Former_Ladder9969 asked:

"What is a weird fact you know for some reason?"

The Draw of the Deck

"The King of Hearts is the only king without a mustache."

- MR_dizzaster

"He's also sticking a sword in his head."

- Uwumeshu

"He was shaving and missed."

- puneralissimo

Random Facts About Strangers

"Diddy, the music artist, doesn’t like the way towels feel on his skin. So instead of drying off like a normal person after a shower, he walks around his house to air dry instead."

"Why do I know this?"

"Because for some reason, this was a fact given during an old show on VH1 called 'Pop Up Videos,' where they would play a music video with random facts being shown throughout. I have zero idea why of all the vital things I should have stored in my memory, this was one that stuck after all these years."

- dabking24

Spacial Awareness

"Australia is wider than the moon."

- MrSatanachia

"I can't decide if I'm more amazed that the moon is actually way smaller than I imagined, or that Australia is way bigger than I imagined."

- 5Beans6

"This is my confusion, lol (laughing out loud)."

- TheTinyHandsofTRex

That's Commitment

"Crabs have a muscle that enables them to release their claw if they have to."

- Norwegianxrp

"It took me an incredibly long time to realize this means like… fully release it, like remove it from their body. I thought it just meant release the grip they have."

- wowowaoa

Mystical Representation

"The national animal of Scotland is a Unicorn."

- Batmans-dragon80

"Yes, that’s true. Mainly because we have so many of them roaming wild in the glens. Chasing the Haggi and avoiding Nessie."

- Bri1311

Education through Music

"Because of a song that used to constantly play on the radio I have it pretty well memorized that there are 86,400 seconds in the average day."

- Vanilla_Neko

"Because of a song on the radio, I learned that the minimum expectation for displays of love can be measured in 500 miles."

- Slight_Bodybuilder25

Where the Grass is Greener... and Newer

"There were no grasses on the earth when dinosaurs were here."

- Snowfl4ke85

"During the Jurassic and the Early Cretaceous, the higher flora was dominated by cycads, ginkgoes, conifers, and ferns. Other groups of plants included extinct seed plants with fern-like foliage. The exact origins of flowering plants are uncertain, although evidence suggests that they are not closely related to any group of modern non-flowering plants."

"Flowering plants underwent rapid radiation beginning around the middle of the Cretaceous period, and makeup around 90% of living plant species today. With the spread of these plants came the decline of previously dominant groups such as conifers. During the Cretaceous, ferns would also begin to diversify."

"The oldest known fossils of grasses are from the Early Cretaceous, with the family having diversified into modern groups by the end of the Cretaceous. The oldest large flowering trees are known from the Late Cretaceous, with the trunk having a preserved diameter of one-point-eight meters and an estimated height of 50 meters."

- UnexpectedDinoLesson

Weird Way to Say Hello

"Manatees control their buoyancy by farting. Toot toot, floaty sea cow."

- Plane-Vacation-1228

"Wait, so those bubbles you see on the water surface that signify their presence are...?"

- DismalDude77

Goals for Building the Longest Train...

"There's no maximum length to a train, you just add another engine."

- TrueGritt90

"That tracks."

- Snedro

The Smallest Philosopher

"That dead ants produce a pheromone that alerts the other ants that they need to move them to the ant graveyard."

"If a drop of this pheromone is placed on a live ant, it will take itself to the graveyard and stay there until the pheromone dissipates."

- Jessi_L_1324

"The ant: Am I dead?"

- Professional_Stay748

"That ant would make a great philosopher."

- skatalite2020

High-Risk Flights

"Some military helicopters on aircraft carriers are made of magnesium and should they catch fire, it's literally impossible to put them out as the magnesium will take the oxygen from the water and use that to keep burning."

"So the only thing that can be done is to push them overboard and even as they sink they will continue to burn until the magnesium is completely burned up."

- Strange_Stage1311

The First Scapegoat

"Some tribes of ancient people used to tie up a goat, whisper their sins to it, then allow it to 'accidentally' escape so it would carry their sins away and thus resolve them of guilt."

"It was, literally, their 'escape goat,' and that's where the term 'scapegoat' comes from."

- TheAbyssGazesAlso

The Power of Percentages

"Percentages can be reversed."

"For example, five percent of ten is ten percent of five."

- Routine_Leading_4757

"43 years and I'm only learning this now."

- TheMechTech80

Wordy Phobias

"The fear of long words is called 'hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia.'

- Illustrious_Hawk_734

"Also, the fear of palindromes is called 'aibohphobia,' which just goes to show that the people who name phobias are a**holes."

- PhoenixMason13

"The question is, who even has a fear of palindromes?"

- ConduckKing

"Eve, Bob, and Hannah."

- Lostarchitorture

Not only are these facts unexpected, but it's wild to think that some of them are true.

But the simple, plain truth is that the truth is always all that simple. It can be weird and hard to believe, and yet, there it is.

Person holding up magnet of Florida
Done By Alex/Unsplash

In all deference to the people of Florida, the Sunshine State is not known for being the ideal place to live.

Aside from being a major tourist destination and an escape from the cold weather months in other parts of the country, the retirement refuge is reputable as being problematic and the butt of a joke for a number of reasons.

But the real kicker is the frequency at which many Florida residents make headlines for unhinged behavior earning them the label of "Florida Man," prompting the rest of the U.S. to shake their heads and remark, "Only in Florida."

Curious to hear about other parts of the world that have a similar reputation, Redditor Ltimbombo asked:

"What is the 'Florida' of Europe?"

These are almost, but not quite, Florida.

The "Crazy Sh*t" Stereotype

"In what sense? Spain's Costa del Sol ticks the 'entitled retiree destination' box but the 'people inexplicably doing crazy sh*t' stereotype firmly belongs to Russia."

– epeeist

Deutscheland

"Adam Carolla used to have a segment on his radio show called 'Florida or Germany' where he would read newspaper articles of strange crimes and callers would guess if it took place in Florida or Germany. I thought it was entertaining."

– CurvySmokeShow

It's A Zoo Out There

"As a Florida Man who has found an Alligator in my backyard before (no joke, this is serious) I’d definitely have to say Russia."

– anon

"I’ve had 2 pythons show up in the yard of the house I grew up in, years before it was widely known how invasive they were."

"Never got a gator though."

– Sss00099

Talking Geography

"In that the Ural mountains are the technical dividing line between Europe and Asia, I'll have to go with Western Russia. In particular, you could overlay Florida on top of the part of Russia that spans from Voronezh to Saratov and then down to Volgograd."

– themistergraves

Gotta love some o' the Brits.

Im-Posh-ters

"When I was in Barcelona this past June I had the opportunity to witness a young, trashy British couple act as though they were posh. It was then that I realized that the British are the Floridians of Europe."

– mattswa

"Ohhh trashy Brits are on another level, you have to see it to believe it lol."

– YetiPie

Defined By TV Shows

"I was in Dublin last summer, met some Brits from Leeds and they literally asked the Irish guy I was hanging out with if they had the same queen. Then when it came up I was american one of the women shrieked and said 'Young Sheldon’s me favorite tv show' and Jesus Christ I couldn’t help but laugh"

– BureaucraticHotboi

Admittedly Floridian

"Florida is kinda stupid for stupid’s sake. Here in the UK we tell ourselves we are civilised, refined, smart and in control while still doing equally stupid stuff."

– npri0r

Making Up For Size

"Blackpool, England. Admittedly it's on a smaller scale but what it lacks in size, it makes it up in STD rates, welfare distribution and average tooth count."

– DavosLostFingers

"Fun fact! Blackpool is the only city in the uk with the same average lifespan as the US!"

– TinyChairty4151

Feels Like Home

"I went on holiday to Britain, driving the whole island. Some seagulls nicked my chips and my pastie in Blackpool while some guy vomited into a trash can next to me. Same exact thing happened to me in Miami (swap the pastie for a taco). So ya this checks out."

– sothatsathingnow

Meanwhile, over in the Mediterranean...

Cretins

"It’s probably Greece and specifically Crete. People like to go there for vacation, it’s hot and all the people own guns and are conservative religious madlads."

– SpaceAgeIsLate

Italiano

"Italy, it's hot, full of tourist, and has a history of going facist."

– weedtrek

"And it's the wang of Europe."

– swash_mcbuckle

Looks like every Floridians are not alone in their tainted reputation thanks to the number of people who had to ruin everything.

But one thing seems certain.

It's doesn't seem to be about what's in the water Floridians drink.

There are several things in this life we know to be rare, resulting in millions of people seeking them out, or taking the opportunity to enjoy them.

These include seeing a solar or lunar eclipse, vintage bottles of wine, the first issue of a comic book, or being upgraded to first class without warning.

Sometimes, however, we take for granted certain things we just assume are part of daily life which are, in fact, quite rare.

Be it an uninterrupted night's sleep, a life-threatening illness, or a old recording on our DVR (or, for that matter a VHS!), some things we think can be enjoyed or could happen to anyone might be much harder to come by than we think.

Redditor f*ckandfrolic was curious to learn all about the seemingly everyday things that are, in fact, anything but common, leading them to ask:

"What is far more rare than people realize?"

Or, Perhaps, The Vaccines Are What Made It Rare?

"Tetanus."

"We get vaccines for it, but it's actually a bit harder to get than you may believe."- pheat0n

Meow

"Solid brown fur cats, apparently it’s some kind of recessive gene in them."- TheJadedSF

"We have a male tortoiseshell cat."

"Cat people tend to know they’re quite rare but others probably don’t."- Tacoma__Crow

In Love Cat GIFGiphy

You Never Know Who Your Friends Really Are...

"People who remain friends with you once you leave school."- GrockleKaug

"Good, honest friends who don’t have ulterior motives."

"The ones that genuinely enjoy your company and friendship."

"Hold onto them!"- ZealousidealWealth88

Think Carefully About The Last Time You Saw One...

"Blimps."

"I live in northeast Ohio near the Goodyear hangar."

"We see them all the time."

"I had to pull up a list, that northeast Ohio has 3 out of 4 operating Goodyear blimps named Wingfoot 1 2 and 3."

"Only maybe 12 are operating anywhere in the world, with a total of 25 existing at all."

"But we see them all the time at Wingfoot lake disc golf course."- Worried_Place_917·

good year zeppelin GIF by DiggGiphy

Making Others Green With Envy?

"Green eyes make up just two percent of the global population."- New-Tomorrow-4309

Not A Routine Occurrence

"Northern lights."

"The amount of people I’ve heard say: 'We’ve come all this way, what time do they come on?' Is staggering."- The_Town_of_Canada

Amen!

"Bit of peace and f*cking quiet."- Winoforevr1

Taking A Long, Hard Look At Ourselves...

"Humility and an understanding that we’re sometimes the victim and sometimes the perpetrator."

"No one is ever just one or the other."- Fitandfriendlydude

Money Talks

"Being a multi-millionaire."

"Lots of people faking it out here."- tab_completion

Some Might Say Thinking In General...

"Critical thinking skills."- hstarbird11

Thinking Think GIF by Rodney DangerfieldGiphy

Sobering Reality

"Clean water."

'My son and I have been discussing this lately."

"He is a chemical engineer and works exclusively with water."

"Many of the studies he has been published on also have to do with clean water and forever chemicals."

"Water is a huge issue that is becoming bigger everyday and normal people are forgetting about it."

"Flint Michigan is in year 9!"- No-Fishing5325

Rare, Or A Myth?

"A stable, loving, peaceful domestic life."- reginapinsley

In Dreams, Maybe...

"Absolute silence and being in a place where no man-made light exists."- whiskey_formymen

black and white dark GIFGiphy

Perhaps we can all rest a little easier knowing that some things that keep us up at night worrying are actually not a big deal in the slightest.

Or, next time we see and experience something truly beautiful, we might want to stop and truly take it in.

For all we know, we just experienced something that was truly once in a lifetime.


Two young boys are having a pillow fight
Photo by Allen Taylor

Parents are meant to teach offspring how to survive in this world.

They're meant to guide us on how to be a good member of society.

But either some parents fail, or too many adults don't get the message.

And all that can lead to a mighty dysfunctional adult.

Redditor spirallinggg wanted to hear about the ways we can decipher if others have bad parenting, so they asked:

"What immediately tells you that a person wasn't raised right?"

Basic human decency is a sign of a good upbringing.

Garbage

"They throw trash out a car window."

shershae

"I live on a busy road and I’m so sick of people throwing their trash in front of my house. Some guy tosses out a tall boy beer nearly every workday. I can’t wait to move. Also- so many cigarette butts! We live in a high fire hazard area so I’m worried one of these days they’ll start a fire. I try to go pick up litter twice a month."

Pinkmongoose

Random Aisles

"People who dump refrigerated grocery products on random aisles."

glockops

"I work in a grocery store. The best one I saw was someone who ordered a hot pizza from our pizza station, which is made-to-order. Then abandoned it in the cooler with the refrigerated take-and-bake pizzas we have."

"I get finding stuff from our service case abandoned, it's already cold and our prices are much higher than some people think (the last abandoned item I found was a $20 container of our fresh fruit salad [which comes in pre-cut]), but the pizza station has set menu prices, they should have known what they were getting into before they ordered."

weedtrek

Be Responsible

"Lack of personal accountability. they can never admit wrongdoing on their part. it's always someone else's fault."

Sona-kin

I always told my kids that a mistake doesn't define who you are... but what you do AFTER the mistake DOES. We're human. We're gonna screw up throughout our lives. It's unavoidable. What we can control, however, is choosing to apologize, fix the situation, make amends, etc."

nakedwithoutmyhoodie

Rude

Mean Girls Gossip GIF by Paramount MoviesGiphy

"When they talk badly about someone who hasn’t done anything wrong behind their back."

flowerzforthedead

THIS. I've seen coworkers talking behind the backs of new employees and drawing conclusions about every aspect of their lives. Like, you've seen that person for three days, you MF.

Cold-Load-4388

If you can't say it to their face, then don't say it.

Why do people have to crap talk?

Check Please

Escalate Customer Service GIF by FILMRISEGiphy

"Being super rude to people in any service profession. There is a time and place for actual, appropriate complaints but I see people constantly abuse service staff for no damn reason. Hell, even using 'please' and 'thank you' seems beyond some people. Bums me out."

CaptainLawyerDude

Others

"Lack of consideration for others."

NewVAinvestor1

"A lot of people do not fundamentally understand other people exist. They understand things exist. They understand those things should be referred to as people. But they do not understand those things have an entire existence and experience all their own exactly like them."

Sh3lls

No!

"When they can't take no for an answer."

NerdyPlaneResident

"I'm going to step up and admit to being guilty of this. For the longest time, I had it in my head that persistence pays off. Some of that was pop culture, some of that was tenacity in other areas of my life being rewarded, and then applying that to interpersonal relationships. Older and wiser me, though is more along the lines of learning to let go. It's still a struggle though, working against that original conditioning."

SergeantPsycho

Professions

"When someone looks down at others based on what they do. That just clearly shows that they've learned the same thing from their caregivers."

Leekayleigh_

"Oh yes. My husband took on a second job doing pizza deliveries. A few people laughed at him doing that at his age. They don't laugh when he explains his main job is simple and, deliveries are just driving blasting tunes and adds $900 a month after tax to our income. Then they see all the travel. Usually shuts them up."

CurvePuzzleheaded361

Offensive

For Real Wow GIF by DeStormGiphy

"Zero manners."'

Fuzzteam7

"I took a guy to a family beach condo because he says he never goes to the beach. Let him tag along with our group. Never said thank you one time. I dropped him back off at his house, and I said can you at least say thanks, he was so offended I asked or was trying to force a thank you."

berrey7

"BUT"

"When someone apologizes, and then adds a but onto it. For example, my boss held a meeting among the kitchen staff where he apologized for his attitude, and then added 'But you guys need to understand that I'm a no-bulls**t kind of person.' No sir, that's not how apologies work."

GimmickInfringement1

I hate a BUT.

Either you mean what you offer or don't say it.