People Imagine The Funniest Things To Say Before Getting Put Under Anesthesia[rebelmouse-image 18354387 is_animated_gif=
Anesthesia is fun, it's ok, you can admit it. But before that milk of amnesia flows, what do you want to say? My gastroenterologist used to say, "see you on the inside" before a colonoscopy.
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
Narrator: it worked.[rebelmouse-image 18354388 is_animated_gif=
Last thing I remember saying before a minor surgery, "I know what you're trying to do to me, and it's not gonna work."
What a great way to confuse people.[rebelmouse-image 18354389 is_animated_gif=
Related: Penn Jillette told a story of someone he knows in the medical field who would count down with the patient as they go "under". The same person would be there as the patient regains consciousness and would continue counting from where they left off.
I remember my surgeon in April saying, "ok, now you're gonna..." then I woke up.[rebelmouse-image 18354390 is_animated_gif=
I had seen two orthopedists for my seriously broken ankle. One was nice and pretty quiet, but the other one was an obnoxious smartass (I really liked him.) I thought the quiet one was doing my surgery but I was just about to go under when I saw this face looming over me. He was wearing a surgical mask but I saw the mischievous blue eyes and said "oh shit! It's YOU!" He responded with a maniacal laugh, and next thing I knew I woke up feeling like I was about to puke.
Waking up outside the operating room can throw you way off.[rebelmouse-image 18354391 is_animated_gif=
I was having my wisdom teeth removed and as they were knocking me out they had set me up to the heart rate monitor. I then started playing with it by changing my breathing rate making it beep faster and slowing down. The last thing I remembered was the nurse asking if I was okay and I replied, "Yeah, just playing with the heart rate monitor." Midsentence I had knocked out and when I came back to, I was finishing what I was saying, but then realized I was in another room and had no memory of sleeping, so I suddenly screamed. "I TELEPORTED!"
There would definitely be a story to tell. Or would there?[rebelmouse-image 18354393 is_animated_gif=
"Wake me up if I die."
After my first surgery, I woke up trying to order pizza from my mother.[rebelmouse-image 18354394 is_animated_gif=
I was going on for brain surgery. They had given me the injection about a half hour before wheeling me into the OR, so I was pretty loopy when we got there. There was like 15 people in scrubs waiting. My wife reassured me, "Look, there's a whole army of people here to take care of you!"
I replied, "Oh no, how are we going to feed them?"
My gastroenterologist used to say, "see you on the inside."[rebelmouse-image 18354395 is_animated_gif=
I had to go in for a colonoscopy, the awesomeness of getting old... As I was about to go under, I looked at the doctor and said: "safe word is waffle." He laughed and then I was out cold.
From the story it sounds like a premature discharge.[rebelmouse-image 18354396 is_animated_gif=
I woke up very groggily from surgery to the nurse saying "You're about to be discharged, sweetie."
My croaking response: "Is it an honorable discharge?"
This kid got the good stuff.[rebelmouse-image 18354397 is_animated_gif=
When I had my tonsils removed, my mom told me I said
"Where did all these spiders come from? " just like, out of nowhere a bit before I passed out.
I've said the same thing, and I distinctly remember laughter.[rebelmouse-image 18354398 is_animated_gif=
I remember telling the nurse "I don't feel woozy at all stop chatting sh_t and operate" thank God I fell asleep straight after that.
I'll have what he's having. Why not make it an adventure?[rebelmouse-image 18354399 is_animated_gif=
Had a few brain surgeries but before the last one, the anesthesiologist didn't properly secure my mask so I wasn't falling asleep. I was tripping out on fentanyl and just sat up and looked around. The doctors all surprise quickly because I'm supposed to be sleeping so they come over to fix the mask. I stop them and say (again, I'm tripping out on meds):
"Guys, guys, guys... wait, wait, wait - I'm serious here... Don't f_ck up" and then I start belly-laughing as hard as I ever had. I even had my brain-surgeon laughing himself to tears.
Speaking in tongues after surgery? What did they do to you?[rebelmouse-image 18345656 is_animated_gif=
This was post-surgery, and I don't even remember doing this. When I woke up, I immediately started yelling "AGUA! AGUA!" (I don't speak Spanish). The nurse finally understood and asked me, "Do you mean water?" and I shouted back, "No, agua!"
I had a resident tell me, "I'll be working on you, it's my first day."[rebelmouse-image 18354400 is_animated_gif=
The surgical nurses were laughing at something while I was wheeled in, so I said "Wow, sounds like a party in here. I guess I'm the piñata." I heard laughter as I blacked out.
When you're responsible to the bitter end.[rebelmouse-image 18354401 is_animated_gif=
Before I went under I slurred, "one of you's gonna hafta drive I'm f_cked up" - brought the house down.
It can be intimidating having all those people watch, give them a show.[rebelmouse-image 18354402 is_animated_gif=
True story. I was doing my clinical rounds for RN school at a surgical center. We saw a lot of colonoscopies that day. The very last one was a young guy....maybe 36ish. He was really timid about having nursing students watch his procedure, but the doctor assured him we would be professional and he said OK. Anesthesia was pushed in and they were rolling him on his side to start sticking the camera up his butt, when he whips around saying, "wait wait wait..." looks at us (me and another student nurse) and says, "My wife says I have an a** like a cherry!" We hold our laughs in, nurses turn him back around, then again he whips around: "wait wait wait!" Points at me with a shooting gun finger and says very coolly, "I'll see you (winks eye) up my BUTTHOOOOOOLE!!!" Then passes out. The doc busted out laughing and so did we. I like to tell that story to anyone that's going to get a colonoscopy hahaha!!!
Morphine really can take you places.[rebelmouse-image 18354403 is_animated_gif=
I woke up after the anesthesia and I remember the nurses laughing at me because I thought I was the medic in Saving Private Ryan. What did I say? "Mmmmmmmm-morphine, I've been hit!"
My name is "let's get this over with."[rebelmouse-image 18354404 is_animated_gif=
When I was going in for a hernia surgery, the hospital had a practice of asking you to confirm your name, birthday, and reason you're here multiple times before you go under.
The last time they asked as the anesthesiologist held the mask, I replied "surgical male enhancement", to which she laughed and put the mask on anyway.
Talk about driving on a 'high'way...[rebelmouse-image 18354405 is_animated_gif=
I was getting surgery and was awake being wheeled into the OR. At the time I was a younger kid, who loved Mario Kart, so when my gurney started getting pushed down the hall I sat up, held my hands like a steering wheel, said "It's a me, Mario!", and then made driving sound effects all the way to the OR, where my surgeon burst out laughing seeing me wheeled in like that.
You've been warned, have that coffee ready.[rebelmouse-image 18354406 is_animated_gif=
Before my last surgery: "keep your distance, I don't wake up nice."
They asked me what that meant when I woke up afterward. And then I had to tell them I'd punched a nurse after a previous surgery because I'd woken up while I was still intubated.
What could possibly go wrong?[rebelmouse-image 18354407 is_animated_gif=
I had knee surgery right after Michael Jackson died. The doc said to me, "This is what Michael Jackson used to go to sleep." I did not find it funny and was very mad for about four seconds.
Friendships are one the most important and intimate connections young people make. Friends are the people you are close to, who you grow up with, and who are always there for you when you need them.
A majority of people have best friends. That's the one friend who you trust and love above everyone else. The one who has proven he'll always be there for you and the one you're ready to drop everything for.
However, not all friendships are meant to last. Sometimes, one or both of you will change. Other times, you'll just drift apart. And sometimes, the friendship will end because of malicious actions. Redditors seem to have a lot of those stories!
Curious about what broke apart once strong friendships, Redditor gli-tc-h asked:
"People of reddit what ended your friendship with your best friend?"
Work And Friendships Do Not Mix
"I gave one of my best friends a job at my convinince store when he was down on his luck. He worked in his dad's shop previously for like 6.50 an hour and his dad was toxic so he quit and came to work for me till je got a better job. The inferiority complex kicked in and he started talking down to me and talking about how I was spoiled and a daddy's boy "my dad gave me the shop.""
"I paid him the best money he ever made and he would routinely go off on me for perceived managerial issues or start stupid arguments with customers like not selling kids toy guns because they would be at risk and not selling cigarettes or beer to pregnant women, which I understand is a personal choice but as a business I can't just refuse to sell people sh*t their allowed to buy legally. Covid hit and he became a huge antimasker and I finally fired him after a huge blowout about me trying to establish a mask policy. He's a marine now and got married to a girl he knew for two weeks. We still talk but I've never trusted him since. It sucks because I think he was just like me but from a worse situation. If I was in his shoes maybe I would be way worse."
"I got tired of always being the one to put forth any effort. Fly across the world to meet up, attend family gatherings, reach out, be patient, make sacrifice. It was good times when we were together. So it was worth it for a while but when she moved close and still never bothered to make an effort, I was over it. Wish her nothing but the best."
Not A Real Friend
"When I realized he was a bully. I just wanted his friendship and attention, and then I realized he was using me for kicks."
"I put up with his bullsh*t because I wanted to be liked."
Neither A Borrower Nor A Lender Be
"After 14 years of friendship we get an apartment and suddenly he loses his job as a personal trainer because of a dress code violation (he wore a hoodie to work, allegedly) and then 2-3 months of him not working. Then after he agreed to pay me back eventually, all he ever gave me was $400 from his mom (I paid over 14,000 for the year). So I paid the full year lease and he stayed 8 months total. I never talked to him again also because I found a receipt where he was trying to make a copy of my car keys make and model. F*CK THAT GUY"
Flirting With Disaster
"Every single time that I would tell her I was interested in/talking to a guy, she would try to get with him. She was never successful but it hurt that she kept trying. I confronted her about this in a very nice and civil way and explained to her how I felt about this. She apologized profusely and promised it would never happened again. And then it happened again. I just immediately cut her off after that, no explanation or words needed. She knows what she did. Haven't spoken a word to her since"
Just Didn't Mesh Well
"Took an international vacation where we realized we hated damn near everything each other did the whole time. Realized year of seeing each other 1-2 times a month made us hardly know each other."
Me, Myself, & I
"Just made a post about this but she uses me as a therapist but when I try to vent to her, she gives me a few cliche words of support before turning the conversation back to her. It's gotten to the point where we don't talk unless she has a bad day and needs someone to talk to. She'll take days or even a week to respond to a funny meme but then immediately start dumping on me about things going on on her life. I'll invite her out to have fun and within a few hours, I'm being her life coach."
"Also, we just started to grow apart. She's turned into her parents and her parents are the typical snobby surban people that are extremely judgemental."
"She didn't invite me to her birthday party. It was my first time back from college and I would have been able to go. She made a whole Facebook event page and invited everybody but me. I found out through mutual friends, the kicker was no one showed up and she called me crying that this other girl didn't show up."
"A friend did something similar when he didn't invite me to his wedding. He called me years later apologizing when he needed to vent about his marriage."
A Passive Lady Macbeth
"My husband at the time had to step away from his job because he was dealing with pretty severe mental health issues. We had a young child and I was a stay-at-home mom and it was really devastating not only financially, but socially as a lot of our social life revolved around his job and work friends."
"I was really good friends with a coworker’s wife. The coworker moved into my husband’s (higher up) position when my husband had to resign. We had to sell our home since we couldn’t make the mortgage payment anymore. The friend came to help me pack, and while doing so told me that they always knew this would happen because the Lord had revealed it to the husband in a dream several years earlier. They had basically been waiting around for my husband to “fail” so that coworker could “succeed” and fulfill the Lord’s prophesy."
"Yeah no. Said goodbye to her, moved out of state, and never looked back. I won’t tolerate people using religion to be dicks."
"I’m a leap year baby, I try to make a big deal of my bday since it only comes every four years. My 24th, I booked a beach house to spend it with my family, my other best friend and her. Told her two months in advanced. Paid for everything and family took care of the food, so all she had to do was show up. The day comes and she said she couldn’t come cause she couldn’t get off work early enough (we were there on a Thursday-Sunday) so I thought she’d at least make an effort to come on the weekends. She never came. Then a week later, she tweets that she’s compulsively took time off work to watch F1. Felt like she couldn’t even make time for me but can make time to watch cars racing."
It's never easy or fun to lose a friendship, but it is sometimes part of life.
Sometimes, it's something that will always haunt you, but you can learn from that. And other times, it's just a way of expelling toxicity from your life, and you can find better friends who will enrich your life.
One's teenage years are almost guaranteed to come with ups and downs.
With adulthood fast approaching, many spend those years enjoying their vanishing youth and living life to the fullest.
All the while undergoing significant physical and emotional change.
So, it's natural that everyone looks back on several fond memories of being a teenager, along with things we try to forget, or wish we handled differently.
As a result, we can't help but wish we could go back and give advice to our younger selves.
Redditor alexjuby211 was curious to hear what people believed to be the best advice offered to any teenagers today, leading them to ask:
"What are some great tips for teenagers?"
Don't underestimate a sparkling smile.
"Brush your teeth."
"They may seem fine for a while but It'll catch up to you fast."- DonttouchmethereUwU
Just be yourself!
"The coolest thing you can do is stop trying to be cool."- fortwenie
You have a lot to look forward to.
"Remember that 'right now' is not forever."
"The teenage years are just one small chapter in the book of your life!"- lovealert911Dawsons Creek Crying Dawson GIF by HULUGiphy
Ramen will get old very quickly...
"Learn to cook."- Catscratchingcats
Put Yourself First
"Invest in you."
"Not someone else."
"I should clarify."
'I’m not talking about money."
"I’m talking about investing time and energy into yourself."
"Learn and understand yourself."
"This is so important for teenagers."
"I’ve been there."
"I know it’s difficult growing up and I can’t imagine how much more difficult it is in the age of social media."
"Your own mental, emotional, and physical health should be at the top of your priority list."- PBandJellyJesusChill Reaction GIF by MOST EXPENSIVESTGiphy
Keep your friends close
"Figure out who your good friends are and try to keep in contact."- radpandaparty
Don't enable bullies.
"Stand up to bullies."
"Even if you’re not the one being picked on."
"I regret not doing more for kids that really struggled in school."
'Reading Reddit posts made me realize how terrible school can be when you’re alone or bullied.'- knovit
Be open, but selective.
"Say no to peer pressure but say yes to more experiences."- BecauseitstuesdayDo It Life GIF by Denyse®Giphy
Take it in stride
"Don't be afraid of rejection."
"Take it in stride and keep on trying."
"Don't be like me and intentionally emotionally cripple yourself for life."- Picard2331
All teenagers are bound to make some mistakes that they will regret five or so years later.
Which might even include not listening to their elders.
Any other tips to share? Let us know in the comments below?
Marriages fail for many reasons.
The truth is that many of them are avoidable reasons.
I always wonder what is at the crux of the dissolution of a love story.
Or maybe it's all like Buffy and Angel.
One partner will never have access to a full soul.
Whitney was right... "I'd rather be alone than unhappy!"
Redditor Kztten wanted to hear the confessions of divorced couples about why they split.
"Divorced people of Reddit, what ruined your marriage?"
I've never been married. And after what I'm about to read, who knows if I'll ever want to be.
I Saw the Signs
"I truly believe a midlife crisis... not the kind that buying a convertible would fix it. I saw weird little signs for about a year and then wham! He wants out! Not only does he want out, but he also doesn't even communicate with our 2, now adult, children. The whole thing was bizarre and still is all these years later."
No big blow up...
"My ex and I just came to the realization that we were completely incompatible. No big blow-up. No cheating. Just a long conversation, a few tears and an agreement to separate for three months to see what comes of it. By the end of three months, we knew we wouldn’t be getting back together and we put the house on the market and started to make plans for a future apart but as co-parents."
"These days the kids are grown but him, his wife and I get along very well. She was an amazing other mother to my girls and I appreciate everything she did for them when they were at their home. I think the three of us made a great parenting team."
"That guy I was told not to worry about. Turns out I was right to worry."
"Yea, I had that experience too. When he confronted me he made this weird face that seemed to say, 'How DARE you suggest that?' But it was all there- they walked home together, always went to lunch together, went mountain rock climbing together."
"I was never invited along, even tho I worked 10 mins away and could have met them, etc. She used to come to ours all the time for dinner parties but was with someone so thought nothing of it, just another couple. This was a long time ago and I've remarried since then but I'm still a bit uneasy doing things with other couples."
It is what it is...
"It's currently in the process of ending. My wife of 11 years and partner of 16 had an affair with our 9 year old daughters best friend's Dad. I tried very hard to make it work, but she is done with me and it's time to focus on my kiddos and care for myself."
"You already seem to have a healthy attitude in trying to focus your energy on yourself and your kids rather than wasting it on the other person anymore. Best of luck!"
I thought love was forever. How silly was I?
"About ten years ago, I got sick and eventually had to leave work. And then I got really sick and couldn't go back. My ex wife had to take on a caretaker role and I became a dependent. I'm much better now, but I was sick for so long that our relationship couldn't change back to a partnership."
"We were working on it, and then the pandemic happened. We were locked down for a few months and neither of us had our usual escapes. We decided to separate on our own terms while we were still friends. We now have a very supportive friendship, but our marriage is done."
dealing in yaba...
"When the police put the cuffs on her and took her away for 25 to life. Looking back on it from 10 years later, best day ever. Got an easy divorce and full custody of my son. She's Thai, we were living in Thailand. While I was at work in O & G she decided to start dealing in yaba. A South East Asia form of meth. She got set up by the police as an easy visible we're tough on drugs scam. She went down, cops got a photo opp, she's on year 11, and my son and I moved to Canada. I'm Canadian by the way."
"My first husband couldn’t accept that I was individual, rather than an extension of himself. He couldn’t handle me doing anything independently - he’d pout for days and lash out passive-aggressively. It was exhausting."
"I’m in this exact situation. My girlfriend would start acting annoyed anytime I do anything without her, specially visiting my parents or friends, or going to wash my car. I’m just exhausted to death by this. Heart problems increased because of this. I just can’t take it anymore."
"Picking the wrong person to begin with. In retrospect, red flags were there early. Several years in, I heard someone say - one of the clear things showing a marriage is in decline is when one partner speaks poorly of the other in front of third parties. My spouse did that while we were still dating."
"And yes, stupid me still walked down the aisle anyway. When you have on rose colored glasses, all the red flags... just look like flags. Bad communication, lack of respect, lack of forgiveness, lack of humility, no boundaries, never apologizing, I could go on. The last several years were just constant fighting."
"Son of divorced parents. Married for almost 30 years. Ended it when they were well into their 50s. Although it wasn’t my marriage, children are often collateral damage unfortunately. We see it all. Sorry, this will sound a little rambly:"
"I always wondered why mom slept in one room and dad the other. Dad drank too much and would pass out on the couch."
"Mom had tons of baggage from her childhood, they both did. Never did anything of merit to address it. They never worked as a team. There was never a joint decision. Communication was yelling. Everything was a crisis, no matter how insignificant. I still have a f**ked up trauma response because of that.
"I go into panic mode at the drop of a hat. I’m getting better, though. Ultimately, it was 2 very damaged people who went through life in coexistence always settling for less. I love my parents and thank them for the life they gave me. I’m happy that they’re happy now. It wasn’t easy getting there, though."
Well, this is just a big PSA for the single life.
Do you have similar experiences? Let us know in the comments below.
Thanks to the internet and social media, it's never been easier to become famous.
Indeed, some people have used social media to such an effect, that they are as or more well known than any number of movie stars.
But others might have put something on the internet just for fun, unaware that they had a viral sensation on their hands ("Charlie bit my finger" anyone?).
Some people soak in this unexpected fame for a moment or two, and then let it pass as they go on with their lives.
Others, however, might enjoy being unexpectedly famous, and will relish in their unexpected celebrity for the rest of their lives.
No matter how small an audience their internet fame reached.
Redditor JesseB342 was eager to hear examples of when a tiny bit of internet fame resulted in an expanded ego, leading them to ask:
"What’s the smallest amount of internet fame / clout that you’ve seen go to someone’s head?'
Blink and you'll miss them.
"Friend was in a video at a car meet that went viral back say 2011-2012."
"He said like 8 words and couldn’t see him but you could hear him."
"He would go around telling people after he is 'famous' for being in a viral YouTube video."
"I was like 'if you have to announce you are famous, you might not be as famous as you think Broski'."- HoneyMussy4goodBoy
It made the movie!
"My dad's collection of vintage drinking glasses were used in 'The Mothman Prophecies'."
"His glasses made the movie much better.:
"Just ask him, he'll tell you."- cleonavarro
Anyone remember MySpace?
"I made a fairly successful MySpace type quiz once.'
'Over a million people took it. I put that on my resume.''- effieokaySocial Media Hearts GIF by Flamingo ServicesGiphy
"Remember when I did that thing? No? Well, you should!"
"A guy from my hometown who was sort of a skeezeball helped some elderly folks escape a fire."
'The act itself was commendable and he deserved the recognition he received in local media and he went viral for a week or two."
'But uh….5 plus years after the fact he was still using that as a way to try to get out of tickets or being cut off at the local bars after refusing to pay tabs."
"My brother encountered his Instagram recently and his self-description says something like 'Unspoken hero, DM me for details."
Fame can't get you everything.
"I work for a company that books luxury travel, think $20,000 packages."
"A woman contacted us wanting a free trip in exchange for posting it on her blog, proudly proclaiming that she had 800 followers."
"My coworkers' dog photo account has more followers."- AnastasiaSheppard
Even if he's not wrong.
"That dude telling Keanu Reeves that he's breathtaking."
"He would later comment on other stuff whenever breathtaking was mentioned, as if he was the one that came up with the word and made it his thing."- Sir_MoonDoggyKeanu Reeves Reaction GIFGiphy
Big ego making up for other shortcomings?...
"The guy from TikTok dancing in that parade to 'I’m just thinking with my d*ck'.”
"He went home to Indianapolis and started doing meet and greets with people at local car dealerships lol."- jkaycola
It happens to the best of us...
"I entered a blog competition to my uni the summer before I started.'
"I won, and myself and two others were given a free laptop on the understanding we'd keep publishing blogs as 'Insiders' for the uni to use as a marketing tool."
"I put one up a week, and enjoyed it."
"They were decently entertaining and linked to on the uni website, but probably got no more than a few dozen reads."
"On my birthday a few months into the year the bouncers at a club wouldn't let me in as I appeared too drunk."
"I got into a pedantic argument with them about whether the pavement was public property or not, then shouted at them I was going to write about it in my Uni-sanctioned blog."
"I woke up hungover the next day and did not write about the incident in my uni-sanctioned blog."- Fascinatedwithfire
It's one way of putting yourself out there...
"Any amount of sound cloud rappers that get a few hundred views and a few mates gassing them up and think they've found their calling."
"Source, I have to produce them."
"Money is money tho."- EddieHxtlerurban hip hop GIFGiphy
Bad sportsmanship will never pay off...
"Back in the day when I played Wow there was a guy on my server who had a tiny amount of name recognition."
"He was good at the game and spent a lot of time and energy organizing things."
"People on the server knew him and would ask for his help, or show him deference in order to get his attention on things."
"One day he put together an optional raid and at the end of the raid a particularly rare item dropped."
"Instead of an open roll - which was the standard at the time - he simply gave the item to his friend."
'When people complained, he said something like, 'I'm so and so, I'm the most important raid leader on this server, you're all lucky to even be here right now, so shut up and deal with it'."
'Well screenshots were taken and links were sent around."
"Dude ended up transferring off the server less than a week later because nobody would give him the time of day."- shaidyn
We all like being recognized for an accomplishment.
But rather than let fame get to our heads, it's important to use that fame for good.
Particularly if you can reach as many as 100 followers to make a difference.