It's fun to sit around and imagine, isn't it?
Or maybe you win the lottery. It doesn't matter. The point is there's a lot of things you can do with a billion dollars, so with everything going on in the world, let's take a fun trip down imaginary lane.
Reddit user, u/BrAwLeR-FoReVeR, wanted to know what's at the top of your Buy List when they asked:
What would you first do if you ever became a billionaire?
These are the people who would help the world continue running, keeping the sails on the ship and the car on the road. They spend their money responsibly, reasonably, and with caution.
Maybe a little boring, but extremely necessary.
The Bare Minimum
"Turn on double verification in my bank account"
"Bank account or bank accounts?"
"It's so unlikely to become an accidental billionaire, but basically this, the only way to survive it is to create a company that runs your life and has multiple employees. Your attorneys, accountants, drivers and security detail. You are now the CEO of a small company that is dedicated to your safety."
YAS. BOOKS.
"I would buy a series of book I've always wanted. It's the "Handbook of the mammals of the World", which is a nine book series with information on every mammal species. It may sound silly but hey, I'm a simple guy. Those are very expensive books"
Doing Things For Others As Well As Yourself
"This will sound cliche.
Take care of friends and family.
Invest majority.
Travel for remainder of my life."
"You would be popular for taking care of your friends and it's a good thing to do, but i feel like it would get weird once the word gets out. You might suddenly find yourself surrounded by a lot of long-lost friends."
People Explain The Worst Thing That's Ever Happened To Them On Their Birthday
Of course, if you've been gifted billions of dollars you don't have to go down the reasonable route. Instead you could take all of your money and do something silly with it. Something obnoxious.
Something cliché.
Running Down The Checklist
"Donate a couple million each to my parents, grandparents, in-laws, and my two best friends.
Buy 2 big houses. But not TOO big. Not like mansions or anything, who needs all that space? Just nice, posh 5-bedroom houses. One near where my parents live and one near where my in-laws live (200 miles apart). Then me and my husband can spend equal time in both places.
Get a really posh, top of the range electric car."
"Get my teeth straightened and whitened. Get laser eye surgery. Pay for a hair transplant for my husband (I love him bald, but he really wants one).
Hire a stylist, a cleaner, a live-in chef and a personal trainer. Clean myself up a bit, you know.
However much money is left, keep about 200 million of it, and donate the rest to various charities. Then just spend the rest of my life travelling with my husband, staying in the fanciest hotels and seeing the world."
Somewhere To Retire
"Buy a farm and a bunch of land. and spend some money on animals or build a bunker or both."
A Whole Lot Of Nothing
"Nothing, with that kind of money I could afford not to do anything for a while."
"Anyone with a billion dollars who is still working is a psychopath."
Politics, Everyone!
"Buy two senators and make them fight."
"They are surprisingly cheap; can you get a few more and let the rest of us watch?"
Start A Lot Of Beef With A Lot Of People
"I'd employ a law firm that semi-exclusively litigated my petty squabbles with the world. False advertising. Cop car paint colors. Whatever else that bothers me."
There's no explanation for these ones.
They say money makes you eccentric and these people's dream purchases are evidence of the existence of that idea.
Who's Gonna Stop You?
"I would never tell anyone and pull money out of my @ss when i need it."
@ss pennies do give a certain amount of confidence."
Just To Rub Salt In The Emotional Wound
"Call my ex spouse to share the happy news."
A Way To Live Till The End
"I would build myself a marijuana farm somewhere on the island and move there to live :)I don't need anything else in my life except cannabis and a house on the beach by the sea :)"
Sounds Like A YA Novel In The Making
"I'd build a Hunger Games theme park complete with an Arena and invite 24 children a year."
"Invite"
That's Some Fancy Ketchup, Bro
"I'd still eat Kraft Dinner but with really expensive ketchups. Dijon ketchup."
"And an emu. I bet you always wanted an emu."
Dream big. Have fun conceptualizing your future.
Just don't dream of a death match for kids. That's probably not an ideal way to spend your cash.
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The Absolute Worst Things Someone Can Say After Sex
Reddit user AMGBOI69420 asked: 'What’s the worst thing you can say right after having sex?'
Who knows the perfect thing to utter after a night of carnal passion?
It's especially vexing after a first time together.
All that anticipation and wonder can be surpassed or completely destroyed.
So often, every syllable can count.
But there is certainly a list of what not to do in these situations.
And... they're pretty basic.
Redditor AMGBOI69420 wanted to discuss all the best ways to ruin the moment, so they asked:
"What’s the worst thing you can say right after having sex?"
The worst I have ever said to someone is, "Morning. Sorry, I forgot your name."
Oh BOO!!
Friends Tv GIFGiphy"My ex-husband was a virgin when we met. After his first time, he said, 'I don't know why people seem to enjoy that so much.'"
"THANKS, BOO."
StrangersWithAndi
Wow Really?!
"True story..."
"My partner and I of 8 years lost our virginities to each other. He grew up in a very sex-sheltered home and I grew up in a sex-positive one. We waited until our second-year anniversary, as we wanted to make sure he was ready before we started."
"We had sex and I thought it was great, but he gets up and puts his underwear back on, muttering."
"'That wasn't worth it.'"
"God d**n it hurt, but he was referring to the anxiety he had over sex, not the sex itself. We laugh about it now."
Eas_Mackenzie
I Tried
"I think I'll go back to being gay."
AlertWar2945
"Reminds me of an episode of King of the Hill where Hank finds out Peggy lost her virginity to her friend to see if he was really gay."
"I just remember Peggy talking about how unsure he was about it but after doing the deed with her how extremely sure he was that he was gay."
No-Significance2113
Check
"Now let’s go over your performance review."
repwin1
"You joke but I had a guy send me a Google form after sex so I could give him feedback on how he did."
single-left-sock
"Honestly though that would be hilarious. Like after you're done you reach under the bed and pull out a clipboard with a bunch of things in a checklist and a review section, then sign and stamp it and give it to them."
yamanamawa
I wish I could say I believe that no person could say these things, but... I know people.
Why cheat? Why?
No Touching
"From a former FWB who never cuddled after sex and when I asked him once he said he had to leave to 'defrost some hot dogs for a party tomorrow' …a party that I wasn’t even invited to."
FishyBricky
"I mean, if he communicated with you that he did not want to cuddle and did not want anything deeper than just sex, I don't see why you'd be upset. It's really important to communicate each other's intentions before doing it."
DrizzlyEarth175
"To be fair, cuddling after sex releases oxytocin, which can increase bonding in ‘couples.’ FWB was probably scared of catching feelings."
"F**king hot dogs though!? 😆 that’s funny (now)."
ScumBunny
Keep it in the Family
"Pretty good but your mom was better."
tempestae
"I have said this. Or close. Got into a relationship with a girl whose mum, ten years previously I had hooked up with orally. She knew and thought it was funny. In fact one Xmas she was doing Xmas Dinner. Said 'Dan, mum will be here in an hour... help me in the kitchen. I'm not leaving you two in a room together.'"
rumbunkshus
Introductions
Big Brother What GIF by Big Brother After DarkGiphy"What's your name again?"
Leocut78
"I had a girl ask me what HER name was right before. I had no idea. She didn’t leave (or tell me her name)."
PredictBaseballBot
I’ll never forget...
"Not sure if it’s the worst but I know it hurt. I was dating this guy is hs, a varsity jock, and really cute. I could’ve sworn he had women, anyways we start dating. The first time we hooked up it sucked so bad, I looked him dead in the eye and asked him if he was a virgin. I swear the look on his face is something I’ll never forget."
AuraRiver
Well that is a whole lot of therapy bills.
I get that sometimes words just fall out of our mouths, but Lord show a little decorum.
Whether we want to think so or not, we all have something to be proud of.
We've all accomplished something or are good at something that we can easily say not everyone can do.
But some of those abilities might be a little more strangely received than others.
Curious and ready to side-eye, Redditor Alynatek asked:
"What is a weird flex you are proud of?"
Impressive
"I’ve finished three chapsticks in a row without losing them."
- ferocious_coug
Organic Advertising
"I went viral and got a million+ views on YouTube in 2007 for a silly rap about the Nintendo Wii I made out of boredom, before that was a common thing, and before there were ads on YouTube."
"My video was featured on the front page of YT, on 'Attack of the Show,' and at Nintendo's E3 press conference that year, and was one of the first hundred videos available on the iPhone (since iOS didn't support Flash video at the time)."
"And while I felt like the coolest kid in town and at my campus for a period, I made exactly $0 for it."
- razmig
True Crime in Real Life
"I have survived a murder attempt and a run-in with a literal serial killer."
"In college, my roommate was the RA (Residential Assistant), and a mentally unstable student tried to kill him with cyanide. I got dose strong enough to kill but a sub in my first class of the morning was a nurse and she's the only reason I'm alive."
"I also had a run-in with Derek Todd Lee when he was active in Baton Rouge."
- Flailing_Aimlessly
"I'm mostly shocked that the murder attempt and the serial killer encounter were two different stories."
- conspicuousnips
Any Creative's Dream
"One of my favorite composers, Chris Christodoulou, responded to an email I sent him asking for feedback on a cover I did of his track, 'The Rain Formerly Known As Purple.'"
"It was a lengthy and insightful response, and it really did make the six months of working on it all worthwhile."
- Ayershole
A Complete Turnaround
"After 30 years of being a couch potato, I started running in my fifties. 11 months later, I did a half marathon in a decent time for someone half my age."
- Cheap_Woodpecker
Imitation Is the Highest Form of Praise
"I can mimic the sounds of birds, get all the birds in the area to start singing, and even get them to seek out the 'big bird.' It's kinda funny to have them completely change their song when they realize I am not a bird, almost screeching at me sometimes (especially catbirds)."
- DaSpawn
Avoiding the Sock Gods
"I'm 35 and my socks never came out unpaired out of the washing machine!"
- FlannyCake
"You are either making stuff up or are cheating by having only one foot."
- SosseV
"I light up a candle for the socks gods every time I load the washing machine."
- FlannyCake
The Joy Is in the Journey
"I walked from Mexico to Canada once."
- SPACEC0YOTE
Kicking Some Cancer Butt
"I'm CURED (not just remission) of what could be considered the most 'aggressive' type cancer known to man (most aggressive is not to be confused with most deadly). Either way, I'm still alive, b***hes!"
- zlmxtd
"Congratulations! I have metastatic colon cancer. They were able to remove most of the tumors but there are metastases that are not operable. After a huge surgery, terrible chemo, and three hospitalizations, a few weeks ago, they told me that the disease is stable, so for now I'm still here."
"I'm doing sports again, and I can eat and drink normally!"
- CryptoNarco
Breaking Generational Cycles
"I'm not an addict and my kids (age eight) have never been in foster care or involved with child protective services."
"I come from a long line of addicts... and though I don't have a high-paying job, I do work and provide above and beyond what my parents ever did, without government aid."
"I'm also nine years sober from hard drugs."
"I broke the cycle."
- GigglingPixie
The Best Shrimp and Grits
"I can turn my arm all the way around 360 degrees, and I make some of the best shrimp and grits you’ll ever have."
- Sad-bisexual-cryptid
"Now I know why my shrimp and grits never turn out right. I’ve been facing the stove."
- niels_nitely
Increasing the Number of People Who Will Try This
"I can squeeze my butt cheeks so tight it cracks my tailbone like cracking your knuckles."
- DroppedDonut
"A weird flex, BUTT okay."
- Vercci
One of the Greats
"My class was working on a short film together with professionals, and I was an editor."
"I got to work with the original editor of 'Lego Ninjago,' seasons one through three, on my class short film."
- ExternalCommon8854
Swimming the Gap
"I swam the gap between Sicily and mainland Italy."
- Happy_Improvement_96
"I just climbed the stairs from the ground level to floor three, and I only got a little bit winded. I'm probably ready for this."
- dandroid126
Undefeated Team
"Undefeated seven- and eight-year-old little league baseball coach!"
"Especially proud because I was given what they thought was a castaway squad. Our tactics were non-conventional, but we freaking crushed it!"
- NotNotRandySavage
While some of these weird flexes were indeed weird or unexpected, some of these were genuinely shocking or impressive.
A fun goal to have in life is to come up with a fun fact about yourself that could start a conversation with nearly anyone, and some of these Redditors have certainly achieved that.
It's commonly pointed out that two subjects that will put a strain on any marriage or long-term relationship are money and sex.
But some people have pointed out that the relationship doesn't have to stop just because the sex did.
Redditor Sorry_Emu5567, asked:
"Under what circumstances would you stay in a sexless marriage?"
Life Is Too Short
"My partner was born with a medical condition that cut his lifespan in half. In the end, he will most likely have a ton of health problems, and sex may not be in the equation for whatever reason."
"He is my best friend. I will love him, and care for him until the end, and then past the end. I don’t care if I have to change his diaper and wipe his a**. I don’t care if dementia comes for him. I’ll be there holding his hand."
- muddya**locus
Healing Time
"My husband broke his neck (he has fully recovered), but we spent about six months with me helping him shower and wiping his a** while his nerves and his bones healed."
"Sex was the last thing on my mind when I was helping him recover. We didn't do it for a WHILE."
"I didn't care! He's my best friend, all I cared about was making sure he was okay. Sex isn't that important, INTIMACY is, and you can achieve intimacy in many other ways than just f**king."
- erin_bex
A Plethora of Activities
"Our marriage is based on mutual admiration and respect. We actually can't stand to be apart."
Sex is just one thing we enjoy about each other, we'd miss it if it were gone, but we have 100 other things we do together for joy."
- rebcabin-r
The Cancer Diagnosis
"My late wife had cancer and sex stopped. She felt extremely guilty about it. I was too terrified to care about sex."
- WingZombie
Valuing Touch
"I think, for your average person, that sex isn't the ONLY thing, not even the MOST important thing, but it's still important for many."
"One of the things I learned relatively late in life is that 90% of what I want is just to touch and be touched. Sure, sex is really nice, but often I wonder if the problem isn't 'no sex,' but rather it's, 'she won't even touch me and doesn't like being touched by me.'"
- npsimons
Chronic Pain and More
"I stayed when my wife was diagnosed with estrogen+ Stage IV breast cancer that had already spread to her spine, liver, and pelvis. Our daughter had just turned six, and our son wasn't even one year old."
"Part of the treatment intended to prolong her life was to artificially induce menopause to cut off estrogen in an attempt to reduce the mechanism the tumor could 'feed' upon, if you will."
"Up to that point, we didn't know why she was in so much back pain and I had been pretty down about the absence of a previously robust sex life... but then it all, sadly, became too clear. She went from wanting it but being in pain to literally zero drive whatsoever."
"We got 20 more months together. She passed in Sept 2019, 20 months after Stage IV diagnosis."
- DGSolar
True Story
"A marriage without sex can last if there is still love, commitment, laughter, friendship, loyalty, and communication."
- zzz_red
The Realities of Life
"I think when people view all sexless marriages with horror, they’re forgetting that, if you intend marriage to be forever, it’s a LONG time."
"People get sick, work schedules get bad, kids exhaust you, and hormones are a godd**ned b***h (f**king perimenopause)."
"You have to make sure you communicate enough so one person isn’t just feeling totally abandoned, but when it’s something like mutual exhaustion, sometimes it just happens and it really can just be a phase."
- justtheretosavestuff
Accidents Happen
"If my partner got injured and was incapable of having or enjoying sex anymore, it isn’t their fault, and although I would miss it TERRIBLY and probably feel a little miserable every time I got horny, it wasn’t a choice they made to leave our sexual side behind. Why would I leave someone I loved dearly for something they couldn’t help?"
- Tablesafety
Sleep Schedule
"People get busy, and they start prioritizing sleep over sex. We both do it. Then you get used to it. Then it’s just not something we talk about anymore."
- AllAfterIncinerators
In It For the Long Haul
"If my partner was incapable of performing, I would absolutely stay. He is my everything. We are partners, best friends, and lovers. Sex is only one part of the equation and the other parts more than make up for it."
"We have had issues over the years on both sides (not gonna go into details), so when I say I would not leave and also he would not, we have already faced this question so we know the answer."
"Just because one partner can’t perform, doesn’t mean the other loses their sexuality completely. You can self-perform so to speak. You still can still have intimacy. There are still a lot of things that can be done. Just full-on two-person traditional sex is out, which doesn’t have to be a game changer if you have communication between partners."
"Source: Been married 30 years."
- Drachenfuer
The Opposite is Worse
"It's gonna sound cheesy as all h**l, but when someone becomes your family, best friend, and loved one, sex is just a part of that intimacy and having fun with your partner."
"You can also be in a marriage with sex and no intimacy, which in my honest opinion, is WORSE than a sexless marriage where you still have intimacy."
- yea_nah448
In Sickness and In Health
"When we will be old, I think it’s going to be different, and sex will not be as important, so probably at that point."
"And if my husband became very ill or had an accident that would make it impossible for him to have sex, then I would stay in a sexless marriage."
"It’s in sickness and in health."
- Hekatevenstar
"My 80-year-old Grandfather bought my 80-year-old Grandmother lingerie for Valentine’s Day and then told us about it at dinner. Lol (laughing out loud)."
- SolarStar2950
Their Penguin
"My marriage is the best thing that ever happened to me. My husband is the greatest person I have ever met, and hanging out with him is literally what I live for."
"If he suddenly decided he never wanted to have sex again, I would definitely stay."
"He is my penguin, my life partner, and life without him would be unbearable."
- F**kingButteredJorts
Their #1 For Life
"My wife and I do not have sex regularly, but that's my f**king #1, homie."
"If I divorced her, I'd lose my best friend. That s**t ain't worth it. Pornhub is free, but 15 years of friendship, inside jokes, memories, laughs, and someone to watch s**tty horror movies with me is priceless."
- photoyoyo
Sex is going to play a vital role in many marriages, and intimacy in the bedroom will be enough to end a marriage for some.
But for others, it wasn't a matter of ending the relationship, but simply allowing it to pivot with the changes in their circumstances. Like letting our partners grow and growing with them, they allowed the marriage to change and grow, too.
All significant others have one type of idiosyncratic behavior that can be easily overlooked.
While the unique characteristic can be annoying, it can also be a charming attribute that makes your loved one extra special to you because it's harmless.
However, there are some behaviors that are unacceptable and can signal the end of relationships.
Red flags aren't as easily negotiable and can be a strong indicator that your partner may not be worth investing in.
Curious to hear from strangers about their hard limits, Redditor WoodenInevitable1574 asked:
"What is one red flag in a partner that negates all green flags for you?"
These red flags are mainly representative of how people treat others.
Meaness
"Cruelty. People can hide it pretty well sometimes but when you see it, it’s best to dip."
– anon
"Sometimes it's hard to distinguish between a human being dumb or being cruel."
– ERSTF
Dramatics
"Victim complex and being rude to people."
– WouldUKindlyDMBoobs
"Just ended a friendship I’ve had with someone since kindergarten due to this."
"She was always the hero or the victim (ya know, always the martyr), and it was always about her. Sad that it ended after so long but I couldn’t take it anymore, and I hated feeling like a hypocrite, calling myself her friend while growing to resent her more and more each day."
– kgriff112
The One-Upper
"Oooh victim complex is a good one."
"Had a girlfriend once where literally no matter what you spoke of or what anybody else spoke of. She had a dozen stories about how her life is far worse than yours and would only talk about her medical issues, it would get brought up legit over 50 times in a day. It was always worse near other people too."
"Girl, I get it, you have had a less than ideal life. But making your entire Personality based around it is insufferable. Shut up and let other people speak for once."
– bumliveronions
You can never trust these kinds of people in relationships. If you spot this red flag, run the other way.
Liars
"Dishonesty."
– pretty_monotonous
"Of course, because then the green flags may all be false."
– sketchysketchist
Taking Daddy's Money
"Was dating a girl and all of the sudden she had way more spending money than what she was earning. I ultimately found out that her dad sent her a check for her college tuition at the private university she was enrolled at, but she dropped several of the classes for ones at the local community college she could get transfer credit for at a fraction of the cost."
"Yeah, embezzling from your dad is not a good sign in a long term partner or spouse."
– tacknosaddle
Schemer
"Malicious Manipulation of any form."
– PsychologicalRing959
These behaviors are unacceptable and can be problematic for the relationship.
"What they say about people behind their back."
– Street_Piece8194
Tossin' Trash
"Littering. Like blatantly. Throwing trash out of a car window, for example. It's my pet peeve. Of course, I'd point it out to them first and see if they stopped doing it, but it would still be a huge red flag to me."
– Hippycowgirl411
Anger Issues
"Extreme outburst of anger."
– itzrx
"Too many people let this go because they saw their parents do it."
– DeepInternet
Excuse For Rage
"Relationship with anger for me. Some people have conditions where they might have a brief verbal outburst they can’t control at first. But if they can get it under control and apologize, then they aren’t committed to their feelings of anger."
"But if they’re the kind of person who gets angry, knowing they’re wrong, but keep pushing because they’re angry and stubborn. The kind of person who gets angry and says 'my emotions are valid' and uses it to justify their actions. The kind of person who decides to hold onto every 'wrong' in a relationship to use in the next argument. Those are commitments to excusing their anger."
– ClassicAF23
The Center Of The Universe
"Over the top solipsism. That 'I don't perceive it that way, so it cannot be true' mentality."
– UnoriginalUse
As someone mentioned above, dishonesty is THE major red flag for me.
If a person can't be honest with me about the most basic things, what makes them think they have my trust down the line?
Like, what are they hiding? No, thanks to playing reindeer games.