What is a dream? You can't trade your dream in for another one. Those are the immortal words of the glorious Viola Davis. They were part of her speech for her SAG Award win. And Viola is always right.
Dreams are a necessary contribution to life. We can't control them, often they tend to control us. Our hopes for our lives effortlessly without thought meld into what feels like a destiny, so of course we have to chase them to the bitter end, and it can be a very.... bitter end for many. Dreams aren't easy to attain. It seems unfair. When one has a calling, their should be a blueprint on how to get to it. So this makes "the chase" quite a ride.
Redditor u/Un13roken wanted everyone to share about the ups and downs, successes and failures of chasing that elusive life "dream" by asking.... To those who 'followed you dreams', where are you now?I'm Out
the good wife fight GIF by CBS All AccessGiphyDreamed of becoming lawyer, hated it, now in the process of changing careers. Been a lawyer for about 3 years. Prosecuted for the first two before jumping ship and doing 3rd party now. I am kind of lucky and didn't go into debt during undergrad/law school (GI Bill) its just a grind and I'm not happy so figure why not.
Canine Bond
During the day I walk dogs. I get paid money to hang out with dogs. I also get a fair amount of light exercise every day. I get to listen to music or podcasts or audiobooks while getting paid. I'm my own boss all day. I wake up when I want to. Dogs love me because they know I'm the guy coming to play and give treats. And at nighttime I deliver pizza. So I just show up to peoples houses and get cash for driving around listening to more music or podcasts or whatever. It's a great paying gig. And adults and children alike love when I come to the door. Because I'm the guy who gives treats.
It's a cycle of rewarding behaviors.
Edit: I should also note that the pizza gig has gotten me a few dog gigs because I'll meet their dog at the door or know how to handle it when it comes out barking at me and then offer my services. The dog usually loves me immediately because I smell like pizza. It's a win-win.
Walmart came for me....
I started a business, sold it to Walmart, and now I'm 33 and retired.
Started my business with $2k from a scholarship while in college, and at the time my mom said, "don't do it, that's too much money!"
Side note: we've always lived below the poverty line.
Made $869k in the first year, then exponentially grew from there. Then I guess Walmart thought I was encroaching on their space and bought me out.
Bought my mom a house and car and retired her as well. :)
Extreme Success
like a boss win GIFGiphyI didn't follow anything, but I have a family member who moved out to Hollywood from the Midwest on a whim, with the dream of becoming a stunt man, and is now a highly successful stuntman, and the richest person in our extended family by a massive margin.
So uh, follow your dreams I guess?
"screw it, this is my life not theirs"
For awhile I tried pursuing a number of career paths my parents deemed appropriate (aka super profitable), including legal and IT but I got burned out very easily and my heart wasn't in it. Was very depressed and uninterested in what I was doing.
Finally said "screw it, this is my life not theirs" and found a job that has more creative freedom. Definitely don't regret it. Doesn't pay as well as the jobs my parents wanted me to have, but I have less stress and more energy these days to pursue my interests and hobbies.
It's not my dream job but I make enough to pay all the bills and save a little each month, plus comes with health benefits.
Best piece of advice I ever got: if you are lucky enough to find a job that you get fulfillment and joy out of, that's great. There's also nothing wrong with getting a job that maybe isn't exciting but gives you enough financial security to be happy and keep following your dreams.
Always Chasing....
I remember being told when I was younger that I wasn't expected to be able to live independently (I have Aspergers). I live to prove that sentiment wrong: living an independent life is one step of my dream, with subsequent steps to become fulfilled.
Had some close calls over the years – almost ended up homeless twice – and suffered with a lot of mental illness. Worked a lot of crap jobs within the food industry, had a few failed relationships.
I've yet to find the fulfillment I am looking for, but for the first time in my adult life it feels reachable and realistic.
Now I'm chasing some sort of job in agriculture or horticulture. I've volunteered at a produce garden for just over a year now and being out in the open, amongst nature, makes me feel great.
Everyday Drag
I went through two tragedies... I lost my sister (she was murdered by her husband in front of me) and two weeks later, I lost my 5 month old son to SIDS; so I decided to pick myself up and follow my dream of wrenching. Went to college for it and everything! First worked on light duty vehicles, in a shop that I barely made any money and hated it.
Went onto being a diesel mechanic and currently am in a position of which everyone hates me (presumably because I'm still new, and I'm a woman in man's world) at my workplace, and I have no respect. Currently looking into finding a new career path to live out my true dream, of a happy, adventurous life with my SO and my dogs! Still employed, but everyday is a drag, because everything I do is scrutinized.
PR Fail
never mind GIF by Scout DurwoodGiphyMy dream was to grow up have a stable marriage and raise kids. While I do enjoy my job and I've successfully moved from one career to the next a few times I wouldn't say it was my "dream".
One of the saddest things to me is seeing people I worked with in advertising being so angry and feeling betrayed that that industry didn't take care of them. It is one of the crappiest most amoral businesses you can conceive of and yet apparently there are people who "dream" of working in it.
Go Seahawks!
I'm still young and trying to figure out what the hell I wanna do with my life but my cousin tried chasing an NFL contract, and actually landed one. He plays for the Seattle Seahawks now.
Just pick something obtainable and go for it. Don't over-think it. If you're young, you can always change course later.
Truth = Power
Happy Yes It Is GIFGiphy"Follow your dream!" is not good advice. "Follow your dream by learning as much about the process of becoming a success as you can so you don't become a failure!" is far, far better advice.
and I still play games.....
Living with my gamer wife in my own house with 3 cats and a sweet gaming pc. My dream was always to continue gaming online and working as little as possible. Family always saying to get a job and go out and find a GF but I didn't really enjoy clubs or pubs etc. Few years back I asked someone in my guild if she liked me and she said yes.
This got me to get a job and what was originally just something to get money turned out to be an awesome job and now she is living with me and are 1 year married. My dream wasn't something spectacular but my dream of gaming online turned into something awesome... and I still play games.
Not so Great
Season 5 Whatever GIF by CBS All AccessGiphySister got into her favorite college, moved to her favorite city, working at a job she always talked about growing up.
Honestly, I don't envy her at all. It broke her mentally and financially.
Starting Over
Dreamed of moving to Europe and starting over. I was really shy growing up, and wanted to move to a new country and reinvent myself. To some extent, I did. I moved to Germany, did a year at a Studienkolleg, which was essentially a preparatory course that got me used to the school system and taught me German, and now I'm applying to Uni. I essentially went from incredibly introverted to incredibly extroverted.
I went from the guy that would stay in on a Friday night to study for an upcoming exam to one that would book a joyride to Berlin on a whim and end up waking up in the wrong hostel. It was definitely a good decision, because I can decide things for myself now. I'm actually independent, for better or worse.
be creative
I finally published a number of fiction novels and still working EMS. I love emergency medicine. Being able to help people as well as share my creativity and stories is pretty amazing. I'm glad I chased what I wanted.
Broken
Wanted to be a teacher and make a difference. Now 2 years out of teaching, unemployed, getting over a drinking problem and have massive social anxiety. Teaching broke me and now I just want to be left alone. Some dream, huh?
The Stage
daveed diggs hamilton GIFGiphyI'm currently (well before Covid) performing on cruise ship as a dancer on huge scale shows! It's amazing that I get to do the thing in life that I'm most passionate about and travel across Europe all while getting paid for it. It's also great that I don't have to house in the UK as my contracts are normally 4 months on 2 months off (I stay with my parents or rent when I'm off)! I'm living out my childhood dream and I'm also recording self tapes for west end shows!
Relationships...
My first dream was to be married to someone who challenges me to do better every day.
Married now, and don't need a job now because my husband has a well enough paying job so now I can work on my mental health while getting my crafting business off the ground and not worry about paying bills,
THOUSANDS OF BOXES
I invested my savings and retirement into starting a company, made a massive deposit with an Indian manufacturer, they developed and produced my product...
Now they won't send it to me because they are mad I got mad they wouldn't send it to me so now they won't send it. They sent a hundred boxes (only) and photos so yes the product exists and is ready to ship. Of course they want more money which I don't owe them.
How can I owe/pay them more money if I can't sell the THOUSANDS OF BOXES of product they refuse to send me?!!? They are being fools out of spite because I got mad they were being uncooperative... because they messed up prior shipments too (samples delayed for months, he ghosted me for two weeks, constant lying...)
Yes. So now everything lays around me in tatters and... WTF am I supposed to do?
Things that Sparkle....
I dreamed of being a jeweler since i was 16... I became One. But i am One of those people, who hate to sell... I love making, creating, sometimes getting peoples dreams come true. But i hate and even physically can't do marketing if selling... For The past 8years i managed to survive in that. I could feed myself and pay my bills. But that was that... Finally Covid hit, I got dumped in two months unpaid holidays with no savings.
And i made up my mind. Į found myself some simple, medium wage computer job from home, working 2 twelve hour days and getting 2 days off. I'm gonna keep jewelry as a hobby, put more time for my other art projects and just survive on a stable salary. Flipped my life in the past month... Panic attacks stopped, so I'm fine now and will see where ill end up. Art is almost never a good carrier plan, but is perfect hobby.
Catching babies....
baby documentary GIF by SundanceNOW DocClubGiphyI followed my dreams to become a midwife. Now I'm entering my second year of school and I'll be catching babies this winter. It hasn't been easy and the program is tough. I can't believe I made it this far. The hardest part is the school admission. The program is cutthroat and really competitive.
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Redditor _ReDd1T_UsEr wanted to discuss the reasons why many of us decided to cut some people out of our lives, so they asked:
"What was the reason why your friendship ended with someone?"
Sometimes a person just has to go.
Planning Stages
Weekend Sunday GIF by DisneyGiphy"I stopped being the first to always initiate plans, and that was that."
Witty-Surround-6541
"I once asked a friend to plan our next breakfast + walk outing, since I always did that. He wrote me a letter ending the friendship. Stunning!"
fermat9996
Pants on Fire
"Habitual lying became too annoying and disruptive to tolerate."
Hosscatticus_Dad523
"When you constantly are thinking... this math ain't matching lol. People that lie all the time make me sick. I've told multiple friends that you don't have to lie to me."
"I feel so much better when someone can trust me and feel comfortable telling me a hard truth than an easy lie."
"Even if the truth made me feel some type of way, I'm still glad it was honest. I've even said thank you to people in the past that have been honest with me, good or bad! Some people just can not help lying about things. I wouldn't be able to ever keep a story straight if I did that."
__eden_
Bad Behavior
"He kept having kids with different girls and bailing on them. Coming from a 'went out for a pack of smokes' Dad myself, I just couldn't watch it anymore. Bailed after the third one. Think he's up to 6 now."
KingGuy420
"Reminds me of one of my ex-friends. She kept having kids with MULTIPLE guys (all of them were one-night stands), I don't think she even knows who the baby daddies are."
"She also kept begging me and people for money for pot, and she also bragged about having OnlyFans. She'd also make up stories about being in an abusive relationship with her boyfriend (she'd also cheat on him/tell people her and him they broke up, which they weren't)."
wisconsinking
Reasons
"I was a bad person and they ended it for perfectly sensible reasons. I would have done the same. I've changed, but I don't blame them for not reconsidering contact."
tabletopsidekick
"I’ve been there. I was a bad person and lost friendships and family relationships. I tried to apologize to everyone I hurt."
PDXGalMeow
"I also accepted that they don’t want me in their lives anymore. I learned that I made my mistakes, I learned from them, and I accept their choices. I don’t self-hate anymore and I try to be a better person in general. I hope you are doing well and practicing self-love and forgiveness."
PDXGalMeow
Money Issues
Donald Duck Money GIFGiphy"I lent them $20 and then they avoided me so they didn’t have to pay me back. Worth the $20."
BuickAssault
"I don't ever expect prompt returns of small amounts of money between my friends... we all buy each other rounds or buy the food for the BBQ or whatever. It ends up evening out over time I think we'd notice though if someone was always taking and never giving and then they'd probably get cut off too."
Badloss
In the immortal words of Cyndi Lauper... "Money Changes Everything."
Lack of Support
Happy Planning GIFGiphy"She joined a pyramid scheme selling butt-ugly leggings and it took over her whole life. When I finally told her it was negatively affecting our friendship, she accused me of not supporting her 'business.'"
LeftandLeaving9006
Oh Driver
"I was basically a taxi for my friends so I dumped them all."
Bullfrog_Little
"This one I can understand but depends on the situation. Not all of my friends had cars in high school, so our group needed to have me and my sh*tty '94 Plymouth Sundance come, or they couldn't do anything. I didn't mind at all then, but I definitely would these days."
Hoopajoops
"I remember I used to drive around with my buddies all the time before they had licenses. When one of my friends got his and a car I said sweet now you can drive me around for a bit, he replied that he wasn't gonna waste his money on gas like that. See ya, haven't really spoken to him since."
DontcallmeShirley_82
2063
"How's this for oddly specific: Friend since 1980, was hanging out at a bar in 1992 and there was a dispute of over a $15.00 bar tab. I was in the right, but whatever - he held a grudge for years."
"Ran into him in 2017 and we were both too old to care. Started to see each other now and then. 2023 and we're at this local bar for a show and got into a fight about $15.00 a ticket."
"Maybe he'll call me in 2063."
The68Guns
Exhausting
"She was a taker, constantly. When I needed something she made it about her yet again. Exhausting to be around."
LordyIHopeThereIsPie
"I'm going through this right now. Can't tell you how many texts I have from her in the past few days telling me that I need to get over myself, need to stop making myself the victim, have been a terrible friend, have never been there for her."
"She's the most narcissistic person I know and everyone does everything for her. She has one of the easiest lives ever and anytime anything bad happens to her she believes that everyone is against her and she's the victim here. It's pure insanity. There is no talking sense to people like this."
cheeseburgerwaffles
Life Changes
point pointing GIF by Shalita GrantGiphy"I've lost like all but two of my 'friends' because I stopped drinking and doing hard drugs."
ConcertTerrible8877
"Same here dude. My circle is small but hey at least it's a circle I know I can go to."
Miss_mayonnaise
Oh, how things change when the booze dries up.
How much fun were you really having?
Do you have any stories about cutting off a friend? Let us know in the comments below.
Curious to hear from ex-lovers who've been there, Redditor Lishasquarepant asked:
"What caused your last break-up?"
These Redditors found they and their significant other were no longer on the same page.
"Simply, we grew apart."
– catetheway
"Same, I feel like Michael Scott everytime I try to start another relationship. 'No question about it, I am ready to get hurt again.'"
– Gthew
Happier Apart
"Same. We loved each other like siblings, not spouses... Ugh! Lovely man though who now has a fab girlfriend. We are good friends and much happier apart."
– MoxieHasKnottyBits
No Regrets
"Same. And it f'king sucks, but that’s life. It’s been a year and I still hate every second that she’s not in my life, but at the same time I know she’s happier now than she would’ve been if we stayed together."
– throway35885328
Having no communication is the worst part.
Silent Partner
"He slowly got distant. I believe he lost interest and didn't dare be honest with me about that."
– GaiaNatur77
The Late Blame Game
"I had that happen as well, but then he pinned it on me being distant and not affectionate enough."
"My guy, if you pull your hand away every time I try to hold it, I'm gonna stop trying to hold it. And if I ask if something's up and you repeatedly tell me everything is fine, I'm going to believe you. Don't wait till I'm at my worst moment and then reveal you had issues with me for 3 months and break up with me for it being 'my fault.'"
– Billielolly
"Everything Is Fine"
"Oh man, the asking repeatedly and getting a 'nothing' reminds me of a story."
"My friend used to ask her ex this every time he was unusually quiet. He’d always say he was fine, then at one point, told her to stop asking because it was making him feel weird."
"So she did."
"Six months later he initiated a divorce because she didn’t care about his feelings anymore."
"Like…don’t ask for sh*t then get pissy when you get what you want."
– TheRealJackReynolds
And then there are those who were not invested in the relationship for a long time.
The Struggle Is Real
"He seemed to struggle with the concept of not f'king random people."
– spanglesandbambi
Leaving The Problem
"He moved to his country because he missed his family. So he only sent a WhatsApp message saying he was going to stay there. I would have preferred a call at least to break up a marriage."
– kattia12
New Life
"Something similar happened to my cousin. He married her in the US, they had a baby together.. a few years go by, he misses home, goes back to visit.. His family had an arranged marriage ready for him 🤦🏻♀️ He ended up with a new wife and new baby. Hasn’t came back."
– MysticalMom7
A Foreign Custom
"It just seems so surreal that a grown a** adult with a wife and baby would leave his family behind for an arranged marriage. I'll never fathom the mentality."
– ro0ibos2
Ouch
"I wasn't having sex near as often as she was."
– YourWordsMatter
Breaking up is hard to do.
But a good thing to remember is that love can be found again and the new relationship can be even better than the previous one.
And that's something that can't be recognized until you look back in retrospect.
We all have to kiss a few toads.