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People Explain Which Things They Wish Were Normalized For Their Gender

People Explain Which Things They Wish Were Normalized For Their Gender
Boris Britva/Unsplash

Society places a lot of expectations on us based on our perceived gender, and those expectations can be a major burden. Guys who like pink or want to be nurturing fathers, women who like sports, gaming, or working out, all are often ridiculed or deemed suspicious by society. Nonbinary folks are often not acknowledged at all, and are expected to rigidly adhere to the role predetermined by their sex assigned at birth.


Reddit user Zealousideal-Way3105 asked:

"What do you wish was normalized for your gender?"

Kids Are Great

Showing enthusiasm towards random children.

Why do I have to pretend like they don't exist?

-Equilibriator

I had a daycare when my kids were growing up so they were used to giving littles attention. Later my son worked in a grocery store and realized that parents get offended if a man shows a reaction to their cute little kid. Even if that kid is waving at him, he waves back and mama bear gets angry. So dumb. He's not gonna jump in the cart with your kid. Geez

-ninazo96

Ironically, being a woman that doesn't really enjoy being around kids and doesn't want them myself, I wish it was normalized for me to not show enthusiasm towards kids.

-It_is_Katy

Anyone Can Struggle With Mental Illness

Mental illness, but that should be for everyone. Being a 6'5 250 pound dude with anxiety? Yeah I don't get taken serious in the slightest bit.

-ironman217

Unfortunately I think women aren't taken seriously either. It's just society deems women to be "weaker" and this falls in line with societal expectations/perceptions as "fragile" beings. There is hardly true support or understanding.

-galaxiesandquarks

I feel you. I'm a 6'6" 280 lb man who's dealt with depression and anxiety since my early teens. Despite having what should have been very obvious symptoms that were readily visible to my parents, teachers, and school counselor, I didn't get any help as a kid. And having that attitude projected towards me made it take me a long time to realize that it was okay for me to get myself help as an adult.

-FriendlyLib81

Tradespeople Can Be Any Gender

I really wish women were more common in the trades.

Additionally, it shouldn’t be shocking when a woman knows how to use power tools or understands how a house is put together. It’s a valuable life skill.

-OceanIsVerySalty

Agreed. My mom is the handy one of the house and she’s teaching me. I think it’s vital for all genders to learn all aspects of running a home (cooking, using tools, cleaning properly) because it’s all equally important and it’s stupid that you’re supposed to be exempt from half of it if you’re a certain gender smh

-Rerepottla

It Doesn't Matter What Time Of The Month It Is

Having a bad day because you're having a bad day, not because you have PMS

-LAESanford

Or when you aren't feeling good people's first question is if you're pregnant

-linz1129

"I said I have a sinus infection, Cathy, not a baby infection."

-EvangelineTheodora

Nobody Has To Wear Makeup

Not wearing makeup or having to look pretty all the time.

-mtn4444

I would settle with just not being asked if I'm sick if I go without.

-APotatoPancake

On the flip side I wish I could conceal my adult acne without being judged for makeup… lol

-ian2121

Pink Is For Everyone

Not for me but my son. He loves pink. He's always been drawn to it. He picked out a pair of pink glasses at the eye doctor and I immediately said yes because he loved them. I'm so afraid he is going to get bullied but he is so proud of his new glasses. He wanted his hair pink this summer and I let him do it. Why can't little boys like pink too? He also loves monster trucks and dinosaurs. We live in the American south in a small town so you can probably imagine what the people in this town are like.

-AndiArch

Being a stay at home dad. Mom does it and she's a hero. Dad does it and he's a failure. It's not cool.

-T-MinusGiraffe

Have a friend that is a SAHD. It has been a struggle for him over the years. Between the lack of support structures online (ie: good online communities for talking about different things or venting stress/concerns) and just how family and in-laws act about it.

He at least hasn't had to deal with societal issues at large for a number of reasons. One of the things that triggered the f**k out of him though was when he went in with his kid for regular checkups, the doctors/nurses would ask his wife questions about the kid even though the staff knows he is the main care taker. At one point his wife had to snap at the staff and tell them they need to ask him those questions because he knows more.

For as progressive as the West has moved in some ways on these kinds of things, it's still stuck in certain mindsets.

-vix86

I'm a woman who is into watching certain sports. Some guys don't think that's normal.

So many guys have to quiz me on my fandom. It's crazy. They don't do that to their guy friends.

-brokendowndryer

Oh boy, as a woman who's been playing video games and reading comics for over 20 years...I know all about the quizzing.

-TheLostSkellyton

Boys Like Flowers Too

Getting flowers. Ain't no one ever get flowers for men. Flowers are great.

-CaesarWrap

Told my partner I think it's bullsh*t that men don't get flowers and the next day she surprised me with a bunch of chrysanthemums. Needless to say I was over the moon.

-Astray1789

Kitties For Everybody!

Being cat dad. I mean seriously, what is weird about a guy having a cat?

-User1701d

Years ago my roommate and I were picking up a cat from a farm, and they legit asked ‘what do 2 guys want with a cat anyways’ same thing as everyone else.

-Bobajeno

There is a guy on Twitter who talks about his journey to being a cat dad. It's so damn sweet that sometimes I just search the hashing catdad and read it again.

-Megadeathchick

Arbitrary gender-based societal expectations hurt everybody. It doesn't hurt anyone for folks to have a mixture of likes and dislikes that are considered mascilune or feminine.

A man and woman naked and snuggling
Photo by Dainis Graveris

Sex is natural, sex is fun.

So sayeth the great George Micahel.

Spontaneous lovemaking leaves a lasting impression.

Or at least a great ten minutes.

Redditor hockeysmyh*e wanted to hear about all the times sex came as a surprise, so they asked:

"What is the most unexpected time you’ve ever had sex?"

One day in college... all it took...

Me on one escalator.

Him on another.

One wink.

Nerves

Kill Me Now Season 1 GIF by FriendsGiphy

"After what I thought was a horrible 1st date. She was on her phone literally the entire time. When we get to her house she says 'Wanna come inside?' Turns out, she was just nervous on the date."

earic23

Questions Answered

"I was a very young-looking 22-year-old volunteering at a film festival as community service for a reckless driving ticket."

"One of the filmmakers visiting from another country who was around 30 started talking to me and she kept asking me weird questions like what year I graduated high school and whether I liked certain 15-year-old music."

"I was like this chick is weird, but then she said do you live around here, we went back to my apt and ended up having sex. Afterward, I was like - why did you ask me all those weird questions? And she said, 'I was trying to figure out if you were old enough!'"

"We ended up hanging out the whole week and then she went back home and that was it. Good times."

kaspm

And Nothing Else...

"I was at a hotel in college with a bunch of other college kids and a bunch of us were in one room drinking. I had to go to the bathroom but someone was using the one where we were. I said I was going back to my room to use that one and also to get some more beer. A girl in the group asked if she could come with me. When I came out of the bathroom she was wearing one of my t-shirts. And nothing else. I did not go back to the party room with more beer."

Amesb34r

Right Then and There...

"I got late-night sushi with a friend. She treated me since I was going through a nasty breakup. After a few sakes, we began to head out. She grabbed me by the sleeve and pulled me into the bathroom. She began hard-core kissing me and we ended up having sex right then and there."

topherthepest

Gor For It

like a virgin madonna GIFGiphy

"Gondola lift going up a mountain in Switzerland. My wife and we’re backpacking for 21 days around Europe and unexpectedly found ourselves alone on the gondola. We just looked at each other, smiled, and went for it. Fantastic experience."

CBus-Eagle

That gondola must have had might strong cables!

New bucket list item.

Burn Off

So Excited Reaction GIF by OriginalsGiphy

"Against the side of my boyfriend’s house while his family ate dinner inside."

"He wanted to take me up to his room, his parents said no, so he said we were going for a walk instead. Burn off some energy. It was surprisingly great."

whitneywestmoreland

'Ayyyy'

"For the record, I'm the most oblivious person ever. But a friend of mine invited me to attend her yoga class with her. I didn't think about it at the time but she was giving me a lot of hands-on attention and help. We went back to her place afterward and walked and talked on a Greenway near her house."

"She said something along the lines of 'I'll tell you a secret if you tell me one' and I said some s**t about not believing in myself and she told me she was 'trying to get f**ked tonight.'"

"I didn't realize she meant by me but as a joke, I said 'Ayyyy' like I was Fonzy or something and put my arm around her. The next thing I know she's putting her tongue in my mouth, I realized that I'm brain dead, and things progressed from there."

slaughterpuss25

Pillow Fight

"I went over to a friend's house. She and I had been friends since elementary school and never took it further than that because we had no interest in it. Anywho, we were watching TV in the living room having a fun debate back and forth and she threw a pillow at me so I threw it back at her and it started a pillow fight, she grabbed me and tried to take the pillow from me."

"We were not extremely close to each other and we noticed it and looked at each other...i t then turned into sex in the living room, leading into her bedroom. Afterward, we laid in bed and talked for a while and then it continued for several years. Now we’re married with two kids."

Metalblacksheep

NOW!!

"When my wife and I were dating, she drove a friend out of town to see her husband, who was just completing boot camp, and I tagged along for the weekend. We spent that 1st night in the same room, with us in one bed and the friend in the other. I wasn't expecting anything, seeing as how we had someone 'THISCLOSE' to us, but after we thought the friend fell asleep, my wife started kissing and groping me."

"She said she wanted it, but I resisted. After a couple more minutes, she finally just flat-out said 'Do Me. Now.' It was the most unexpected, slowest, quietest, and hottest sex ever. The next day, the friend made a comment that she couldn't sleep because we were moving around too much. She knew."

cb0044

The Crush

Alicia Silverstone Flirting GIFGiphy

"In the car with a co-worker who was driving me home. I admitted to another co-worker that I had an extreme crush on this girl. What I didn't know was that she immediately told her about my crush."

"So when she offered to drive me home (I always walked, it was only a couple of miles) I thought she was just being nice and taking me home... lol."

Real_Bug

Clearly we all need to be reading the signs and signals.

We miss out on so much.

Female patient cringing while listening to doctor
Photo by CDC on Unsplash

Though it may not occur to us, the longer we work in a field, the more we distance ourselves from the public perception of it.

Doctors are a great example of this, as they may forget what it's like to be a patient without deep medical knowledge when they're going through something troubling.

Because of this, sometimes doctors make out-of-touch comments that feel totally mundane to them, but the patient listening may find the comment to be incredibly inconsiderate or even alarming.

Curious about others' experiences, Redditor CR24752 asked:

"What's the weirdest thing a medical professional has casually said to you?"

Thanks for the Complex

"When I was like 20, my endocrinologist took a good look at me and asked, 'Are you okay with your face being so asymmetrical?'"

"I had never really noticed it before, but boy have I noticed it since!"

- Fragrant-Opinion2021

A Dental Prodigy

"When I was 12, I had a dentist say, 'Hold on, I think I might be counting wrong, you shouldn't have those yet... Okay, never mind, those are definitely your wisdom teeth. Your mouth is just huge, I guess.'"

"They then said I was the youngest they'd ever seen anyone get their wisdom teeth. So much so, they called in every dentist in the building to come to look at my mouth."

- kodlab115

Not That Funny

"Following a checkup... They said, 'We're going to have to remove your testicles... Just kidding, you should've seen your face.'"

- realpren

Highly Memorable

​"After destroying my knee riding BMX at 17, the emergency surgeon said, 'Wow, really f**ked that up.'"

"10 years later and after another serious knee injury from riding, I saw the same surgeon (he did a great job on the first one)."

"The first words out of his mouth were, 'I remember you. F**ked up the other one, huh?'"

- brianbmx94

"I like this guy. He waited 10 years for that moment."

- forestNargacuga

"D**n, I don’t know how I’d feel knowing I f**ked up enough to be remembered by an emergency surgeon."

- Reins22

"Not great, lol (laughing out loud). I literally 'broke' my knee 90 degrees sideways. It had to be forced straight (by him), and then we immediately went into surgery to repair basically every ligament and piece of soft tissue in there. Lucky I didn’t get a fake knee at 17 from that one."

- brianbmx94

"Since I'm not sure which knee this was, I just griped both of mine in horror, just to be safe. Hope that's cool."

- boobookenny

Not in Favor of Being Tall

"Back pain, I’m not young. The doctor just said basically, 'Well, that’s just life for you. You’re tall.'"

"'So I’m just going to end up being a hunched over 90-year-old?'"

"'Lol (laughing out loud), you’re not going to see 90.'"

"'Um… pardon?'"

"'How many tall old people have you ever seen?'"

"'Oh… yeah… okay.'"

- The_Town_of_Canada

"Oof. Unfortunately, he has a point. For a while, I knew a guy who was over six foot, five inches, and worked as a genetic counselor."

"One time we were chatting and he just casually mentioned that he wasn’t expecting to get terribly old. He knew the statistics because of his job, and the odds are not good for people over six feet."

"On the other hand, that’s just averages, not an individual outcome. Plenty of short people die in car accidents in their twenties, and plenty of tall people live well into old age."

- Should_be_less

Textbook Anomaly Examples

"The doctor said, 'If you don’t mind, I’d like to show everyone pictures of your tonsils.'"

"According to her, I had the most disgusting tonsils she had ever seen in her years in the business, and gosh darn, she wanted to show them off."

- Old_Army90

"I had a similar experience at a dentist. I apparently had a very rare problem and even the oldest doctor only had seen this two times in his life. For the next few sessions, all other doctors were called in and he showed them it."

"I was fine with it, but it was an odd situation sitting on the dentist's chair while four doctors and a few nurses were around you and looked very interested in what would happen next."

"So I was the real-life example for a textbook lecture."

- memesforbismarck

Not Answering the Same Question

"A nurse of some kind took my blood pressure. He said what the numbers were."

"I asked, 'Is that good?'"

"He said, 'I’m not qualified to give you a professional opinion on the matter. You should ask your doctor.'"

"I asked, 'But like, unprofessionally, is that good?'"

"He said, 'Unprofessionally? Well, in my purely personal opinion that I am sharing with you as an individual and not in any medical or official capacity whatsoever, you should buy stronger deodorant.'"

"For clarity, I was definitely stinky, I was homeless at the time. I was well aware of this fact. If you’re worried you’re a little funky, don’t. You would almost assuredly notice if you smelled really bad."

- InABoxOfEmptyShells

Already an Awkward Enough Situation

"'You just hang on right there; we will get you a wheelchair and admitted to the hospital. We have to do a colonoscopy, but don’t worry, I will knock you out before sticking a camera up your a**.'"

- MacDugin

"My GI (Gastroenterologist) doctor was named (no lie) Dr. Stiff. After my last colonoscopy, he told me in the recovery room: 'Well, that’s the last time you’re getting Stiffed. I’m retiring at the end of the year.'"

- mum2girls

"I appreciate people who turn their names into verbs."

- Nike-6

Pregnancy Talk

"I told an OB-GYN during an exam that my husband and I had just started trying to get pregnant, and she said, 'Are you tracking your cycle or just f**king all time?'"

"Hearing that come out of a small elderly woman was freaking hilarious! She was close to retirement and had zero filter, and now I miss her!"

- WiscoCheeses

"My OB-GYN told me that I had a wonderful uterus, just after he commented how cute my socks were."

- sarcastic_whatever

Awkward...

"'My son is about your age and single, do you want his number?'"

"This was said by my Gynecologist..."

- My_dal

Oh No, Not Like That

"My previous OB-GYN came through my line at my old job. For some reason, I blanked on who he was. Like, I knew I knew him, but for the life of me, I couldn't remember how."

"He saw I was struggling and said, 'Don't remember me? I'll give you a hint: last time I saw you, you were in my office with your ankles in the air!'"

"He said this loudly, in front of a line of little old ladies fresh from church, wanting to buy flowers from the garden center."

"He was an amazing doctor and figured out what was wrong with me when no other doctor could, but in that moment, the embarrassment could have killed me lol (laughing out loud)."

- Marauder424

"Being a knowledgeable, and even brilliant, doctor and being completely socially inept often go hand in hand."

- OpalRose1993

The Silver Lining

"I had a doctor tell me that my metabolism is so slow that I would do very well in an apocalypse."

- Rosemary324

"My doctor told me this when he noticed my chronic low body temperature and asked me other questions about weight gain and pooping frequency."

"He said, 'Some people are just built to hibernate. You're just, like, hibernating all the time.'"

"This was in the same conversation where he diagnosed me with a sleep disorder too. I can't even hibernate properly."

- wheatgrass_feetgrass

Such a Cool Moment

"I was getting my blood drawn for a mono test back around 2006. The older lady nurse asked me what sort of music I liked."

"I figured she was making small talk to get my mind off the needles, so I rattled off a few bands I’d been listening to."

"One of them happens to be Postal Service. She said, 'Oh, I know that one!'"

"I replied, 'Yeah, it’s the same lead singer as Death Cab for Cutie.'"

"She said, 'I know. He’s my son.'"

- piconese

"'Such Great Heights' is one of my top 10 favorite songs of all time. How cool."

- subieluvr22

"Yeah, I still love Postal Service. She was very nice, and I said something along the lines of, 'You must be so proud!'"

"I just really hope I meet Ben Gibbard someday so I can tell him that his mom took my blood, lol (laughing out loud)."

- piconese

Only in Ireland

"I live in Ireland, the surgeon who replaced my hip is also a farmer."

"The day before I was due to be discharged, he came in on his rounds, and he said, 'I may or may not see you tomorrow, it depends on the dog.'"

"So I said, 'Okay, what’s up with the dog?'"

"He told me the dog broke his leg and was having it set tomorrow, but he wasn’t sure what time, so I said, 'Sure, bring in the old dog, and I’ll mind him' (this is rural Ireland bear in mind and I was in the convalescent area of the hospital by then)."

"Shortly after breakfast the next day, he arrived in with the dog, a lovely border collie with his leg in plaster. He stayed with me watching TV until he doctor was finished replacing another person's hip and was ready to discharge me and we could all go home."

"It could only happen in Ireland."

- Rosieapples

From funny to wildly awkward, most of these comments were at least funny enough that someone could share them at a gathering for a good laugh from the crowd.

A few were alarming, however, and definite reasons for people to want to switch doctors.

coffee date
Jonathan J. Castellon/Unsplash

Infatuation is a curious thing.

One moment, you can be swept up in major adoration for someone to such a degree that you can't stop thinking about them.

But the next moment, you may suddenly find yourself moving on.

What is it that drives someone to lose their lust for their former object of affection?

Curious to hear from strangers who experienced going from hot to cold in casual dating, Redditor Romeothanh asked:

"Men who suddenly lost your interest in someone but for a weird reason, what was it??"

Questionable behaviors were seen as major turn-offs.

Poor Parenting

"The way she treated her children, her boy was permitted everything and her daughter had to follow very strict rules."

"I didn't have to ask to know what was going on, the boy's real father wasn't her ex-husband but a guy she had an affair with at work, her daughter was really from her ex-husband. She was always resentful of her upbringing and then her marriage for impeding some kind of dreamed life she thought she was entitled to. So the boy was seen as a piece of that dream and the girl was a piece of her boring life but she was also reliving her childhood through her and pushing her to excel in sports, school and manners and reveling in her daughter's accomplishments as if they were hers."

– Telesto1087

Past Grievances

"She accused me of cheating on her in a past life."

"I told her 'I don’t remember that.'”

– Breloren

"Sounds like something someone who cheated in a past life would say!"

– thefirecrest

At Least She Washes Her Hands...

"She spat in her hands and rubbed them together because she 'needed to wash them.' I cannot describe the colossal speed at which that switch turned off."

– whitesebastian

"Was she some sort of 1930’s farm hand or construction worker?"

– valueduser

There were some serious red flags.

Schadenfreude

"A elderly gentlemen fell in front of us, he took a nasty fall."

"She found it hilarious, instead of helping she just stood there laughing. I helped that person out and I felt so embarrassed for her behavior."

"Also that was the last time I saw her. It was a major turn off for me."

– oxide-NL

Good Guy Vs. Bad Guy

"I invited the girl from my psych course I'd been vibing with to a party. Her car rolled up and I came out to greet her, but it was a dude's car, and she was drunkenly making out with him as I walked up. I didn't flip out or anything, but she slurred her way through some weird attempt at reassuring me that I shouldn't worry, 'cause she was only sleeping with him to punish him because he was a bad guy (apparently that's a thing she does), and that I was a good guy. I didn't ask what happened to good guys. I felt bad for her date, whom she completely ignored the rest of the night. As for the girl, she ended up totally engrossed with the party host's gerbil, tapping on the glass of its cage whispering how she wanted to kill it. I found somewhere new to sit in psych class for the rest of the semester."

– MissionofQorma

I'm Generous And You're Gonna Like It

"She kept buying me stuff. It was nice at first but she kept doing it weekly and demanded I give gifts in return. I asked her to stop and she said "nope this is what I do." Felt like she didn't even care about what I wanted."

– Dry-Enthusiasm3515

Easiest Breakup Ever

"It was a really horrible relationship even this aside but my 'wow i think i actually hate this person' moment was when we were at Badlands National Park. We were just walking out of the gift shop with some other woman when she just let go of the door and it like slammed into that womans face. I said to her 'omg im so sorry' then when we got to the car i said to my gf in like a joking tone 'i cant beliehe you didnt hold the door for her haha' and because she was a very very miserable person all the time this makes her mad and she goes 'well YOURE the man youre supposed to hold the door. I dont NEED to hold the door for anybody' and yeah that one statement alone was very... eye opening for me."

"Seriously the easiest least heartbreaking break up ive ever gone through."

– ILoveTikkaMasala

The Cat Recognized Evil

"My cat didn't like her."

"Brought her home to introduce her to my parents, she meets my childhood cat and. It. Goes. Psychotic. Just for her reaching down to pat him, he panicked, attached himself to her arm, and wouldn't let go, just clawing at her like he found a demon to fight or something. When he eventually detached himself (they were both running around the room screaming as she tried to wave him off her arm) I checked her over and he did some damage. He's never reacted like that to anyone before or since. We broke it off shortly later."

"I found out a few years ago she was in the court system. Why? She tried to kill her own kid. I didn't dodge a bullet because of my cat, I dodged an artillery shell."

– GryphonicOwl

It's not me, it's you.

So Rude

"She didn’t hold the door open to people just meeting her at the door, would let it slam on people behind her, didn’t do the little thank you wave to other cars that let her out, didn’t say please and thank you to serving staff. She wasn’t overtly rude, she just had a bit of a me,me,me vibe."

– Hellenicparadise

Norwegian Love

"She told me she was pregnant and it was mine, 2 days after sleeping with me for the first (and only) time. Then proceeded to tell me she had a boyfriend."

"I should have twigged earlier really. She flew from Norway to sleep with me and flew back the next day."

– Perseus73

Face Reveal

"I’d been talking to this girl in class I thought was really cool. We ended up going for a bite after class one day and she suggested we go hang out in my dorm room. Hell yeah."

"Then she took off her glasses and she looked exactly like my mom. It was so jarring I excused myself to the bathroom to regroup, but when I came back I couldn’t unsee my mom’s face on her."

"I made some lame excuse and went back alone. I felt bad about bailing on her but I also how the hell would I tell her the real reason? Either she thinks I’m a weirdo or thinks I’m saying she looks like she’s in her fifties."

– OneSmoothCactus

Don't Speak

"My mate ghosted a girl simply because he didn't like her cadence when she spoke."

– Random-chick-98

My shallowest moment was years ago when I ghosted a hot tennis player I was dating because he had a particularly annoying gait.

Anytime we would walk around the city (in New York), he would gradually lean into me and prevent us from walking a straight path.

I thought he was deliberately trying to get close but it turned out that one of his legs was shorter than the other resulting in him taking uneven steps.

When he explained his situation, it weirded me out.

I didn't have the heart to tell him why I could no longer see him, so I just stopped responding to his incessant messages about when we were meeting next.

I remain regretful to this day about my immature behavior, and I wish him the best wherever he is.