Parenting can be scarily overwhelming if you think about it for long enough. You're taking on the responsibility of not only keeping a tiny human alive, but helping them become decent human beings and good people.
One Reddit user asked:
What's something that every parent should tell their child?
Now we're normally not going to espouse getting your parenting advice from Reddit - but in this case a lot of the responses were really insightful. What does it mean to be safe, healthy, and happy? What makes a person empathetic and kind? What values are we trying to model and encourage in our kiddos?
Take a look at what people had to say.
Mistakes Matter
Its alright to make a mistake, as long as you can admit it and grow from it.
I'll go one step further. I teach little kids, and I tell them often that they HAVE to make mistakes to learn. I emphasize that the learning happens when we find and fix our mistakes. And when I make a mistake in front of them, I acknowledge it - and they encourage me. "Good job, Mrs. Rhymes, you helped your brain grow!"
I get so much satisfaction out of being the teacher I wish I had had.
Sorry Doesn't Have To Be The Hardest Word
Sorry Taylor Swift GIFGiphyA good parent shouldn't be afraid to apologize to their kid when they're wrong.
Yeah, if you can apologize to a 3 year old, you've got humility which, to me, is a very important trait to have as a human being, especially as a parent.
My dad has never to my recollection apologized. My mom only ever apologized in passive aggressive ways ("I'm sorry you were offended but...""I'm sorry you made me react that way but..."). As a result I probably over-apologize to my kids, but I want them to know that I'm human, I make mistakes, and those mistakes are never their fault.
When my son was a toddler I remember telling my mom that I apologized to him for some minor thing. She flipped out. I was spoiling him. I was teaching him not to listen to me. I was going to regret it when he's a teenager. I got so mad at her! I never heard her or my dad apologize when they fcked up. It was always my fault. I also wanted my kids to know I'm human and far from perfect instead of seeing me as some authoritarian who can never be wrong. Plus I think it helps them learn empathy and compassion - which there was very little of in my home growing up.
Pride
"I'm proud of you"
Be careful with this one. I say it to my son (3) frequently enough that I hear it back:
Good job finding Monster's Inc for me mommy! I'm so proud of you! Great job turning on my tablet mommy! I'm so proud of you! Thanks for bringing me my milk mommy! I'm so proud of you!
Maybe I should have waited? LOL
Come To Me
If you make a mistake and need help, come to me. Kids tend to make bad situations worse by trying not to get caught. I know way too many people who got in drunk driving accidents because they were too afraid to call their parents for help and drove home or got in the car with a drunk driver.
My mom told this to me and I think a lot more parents should:
"I don't care if you get too drunk at a party as long as you tell me and I can pick you up. I won't yell, I won't punish you, as long as you are responsible and it doesn't happen all the time."
In my opinion teaching your kids it's okay to be a bit rebellious, make mistakes, and live their life in their teens is a good thing to do. I never had a reason to not trust my mom because of this. Of course I got consequences for some things, but if I ever made a mistake and needed her, she was there.
I had to lie about everything growing up. My mother was so strict she tried to control everything from what music I listened to to what friends I could have. Mistakes were not tolerated. Now I'm in my 30s and she doesn't know me at all. I'm more of a distant acquaintance than a daughter.
It's also harder for people who grew up like this to form healthy boundaries with risky behavior. You can't properly assess risk if drinking a beer has the same consequences as smoking meth.
Let It Go
let it go GIFGiphyYou will always be my child, and I'll always want to take care of you, but you have the right to ask me to let go when you feel the time is right. If you try to make it on your own but fall, call me anyway. I want to be there to catch you.
- nimezs
After all, parents can't drive forever- at some point the kid needs to take the wheel. A parent's job is to make sure the kid is confident enough to ask for help when they need it, they don't need to know everything.
Abuse And Affection
Whenever another kid is being mean to them, physically or verbally, don't tell your child that the other kid was being mean to them because they like your child. Your child might grow up mistaking abuse for affection.
Also, explain WHY That behavior is unacceptable, when it's used on TV. Even in 2020, kids shows STILL show the "If he/she is mean, they love you" and tries to justify it. One reason I won't show my littlest relatives the Big Hero 6 cartoon is the issue I have with it's plotline of "Karmi is a bully to Hiro, accuses him of attacking her when he didn't, writes uncomfortable things about him online and posts videos of his failures online - but she has a crush on him so it's 100% okay and not a sign of someone who needs to get her head out of her ass."
Like... that is the entire plotline for those two characters for ages. And it's concerning that, this is a show aimed ultimately at kids. Adults can enjoy it, but it's far from healthy to show to young boys and girls that if someone hurts them/is rude to them, that it's okay. Kids absorb SO much from their media, it's worth being said.
- Storm137
Input Is Important
'I appreciate your input. You won't always be right and what you say won't always change my mind but I still value your opinion.'
Communicate with your kid, most of the time you will know better than they will but at least listen to what they have to say. Remember to also keep an open mind and be willing to compromise.
And, even better, listen to them and actually consider when you might be wrong. And then admit that, too!
I grew up hearing this, and this really has made me assertive and confident enough to boldly state my opinions and accept and correct them when I'm wrong.
Continuous Consent
I've talked about consent very early with my kids (they're 4 and 7 now), and it's honestly super easy to explain and demonstrate in an age appropriate way.
My 4 year old loves being tickled, finds it absolutely hilarious. So we have tickle-fests, and I make a point to stop when he's laughing too hard to talk and ask if he wants me to keep tickling. Toss in a "Okay, I just wanted to make sure you were still having fun! Raaaar, the tickle monster is back!" and boom, now you're modeling checking in and continuous consent. The second he says no, full stop.
They need to politely greet and say goodbye to people (the host if we're visiting friends, plus grandparents, etc), but they do not need to allow physical contact that they don't want. Wave and "bye Ms. X, thanks for having us!", handshake, etc is fine. Absolutely no guilting from people if they don't want a hug or whatever.
Both are super affectionate with their friends (and each other), so I've had plenty of opportunities to remind them to ask before they hug, just because they wanted to hug/ hold hands/ whatever last time doesn't mean they do this time and that's okay, just because that's your sibling doesn't mean you can do whatever you want, etc.
Basically, it's not just a one time "no means no" explanation; I feel like modelling it consistently is really important and sometimes gets overlooked a bit.
This has admittedly led to a few times when my oldest has yelled "I said no! No means no, mom!" At me when I've told her to stop playing or do her homework or whatever, but we're working on the distinction!
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Who told you that? Oh...
"I start oversharing pretty quickly."
"It's a problem when hanging out with colleagues."- tanej86312
I'm not usually this outgoing!
"Making friends lol."- Illustrious_Big_8485
Where did my inhibitions go?
"Oddly enough, most anything that relies on reaction speed."
"My best guess is that I second guess myself too much when I'm sober, so I wind up waiting too long."
"If I actively try to counteract that, I jump the gun."
"When alcohol gets involved, I just stop thinking about it and nail it."
"Literally the only time I've managed to beat several textbook examples of incredibly difficult video game bosses, ie. 'Hollow Knight's Absolute Radiance', 'Malenia in Elden Ring', was when I was riding that edge between tipsy and drunk.- orein123
Strike!
"Bowling."- PorkInfestedWater
8 ball left corner...
"Pool."
"I normally suck ,and when I'm trashed I really suck."
"But there's a sweet tipsy spot in the middle I'm freaking great."
"I don't keep drinking to be drunk I do it to keep the pool juice flowing."- Niznack
time shot GIFGiphyA skill no one wants
"Ruining friendships and relationships."
"F*ckin masterclass."- KatatoniK94
I'm bilingual? Who knew!
"My second language comes out easier."- Grapegoop
Making decisions... I'll definitely regret...
"Sending my friends stupid 'I'm drunk haha' texts."
"Someone take my f*cking phone away please."- existential-mystery
drunk parks and recreation GIFGiphyReady, Steady, Go!
"Running."
"I guess not so much anymore but in my early twenties, when I lived in San Diego, I'd get drunk and run for like 12 miles, sometimes by the beach."
"When I would wake up the next morning I'd be like.... how did I do that?"- helltothenoyo
Amazing the things we can do after a few too many glasses of wine.
Though, best to just enjoy it in the moment, rather than try to replicate it...
Best not to get involved
"No shame in running away from a fight."- SuvenPan·
Always be open to alternatives
"There's more than one way to get home."
"If you see something shady going on on your normal route you're better off taking the long way than getting involved with whatever is happening."- RedPanther1
Show confidence... even if you arent...
"Always act like you know where you are going."- Grenuille
GIF by Town & KeyGiphySometimes bringing attention to yourself pays off...
"Know that criminals rely on their victims to be polite and not cause a scene or draw attention to themselves."
"When something happens to you, scream and shout."
"Make it known you’re in danger."- brkh47
Be aware of your surroundings, and hold on to your belongings
"If you're in a big town or a city and a group of kids surround you, keep your hands in your pockets and don't let them get behind you."
"Some will try to distract you while others pickpocket you."- Melonmode
How long have you got...
"There is no good reason to loiter in a city, especially at night."
"Stay moving."
"Look at street signs and sh*t only long enough to know where you are."
"Walk quickly, but like you're in a hurry to go somewhere, not leave where you are."
"Mind your business."
"Any yelling, fighting, or any source of commotion should be ignored."
"Move away from it immediately--you have more important shit to do, act like it."
"If someone calls out to you or tries to stop you, don't break stride."
"Respond immediately by briefly glancing at their face, their eyes, and their hands, in that order."
"Immediately look back in your direction of travel, shake your head and loudly say 'I got sh*t going on'."
"Keep moving."
"If they persist, just repeat it while walking away."
"A stressed, visibly engaged person looks dangerous."
"Cultivate a pissed-off expression."
"Not 'bad@ss', don't try to look like someone you're not."
"Just look mad, inconvenienced, and on the way to deal with it."
"Don't hold eye contact longer than four seconds, and don't break it faster than two."
"When you break eye contact, glance down to diffuse a situation, and look away to the side to display confidence."
"Break one law at a time."
"If you're doing nefarious sh*t, dress like you're on the way to or from work."
"Make sure your car is sorted, all lights work, tags are current, full tank of gas, etc."
"Keep your speed within five MPH of the posted limit."
"Don't have bumper stickers, window decals, or anything hanging from the rearview mirror."
"Wear your f*cking seatbelt."
"Unless you absolutely know you need a gun, just don't f*ck with them."
"Never keep it on you."
"Never carry drugs, stolen sh*t, or anything illegal with a gun, and don't keep or store any of that stuff in the same place as a gun."
"Anything + a gun = much longer sentencing guidelines, and mandatory minimums."
"Just don't f*ck with guns."
"Never let someone force you into a car, an alleyway, inside a house, anything."
"Never."
"No matter what the situation, your odds are better if you fight or run."
"If someone pulls a gun on you and is farther away than about 15-20 feet, run away from them at an angle."
"It is a lot harder to hit a moving target with a handgun than most people realize."
"Even if you know how to fight, avoid it whenever possible."
"Graveyards are full of people who thought they were hard."
"If any of this is something you have to think about on a regular basis, change your life."
"This is not the way people are supposed to live."- kiloheavy
Don't text and drive... or walk!
"Stay THE F*CK off your phone and pay attention to your surroundings."
"Best way to get knocked over the head and your pockets ran is with your nose in your phone and your earbuds in."- mediaG33K
Sometimes best NOT to give the benefit of the doubt...
"Don't talk to any strangers and don't let them stop you on the street."
"Just keep walking."- gmilfmoneymilk·
Vivien Leigh Quote GIF by Top 100 Movie Quotes of All TimeGiphyNo matter where you are, it's always best to be aware of your surroundings.
And whenever possible, wise to avoid walking alone at night.
That's why we have Lyft.
Good smells and bad smells are generally considered pretty universal, but there are definitely some outliers.
Most people can't stand the smell of gasoline, but there are quite a few people who find the smell pleasant.
Redditor Psycho_Bunny_Cutie asked:
"What's a weird smell you're willing to admit you like?"
Skunk
"Skunk"
"Not getting sprayed directly because I've never had that happen so I don't know if I'd like it, but the lingering aftermath."
"My friend's dogs got sprayed and I helped get them bathed. It almost drove them out of their house, but I liked the smell. It lingered for months."
- LakotaGrl
GiphyDisney Home Video
"I remember liking the smell of Disney VHS cases."
- AtlUtdGold
"Omg. This unlocked a memory for me. I also loved this. But I haven’t done it in so long that I had forgotten. But this comment literally brought the smell right back. Thank you!"
- el-mil
"Me toooooo. Holy sh*t. I feel like it’s 1995 and I’m on the living room floor about to pop in Pocahontas for the 4th time today."
- lubs96
Friends' Homes
"I dont know if this counts, where I used to live is very common to hug people all the time, and if I have been in someone's home before, the place would have a particular smell, and almost everytime I would hug them, they would smell like their home. It always felt good to make that association, it was comforting somehow."
- Montpierce
"Same for me, and then when you're out and about and you catch a wiff of something that smells the same even if it's been years they pop into your mind."
- loonettt
New Tech
"The smell of brand new tech gadgets. It smells of technology. Whenever I buy a new mouse or keyboard (it is especially true for logitech products I don't know if it is a general thing) I sniff them as long as I can detect that sweet plastic-y, ultra clean-smelling goodness."
- bobisz
"Back when CD's were the dominant form of data transfer, I would LOVE every time a new one was opened, just sniffing the new CD."
"Years later, I discovered a nearly identical (to me) smell that works just as well... fresh saffron. Saffron smells like new CD's to me, and I love it."
- ConnectionIssues
Mimeograph Solvent
"Ah, back in the old days, the smell of papers that the teacher handed out that were fresh off those old hand-cranked mimeograph machines. The solvent. Mmmm."
- whazzup_b*tches
Fast Times At Ridgemont High GIF by FilminGiphyPool Toys
"Pvc pool toys when you're unfolding them before you blow them up."
- NoticeWhenUAreHappy
"I bought a shower curtain the other day and instead of a light plastic smell it smelled heavily of inflatable pool toys, best shower ever."
- I_PEE_WITH_THAT
Basements
"I love the smell of basement- which I don't know if is weird, but I'm the only one I know who likes it."
- AmeliaUsesReddit
"Yessss, also sometimes underground parking garages or stairwells have it. Everyone always thinks I’m an idiot when I bring it up."
- Fenzik
Home Depot
"The smell of Home Depot"
- lanuevagringa
"I have long been hoping for Yankee Candle to team up with Home Depot to a lumber aisle scented candle."
- MintyFreshBreathYo
Hot Pavement And Rain
"Hot parking lot when it first starts to rain."
- TheUSForestService
"The best! I can smell it now. Thanks for that. That smell in a sun shower is like the best feeling you could ever feel."
- uffdathatisnice
Burnt Matches
"Matches after the flame goes out."
- makeful
"Ooooh I like the smell when you blow out a candle."
- Kaisa_is_short
Lighting Up GIF by GifGariGiphyWhile there are some smells that seem like everyone must hate them, there's always going to be someone who thinks they smell better than roses.
Reddit user heloooreddit asked :
"People who metal detect, what's the coolest thing you've found?"
As someone who lives in S. Florida and has really only seen metal detectors used on hot, sandy beaches, I can confidently say it would have to be really very insanely cool and/or adorably heartwarming in order for me to decide being out in that heat and getting sweaty and likely sunburned was worth it.
Read through the things Reddit has found and see if it would be worth it for you.
A Whole.... Town.
"My buddy and I set out to find an old gold mining camp. We followed the maps and were in the right place when we discovered that the town was actually on the other side of a canyon. We had to beat our way through some 12' brush and then started finding things everywhere."
"He found a pocketwatch right by the side of the old wagon road. We realized that the entire dump was still there. Like the place had become forgotten and finally recorded on the wrong side of the creek years before. We actually stopped hunting and told the Forest Service. We met and took the archaeologist up there. He was floored because everything was still in context. Felt pretty good about finding a whole town."
- dzastrus
"Here I am prepared for some wedding ring, or a casual coin. First comment: 'we found a town' ."
- Mor_Hjordis
"Thanks for leaving as is and not taking what isn’t yours."
- sernamecheckzout
"I work with a bunch of archaeologists. They would just be drooling over getting to be involved in a dig like this."
- scarletnightingale
A Bomb
Dr Strangelove Movie GIFGiphy"15 years ago, me and my siblings found bomb from World War II in the Belgian Ardennes, using a $30 toy metal detector."
"I remember walking off-road in the woods for hours until we found a spot that looked like nobody has been there in ages. We quickly found a couple of bullets and, while I was inspecting the bullets, my younger brother age 9 saw something sticking out of the dirt."
"At first, we thought it was a rusty metal can, but when he pulled it out, it took us a moment to realize that he was holding a bomb. We didn’t know whether it was still intact so I instructed him to slowly put it down in way that it could not roll off the hill and hit something."
"We didn’t have any mobile phones so we rushed to the nearest road which we followed to get to a village to get help. We marked the trees so we would remember where we had hidden the bomb."
"When we arrived at the village, we explained what happened. Luckily, they believed our story and called the local police. When he arrived, we couldn’t understand a word he said (he was speaking French, we only spoke Dutch) — but eventually he would follow us deep into the woods."
"When we arrived, the bomb was luckily still there, and after an inspection by the police officer we were instructed to leave as apparently it was too dangerous and had to be picked up by the bomb squad — but not before we snapped a picture for the local press, posing with the bomb next to us. I still have that picture."
- Securinti
"This is fantastic, what a story and great you have the photo"
- Azonic
Some Tools
"I went with a friend who's big into his detecting to see what he gets up to, we spend a solid 6 hours in this one field which he was adamant used to have a roman farmhouse."
"Just before we were going to give up for the day, and to be clear we had found the odd roman coin which was really cool in itself, we stumbled across what seemed to be really big. Anyway, long story short we dug down amd found a selection of roman agricultural tools set out in a relatively neat formation."
"My friend has since gone back and found further tools as well as a huge haul of coins.
This will be really underwhelming for a lot of people but the historic tools were really cool"
- ctlislegit
"Wouldn’t have been underwhelming for me. Sounds awesome"
- HaoleInParadise
"Underwhelming? Hell no, that's wicked! In fact I'm sure a lot of people would love to see some pics!"
- Wolfsburg
Another Big Find
History Blacksmith GIF by Age Of Empires CommunityGiphy"I found a blacksmith’s shop in the middle of a farmers field. I was detecting for a historical society and their local expert told me to detect a certain spot that he calculated where the blacksmith shop would be."
"I did a 10x10 foot area with only finding small pieces of slag. I wasn’t convinced that the shop was there, but the expert wouldn’t have it."
"While everyone took a break at noon. I started a spiral pattern going farther and farther from his calculations. About 30 minutes later and 100 feet away, I got good strong signals and large slag pieces. I even found a single clay brick. One of the society members started an excavation at my spot."
"They eventually hit the corner of the shops foundation. They found a hammer and tools for the anvil and the rest of the blacksmith shop."
- 6854wiggles
"That's awesome. Good on you for using 'trust but verify' for the calculations"
- Edgar-Allan-Pho
Not A Tank
"Using a Schonstedt metal detector to determine the absence or presence of an underground heating oil storage tank in Morristown, New Jersey I found a subsurface object corresponding in size to a 550 gallon tank (4’x6’)."
"I obtained a municipal permit for removal, subsurface utility mark outs and when I excavated I discovered the object was not a tank but a cache of revolutionary war era cannonballs."
- Number82EggFooYoung
"I totally thought you were about to play us with a really boring story."
- SixSpeedDriver
Two Decades Worth
"Been at it since 1999."
"I've found a lot of stuff so what would be the coolest find would be subjective."
"I've found a few gold rings , silver jewelry, silver coins, civil war bullets including a couple of possible 'bite' bullets and one union cavalry button."
"Top finds would be... several silver half dollars (Walking liberties from the 1940s and ben franklins from the 1950s). my oldest coin find (an 1853 seated liberty dime) , my only seated liberty quarter (1877), my three gold rings (one that has 25 small diamonds, another that is a wide band wedding ring with three initials carved into the outside with inlaid silver metal, and an old Herf jones graduation/school ring that is basically a blank... nothing carved into it), an uncrushed 1930s silver thimble (most found thimbles are crushed)."
"I've never found a gold coin or a silver silver dollar or a pocket watch, or a two cent coin, or a three cent coin. :("
"I live in Missouri so finds for the area will not be as old as say in the New England states. I DO know one guy who found an 1801 large cent in Kansas."
"I've found nearly every kind of coin from the 1850s to present day (barbers, wheaties, seateds, indianheads, standing liberties, etc. etc..). Only exceptions would be gold coins and silver dollars and some half dollars. I've posted some pics in my past AMAs and other posts so if you search my name and metal detecting or metal detector on reddit you will find them."
- dirtymoney
"Username checks out."
- Ketugecko
Solid Ending
"Literally only did it once with a friend when I was a teenager at a beach with a friend (he and his dad were really into it). We found a $20k watch in 1995 dollars."
"Wasn’t a Rolex, but can’t remember the maker. We took it to a jeweler who made a few calls and found out it was in a registry and the owner was called. He was elated as it was a gift from his wife. He sent us each a check for $1,000."
"The jeweler gave us each a b*tchin fake gold chain on the spot. Jean shorts and high tops need the perfect neck accessory and we got it!"
- DKmann
"So neat that you were able to find the original owner!"
- Amalmiem11
"Not only did you do the right thing, you got a good reward for it too. That's pretty awesome."
- drewisawesome14
Some Love
memories photograph GIF by Good Deed EntertainmentGiphy"I used to live near the railroad tracks near an airport and an old industrial area. They used to have a local station for the workers to shuttle into the area (late 1800's, early 1900's). They eventually tore down the station in the 30's/40's when the highways got built nearby."
"My dad used to take me with metal detectors and we would find railroad spikes, pocketwatches, wrist watches, old silver dollars and other coins."
"Best haul by far was a gold locket with a picture of someone's wife/girlfriend ensribed 'All My Love, Annie'. It wasn't the prettiest locket, but you bet your bottom dollar someone was kicking themselves for losing that precious treasure."
- TaxFreeTraveler
"All i can think is someone suffered a bad breakup and chucked the locket out of the train haha"
- super-goblin
Gold, Gold I Tell You
episode 12 gold GIFGiphy"Not my thing, but my brother was detecting just downstream from a popular swimming hole on the American River in California a couple of years ago, looking for dropped watches, phones, go pros, etc. Got a hit, flipped a rock, and found an 11.5-ounce gold nugget underneath."
"Miners tore the hell out of those rivers back in the 1849 Gold Rush, and amateurs have been panning it ever since, so it was pretty freaking incredible to find something that big."
- codefyre
A Cherished Find
"I was detecting on a beach and a desperate South African man approached and told me he had lost his necklace his mother (now deceased) had given him when he was young."
"His friend had wrapped it in a towel and gone swimming. Then upon returning, flicked the sand out of the towel with the necklace in it."
"He had to go home for the day, but I searched where he told me he was sitting. 15 minutes later, my metal detector went absolutely nuts for this beautiful silver chain."
'I said to him that had he not asked me to look for him, I would have definitely found it later that night long after he had left with no way of contacting him. Crazy how life works like that."
- Draviddavid
"Aww, that was really kind of you. I'm so glad you found it!!"
- foamcorps
Okay yeah - we'll admit, finding a whole town or a stash of revolutionary era cannonballs would be pretty worth it.
Which of these would be most worth it for you?