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If you stop to think about it, a lot of what we are taught to believe is attractive is really about reinforcing gender. We love wide hips and a smaller waistline - on women. We love broad shoulders and a strong back - on men.


Assertive girls are "bossy" but assertive boys are "natural leaders."

Talkative girls are "precocious" but talkative boys are "annoying."

Thing is, that sort of idea and reinforcement sucks. It's narrow, it's harmful, it overlooks the wonderful in-betweens and greys in life. It forces people into boxes and makes us doubt our awesomeness.

But it doesn't have to be like that.

One Reddit user asked:

What is attractive regardless of gender?

So let's talk about the things we love to see in others - regardless of gender.

The Eyes Have It

Masks have made me notice that a lot of people have very attractive eyes.

- polishpasty

Yes, I came here to say long eyelashes! Same could also be said for warm/kind eyes or a striking eye color.

- jules10622

My self esteem isn't the best but I have stared at myself in the mirror for quite a while with a mask on because I suddenly realize I have great eyes and lashes.

- lillilssss

Warmth

I Love You Reaction GIF Giphy

When the person knows how to make others feel included and valued:

A genuine kindness combined with a gentle sense of humor.

- Back2Bach

I've legit only felt this once I was hanging out with my brother's friends and they had a closed off circle talking and I was kind of awkwardly standing behind when this girl turned around and opened the circle for me and started asking me questions I didn't even know her but that was probably the best damn feeling I've had.

- LuckyHipster

This is a perfect description of my spouse. I knew from the moment we were introduced because of his gentle and genuine nature. It's hard to put into words but something in my brain "knew" that this connection was going to be lifelong.

-KFelts910

Genuine Smile

No one is more attractive then when they have a genuine smile on their face.

- Jay501

Aww curse my resting b!tch face. People never like me at first because of this, I have to be the one to convince them that I'm likeable. People hardly ever come up and talk to me on their own initiative.

- sophiarnold

Just A Joke

A good sense of humour.

- LGPxters

There's a lot of people who think they have a good sense of humor, but don't - so don't try and force it.

I know a guy who's philosophy seems to be "it's just a joke, bro". Never found him to be funny, but thought he was relatively harmless - until I heard a pretty horrific story where he asked a woman he didn't really know "What are you, pregnant?" as a joke.


This is normally a bad thing to say even on the best days, but is especially bad in this case because it was a woman who is biologically unable to have kids. It did not end well.

So, a good sense of humor is attractive, but forced humor is the opposite. Be careful to know the difference.

- whichwitch9

It took too long to find this comment! I've been way more into girls who I have fun with.

- eriks16

My sense of humor AND my ability to take a joke helped me land several women out of my league in High School :D

- Dizzy49

Thigh Thighs Save Lives

THIGHS. I don't care what gender you are, if you got good thighs (I mean like thick, but also STRONG) I am WEAK.

- Shadowtigerlilly

Oof same. Men that have really big thighs, women that have really big thighs.... bliss.

- Spacebitchxxx

I love that I'm not the only one that loves strong thighs. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm

- Glatog

Embrace The Guyliner

purple rain prince GIF Giphy

Eyeliner.

It looks good on everyone.

- hedda4va

I wish strict gender roles in society weren't a thing for many reasons, but one of them is definitely that if they didn't exist I think more more men would wear eyeliner. I have yet to meet a single person who doesn't look good in it.

- notwarriors_

As a male, I wore it once but felt so beautiful.

- damonatar

Posture Points

Good posture. Being hunched over isn't the most attractive thing in the world. (No offence to people with conditions that force them to be hunched over, I know how tough that can be.)

- supreme-king-Nero

My chiropractor roasted the sh!t out of my posture the last time I went for an adjustment, but like.... I got boobs weighing me down ya know????

- spacebtchxxx

I have now been shamed into adjusting my posture.

Also: Thank you! I was slouching in a ridiculous way.

- nuclearsalt

A Healthy Ego

To have a stable and healthy ego. Thinking of opposite examples, there are egos to be fed everyday (people who tend to be toxic towards others, repellant kind) and damaged egos (people who became silent/shy people, hidden kind, not the introverts tho). You get the point.

Having the healthier ego would help you both stand out to start a conversation with new people, and keep that conversation/connection you have with people.

Every time I get to give a friend/youngster my two cents on the topic, in short I tell them "Take on multiple responsibilities, start from basic/easy stuff, the more you see you can do stuff the more confident you'll become while you develop skills to be content with yourself. Either you'll learn simple stuff not to be bragged about, or more sophisticated stuff that'll make you feel like the more you know the less you know. This will keep you from all your talk being about how great you are. Also the more different stuff you're ok/good at, the wider base your ego covers, so you don't keep doing certain acts too often to feed your needy ego."

- forHonorDotA

Rolled Up Sleeves

Rolled up sleeves.

- hydraulic0

r/forearmporn agrees with you (as do I).

- flawedletter

Exception: one must actually be WEARING sleeves, in order to roll them attractively. Can't believe anyone would pull off rolling t-shirt sleeves.

- ElegantLion93

Hygiene

Hygiene. If you're a guy or gal it doesn't matter to me. You're automatically leagues above a lot of other people. Taking pride in one's appearance, and cleanliness(to a degree, not some Patrick Bateman sh!t) tells a lot about you and it naturally gives you a confidence boost which is also an attractive quality.

- DeathByButtplug

Be Silly

Enthusiasm and passion about whatever you're into. Nothing turns me off more than a fake blasé attitude because you're afraid of looking silly.

BE SILLY. Enjoy what you like.

- fragbert66

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Image by Anemone123 from Pixabay

Life is hard. It's a miracle to make it through with some semblance of sanity. We are all plagued by grief and trauma. More and more people of all backgrounds are opening up about personal trauma and its origins. Finally! For far too long we've been too silent on this topic. And with so many people unable to afford mental health care, the outcomes can be damaging.

All of our childhoods have ups and downs and memories that can play out like nightmares. We carry that, or it follows us and the first step in recovery is talking about it. So who feels strong enough to speak?

Redditor u/nthn_thms wanted to see who was willing to share about things they'd probably rather forget, by asking:

What's the most traumatizing thing you experienced as a child?
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Image by klimkin from Pixabay

Being single can be fun. In fact, in this time of COVID, being single can save lives. But the heart is a fickle creature.

And being alone can really suck in times of turmoil. None of us are perfect and it feels like that's all anyone is looking for... perfect.

Now that doesn't mean that all of us are making it difficult to partner up. Sure, some people are too picky and mean-spirited, but some of the rest of us are crazy and too much to handle. So one has to be sure.

The truth is, being single is confusing, no matter how much we try to match. So let's try to understand...

Redditor u/Mcxyn wanted to discuss some truths about love and our own issues, by asking:

Why are you single?
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Tiard Schulz/Unsplash

Whether you're an at home parent, a college student just leaving the nest, or a Food Network junkie, there are a few basic tips that everyone should know.

Chef's gave us some of their top tips for amateurs and beginner at home cooks that will really make a difference. They are trained professionals with years of experience in the kitchen, so they definitely know what we're all missing.

If you're looking to improve some of your cooking skills and techniques, but you're still learning how to boil water correctly, this list is for you.

Redditor BigBadWolf44 wanted in on the secrets and asked:

"Chefs of Reddit, what's one rule of cooking amateurs need to know?"

Let's learn from the masters!


What a common mistake!

"A lot of the time when people add salt to a dish because they think it tastes flat, what it really needs is an acid like lemon juice or vinegar."

- Vexvertigo

"Instructions unclear I drugged my dinner party guests and now they're high on acid."

- itsyoboi_human

"Yes! Or tomatoes. They're pretty acidic too and go with so many things. Our dinners are so much better once the garden tomatoes are ripe. Or if a dish is too acidic, oil/butter or a little sugar can help add balance to it."

- darkhorse85

"Like tomato and eggs. Every Chinese mom makes those slightly differently and I haven't had a tomato egg dish I didn't like yet."

- random314

"There's a book called 'Salt Fat Acid Heat' that comes highly recommended to amateur cooks."

- Osolemia

"Reading even just the first chapter about salt made a lot of food I cooked immediately better, because I finally understood salt wasn't just that thing that sat on the dinner table that you applied after the meal was cooked."

- VaultBoy42

"Salt is important for sweets. A batch of cookies without that little hint of salt doesn't taste quite right."

- Osolemia

Unfortunately, this tip might not be accessible to everyone. Many people who contracted COVID can no longer use their sense of smell the way they used to.

"Have a friend that lost his smell from COVID, and now he only recognizes if food is salty, sweet, sour or bitter."

- AlphaLaufert99

"Just wait until he gets his sense of smell back and a ton of foods smell like ammonia or literal garbage now. Yeah, that's fun... It's been 7 months for f*cks sake just let me enjoy peanut butter again!!!!!!!!!"

- MirzaAbdullahKhan

You can't take back what you've already put in.

"You can always add, but you cannot take away."

- El_Duende666

"I find people's problems usually are they're too scared to add rather than they add too much."

- FreeReflection25

"I see you also grew up white in the mid-west."

- Snatch_Pastry

Safety first!

"Not really a cooking tip, but a law of the kitchen: A falling knife has no handle."

- wooddog

"I'm always so proud of my reflexes for not kicking in when I fumble a knife."

"If I drop anything else, my stupid hands are all over themselves trying to catch it (and often failing). But with a knife the hardwired automatic reaction is jump back immediately. Fingers out of the way, feet out of the way, everything out of the way. Good lookin out, cerebellum!"

- sonyka

"Speaking of KICKING in. On first full time cooking job I had a knife spin and fall off the counter. My (stupid) reflex was to put my foot under it like a damn hacky sack to keep it from hitting the ground. Went through the shoe, somehow between my toes, into the sole somehow without cutting me. Lessons learned: (1) let it fall; (2) never set a knife down close to the edge or with the handle sticking out; (3) hacky sack is not nearly as cool as it could be."

- AdjNounNumbers

"Similarly, NEVER put out a grease or oil fire with water. Smother with a lid or dump baking soda in there (do not use flour, as it can combust in the air making things worse)."

- Metallic_Substance

How else will you know it tastes good?

"Taste the food."

- OAKRAIDER64

"Also don't be afraid to poke and prod at it. I feel like people think the process is sacred and you can't shape/flip/feel/touch things while you cook them. The more you are hands on, the more control you have."

"No, this does not include situations where you are trying to sear something. Ever try flipping a chicken thigh early? That's how you rip a chunk out of it and leave it glued to the pan until it's burnt."

- Kryzm

Here's one just for laughs.

"When you grab a pair of tongs, click them a few times to make sure they are tongs."

- Kolshdaddy

"People really overlook this one. You've gotta tong the tongs a minimum of 3 times to make sure they tong, or else it can ruin the whole dish."

- BigTimeBobbyB

If you're looking to get into cooking or to improve you technique, pay attention to these few tips.

Salt generously, add an acid to brighten things up, and don't forget to taste your food!

If all else fails, you can always order take out.

Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.

Victoria_Borodinova/Pixaba

As part of the learning process, children often do embarrassing things before they learn a little more about the world and all the different implications therein. While the inappropriate moment is usually minor and ends in laugher some instances are truly mortifying.

One such instance involved a little sister who was around 6 at the time. It was the 90s and at the height of the youth-focused PSAs (think the frying egg representing your brain). One type was a safety PSA about stranger danger. The speaker would remind the children that if a stranger tried to take you anywhere to yell “Stop, you're not my mommy/daddy" to raise the alarm.

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