If you stop to think about it, a lot of what we are taught to believe is attractive is really about reinforcing gender. We love wide hips and a smaller waistline - on women. We love broad shoulders and a strong back - on men.
Assertive girls are "bossy" but assertive boys are "natural leaders."
Talkative girls are "precocious" but talkative boys are "annoying."
Thing is, that sort of idea and reinforcement sucks. It's narrow, it's harmful, it overlooks the wonderful in-betweens and greys in life. It forces people into boxes and makes us doubt our awesomeness.
But it doesn't have to be like that.
One Reddit user asked:
So let's talk about the things we love to see in others - regardless of gender.
The Eyes Have It
Masks have made me notice that a lot of people have very attractive eyes.
Yes, I came here to say long eyelashes! Same could also be said for warm/kind eyes or a striking eye color.
My self esteem isn't the best but I have stared at myself in the mirror for quite a while with a mask on because I suddenly realize I have great eyes and lashes.
WarmthI Love You Reaction GIF Giphy
When the person knows how to make others feel included and valued:
A genuine kindness combined with a gentle sense of humor.
I've legit only felt this once I was hanging out with my brother's friends and they had a closed off circle talking and I was kind of awkwardly standing behind when this girl turned around and opened the circle for me and started asking me questions I didn't even know her but that was probably the best damn feeling I've had.
This is a perfect description of my spouse. I knew from the moment we were introduced because of his gentle and genuine nature. It's hard to put into words but something in my brain "knew" that this connection was going to be lifelong.
No one is more attractive then when they have a genuine smile on their face.
Aww curse my resting b!tch face. People never like me at first because of this, I have to be the one to convince them that I'm likeable. People hardly ever come up and talk to me on their own initiative.
Just A Joke
A good sense of humour.
There's a lot of people who think they have a good sense of humor, but don't - so don't try and force it.
I know a guy who's philosophy seems to be "it's just a joke, bro". Never found him to be funny, but thought he was relatively harmless - until I heard a pretty horrific story where he asked a woman he didn't really know "What are you, pregnant?" as a joke.
This is normally a bad thing to say even on the best days, but is especially bad in this case because it was a woman who is biologically unable to have kids. It did not end well.
So, a good sense of humor is attractive, but forced humor is the opposite. Be careful to know the difference.
It took too long to find this comment! I've been way more into girls who I have fun with.
My sense of humor AND my ability to take a joke helped me land several women out of my league in High School :D
Thigh Thighs Save Lives
THIGHS. I don't care what gender you are, if you got good thighs (I mean like thick, but also STRONG) I am WEAK.
Oof same. Men that have really big thighs, women that have really big thighs.... bliss.
I love that I'm not the only one that loves strong thighs. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm
Embrace The Guylinerpurple rain prince GIF Giphy
It looks good on everyone.
I wish strict gender roles in society weren't a thing for many reasons, but one of them is definitely that if they didn't exist I think more more men would wear eyeliner. I have yet to meet a single person who doesn't look good in it.
As a male, I wore it once but felt so beautiful.
Good posture. Being hunched over isn't the most attractive thing in the world. (No offence to people with conditions that force them to be hunched over, I know how tough that can be.)
My chiropractor roasted the sh!t out of my posture the last time I went for an adjustment, but like.... I got boobs weighing me down ya know????
I have now been shamed into adjusting my posture.
Also: Thank you! I was slouching in a ridiculous way.
A Healthy Ego
To have a stable and healthy ego. Thinking of opposite examples, there are egos to be fed everyday (people who tend to be toxic towards others, repellant kind) and damaged egos (people who became silent/shy people, hidden kind, not the introverts tho). You get the point.
Having the healthier ego would help you both stand out to start a conversation with new people, and keep that conversation/connection you have with people.
Every time I get to give a friend/youngster my two cents on the topic, in short I tell them "Take on multiple responsibilities, start from basic/easy stuff, the more you see you can do stuff the more confident you'll become while you develop skills to be content with yourself. Either you'll learn simple stuff not to be bragged about, or more sophisticated stuff that'll make you feel like the more you know the less you know. This will keep you from all your talk being about how great you are. Also the more different stuff you're ok/good at, the wider base your ego covers, so you don't keep doing certain acts too often to feed your needy ego."
Rolled Up Sleeves
Rolled up sleeves.
r/forearmporn agrees with you (as do I).
Exception: one must actually be WEARING sleeves, in order to roll them attractively. Can't believe anyone would pull off rolling t-shirt sleeves.
Hygiene. If you're a guy or gal it doesn't matter to me. You're automatically leagues above a lot of other people. Taking pride in one's appearance, and cleanliness(to a degree, not some Patrick Bateman sh!t) tells a lot about you and it naturally gives you a confidence boost which is also an attractive quality.
Enthusiasm and passion about whatever you're into. Nothing turns me off more than a fake blasé attitude because you're afraid of looking silly.
BE SILLY. Enjoy what you like.
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