Like it or not, life will deal you a bad hand from time to time. A mark of adulthood is being able to successfully deal with the problems that arise as you make your way through society. But what if no one ever taught you how to stick to a budget and track your credit score? What do you do if you've never been taught how to shop smart and eat balanced meals? How do you forge rewarding relationships when you've never learned how to stand up for yourself and establish boundaries? And how do you get by when you feel your countrymen have failed you?
After Redditor omfghewontkndle asked the online community, "What's a problem absolutely no one prepared you for?" people weighed in with their observations. Some are more sobering than others.
"Your teeth suddenly going bad..."
Your teeth suddenly going bad after age 30 when you've never had a cavity or any other dental issues in your life up to that point. Getting them fixed is expensive as hell, even with insurance.
"Everything in the media made it seem..."
Being in an abusive relationship as a male.
Everything in the media made it seem like it was only a female problem, which obviously sounds absurd, but it was never something I expected to happen to me. Any time you see a man getting getting abused in a movie or a TV show it is shown as physical comedy or as some kind of catharsis.
"Death is an abstract concept..."
Burying a parent changes you irrevocably. Parents die three deaths in my opinion: your perception of them as a remnant of your childhood as an invincible, indomitable mother or father, your present perception of them as your friend and resilient adult parent, and their final physical death where their vulnerability and fallibility is made almost callously apparent. The subsequent grief is so palpable, it emanates from your very being. Grief requires no announcements, we all feel it.
It's difficult to articulate the density of the desolation when your mother or father dies. Estranged parents and children, or children who resent their parents maybe cannot empathise but you'll still feel the elegiac loneliness.
Death is an abstract concept to people who've never lost anyone; it's refied through the death of a loved one.
"You hear about it as a kid..."
Worsening mental illness. You hear about it as a kid and think "sucks for those people."
Yeah, it sucks pretty bad.
"That's a new level of horror."
Being bullied by complete strangers.
Look, when you are in school, you have to deal with bullying by students in your class/grade. It's horrible, but it's something you got to deal with it (although I don't like the idea of "ignoring" bullying and having them eventually getting bored with you. Doesn't work. And your bullies are in control of your life).
But when complete strangers are harassing you? By kids who aren't even in your class/grade? Who are calling you by your name, so you know this is a personal attack, not a "that guy looks weird, let's f*** with him" scenario? That's a new level of horror.
"I was watching some neighbor kids..."
Not being able to feel things as strongly as when I was a kid.
I was watching some neighbor kids having a water fight earlier in the summer, and I swear the range of emotions they went through in a 5 minute period was more intense than what I've felt in the last year.
"Because they know you'll quit eventually..."
Employment. Work hard and do well and you'll be rewarded was the story I got. Turns out I should have been told to learn how to work okayish, be good at blaming others, and be awesome at sucking up to bosses. Only do well enough that it passes, and sell it like it's better than sex. That way, when you get promoted, you can leave behind a mess and ensure your successor won't catch up to you, while you work out the game for the next level.
Since I'm not an amoral authoritarian, I'm never gonna get promoted. And never have. It is a race thing as well, sure, but it doesn't help that I find the game repulsive as well. And those of us who work hard and do a good job? We just get burnt out being used by the guys cheating the system.
Thus, for the past two decades I just work only hard enough. Only good enough. To not be fired. I give it my okayest try and I save my energy so I can enjoy my life outside of work.
The business field doesn't want us workers to get anything more than they have to give. So do not give them any more than you have to. Why do you think they demand 110%!!! and hype up effort and more more more more numbers!!!! eh? Because they know you'll quit eventually cause you aren't gonna get anything.
"Being taught growing up..."
Being taught growing up that your country is a paragon of human rights & democracy, and that it is utterly infallible. And to now only to feel utterly and completely helpless as I watch it fall to the ideologies of hate.
"I remember I couldn't wait..."
How alone you'd feel the first nights on your own.
I remember i couldn't wait to get out on my own, i tried moving to edmonton, with no plan really, we were sleeping in our truck trying to find a place, and i remember laying there, thinking about my lil brother, my ma and dad, how i was just in high school, a kid, and now im here alone. I wasn't prepared for how hard that'd hit.
"Meanwhile, you have to compete..."
Getting a job. Turns out that doing well in college isn't enough, you need tons of experience to even get entry-level jobs. Meanwhile, you have to compete with tons of people with good grades in college and even more experience than you to get said entry-level jobs.
"Our education system does not allow students..."
Your career path or path in general. Everyone just tells you to go to college if you don't want to be broke and that's what "normal" people do. Our education system does not allow students to think critically and independently. All you need to do in school is to do your assignment and pass your exam. Teachers never tell you there're thousands of possibilities in life other than going to college and have a desk job. I think almost everyone is the victim of this education system. That's why so many people nowadays have quarter/mid-life crisis and other mental issues.
"Not being able..."
Not being able to get a good job because no one will give me experience even though I worked hard to get a degree. My parents have no friends with white collar jobs, and I don't know anyone either so I can even start networking.
The realization that an aunt I was once very close to is a racist in clear denial.
I'm a white man engaged to a black woman, and this aunt has said some very problematic things both to my fiancé in the past and in public conversations with a blatantly racist man on Facebook recently.
"I'm a lot more prepared these days..."
Packing my bag and walking out the door with nowhere to go.
I was going through a divorce at the time, despite it being an amicable split we were not getting along and she asked me to leave. Our marriage had alienated me from my family and my friends were not in a position to offer me a place to sleep.
I'm a lot more prepared these days. I know where local Shelters are, I know my rights as a tenant and I have my own savings account which I am very diligent about. The memory of how I felt on that first day though, that occasionally keeps me up at night.
"At least I can say..."
Sexual assault. You never think it's going to happen to you until it does. It's very tough to navigate on your own. Who do you call? Who do you tell? Where's the line? How do you deal with the anger and frustration when the police are no help? At least I can say I learned first hand how f***** up the justice system is.
"Living in one of the most privileged..."
Living in one of the most privileged, wealthy countries in the world but having 180,000 people die of a known virus inside of 6 months because the reality TV star president doesn't believe in science.
"You hear people talk about..."
Addiction and depression. You hear people talk about that sort of stuff, but it's all hypothetical and rather distant, especially when they tell you during your younger years. Then once those issues hit, it's like everything that you remember and were told is just BS, since the real experience varies so differently from what people who have never had depression or never been an addict told you.
"Coming to realize..."
Coming to realize how much was hidden from you by your parents. And having to accept a diagnosis passed down by genetics.
"End the cycle!"
So much shame. The root of all these things we weren't taught comes down to shame. End the cycle! Teach your kids about sex and mental health and failure and relationship and f***** up people and periods and self love! Honesty for the sake of growth and peace and fulfilling lives!
"It wasn't until I was older..."
Willfully ignorant people. I was raised with the opinion that people are smart in different ways. Like skillsets versus general intelligence. It was a nice way to say everybody has something to offer.
It wasn't until I was older where I watched people actively avoid knowledge to maintain an incorrect viewpoint.
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"What makes someone bad in bed?"
WHERE TO BEGIN?!
The list is endless.
Half the time all it takes to be better is a little effort.
RedditorMidoriSpicewanted to hear about the lack of skills some people really need to acquire when it comes to sexy time. They asked:
"What makes someone bad in bed?"
I love sex. But it can be stressful. I've always found connection to be one of the best lessons.
CommunicationsGIF by HULUGiphy
"Assuming they already know what their partner wants/likes and doesn't communicate or take any instructions."
Take it Slow
"No foreplay and not caring if your partner is enjoying it."
"I had an ex who literally never wanted to do any kind of foreplay. He just wanted basically sex of any kind for him. He said oral on women was gross."
"Proposing mid intercourse."
"Honestly? With the partner I have, I'd think it was pretty hot and romantic lmao. I'd check in after the deed to make sure he was serious but our relationship is already very serious so it wouldn't be a big deal."
Talk to Me
"Not talking or making any noises. We don't have to dirty talk the whole time or even at all but you gotta let me know you're enjoying it at least."
"I think there's some balance between having some small talk, silence, and dirty talk while being in bed with someone. Or maybe that's just been my experience. I don't know--I think there's some fun in trying to carry a side conversation while having sex lol."
"Friction isn’t always a good thing."
YuckBored Larry Bird GIF by SB NationGiphy
"To this you can add unclipped fingernails."
"And dirty fingernails. Nah, ma'am. I’m betting this is not worth the infection. Thanks."
‘good at sex’
"I have a feeling most men will say 'lack of enthusiasm' and that most women will say 'being selfish about pleasure.'"
"I’m a woman and my first thought was lack of enthusiasm, but my own lack of enthusiasm. The only bad sex I’ve had is when I don’t genuinely want to be there. I’ve had sex with guys who weren’t ‘good at sex’ but still enjoyed it because I was really into them."
"They are convinced they know more about what works for you than you know yourself. Just cause your ex-lover Pat liked technique X doesn't mean everyone does."
"Have experienced this, it sucks. He wouldn’t listen to what I enjoyed, didn’t want me to say ANYTHING even if it hurt or wasn’t working, and would just say something along the lines of 'every other woman I’ve been with liked it.' I’m thinking, all you’ve had are one-night stands, really, so they probably didn’t say anything."
"I’ve had numerous partners and love sex. Crashed and burned with this one and he really crushed my self-esteem and sexual confidence."
"The biggest thing is always going to be selfishness and the inability/refusal to communicate and listen to your partner. I've seriously had a guy yell 'I KNOW HOW TO DO IT!' when I was trying to tell him how I liked whatever he was doing. He then got even more upset when I said 'did you just f**king yell at me? Alright, off, I'm done.'"
FlavorsAmanda Seales Wow GIF by truTVGiphy
"Lack of variety. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean crazy kinks or positions from the karma sutra, but more when it's really predicable. I has an ex that had this weird routine of positions, it was exactly the same every single f**king time in exactly the same order."
Sex. Let's be better at it.
Do you have similar experiences to share? Let us know in the comments below.
Love is so elusive these days isn't it?
Who knows what anyone is looking for in the relationship department anymore.
It's all too exhausting.
But people we keep trying.
RedditorProblemNice5257wanted to hear why so many people are still on the hunt for that perfect one. They asked:
"Why are you single right now?"
I'm single because I've given up. And I'm good. For now.
PeaceSnoop Dogg Reaction GIFGiphy
"I put absolutely no effort into meeting someone."
"Same! Also it's extremely difficult when you feel so at peace being by yourself. The fact that I have to find someone whose presence outweighs my level of comfort being alone seems impossible."
"Hard to meet people when you are a hermit."
"Yeah, I describe myself as a shut-in, lol. I leave my apartment to work, I leave my apartment to buy food, and occasionally I’ll bring out the trash, otherwise I just watch Hulu, play online chess, surf Reddit."
"Same. I've spent months trying to find an apartment I can afford without a roommate and finally settled on a small studio apartment for $1100 a month because I'd rather living in a tiny space and be left the hell alone than share a much nicer place even with a good friend."
"I have too many unsolved issues, i can't in good conscience bring someone else into them."
"Idk your issues but everyone's got some crap. Not sure how unique yours are but everyone's got some crap. It's good to share some of your struggles with other people. Just don't open with it haha."
"Issues unresolved or not, (in my case) only makes it worse when you feel like you could open up to them, and they just take those to use it against yourself afterwards."
"I hardly go out and expose myself to people. I'm uncomfortable with the notion of myself being in a relationship at this point. Also, I'm very dry in terms of personality."
"I spent a year entirely isolated due to covid and now I can't handle physical contact. It makes me really uncomfortable and a hug is enough to make my body shut down. I'm hopeless."
truthCaptain America Lol GIF by mtvGiphy
"Supply chain issue."
"Best answer here."
That's funny. But it feels oddly true.
Ahhh...Think Winnie The Pooh GIFGiphy
"I'm attracted to many, and unattractive to all."
"Last relationship was so toxic, I've sworn off dating, at least for awhile. I haven't had this much free time in ages. It's nice."
"Edit: Hey, it's really great hearing from so many people with similar experiences. Like many of you, I've been taking it in stride and focusing on bettering myself, both physically and mentally. It's done wonders for my health and I feel a whole lot better. I wish y'all the very best. Stay excellent, my friends."
"I'm 35yr old single father to a 5yr old and I work nights. It's hard to find free time to meet someone, especially in my area. If I do have free time to myself, I like staying home and ordering a pizza while drinking some beers and playing video games. I pretty much faced the fact that I will probably be alone for the rest of my life."
"I was in an 8 year relationship (married for two) to my high school sweetheart. Exactly this same time last year, we got divorced because I found out he was cheating on me with my best friend. The best friend I had known LONGER than him and was friends with since fourth grade."
"She was living with us to try to get back on her feet. Yeah lol. So I lost my best friend and the man I had been with for 8 years within the same night. So I moved to another state, got an apartment by myself, and am now single and divorced all by 26. Not really looking unless the right person comes along."
"It’s pretty happy and peaceful now that they’re both out of my life though honestly. You realize people’s toxicity and flaws the most once you get space away from them."
Bad LoopSeth Meyers Whatever GIF by Late Night with Seth MeyersGiphy
"Because my relationships end before they even begin."
"This is my story right here."
Alright. Now that we've laid out all the excuses, let's get to matching with some people.
There is no bigger mystery than what happens to us after we die.
But even those who don't practice an organized religion tend to believe that there is a Heaven, a happy joyful place where our souls will remain for eternity.
No two people share the same idea of what heaven would be like, but everyone who believes in it probably has an idea of the first thing they'd do after entering the pearly gates.
Redditor WeDidItGuyz was curious to hear what would be top on everyone's list upon entering the afterlife, leading them to ask:
"If heaven exists, what’s the first thing you’d do?"
Overcome with joy
"In all reality?"
"Probably cry for about 30 minutes because the biggest existential fear at the very core my humanity has now been lifted."
"If Heaven exists, like 50% of the awesomeness is just the very fact that it exists."heaven gate GIF by South Park Giphy
A re-match long in the making
"Ask my childhood friend Kevon for a race."
"He used to beat me handily when were younger (9-13) and he’d always brag."
"When I got older and faster I moved away so I was never able to race him again."
"We arranged for a race but he was shot multiple times and bound to a wheelchair until he passed a few years ago."
"I wanna race him both in our prime."- Abethegreat1
Reunite with loved ones
"Find my husband, give him a huge hug and never let go again."
"Live our forever together."
"I f*cking love him and miss him so much."- jessdfrench
"Embrace my sweet wife and tell her how proud I am of the kids."- RifleShower
"Try to find my brother."
"Man, I miss him."
"He died in 2020 at age 34."- grummlinds1
"Give my mum and dad a big hug."- goonerjack007Miss U GIF by GIPHY Studios OriginalsGiphy
Achieve the "firsts" we never got to do
"Find my son and have a beer with him."
"Something we never got to do in real life."- tanukis_parachute
Hone new skills
"Try to play Smoke on the water on my harp."- Ashtar-the-Squid
The joy of doing nothing
"Rest."- BanzaikoowaidCare Free Black Girls GIF by AuroraDrawsGiphy
Live on without pain
"Enjoy my healthy back without pain."- Knackbein_
Who knows what's in store for us after our lives come to an end.
But living with the idea that something wonderful awaits when our time has come is all people need to continue to live their lives to the fullest, and treat others with the respect and kindness they deserve.
"Fun facts" generally refers to a tidbit of information about a specific topic which the general public might not have otherwise known about.
But the first word in that term can be misleading.
Indeed, some "fun facts" reveal information that isn't remotely "fun" in the slightes.
Redditor Alternative_kachocho was curious to hear some "fun facts" which were anything but fun, leading them to ask:
What's a 'fun fact' that isn’t fun at all?"
Ironically, something you likely don't think about...
"Your brain blocks you from feeling your organs moving around inside you."- Aydengeist06
Try watching Finding Nemonow...
"Only one in a thousand sea turtles born actually make it to adulthood."- Sebs_123
Shocking new light on an age old classic
"In the books, Stuart Little was never explicitly called a mouse."
"He's pretty much described as a deformed mouse-esque person born form human parents."- Red_Beard47stuart little mouse GIF by VIASAT3Giphy
Nature running it's course...
"There's a bird that feeds its younger offspring to the eldest."- Teacup_Cult
I have no allergies... yet
"Speaking from personal experience here, but your body can randomly decide to become allergic to damn near everything edible at any time."
"Not very fun."- smallemochick
Those poor, innocent creatures.
"In some regions of Australia, 90 percent of koalas have chlamydia, which poses a threat to the species' extinction unless a vaccine is created or widespread koala culling takes place."- tiffanyjcrusekoalas kiss GIFGiphy
They'd still be here if they weren't so delicious...
"The giant tortoise was so delicious, it caused not only itself to be hunted to extinction, but also the dodo."
"Giant tortoise meat was supposedly better tasting than chicken."
"It's fat tasted better spread on bread than butter."
"Also, it was the perfect food for sailors at the time, as their bladders stored 1 litre of purified water, and they could survive without food in hibernation for almost a whole year in the hull of a ship."
"Not to mention, because they evolved without humans, they were easy to hunt."
"You could tie one to your back, and roll another to the ship and they would just let you."
"It was so delicious, they went unrecorded for a long time because expeditions to bring living samples of wildlife to Europe kept eating them on the way."
"Conversely, the dodo, while as easily captured by sailors, tasted awful."
"It was completely unpalatable."
"HOWEVER, one day, someone discovered if you cooked dodo meat in the more delicious tortoise fat, it tasted just like chicken."
"So now, sailors were hunting a few tortoises at a time for their fat and water, storing them, and then hunting dodos on the daily."
"Overhunting, plus the introduction of rats to the environment (because sailors) which would eat eggs, led go the population to decline at a rate they could not breed to keep up, leading to both animals going extinct."- Kyhan
Don't forget the nose plugs
"Antarctica smells like penguin poop."
"Antarctica is a desert, it is too cold for bacteria to live."
"Nothing there to clean up penguin droppings."
"If you are close enough to see penguins, you will also smell them."- gummby8
Makes those long lines so worth it...
"The TSA missed 96% of contraband during an inspection in 2015."- omegasix321All Falls Down Tsa GIF by Kanye WestGiphy
"The person who had the first facial transplant had her face chewed up by her Labrador dog while asleep due to sleeping pill overdose." - User Deleted
It's hard not to read some of these "fun facts" and wonder if there should be an alternative term for the facts which aren't fun.
Oh yeah, probably not....