"How do you know when someone is really in an open relationship, and not a cheater pretending to be in one?"
When In Doubt, Don't...
"If you're feeling off about it, don't do it."- Massive-Ad7628
Bad Feeling I Anticipate Problems GIF by America's Got TalentGiphyConfirmation Needed From Both
"When the partner openly knows and acknowledges it."- EngineeringVirgin
"I was seeing a man who was married."
"He assured me that their relationship was open, that he had full permission to do whatever, and that if it would make me comfortable he would give me his wife’s number and she and I could chat."
"We saw each other for about four years."
"I went to pick him up at his house a couple times and his wife would say 'have a nice date!'."
"That’s the way to do it."
"Everything on the table."
"If there’s some sneakiness, something that makes you feel it’s not quite right, you need to listen to that feeling."- theyarnllama
"Ask to meet their partner."
"If they’re really open, it shouldn’t be a problem."- bloomautomatic
Threes Company Reaction GIF by moodmanGiphyAn Oldie But A Goodie...
"Ask them to pinky swear."- Still_kinda_hungry
Give Your Intentions A Second Thought As Well
"Agh."
"Ok so I’m in an open relationship with my partner and he hooked up with this girl, and we called her to go get a drink with us and she was like 'I knew he had a girlfriend, but I didn’t know you knew'.”
"After that I def didn’t want to hang out with her because she thought she was facilitating him cheating on me."
"Not cool."
"Intentions matter."- Physical_Witness_922
Ask And Answer
"In my experience, ask literally anything about what type of poly or open they are."
"Also anyone who isn't willing to get/show a recent std test isn't worth the risk."- Midori8751
just ask leslie jones GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphyInstructional Videos
"My SO and I just make videos explaining the situation and ground rules."
"That way, our potential partner know what they are dealing with."- TagtheCat
Doesn't Hurt To Check...
"I slept with a woman who was in an open marriage."
"Her husband called to check on her and ask if she was ok."
"She said she was fine and that was the extent of the call. I think that’s a pretty good indicator."- Fit-Concern-81
It's All About The Reaction
"When they introduce you to their SO as their lover and the SO is fine with it."
"Open relationships rarely sneak around on each other."- welltriedsoul·
“'So like…. You know your husbands screwing Ashley right….??'”
“'Yeah I know'.”- AkKik-Maujaq
It Must Be A Mutual Decision
"In my experience, one of my ex's said we were in an open relationship, however I didn't know that."
"So yeah, that's a cheater."
"I briefly dated someone that was in an open relationship (the couple were long distance)."
"I spoke on the phone with the girlfriend before any sex happened so we could all be on the same page regarding boundaries and intentions, what protection will be used, testing, etc."
"It really wasn't awkward, and I appreciated knowing that everyone was aligned."- korova_chew
Cartoons Button GIF by NickelodeonGiphyIf They Say No, That's A Problem
"Ask them if you can talk to their partner."- vivi2626
Don't Ask, Don't Tell... Don't Date!
"I've been poly for closing in on 2 decades."
"I used to run a large poly meetup in a huge metro area."
"I've seen it all, personally talked to several thousand+ poly folks over the years, etc."
"I REFUSE to engage with anyone in a DADT policy at all at this point."
"HARD F*CKING PASS, the vast majority of the time its cheating."
"And when its not I swear 95% of the time is because the couple with the DADT policy hasn't done any work around opening up their relationship and there are a LOT of problems involved."
"And I want nothing to do with that huge nightmare of a cluster f*ck anymore."
"Here's my perspective and where it comes from."
"The amount of cheating I've seen is beyond staggering."
"A huge percentage of the women I know have run into TONS of men that are cheating and try to use poly, dadt, etc as a guise to do it."
"I have zero reason to put that much trust in someone I just met. It's the same reason I ask for proof of STI testing."
"I can't understand people with the attitude of 'if you can't trust them why are you with them' the whole point is you don't know them that well why would you trust them?"
"This is one step in establishing some trust."
"The ethical part of ENM is a big big deal to me, and I refuse to be complicit in cheating and be put in an unethical situation."
"If cheating was rare it would be a different situation, but f**k it's common."
"I've verified 100% of my partners are in ethical situations, and none of them had a problem with it."
"I've had a number of their partners thank me for actually checking."
"I'll accept a few options for verification, a phone call, voice chat, a brief text exchange while my date is present, a prerecorded voice / video message, or showing me snippets of a conversation where being poly is discussed / confirmed and there is a long-standing chat history with said person."
"Most of the time I had already met or seen their partner, so I already knew it was ethical."- f*cklifehard
Schitts Creek No GIF by CBCGiphyMany couples have said that their communication and commitment has greatly improved after opening their relationships.
When one half of a couple seeing other people causes pain and unhappiness, however, it seems clear that that relationship is not open in a healthy way.
Particularly if only one person is truly benefitting from it.
Redditor leilavanora wanted to hear about the people who left this world too soon, so they asked:
"How did the kid from your school die?"
So many people gone before their time!
Gruesome
Episode One Armchair GIF by PBSGiphy"Fell off a jet ski and then got hit by it when the driver turned around. Drowned."
lindseys10
"Jet skis are insanely dangerous. If you read up on jet ski deaths they are awful much more gruesome too."
anightclubfordogs
Family Issues
"There was a boy from a family of alcoholics, whose parents divorced, he lived with a mom who was a very heavy drinker and a stepdad. Stepdad had a son who spent quite some time in mental facilities and rehab because he f**ked up his brain with drug use. The son eventually came home to live with his father and my classmate. One time the classmate accidentally saw his stepbrother sniffing glue from a bag."
"Stepbrother got mad, poured kerosene on him, and lit him up. When his mother saw her child was burning she jumped out the window and ran away while his younger siblings were trying to put out the fire. Unfortunately, once they managed to he was already dead."
Healthy-Gain-6586
April
"End-stage renal disease. She was doing good for a couple of years and waiting for a transplant while getting regular dialysis but ended up passing away in 11th grade."
whiteoff44
"That's sad. Plug for Organ donation awareness: April is National Donate Life month. Every day, 17 people die in the US waiting for an organ transplant. If you aren't an organ donor already, sign up at https://www.organdonor.gov/sign-up"
jackruby83
It was devastating
"He froze to death in his sleep after passing out in the snow. It was a school trip with his class and they had some beers but probably some of the first few times they tried alcohol. It was devastating. They were moving from one house to another and he had said he needed a break in between but everyone forgot or just thought he was in another house."
"It sounds like an obvious mistake but it's not necessarily that cold even if it's snow, especially after a drink. To lie down and chill on a snow pile with a good jacket is no problem but if you pass out and forget well damn."
Fit-Childhood879
WTF
Shock What GIF by Paramount+Giphy"In middle school, my neighbor accidentally shot and killed his best friend while hunting. Years later he was beheaded by the Taliban along with two English men. Unbearably sad."
Suspicious-War-8839
Guns and hunting. That is just constant danger.
No Violence
No Way Do Not Want GIF by Schitt's CreekGiphy"Wrestling team bully with anger management issues punched an elderly man in a road rage incident and the elderly man shot him dead and was acquitted as it was deemed self-defense."
evolution9673
So Fragile
"He was playing football and randomly passed out. Never woke up again."
Aints*itAngel
"Happened on the soccer pitch next to ours when I was playing 5-a-side with my work buddies. The kid who looked late teens fell down hard and didn't come back up again. They tried CPR and the defibrillator from the office before the paramedics showed up."
"We just stood there speechless watching it go down. And while it looked super bad, they took him away on a stretcher still working on him so I didn't actually find out he died until a week later when we were back for our usual slot and they held a silence."
"Never even found out the kid's name but I still think about it sometimes. Life can so be fragile."
ianjm
Wired
"An electrician screwed up rewiring her family’s house so a live wire was touching a metal pipe connected to the bath. Her mum was wearing rubber work boots when she filled the bath so wasn’t electrocuted but she must have accidentally brushed against the tap or gone to add some more water while submerged and was killed instantly. We lived in a very small town where everyone knew each other so it really rocked our community. She was in the grade above me so would have been around 10-11."
TimedDelivery
Be Safe
Driving Time Lapse GIF by YevbelGiphy"Like 5 of them died of drunk driving accidents, three of them at one time, Little redneck school in the middle of nowhere apparently people seem to think drinking and driving is the only way to have fun."
Maleficent-Touch-67
Life is fleeting and fragile.
Appreciate every second, kids.
