People Explain Which Deal Breakers They Overlook In Their Significant Other
Being in a relationship means opening your heart up to someone.
Now, depending on where you're at in your relationship decides how open the heart is. Couples in the beginning probably keep things close to the chest, playing it safe, not revealing too much just in case the new love goes sour. Why tell someone your darkest secrets if the fling only lasts 10 days? However, couples who have been together for a long time know quite a bit more. And sometimes what they know would be a dealbreaker for someone else.
Reddit user, u/Caspar-the-ghost, wanted to know:
What flaw do you accept about your significant other that would be a deal breaker for many?
An Enthusiasm For Everything
GiphyHe talks a lot. He rambles about everything possible, from the origin of salty licorice to why there are so many irregular verbs in French to his old work experiences to the most minute historical or mythological facts. Sometimes he'll laugh when I'm working, I'll go "hm?", and he'll talk for five minutes straight about some obscure fact he just learned.
I love his enthusiasm. :) I genuinely like his little rants as signs of his boundless intellectual curiosity-- I always learn something, and we'll never run out of things to talk about. And besides, I talk a lot too, so we're well matched!
Understanding The Past To Have A Better Future
Talking about his exes. From what I know, people aren't really a fan of their SO talking about their exes. I'm perfectly fine with mine talking about his often because I just want to understand more about his prior experiences just so I can keep in mind what not to do, as well as let him get his feelings out because of how much its impacted him.
Just Tell me Where You Want To Go To Dinner!
He won't say no! If he doesn't want to do something or go somewhere he will beat around the bush. It is fun to act like I can't tell the he's implying no, until he finally says it.
But You're Still Together, Right?
She will leave a dirty plate on the counter top above the empty dishwasher rather than rinsing and filing it INSIDE the dishwasher.
Drives me nuts
We Can't Always Order Out
She doesn't cook.
Doesn't bother me since I love cooking and worked in catering for many years... But might be a deal breaker for some
Imitation Is The Sincerest Form Of Flattery? Right?
Honestly I think my boyfriend is pretty accepting about my god awful snoring. I've never thought to record it but the impressions he does are... not flattering.
No Time Apart. And It's Okay.
Both of us prefer to spend all of our time together. It's not a codependent/dysfunctional thing because neither of us gets upset or stressed out if we can't, but we're happiest in each other's company and, given a choice, we'd always choose to be together. The whole pandemic situation hasn't been a problem for us because it's actually allowed us to be together more as is our preference. However, I understand this doesn't work for most people, but it's always worked for us.
Marry Him. Marry Him Now.
He wore a fedora in one of his senior high school photos
more like a deal maker wtf
Time To Think
GiphyWith my man, he needs time to think about serious subjects or even minor decisions sometimes, so you can't expect him to give an answer right away. It can be really frustrating, especially when you kind of need an answer right away.
I've come to think of it as him being very invested in even the little things in our lives because he cares so much. Because this is how his brain works, I try to give him lead time or if a decision needs to be made right away, I offer to be the one to make the call, which takes it off his plate all together.
He accommodates my anxieties and quirks, so it's definitely not a one way street.
When You Really Can't Blame The Person
My wife grew up in a hoarder home. Not the level you see on TV but close. So she is basically use to living in a house that isn't organized and she never really learned to clean up after herself.
Every now and than I get irritated but in our 5 years of marriage she has changed me to be a better person so significantly that i can live with it. For every flaw she has ten positives and I love her
You're Essentially His "Find Me" App
Hooooooly cow, this man would lose his own hand if it wasn't attached to him. Seriously, he loses his credit card every couple months and has to cancel/replace it.
Almost every morning I have to find his keys for him despite there being a BASKET in the KITCHEN for KEYS and stuff. They're never in the basket.
Forgets to take his meds too, which increases his spacey-ness (antiepileptics). I got him one of those plastic pill organizers...but half the time he takes the pills from the bottles instead and then forgets he took them so we never know if he actually took them or not unless I count the remaining pills.
Leaves dishes/food wherever once he's done with them (yes, cooking/dishes is my job but STILL), which means we have to replace perishable items like mayo or milk constantly because he'll leave them out all day/night and if I'm not home to put them away, they've gone bad.
I swear he uses up all of his focus at work, because he's a very skilled nurse...but the second he gets home it's as if his mind has run out of battery!
Still love this guy though
Much Different Story 20 Years Ago
Not necessarily a flaw, but when my ex and I first started out, he said "before we continue there's something I have to tell you." I was bracing myself for the worst, something like he had AIDS or I don't know what. He said "sometimes I like to wear skirts."
"...is that all? That's fine!" And we had years of fun times with him wearing skirts a lot. (I am female.) Went to an exhibition in the Met (NYC) about men in skirts through history, wore them out in public sometimes, wore them as pajamas and around the house, we did kinky things with them, and eventually he had a closet full of his own skirts (some he got online but others I helped him with at places like Kohl's). It did not bother me in the slightest and frankly I found it amusing, almost endearing.
Note that this was nearly 20 years ago so society wasn't as warmed up to the idea of gender fluidity, though it was in the making. In related news, after we broke up, he ghosted me and last I heard he is becoming a she. Which pisses me off because I could've totally been there to support and help with the transition. Wherever you are, I truly hope you are happier!
The Definition Of True Love
They don't fully close the tops on jars
How do you tolerate this madness[?]
Keeping Everything Close To The Chest
His intense secrecy. He doesn't even keep things secret on purpose, he just doesn't mention things as a default and the result is very, very weird. His whole family is like this, freakishly unwilling to talk about themselves. He is so secretive that I found out after seven years together that he has two brothers, not one. Nothing scandalous or anything at all, they talk on the phone once every few months (!!!) and when I emailed his brother he wrote back right away to say hi, seems like a nice normal dude.
But I guess since he lives in New Zealand he doesn't come to family gatherings so I haven't met him. This is par for the course.
I found out about a grad degree when we ran into one of his profs at a burrito place.When I asked why he never mentioned his brother, he just said that he would have if I asked. I don't know that "how many brothers do you have" is a question you should have to ask?!? But apparently...
We're Victims To Our Parents' Legacies
When she gets stressed she screams. It is horrible. I learned how her mother treated her and understand it a lot more. She already been to therapy once she realized how much it troubles me. That says a lot about her character. She saw a problem and is working on it. Now when she gets stressed and raises her voice, she knows I will just leave the house. I mean no disrespect, just leaving until she calms down.
The Most Intimate And The Most Vulnerable
GiphyShe's not very good at sex. I love her and marriage isn't all about sex. She had an eating disorder (bulimia) most of her life and just kinda freezes up when we are intimate. We have three GORGEOUS and healthy kids after losing four and wondering if we would ever have any. We have a good life. Just not good sex.
You and my husband are in the same boat. We have been married 6.5 years, have two healthy kids, have lost two, and are currently incubating one.
I am NOT good at sex. We have fought, cried, and struggled to develop a healthy sex life. Its not easy, we have a long way to go, but we haven't given up.
Ultimately, we both recognize the need for a healthy sex life and we work really hard to help each other out. I hope someday it becomes more natural for me, but until then, my husband is a trooper!
Hoping the same for the two of you!
- People Explain Which Common Dating Deal-Breakers They Are Actually Into - George Takei ›
- People Confess The One Secret They're Keeping From Their Significant Other - George Takei ›
- People Imagine How They'd React If Their Significant Other Wanted To Sleep With Other People - George Takei ›
- People Break Down Which Things Should Be Kept Private From A Significant Other - George Takei ›
- People Share Their Biggest Relationship Deal Breakers - George Takei ›
Money makes the world go round.
It contributes to the betterment of society.
Well, that is what we're led to believe, right?
That is why so many of these big billion-dollar companies get fabulous tax breaks.
But sadly so many big-money jobs only help themselves.
In fact, a lot of fancy, money careers only focus on the green and not the people.
Redditor ThurnisHailey wanted to discuss the careers that leave little to help the world, so they asked:
"What high-paying jobs contribute very little to society/humanity?"
Anti-Robinhood
Real Estate Realtor GIF by South ParkGiphy"My sister makes a lot of money in real estate. She helps rich people get even richer."
Ieatalot2004
"To be fair, most jobs are helping rich people get richer."
nBrainwashed
Useless
"As a marketing manager, I can tell you I have one of the most useless jobs in the world."
erose994
"What do you actually do as a marketing manager? I'm just curious."
bertolintus
"Mostly wrangle the opinions of 8,000 people who all think a project should be executed differently and all feel like it needs to be done yesterday. And pass that project through a complicated and overly bureaucratic system of approvals until it inevitably stalls out in a VP's inbox, and you have to send them 3 reminder emails just to get it done."
"Other than that... Talking to agencies (at least where I work, we outsource our graphic design, social media, and advertising work to third parties), building annual strategies, planning social media and email content, and occasionally getting to do something fun like writing a blog post."
"Oh, and managing budgets. But it's budgeting season right now so that's a touchy subject."
erose994
Data Collection
"Some of the best-paid people are figuring out how to collect as much data about you as possible to show you the best adverts. Or how to shave off milliseconds off a trading decision and build better arbitrage strategies to buy and sell the same thing millions of times."
Weak_Commercial_7124
The Middle
"IT middle management. I always thought they did nothing, then I was promoted to one and now I can actually confirm it."
"Do nothing, contribute nothing. Worthless."
RedditWhileImWorking
"I honestly think middle management is all about what you make it. If you're motivated and WANT to make things happen for the better, I think you generally can, but it's also very easy as a middle manager to just maintain the status quo and literally do nothing but collect a paycheck."
TinaBelchersBF
Complicated
people love GIFGiphy"Hospital administration. Obviously, hospitals are important and are complicated systems that need proper management, but any doctor, nurse, etc. can tell you that hospital admins aren't exactly looking out for your health and safety."
dancingbanana123
It's sad to learn hospitals are a scam. Tragic.
Office Time
Staring Episode 2 GIF by The OfficeGiphy"Administrators who spend a lot of time inside an office in calls or meetings but have very little to do with the hands-on work that actually advances stuff."
Ukhupa
Dirt
"I'm using a burner account. I'm a political strategy advisor which is code for opposition researcher. I work for a federal government party in my country. I research for gossip or dirt on our political opponents and feed stories to the media to disparage them and have us win elections. I feel all I do is make people more disenchanted with politics."
Clean-Elephant9363
Moochers
"During the pandemic, didn't you notice that the 'essential workers' were often paid minimum wage? Seems like the important jobs that actually keep everything running are not being paid much at all, most of the time. All the value of their labor is being sucked out of them by the wealthy moochers who just happen to own the company but never do any work."
Pipboypipboycheerio
Liars
dominic cooper preacher GIF by Amazon Prime Video UKGiphy"Megachurch preachers are evil AF."
MpVpRb
"The fleecing of gullible sheep is a story as old as humanity."
wittie2
Well, people certainly had some feeling about these career paths. What do you think? Do you have anything to add?
While we may not all want to admit it, most of us would really like to be remembered for something.
It might be something as simple as being remembered as an excellent friend or it might be something as big as winning the Nobel Prize.
No matter what it is we want to be remembered for, we all have a unique story to share, but only a select few will choose to share that story through writing a book.
Redditor Caseated_Omentum asked:
"If you were writing an autobiography, what would your opening sentence be?"
The Unreliable Narrator
"I am not a reliable narrator of my own life."
- profanearcane
"I wrote my autobiography a couple of years ago because I have bad memory issues… and this was pretty much my first line, as well."
- solargalaxy6
Good Start
"When I was born, I briefly held the record for being the youngest person alive. It was all downhill from there."
- peon47
Charles Dickens, Is That You?
"My birth was announced with notices in two English local newspapers: It was the Bicester Times, it was the Worcester Times."
- BobBobBobBobBobDave
In Hindsight
"Looking back, I realize that I brought it all upon myself."
- Keefer1970
Something Out of a Douglas Adams Novel
"…I saw a portal. The portal was called, 'Earth, the Suckiest of all Realms.'"
"There was a neon flashing arrow with the words, 'You will regret coming here.'"
"And I said, 'Well, what the f**k. How bad could it be?'"
"And so I entered…"
- Louise-the-Peas
The Big Disclaimer
"Do not under any circumstances attempt to replicate or reenact any experiences in this book."
- Spirited-Reaction257
"Put a big red DISCLAIMER on the front."
- NidzoKamikaza
"These stunts were not done by professionals or under the supervision of professionals. Please do not attempt to replicate or copy anything I recount in these texts."
- GuyNamedWhatever
Solo from the Beginning
"Neither of my parents showed up for my own birth."
- TheBoldHold
"'I was born an orphan' is actually possible and would be an epic, tragic way to start an autobiography."
- Arild11
Repressed Memories
"Most of what I remember didn't happen, and most of what I don't remember did."
- ElHoser
No Refunds
"You made a mistake buying this book."
"EDITED TO ADD: I know it's supposed to be the first sentence, but since you guys REALLY liked it, I’ll extend it a bit:"
"Seriously, you could have spent your money on anything else, yet you spent it on this. There is nothing interesting about my life. But oh well, there are no refunds, so you might as well just read it."
"This might be a fan favorite, or that one book you read a couple of pages of, then put in the drawer where it lies for the rest of eternity. But I got my money anyways so I don’t care. Good luck with the rest of your life, and good luck on maybe reading this book."
- Brotastic29
Very Meta
"In the beginning, [Anonymous] was created. This had made many people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move."
- Cultural_Bison_6306
Run, Forest, Run!
"Despite what Forrest Gump said, life is not, in fact, like a box of chocolates."
"EDITED TO ADD the second sentence:"
"It is more like a box on Minesweeper: you pick a blue tile and you never know if you're safe or if your f**king brains are gonna be blown out."
- radioactiveteacup
So Unfair
"Just because my parents wanted to f**k back in 1964, I'm stuck here cleaning up everyone's f**k-ups."
- TrailerParkPrepper
"Your username seems intriguingly relevant."
- WillieFast
"Ask yourself this, is he a prepper living in a trailer park, or does he prep said trailer park?"
- nxnphatdaddy
"I want to read the book about a person who preps trailer parks."
- hp640us
What a Journey
"So I was chilling out in this super comfortable uterus when suddenly..."
- Viking_Hippie
"…I was evicted. My tenancy agreement wasn’t even up for two more weeks!"
- yoursextape
"Actually, I was supposed to have gotten out on my dad's birthday, but I was so precocious that I knew then and there that staying a couple of weeks longer was the better play."
- Viking_Hippie
"I mean, it was really nice. For nine months, I didn't have a single problem or care in the world. I had a private, heated swimming pool, could sleep whenever I wanted to for as long as I wanted to, and I could daydream for hours."
"I never felt hungry, cold, sad, worried, or bored. I was constantly waited on and didn't have to do menial work (like breathing on my own)."
"But in the end, the living space felt kind of cramped and I just went with the flow."
- karayna
Let's Be Real
"I am not the type of person who writes autobiographies, and if you're interesting you likely don't read many; I will endeavor to make this entertaining for both of us."
- Organic-Roof-8311
Multi-Genre Crossover
"This book may seem like a work of fiction; a horror story, a Shakespearean tragedy, a heartwarming tale of hope; but I assure you, everything within the confines of these pages actually happened. The good and the bad."
- Frostbyte525
While not everyone is destined to write a book, or more specifically an autobiography, there were certainly some interesting starts here that we'd love to see more of.
It's a great reminder that there are more of us out there who could write a good story if we only gave ourselves the time to do it.
When it comes to possessions, everyone is different depending on the individual's tastes and demands.
After all, one man's trash is is another man's treasure, or so they say.
Possessions can also include intangible assets like ideas, talent, trademarks, and intellectual property.
While the list of these items is endless, there are some things people shouldn't go through life without having.
This was explored specifically applying to one gender when Redditorsimmer5523 asked:
"What is something every man should own?"
Listen up, gents.
Claiming Responsibility
"His f'kups."
– lrbiester
"Hi, Proud owner of many f'kups here, trying to be better."
– ghoul_legion
Staying Humble
"A self-awareness based sense of humor. I define this as a man understanding that it's okay to be the butt end of a joke. Don't hang your pride on being untouchable... if you lean into a joke, it passes you faster and nobody at all really cares. I have found that people think I'm more confident and charismatic than I actually feel."
– ManyThat9040
Stay Confident
"Self Respect."
– ChairmanSaab
"Sorry bro I lost that years ago along with any confidence in myself."
– danktt1
"You can always get it again."
– CharimanSaab
These can be practical necessities, regardless of gender.
This Holds
"A good quality bucket. You never know when you'll need it. This applies to everyone, not just men."
– Dhampyre-supreme
"And something in the larger size range."
– cCitationX
"Hey man, it’s not about size, it’s about how you use it."
– Christmas_Panda
Odds And Ends
"Add a flashlight with spare batteries, condom and Plan B, car jack, plunger, tire iron and weapon to the list of 'it's better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it.'"
– 1vertical
These can definitely come in handy.
Dental Requirement
"A toothbrush."
– EnvironmentalMoney87
"I had a roommate once who didn't own a toothbrush. He just chewed gum and figured that was good enough. Some of the worst breath I've ever encountered."
– Nooples
Can't Live Without Them
"Tools, and a willingness to learn how to use them. Long term, there is practically no better investment."
– AdamOas
"The first rule of home repair and improvement : The one tool you do not yet own is the tool the next project will require."
– Proud-Wrongdoer5053
Cooking Essential
"A decent set of kitchen knives. Everyone, regardless of their gender should know how to cook."
– WhiskeysDead
"Chef’s knife, pairing knife, kitchen shears and a bread knife. Maybe a cleaver, that’s 95% of stabby/slicey/choppy kitchen related tasks."
– gratusin
These suggestions would help improve men's image.
Manner Of Dress
"Professional clothes."
"A suit is well and good, but a freshly ironed buttoned shirt and chinos with a belt will work too. A watch is also of benefit."
"As much as people say looks don't matter, it's a lie. The first thing you can possibly be judeged on is your appearance, second is how you carry yourself. Take care of your appearance, stand up straight, look forward, shoulders squared, look people in the eyes, and speak clearly."
"You don't need to always be looking or acting professional, but the ability to when necessary is invaluable. It's a great way to make a good first impression, which can open a lot of doors for you."
"You don't even need to be in good shape to do so. My brother is a heftier gent, and even still he has the ability to look very professional and carry himself in a way that draws both attention and respect."
– Nath_davies98
Stay Organized
"A good quality wallet. No velcro, football badge/camo effect effort. A nice wallet made of good quality material neatly containing all your important cards etc."
"Ladies spot these things."
– Specialist-Cake-9919
A handkerchief is something I like to carry when most guys don't.
They can easily go in men's pockets, and are not at all cumbersome to have on his person.
What's it good for?
To wipe off a moistened forehead, preventing runny noses, and wiping off armpit sweat before it appears on the expensive shirt he's wearing during a job interview.
The whole point is to never let them see you sweat–whether it's for a business meeting, giving presentations, or a first date.
Men can at least look classy on the outside under potentially intimidating scenarios with a hankie.
You're welcome.
The Best Ways To Tell If Someone's In An Open Relationship Or Actually Cheating On Their Partner
Views of commitment and monogamy in romantic relationships continue to evolve.
More and more couples have decided to open their relationships, seeing other people while still remaining committed to one another.
Dating someone who's in an open relationship can take some getting used to, however, as the feeling of knowing your new romantic interest is going home to their spouse or partner following your date is strange, to say the least.
Then too, can you ever be certain that they are in fact in an "open relationship," and not just cheating on their partner?
"How do you know when someone is really in an open relationship, and not a cheater pretending to be in one?"
When In Doubt, Don't...
"If you're feeling off about it, don't do it."- Massive-Ad7628
Bad Feeling I Anticipate Problems GIF by America's Got TalentGiphyConfirmation Needed From Both
"When the partner openly knows and acknowledges it."- EngineeringVirgin
"I was seeing a man who was married."
"He assured me that their relationship was open, that he had full permission to do whatever, and that if it would make me comfortable he would give me his wife’s number and she and I could chat."
"We saw each other for about four years."
"I went to pick him up at his house a couple times and his wife would say 'have a nice date!'."
"That’s the way to do it."
"Everything on the table."
"If there’s some sneakiness, something that makes you feel it’s not quite right, you need to listen to that feeling."- theyarnllama
"Ask to meet their partner."
"If they’re really open, it shouldn’t be a problem."- bloomautomatic
Threes Company Reaction GIF by moodmanGiphyAn Oldie But A Goodie...
"Ask them to pinky swear."- Still_kinda_hungry
Give Your Intentions A Second Thought As Well
"Agh."
"Ok so I’m in an open relationship with my partner and he hooked up with this girl, and we called her to go get a drink with us and she was like 'I knew he had a girlfriend, but I didn’t know you knew'.”
"After that I def didn’t want to hang out with her because she thought she was facilitating him cheating on me."
"Not cool."
"Intentions matter."- Physical_Witness_922
Ask And Answer
"In my experience, ask literally anything about what type of poly or open they are."
"Also anyone who isn't willing to get/show a recent std test isn't worth the risk."- Midori8751
just ask leslie jones GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphyInstructional Videos
"My SO and I just make videos explaining the situation and ground rules."
"That way, our potential partner know what they are dealing with."- TagtheCat
Doesn't Hurt To Check...
"I slept with a woman who was in an open marriage."
"Her husband called to check on her and ask if she was ok."
"She said she was fine and that was the extent of the call. I think that’s a pretty good indicator."- Fit-Concern-81
It's All About The Reaction
"When they introduce you to their SO as their lover and the SO is fine with it."
"Open relationships rarely sneak around on each other."- welltriedsoul·
“'So like…. You know your husbands screwing Ashley right….??'”
“'Yeah I know'.”- AkKik-Maujaq
It Must Be A Mutual Decision
"In my experience, one of my ex's said we were in an open relationship, however I didn't know that."
"So yeah, that's a cheater."
"I briefly dated someone that was in an open relationship (the couple were long distance)."
"I spoke on the phone with the girlfriend before any sex happened so we could all be on the same page regarding boundaries and intentions, what protection will be used, testing, etc."
"It really wasn't awkward, and I appreciated knowing that everyone was aligned."- korova_chew
Cartoons Button GIF by NickelodeonGiphyIf They Say No, That's A Problem
"Ask them if you can talk to their partner."- vivi2626
Don't Ask, Don't Tell... Don't Date!
"I've been poly for closing in on 2 decades."
"I used to run a large poly meetup in a huge metro area."
"I've seen it all, personally talked to several thousand+ poly folks over the years, etc."
"I REFUSE to engage with anyone in a DADT policy at all at this point."
"HARD F*CKING PASS, the vast majority of the time its cheating."
"And when its not I swear 95% of the time is because the couple with the DADT policy hasn't done any work around opening up their relationship and there are a LOT of problems involved."
"And I want nothing to do with that huge nightmare of a cluster f*ck anymore."
"Here's my perspective and where it comes from."
"The amount of cheating I've seen is beyond staggering."
"A huge percentage of the women I know have run into TONS of men that are cheating and try to use poly, dadt, etc as a guise to do it."
"I have zero reason to put that much trust in someone I just met. It's the same reason I ask for proof of STI testing."
"I can't understand people with the attitude of 'if you can't trust them why are you with them' the whole point is you don't know them that well why would you trust them?"
"This is one step in establishing some trust."
"The ethical part of ENM is a big big deal to me, and I refuse to be complicit in cheating and be put in an unethical situation."
"If cheating was rare it would be a different situation, but f**k it's common."
"I've verified 100% of my partners are in ethical situations, and none of them had a problem with it."
"I've had a number of their partners thank me for actually checking."
"I'll accept a few options for verification, a phone call, voice chat, a brief text exchange while my date is present, a prerecorded voice / video message, or showing me snippets of a conversation where being poly is discussed / confirmed and there is a long-standing chat history with said person."
"Most of the time I had already met or seen their partner, so I already knew it was ethical."- f*cklifehard
Schitts Creek No GIF by CBCGiphyMany couples have said that their communication and commitment has greatly improved after opening their relationships.
When one half of a couple seeing other people causes pain and unhappiness, however, it seems clear that that relationship is not open in a healthy way.
Particularly if only one person is truly benefitting from it.