Folks not every compliment is a compliment.
Growing up, I used to have people tell me all the time how pretty I would be if I grew up to look like my mother. My mom is pale skinned with straight black hair, dimples and bright green eyes. She also had a perfect pear shape figure.
I, on the other hand, ended up boxy, olive skinned, with a riot of curls and brown eyes.
In other words, nothing like my mom.
That's not to say I'm not a total baddy. I'm the flyest of fly - just in a totally different way than my mother is and growing up I had it drilled into my head that I'd be beautiful if I looked like her.
Like... I'd be gorgeous if I looked like Marilyn Monroe, too, but I don't. I look like me. That sh*t was not a compliment and it took me forever to see my beauty because I didn't live up to the standard that had been set for my brain.
One Reddit user asked:
Fam - I am not the only one out here living the salt life at people who pay them "compliments" - take a look.
Trauma Breeds Maturity
"You're mature for your age" thanks. It's the trauma
My mom passed away when I was 12. My dad practically checked out due to depression. It forced me to grow up fast and I often got this compliment because of it. I hated it. I didn't want it to be true.
Weightshocked bridget jones GIF Giphy
That I've lost weight. It triggers me and my perception of my body image is so off and I don't know what's real anymore
I lost 20 pounds over quarantine and I hear I lost wait a lot when I see people but it makes me ask "was I really that fat?"
I posted a selfie after surgery recently when I was still totally out of it and my face was all hollowed out from lack of food and water. It got so much positive attention that I genuinely worried for the people commenting that I looked good - I looked dead! Society's beauty standards are wack.
Years Of Service
Thank you for your service.
Came here to say this. There is no way to respond without sounding like an @ss. And besides, I did what I did for my own reasons, not for anyone to thank me. Even replying to this comment I sound like an @ss -_-
This makes me feel like less of an ass for never saying that to veterans. It feels so... performative. Everyone has their own reasons for serving and maybe they just want to be treated like a normal person when they're home. I dunno, maybe I'm out of my lane here. It's always strange to me as a civilian.
"You look exotic." I'm just tan, my eyes, lip, and nose look just like yours.
Duuuude. I hate that word. It should absolutely never be applied to a person.
A Good Talking Day
I've had people tell me that "I'm so good at talking today!" I have a stutter and some days are worse than others. People really feel the need to tell me I'm going well on one of my good days.
Don't f*cking mention my stutter even with good intention. I hate knowing that I have it and that you notice it. Just talk to me like a normal f*cking person.
Talent Is Workmusic video work GIF Giphy
"You're so talented. I wish I could draw too."
I've been drawing since I could hold those big fat pencils in Kindergarten. That's how I got so good. It was a lot of learning and hard work. Most creative hobbies are perfected by lots of practice and it kinda detracts the work you put in by chalking it up to just talent.
Keep Your Pride To Yourself
"I'm proud of you."
Unless you 1) raised me or 2) mentored me, then DON'T say that. It's condescending and a bit proprietary. You didn't accomplish anything; I did. Don't take credit for it.
A lot of people like to hear it, but not I. And a lot of people agree with me.
I always hated that compliment but could never explain why. You said it perfectly. This is how I feel as well. Thank you.
Not A Compliment
This only ever happened once but a man on the bus came up to me and said "I dunno if this is a compliment or not but I haven't been able to not stare at your chest since you walked on". It made me feel absolutely gross, not flattered whatsoever. I made a face and he was like "yeah I dunno if it's a compliment sorry"
So to guys that see a woman who's attractive and you just gotta say something, maybe try starting a conversation first before immediately commenting on their body because it's very uncomfortable.
"You're so smart". No, I'm really not. I know a little bit about a lot of things. I watch a lot of YouTube videos about random sh*t and enjoy general trivia. I can give a general run down about a lot of topics and concepts but can't actually become proficient in anything. My family and friends like to think of me as a smart person but at the end of the day, I'm no smarter than the average person. I just happen to spend a lot of time reading and learning about things that ultimately don't progress my any further in life.
"You are SO cuteee. "
This is something I have heard all my life, in basically all my Instagram photos. The closest is being called pretty. It is annoying at this point.
Like, okay I get it- short and a petite girls are cute but can't they be beautiful, sexy, smart, funny or anything at all other than cute? Okay, you don't find me attractive, how about you compliment my hair or something instead?
I would totally accept a simple "You are so nice!/ such a nice friend" over "Omg you are so cute."
For Your Age
I hate this one! There are 2....
1. "wow you look great for your age" ....I can't just look good? Always guys who say this.
2. "You're a sexy older woman" ...means I'm old but the guy would have sex with me. Thanks? lol
Don't Thank The Parents
It bothers me a bit when people finish a compliment about my personality/demeanor/achievements with a suggestion to thank my parents for how they raised me.
My father was controlling, paranoid, physically and emotionally abusive and my mother was manipulative, a compulsive liar and abandoned me multiple times. I can't really mention this though, because it immediately sucks the good feelings out of the interaction, so I just laugh and thank the person for their compliment.
For a while I wanted to punch people that tried to compliment my work experience by telling me what a great sales guy I would be. That's a weird thing to find out as an adult, that your work history can get you stuck in a certain kind of job like actors that get type casted in certain genres.
I hated doing sales, and I was more than qualified for the technical positions I was applying for. But hiring managers would take one look at my work experience and say something like "oh wow, we need to get you in touch with our sales team!"
They always thought they were complimenting me or doing me a favor; but in reality I knew they had just mentally ruled me out for the position I actually wanted since I also qualified for the position that brings in $$.
"Smart" Is Not Effortless
"I wish I was as smart as you"
Winning a competition I studied 2 hours a day, every day for a month.
Passing a course notorious for its number of flunkers. By studying my ass off.
Being able to ace a surprise quiz because I studied the material in advance.
I know it sounds pretentious, but it's plain frustrating to have your hard work, effort, and all the time you spent trying to improve as something as effortless as 'being smart'.
Hate / Love
Mature for my age: Yep. Childhood trauma caused that.
Anything involving my size: naturally thin, most of the time the comments feel extremely backhanded or they're just shallow making me feel my size is the only thing valued about me.
Absolutely love compliments regarding being smart, funny, kind etc. mainly just dislike compliments involving strictly looks or the high maturity old soul stuff.
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At one point in our lives, we have struggled to make ends meet and ate whatever we could to survive.
Curious to hear about the palates from strangers online, Redditor knightfall0 asked:
"What is a poverty food you'll always eat no matter how you're doing in life?"
These typical cultural cuisine are popular favorites.
"Cheap can of corn, cheap can of black beans, 3 cups of cheap rice."
"Tortillas for flair."
"Boom! Poverty tacos."
Magic Of Ramen
"Same. I've eaten expensive restaurant meals that still don't compare to a 25 cent ramen package."
"25 cent ramen package with a boiled egg marinated in soy sauce packets and sugar and some spinach if you have any for some veggie chef kiss cheapest dinner but makes it feel fancy."
What's In The Bowl
"Rice bowls are like half the meals I eat anymore."
Presto, Dinner Is Served!
"Random stuff in my fridge fried rice. Take the veggies that are about to go off, throw in some cheap white rice and an egg with some soy sauce and garlic- boom, dinner."
Bread-based meals seem to be an easy go-to choice.
The Sweet Spot
"The butter, cinnamon and sugar on toast combo. Always a classic."
For The Posh Palate
"Beans on toast and if I'm feeling posh maybe i will put an egg on top."
An American Classic
"PB and J. Hasn't failed me yet."
Good 'Ole Cornbread
"Cornbread and buttermilk. Seem to recall that my maternal great grandmother's house in the the early 1960s had a manual pump in the kitchen, an outhouse and oil lamps, no electricity! There was a big stump for splitting wood for the heat and killing chickens. Relatives had tractors but at least one still worked with draft horses...big horses. NE TN. And my Mother would eat salt sandwiches."
"I do like cornbread, various peas and beans and greens...a lot!"
Who said traditional side dishes can't be the main attraction? These folks, that's who.
"Mac and cheese with hotdogs or sloppy joes were top tier. I remember having to be careful to not take too much meat/noodles since we only had one can/box to share."
"If I had a million dollars, we wouldn't have to eat Kraft Dinner (but we would eat Kraft Dinner)"
This Spud's For You
"Potatoes. Cheap, tasty and filling."
"Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew."
Instant ramen has come a long way. I go to one of several local Japanese markets here in Manhattan and there are literally aisles of a variety of ramen and yakisoba, my personal favorite, stocked on shelves to choose from.
Yakisoba is basically "fried" noodles. It is "instant" because you basically soften the noodles with boiling water and drain it after three minutes.
The sauce packets that come with some of these are an absolute delight, and I usually add scallions or even a hard-boiled egg.
It is cheap, simple to prepare, and absolutely delicious.
As adults, especially those who work with or have kids of their own, we have a responsibility to mold the young minds that will go on to be the adults of tomorrow. They are our future, and we owe it to them to raise adults that will be respectful and kind community members.
There are plenty of things we were taught as kids that we thought were harmless at the time. But years later those same things have become an issue.
We went to ask Reddit to learn about those issues that we should change for the next generation.
Redditor Ok-Department5749 asked:
"What should we stop teaching young children?"
Let's see how many of these things you heard when you were growing up.
Boys will be boys.
"That if someone is picking on them it means they like them. Gonna set them up for a lot of problems later in life."
"I have a personal beef with this one. The boy who harassed me because he 'just liked me' is now in prison for assault."
"Yep. I had my hair pulled and punched by a boy in third grade. Was told by both teacher and principal that it wasn't a big deal. Boys do that all the time and bedsides he probably just liked me."
"I hate that 'boys will be boys' crap."
"Boys will be boys is for when you and the boys decide to use plywood as a bike ramp, not when someone sexually assaults someone else."
You can't be everyone's friend, and that's okay.
"That everyone is your friend. It's not true. I had to tell my 9 year old niece that sometimes people aren't going to like her and it's just how it is. This broke her heart because there's a boy in her class who doesn't like her and she's been trying to win him over. She's so sweet and I hated having to tell her that."
"I am an ECE who works with school-age kids. My line is 'we aren't all friends here, and that is ok, but we have to treat everybody with respect/kindly'. I see lots of ECE's use the 'friend' terminology ex 'we don't hit our friends' 'your friends are trying to sleep'. I avoid the terminology like the plague."
"I've seen it backfire. I had a 7-year old tell me that it was ok that she hurt another child because the other child wasn't her friend (This was this particular child's first year with us)."
"This is great because it helps kids learn to treat others with respect while also helping them manage their own expectations about immediately being friends with/like by everyone (which obviously isn't the case). It's a gentle introduction to reality that will save them a lot of trouble down the line. I mean, I really wish I had been taught to build confidence in myself rather than my confidence depending on whether or not other people liked/approved of me."
"The 2nd part to that lesson is learning that a relationship is only worth your time if both people like each other."
"More importantly, if both people respect each other."
Older doesn't always mean wiser.
"That just because someone's older doesn't mean they are right."
"Maybe we should teach the older generation that just because someone is younger doesn't mean they don't know what they're talking about. That is the problem I've seen."
"My husband's grandma gets mad when she's wrong. She always yells 'Respect your elders!'"
"Umm being wrong is just that. You find a correction and move on. Also, respect isn't just given. If you can't treat others the right way, no matter how many times you scream that stupid phrase at me, I won't respect you."
Consent is important in all contexts.
"That not wanting to hug someone is rude."
"I have four nieces and see this happen to them a lot. The youngest one doesn't always remember me. Her older sisters give me hugs with delight and I always tell the youngest to hug me when she's okay with it. I hate hugging people when I don't want to so I'm not gonna subjugate her to something no one can stand. It's so freaking weird."
"Glad someone said this. Children need to be able to say no to unwanted physical contact."
Stop forcing your kids to eat.
"To finish the food on your plate if you're not still hungry. Note: don't waste food. Save leftovers if you can."
"Was going to say the same thing. Kids are allowed to not like foods the same as adults. We have a 2 bite rule. I don't like avocado, so I don't eat it. My stepdaughter doesn't like green beans so I just don't put them on her plate. I never understood this or the clean plate thing. That can lead to eating disorders later on."
"Also doesn't help with sensory issues."
"My partner just can't handle the texture of 99% of vegetables. So I work around it with veggie noodles and blending vegetables. Since I love to cook, I love the challenge of making something healthy but working around the texture thing (I also have an aversion to some vegetables. Like cauliflower. I can't.)"
"To that end, cooking things in different ways is paramount. Don't just boil some green beans and call it a day. I used to hate collard greens until my mom made 'boozy' greens (I forgot what she put in them for liquor). Other people just boiled them and slapped them on a plate, but what she did was just more harmonious. Complex. Satisfying."
"Once I heard my aunt tell my nieces that they needed to eat everything on their plates, even if they didn't like it, because "someday you're going to start dating and you don't want boys to think you are a picky eater." I had a conversation with my own daughter later about how wrong that statement was."
"My brain audibly broke when I read that. Thank you for telling your daughter how wrong your aunt was."
"Those 'zero tolerance policies' where you get detention because someone punched you in the back of the head make any f*cking sense."
"I've never even heard a valid argument for this. It's always, 'You MUST have done something to incite this.' Like no, some people are just a**holes and you shouldn't be punished for their actions."
"The sole point of this is, and has always been, for school administrators to escape responsibility."
"We had a student break the zero tolerance policy. He got jumped in the hallway, threw his hands out to his sides away from the attacker, and screamed that he wasn't fighting back and that he needed help. Once he went to the floor, he balled up and kept yelling. He was a bigger kid than his attacker and could have handled it, but chose to take the hits."
"When he got called to the office and the zero tolerance policy was brought up, he pointed out that he never fought back, screamed that he wouldn't to de-escalate the situation, and that he needed help like students are taught to do when they are being bullied. Having done everything right, it wasn't a fight, it was an assault and if they punished him for being assaulted under their care, his parents would be blasting this everywhere they could."
"He never got punished and the other kid was expelled."
It's out responsibility to care about the young people in our lives and raise them to be respectful members of the community. It starts with us.
Now that we know better, we must do better.
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People often daydream about the easy life, where they can live in the lap of luxury.
"What would be your first purchase if you came into serious 'f'k you' money?"
People seem to want to be rich enough to live in seclusion.
This Land Is My Land
"Four sections of good pastureland. For those who don't know, that's 2,560 acres, 4 square miles. I'd build in the dead center and never have a neighbor less than a mile from me."
Float In My Moat
"i'd put in a lazy river that ran around the perimeter of my property."
My Own Private Island
"A big old f'k off island a float plane and a self sustained off grid community. Open my fishing camp."
Niche indulgences is the name of the game.
Get You A Fast Car
"SO has always dreamt of driving a Porsche. A very specific model, color, etc. He has it as his screen saver. I would get him that car."
"Paying off the land my husband died protecting so that we can build something to honor him by. Specifically turning it into a retreat for combat vets and active duty members."
"Hire a team of architects to design a big house and put in a bunch of secret passageways and rooms and not tell me how to find them so I can have fun discovering them over time."
"I'd buy a cul-de-sac of posh houses, gate if off and have my friends live there. They all work from home so doesn't matter where."
"Then one day, there will be deliveries to all the houses. Paintball guns. Masks. The full month."
"And as the clock strikes noon that day, I will have a loud battle cry (haven't decided the sound yet) play on a huge speaker."
"I don't need to tell them this is a battle to the death. They will already know..."
These Redditors were concerned about self-preservation without the stress of incurring massive debt.
Take Care Of My Health
"Go to the dentist, optometrist, and doctor without worrying that whatever needs to be done won't cause financial ruin."
"A good lawyer to get me set up for life."
Settle Debts And Drive Off Into The Sunset
"First purchase? Freedom: pay off student loans, mortgage, and any other debt. Can't think of a bigger f'k you :) then a couple Teslas lol"
If I ever came into a ridiculous amount of money, I would first build a retreat somewhere in Venice, Italy, and frequently host a masquerade ball where everyone is required to show up in Venetian Carnivale attire—just short of becoming an Eyes Wide Shut moment.
Then, I would build a luxury home in Tokyo, complete with a theater academy where new productions would constantly be workshopped at night while aspiring young performers hone their skills throughout the day in the many classes taught by my colleagues.
And my home base? Why, it would be near the beaches of Malibu in SoCal, of course.
I would bounce between my three properties in my own private jet.
It's not a big ask, is it?
Most inventions were made with the idea to bring progress to humanity, not to harm it. However, that is not always how things turn out. A prime -and sad- example of this can be found in the life of Alfred Nobel. Most people know his name as the creator of the Nobel Peace prize without a second thought as to what drove him to make such an award.
The tragic truth is that Alfred Nobel invented dynamite with the intent to help with industrial uses. After seeing the horrendous usage of his invention to kill so many people so easily he lived the rest of his life under the weight of an all-consuming regret. That led him to use his fortune to create an award for those who have done incredible things for humanity and peace.
Redditor IndependentHungry840 wanted to know other inventions that met a harmful ending and asked:
“What invention has done more harm than good?"
Constant media panic…
“24 hour news media. It is absolutely one of the most toxic, miasmic, foul things we could have ever come up with." wiredsignal
“What makes it worse is the "news" isn't just news, it's ONLY bad news. There's never an hour of only uplifting, happy stories that happened today. It's just a constant barrage of fear-mongering and misery." AdamNRG
Lead poisoning causes lower IQ and behavior disruption…
“There used to be lead in gasoline; they thought it would improve engine performance. Not only did it ruin people's lungs, many believe that it caused an increase in violent crime, because things like muggings almost disappeared after lead was taken out of gas.” doowgad1
“I'm pretty sure it was proven that after the invention of leaded gasoline, the average IQ dropped. And leaded gas was around for a pretty long time.” Marksman18
“Violent crime massively spiked in the US from about 1970-2000, right when atmospheric lead concentration spiked as well.” Agent_Orange7
Smoking is just bad all the way around…
“Cigarettes. Supposed to relieve stress and help the user feel in control due the nicotine inside which is of course highly addictive. Not to mention the myriad of other harmful things inside of them (Methanol/Rocket Fuel, Arsenic, Stearic Acid/Candle Wax, etc.)" Toa-Magnus
“The worst part is, cigarettes replaced tobacco pipes, which have substantially lower health risks, due to the fact that you don't inhale from a pipe at all, just "sip" the smoke and blow."
“Cigarettes' ease of use and popularity has also lead to tons of small tobacco growers just going straight out of business because the high temps cigs burn at and the filtered tip make the actual quality of the tobacco "less important" insofar as our friend Big Tobacco is concerned. Not to mention that same accessibility making childhood smoking much easier to pick up and hide."
“If you're a long-time smoker and have trouble quitting, you could at least consider transitioning to pipes, the learning curve isn't steeper than a few nights in google, and the smoke smells way better for bystanders than everyone's favorite acrid cancer stick. I mean, it ain't good for you, but it's leagues better than cigarettes." Strudel_Meister
This right here!
“Private prisons, the peak of modern slavery, prisons are meant to be reforming facilities/keeping criminals in check, not a business but if your country thought slavery was okay back then, why it wouldn't work now.” PsychologicalTart602
Education time: Part of the dehumanizing experiences to which prisoners are subjected work to only further isolate them from society making it more difficult to reintegrate upon release. The psychological damage and lack of prosocial connectivity coupled with social stigma and scare resources helps ensure a continuation of the crime cycle with extraordinarily high recidivism rates.
This means the United States prisons stay full so they can keep lining the pockets of the private ownership essentially incentivizing the people who run these correctional facilities to keep any true rehabilitative programming to a bare minimum.
Asbestos, not the fire proof miracle we thought…
“Asbestos insulation." Ancient-Pause-99
“I live where the asbestos mine just shut down ten years ago. You can't get your house tested for asbestos because it's literally in everything, so even brand new houses would test positive from the surroundings. All the other rocks from the mine were used all over in sidewalks, roads, Street lamps, etc.” RoselleLS
Eli Whitney’s inventions…
“Whitney's cotton gin in the 1790's. Made slavery profitable. When I took a class on antebellum economics a argument that had support was that before the 1790s slavery was in decline.” CSMURPHRUN
“Then Eli went on to develop mass production and gave it to the North allowing them to mass produce rifles with interchangeable parts. This led to the North's victory. Eli Whitney had arguably the largest impact on American history of any single person. Essentially providing the tools to start the civil war then end it.” Louis_A_Devil
Social Media Platforms…social media followers GIF by The Orchard FilmsGiphy
“Social media ironically has made it harder to actually socialize with people and imo is responsible for a huge portion of social anxiety around the world." BradRogriguez
|“The issues caused by social media are much deeper than just lack of in-person connection and social anxiety. Mental health overall in teens and young adults is on a decline, and misinformation is spreading rampantly, people are even more divided than ever ideologically” kiwidog8|
“the original social media."
“The guy who invented the megaphone said he felt responsible for Hitler's rise. Before that, the most people you could really talk to at once was like 100. After that, one speech can reach millions.” skeetsauce
“Oh sh*t. The megaphone was the original social media.” Shermione
The lie detector test…
“Polygraph test. Its a stress test, in no way was it ever supposed to a ‘lie detector’. The inventor was beyond horrified and destroyed at the ‘monstrous misuse of his technology by law enforcement’.” MurrayMan92
“I think the way Keurig has evolved is hilarious. They started with the hugely wasteful cups that lots of people used. Eventually people realized how wasteful they were and pressured Keurig to make reusable cups. Now they're just a normal coffee machine.”
“They came from nowhere, invented a new technology, and eventually just ended up using the same old technology as their competitors and somehow ended up coming out on top” Lemon_Tile
While good intentions proceeded these inventions there certainly were grave consequences. It shows the bad sides of humanity in that if it can be weaponized it will be.
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