Folks not every compliment is a compliment.
Growing up, I used to have people tell me all the time how pretty I would be if I grew up to look like my mother. My mom is pale skinned with straight black hair, dimples and bright green eyes. She also had a perfect pear shape figure.
I, on the other hand, ended up boxy, olive skinned, with a riot of curls and brown eyes.
In other words, nothing like my mom.
That's not to say I'm not a total baddy. I'm the flyest of fly - just in a totally different way than my mother is and growing up I had it drilled into my head that I'd be beautiful if I looked like her.
Like... I'd be gorgeous if I looked like Marilyn Monroe, too, but I don't. I look like me. That sh*t was not a compliment and it took me forever to see my beauty because I didn't live up to the standard that had been set for my brain.
One Reddit user asked:
What is a compliment you hate getting and why?
Fam - I am not the only one out here living the salt life at people who pay them "compliments" - take a look.
Trauma Breeds Maturity
"You're mature for your age" thanks. It's the trauma
- Vanna21x
My mom passed away when I was 12. My dad practically checked out due to depression. It forced me to grow up fast and I often got this compliment because of it. I hated it. I didn't want it to be true.
Weight
shocked bridget jones GIFGiphyThat I've lost weight. It triggers me and my perception of my body image is so off and I don't know what's real anymore
I lost 20 pounds over quarantine and I hear I lost wait a lot when I see people but it makes me ask "was I really that fat?"
I posted a selfie after surgery recently when I was still totally out of it and my face was all hollowed out from lack of food and water. It got so much positive attention that I genuinely worried for the people commenting that I looked good - I looked dead! Society's beauty standards are wack.
Years Of Service
Thank you for your service.
- jcpmojo
Came here to say this. There is no way to respond without sounding like an @ss. And besides, I did what I did for my own reasons, not for anyone to thank me. Even replying to this comment I sound like an @ss -_-
- 1ply_tp
This makes me feel like less of an ass for never saying that to veterans. It feels so... performative. Everyone has their own reasons for serving and maybe they just want to be treated like a normal person when they're home. I dunno, maybe I'm out of my lane here. It's always strange to me as a civilian.
Exotic Appeal
"You look exotic." I'm just tan, my eyes, lip, and nose look just like yours.
- Ahi945
Duuuude. I hate that word. It should absolutely never be applied to a person.
- TohruH3
A Good Talking Day
I've had people tell me that "I'm so good at talking today!" I have a stutter and some days are worse than others. People really feel the need to tell me I'm going well on one of my good days.
Don't f*cking mention my stutter even with good intention. I hate knowing that I have it and that you notice it. Just talk to me like a normal f*cking person.
Talent Is Work
music video work GIFGiphy"You're so talented. I wish I could draw too."
I've been drawing since I could hold those big fat pencils in Kindergarten. That's how I got so good. It was a lot of learning and hard work. Most creative hobbies are perfected by lots of practice and it kinda detracts the work you put in by chalking it up to just talent.
Keep Your Pride To Yourself
"I'm proud of you."
Unless you 1) raised me or 2) mentored me, then DON'T say that. It's condescending and a bit proprietary. You didn't accomplish anything; I did. Don't take credit for it.
A lot of people like to hear it, but not I. And a lot of people agree with me.
I always hated that compliment but could never explain why. You said it perfectly. This is how I feel as well. Thank you.
Not A Compliment
This only ever happened once but a man on the bus came up to me and said "I dunno if this is a compliment or not but I haven't been able to not stare at your chest since you walked on". It made me feel absolutely gross, not flattered whatsoever. I made a face and he was like "yeah I dunno if it's a compliment sorry"
So to guys that see a woman who's attractive and you just gotta say something, maybe try starting a conversation first before immediately commenting on their body because it's very uncomfortable.
Trivia Smart
"You're so smart". No, I'm really not. I know a little bit about a lot of things. I watch a lot of YouTube videos about random sh*t and enjoy general trivia. I can give a general run down about a lot of topics and concepts but can't actually become proficient in anything. My family and friends like to think of me as a smart person but at the end of the day, I'm no smarter than the average person. I just happen to spend a lot of time reading and learning about things that ultimately don't progress my any further in life.
Cute
"You are SO cuteee. "
Facepalm
This is something I have heard all my life, in basically all my Instagram photos. The closest is being called pretty. It is annoying at this point.
Like, okay I get it- short and a petite girls are cute but can't they be beautiful, sexy, smart, funny or anything at all other than cute? Okay, you don't find me attractive, how about you compliment my hair or something instead?
I would totally accept a simple "You are so nice!/ such a nice friend" over "Omg you are so cute."
For Your Age
I hate this one! There are 2....
1. "wow you look great for your age" ....I can't just look good? Always guys who say this.
2. "You're a sexy older woman" ...means I'm old but the guy would have sex with me. Thanks? lol
- dreamst2
Don't Thank The Parents
It bothers me a bit when people finish a compliment about my personality/demeanor/achievements with a suggestion to thank my parents for how they raised me.
My father was controlling, paranoid, physically and emotionally abusive and my mother was manipulative, a compulsive liar and abandoned me multiple times. I can't really mention this though, because it immediately sucks the good feelings out of the interaction, so I just laugh and thank the person for their compliment.
- sulesko
Sales
For a while I wanted to punch people that tried to compliment my work experience by telling me what a great sales guy I would be. That's a weird thing to find out as an adult, that your work history can get you stuck in a certain kind of job like actors that get type casted in certain genres.
I hated doing sales, and I was more than qualified for the technical positions I was applying for. But hiring managers would take one look at my work experience and say something like "oh wow, we need to get you in touch with our sales team!"
They always thought they were complimenting me or doing me a favor; but in reality I knew they had just mentally ruled me out for the position I actually wanted since I also qualified for the position that brings in $$.
"Smart" Is Not Effortless
"I wish I was as smart as you"
Context:
Winning a competition I studied 2 hours a day, every day for a month.
Passing a course notorious for its number of flunkers. By studying my ass off.
Being able to ace a surprise quiz because I studied the material in advance.
I know it sounds pretentious, but it's plain frustrating to have your hard work, effort, and all the time you spent trying to improve as something as effortless as 'being smart'.
- hmrbcnt
Hate / Love
Mature for my age: Yep. Childhood trauma caused that.
Anything involving my size: naturally thin, most of the time the comments feel extremely backhanded or they're just shallow making me feel my size is the only thing valued about me.
Absolutely love compliments regarding being smart, funny, kind etc. mainly just dislike compliments involving strictly looks or the high maturity old soul stuff.
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Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.
Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?
But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.
It would be so great to be sure there is something else.
But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.
Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:
"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"
Sensations
Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."
PeachesnPain
Recovery
"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."
"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."
"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."
good_golly99
Take Me Back
"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."
"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."
rayrayrayray
Free
The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."
TooReDTooHigh
This is why I hate surgery.
You just never know.
Shocked
Giphy"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."
Admirable_Buyer6528
The SOB
"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."
"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”
1-cupcake-at-a-time
Colors
"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"
Hannah_LL7
"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"
huntokarrr
The Fog
"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."
"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."
Fluffy-Hotel-5184
Through the Walls
"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."
"She's quite alive and well today."
Hot-Refrigerator6583
Well let's all be happy to be alive.
It seems to be all we have.
Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.
The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.
Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.
Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:
"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"
Redditors didn't see these coming.
Shiver Me Timbers
"I’m always cold now!"
– Telrom_1
"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."
– r7ndom
"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."
– mr_remy
Drawing Concern
"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."
– dee-fondy
"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"
"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."
– LizardofDeath
Unleashing Insults
"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”
"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."
– alanamablamaspama
Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight
"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."
– KeltarCentauri
"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."
– KatMagic1977
"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."
– Jaew96
These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.
Shopping
"I can buy clothes in any store I want."
– WaySavvyD
"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."
– ganache98012
No More Symptoms
"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."
– colleennicole93
Expanding Capabilities
"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."
– Ramblonius
People Change Their Tune
"How much nicer people are to you."
"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"
– LiZZygsu
"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"
"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"
– awholedamngarden
It's gonna take some getting used to.
Bones Everywhere
"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."
– Princess-Pancake-97
"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."
– bekastrange
Knee Pillow
"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."
– snic2030
"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."
– Strongbad23
More Mobility
"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."
"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."
– dma1965
People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.
But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.
That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.